#Venting diary (just_be_me)

36 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

worn prairie
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So, first try in making one of these. I am kind of looking for a place to safely vent. So far i used to vent in another discord channel but often don't get any reactions so thought i would give this a try.

Probably need to figure out a bit how this works but we'll see how it goes.

I've been struggling with quite some things lately. So thought i'd just share some thoughts...

I feel like i am about to totally crash or something. I've been trying to work through things that happened ||SA|| for quite a while now in therapy ...and lately, things feel really difficult, like i start to fully realize what happened. And i am discovering some patterns and coping mechanisms that i try to change but i feel hopelessly stuck. I am aware of the patterns but keep doing it anyway, it's so tiring and frustrating. And i recently got diagnosed with endometriosis so have to try and process that too...while i combine this with a fulltime job... I feel like i can't keep going like this but also like i have no other options 😢

This is how i felt a week ago. Currently i'm on a holiday. It helped me relax a bit although my anxiety keeps making things hard and had a few nightmares as well. Anyway, trying to enjoy as best as i can with my partner.

alpine summit
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Sorry for what you’ve been through, and for your recent diagnosis.
I really admire the way you’re facing what happened and how brave you are for speaking about it.
I’m genuinely glad you’re able to take a break right now.
You deserve to let yourself relax.
I hope you and your partner can have a really lovely holiday together.

worn prairie
worn prairie
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I just realized i left my medication at the previous hotel we were staying at...which is another island... So no way for me to get it back. I feel so stupid. I used to be so good at planning, remembering and managing things...but lately...i don't know what is happening but things are a mess and i seem to forget important things a lot more often...

I will try to call my doctors office at home tomorrow and ask for a prescription that i can hopefully use at a pharmacy here as well...

unborn vigil
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It's human to forget things!! Don't be hard on yourself I hope things work out!!

worn prairie
unborn vigil
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That's great!!

night nimbus
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If ur using an antidepressant it’s kind of normal to have some problems to remember things tho

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Don’t worry too much

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But you need to use it everyday

worn prairie
worn prairie
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Back home from our holiday. The travelling back wasn't very nice. The first flight was okay, but the connecting flightbwas delayed, first with one hour but in the end, it was almost two hours and a half.

I am happy i am back home, but my period started. My back and stomach are kind of killing me.

But i try so hard to focus on being nice and be there for my husband. He has been a bit ill and we had a difficult conversation in how i feel alone with a lot of things, so he is also beating himself up over it.

So we did the laundry and i thanked him for helping, but he reacted with "was that sarcastic?"...so there's that for giving a compliment. And the worst is probably he thinks that, because i sometimes am being sarcastic that way when he doesn't help out...so probably digging my own grave here...

worn prairie
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Just got triggered by a very explicit video that was made by the government as a campaign to warn the public about ||spiking|| and ||sexual abuse/rape||.... But the video was so explicit and graphic... And i was already spiraling and my thoughts keep going back to my own experience...

unborn vigil
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... Much stuff going on indeed...

worn prairie
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So first day back to work after my two week holiday and i am looking forward to it.

Past few days that i was home have been kind of eventfull and intense. I tried to talk to my partner about a few things but it's often really hard because he often feels like the things i say are an attack on him and he can't do anything right or it's never good enough. So i try to find ways to express my emotions and needs without making him feel that way.

Yesterday was hard because i was stuck in overthinking about traumatic memories because of a discussion we had...and it was so hard to get out of my head and back fully into the present. I was endlessly replaying in my head what happened..with much questions like ||was it really sexual abuse? Does it count? Was it that bad or am i making things bigger than they are? What happened during the moments i don't remember?...||

I tried opening up about it to my partner...but i felt so uncomfortable, restless and unsafe in general that i was hard. We ended up watching a movie to distract me a bit

unborn vigil
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Your partner likely is just as confused as you are.

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Distractions help

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Meditations

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Therapeutic aroma scents

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Doing the things that make you the happiest

worn prairie
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I don't know how long i can keep going anymore...

unborn vigil
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Say you can do it right now

worn prairie
# unborn vigil What do you want done

I just want a break. Not the constant overthinking, always trying to be mindful and trying to improve when it feels like none of it is even seen or appreciated...

unborn vigil
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Do you not deserve to reward yourself?

worn prairie
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I feel like there is no space for taking a break... And sadly one of the things i am trying to work through is finding a way to give myself permission to rest. It makes things really hard.

Anyway, slightly better today. Work was alright so that helps a bit

unborn vigil
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I really hope Ur okay it's good today was going better atleast with all taht has happened to you, you definibtley deserve a break!! There definitely is space for a break I think you'd go crazy without one constant working is definibtley unhealthy!!! Take care🫶

unborn vigil
unborn vigil
unborn vigil
worn prairie
worn prairie