idk mostly sharing my thoughts and feelings
#zeep 🤯
idle pagoda
idle pagoda
Today is a good day so far
Except i been thinking alot about stuff i shouldnt be thinking about
And i aint been studying enough either
idle pagoda
hes going to school tomorrow
on one hand thats good, he needs to catch up and allat
on the other hand
kinda scared the stress will get the better of him
idle pagoda
Not sure what im feeling right now
Im aight but
Starting to stress abt all my classes
Break just ended and im already craving a new one smh
Atleast i got my dj frfr 🙏🙏🙏
idle pagoda
Test today went pretty okay
idle pagoda
Im so proud of him!!! Hes doing amazing its crazy i cant believe this im so happy
idle pagoda
So crazy
Hes doing amazing
I love it
I hope he sees this at some point
Want him to know how proud i am
His progress is insane
Im happy we even got as far as we are and its looking good right now
idle pagoda
I love helping him
idle pagoda
Little self appreciation, i think im doing pretty good
Idk, not great but
Not horrible
idle pagoda
Okay going to sleep needs get up early
Atleast ive been able to help him today, indont always succeed, when i do it kinda makes me feel better about myself
i think ill be aight as long as i have him
idle pagoda
Wow today
Is like
A great example
Of how worthless i am 🙏
Cant do shit right
Kinda getting sick of myself
Just like everybody else
idle pagoda
Little self appreciation, i think im doing pretty good
i lied
not doing good at all im gonna fuck up
Atleast im getting bank in this server lmao
i dont know what im doing wrong
Yesterday was a good day tho
idle pagoda
ugh i should use this more as a journal than a place where i just write anything
Maybe if i do it a bit more organized itll help me actually find out what im feeling so
Had 2 tests today, chemistry went kinda bad. Knew all the theory and i studied alot but i guess sum went wrong or i overlooked something. English went really well i think. Right now i have to study for physics but my mind is occupied with thoughts and its hard to focus, if my tests tomorrow dont go well might aswell give up on the entire year 💀💀
idle pagoda
Cant do shit right
I think im making everything bigger than it is, i need to find a way to stop overthinking everything
idle pagoda
I keep making these mistakes and it makes me feel like hes falling out of love
He probably isnt but im just overthinking shit rn smh
idle pagoda
Shoutout to the background vocals in goodlife!! 🗣️
Also shoutout to
My bf for inviting me to play a silly game
Shoutout to
Kid cudi
Shout out to
Uhhhh
Yeah no thats it
NO WAIT
SHOUTOUT TO
THE SANDWICH I ATE AT SCHOOL TODAY
THAT SHIT WENT HARD LOWKEY
Ok so today i studied, not enough because i was thinking alot. I tend to think alot but i dont know today i just did it more than usual. Once my bf got home from school i was able to study more.. idk if that makes sense... But when talking to him i could kinda clear my mind... ykwis.. did a few things im not that proud of, kinda dissapointed in myself today. Nothin horrible happened but i still fucked up my chemistry 😭😭
Maybe i should do a song of the day every day thatd be kinda cool i love music
Totally not stealing this from anybody whistlesss
Ok ok, song of the day.. the glory by Kanye West.. is this out of pity because of something that happened today??? Maybe..
STOP
...
Want tbeinf serious
idle pagoda
Today is a great day so far
idle pagoda
I just realised
Shiiit
I been like waiting for dat clock to hit 16-17:00 but i just realised its Wednesday
Gotta wait even longer smh...
idle pagoda
Today has been good!! Did well on my tests i think and something pretty special happened... Only downside so far is that 30 seconds ago i opened tiktok outta boredom and the first video i see ruins my mood
Suddenly i feel like puking
Oh man
idle pagoda
I forgor to do song of the day yesterday
Song of the day for yesterday was like.. Am I Dreaming by metro booming
idle pagoda
Today i have been worthless 🙏
Time to be productive and study
But first Imma clean up this room
idle pagoda
I feel sick i feel like Ive been annoying everybody i have talked to today and i havent done shit Ive sitten on my ass all day i just feel so stupid rn and idk if im overthinking or actually right and idk what to do
honestly id get it if everybody suddenly started ghosting me
im such a fatass oh my god
The fuck am i gonna do if he finds someone more interesting, funnier, more fun, more comforting, kinder, less annoying, less sensitive, less clingy??
Cause it aint that hard to find
dropped my fuckin airpod on my bed and now i lost it
Why am i so clumsy
Im so fed up with myself
idle pagoda
dropped my fuckin airpod on my bed and now i lost it
Bro i cant find it and its stressing me out like crazy aaaaa
IT FELL PUT OF MY EAR ONTO MY BED HOW HARD CAN IT BE TO FIND
dude where is it im actually getting so mad over this it rolled out of my ear where could it have gone
Im so upset right now man those fucking earphones were new and i genuinly cant find them anywhere i called my sister up and she didnt find it either where the fuck is it bro
cant believe this man i was sad asf before but now im also stressed and angry
Dude its such a little thing to get so stressed over too itll probably come up soon but im just a little bitch omfg
Bro i havent had urges in a while but lowkey ☹️ ughh ill get thru it
and no its not just because of the airphone ok
idle pagoda
Bro i havent had urges in a while but lowkey ☹️ ughh ill get thru it
They're getting stronger sigh
idle pagoda
Why did i
Do that
Im so fucking stupid this is exactly why i fucking hate myself i should just get this over with right now i deserve it anyways
Im sorry for pushing you away
Im sorry for bothering you in the first place
bro i have to keep myself together like i wanna cry rn but i cant since i have kinda a shared room.. only thing between me and my sisters room is like a fucking sliding door i feel horrible idk what to do anymore
in ruining fucking everything maybe i should get off this account
not like i have anything to do on one of my others
might need to use like an actual channel in this server what a crazy idea
Tw: sh
I literally have no idea what to do rn i dont want to ||hurt myself|| but im getting really strong urges and i have no idea who to turn to anymore i dont know what to do im really trying right now i dont want to put this right here since this is such a public space jut i need to get stuff out and i dont know where else
Even if i had someone to talk to i have no idea how to actually vent and shit and ill just end up wasting their time
Song of the day is love. by kid cudi
thank you cudi
i am the most selfish person i know
where the fuck do i go from here
Need to sleep but i cant
Ive tried venting in a certain server like 3 times but i just cant do it idk man, i have alot of trouble sharing my problems and asking for help especially in public so idk why its so easy in this journal when everybody can see this 😭😭
This song is like lowkey me
But in a way
That its not really me
But its pretty me
Ykwis
Like "ion want what i need, what i need hates me" so me frfr.. "when the days change so does my attitude" yes that is me "i guess im meant to be alone" please do not be me please please please please
Should really try to sleep again
But thatd mean id gotta stop my music
Since my dumbass lost my earphones.. i am currently listening with my GAMING HEADSET
smh
I "cleaned" this room today and im alr fucking it all up
I miss him
30 minutes no him 😨😨😨
im so pathetic omg
idle pagoda
I have cried alot tonight and Ive thought about alot of stuff and Ive gotten really bad urges, but i think ill make it through. I still have urges, they havent really gotten less tbh and they kinda hurt, if that makes sense. But idk, i just dont think ill do anything as long as i keep holding this dammed shark
I forgot to do my shoutouts
Today i think i only have one shoutout
And ill give it to my sister cause shes cool
I feel kinda bad cause like
Scratches head
I think i mightve
Sigh
Thinking about the right thing to say
I will love you no matter what
idle pagoda
I was able to fall asleep pretty late, i have also just now found my earphone. it was behind my bed
I feel so incredibly stupid, how could i do this man
I want to make it up to you when i get home, please let me
idle pagoda
Right now i feel like the biggest fucking dumbass ever. I dont know why im like this man 😭😭 he was having a good day.. a good week even... and because my bitchass couldnt stop overthinking shit i fucked that up for him. Not only that, i pushed him away and made him feel like he doesnt help ☹️ wish he knew hes the biggest comfort in my life, only reason i pulled thru last night is cause i was thinking abt him all the time and i wanted to stay strong for him. Oh and to fuckin top it off this morning i start hitting him with loving texts while he obviously aint in the mood for allat and now i just look so stupid aaaaaaaauughhh what am i gonna do with myself dude 😭 starting today im gonna really try to stop overthinking everything because its really getting to me man and i cant have it fuck everything up for me.. like what if he just dont talk to me anymore??????? i know thats a far fetch and it might be overthinking again but just the chance of that happening being there kinda freaks me out!!! I done fucked up!!!!!
On one hand i kinda wanna make a short paragraph for him on the other hand it might fuck everything up even further.. and maybe his mood kinda restores at school?? and den if he sees this paragraph about what happened and shit itll upset him again
I should probably just wait for him to leave school and let him talk to me again when hes ready.. im so smart guys im really handling this in a mature way... n stuff.. bless you kid cudi
Lets just hope today is better!! Or try making today better myself!!
Okay i feel slightly better getting this off my chest
Test today want pretty well, finally no more tests for atleast a short while
Damn honestly i should start doing the little daily check in things on this server
Yk what i kinda feel like making a to do list
To do list:
-work on my school project
-maybe make an introduction for this server
-find a way to distract myself from overthinking
-Draw that blob (kinda done but not really)
Gonna have my redemption ark and allat im gonna be better from now on ok!!! (Probably wont be but the idea im trying is nice)
Will probably add more but im feelin lazy rn
Okay but wait what if he checks this channel and it ruins his mood
Is anything here crazy mood ruining
Idk
idle pagoda
Will probably add more but im feelin lazy rn
Oh yuh ik sum to add
Needa draw that blob
Riddle me this, tiktok.. WHY when i open your app to DISTRACT MYSELF... do i get videos of HAPPY COUPLES.. WHERE ONE OF THEM DIES. I DO NOT WANT TO BE THINKING ABOUT THAT SHIT RIGHT NOW MAN
Oh yeah and whatever the fuck this is
idle pagoda
Saving up on this server so i can buy him one of those collectable roles
We at 8k rn i think i need 20k lemme check
25k aight i got this
idle pagoda
To do list:
-work on my school project
-~~maybe make an introduction for this se...
Introduction thing is done time to draw that fuckin blob...
NO I WAS TRYNA DRAW THE THING AND I ACCIDENTALLY KINDA BROKE MY MECHANICAL PENCIL
idle pagoda
i totally got off track bruh i started doodling a lil blob guy and i totally fuckedit up i made this guy packed in winter gear u can see like his eyes thats it imma do a complete redesign later probably
idle pagoda
okay so right now im really nervous. hes coming home in a few hours and on one hand im really excited cause maybe we can talk yk but im also scared cause... maybe school got him really mad or.. more upset.. or sum.. and who knows whatll happen then
oh yeah im overthinking shit its time to find a way to stop it
idle pagoda
tried listening to a certain song just now and it made me sick to my stomach oh my lord, also getting really scared now
Was able to silence my overthinking for like 2 hours tho so thats a start
But its kinda started now
idle pagoda
idk if im like insanely overthinking rn or just starting the obvious but im scared hes gonna leave me today 😮💨
Gonna take a shower and clear my mind!!! We up!!!!
And den Imma clear that to do list cause i didnt make it for dogshit
idle pagoda
God that was a
Long ass nap
Dude that mightve been the worst nap of my life, i hate naps. idk man i just always wake up from them feeling so shitty like what the FUCK
Ok so uhhh update: i didnt get shit done cause i fell asleep, i woke up for dinner and i just feel so weird from that nap 😭 i miss him i hope we can talk soon
Need to stop messaging him, he'll reply when hes ready ☹️ just why did i do this, we were just about to have ourself a nice little vc and allat and i had to overthink the stupidest shit ever and its ruined everything 
I hate how stupid i am, i gotta stop sending tiktoks too for now the notif is probably annoying
idle pagoda
Might write something, even tho im not good at it
Its a nice way to get my feelings out, kinda
Wow i wrote a poem
Its kinda shit but yk ive written like once before
Contemplating whether i should send it in this server or not
I kinda like it actually, but im not confident enough to send it here
I miss you <33
Sighh i wanna i wanna talk to him i wanna show him the disgusting failure of a blob i made i might even wanna show him the poem i made i wanna tell him abt this show im watching im so selfish and i hate it
I done typed out a whole ass vent like 5 minutes ago, took a good look at it, went "fuck im cringe" and deleted it
Ive been holding this shark all day, it aint enuff
idle pagoda
I did it
Hooray!
I am really happy just cant show it right now since im also very tired
To do list will turn into weekend to do list ig not just today
idle pagoda
Today shoitouts go to
Toby
And me
!!
And my bf gets one too
Song of the day
Man on the moon by kidcudi
Thank you cudi
idle pagoda
This is the shittiest day ever
I got all my grades back and they fucking suck
I studied well
I thought the tests went wrll
And now this
I dont know what im doing wrong
In both situations
Just wish i could be perfect sometimes
Im so scared
Idk what im gonna do or say
Udjdkrkpdlrldllffldldldodpfofo
on the verge of tears
tiktok please ||kys||
idle pagoda
Ijust dont know what to do
idle pagoda
hdidkdkfjfkekrkdodo im gonna take a shower
Only now do i see the quality
Thanks discord
Great
Wtv
Everything sucks today
0 good things have happened
My fucking pc wont even start anymore i have no way to distract myself
idle pagoda
tired
idle pagoda
Shitass week
idle pagoda
dont know if i make him feel better or worse anymore
I hate this week
Did some really bad things
idle pagoda
Kinda tearing up but not in a sad way
more in like a
just kinda emotional way idk how to explain
idle pagoda
☹️ dont feel good
idle pagoda
Fucked up
Im sorry
How i be feeling going thru a Spotify songs lyrics and twisting them so i can say i relate to the song
Needa distract myself so i can maybe fall asleep
I got an idea
idle pagoda
Album review
Album: american dream (21 Savage)
Released: januari 2024
Cover: i think its cool, 7.5/10
Tracks:
- american dream: skit/intro
- all of me: 7.5/10
- redrum: 9/10
- n.h.i.e.: 8/10
- sneaky: 5.5/10
- pop ur shit: 6/10 (didnt like young thug on this)
- letter to my brudda: 9.5/10
- dangerous: 7.5/10 (Durk verse was really good imo)
- nèe-nah: 9/10 (Travis was rlly good)
- see the real: 8/10
- prove it: 7.5/10
- should've wore a bonnet: 8.5/10
- just like me: 9.5/10 (i prefer this over letter to my brudda, but i rate in .5s so. Also apperently this song is alot of peoples least favorite, crazy)
- red sky: 7.5/10
- dark days: 7/10
Avarage: 8/10
This was my first listen, Ive only heard redrum before. I think the album is really cool but a little repetetive, the adlibs can get slightly annoying but that might just be me. Everything here is simply my opinion and i understand if whoever reads this does not agree, even tho i dont expect alot of people to read thru this. mostly did it to kill time a little and distract myself
Overall: 8/10
Favorite song was just like me
Least favorite song was sneaky
Insano by kid cudi next.. soon
Song of the day go to just like me cause this slap hard
Currently drowning in guilt and regret but 21 Savages new album went hard 💯
idle pagoda
Song of the day is the prayer by kid cudi
idle pagoda
Im sorry, goodnight
idle pagoda
What have i done ☹️
idle pagoda
Album review
Album: VULTURES 1 (Kanye West & Ty Dolla $ign)
Released: Feb 10th 2024
Cover art: Its pretty bad, 4.5/10
Tracks:
STARS: 9.5/10
KEYS TO MY LIFE: 8/10
PAID: 9/10
TALKING: 6.5/10 (first half takes it down alot for me)
BACK TO ME: 10/10
HOODRAT: 8.5/10
DO IT: 10/10
PAPERWORK: 6/10
BURN: 10/10
FUK SUMN: 8.5/10
VULTURES: 8/10
CARNIVAL: 9.5/10
BEG FORGIVENESS: 9/10
GOOD (DON'T DIE): 9.5/10
PROBLEMATIC: 8/10
KING: 7.5/10
long awaited album by kanye hooray!! not much to say, exceeded my expectations and i rlly liked it.
Overall: 9/10
Favorite song: BURN
Least favorite: PAPERWORK
idle pagoda
Everyone adores you
Atleast i do
Wish i could be super mad at you rn
Furious
I dont know why i cant
My love
idle pagoda
I coilbde handled that situaton
348272848 diffrny ways
And i cjose thewrongone
Dmmmmdklslssodigofofodof
Jskdlsslsllsdkkdd d f f d a a. Aa a a aadksldld
i m normad anymor e
pllease
idle pagoda
Was a bad day already but as soon as i got home my dad started ranting to me abt being on the internet too much
Cant have this shit rn
Got denied from the school newspaper too
Lowkey happy
Ion feel like drawing shit for that anymore
Dont know why i signed up in the first place
My grades are absolute shit omfg
Might aswell ||kill myself|| before i get the news that i gotta resit
Im lying
Ion wanna die
idle pagoda
I miss my uncle ☹️
idle pagoda
Wow
This released 2 days ago
Im BurnFanatic628 fr
Doesnt matter that i fell asleep with it on
This reminded me
I drew sum at school
My clothes
I just got
An emial
That my new clothes
Arrived
And they're
Not here
Bro
Ok they were at the neighbours for no reason
Im literally home smh
Yay they fit
I like these
Burn, baby, burn
Sometimes it hurts, I guess I never learned 🗣️🗣️🔥🔥
Piece is aight, letters kinda boring
Song is fire
idle pagoda
he nasty like the old time old number 7
i love you doom
https://open.spotify.com/track/6OkDb9fyi22Pr6QJIrUNdJ?si=6e9949cf0f354d6f will never get old for me
gonna make more roblox clothes cause
its kinda
relaxing
nvm i cant
dont have my
plugins
☹️
why the actual fuck is there a fortnite hasbin hotel emote
idle pagoda
this song is so perfect for me
i have no idea
what this guy is yapping abt
but its just the exact type song i love
idle pagoda
Kendrick pls drop
Ur new snippet is exactly what i need rn
I think i kinda calmed down
idle pagoda
y'all never gave a fuck abt me, it was always her
so dont go pretendin u care now
dont act like u give a shit when its things like this that fucking prove my point
u never loved me like u love her
i dont mean tht
not relly
do i?
i dnt know anymoe
idle pagoda
fuck you
"apologise"
like i aint done that shit 50 times
fuck off
youre the one that should apologise
taking my money
yall wouldnt do this shit for me
i aint apologising for shit
ion want any of em to talk to me at all
idle pagoda
Calming myself down by trying to expand my artstyle
So far i only rlly been drawing
Cartoony doodle thingies
And graffiti stuff
Or however u write it
Tryna get more detailed n such
Eye and mouth idk it doesnt look that good
Its not part of the same drawing
Just trying out new stuff
idle pagoda
everybody always just pretending to care and it makes me sick
idle pagoda
aaaaaa
idle pagoda
hey i got an idea!!! just be nice to me for once!!!
directed atsomeonme
not in thiss erver
i was
proud of it man
i thought it was cool ☹️
ion fucking draw that much
i know it doesnt look amazing
and its not super creative
u didnt have to get all critical tho
idle pagoda
I feel something - Kendrick Lamar 🙏
idle pagoda
Kkk jjsndnxcncbcdmdkdkskdkxd d. Snssnfcnbcbcbcdmkdkxkx
idle pagoda
Need to get something off my chest but dont really know what
idle pagoda
why must kanye not release his best songs????
bittersweet 
BITTERSWEEETT.. UR GONNA BE THE DEATH OF MEE
I DONT WANT YOU
BUT I NEED YOU
I LOVE YOU AND HATE YOU AT THE VERY SAME TIMEEE
BITTERSWEETTT
kanye please release this for europe
please
idle pagoda
"i dont have to ask ur sister that type of stuff"
Shtuupshutup shutup shutu p shit upshu tuip
I am nother
Stop comparokg me tohr
U dont knw shit
Im ttryng ok
I am
Sshutup
idle pagoda
Sskoaldlllselslsldkdkdmsdm
idle pagoda
im so stupid
holding this stupid thing
listening to this stupid playlist
writing this down in my stupid journal
reading thru my own journal made me realise something
im ao atupid
idle pagoda
Imso strupid
idle pagoda
Aaaa how did i not see that
How dkdidodkfkdoektk
Im sk fucked
So fuckingsrupid
Im so fucking stupid
idle pagoda
☹️
idle pagoda
Tell me when ur open to messages again
idle pagoda
Mark <33
Potentially us
Me when i am flying in space and i pull out a sandwich
Me
Hmm
One of these 4 is my next pfp
New pfp chosen
idle pagoda
idle pagoda
"I thought you were.. I thought.. I thought you were stronger."
I love that scene
I kinda wanna ramble about it
Hm
Dare i say us
Is it me or did they make a lil mistake with that drawing
Wait
I THINK THEY DID
Look this yellow part which i marked with the red is part of the mask.. see no mask = no yellow at the neck and shes not wearing the mask but theres yellow in the neck
Errmmmmmm
What the sigma
I have no idea when this is cause i dont read the comics but
Dare i say us
Also me btw
Both r me dont get shit mixed up 🙏🙏🗣️🗣️
This could be me
Potentially
Maybe
I love this show
Im giggling
I should stop filling my journal with invincible imagss
Kmages
Inages
Ok
idle pagoda
idle pagoda
I need friends who watch invincible
Time to brainwash people into watching jt
.....
Get to watching den??
????????
??????????????
WHAT DOES THE HAND MEAN
2 what..
2 hours???
Or at 2..
Or in 2 minutes
2 seconds
Its a watch
im LOOKING
Ur gonna watch at 2??
Wait i alr
Said that
Pout mark
WDYMM
What dkes
2 watch screen
Mean
tv watch 2
Ohhh
Watch together??
Coulda just said that 🙄
u do NOT get to roll ur eyes
Not rn...
Later probably
,,,,
What
idle pagoda
Pout mark
...
Dni.
UR NOT TAKING MARK FROM ME
No
?????
Who said u were
I didn't it was about THE IDEA OKAY
But nvm den!!!
Nvm!!!
Not my fault not every character is gay
....
yeah yeah wtv 🙄
Wat
Mark
...
Dni
..
Good save
I need more mark images
Hes literally me
Say its you one more time and were not watching
Oh
Mb
What does weelchair mean
??????
...
Were not watching 
....
Hmmm
Huh
What does
Under man mean
Under person???
I DKNT GET
Oh
Ohhh
Yes ues
I understand
Hes me
,,,
I judge???
WYM
You judge,,??
You're JUDGING ME?
Blocked
Do NOT pull the ☹️
,,,,
,,,,,,,
...
Ok den
There
Deleted!!
Smh
I know
What!!!
C:
LOL
..
I dont get it
You're
Dice
OH
DICE
FIES
DIES
Okayyy
Real slimey 
,,,
WHAT DOES THE
OPEN FOKDER MEAN.
...
.....
.
Ohh
😊
,,,
....
MMMM
Let me translate this
My
Mysterious
OKAAYY
U cant be
U cant be doing allat and making me feel like this rn
Im supposed to be ANGRY
And MYSTERIOUS
,,,,
Were absolutely ruining my journal 
...
IMJOKING
Smh..
..
BUT IM SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE
HMM
,,
I DMED!!!
idle pagoda
Trying to expand my art style
Haven't talked here in a while
Art dump
Not even doing that bad right now
Just thinking
Alot
I wanna sleep
Just a little scared
I feel like im annoying alot of my friends, some are talking to me alot less. One of my friends is taking a break from discord and I only now find out cause of his bio, he never dmed me about it. Hes really cool and I feel like we were kinda getting closer and stuff, good for him tho
Another friend is just barely messaging and replying to me, I used to do the same (while ago, wasnt doing good at all back then) and wr had an argument abt it. They said I was acting as if I didnt want us to be friends.
There's more I want to get off my chest but I don't know if I should here
I should just sleep
idle pagoda
Feeling pretty bad right now
I just vced with him for abt 8.5 hours and I wanted to get off to get on the game with some friends
But he seemed rlly down abt it
I just noticed he left the server
Now I feel kinda lonely here