#lynks’ core

121 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

sterile maple
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one thing i reaaaaally wanna talk about is my first date last Wednesday

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some time ago i was going through it and i felt like shit and all i wished for was someone who would actually care about me and talk to me

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andd a couple days later a girl with the name of “omneya” which translates to wish popped out of nowhere

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turns out she is with me in school in the same building just the floor above, she’s only 3 months older

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idk how i didnt even notice her there

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buttt im glad i did now

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we bestied for a couple of months and she has been the best person ever to enter my life

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anddd one day i confessed and turns out she also liked me but she was too nervous to confess!

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and here i am now with my gf of 6 months

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in those 6 months we had school and we would see each other everyday and hangout

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but last wednesday was our first ever proper date

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we went out to eat pizza together and walk since we both love walking andd

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we just kept on walking for hours and hours and talking

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anddddd

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after some timee

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(ofc i asked her before it cuz i respect her opinion)

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if we can kiss

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and she agreed

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soo

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i was kinda smooth at it

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anddd

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i said look its a cat

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cuz she loves cat

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and when she looked back at me i just went for it

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both of us were shocked for the first minute 😭😭

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anddd

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we continued our walking session like nothing happened

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and randomly mid conversation she asked for another kiss 😋

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sooo who am i to say no ykyk

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anddd

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uhhh

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yeah thats about it for the date except we held hands the entire walk

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anddddd

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at the end of the date before i took her home

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we hugged

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and i was really happy about it to the point i started tearing (p.s: i was treated like shit before so i never thought id be this happy with her thats why i teared up)

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andd

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she noticed tha

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and asked if im okay

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i said no

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and she grabbed my face and held it

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and told me to let it all out

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tbh i was too shy to cry soo

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i just said no its fine and whatevee

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anddd

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thats how my first ever proper date went!!

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anddd

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we agreed on going on a second date next tuesday!!

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to the moviess

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before in the past i was treated like shit by my exes and friends and family

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they would treat me like i dont have emotions and a robotic being

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i used to feel inhumane.

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until “wish” came into my life

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she’s the first to ever make me feel loved and cared about

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she made me feel like im actually a human who’s deserving of love and should be treated as nice as everyone else

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and thats mainly the reason i love her

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i know this sounds pathetic since we’re only 15 but, i would really love to marry this girl and she would love too!!

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andddd i seriously cant wait to meet her next tuesday!!

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soo yeah thats pretty much about it thats what i wanted to sayy

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and also compared to other toxic relationships i view our relationship as very healthy, loving, caring and that hopefully nothing goes wrongg

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because i sure do wanna spend the rest of my life with this beautiful girl

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i still cant forget the way she looked at me after she asked if im okay after the hug

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the only problem in this whole relationship is me and my overthinking.

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im scared she’ll end up dumping me like every relationship ive been through

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she reassured me mutliple times and swore that she wont leave me (unelss i cheat ofc which is not happening)

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but no matter the amount of reassurance i get i still cant seem to make the overthinking stop.

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because i know damn well if this girl dumps me or ghosts me ill have my life flipped over like a tortilla

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i might even ||kms||.

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because after all this shit ive been through i finally find someone who makes me feel human and loveable and then that person ends up leaving? yeah nah id rather ||die||

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now very offtopic but

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ive been having this horrible chest pain since 2 days ago and i cant sleep cuz of it

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no i dont smoke or vape (anymore) and its not cuz of them

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and no i dont have asthma or allergies

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i mean im allergic to cats but ive never been near one in those couple of days

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buttt yeah thats pretty much it for my today’s journal

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i really hope people actually read this and reply to anything they want or ask questions, i love being talked to especially in direct

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it makes me feel less left out and less lonely

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thank you to anyone who ever read till the end <33

vast pelican
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I'm glad you've found such a wonderful girlfriend.
Angels are rare lights in this world, yet quietly—you’ve met one.
Wishing you and her a long, lasting journey together.

sterile maple
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hi today me

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remember that horrible chest pain a couple days ago

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yeah today i couldnt breath at all and i was sent to the hospital

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||e||

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andd

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a canola was put in my arm

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and some medicaments were squeezed in

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wasnt that good of a time tbh

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it hurt like shit

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anyways

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did lungs xray

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turns out its cuz of vaping and smoking

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andd

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cold water

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too cold water*

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since i have a bad immune system

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andd

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i also had very low blood pressure and was on the edge of passing out

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sooo

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i just came back from the hospital a bit ago

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and i wont say i feel completely better but i feel some decent wellness

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its 7:02 am and i havent slept since 3 days so ill go to try and sleep because tomorrow i have basketball practice

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idk if ill attend that tho

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ill check if ill attend it in the morning once i measure my blood pressure

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goodnight everyone!

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and goodnight me

sterile maple
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yesterday night i was called emotionless.

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a robotic being

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not even a human.

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by my own family

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not just one member

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no, all of them

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im not gonna go into details but

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i have no appetite for food

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i give up

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everytime i feel like things are getting better for me i drop down back to the pit of hell i was in

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and i genuinely feel like im useless

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i havent took my medications today at all nor ate anything

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in 4 hours and 30 mins itll officially be 24 hours without food water or medicine

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i just hope they actually give a fuck about me after im dead

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and even if they dont and still call me empty and robotic atleast i wont be able to hear them