#airhead's journal

1 messages Β· Page 8 of 1

valid axle
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and that their relationship crumbles to pieces

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EVERYONE

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WHO BREATHES

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my grandma came in nd said happy christmas and i kinda just froze up

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i think shes upset i ddint say it back and slammed the door Sadden

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shes not doing dinner for me either so im going to my moms ig

valid axle
valid axle
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what do i want to bee

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hmmmm

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it's a difficfult question

valid axle
valid axle
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im already looking at what mangas to get next

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wellt heres sum i dont have yet

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wait thhank u for reminding me

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i got an amazon gfit card too

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lets see how much it gives

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it says Β£15-100

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i lowk need these

tight torrent
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Or there's usually a number on the back that you can call!

valid axle
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it gave me 20

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πŸ₯Ή

valid axle
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redid my room

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the new shelf isso fire

valid axle
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I was playing a fighting game with my friend and she was handling a fight pretty fine

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i thought i wouldnt need to help

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but then she was yelling for me to do something

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and then called me useless and left

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i hate how much my mood can change over one person

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have a whole list of reasons i can name on why i hate myself

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i cant even look at my screen while typing shit like this

valid axle
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js entered my flow state

valid axle
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hmmmmmmmm

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it's 2am and I just

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I'm not that tired yet

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I've just been thinking about what I'm gonna do a relationsgip

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I'm js so doomed

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I wanted a relationsgio and I can't even have that

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just pleae

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let the right love find me soon

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I don't know how much longer I can do this

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please

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PLEASE

valid axle
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going back to return my skateboard now

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I hope I do get my desired full refund

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I cleaned the wheels as much as I could

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if I'm lucky I'll have my money in half an hour

valid axle
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I couldn't get it refunded

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:(

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used it for 5 mins btw

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oh well

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I'll go sell it

valid axle
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bad things do just keep happening though

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every time i look in the mirror my eyes get darker

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i feel i've slowly just been watching the light inside me grow dimmer and dimmer

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to the point where i'm unrecognisable

valid axle
valid axle
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nothing to do or play

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today i was playing with my friends and another friend called S

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she was like beefing with one of my friends and they're basically not friends anymore

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im jus worried they'll be upset i didnt do anything

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getting messages from her rn but im jus afraid to open them

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so im going invis for a bit

valid axle
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i have this one denji edit i love to pieces

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i see it reposted from time to time

valid axle
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i feel like there's a lot of people i need to cut off

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because it's slowly hurting me

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but i just dont know

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either way im drifting away from people

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i'm sorry to everyone who i've been rude to today

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i was just angry because i'm not good enough at the game

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my heart is just extra heavy today

valid axle
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so awesome

image.png
valid axle
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been obsessing this song

valid axle
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its 2026 now so

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happy new year

valid axle
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im FUCKING PIIISSSEEEEED

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I WOKE UP AT 9:30

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BUT I FELL ASLEEP BEFORE I COULD GET UP

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k so

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bro i need the new message to start

valid axle
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my friend invited me to her server yesterday

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and and

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was joking abt not inviting me so i said nvm then

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and she invited me anyway

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i spent a few hours building the confidence to say hi

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and nobody said it back

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fucking hate when i just get completely ignored when im around new people

valid axle
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its stressin me out sm

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i dont know if i should leave because i dont want my friend to be bothered abt it

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i dont wanna remind ppl i said hi because i dont wannna look attention seeking

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im js gonna send a message again

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if i get ignored again im fuckin leaving

valid axle
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fuck

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fml

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so that same girl i got gifts for when we were together

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the same person i wanted to try again with

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is going to casual hangouts and shit

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and taking pictures with this one guy

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but when i spend a whole fucking MONTH asking just to play

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she cant

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CAN IT REALLY GET ANY WORSE

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so so sick of it all

valid axle
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this is jkust so so ragebait

valid axle
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sometimes i stop texting the people i talk to a lot to see if we can start a conversation from them texting me first

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they never rlly do..

valid axle
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guys i havea

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new favourite gif

valid axle
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how my pc fans be lined up

valid axle
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yea im like gonna leave the server i keep stressing abt

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cuz

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i get basically ignored

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all the time

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wonder if ppl do care about me because i rarely get messages from anyone

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but it's not like i'm any less introverted than them

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but that small event

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of them just laughing away

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and ignoring me

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ruined my mood js now

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hope it takes them ages to find out i left so i have more of a reason to be upset

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atp i just think im gonna lose that person

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they barely text me

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the only times we ever have conversations are when i talk to them

valid axle
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sometimes i be sweating on a game for no reason

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i gotta use deoderent

valid axle
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unadded my ex finally

valid axle
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volume warning probably

valid axle
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broo i have literally zero recollection of what ive been doing for the last 30 minutes

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HAVE I BEEN ON TIKTOK???

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I DONT KNOW

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IM GOING INSANE

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WAS I SO ZONED OUT

valid axle
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Fuck

valid axle
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guys

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im making steady progress

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so u know about my

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atytatchment problems

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and that one friend i met who i was stressing over a bit

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because they called me useless

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i'm now in their bio of friends SteamHappy

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air is me btw

valid axle
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im not one bit tired

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i need help on a game but i got nobody to ask

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like

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i need to ask somebody who knows the friggin game

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bc it just came out and idk it well

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i wanna sleep but im js

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not tired..

valid axle
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its not always the football fans, but it's always a football fan

image.png
valid axle
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eating salad rn

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i almost frew up trying to eat pickled onions

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boutta eat another tho

valid axle
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i didnt finish it

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owever

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watching frieren rn

valid axle
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i got like half of frieren finished

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actually enjoyed it

thorn pilot
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I js ate your fridge

valid axle
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what th ehlle dude

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wh

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WHAT

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WHWYOULK YOU SAY THAT

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WHAT THE HELL

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HWO COLDYOU

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WHAT IS WRONGWIT YOU

valid axle
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ive rlly lost my creativity

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ive been on a game trying to make stuff

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went through a cycle of making something then deleting it

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for 50 full minutes

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till i gave up

thorn pilot
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Cracking

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Crackling

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Hih

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Huh

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Wtv word for laughing

valid axle
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cackling

thorn pilot
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Nvm it's not funny anymore

valid axle
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yeah just give it up atp

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go bald

thorn pilot
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My English is not George Washingtoning

thorn pilot
valid axle
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my fault

thorn pilot
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My socks feel wet

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WAIT WRONG CHAT

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Shit

valid axle
thorn pilot
valid axle
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college tomorrow

valid axle
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i genuinely dont care if you're best friends with a girl or more if u gonna talk to her this way then you shouldnt be near a girl

image.png image.png
delicate lintel
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i mean even with a boy if ur a boy

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to anyone

valid axle
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waiting for people to realise sa jokes are NOT funny blurrycry ✌️

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i havbe a few girl friends who ive seen have them type of jokes around them nd they dont care

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genuinely pmo that it bothers me more than them

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some people need to DIE

valid axle
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OTUKA CONGRAULATIONS

image.png
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and this which came out like 2 weeks ago

image.png
valid axle
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i have a goal for this year

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i can't say it but

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i have a goal

valid axle
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generational save from me

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btw

valid axle
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RISEEE AND SHIIINNNEEEEE

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this week is gonna be marvelous

valid axle
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guyys i bet my music is so fucked rn

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lets see

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trackify isnt loading..

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js give it a min

valid axle
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so ab the server ehwre I just got ignored and left

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unadded the person now

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if they msg me again I'll tell them I felt quite upset that they didn't show that they cared after I tried to message them frequently and joined their server js to get ignored

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and that I deep down hate ppl bragging their relationsgip in my face

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on top of that

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ill tel her that if she rlly is just still in the server because of me then she should just leave

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I would feel quite cruel for this but I'm fuckng sick of feeling neglected by people who I put effort into talking to

valid axle
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3am

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I'm gonna be blatantly honest but like

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I don't think I'm gonna end up anywhere good in the future

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like I know its good to have some faith in yourself and to see yourself somewhere good

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and I've seen that vision but it's just not that bright

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but its the only real light I've seen

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I really want to study and enjoy my classes and studies but I just

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my brain doesn't want to

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I failed my first proper written test

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this year

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I need the good mindset but I wonder if people who do that avtually believe the things they say

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or they are just like me but think as long as they belive then it'll be okay?

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honestly it's just

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a sad little life I have

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I don't have a single thing I want because I can't reach out

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I've wanted friends and a partner just so I have a place of comfort outside my own home

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it's so sad

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maybe 10 or so years ago I was at least something

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avtuslly that's a lie

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in elementary I was more like a bully because I was too blind to see how much others were genuinely upset

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when I said things to them

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I felt like the good person because my family sided with me

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but I was rlly just telling them the wrong things.

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even in high-school I picked on one of my friends a bit

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I just didn't realise

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how much it hurt

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I wonder why I don't have a partner of friends but I'm rlly just not that good at being someone either of those would want

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or friends*

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maybe I should be looking for a professional

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just to be someone for me to talk to

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I don't care if I look like an attention whore but I just wish people did talk to me more

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in general

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I love talking but I just don't get to much

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all my conversations with others are short..

valid axle
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idk if any of you readers are that socially confident or not but js for me please don't be afraid to do as little as say hi

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knowing I exist in someone else's world will fulfill me

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gn

valid axle
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best alex g song

valid axle
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NOOO

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I WAS GONNA DO SOMETHING

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BUT I FORGOT

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FFFFUUUCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

valid axle
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rememberee

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d

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i need to do something that benefits my education

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because doing nothing rn makes me feel really shitty

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like a heavy weight on my chest

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hate when people try to be funny

image.png
valid axle
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attatchment and jealousy isues have to be the worst things to have in one

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i wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy

valid axle
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i havent had the energy to add to this

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sorry

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i guess i'm just afraid to talk about it?

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i don't really know

valid axle
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ill explain it later

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mha spoilers

valid axle
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had a small disagreement with some of my friends so im js ignoring them for a bit

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im not gonna be the same person who ignores my own feelings just cause i got texted

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i need time and space too

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i think i understand why im afraid to check the dms though

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because i have a deep fear that they'll say something whilst i'm already quite upset

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nd push me down further

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if that happens i wont get any sleep

valid axle
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i was running away from my problms for like a whole hour

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something's wrong with me i've never done that before

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otuka's music speaks louder than any voice in my head

valid axle
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i think im gonna send a message to otuka just because he's changed me a lot in general

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i dont know if he'll even see my msg but i hope so

valid axle
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so that friend that i was stressing abt cs of their server

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thgey just left this one

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and i dont have them anywhere else or added on discord

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so they rlly are just gone for good

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deep down i dont think they gave a shit abt me at all

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after i left they never messaged me or anything

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i invest so much fucking time with people just for them to not message me once

valid axle
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my friend i was playing with today

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was getting pissed over somoene else who joined me

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and she said

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"next time if ur gonna play w me turn your joins off"

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and left entirely

thorn pilot
valid axle
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ragebaits her a lot

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everytime they play

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they like arch nemesis

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idrk what to do when my friends beef anyway

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js let it happen

thorn pilot
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You don't rlly have to do anything

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Thats a them problem and they should stop including you into it

valid axle
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such an odd position to be in

valid axle
thorn pilot
valid axle
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i had one too

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the train i was on derailed

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and my friend in my dream responded with this

o-o-dog.png
valid axle
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jujutsu kaisen season 3 is out

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and with it is a brand new awesome opening

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and it's fucking GOOD

valid axle
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gonna try minesweeper

valid axle
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minesweeper pmo

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love it tho

molten pine
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lowk goated game πŸ”₯

valid axle
#

fr

valid axle
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i forgot what it was i was gonna vent about like 3 days ago

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but today

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my friend s

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had a friend joined

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called riri

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we have a lot of beef but today was like it

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she kept attacking me for no reason even when i wasnt talking to her

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i told her that she's just scared to fight and when she did i beat her like twice

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lowk just made her leave cuz i was apparently ragebaiting

valid axle
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i won but at whatt cost

valid axle
valid axle
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got some bad news

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unfortunately tomorrow i will be

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evil...

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i know this is heart breaking to all my 3 journal viewers but

valid axle
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evil greetings

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evilly love this

spare sable
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Stinky

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I'll bully u everywhere

valid axle
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#huddle-vent-1

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thanks

dreamy quarry
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It says on the description

valid axle
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it was a metaphor

dreamy quarry
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Indicate that next time.

valid axle
#

sassy PANTS

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guys i

valid axle
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fujimoto designs such pretty characters

valid axle
valid axle
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hi guys

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hiii

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tomorrow im going to sleep early

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for college!!!

valid axle
valid axle
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u know what my least favorite people are

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people who like

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get in a relationship after breaking up like a month ago

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js say ur cheating bruh

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and that you got backups

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i know 2 of them

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and i dont tolerate either

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today i am beating minesweeper

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for the first time

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i got it now

valid axle
#

OTUKA IS SO GOOD

image.png
valid axle
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i agree with this guy

valid axle
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AHHHHHHHHHHHH

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I LOVE MY BLOODY VALENTINE

valid axle
valid axle
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I HATE AGE PLAYERS

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BUT I LOVE CLOUDYFIELD

valid axle
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i have a new pfp ready but

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i dont know yet

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not yet

tight torrent
valid axle
#

soon

valid axle
#

i have suspicions my friend is playing with their joins off because of me

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they literally know i join them 90% of the time when i play

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and i play alot

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jus kinda sucks

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why do i have to be the enemy of this situation in the end

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i was doing nothing but defending myself

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please i dont wanna lose this friend

valid axle
#

3 different friends i vent to

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how many of them are online

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none

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was a false alarm mostly

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idk why they were off to begin with tho

valid axle
#

joins back off

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i can see right through her

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im trying to find a distraction but

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my chest js hurts

valid axle
#

fuck

valid axle
#

i give my heart and so much more to myth and roid

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anyways

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new chapters of csm and gachiakuta both came out

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nothing short of peak

valid axle
#

my brain keeps saying such horrible horrible things

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why does it do that

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my heart doesn't want to believe it

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I hope my friend doesn't get here before my train arrives

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I'm sick of being left behind by them as soon as they run into someone else

valid axle
spare sable
spare sable
valid axle
#

SHUT UP

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sorry

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anyways guys

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i just finishjed frieren

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wait i need to post my watchlist

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my watchlist!!
gurren lagann
soul eater
frieren beyond journey's end
castlevania
the summer hikaru died
made in abyss
takopi's original sin
hell's paradise
tokyo ghoul

black clover (?)
bleach (?)
fire force (?)

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epic

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im gambling what im gonna watch next

spare sable
valid axle
#

FUCK no

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there is no art style that pisses me off more than the promised neverland

spare sable
#

😑

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Aight bro

valid axle
#

imma watch naruto before that SHIT

valid axle
#

guys i spun a wheel for what i watch next

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its the summer hikaru died

hot whale
valid axle
#

my friend still have her joins off

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ive tried not to think about it too much today

valid axle
#

w eats

20260114_120827.jpg
valid axle
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conclusion

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i'm just overthinking

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CONCLUDED

valid axle
#

new day new edit to send here

valid axle
#

accidentally spoiled chainsaw man a tiny bit to my friend

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||i did a question of the day asking who is your favourite of the four horsemen and revealed that makima is one of the four horseman (there's not really anything in the anime yet that leads to that conclusion||

valid axle
#

i apologised and he called me cute

valid axle
#

IM FEELING SO POSITIVE

robust mountain
valid axle
#

YES

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ME

valid axle
#

today someone tried to destroy my happiness

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luckily i put their tomfoolery to a halt

robust mountain
#

tuff

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u gotta assert dominance

valid axle
#

innit

robust mountain
valid axle
#

vro

valid axle
#

playing a game that honestly just sucks

valid axle
#

theres a guy knocking on my door rn

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but im not answering

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cs my grandam doesnt wamt me to

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blud jus go away

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roblox what r we doing

valid axle
#

w eats

20260116_172454.jpg
#

i also ate my salad that i made

robust mountain
valid axle
#

hid a cool one in the middle for you

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just for you

robust mountain
#

IM GIGGLING

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THANK YIU FOR THE COOL ONE JUST FOR ME

valid axle
#

i dont liike talking in a server where the chat is so active my message dissapears after like 5 seconds

valid axle
harsh vine
valid axle
#

yes

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its like

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server too social for me bnyue bye

harsh vine
#

too spooky

valid axle
#

roblox hello?

image.png
valid axle
#

ive been talking someone else who could be a potential partner because she doesnt live far

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but

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some of the stuff she says to other people so publicly is

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honestly horrible and its changedmy mind

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here's one thing heavy nsfw warning

SPOILER_image.png
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im not gonna post anything else abt it

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u can tell js from my reaction lol

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i know people cant js read me like a magician but when i js say "oh" to something it's either like "wow that was a bit hurtful to see" or just whatever else you think "oh" would mean

harsh vine
harsh vine
#

thats yucky

valid axle
#

so yucky

harsh vine
valid axle
#

hey they only live like 4 hours away i woldnt have minded

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but brooo

harsh vine
#

my honest reaction

valid axle
#

if they gonna act like a

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COUGAR

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dont ask what that means

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then NO

harsh vine
valid axle
#

its like someone who just jumps from relationship to relationship

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because of the way she acts to ppl she's not even dating

harsh vine
#

uhmm yeah thats yucky

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4 hrs isnt worth it atp πŸ’”

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just get your money up not your funny up

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you dont need huzz just lock in twinny✌️

valid axle
#

the lion is deprived of touch and needs reassurance

valid axle
harsh vine
harsh vine
valid axle
#

im not saying over discord anyway sadness

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u know unless they live like super close to me

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i met one of my irl friends off discord cuz we found out we live like 2 towns away πŸ₯Ή

harsh vine
#

okay you can get your discord huzz but not uh people that say those statements probably!!

valid axle
#

enough

harsh vine
#

im so funny

valid axle
#

how about i just punch you 500 billion times

harsh vine
#

i lowkenuinely wanna fight someone just to see if i could win

valid axle
#

honestly same

harsh vine
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but id also feel super duper bad if i actually did

valid axle
#

i almost got into a fight like in 2023

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but i just ran away bc im not trying to fight a dude when im carrying 2 bags

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πŸ€Όβ€β™‚οΈ

delicate lintel
#

just in case

valid axle
#

if it was in school i would highkey let it happen

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then they get in trouble

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soon as we get out of school im BODY SLAMMING them

delicate lintel
#

even if you wanna fight them, first thing you do is dodge

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you will always be knocked down if they get to you no matter how much you try

harsh vine
#

unless like

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they had an actual gun or smth wanted to kill me

harsh vine
#

she was shit talking abt them and i tried to talk them out of it but uh idk it was three girls and two of them had bpd

delicate lintel
harsh vine
#

so like i couodve been in a fight

harsh vine
#

people that i made friends w while i was there

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and hey dont say that, theyre there bc theyre struggling, its not their fault

delicate lintel
#

people in psych ward often have very extreme mentalities

harsh vine
#

they were all sweet, the two other girls were jst trying to back up the one that got mad bc in their mind its supportive

delicate lintel
harsh vine
delicate lintel
harsh vine
harsh vine
delicate lintel
#

adult wards are just many depressed young adults

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or people with serious psychotic problems

harsh vine
delicate lintel
#

i have a friend who went to one

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they had a very explosive and paranoid personality

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what i hear the most about people who go to psych ward is " they were talking shit so i did this and that "

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or " i hate them because they are a bitch "

harsh vine
harsh vine
delicate lintel
#

she has a very severe GAD

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and is bipolar

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i also thought i had GAD, but studying more my symtpoms it looks more like chronic anxiety with adhd being the main cause

valid axle
#

hi guys

delicate lintel
#

and stress

delicate lintel
harsh vine
# delicate lintel or " i hate them because they are a bitch "

yeahh i did meet people like that, it was lwk spooky bc the way i am i like dont rlly get in conflict w people i jst dont like want anyone against me, so whenever people would say they wanted fight i was jst trying to tell them it might not be a good idea but then like idk i didnt want them mad at me either

valid axle
#

welcome tom y jopurnal

harsh vine
harsh vine
delicate lintel
valid axle
harsh vine
#

i hope shes able to get over that paranoia

harsh vine
valid axle
#

the king allows it

#

im going to sleep soon anyway

delicate lintel
#

to be honest one of the main reasons i think i might have adhd is not because i cant pay attention or might be inactive

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but because im very prone to addiction

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anything addicts me very quickly

harsh vine
delicate lintel
#

ive done some research and it is bc people with adhd have dopamine problems

delicate lintel
harsh vine
harsh vine
valid axle
#

thinking if i should doomscroll whilst i wait for my friend to reply

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orjust sit on discord

harsh vine
valid axle
#

i have a watchlist thats longer than my hopes and dreams right now

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so thats gonna wait

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ok goodnight

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my friend sent me 3 messages but I'll gatekeep

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as punishment

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I love you small people in my computer

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have a good day

#

@harsh vine @delicate lintel

harsh vine
delicate lintel
valid axle
#

i almost barfed up my whole breakfast cuz i gagged a bit of it out

#

tummy hurt

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another server im in added a journal system js like huddle so i might use both but that wont mean im using this one less than it

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ive found my people

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this salad got me fucked up

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its so good

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hate when ppl say really off putting shit

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and makes me change my mind abt talking w them

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she's so gorgeous

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reworked the straw page a bit

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😱

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I HIT 500 LISTENS ON ONE OF MY FAVOURITE SONGS

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i think i like this little one

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i feel so NOT out of it today

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πŸ‘€πŸ‘€πŸ‘€πŸ‘€

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yo that looks horrible nvm

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im crine

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killed 2 monsters

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left

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feel really low rn idk why

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today was really mentally tiring

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one of my friends took my name out of their bio

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:(

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i have some shit i need to like

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copy and paste here

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from my other journal

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some people gotta go

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TATSUYA KITANI IS SO FUCKING GOOD

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I FUCKING LOVE JPOP

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asa

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asa

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asa asa asa asa asa asa

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bro hunting

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robust mountain
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asa

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asaaaaa

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yeah i havent had much to talk abt

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ive been stressing internally about getting a job

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idk if i can work at a front desk

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with people

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i'm a lot worse at socialising than i thought

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need to make a cv....

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i think having a partner boosts my confidence because imagining a world where i can't support them genuinely hurts to think abt

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vr chat avtars are disgusting bro

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16 yr olds wearing avatars of barely clothed teens

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this shit frying me

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it's a mod that makes the bugs say racist things

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robust mountain
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asa

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robust mountain
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asa

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we looove asa

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yes asa

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asaaaaa

robust mountain
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asasteam_happy

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this you

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robust mountain
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basically have a partner already set in stone but it makes me fear for the future even more

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because i want to do better in college and more importantly get a job

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if i don't get some sort of income im gonna feel like im living off her

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and thats a rabbit hole i js dont want to fall into

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im gonna be miserable if i dont get a job by this year

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ITS SO PEAK!!!!!

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gorgeous

molten pine
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its beautiful

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love bsl tho

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2 of my friends took my name out of their bios

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way to make me feel like ass

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i like reached out asking abt it because im not js gonna sit here

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my friend let me talk to her a bit so im totally gonna ask

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I cut off a whole server that i was pretty close with

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not dealing w their shit anymore

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have not been as active as i wish i was tbh

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i been trying to make stuff on roblox but

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i js keep scrapping it

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im losing my creativity mane

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I really wanna do it though

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bevause it's for a competition

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winner gets 2k worth of robux

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TIME TO NERD OUT

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WITH THIS

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I MADE MY FIRST MOVE

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✊

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i forgot to say this was gonna be a moveset inspired by deku

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because we're a lil limited on resources we kinda gotta get creative

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but it's inspired by his black whip

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hell yeah

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NEXT!!!

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progress slowing down a bit

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haha

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also not going into college today

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there was an amber alert apparently in a nearby town

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sooo

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i probably could have gone in today

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its not even that bad now

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amber alert my ass

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plink plink

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my ex viewed my instaghram stories

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im a changed man tho

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hit ignore

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and made it so she cant see them anymore

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i feel like im worrying and apologising too much

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but it's difficult to feel safe without my so very needed reassurance

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mood rn

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got struck by lightning yesterday

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on minecraft

spare sable
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miso more like A PILE OF ASH

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⚑ ⚑️⚑️⚑️πŸ”₯

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I have a super strong gut feeling today that doesnt want me to go into college

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because we got told we're actually going in now

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after believing for a whole 2 weeks we're not

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one of my ex friends got elden ring

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they think they better than me huh

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they think they're gonna

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FUCKIN BEAT ME IN ELDEN RING HUH

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THEY THINK THEYRE BETETR

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Timmy NO KNUCKLES

robust mountain
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#

ME

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is this a threat

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imcrine

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ts evil

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miraidempa sweat

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loek hate when people in the server try and say something suggestive and try to slide it off as they didn't mean it in a nsfw way

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I'm literally the same age I'm not stupid and I know what the shit you say means

spare sable
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uh

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very

solid kiln
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First time opening this im scared

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violently

spare sable
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Uh

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mood right now

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i LOVE minesweeper

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but i also HATE ITTT

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people jus pmo at this point

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friend told me to stfu over a roblox game

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made me realise it is not that deep

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elden ring not workig

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i njeed a super cool song lyric to put as my status

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done

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games hella gorgeous

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hate how easily one event can throw off my mood

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been going better anyway

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people are sacry sometimes

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misty gorge
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😭😭😭

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haha

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I will drop the video

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I WILL DROP THE VIDEO

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(It’s the one I made earlier today)

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Of me switching up hella fast

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get out of MY journal

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im feeling much resentment again

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i miss my friends who i played monster hunter and other shit with

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i miss it so so much

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cuz im finally able to play but they're gone

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it's js not the same cuz we played like so much

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and it all went away without a word being said

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YEAHHHHH

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genuinely how i been feeling all hour

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i wish it were so easy to be so happy all the time

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I LOVE JINGO JUNGLE

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guysd look what i made today

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i'm sick of doing nothing so

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i'm gonna do something

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i need like a schedule atp for my day

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so i'm not slouching so much

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esp the time that im playing games too

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it's at least like 8+ hrs a day so maybe down to 5 would be a good start

#

i'll spend the other time reading or studying

#

i looked at a proper guide on how to dice onions and i feel i've got a good idea of it now

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before i was more so js copying what i saw in the room

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next i need to start writing a cv

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like a proper one

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idiot missed her move

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guys even though he's like a mad misygonist i really like naoya

#

he's so sick

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i have things i need to get off my chest but i just can't here

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i've been in a cycle of overthink, worry, pursure, fail

#

i hope the cycle stops one day

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i don't want to worry anymore

#

if i can't be happy then please take away my desire to do so

#

sometimes i wonder if people look at me and think i'm cool and think being me would be cool

#

but it's so so far from it i promise

#

i can spend a whole day prior planning a conversation out and my words still not come out the way i want them to

#

you know much it FUCKING sucks to worry about and overthink so so many things

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how many things ive missed out on because i was afraid of messing up

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my leg wont stop shaking

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i fear this happens a lot

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why would you want to be me

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today mentally has been so bad for me

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i just feel so much guilt

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i do want to talk about it but i just

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feel it'll mkake me feel worse if i do

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i think im having like a mood swing rn tho

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my head just hurts and my eyes feel swole

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bad stuff happening

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scary stuff even

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i can feel myself shaking

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unfinniest shit i ever posted

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i hope someone stops reading my joruanl because of that

solid kiln
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Gotchu

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thanks

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goat that guy is

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blows my nose with a tissue from my elden ring themed tissue box

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most the compliments I remember getting are the ones I get about my poems

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maybe I should write more at some point

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it's better to in winter I think

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I should probably post them all and just pin them here but that feels a bit unfair

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because people can't pin in their journals

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anyone who wants anything pinned hit me up

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choso disytqctio

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disyraction

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distraction

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my phones been so empty ever since I started college like it's so empty

#

I can scroll for 10 seconds and find stuff from back in August

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instantly

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if rather not think about everything from last year tho

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still undoubtedly one of my worst years ever

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probably is best to try forget everything I guess

#

but anyways

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super necessary topic change

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I feel having hyperfictatios can be either the best or worst thing ever

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I just like

#

Cobra’s

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salad jumpscare

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oh no I saw some pictures I need to delete

#

whilst looking for that

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train ticket didn't scan and a voice started talking to me

#

it went ooo I am the spirit of your train ticket πŸ‘»πŸ‘»

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scan your ticket again please πŸ‘» πŸ‘»

#

and it worked

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day has been super boring but also super draining

#

ppl havent been talking to me at all today

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i hate when people make me feel like im begging

#

i hope the noises in my head will be enough to block out the voices that say horrible things to me

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i hate feeling like im begging

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to watch 2 minutes turn into 5

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to watch 5 minutes turn into 10

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to watch 10 minutes turn into 20

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i'm just scared to open up out of fear of losing the one thing i fought for years for

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i really just overreacted

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she's so perfect

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fucking hate when ppl cant read boundaries

#

i really wannna play this game but im just getting so angry over my friends on the game

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so i cant

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js panicking because i cant find something to distract myself

#

ill just join a diff game

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I am very truly the worst

#

πŸ˜“

#

I'm fucking up my relationship so badly

#

I'm gonna go back to my quote from before

#

why would you want to be me

#

I took like 2 months off school

#

and went to few lessons after I came back

#

why would you want to be me

#

I can't even study for long periods because I have a poor attention span

#

and I also failed most my exams

#

why would you want to be me

#

I'm scared of messing it up so badly

#

please don't go

#

I've fought so long to have you

#

so please

#

just give me another chance

#

put a needle through my chest if I mess up again

#

do whatever you want with me just please give me a good chance at keeping this

#

my heart can't handle losing anyone else now

flat sun
#

If it is OMG

#

That's literally so fucking amazing yet so heart wrenching

#

😭

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#

NO

#

i havent written a poem in a while.....

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It sounds sm like one

#

And most of it rhymes

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#

poem rotted πŸ’” πŸ’”

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#

I think people know by now 🫩

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