#mel's vent space 🦆

102 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

vagrant crystal
#

my journal for heavy topics & i hope someone can relate. you are not alone

#

i hate everything

#

my life was fine a week ago

#

had vacation

#

Everything was great

#

and what did i do? i fucking ruined it

#

I decided to smoke weed after a long time of not doing it and i greened out 😐

#

First panic attack happened i thought i was dying

#

It's been a week and im having anxiety attacks everyday

#

It gets hard to breathe

#

I got meds prescribed and whenever i take one they calm me down instantly

#

I feel so fucking stupid

#

I feel mentally ill IM NOT THAT MENTALLY ILL

#

WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING

#

ITS BEEN A WEEK SO STOP

#

I just want my old life back even tho it was miserable

#

Today i went outside with my mom and grandma because i had to

#

We took the bus

#

I couldnt breathe and it felt like everyone was watching me

#

Once it stopped i fucking get out and almost puke and i started to sob saying i can't breathe everyone looked at me like wtf out the window

#

I didnt take the pill thank FUCK

#

I managed to calm down

#

Then my mother had her appointment i was outside with my grandma

#

What happened? I break down and start crying

#

I couldnt calm down

#

I took a pill

#

Walked home with them looking like a drunk piece of shit

#

Whoever looked at me thought i was fucked up

#

I tried to walk normally but i couldn't

#

I just felt my legs going directions and swaying

#

Then i got home took off my stupid pants i hate them so much but they look good

#

I laid down had food in my bed tried to calm down from everything

#

But the pill just made me pass out

#

And i just woke up like an hour ago

#

And its still making me feel like im going to faint and im still tired I WANT TO SLEEP

#

i wanna sleep just sleep sleep sleep i hate being awake and conscious

#

Sleeping takes it all away

#

Makes me feel okay

#

I feel dizzy

#

Atleast my cat's here

IMG_1137.jpg
#

She's cookie

#

I don't know why the fuck it keeps happening . The doctors said i was fine my lungs and heart is fine

#

Then why does my nervous system keep being so dramatic

#

Its so hard to breathe EVERY SINGLE FUCKING DAY

#

AND I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO IVE TRIED EVERY BREATHING EXCERSISES it feels like i am the only exception when it comes to things.

#

Like those breathing excersises are supposed to help but they dont help me

#

And i dont want to take one of those pills because they make me numb

#

But atleast im Not panicing

#

The only downside to these is that they make you addicted

#

So im trying and fighting so bad not to panic to the point i have to take a pill

#

Im going to leave my phone now and rest

#

Im jealous of people who feel like themselves

#

Because I DONT FEEL LIKE MYSELF

#

I WANT TO

#

I want my own miserable fucking life back

#

I dont want to feel like this anymore

#

Im jealous of people who are "normal"

#

God my mental health is killing me

#

And the worst part about it is i can go through all the attacks, it's just that i'm TIRED of them

#

That's what makes everything worse

#

Nobody wants panic attacks and anxiety attacks

#

But i went to the ER twice and they told me im fine, they also didn't take it that serious so it's probably not? Right? Even the psychiatrist that i went to told me he only takes "emergencies" so i hope these attacks will stop coming

#

Yeah but if i fucking told him i wanted to die like last time surely he would've took me lmao

#

Life is so unfair

#

This is the first time in life where i feel so unseen

#

Went to the ER twice nobody comforted me they just checked my heart gave me a pill and sent me home lmao. Couldnt you just say a few words? "Youll be fine, this happens a lot" or something like that

#

People are so gross

#

"Just doing their job" no shit i feel like im fucking dying here be atleast a little bit sympathetic?

#

Today literally everything bothered me

#

Cars that passed by scared me, people who smoked around me, the town's fucking testing siren really had to go off in the middle of my attack

#

Loud people and things bother me now

#

I really hope it passes because i dont want to live this way

#

I still want to grow up even tho im 18 i still want to do things

#

And with this i CANT

#

I want to go to a concert

#

Lmao imagine me at a concert

#

Yeah it would be straight hell

#

My chest feels tight rn

#

Unsure what to do

#

Because if i do breathing excersises, ill start to panic because ill hear my own breathing and my brain says oh my god!!! Your lungs are working and i can hear it!!! Panic mode

#

Okay so uhmm if anybody has tips dm me i would appreciate it so damn much

#

I've tried literally everything btw

#

If anyone knows any other tips PLEASE DM ME

vagrant crystal
#

RIP OZZY OSBOURNE

#

🤘🏻

#

So uhh

#

I want to be in my room but at the same time i don't. I don't know where else to go

#

And even when I am away from my room something inside me just wants to go back to my room... idk

#

Does that make sense?

#

It does

#

OKAY EVERYONE I WILL BE TURNING ON REPLIES NOW.

#

Done

#

So if you want to give a few tips, please do because I'm in need of them (especially for panic attacks)

vagrant crystal
#

I feel weird

#

Idk

#

I feel

#

Weird

#

Today

#

I didnt have any attacks thats weird

#

Uhm.

south drum
# vagrant crystal

I know this has been so painful for you. It truly sounds overwhelming.
The fact that you’re still holding on through all of this—that’s incredibly brave.

I’m really sorry. Most of us honestly don’t know how to deal with panic either.
But I saw that little booklet you wrote, with things that might help.
Just the fact that you’re writing them down and trying—that’s already something.
You’re doing so well, even if it doesn’t feel like it.

You’re not just trying—you’re fighting, and I think that’s freaking amazing.