Uhh been thinking of leaning my thoughts here | Huddle | Page 1

fallen charm Dec 25, 2024, 10:53 PM

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Tw

fallen charm Dec 26, 2024, 8:56 PM

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Today was good but shit at the same time. I had a busy day i missed my girlfriend so much. I had to cut off with my school friends for her today I love her so much i wish she doesnt leave me

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My ||scars|| might leave a mark

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I've been crying for hours

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I want them to

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But what if someone sees

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I'm scared

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That was for today

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26.12.2024 10:58 pm

fallen charm Dec 27, 2024, 12:17 AM

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It's 2 am my father yelled at me again

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I feel drained

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I want all this to end

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My stomach hurts

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I havent eat in so long

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I want to stop hurting others when i hurt myself

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I wish i never made that promise

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I could've been dead if i didnt make it

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I wish i didnt feel this pain

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27.12.2024 02:20 am

fallen charm Dec 27, 2024, 10:09 AM

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Is she

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Cheating on me

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Im scared

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I want to distance myself

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My heart is breaking

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I loved her

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I promised i'll stop ||cutting||

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Why cant i stop

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I just wish i could just be left by all my friends so i can ||suicide|| without guilt

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My dad hates me

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My grandmother does too

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Why cant my mom just come pick me up sometimes and take me with her

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I cant struggle anymore

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27.12.2024 12:11 pm

fallen charm Dec 27, 2024, 9:50 PM

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Today after music I saw how much they cared

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They ignored me completly like I was some idiot

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I miss when everyday you would hug me when I came to school

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Now you ignore me even if i yell out loud

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From all the people i trusted you

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I feel like getting stabbed by the whole situation

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I can't bring myself to leave her

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I feel like a dog waiting for her to pay attention to me

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Even of she is cheating on me

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I cant bring myself to hate her

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I need advices

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My tights are ruined

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Full of ||cuts||

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Fresh, deep, healed, still bleeding, burning

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All types

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Oh god please end my suffering and take me to you

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I want to end it

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I can't wait to be left by anyone

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I can't wait to be 5 feet underground

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27.12.2024 11:55 pm

fallen charm Dec 28, 2024, 12:18 PM

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So she is really opened about her relation with her other bf

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How do i tell her i dont want to be with her without hurting her feeling

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She's dating someone else

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I'm drained

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Oh why did i love her sm

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I cant leave her now

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28.12.2024 2:19 pm

fallen charm Dec 28, 2024, 2:58 PM

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We night break up

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My heart feels weird

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I feel my whole body weak

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I never felt this feeling

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I feel sick

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I dont want to be stuck to the bed again

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I dont want to be away from school so I dont get worse

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I dont wabt anything happening again

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I want to be happy

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28.12.2024 5:00 pm

fallen charm Dec 28, 2024, 11:34 PM

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We broke uo

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I dont know how to feel

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My heart hurts

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My head is paining

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My whole body is barely holding togheter

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I feel my legs giving out

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I want to get drugged so I can cope with this pain

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God

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Please

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I loved her

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Why did you let this end

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29.12.2024 1:35 am

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Well that made me feel better

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Thanks whoever is hearting my messages

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I messed up

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I missed up bad

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Oh

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What if he blocks me

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No no i messed up so fucking bad

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I should have shutted the fuck up

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I'm so sorry

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What if he stops being my frjend

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I already lost one

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How will I lose the best person i've met

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I cant imagine

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My head is buzzing arround

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My heart is clenching

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I'm so sorry

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Fuck myself

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How did I even manage to be so dumb

fallen charm Dec 29, 2024, 2:05 AM

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No no no no

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Those scars werent suppose to be that deep

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Their too low on my tights

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What do i do

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Im scared

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My mind is railing

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Im scared

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I cant do it anymore

fallen charm Dec 29, 2024, 9:53 AM

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I want to end it today

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I want to tell everyone i love them

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To say goodbye

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Than take all the pain out of my body

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I dont know what to do anymore

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I'm tired of living

fallen charm Dec 30, 2024, 2:31 PM

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Mate it hurts

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Should it hurt so much

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My body is dying

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"Youre weird why should you have a normal night"

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Bro

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I have feelings too but fuck my feelings right?

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Only if all this pain could kill me

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My head hurts

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I cant even walk properly anymore

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But yeah

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"Youre so lazy"

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Ngl im tired

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Im too tired to fight anymore

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30.12.2024 16:34

fallen charm Dec 30, 2024, 5:11 PM

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So now you care

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Like hell you never did

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Now you decide to change

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For a fraction of second

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I want you to be kind

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Always

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But yeah

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Acting greedy doesnt change much

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Gotta stay thankful

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I feel like a fucking clown

fallen charm Dec 30, 2024, 7:14 PM

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Nvm

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Back to the "just please stfu"

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"Nobody likes them bc of you"

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I felt good ffsk

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Nvm

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Fuck you all

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I wish i never skipped cutting

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It would have been easier to deal with this

fallen charm Dec 31, 2024, 6:45 AM

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My heart is pounding

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I wish i could stop feeling this pain

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My hands hurt

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My head hurts

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My stomach is empty

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When is it all gonna stop

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I just want to be a normal teenager

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To be confident like the others in my class

fallen charm Dec 31, 2024, 11:28 AM

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Oh god shut up

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Please

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Stop talking to me

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Your text feel like pinches to the heart

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Youre making it worse

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Youre nothing but someone i wish i never met

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Please

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Oh god

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Stop talking to me

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I cant stop crying when i fucking see you

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I wish I never met you

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I wish you were dead

fallen charm Dec 31, 2024, 12:21 PM

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Why did they came

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I thought it was gonna be peaceful

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My head hurts

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My hips are burning

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I cant do anythijg but cry for godness sake

fallen charm Dec 31, 2024, 5:57 PM

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Fuck you so goddamn bad

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My heart

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Im mentally breaking right now

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You dont understand how much I want to just ||cut|| myself right now

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I promised ill get bettwr

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I want to hang

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To be dead

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To never live like this anymore

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I did not want arguements on new year

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All i wanted was feeling good

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To be happy

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Atleast today

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But you ruined it.

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So bad

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So fucking bad

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Why

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What did i do to deserve this

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I really need to talk out but how do i even ask

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They all are mad at me now

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Fuck my whole life

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I wish i was never born

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If i argue back im the bad guy always

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Bro it hurts

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Leave my heart alone

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Its too scared

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Hes mad at me

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..

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I fucked up

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Why the fuck did i put my meantal health first

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I could've cutted it out in my wrists

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I made him angry

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Good job

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Im fucking nothing but useless

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I cant do it anymore

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Ill write notes and attempt tonight

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I cant do it anymore

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My heart hurts too much

fallen charm Dec 31, 2024, 7:33 PM

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Im too scared

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All i can do is cry

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Im on prople's nerves

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My head is spinning

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I need rest

fallen charm Jan 2, 2025, 9:06 AM

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Idk how to feel anymore

fallen charm Jan 4, 2025, 4:45 PM

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My heart is breaking in pieces

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I cant do anything fucking right

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I'm sorry

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But why

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Why the fuck you ignoring my feelings

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The seen is making me want to throw up

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Being left on deliver hurts af

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I cant do anything but think of you

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I miss when i had nobody to talk to for days

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I knew i wouldnt hurt anybody because there was nobody to hurt

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I promised him that ill stop

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I didnt put my hand on a blade since new year

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But now

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All i wanna do is cut

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On tights

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Arms

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Until i cut a vein and die

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I cant deal with this

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Its too much pain

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I want to be a normal teen

fallen charm Jan 4, 2025, 5:45 PM

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Oh.

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Man

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Well that hurted

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Why them and not me

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I could love you 10 times way better

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Well

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I dont know anymore

fallen charm Jan 5, 2025, 4:46 PM

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I cant do this anymore

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Again with the "nobody likes then bc of you"

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..

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Bro

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In what world do you think that doesnt hurt

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And when i say you pull out a "man up" or "get over it"

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I dont know why im still part of that gc ngl

fallen charm Jan 6, 2025, 11:58 AM

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No

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Why

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My world is falling appart

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My heart is ripping in pieces

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I dont want to live like this

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I just want to end it

fallen charm Jan 7, 2025, 1:53 PM

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I dont even know what i did

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But it was my fault

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I dont wanna kms

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I just wanna fix my health

fallen charm Jan 10, 2025, 12:53 AM

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My whole body is just

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Disgusting

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In every way

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I feel like im about to puke when i look in the mirror

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Im not that smilly person anymore

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I wish everything was better

fallen charm Jan 11, 2025, 8:07 PM

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My first deep scar?

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I dont know how to feel

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She being mad about it just pains my heart

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I dont know what else to do than cut at this point

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I need to open up

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But how

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How will i do it without being a burden?

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I would just bother them once i open up

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And what if they leave after that

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I want to have never open up

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To get worse and worse everyday

fallen charm Jan 14, 2025, 7:22 PM

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Why do i keep keep doing this

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I keep pushing everyone away

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And im dying

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I just want to be happy for sake

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Please

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Let me be happy

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I had to ruin everything

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Like everytime

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It's my fault.

fallen charm Jan 15, 2025, 7:46 AM

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I cant keep doing this

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I dont want to live another day

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It hurts way too much

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I barely can stand up

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Swallowing is hard

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Living is pain

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A pain that i cant bear more time

fallen charm Jan 15, 2025, 5:24 PM

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I cant help but be distant

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I want to tell them i just dont feel safe around them anymore

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I want to be alone

fallen charm Jan 24, 2025, 9:43 PM

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It been a while

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I feel diffrent

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I learned how to cut deep

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Its been helping me cope

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I dont think ill ever be the same

fallen charm Jan 26, 2025, 1:26 PM

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I feel left out in that chat

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Everytime they say something it goes in my heart

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Even if they didnt mean it

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It feels like pure torture to live

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I wish i could be alone those days

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But i just cant help it

fallen charm Jan 27, 2025, 9:08 PM

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What the fuck is wrong with me

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The scars just faded

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Why did they put so much preasure on me

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What the fuck

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Is wrong with me

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My heart is aching

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They bleed again now

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Im so fucked up

fallen charm Feb 1, 2025, 7:06 PM

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Im not getting better

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Just worse and worse

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My whole body hurts

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Im 4 days clean tho

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Well atleast that

fallen charm Feb 1, 2025, 9:32 PM

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I feel replaced

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My god

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Why

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I found the right people

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Than someone else comes

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And i just dissapear

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I dont want to feel anymore

fallen charm Feb 1, 2025, 9:32 PM

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fallen charm Im 4 days clean tho

I ruined it

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Why

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I found the people

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And i ruined it

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Please

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Let me die

fallen charm Feb 4, 2025, 11:03 PM

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I feel so weird

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I feel like im gonna die tommorow

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But why

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I feel like this pain is gonna end my days

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And it pushes worse and worse on me

fallen charm Feb 5, 2025, 7:55 PM

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Why

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Why the fuck am i so stupid

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Why did i fall for it again

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I thought im better

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Why the fuck its worse than before

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Why

fallen charm Feb 7, 2025, 6:20 PM

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Maybe if i start to be mean and ignore them, they wont miss me at me when im gone

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But why am i like this

fallen charm Feb 9, 2025, 2:43 PM

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What the fuck is wrong with me

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I dont want anything but be dead rn

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Why tf am i alive for

fallen charm Feb 11, 2025, 8:45 AM

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Well 10 days clean ruined

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I need to give all my attention to my best friend now

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Hes not doing okay

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Fuck all my other friends

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Hes the most important out of all of them

fallen charm Feb 13, 2025, 7:18 AM

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What do i live for anyways

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Im so dumb

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Stupid

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Nothing good for

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I dont know why im alive.

fallen charm Feb 17, 2025, 7:39 PM

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7 days clean

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Maybe im getting better

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Hopefully

fallen charm Feb 18, 2025, 9:18 AM

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My stomach hurts bad

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I may be clean from scars but those pills are driving me insanw

fallen charm Feb 20, 2025, 9:40 PM

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10 days clean now

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Well

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I wanna end those 10 days but i cant

fallen charm Feb 21, 2025, 10:20 PM

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Fuck my life

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What even is wrong with me

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At this point what the fuck is wrong with me

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I see everyone being so

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Happy

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Why cant i be like them

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I have friends

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So why cant i be like then

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Hapy

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I just want to be alone at this point

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I cant handle the thought of having friends

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Them being so

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Perfect

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And i am here

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No where near thay

fallen charm Feb 22, 2025, 12:47 PM

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I

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Am i that ugly?

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Why did he reply like that

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I didnt meant to

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Make it like that

fallen charm Feb 22, 2025, 5:58 PM

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Small win untangled and braided my hair

fallen charm Feb 23, 2025, 10:19 PM

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Im doing everything i can to help them and lose my mental health doing so and all i get is them leaving the gc and the other mad at me

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I should be asleep

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I shouldnt be stressing out

fallen charm Feb 24, 2025, 11:42 PM

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Im trying all i can

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Why cant i bave a normal life?

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I dont wanna feel this way

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13 days clean down the drain

fallen charm Feb 28, 2025, 6:22 PM

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4 days clean

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Well

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Thats good and bad

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I had the worst day ever

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I wanna sh

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But I cant

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The guilt eats me alive

fallen charm Mar 2, 2025, 1:13 PM

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Why did they make fun of my voice

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I couldnt talk since

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My voice makes me want to throw up now

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How will I ever talk again without disgust

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Why are people so harsh on me

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They gave me a new insecurity

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I used to love my voice but now

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I cant think of something worse

fallen charm Mar 5, 2025, 8:33 AM

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Im so tired

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I barely can comunicate anymore

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I wish i could just dissapear

fallen charm Mar 27, 2025, 7:04 PM

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Well it been some time

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Life took a big turn

fallen charm Jun 4, 2025, 3:29 PM

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Againa big time since i wrote here

fallen charm Jul 9, 2025, 6:06 PM

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I am so close to 100 days clean

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I dont feel like i can do it

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Today was so shit

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My dad yelling was my breaking pojnt

fallen charm Oct 5, 2025, 9:50 PM

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Months since i didnt write here

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I got to 6 months

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Tonight is so shitty i think ima end the streak

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Im just so tired of my class

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I dont wanna go to school tmrw

fallen charm Oct 18, 2025, 10:12 AM

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In 20 minutes ill get to 200 days clean

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I think this journal is the first person i thought i should tell

fallen charm Nov 20, 2025, 8:28 PM

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BIG TW

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||I wanna cut myself so bad i feel my voice stuck in my throat, my body is numb and i need the feeling of pain in my thighs||

fallen charm Jan 2, 2026, 11:24 PM

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I reached 9 months and a day clean

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With ecery little step

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Today is januady 3rd 1:24 am

#Uhh been thinking of leaning my thoughts here