#꒦꒷εїз꒷꒦

1 messages · Page 3 of 1

winter summit
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Every grave is lit up,or most

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And three many candles around a statue

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Because if someone’s grave got removed or just doesn’t have one u can place candles for them there

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Idk if they’re called candles but yeah

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All my family and stuff are buried in Poland

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So I just prayed to them

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Like just wishing them well

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Did they hear it?I doubt it

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They’re dead so

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But still tried

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Today I feel like I’ve seen them

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Well it’s my grandma(dads side) who’s in my mind the most

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Especially a picture of her holding me when I was 2

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That pictures in my mind

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But I feel like I saw her somewhere

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As if I had a dream or smth

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But I don’t recall anything

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And my grandad from my moms side

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But it’s mostly my grandma on my mind,idk why

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This will sound really stupid,ofc it will but like

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During Covid my dad got many like planks and stacks of wood and stuff from work

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Lemme see if I can find the name

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These

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So since it was Covid we decided to build our own shed

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I have pictures of me and my sister in the garden helping my dad,I remember a bit too

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We even added a kind of design on one side,own windows,stuff like that

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Even designed inside a bit

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It’s actually not bad

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There’s many stuff in it

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It’s kinda been out of use and not taken care of

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Last time I went in there was a year ago in the summer,so many spiders and spiderwebs I hated it

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But anyways that’s not the point

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So a side of the shed faces our back door/house

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The door is on the other side

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So the doors facing the fence

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If that makes sense

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And the side facing our house has th design

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Next to it is a window

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Then next to the window is some plain wood/wall

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Now we painted the shed a darkish brown

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Not too dark tho

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Like medium

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And whenever I look beside the window

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I see half of a woman

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Like the other half is under the window or smth,like there’s literally only half her face visible from beside the window

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On the wood

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She’s smiling

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And you can only see half her body/torso before another piece of wood goes across the bottom

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Past that is nothing

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So there’s only half and a quarter of her visible idk

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Freak me out lowk

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Told myself it’s obv just the paint

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Different tones of wood

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But how does it make a woman

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I’d show a picture of what I see but I don’t wanna freak anyone out just in case someone reads this which I doubt

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But yeah

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Most people I show it to don’t see it

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My sister said she kind of understands what I see but not fully

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Told my parents years ago,got told to stop watching horror movies

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Smh

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My rooms from the garden side,so whenever I look out the window I see the shed

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And I see her rn

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The smile goes up to the end of her face

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Hate it icl

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I’m home alone w my sister and she’s asleep

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And every little noise is freaking me out rn

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Also

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A few days ago

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Well on Friday

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At midnight,so yes it was Friday

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I went downstairs to get ready for bed

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I went down on Thursday at around almost midnight

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By the time I was coming upstairs it was past midnight,Friday

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I turned the light off downstairs and I’m walking up the stairs,lights on there

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I get to the top of the stairs and I immediately press the switch to turn the lights off

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My rooms immediately to the left

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Like once you go up the stairs there’s just a small square and 3 doors all around it leading to 3 bedrooms

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Mines to the left so I push the door open and im entering

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I hear quick footsteps behind me

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And they carried weight

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Like

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Not just footsteps

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But there was another sound coming from it as if the person had heavy stuff on them or js something on them

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No joke my heart dropped

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I was halfway in my room so I quickly pushed the door and just held it for a minute,turning my lights off

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I just stood there for a minute holding the door

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Then I lay down in bed and texted my mom

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My mom was in the other room with my two younger sisters and dog

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I was scared it was the dog and I locked her out the room as she just wanted to be with me

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My mom said th dog was with her lying on the bed the whole time

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And plus I remembered their bedroom door was shut

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Every bedroom door wa shut and I was the only one awake

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Actually scared me

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I’m js paranoid or smth atp

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Anyways I got the day off skl

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Only bc of my sister

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So I’ll probs take my nap until 12 and then study

silver swallow
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how many hours do you sleep lol

winter summit
silver swallow
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Its been a year since ive slept for 12 hours straight 💔🥀

winter summit
silver swallow
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How old are you btw

winter summit
winter summit
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Bro

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Okay I knew like coming up to GCSEs would be a lot of work

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But

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I have mocks 17TH November-28th November

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Then I have mocks again near the summer term

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Then mocks November 2026 again

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Then my GCSEs

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I just had 4 assessments

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And now I have mocks from those lessons and others

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Smh

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I’m cooked

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Bro the maths test

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I hate probability

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Health and social and English not bad

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History also not bad

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Just don’t like the long writing as sometimes idk what to write

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But maths

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I’m cooked

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Last year I kept getting 15/50

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This year I studied more tho

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Even tho I only studied 3 days

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I think I got MINIMUM 20/45

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Wasn’t the worst

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Bro I had a DT graphics test too

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I missed 4 marks

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If I got everything else correct then I have 87%

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And that’s not too good

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I need more

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My first test was 53% tho

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So I improved

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But still

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Every test is dif topics anywyas

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I have to quickly fill out some answers next lesson

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Anyways

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Mocks bro

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Smh

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I’m cooked for chemistry and maybe physics

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Biology is okay

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Not too bad

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Bro lowkey

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Im screwing up

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Bc I have a friend

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Who like

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Did many stuff so I have reasons to not like her

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Tbh my cousin is surprised I’m still friends w her

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And my bsf

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Hates that friend

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Also has good reasons

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And the friend hates her

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But we’re all in the same fg

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And my bsf makes it so obvious she doesn’t like her

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Purposely not including her

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And I feel bad bc the friend said she’s diagnosed with anxiety,and ik she has her own stuff going on

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So even after everything she did I feel bad

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And

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People have started to notice she feels left out

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Now idc

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Bc like

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Yk people notice,maybe offer her comfort too

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But

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Istg if people come at me

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Or my bsf

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Like we’re not doing any better right

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But

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We should be acting better

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But it’s lowk hard to

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It’s js so annoying

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Idc if we stop being n friends

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It’s js that more people like her and some other girl

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Who I also don’t like due to past drama

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And people will take their side probs c they love to victimise themselves

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No joke

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So much have happened

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I’ve had to write it all in my notes to remember

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But anyways

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In summary

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I feel bad but also have reasons to not like her/them

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And my bf is on their side I fear

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Well

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Not on their side

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It’s js that he doesn’t get involved when we talk abt it

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We try not to mention names around him as he’s close to those girls

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He says he doesn’t like one of them as much

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But he’s messing with the other one a lot

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And today after I spoke w my bsf about the friend he said. “Bro stop talking shit”

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Btw there was no talking shit

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I just talked about how the friend feels left out probs and I feel bad

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And I mentioned how other people noticed

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I said I just said what happened

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“Still talking shit”

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Anyways

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So that it

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Not too much of a vent but js wanted to mention

winter summit
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Somehow with 3h of sleep I’m still awake at 2:22am

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Heck yeah

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I need to revise sm again

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Smh

silver swallow
silver swallow
winter summit
winter summit
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But I only drank water so idk

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I do want monster now tho

silver swallow
silver swallow
winter summit
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Monster is js good in general

winter summit
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I’m still awake smh

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I nee to turn my TV off soon

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It’s been on all day basically

silver swallow
silver swallow
silver swallow
winter summit
winter summit
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I just buy them when I go out w my friends bc her parents genuinely don’t care,and neither do the store owners,they don’t ask for id or anything

winter summit
silver swallow
winter summit
silver swallow
silver swallow
silver swallow
winter summit
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Or below 18 sometimes

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I think

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It’s mostly the main shops though,the smaller ones don’t really care they js want money

silver swallow
silver swallow
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i mean i can walk into a beer shop snd buy a bunch of beer

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or a whisky

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i literally look old

winter summit
winter summit
# silver swallow how

I don’t even know,2 weeks ago I was sleeping every day after school but now I can stay awake all night with barely any sleep the night before

winter summit
winter summit
silver swallow
silver swallow
silver swallow
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i bought my unc a imprial Black Whisky that way

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imperial*

winter summit
winter summit
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Oh yay I made it to respected huddler

silver swallow
silver swallow
winter summit
silver swallow
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go get some sleep

winter summit
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I would

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But I’m actually so not tired

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@silver swallow What time is it for u anyways?

silver swallow
silver swallow
winter summit
winter summit
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So if u think I’m doing 80 ur wrong

silver swallow
silver swallow
winter summit
winter summit
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Maybe I’ll go to sleep near 6am

silver swallow
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6 am is crazy 😭

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How tall are you ?

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you sound eco-friendly to me 😭

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Let me guess 4'6

winter summit
# silver swallow 6 am is crazy 😭

I’m js not tired,and I can get pain killers then,my mom sleeps downstairs so if she wakes up I can just tell her “oh I just woke up” heck yeah.In the summer holidays I was getting no sleep at times

winter summit
winter summit
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Or smth like that

silver swallow
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i thought i was crazy for running on 4-5 hours of sleep

silver swallow
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silver swallow
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So I’m pretty sure it’s average

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Yeah idk I’m guessing

winter summit
silver swallow
silver swallow
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silver swallow
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silver swallow
winter summit
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Might as well,if they do get taller,some are short af

winter summit
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Accidentally pinged someone I was avoiding

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Kill me bro

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Never deleted it faster

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I remember telling myself to be careful who I ping when they enter the server in case they join back

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Didn’t even read the user

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Sent the welcome

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Then saw the user

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Smh

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Does ‘ignoring’ someone stop them from viewing your profile?Idk

silver swallow
silver swallow
winter summit
winter summit
silver swallow
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I had a dream

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Ik I did

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Like I have that feeling and I have like a trace of it in my mind

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But I just can’t remember it

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Smh

winter summit
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Okay I remember it

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I’m so tired I wanna sleep more lmao

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I’m trying to cut contact with that one friend

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Damn idk if I’m doing the right thing

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We tried months ago,she said she understands etc but then also turned it on her bf and stuff

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She always complains about him,say he’s guilt tripping,annoying,etc

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But then she won’t leave him

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And when I say “you’re still with him”

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She says “unfortunately”

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It’s a online relationship

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Fym unfortunately

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If you’re gonna complain abt someone why be with them

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It js really pisses me off

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Then

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Okay that attempt to break off the friendship was before summer

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She’s also my online friend,she has Ben for 5 years

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So I decided there’s no point

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She valued her bf of a few months more than me

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And I’m not bothered to go through that shit

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She said she’ll try change etc

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Happened for a few weeks

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After she went on a mini holiday

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Changed again

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About a month or two ago

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We were already drifted apart again

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I tried to end the friendship again

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Whole paragraph

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Again

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Wait brb

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Okay

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Then

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She said she understands etc

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But can she still reach out to me time to time

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I said fine

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Bc her bday was coming up anyways and I made her smth

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However

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Turned into full on convo again

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And daily “gm” and “gn”

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I was still struggling badly

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I tend to not reach out directly but with other stuff

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All seen by her,all ignored

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So I went offline for a week

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She continued to say gm and gn

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After a week I was back,said it back

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She said gm again

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I said it back

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(Yesterday)

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Then we didn’t speak again

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So I decided to try end the friendship again

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Not even a paragraph this time

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Btw in all these attempts I included that we both messed up bc ik I wasn’t great either

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Oh damn she responded

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Already

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I read it of my lockscreen

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I’m not opening it yet

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See

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I broke the friendship now

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But

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Ik I’m gonna regret it later today and for a few days

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That I’m gonn miss th simple messages and just feel bad in general

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But can’t change that now

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I always feel like that

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Always point out what’s wrong then feel bad abt it a few days later

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But this time there’s no going back

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In short she said she respects my decision

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And she wishes me well and she’s thankful for me etc

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I can’t see the rest

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Damn now I feel terrible

silver swallow
silver swallow
silver swallow
silver swallow
silver swallow
winter summit
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No joke

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I’d send the message at 8am

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She would be online at 2pm and not even view my message or just leave me on read

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I have many ss of times like that

winter summit
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So I’m not any better than she was rn

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But

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It’s js idk what to say anymore

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Smh

winter summit
silver swallow
silver swallow
silver swallow
winter summit
winter summit
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But I’m keeping all the ss

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Even tho they’re useless now

silver swallow
silver swallow
winter summit
silver swallow
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i used to do similar shi, have alot of screenshots

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And after deleting all of em

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its amesing

winter summit
silver swallow
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i can now peacefully dedihcate my storage for Minecraft mods

silver swallow
winter summit
silver swallow
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Ive listened to music all day

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I love music

winter summit
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Bro…

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I need to start reading

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Avoiding the person from yesterday is pathetic

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Ik that

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But

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I usually check the art and like people arts

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Didn’t check the creator.

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It was them and I realised just now

winter summit
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I’ve been in pain for the past 2 days

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And js not feeling good

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So I skipped working out and stuff

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But I litro hate everything about myself

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From physical to emotional

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Js hate it all

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So I stopped eating too

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Skip workout=skip meals

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I already do even when working out

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But

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I js skip basically all day when I don’t work out

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I don’t wanna go back to school bro

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Bro

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After I do my exams

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/GCSEs

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My parents wanna move to Poland

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And

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I quit polish school like 4 years ago

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Maybe even 6 years ago

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I’m literally ass at polish

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And no matter what I’m literally from England

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So many people I meet online say I sound British

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So ofc that affects how I speak polish

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I’m not terrible

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I can speak it

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But it’s how I pronounce some words

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Bro ik dman well I’ll be getting made fun of

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I’m already being made fun of all high school/secondary school

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I csn read in polish

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Writing is bad tho

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With all the letters

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I always use like corrector when typing in polish

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And I know no one in Poland

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Obv

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Minus my family

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And I’ll be like 16 when I move there

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Going into college

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Or something

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Idk it’s different there

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Kinda

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And I’m meant to find friends?

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The only person my age I know is my cousin

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But obv I’m not gonna be hanging around him 24/7

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And he wouldn’t even go to the same skl as me as he goes to a sport skl

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I’m cooked

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Supposedly they help kids from other countries a lot

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And they have schools for that

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But like

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Still

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Bro I literally have 2 years left and I’m alr stressing so bad

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So I have to pass my GCSEs here

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I have all my life stuff here in England

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Like yk like papers and everything

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Well I’m registered in Poland but only that

winter summit
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So now I’m restudying polish

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I applied for polish GCSEs too

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So I have the grade that I passed it or wtv

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So I have the qualification

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But

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The lady told me to come back next year bc they’re only filling out year 11 kids now

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But everyone else got signed up before the summer holidays

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And with mocks coming up

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There’s a chance they’ll have to do polish mocks

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So wtf do I do

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Anyways

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My head hurts again

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I need to finish studying

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And start polish

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I can’t be bothered anymore

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Nvm I finished RS

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bro..

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I have the mocks in a week

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Well they start in a week

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My teachers litro don’t let us take some books home

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I’m gonna have to ask

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I need to defo cover RS again

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I need to cover Chenistry

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Chemistry*

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Structure and bonding

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I have so much lessons I need to go back over

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Biology

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I’ll get a revision sheet tmr

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As I have 2h of it tomorrow

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Not too worried about biology

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Physics

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It’s probs js equations

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So it’s not too bad

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I get it now

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I just can’t do 3 equations

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I get 2 way equations

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Or wtv it’s called

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I js don’t know how to convert like KW

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To just K

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Or whatever

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Smh I’ll ask on Tuesday or smth

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But still

winter summit
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Bro I need to ask someone abt how polish skl works

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But if I js go “can I speak to a polish person” I won’t find anyone

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Smh

winter summit
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Okay but my airbuds came out

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Yay

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Like for this week

winter summit
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So

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Im lowkey starting to feel terrible

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Like ||relapse|| terrible

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No clear reason

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Maybe it’s a bunch of small reasons put together

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Im ||8 days clean|| idk

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I want to wait to see how tmr goes

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But then I also have the urge

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Man this sucks

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I have about 5minutes till I start getting ready for bed

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I gotta think

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I might just ||relapse||

silver swallow
silver swallow
silver swallow
winter summit
silver swallow
winter summit
winter summit
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I wonder how

silver swallow
winter summit
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If I live in England

silver swallow
winter summit
winter summit
winter summit
silver swallow
silver swallow
silver swallow
silver swallow
silver swallow
silver swallow
silver swallow
winter summit
winter summit
winter summit
winter summit
winter summit
winter summit
silver swallow
silver swallow
winter summit
silver swallow
silver swallow
winter summit
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That’s even longer

silver swallow
silver swallow
winter summit
winter summit
silver swallow
winter summit
silver swallow
winter summit
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I did 4 pages of chemistry

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My beds a mess I have a bunch of books and pens on it

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Heck yeah

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I’ll finish tmr

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I still have like 9 lessons to do

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That’s just one

silver swallow
silver swallow
silver swallow
silver swallow
winter summit
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THEN

winter summit
winter summit
silver swallow
silver swallow
winter summit
winter summit
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I have to be up at 6:20

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Its 4:08

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I can’t tell if I’m tired or not

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I don’t feel tired

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But I know if I try I’d probably fall asleep

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Idk

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Okay yk what

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I have to be up in exactly 2h

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And

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I don’t want to sleep after skl bc I want to study and stuff

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Well maybe a one hour nap will be okay

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But I’ll probs sleep through my alarm

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I want to be on my phone more,make the most of what I can before school

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But it’s fine

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I’ll probs stay up a bit tmr too

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Plus my heads starting to hurt

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And maybe my mind will clear up in general a bit once I sleep

winter summit
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Nvm im still awake

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I think ill try fr now tho

winter summit
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Head still hurts

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Damn I csnt be bothered for school

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Well

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Lessons are okay

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It’s just my last period

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DT graphics

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It would be calm

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But my teacher makes us play games almost every lesson

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And they js stress me out

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Plus I hate some classmates so that just works great doesn’t it

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We only didn’t play last lesson because we had to do a test

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I really hope we don’t have to play them from now on

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The teachers acts surprised when u ask to not take part in the games

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Students too a lot

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Obv the loud ones

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And literally no one asks to not take part

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Smh

silver swallow
dusk lion
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Goodluck

winter summit
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Like started today

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Im cooked

winter summit
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I got 25/40 on my maths test

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Better then the last 3 years

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But still

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Bro

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So

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Every few weeks

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A form group has to make a presentation for assembly about your form saint

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My form is next Tuesday

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And

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The teacher

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Like

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She said everyone has to read smth

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Or most people

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Some kids volunteered

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There was only 3 short prayers and bullet points left.And then larger pieces of text.

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I avoided eye contact

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Everything

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“Hey can you read this prayer?”

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I said I’ll think abt it

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Right after that she asked my friend if she can read the next one

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She said sure

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I felt bad and decided to say I’ll also do it

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But in stressed af

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Have to sit facing about 200kids

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My age

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Who literally don’t like me

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And laugh over everything in general

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I’m cooked

winter summit
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Gonna probs take a nap

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Haven’t taken a nap for abt 2 weeks no matter how little sleep I got

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But

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I wanna stay up w bit again

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So imma nap

dusk lion
silver swallow
silver swallow
winter summit
# dusk lion Niice

Could’ve been better but it’s 55% so I guess it’s not bad,thanks

winter summit
winter summit
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My lightbulb went out

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And

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My dad obv won’t change it

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And my mom I think she forgot

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But she said she doesn’t wanna look for one now

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Again

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So I’m using like a desk lamp,I just put it on the floor bc that’s the closest contact I have

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Not bad tho

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Just that I have a light constantly in one of my eyes

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But we live on

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My chest hurts

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Like kids the middle

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But more to my left

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It’s when I breathe in or out

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It’s been happening for days

winter summit
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It still hurts

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It’s been 4 hours

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Now it’s only when I breathe out

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Smh

winter summit
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Okay it passed for now

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Nvm it hurts again💔

silver swallow
silver swallow
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If thats the case then drink warm water

winter summit
winter summit
winter summit
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As rn I can’t go downstairs

dusk lion
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Lmao

silver swallow
winter summit
winter summit
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So Sybau

silver swallow
winter summit
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Icl I hate people that send one message then don’t respond for hours

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Anyways back to working out

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Bro I got my timetable for my mocks

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But

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It’s not bad

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Surprisingly maths isn’t on there?

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Shocked but okay

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Chemistry,physics and biology is though

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And graphics

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I still can’t access my PowerPoint from home

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I’m so pissed icl

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I lowk liked it

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11 days

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Almost broke it just now

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But it’s almost midnight

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And in trying to be reasonable

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I didn’t have a specific bad day

#

I feel down

#

But noting significant happened

#

So I’m trying to convince myself to not break it

#

whatever I’ll just wait till tmr

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Fr this time

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But it’s not bad

#

Didn’t do it bad on purpose

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So that tmr I can do it properly

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It doesn’t even feel as great anymore as I need to make sure that it’s areas that can be hidden easily

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Anyways

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Smh skl tmr

silver swallow
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Same thing better results

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Oh yeah

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Totally awesome news

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The form assembly

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That my form is presenting

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Idk if I’ve mentioned it

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But yeah tried avoid eye contact,miss asked me if I can read a short prayer,I said I’ll think abt it but my friends doing the next line after me and I felt bad so I said okay

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And

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Today in form we practiced it

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Keep in mind we stayed in our seats and I’m near the back

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There’s only like 18-20 people reading

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I’m 15th

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There’s 23 people in my form,should be a bit more but many skip form

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And

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So bro no joke

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I was so fkn stressed

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I said it so quick

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And my hands were shaking so bad afterwards

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that just from reading infront of 23 people

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Now imagine me standing at the front actually facing almost 200 kids my age

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And most of them don’t like me even though I’ve never spoken to them

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And it’s on Tuesday

#

Bro I can’t breathe even just thinking about it

#

Pathetic as fuck

#

Man I just really don’t want to go to school in general

#

It’s not as bad as it was in my first year

#

Obv it’s not

#

But idk maybe this is happening bc last November was the month everything went super bad,or maybe it’s like winter depression or whatever people call it

#

But I feel lowkey so drained

#

But then going to school is important due to needing to study and stuff

#

And my attendance is overall 90-95%

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Not bad obv

#

But I’m gonna be missing many days I think

#

Just last term I had 89% and they were messaging my mom about attendance

#

And funny thing

#

I don’t mind going to school

#

Sure it’s tiring sometimes

#

And stressful most times

#

But it’s the only time I actually socialise

#

I come home I literally don’t speak to anyone

#

I don’t speak to my family too much as I’m in my room studying or sleeping or whatever else

#

Not like they’d care anyways

#

When I do try to speak to them,I get ignored

#

And I don’t message with my friends

#

Only really send snaps with my cousin that’s it

#

So the only actually pro of school is socialising with people that actually like me,or so act like it

#

And learning

#

Sometimes

#

This sounds pathetic too smh

#

||relapsed||

#

Now I feel bad abt it

#

But I couldn’t find anything else to do it on rn like the stuff suggested

#

It’s 00:35 so

#

Csnt really do downstairs bc my moms a kinda light sleeper

#

Last time she came downstairs so

#

Bro idk I feel like

#

Idk how to explain it

#

Emotional?

#

Idk but I just feel like sobbing smh

#

But oh well we move on

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I’m not studying anymore,I’m probs js gonna lay in bed and watch smth or just scroll on tiktok idk I’ll see

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you had one job 💔🥀

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I really hate people who send a message then go offline for hours,like I get if u had to suddenly go but 7hours?Damn

#

Or people that constantly come online but won’t respond

#

Smh

#

But oh well,we move on

#

I took a 20min nap earlier

#

Then my dad woke me up by entering my room

#

Idek why he entered

#

Sometimes he just does after he comes from work on his way upstairs

#

But yeah I fell asleep on my phone unintentionally

#

And like

#

I felt like I was asleep but at the same time I was aware of most stuff around me like noises

#

And I just opened my eyes and he wa sin the doorway

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Like just entered

#

And then I couldn’t go back to sleep

#

But surprisingly I’m still not tired

#

I lowkey do just wanna lay down and sleep to see if I feel better

#

But I also don’t want to sleep because then that teams tmr will come ‘faster’

#

Damn I really need to lock in for these mocks

#

They’re one out of three mocks

#

It it’s still better to lock in now

#

Bc what if for whatever reason I csnt do the others

#

And reports are still important so

#

Ik damn well I’m doing all this studying and I won’t even remember it all

#

I’m talking too much tonight

#

But I just can’t stop thinking

#

Like in general

silver swallow
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use

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or lock in

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I can’t use paper for tests

#

I don’t know what exactly on the test so I can’t even write on my hand,in the real exams they’ll be most likely checking so

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dont*

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Eufhajwj

#

Idk why to exactly put

#

But I keep picking at my lips

#

Like ripping the skin off

#

Like constantly it’s just like a habit

#

And my mom gets pissed at me for it

#

“You can just stop yk”

#

Yeah but it’s like a habit

#

I pick at it

#

It bleeds or whatever

#

Scabs up

#

I pick at it again

#

But anyways

#

Yk I have both parents

#

I’m grateful

#

But it really pisses me off when I tell someone I’m downstairs with one of my parents or smth

#

And they say

#

“Oh..luck you,I wish I had a happy family”

#

Like it makes me feel bad for mentioning my parents but it pisses me off

#

Bc they don’t even know the shi that happens sometimes

#

But anyways

#

So yeah I have both parents

#

My moms defo better than my dad

#

Without offence

#

She just doesn’t get physical that’s why

#

And sometimes actually listens to what I have to say

#

Bc once I start talking abt what I like I just keep talking

#

My mom listens

#

Or partly listens

#

But tries to at least give one answer lik “nice” or smth

#

Idk

#

My dad

#

I’m one sentence in

#

“You know what I’m gonna say.I don’t care,good for you”

#

Like damn bro💔

#

So those are a few reasons why I prefer one than the other

#

Even if it’s bad to pick

#

Now I feel bad

#

Anyways

#

I’m going off point

#

I have many pics of me as a kid

#

All smiley w my mom and whatever

#

I have a few pics with my dad but not much,he hates photos

#

Which is understandable

#

I’m two years older than one of my sisters

#

When she was born my grandma died and we were gonna move to Poland

#

We didn’t tho

#

We moved to an apartment a few months later instead

#

Still in England

#

(This is what I’ve been told)

#

Then when I was around 6,my sister was 4

#

I think it was getting hard for my parents to manage

#

My dad worked long

#

I think night shifts

#

Idk I think it depended

#

He swapped jobs a lot

#

And my mom worked short to be able to pick us up from school

#

But they weren’t managing

#

So my grandma came to England

#

We moved to an actual house

#

She had her own room

#

I shared a room with my sister

#

My dad had his own room and my mom slept downstairs

#

This is where I mostly remember my childhood

#

Just constantly with my grandma

#

Her taking us to school

#

Taking us home

#

Heating up food while we watched Tv shows

#

I still love those shows,but they don’t play as much anymore

#

Then we would just wait for my parents to come back

#

I think my mom came home at 5-6

#

My dad came home at 7-8

#

Every night me and my sister took turns sleeping with our grandma

#

She had a double bed or bigger

#

I was just super used to my grandma

#

Often when I had to sleep alone as it was my sister turn to sleep with her,I couldn’t sleep.I would usually go downstairs to sleep with my mom instead on the couch.I remember laying there,I remember the couch,everything,just laying there in silence listening to the clock tick

#

One specific night I couldn’t sleep until 7am or so

#

My mom was super annoyed

#

We kept switching rooms

#

First my room,then downstairs,then back to my room with the window open

#

Didn’t work

#

My mom had to carry my sleeping sister out my grandmas room and I went to sleep with her instead,only then managed to fall asleep

#

It makes sense to say I was super attached to my grandma

#

She went to Poland though when I was around 10 or 11,as my parents were doing okay and my grandma should be given a rest

#

(She ended up caring for my other cousin but I won’t go into that)

#

And I had another little sister

#

But yeah we were managing

#

Big change

#

Csnt remember much of it though

#

Ever since then,I always kept whatever teddies/plushies or blankets I could,always filling my bed with them to avoid feeling alone

#

It sounds childish or cringey or whatever

#

I still can’t sleep without hugging something or being beside someone

#

I feel more at ease then

#

I don’t know if constantly being beside someone really affected my sleep now

#

I doubt it

#

But still wanted to mention it

#

I fell asleep immediately last night when my dog came into my room

#

Same with my cat later on

#

Damn this sounds pathetic😓

#

A teen only able to sleep hugging stuff smh

silver swallow
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I fell asleep today while studying lmfao

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bo'oh'o'wa'tah

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Smh

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---------

#

I feel so negative about myself

#

Like there’s nothing I like about myself

#

Genuinely

#

Thinking about the presentation tmr I can’t breathe

#

•As I’ve said I literally like nothing about me

#

I feel so nauseous after eating

#

I always have

#

I really consider ||purging||