#Thoughts of Kypho

241 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

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Might put my first random thought after walking the dog

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Kyphothought #1:

In my final term of high school now

These 3 years flew by if I'll be honest, with a lot happening, and me changing (in good and bad ways)

Idk if i met someone who I could call a friend, and thats what i was excited about, new environment and new people yknow

Dont wanna start off this first Kyphothought™ too negatively tho, so ill just hope life brightens up during the summer and onwards salute

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I think I've hidden my more negative feelings from others/myself for too long that its just become natural

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Cant even find them

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Not easily anyway

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oh my someone stumbled upon my Kyphothoughts™
(ngl i kinda forgot people could see this lol)

appreciate the supportive reactions

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Anyway i should follow this meme and go to sleep before a Late Night Kyphothought™ comes up

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[End day 1]

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Kyphothought #2:

I had taken a break from discord recently, and in that time someone I know apparently blocked people and deleted the server the two of us had made together, all out of the blue too

Hope she'll accept my friend request since its kinda early rn for the both us

Just hope she's alright

Part of me just wishes i had come to my senses sooner to be there when it happened

But i guess i shouldnt cry over spilled milk

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dog on her period (yeowch!)

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: (

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The Disappearance of Hihuhahi

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seems we were similar in more ways than one

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i get too negative

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but where or who will i go to with these thoughts

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enough for today

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[End day 2]

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Kyphothought #3:

Exam today, others always waffle on about being nervous and stuff the day before/a few hours before

They kinda need a chill pill lol (cuz this always happens)

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I believe if you try to tell yourself that you're nervous, it only makes it worse

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Convince your brain you aint

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Speaking of which, ill probably just stop talking about my problems
(Which in my case might not be healthy but I'll just try it out i guess)

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I must reach 1 million one day

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Life depends on it

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Used to have a tetris phase where I'd watch Tetris tournaments and stuff

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i should prob drink more water (yeowch!)

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(proceeds to not drink water)

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needed that tetris

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now ill drink (water)

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i usually tetris when i think about things

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had this other game on the xbox id play when thinking about things

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why do people always think im 21 years old

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always that specific age lol

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i am now slightly irked

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remembered my ex exists

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she did a good job tricking me into thinking she cared about me the way i cared about her :D

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hope she aint going around doing the same thing with others

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wouldnt be surprised though

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selfishness seeps through some people

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[End day 3]

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Kyphothought #4:

Think ill just lie on some moss i found and look up at the sky all day

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Prob wont write anything else today

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Someone did Dm me

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But it was just another art stealer lol

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Their only proof of not being a scammer is showing that someone paid them??

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Which just shows they successfully scammed someone

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Sigh

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Actually i might write something

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It'll only be me, the moss, and my thoughts

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No one i know cares

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The cold never bothered me anyways (that's a lie my feet and hands were very cold even while wearing gloves)

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Spent a solid hour lying on the moss i found

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But then i had to run around because it became chilly

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._.

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its a comedy

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I have lived the same week for 2 years

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Ending it early

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[end day 4]

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call me playground the way my mind be swinging

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left the server because i was feeling like i venting too much

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being like "boohoo look at me"

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dont know if that was the case

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but i do need some place to just write down some thoughts

feeling less negative now tho

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also been wanting to lend some people in here a hand

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but havent been confident enough in what i can say

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also someone sent me friend requests but i still cant tell if its on accident or not because they removed the requests

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Kyphothought #5: If not my for my dog I'd probably not go outside as much

Big up my dog🫡

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Someone who suddenly disappeared added me back recently

I dont think i presented myself in a way where they can be open with me

Because they says they're fine but i can tell something's off

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Made the same mistake when i was younger

Always the jokester, since that was what got me approval, but i sacrificed closeness with others

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But when i sense somethings wrong, and notice people dont take initiative to help, shouldnt i be the one to lend a hand?

Methinks so

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But i dont know if my insecurities regarding my ability to help is just general insecurity, or something deeper

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But some people just need someone to talk to

I gotta openly express that i can be there

I wont judge

Seen too many people judge

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I used to roam the streets at night

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just me and my dog

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wandering for hours at a time some nights

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No one else would be awake at that time

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atleast not out walking like me

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almost felt like i was the only person alive

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but it was still peaceful

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it felt less lonely somehow

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all i could take in was the surroundings

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i wish i could find people to feel like that with

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I guess a sense of belonging truly is a basic human need

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at least ive managed to get myself back to drawing now

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or trying to

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omg

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i was drawong on the wrong layer

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at least i didnt draw too much

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think im liking how it looks so far

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progress

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[end day 5]

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Kyphothought #6:

IT IS SO WINDY

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Philosophy test then finally weekend

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Theres a second lesson for writing so i just went early instead of sitting the whole 90 minutes

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Brain was fried 60 minutes in

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Brain fried shrimp

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You're telling me a brain fried this shrimp?

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I dont remember when i went to bed last night, just that i tucked myself into bed while still wearing clothes

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This dude kypho be acting drunk

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(And i never drink)

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I remember I promised to make a comic with someone

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dont even remember when this was

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maybe 2-3 years ago at this point

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sadly things turned sour between us before that could become a reality

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I still want to make a comic one day though

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They wanted the comic to be something others could relate to

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and possibly help with things the reader is going through

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i want that to be my goal if i make a comic

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i doubt the two of us will ever talk again

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but maybe i could find someone else who shares that vision

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or ill do it myself

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i dont really mind either way

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Tomorrow is a new day

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[end day 6]

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Kyphothought #7: Finish drawing and explore forest (with dog?)

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Two things i gotta do today

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It is what it is

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one step forward, two steps back

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Listen to music while staring at the ceiling arc

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Find it funny, how at the worst version of myself, i met some of the best people ive ever met

Now, at one of the better versions of myself, ive met some of the worst people

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[end day 7]

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Kyphothought #8:

The sub rises

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Sub?

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Sun

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Dont even have subway here

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Today was another day

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Managed to go foresting at least

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I am not needed

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been years since anyone outwardly expresesed me being an important person in their life/group

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mightve been why i was fooled by my ex

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hadnt heard those words in a while so i really wanted them to be true

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alas it was only a tool for her selfish desires

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i let down my suspicion for others in that moment, when i shouldnt have

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i just felt weak after what happened

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i moved on quickly but im still just disappointed

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The greatest happiness is seeing others happy, but not feeling wanted drains my cabilities to achieve that

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Even now, there's been a few people ive tried helping

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But its a weak effort

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Nowhere near the heights of what i could a few years ago

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and all of this is combining with other issues!!!!!!!!!

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no wonder ive been wanting to run away/lie down in the forest all day

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26th of February, 4:37 PM

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i am listening to music

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finished 42 pushups in one go

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need to reach 45

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dog is sitting on the balcony

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it is unclear how i feel

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physically ok

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there is a frustration with myself

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but i am currently lacking in energy

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will see when it returns

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i need a punching bag

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the two year long battle shall continue

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such is the path i am on

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it is true that i have worked on my flaws for a while now

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it is also true that new ones are appearing

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or, at least being made aware to me

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there is no such thing as complete selflessness but i still feel selfish

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i wouldnt want someone to show me excessive care

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would feel like theyre simply pitying me

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27th of February, 8:57 AM

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I donut care

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I guess someone was worried I had done something Bad to myself

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My mistake i had made it seem that way

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28th of February, 8:34 PM

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out with the bad, in with the good

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flush it like a toilet

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im too lazy to make a better background so im leaving it like this

would be hidden by fog anyway

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also i like how the colors look different on every screen i view it on

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my computer displays colors too accurately

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mostly gonna view these on my phone when im done so might as well adjust it so it looks good there

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28th of February, 11:09 PM

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If i could choose any moment to stop time, it would be these nights as i sit on this bench with my doggie

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Never been good at expressing myself through art

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And i dont think thats what i want either

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I want to be able to some day just capture a mood

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A #vibe as the kids call it

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In whatever i draw

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I want it to be a representation of something

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Like if i made a story

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A representation of struggles, of triumph, of people's flaws, the lesser noticed aspects of humanity, etc

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If ive gone through something id probably be the best person to share that through a story

But id still kinda disconnect and want to view it "objectively" when putting it into the story

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Thats just who i am

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Maybe i should just start work on a comic rn

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Would be practice

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Probably would improve my art

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29th of February, 12:27 AM

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If i dont do 40 pushups i must do 20 situps while holding my dog

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Almost didnt make it

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Scheiße

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Kypho need drinky

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late night water always hits differently

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Sometimes i forget people can read this

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I know one person reads this from time to time

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has reacted to some things ive written

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then there's another person who mysteriously reads this

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dm me a potato if you end up reading this 🫵

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29th of February, 6 PM

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i need to explore the music lands

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just been listening to few albums on rotation

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or i guess i could go back to some i havent listened to in a while

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hier kommt die sonne

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Real G's play Elden Ring on their drawing tablet

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29th of February, 10:33 PM

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I do not believe i have ever been more mature for my age, but the people i know have made it seem that way

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Parents included

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Kinda funny to think about

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1st of March, 8:21 AM

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Acceptance begets dejection

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Yet as with all things there's a balance to be had

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Thought of lying in bed all day

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People are quick to assume things

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You dont know my situation

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1st of March, 9:06 AM

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But i wish you did

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5th of March, 12:01 PM

I am fine
Will try to make it last

Relationships rebuilt, but some ruined as well
Apologies to those i pushed away

Had become too focused on strength
Clashed with me feeling weak

New trees, new me
For real this time

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5th of March, 11:25 - 11:41 PM

I cannot lament over actions taken, nor the bridges burnt

I am the one in control of myself, no matter the state I am in

The only change that can be made, is in myself

Things do not return to how they were, unaffected

But I accept that reality

To both find and receive what is good, I must become someone who is worthy of it

I have become aware of the road I must take

I could have taken you with me, but that's not how things ended up being

And that's alright

As long as you'll end up alright

Take care of yourself

That's what you deserve

I didn't need to bring my mess to you

And that goes for everyone. Everyone that I had distanced myself from

I'll better myself for the future, promise

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7th of March, 2:27 PM

Instead of assuming its over and someone doesnt want anything to do with me

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I should hear it from them

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An apology still is better than nothing

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I'm a pussy

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Always tried to avoid rejection from those i know

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To the point i imagine it already has happened

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I at least wished i could have said sorry

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But its now out of my control

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And i wont try to force things

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Take care of yourself

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Its fine i tell myself

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And it will be fine

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Because it wouldve happened eventually

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Repeating the state where i push others away

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I had gotten lucky