#uzarts figurative realm

1 messages · Page 5 of 1

digital bay
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I am a slave

digital bay
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Put a bullet in a head and find me dead

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Hate it all

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Hate it

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I wonder if I was a topic of discussion

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I pushed some of my friends away

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I don't care about the online ones anymore

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At all

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I couldn't care less about them

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I appreciate it

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Everything

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But I don't care about you all anymore

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It was good while it lasted

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Anyways

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I hate it all

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And I want to put a bullet in my mouth

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There's temporary happiness

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But my mood changes quick

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I have to study maths tonight

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At least the marks are coming up

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That's good

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It gives me something

digital bay
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Maths chowed and today is shit

digital bay
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I burnt my past here to forge a new future

digital bay
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I'm not looking forward to ramadaan

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Strange

digital bay
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I'm going to not like it

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Because now I feel like shit

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I'm a dwindling man of faith

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And I don't think 30 days of fasting will solve my issue

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Because I'm stubborn and comfortable

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Everyone gathers in the mosque

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The guys my age

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All ready to ditch taraweeh and go outside to smoke

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I might join

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But only to fit in

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I guess

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I'm going to feel like shit

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I'm a fucking loser

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How about i put a bullet in my head?

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Maybe I'll only be able to hang myself or cut my wrists but

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Maybe I should kill myself

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Due

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Die

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I'm going to waste ramadaan

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I'm going to hell

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I'm going to hell

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I'm going to hell

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I'm going to hell

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I'm going to burn

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I'm going to die and it will be my fault

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God forgets me because I have forgotten him

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Because it's my fault

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Because I was lazy

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I will die

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I must die

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I'm proud of my older cousins

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Passing with flying colour's

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Holy

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Going to study big

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My younger cousin has a spark in her. She can go places. She can be the family star

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Me

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I'm a waste man

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The oldly young fuck up

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I'm going to fuck up

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I'm dying alone

digital bay
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Hm

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He hugged me today

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We talked

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But I don't see him as brother anymore

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I'm tired of them both

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My friends

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Because I wasn't their friend

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I was the therapist

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I don't want to be the therapist anymore

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I want to quit

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I'm done

digital bay
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I want to fucking die

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Because I'm tired

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I hate this world

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I hate it all

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Friends

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Family

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Myself

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I'm going to hang myself from the tree outside of my house, near my parents room

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Or, I'll place a bag over my head, a rope around my neck that will connect to something heavy and drown

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I genuinely give up

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I don't want to get out of bed and try

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I'm going to hell

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Because I have forgotten God

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And I'll suffer

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My eternity will be suffering

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Because I am below shit

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I'm going to hell

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I'll suffer and be miserable

digital bay
digital bay
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He knows

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And I told him

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And it hurt him

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I wish I could care

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But

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I feel better when I talk to other people

digital bay
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Now I lie to myself

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I'm scared

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Concerned

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I did it and now I regret it

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Oh god

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Oh lord

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What have I done

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He cared

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He cared

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He was my brother and he cared

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What have I done

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Fuck

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Fuck

digital bay
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The bear

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Season two finale

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That fucking scene at the refrigerator with Carmen and Claire

digital bay
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Found out that Willie Colon died

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I don't care about you anymore Jason

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I don't care

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Neither do I care about you

digital bay
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Cut cut cut cut

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They all go away

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Burn bridges

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Distance yourself

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Just like you did with the others

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Vax, chops, E, Jed, those others whose names will become irrelevant soon

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J and A

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Then I will move on

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I will shed them like I shed skin

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For I care little for any of them

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They are merely voices beyond the freezer

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I will turn my backs on them

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Sure, they gave me good

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But they gave me stress

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I had to be an adult to them most times

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I'm 16

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I have a few years left

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I'm going to be a kid

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I don't know if it's right but

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I can do it

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I'm doing it

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One day

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It will be everyone

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Like Chris Mccandles

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Maybe I'll take a flight to America

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And live in the wilderness

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Before that however, I'll prepare.

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Unlike Mccandles I will prepare

digital bay
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I am sacrificing my integrity

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I smoke

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I get videos of me

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I laugh with them all

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But I feel the burden of sneaking around

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Coming back in time

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Dodging around uncles

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It was fun but

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I enjoyed the solitude of my nights alone

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Sure

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I read my eight and confined myself to the lone stool outside but

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I felt like I could do it without batting an eye

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I sat on my phone

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Or I sat in my head

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And I like sitting in my head

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I like to think

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I like to stay to my side and maintain that sense of integrity and dignity I have

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I like to read my witr and go out to gaze at the stars

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And imagine what it would be like to gaze with another

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Not sit and worry about what you did in that parking lot or when you'll get caught

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I saw I kid get caught by his father there

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I don't want that to happen to me again

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But the need to fit in seems to negate that

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Fit in

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Chill with the bras

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Hogwash

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I want to see the stars

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And not have to look over my shoulder because my eyes are fixed up

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But the sky saddens me because I've never seen a full night sky

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It's always the light of the city the dulls the lanterns of the sky

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It's only when you look up when you realize the stars that flash red

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When you make out the symbols

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When you look at a waxing moon

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Oh the moon

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The moon

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The merry moon

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I've compared women to you

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You shine

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You are a beacon in darkness and a brightest among the stars

digital bay
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I saw him

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It was not nice to see him

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Now I sit outside

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Leg shaking, heart pounding

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That's not nice

digital bay
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Still hung up on her

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Limerance will kill me

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0/10 feeling

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Fuck

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I just need her to know how I feel

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That's all

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Oh limerance, dear limerance

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You are bad for me

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You gnaw at my heart

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You bleed it slowly

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It bleeds because it is big

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Big and ripe

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Ripe and full

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Full and ready to love,

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Even when she is not the one

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You torment me on your whim

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You feel like a weight that drags me to melancholy

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You are cruel because you wear the mask of love and draw me with your yearn rope

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A rope which I choke on

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Oh Limerance, dear limerance why do you not leave?

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Why did you show me such a cruel face

digital bay
digital bay
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I got the knife right here

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I could rip through my stomach

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And bleed

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I wouldn't like the sounds

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The gurgling

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Sputtering cries

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The blood would be a lot

digital bay
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Lonely

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My therapist asked me if I was depressed

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I didn't know how to respond to that

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I instead rambled on about whether or not me being depressed would give me an excuse to weasel myself out of my duties

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Or to let that mask slip

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I'm ever tentative to now ask because I can feel that hideous sort of smile break out at the corners of my mouth

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It's all about labels

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What we call ourselves

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Labels

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How we define

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Characterize and live by

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And to call myself depressed I think I concede and allow myself to falter

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And be less than I already am

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I'm not okay

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Thought about self harming on Monday night

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I scrounged around for that fucking razor

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Didn't find it but when my mother asked about the noise I just said I was restless

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Which is a half truth

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Restless and ready to cut

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I'm very pissy

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I'm easy to anger

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I'm frustrated

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And there's no liss to live

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Theres no drive

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No motivation

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I'm done

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I don't want to be this

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I want to lock myself away until I'm okay

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Or go into the wild and dissappear

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Or maybe put a plastic bag over my head, tie a noose around my neck, attach that to something heavy and drown

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Blub blub blub

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Gone

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What the fuck am I saying

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I won't do it

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Same way I won't blow my brains out every 5.seconds

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It's one of my empty promises

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But one I make myself

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"if you fail matric, you're putting one between the eyes"

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"I've you fuck up, it's off with your brains"

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And then there's the lonliness

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The want

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The desire to sit in the lap of a women or feel her embrace and warmth

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I've hugged my mother plenty

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She's beared the brunt of my tears and the stress of my life

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I do not wish to exact that stress onto another

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Or make them juggle my emotions

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But I want that emotional connection that you see in those videos

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Or you read about

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I'm such a fucking loser

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Genuinely a fucking loser

digital bay
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You hold the pellet gun to your mouth and squeeze the empty trigger to nothing but that click

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You shift it around in your mouth

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Sometimes under your chin

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Sometimes the forehead when you can reach the trigger

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What if it was real?

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One click

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And boom

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I'm not here

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Maybe then they'll talk about me

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Maybe then I'll be popular

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I was the one who died

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The one who reserved himself to the corner of the room

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The one who greeted the teachers but never spoke

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The one who couldn't get a gf

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I don't wanna do this anymore

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Wish I had a girlfriend

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A companion

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I fucking hate it all

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I hate my friends

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I hate myself

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I want to die

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Hell is good for me because I am filth

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God

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I am filth beneath your heel

digital bay
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I'm weak and fat

digital bay
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smart

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smart

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smart

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smart is my name

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thats what it fuckings means does it not?

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is that not what you filled my head with for years?

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"Oh, you're such a smart kid."

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"Oh you're such an intelligent kid."

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fuck off

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I was never smart

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I'm just a parrot

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I'm a parrot of my work

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and whatever shit I get off my phone

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But I'm trying

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to god I'm fucking trying

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but there's always that fucking talk

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"apply yourself"

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"Study"

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"Stop being distracted"

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All this bullshit

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I'm tired

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I'm tired of it

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if they think that I'll flop school then fine

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I'll fucking do it

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because even when I try it doesn't seem that way to them

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what shit is that????

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For parents who are on my ass 24/7

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In one of the worst years for my mental health I'm getting the nest fucking marks

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but I don't understand the work

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and I don't unterstand half of the words

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all the big words

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genuflect

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superficial

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all that shit

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because I'm a fraud

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but i'm trying

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wallah

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im trying

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I just wanted to listen to that fucking video because I wanted background noise

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ffs

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Just leave me alone

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stop fucking coddling me

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stop rushing to my side for every sound and peep I make

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leave me alone

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everyone

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just leave

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me

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the

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fuck

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alone

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you pathetic whelp

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hit yourself

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because your knives have run dull

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and theres no razor

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hit yourself with the baton

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then move on

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I give up

proven acorn
digital bay
proven acorn
digital bay
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I think at some point I'm going to isolate

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give it a few months

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come back

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I've done

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and will do it again

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what surprised me is how easy it was

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maybe i wasn't there enough

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im tired

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exhausted even

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yes, I'm exhausted

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i'm angry

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next time i want to swear them both

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no more reason

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tell them to go fuck themselves

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tell them I regret meeting them

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i don't care

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just like I don't care about tomorrow

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I stopped studying

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because screw it all to hell

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I'll die a failure

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yeah dad

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I don't think I'll give lectures

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I'll just listen to them

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I felt pathetic tonight

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so i turned to my crutches

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I think I'll smoke off tonight next time I can smoke

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because I give up

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its curtains

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I'm not going to get up from this one coach

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pull me out

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maybe I could buy a rope

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I'll get a price and draw cash

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hide it in a duffle

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come home

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wait for my parents to leave, find a tree

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and die

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or tie the rope to something heavy

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put a plastic back over my head and plunge into the pool

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I'll try to tie the hands

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It would feel weird

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and maybe I'm too much of a coward to do it

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maybe I'm too selfless

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that don't sound right

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but maybe its true

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or maybe like Nanami I can find my Malaysia

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a forest that meets the fields

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and fields that meet the cliffs

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that meet the waves that thrash against its rocks

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then I'd go down to its beach

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white sanded with driftwood beached

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pebbles and small scuttling crabs

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it would be overcast

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and grey

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grey with a calming wind

proven acorn
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That actually sounds really nice

digital bay
digital bay
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What a time to live

digital bay
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I'm tired

digital bay
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I want to go to Malaysia

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Not the country

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But the idea

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Of my escapist reality

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Of the forests that turn to fields and fields that lead to the cliffs with the thrashing waves

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I want to walk down to the beach and feel it's spray on my face

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Dip my cloth and wipe the cool water on my nape before I go to the beach house

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It would be simple but it would be mine

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A place that houses the unfinished series of books and movies

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And more books for me to fall in love with for hours as my fingers glide along their pages

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The shower would be wood paneled

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The bedroom would show me the sunrise on a large round bed

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There would be music and good food

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I I'd talk to no one

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But myself

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And maybe the dog or cat that would frequent my dwelling

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When I'm ready I would return

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But Malaysia would always be my escape

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I think I always liked being alone

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It was my status quo as a young boy

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Mom and dad were away at work

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I'd busy myself with cartoons and Legos

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Sometimes I'd act like I was in the shows

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Or I'd play outside

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And imagine myself a knight or something

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Still do

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Because it's fun to grab a stick but wield a sword instead

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But i stuck to my mother a lot.

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Until now

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I guess now even she doesn't get a ticket to my Malaysia

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No one does

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I don't want to be closer because I feel close enough

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I just need space

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That yearn for Malaysia will eat at me

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It's like the yearning for her

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But in Malaysia I'll find peace

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If I could I'd log out from the character of ||Insert my name||

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Hang up my coat and saunter down the beach

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I'd be free

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Because it would be me and me alone

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I remember when I had friends over on the odd occasions or in the rarest of circumstances, had one of them sleep over

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There would be a period where I'd begin to loathe them

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There would be this feeling of

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"You've overstayed your welcome, get the fuck out, this is my house"

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It was weird

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I've barely slept over at friends

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Parents never really allowed it

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I'd always dance around the question when they'd ask

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I don't want to wake up and go to school tomorrow

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I don't want to sit with people

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I don't want to do anything but walk in My Malaysia

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I don't want to walk in the beaches or savannahs of Africa

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They are unique

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Yes

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But I've taken a liking for the nature of America and Europe

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Maybe it's all the media I've consumed

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Maybe there would be a forest or jungle in my Malaysia

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Yes

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The forests' edges would wrap around the fields and teater on the beaches

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If you walk past the driftwood and the rocks you'd find some forest there

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But the skies would still be Grey on some days

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But the sunsets would be beautiful

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My Malaysia

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A fantasy

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An escape

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A place I never want to leave until I want to

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But a place I could never go

digital bay
digital bay
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What is this?

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I've been forgotten at that mosque

digital bay
digital bay
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Yup

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I'm not gonna hang out with people

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At school

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I'm going to lock myself away

digital bay
#

People are overrated

digital bay
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I hate everything

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I want Malaysia

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I don't fit in with that group by the stairs anymore

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I just sit there like a waste of space

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There's a girl who sits in her own group next to theirs

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She's pretty but I can't speak to her

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I only speak to her when she speaks to me

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Everytime I attempt a hello I'm stopped by non other than myself

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Today I gave up and went to spend the rest of my break in the sports bathroom

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I don't want to spend time with my peers

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I tried

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Maybe not hard enough

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But I did

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And I don't like it

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Friends are fickle

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And they get on your nerves

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The only friend I feel like I truly have is in another school

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I don't want to do this anymore

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I want to go to My Malaysia

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I was thinking about going back to J

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But then I remembered why I left

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The problems

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The gossip

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He's foul breath

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Yeah

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No

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Neither am I going back go A

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She's her own can of unholy worms

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Yet I still see her wherever I go

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I don't want to

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Stop looking at me

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Fuck off

digital bay
#

I fucking hate living the way I am

digital bay
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The fruit takes two routes when it matures

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It sweetens

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Or it sours

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I have begun to sour

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There was a kid tonight

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Little fat kid playing with his friend

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They spilled water and some got on me

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Fat one bolted while the other sat there

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I swore them both

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Called them little shits

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Made them apologize

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But I swore them good

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Should this continue I will begin a cycle that will be detrimental to myself

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But I've sinned again

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And it feels so bad afterwards

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I have my afflictions

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I'm isolating

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Why am I isolating

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To drag that knife across your throat is interesting

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One deep slash and I'll be sputtering and slurring as the blood seeps down my neck

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Coupled with the gurgling and choked sobs

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My parents would rush to the my bedroom

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Father cradling me in his arms as my mother goes up in hysteria

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I could end it

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Right here

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I made myself filthy

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I've fucked it all up

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I feel disgusting

digital bay
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I had a bad dream

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Not a nightmare

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But a bad dream

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Somehow a group of people saw a picture of me shirtless

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And I was mocked for being fat

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And I remember swearing them all

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A lot

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Also smoked a lot of cigarettes

digital bay
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Unless I don't have friends

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I've begun to dislike taraweeh

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Which is ironic since I barely have any and don't try to make any

digital bay
#

I'm giving up on the fucking book

digital bay
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What if I just don't have kids?

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Or a wife

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And die alone

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Let my other cousins carry the bloodline

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I'll do my own thing

digital bay
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I'm dying alone

digital bay
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I've been ruined by my afflictions

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I've been ruined

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Everything

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Gone to shit

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Because of it

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I blame it all on it

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Lust

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Fuck you

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You've ruined my life

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You've ruined my connection with God

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I hate you

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If you were a person I'd kill you

digital bay
#

I had a full day in my Malaysia

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I imagined the house

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The animals

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I put on the kettle

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I read a book while sipping on tea as the waves crashed

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Then I strolled along the beach and did a cartwheel

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I had lunch which was a steak

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Then watched a movie and played games

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Then I took out the fishing rod and cask it into the sea as the evening came rolling in

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I remember Journaling in the afternoon as well

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Then I caught nothing and lit a bonfire on the beach while I watched the stars

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While playing music

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All in my head

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All alone

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With no friends

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No family

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Just me and my solitude

digital bay
#

The thought of being friends with them again doesn't sound nice to me

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It will hurt them

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But I don't care

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That sounds heartless

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But I'm feeling betterish

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But now I'm feeling sick

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And eid is in a few days

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I'll be sick by tomorrow

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But I just gotta not be sick by the time school camp comes around

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Actually looking forward to it

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I'm getting better

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Still not 100%

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But it's better than where I go

digital bay
#

Yup

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Off of school today

digital bay
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Better days are coming

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Though there may be anger

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And sadness

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There will be better days

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My fever broke

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And I feel somewhat better

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Maybe it was a sort of shedding

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A metamorphosis

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Like Zukos from ATLA

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Maybe it was all just one big fever that needed to be shed

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There's still healing to do

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So I will heal

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That's my only priority

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Heal

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Pass school

digital bay
digital bay
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Relapsed twice

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Bastard

digital bay
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It all feels so stiff and superficial

digital bay
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That shit faced bastard who raped me talks too much

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Good fucking God

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Still has that ugly grin on his face and his long, swept, jet black hair

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"Oh you don't talk to me anymore"

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"We should go out some time"

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"You look tired"

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Oh go fuck yourself

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Bastards, the lot of them

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Snakes and bastards

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I looked away and muttered as many curses as I could

digital bay
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Made contact with him

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I don't think I'll hang around with him got camp

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Ugh

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To force myself to make peace

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I don't want to

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Again

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Superficial

digital bay
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He's decent

digital bay
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Not a bad camp

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I was there

digital bay
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Ain't bee. Here in a minute

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I feel better without this place.

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My time with j was good

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Noisy bugger to sleep with

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But it was good

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I'm feeling better now

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Parents are forever stressing

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I'm okay

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I felt better when I cut people out

digital bay
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Oh to yearn for nature

digital bay
#

Another bird died in my hands

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I wanted it to at least make it to the place where I could bury it

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It's one leg was fucked

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The ants where already swarming it

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Poor thing

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Dead thing

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I was walking back and closing my eyes

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I imagined my Malaysia

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My toes sinking in its soft and clear sands

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The calm waves thrashing the sands

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The salty taste of the air

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I'd be free and alone

digital bay
#

Life rn

a4c15cf95e5b65eef516f347b160572b.jpg
digital bay
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4 days

digital bay
#

5 days

digital bay
#

That was really sweet what he did

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Was willing to stay up all night just to get her gear back in that Minecraft world but went to bed because he knew she'd be mad if he didn't sleep

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That's sweet

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I want that

digital bay
#

7 days

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9 and a half hours

digital bay
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Woke up early to see the sunrise

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I'm 10 days clean

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Talking to a girl

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Thank you lord

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I even heard the mourning doves

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Making their calls

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Like it did all those years ago

#

I feel honored to be surrounded by these mountains

#

And I'm grateful to my father for taking me

#

It felt deserved

#

I worked hard in school

#

And I pushed through it all

#

There's work to be done

#

School

#

Gym

#

And other things I should probably face like my spirituality

#

But we're getting there

#

One step at a time

digital bay
#

I haven't written in a while...

#

Imma change that soon

digital bay
#

So happy I could cry

#

Woaaaaaaaaah

#

I feel so euphoric rn

#

Awesome holiday

#

The rivers, the streams, the mountains

#

Woooooooo

#

I'm a happy man

#

Plus I'm talking to a girl

#

Thank you God

#

Woo

#

Thank you

#

I'm genuinely going to lock in

#

Imma earn myself the best June holidays

#

Because it will be won

#

Because I am a champion

digital bay
#

Maybe tomorrow I'll wake up in the fucking mountains

proven acorn
#

Sunshine lollipops and rainbows?

digital bay
digital bay
#

12 days

#

No faltering now

digital bay
#

13 days

digital bay
#

14 days

digital bay
digital bay
#

Day 15

digital bay
#

School is chowing

#

But we move

#

I feel more confident in public

digital bay
#

Tempting

digital bay
#

Day 16

digital bay
#

Shit

#

Withdrawal

#

It's okay

#

We'll get through this

#

The bells of the Gion monastery in India echo with the warning that all things are impermanent

#

With hardship comes ease

#

With hardship comes ease

#

With hardship comes ease

#

You know why you're doing this

#

Should it go well

#

You have a damn good reason to push on

#

Even if it doesn't

#

The we'll push for ourselves

#

Yes

#

We will

#

We'll do it

#

We'll do it and get to the other side

#

90 days

#

That's all I need

#

I'm almost a sixth of the way there

#

No, over a sixth of the way there

digital bay
#

Not the best of days

#

But this is what will happen

#

I yearn for nature

#

And my Malaysia

#

I feel like social interaction kind of sucks

#

Man, I miss the mountains, streams and rivers

#

I loathe the city

digital bay
#

Shit...

#

Not the best rn

#

We need to get up

#

And push

#

And push

#

But right now

#

I feel city sick

#

I felt better away from the city

#

Shit

#

Shit

#

Shit

#

Make it past 17 days

digital bay
#

Welp

digital bay
#

We break and build

digital bay
#

School fucking sucks

#

I feel like I'm falling back into the sludgy mess of stress, misery and eyes

digital bay
#

Ohhhhh shit

#

Nonononononono

#

It was a good day but

#

What the fuck me

#

I feel filthy rn

#

Fuck

digital bay
#

Fuuuuuuuck

digital bay
#

I hate them

#

For introducing me to it

digital bay
#

It's going down again

#

I tallied

#

On my arm this time

#

It stings

#

Good fucking God

#

Uhhhhhh

#

I don't want to spiral again

#

Please

#

I had peace

#

I had peace

#

Why am I ruining it

#

I feel like a fiend and a junkie

outer torrent
digital bay
#

But

#

My head feels like a haze

digital bay
#

It's good

#

But that thing

#

Is sucking the life out of me

#

I went skateboarding with friends today

#

But now I feel like a junkie

digital bay
#

Shhhhhhhhhit

#

I couldn't find that fucking razor

#

I feel very angry that you tried to level with me on it

#

"it's natural" you tell me

#

As I open tab after fucking tab

#

Fuck you

#

Where is that fucking razor

#

Where the fuck is it

outer torrent
digital bay
#

I can't find it

#

Why can't I find it

#

Those other knives are too fucking dull

outer torrent
digital bay
#

The arms are new

#

Hm

#

Anyways

#

We spiraling again

#

Woooo

#

Why tho

#

Why did I do that

#

Why did I damage myself

#

It's this city

#

Fuck this city

#

Take me to the lands where the grass is green and the cows pasture

#

Where the mountains stand tall and shade me rather than these dull spires of beam and concrete

digital bay
#

Just crashed out

digital bay
#

Everything was good in Malaysia

digital bay
#

I feel lonely

#

I really want to be in love

#

I think sometimes in when I sit in the beaches of my Malaysia and I gaze up at the cliffs there's a white clad woman in the distance who is due to reveal herself

#

Maybe then I could share it

#

But for now

#

It's mine

#

And I remain

#

In solitude

#

My new friends are good to me but they have their problems

#

The old are still around and remain good

#

But

#

Malaysia calls

#

Especially when the stress sets in

#

It's exams

#

In a month

#

I also stopped talking to her

#

My friend told me she was just seeking male attention from me

#

But I feel like a desperate dog who'd latch on

#

They say that I caught feelings even though there was little to nothing

#

But I can't stop myself from feeling

#

Every text made me feel a jolt

#

I don't know what lies for me next in this seemingly hopeless chase of love

#

Maybe I could go for someone in the group I'm in but I have neither the balls nor desire to

#

They are the group that partakes in that fickle love

#

The "situationship" or "talking stage" type

#

I don't want that

#

I want that wholesome, true love

#

Something that they speak about in those old songs or you see in a movie

#

But to love someone you must love yourself first

#

And the love myself dwindles

#

I am unhappy

#

With myself

#

My afflictions and appearance make me feel undesirable to myself and others

#

I often wonder why people choose me as a friend

#

I hate the weight

#

I hate the lonliness

#

But in that I stay in this state of complaining again and again

#

Without doing anything

#

Inaction

#

I count the days of each semester to my impending release

#

I count the semesters as one step closer to freedom

#

I want to be free

#

Of it all one day

#

The city is my sickness and school has been unpleasant to me

#

In an environment of learning I barely learn

#

What I do learn is to be conscious around people

#

Always tucking in my jersey around people so that my hanging paunch doesn't protrude out

#

I've probably picked up weight

#

The fasting is doing little to nothing

#

And I haven't frequented the gym enough

#

It feels like all the shit of life comes back in the city

#

The people are shit

#

My family is shit

#

Now they are all roused at my lack of attendance at family events because of the bastard

#

I don't want to be around him anymore

#

Or any of them

#

Soon my parents will confront them

#

I want to be there

#

To yell, bitch, moan, scream, ball my fists and scream curses at them

#

Warn that should they side with them that this time

#

This fucking time I won't be afraid to never speak to them ever again

#

Because that's what you said didn't you?

#

That's how you coaxed me into letting myself get ass raped by you right?

#

"I'll never speak to you again"

#

It was that simple

#

And I let you do that to me

#

I let you take advantage

#

But by God I wish you nothing but the worst in life

#

I wish that you die either by my hand or another's

#

I wish that you suffer

#

That everything falls to shit

#

All the anger is back

#

The frustration

#

Because you were one of the causes of this

#

Fuck you

#

You milk-sopped, shit spawn

#

You bastard

#

You fucking bastard

#

You small shaggy midget

#

With your ugly hair

#

And false grin

#

I hate you

#

And your whore of a mother

#

And your foul fucking troll of a father

#

Fuck your entire line

#

Fuck your vegetable of a grandfather

#

And your grandmother

#

Fuck all the aunts and uncle who sit in corners and make stories

#

Fuck all of you

#

You are a waste of oxygen

#

And I implore you

#

I fucking invite you to take that bastards side should the time come

#

I swear to everything I will cut each and every one of you off

#

Should it come to it I will renounce my own fucking surname

#

So that I do not ever associate with you lot ever again

digital bay
#

I'm wasting time

#

Again

digital bay
#

I fucked it up with her

#

I was talking to a girl

digital bay
#

God has punished me for my sin

#

For my sin of lust he has forbid me from love

#

For when I reject the flesh the petals will soothe my soul

#

But how dear mighty God

#

Do I win this battle when I cannot stand

digital bay
#

I'm thinking about it

#

The shouting

#

The anger

#

There's going to be a confrontation

#

And I want to be there

#

To scream and shout

#

Man

#

I want to be in love right now

digital bay
digital bay
#

Social media depresses me

#

The idealized versions of my peers make me feel small and insignificant

#

I refuse to post photos of myself due to the immense distain for myself

#

Why do I hate?

#

Why am I not content?

digital bay
#

Tally and tally again

#

Because I am spiraling

#

The man of inaction spirals

#

And for that it is a tally to the leg

#

The sweet sting of the steel on skin

#

Sickens me

#

Another secret I must keep

#

You fat pig

#

Fat fucking pig

#

Back go flushing down bloody tissues

#

Lovely

digital bay
#

EUUUUUUUUUUUUUPHORIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

digital bay
#

I learnt of her today

#

january

#

the walker

#

She is hurt

#

badly

#

and I feel bad for the way I reacted

#

I should have trusted my gut instead of turning to anger

#

to harden myself

#

If you see this, I'm sorry and for the sake of God

#

don't let go

#

I always say that people have it worse than me