Matrix's Journal | Huddle | Page 2

indigo orbit Dec 25, 2025, 10:04 PM

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incontestablemente, aplastante realidad

indigo orbit Dec 26, 2025, 11:10 PM

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I need tomorrow to be a great day. I need to be on a good mood, and I need to have fun

indigo orbit Dec 27, 2025, 9:42 AM

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I have to pay 60 euros to the dentist because I forgot to pay, and they are charging m extra now. Sucks. She did nothing to me. She looked at my mouth and said come back in 2 months and gave me a special toothbrush. Thats gonna cost me 60 euros.

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i woke up to these news and now im crying cuz this shit sucks

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i barely have any money im woerking some stuoid job to make some and then this shit happens

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they just charge, they dont give a fuck about what they do, how is it possible that because a person looked inside my mouth they charging me so much what is thisd

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i'M SO TIRED

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I dnt like my life

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i hate my job

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i hate not doing music not having students

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My life feels meaningless

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I dont want to work tomorrow

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I dont really want to work on anything that is not music

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not reslly

indigo orbit Dec 27, 2025, 10:59 AM

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DogsOfDiscord_2_WatchingYourSoul I feel a lil better

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I did send an e-mail to the dentist office when I was upset.

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So yeah...

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I don't think I'm gonna go there anymore, I'll find another dentist

indigo orbit Dec 27, 2025, 11:22 AM

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I need to fix the second floor, make it look nice to be able to receive students

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Make some posters

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i really need to try, if not im gonna be stuck in this stupid job forever

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if I get 4 students, I have enough money to pay for all the basic stuff I need

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If i get 6 students, I would make the same money I make at this other job, but in half the amount of hours

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and double the amount of fun

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pf what double, much more than that

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i should also try to get online students from my country.

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i've done it before

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it could happen again

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i think in the past at some point i had like 12 online students

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then i stopped

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but yeah its also a possibility

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i just cant have so many here probably from chile since the hour change is there

indigo orbit Dec 28, 2025, 10:21 AM

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I'm sad sadturtle

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everything is so disappointing

indigo orbit Dec 28, 2025, 2:39 PM

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Feeling a lil desperate.

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Life doesnt make much sense

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I feel alone

indigo orbit Dec 28, 2025, 3:20 PM

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I feel sorry for myself

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I’m a failure

indigo orbit Dec 28, 2025, 5:54 PM

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I guess I feel a lil better

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I played some guitar

indigo orbit Dec 28, 2025, 8:30 PM

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Crying

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I was fine actually but then I read my journal back and felt bad

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Vlo is very soft 🥹🤍🖤

indigo orbit Dec 29, 2025, 12:16 AM

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My husband just bought me a new piano many_tears

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It's a really beautiful one

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a_blob_cute_cuddle_hug_protecc

indigo orbit Dec 29, 2025, 8:06 PM

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He fell asleep on the couch, with the phone on his hand
Probably very tired from work, but with a happy stomach I hope
Dinner today was fettuccini with spinach sauce, patty and salads

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He deserves good things, beautiful things

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Sometimes I wonder how he does it...

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He is so calm and never has a problem with anything

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well, other than stupid drivers

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I on the other hand, always something going on, something that is 'not okay', something that is missing

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Or is it only that I verbalize things more?

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Nah, I'm totally a very dramatic person

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for example today, I was imagining myself playing this song called 'oruguitas', a beautiful lil song, with a beautiful melody. And i started crying like....omg. Like if the world was ending or something. But this crying was because this song is just too beautiful and I cannot handle how it makes me feel because its so beautiful

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I also for example I'm happily playing with Foxy and then BOOM the thought 'omg she is gonna die and I'm never gonna be able to move on and how am I gonna deal with all that' and it unbalances me

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And I stick into the thought, I explore with it, I imagine other situations, I connect my dog dying with someone else dying, like my dad, or my husband, and I start to feel weird, and I start to prepare myself for this horrible, horrible things that there is absolutely no point on worrying so much about

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what a waste of time

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But I kinda have to be careful sometimes because if I start thinking too deep about some of these stuff I totally will start crying, and it might not matter where I am physically lmao

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if im walking on the street I'll start crying outside or in the bus

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and yeah thats not so good cuz people will look DogsOfDiscord_2_WatchingYourSoul

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I have a strange relationship with crying

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I should write a song about that, about crying

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maybe

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I also want to write a song about how much the temporality of things hurt me

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la temporalidad de las cosas

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i dont reember when, but there was this moment some years ago, where I actually realized that I will never, ever agin experience my family as I think about my family in my head. I mean me living with my 4 siblings and parents. We had such a great beautiful time together. And it's in the past. We will never be kids again. We will never live together again. We are all living our lives in different countries. I love them so much. The memory of them....it's something that I will have always in my heart. But sadly, and its so sad...it's so sad. We will never have each other like that again. Now there are other kids, there are other things to do you know? oh...

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oh...this hurts me so much

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things change so fast....so fast. And when we are in those moments, when we are living those moments, we can't understand how important they are, how much they are going to give energy and meaning to our future selfs

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oh, it hurts me so much, the temporality of things

indigo orbit Jan 1, 2026, 12:01 PM

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Hello journal Pinkomjis_puddles

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This year will be good huddlebeatingheart I can feel it

indigo orbit Jan 2, 2026, 3:16 PM

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I think I got 2 new students

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not sure yet

indigo orbit Jan 3, 2026, 4:36 PM

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I feel ugly today

indigo orbit Jan 4, 2026, 3:07 AM

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Little_Pretty_Star_Purple played Dota with my husband today. Was fun!

indigo orbit Jan 5, 2026, 11:25 AM

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Hello journal huddlesparks

It’s snowing a lot! Outside looks so pretty CatClap

My husband didn’t have to go to work cuz of the snow so we’re having a Dota day MUAHAHAH

indigo orbit Jan 6, 2026, 5:59 PM

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Today I'm eating fruits instead of candies

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many_tears

indigo orbit Jan 7, 2026, 8:45 PM

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I ate muffins and a cookie

indigo orbit Jan 9, 2026, 7:44 PM

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I just got paid and feels very good

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ngl I complain too much about this work

indigo orbit Jan 10, 2026, 1:04 AM

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I have to work tomorrow many_tears

indigo orbit Jan 11, 2026, 1:18 AM

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Work went okay. Also I saw Tamara, she is so cool! I think we are friends loveycat

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She's from Hungary

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it's cool there's a few people from different countries like Indonesia, South Africa, Portugal

indigo orbit Jan 13, 2026, 9:54 PM

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got some new bath things 🫧 BBubbleBlow

indigo orbit Jan 15, 2026, 12:35 PM

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My new piano is here!!

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loveycat

indigo orbit Jan 15, 2026, 10:59 PM

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omg this shampoo is so nice

indigo orbit Jan 16, 2026, 9:18 PM

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I don't have to go to work next week, so I'm going to get that music space in my house 100% readyyyyy

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organize all the stuff, see what can be thrown away
deep cleaning

indigo orbit Jan 17, 2026, 4:19 PM

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I reaally need to lose weight 😪

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Im looking really bad in pictures and I also feel uncomfortable

indigo orbit Jan 19, 2026, 1:07 AM

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Hello journal huddlesparks

So someone is going to make some posters for me for the classes. I need to choose a font and some other details. huddlestar

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I played piano for a few hours today

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Didn't clean at all

indigo orbit Jan 20, 2026, 12:48 PM

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"I have little use for the past and rarely think about it"

indigo orbit Jan 20, 2026, 10:24 PM

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I sooooo wanna go for a weekend to this awesome spa hotel with my husband huddleloadingheart

indigo orbit Jan 21, 2026, 2:43 PM

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I'm being so lazy many_tears

indigo orbit Jan 21, 2026, 7:21 PM

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ughhh we booked for next weekend in this awesome spa place :3

indigo orbit Jan 22, 2026, 12:46 AM

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DA_catplay

indigo orbit Jan 22, 2026, 8:33 PM

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I feel so upset sadturtle

indigo orbit Jan 22, 2026, 10:33 PM

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I feel better DogsOfDiscord_3_Blushing

indigo orbit Jan 25, 2026, 1:21 PM

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If you can be anything, be kind

indigo orbit Jan 27, 2026, 11:17 AM

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Ugh the health system is so different here than in my country. I’ve used this medication all my life and now they wanna do an exam and they just gave me one medication, and I just feel so weird having only one…like what if I lose it or smthing….I’m gonna have to run to the doctor each time 😫 I don’t understand how this can be

indigo orbit Jan 28, 2026, 1:19 AM

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Hello journal huddlesparks

I got some new lipsticks today. They are cute, hope I feel like wearing them a lot huddlestar

indigo orbit Jan 28, 2026, 4:48 PM

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wearing one of my new lipsticks today it's called "rose dust" sparklespink

indigo orbit Jan 30, 2026, 12:33 PM

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so I think the colors that go best w me for eye shadows are browns/orange, blue/purple, green

indigo orbit Jan 31, 2026, 10:21 PM

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a_ab_goofy_silly_cat_

indigo orbit Feb 2, 2026, 10:17 PM

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https://tenor.com/view/crunch-cat-luna-eat-gif-3997701764820700221

Tenor

indigo orbit Feb 8, 2026, 2:07 AM

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Hello journal DoD_SparkleStars

Things are okay I guess. I'm feeling tired but after tomorrow I can rest.
I have to go to the moulin with Foxy...we haven't gone in a while.

indigo orbit Feb 8, 2026, 10:33 AM

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Today I'm going to wear a new lipstick! It's called Fierce Flirt huddlekittygiggle

indigo orbit Feb 9, 2026, 8:46 PM

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Started using Adapalene today. We'll see what it does loveycat huddlewowsparkle

indigo orbit Feb 11, 2026, 2:43 PM

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ugh I have to go to work

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I think im gonna go for a very light makeup, but with a strong highlighter cuz why not

indigo orbit Feb 11, 2026, 4:28 PM

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ugh im looking so good

indigo orbit Feb 14, 2026, 11:12 AM

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Today I work all day floorcry I think it should be fine, not sure how my body will be affected but I'm bringing snacks and lipsticks

indigo orbit Feb 16, 2026, 7:23 PM

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Hello journal sparklespink
Starting soon the process to validate my degree here. That will make me happy.

indigo orbit Feb 18, 2026, 2:01 PM

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I don't feel okay today. Woke up went to the dentist, didn't understand anything he said really, got charged a lot of money, had to take 2 buses to get there

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why is it so hard to find a dentist here

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called sick not going to work, i dont feel specially good about that

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ill go tmorrow

indigo orbit Feb 19, 2026, 5:03 PM

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it hurts to play the keys,
and sometimes i get confused i believe i dont know them
when they've been there all my life

indigo orbit Feb 20, 2026, 9:15 PM

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i love hugs huddleloadingheart

indigo orbit Feb 24, 2026, 10:30 AM

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Hello journal sparklespink

My phones camera is not working so well. That sucks cuz I love taking pictures with it 🥹

indigo orbit Feb 25, 2026, 12:41 PM

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I don’t feel very well. I don’t know why. I feel so worried about the future. So worried about finding a job some day that I like, so worried about the future of my teeth since i have bruxism

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Worried about not doing what im supposed to, worried that I will become 60 and never shared my songs with the world

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Worried about in what moment of all the things I have to do ill have a kid

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I miss my dad

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i miss talking spanish

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Ew why do I do this at the bus, now im crying

indigo orbit Feb 28, 2026, 8:44 PM

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I love my husband huddleloadingheart

indigo orbit Mar 3, 2026, 7:12 AM

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I miss my sisters. Having them around, asking them whatever. I miss them so much

indigo orbit Mar 3, 2026, 10:23 AM

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I'm going to try something today, something that matters a lot to me. I hope I succeed.

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I do feel confident, in the sense that I think I should be able to do it

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Volver a mi

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-shower
-walk with Foxy to the moulin
-read 30 min
-dinner making
-read another 30 min
-nap?

indigo orbit Mar 3, 2026, 12:34 PM

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Omgggg one of my sisters is coming to live in The Netherlands with her family!!!

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What a weird coincidence

indigo orbit Mar 3, 2026, 7:59 PM

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indigo orbit I do feel confident, in the sense that I think I should be able to do it

I failed

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I feel sorry for myself

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My husband is not helpful at all with this sadturtle

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it's not his fault but i just wish he understood and support me better

indigo orbit Mar 4, 2026, 8:05 AM

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well, im an idiot

indigo orbit Mar 5, 2026, 8:41 PM

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my teeth bother me so much...I just want it to be Tuesday so I can see the orthodontist. My bruxism has ruined my bite and now I have to fixe it many_tears

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i just feel so uncomfortable

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tmorrow i have my first session w the physiotherapist to see if they can help me with my foot..

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I need to recover from that and i need to fix my teeth

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a_cat_cry_cute_owo

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my front teeth dont touch anymore they used to touch and it feels so weird

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i dont care if i have to use braces again but i really want to feel my mouth relaxed again

indigo orbit Mar 6, 2026, 9:41 PM

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Hello journal huddlerose

My husband gifted me flowers today huddlebeatingheart

indigo orbit Mar 8, 2026, 11:12 PM

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Hello journal huddlesparks

I went to Tamara's house today for the first time. I had an awesome time. She had make all these vegan things for me blurrycry so sweet. We played games and talked a lot. Another girl from work was also there, she is really nice too. I hope I didn't speak too much in general huddlekittygiggle but I think everyone was having fun!

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she has a wand, a very beautiful one, like the one Harry Potter uses Pinkomjis_Wand

indigo orbit Mar 9, 2026, 12:57 AM

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Made tortellini with pesto sauce + an egg for my husbands lunch tmorrow. He likes something simple and easy to eat when he's at work. I think he's gonna like this one huddlebeatingheart

indigo orbit Mar 12, 2026, 8:02 PM

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my tummy hurts

indigo orbit Mar 13, 2026, 10:30 AM

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if you can be anything, be kind

indigo orbit Mar 14, 2026, 11:09 AM

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Just made some rice with chicken and carrots with a lil bit of kurkuma for my dog foxy

indigo orbit Mar 16, 2026, 8:13 AM

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Still cant believe my sister is coming to live with her family in the same country where im living...like what are the odds

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gonna spend Christmas with them this year! catjump

indigo orbit Mar 18, 2026, 8:36 PM

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Hello journal DoD_SparkleStars

Mu husband fell asleep on the couch, he is so cute. He is tired 🥹
Foxy keeps crying because she wants another snack. She loves snacks.

indigo orbit Mar 20, 2026, 7:49 PM

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I'm sick sadness scared that I will die from a cold

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I feel very often scared of dying, too often

indigo orbit Mar 22, 2026, 9:35 AM

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Hello journal huddlebeatingheart

I survived the cold. My ears are still blocked from it but I hope that will also get better in some days.

indigo orbit Mar 23, 2026, 8:04 AM

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-# parrotdance

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hahaha Montseee

indigo orbit Mar 23, 2026, 6:18 PM

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Im very upset, I should not be and I should not show it. But im so tired. Soooo tired. I don’t deserve this

indigo orbit Mar 23, 2026, 8:15 PM

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Hello journal huddlesparks

I am grateful. I don't need big things. I like to be gentle. There is confidence and beauty and power in kindness.

indigo orbit Mar 24, 2026, 9:16 AM

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Ungrateful woman your treason

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Left footprints on my heart

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And tho everything seems normal

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You keep lying to your heart

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Careful
Could be
Could it be

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maybe at night you dream of me

indigo orbit Mar 24, 2026, 10:20 AM

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I feel like my foot is getting better, just went to physiotherapy again and I can feel improvement

indigo orbit Mar 25, 2026, 10:43 AM

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I'm feeling very sad

indigo orbit Mar 25, 2026, 11:41 AM

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I want to only speak when I have something kind to say, I want to spend the rest of my days giving flowers to everyone who is trying, I want to never stop trying, I want to remain soft, be nothing but a student

indigo orbit Mar 26, 2026, 1:22 PM

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my ears are still blocked, it's so uncomfortable 🥹

indigo orbit Mar 27, 2026, 8:16 AM

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I'm going to the doctor today, hopefully they can tell me what's going on

indigo orbit Mar 27, 2026, 11:32 AM

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ugh just went to the doctor and they cleaned my ears and its still blocked so i guess i just have to wait

indigo orbit Mar 29, 2026, 5:28 PM

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I cried at work today, everyone saw me

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I feel better now, my husband is the best 🥹

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But people can be so mean… ppl with no soft skills should not be in certain positions sadness

indigo orbit Apr 2, 2026, 11:17 AM

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Im very stressed, been just crying all these days. I feel very alone sometimes on this country. I really miss my family, and I miss speaking spanish

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I miss seeing the ocean

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I keep making mistakes

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I just cane without thinking some stuff properly, like where am i supposed to work here

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I need all these special dutch certificates now

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im gonna get them but all this sucks

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I have to work a stupid job that i dont like

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With stupid people

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I cant be a mom

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I dont have the stability for that I guess

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I hipe i can be a mom before im too old for it

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I will probably always live in regret if i dont figure this out

indigo orbit Apr 2, 2026, 11:59 AM

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Some weeks ago I was walking and saw this very big horse with a huge belly

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Now I saw a baby horse

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It’s so cute

indigo orbit Apr 2, 2026, 2:13 PM

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Do not give me more books, because I do not read them.
What I have learned, is because I saw it.
The more the years pass by, the more I contradict myself when I think.

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I hope that my mouth never shuts up
I do not have everything figured out, nor my life settled,
I just have a smile and I hope for one in return.

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And I went after you, following my instinct.
If you want real change, well, walk differently.

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this coffee sucks

indigo orbit Apr 5, 2026, 2:24 PM

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ugh this cat stinks

indigo orbit Apr 5, 2026, 7:50 PM

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its been around a month since i cant hear properly through my left ear, will call the doctor again tmorrow

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Stupid cold

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I’ve never been so sick in my life

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I hate everything im in such a bad mood

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My hand did that weird thing again also yesterday I think was a muscle spasm or smthing

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My finger was moving my itself for some time and it was so scary i thought i was gonna die

indigo orbit Apr 9, 2026, 2:06 PM

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sometimes I think about that stupid boyfriend I had like 85 years ago, that broke up w me and was a horrible person, and how because of that whole situation w him I ended up in this server.

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i honestly don't wish him good. I wish I could, but my brain doesn't want to. I imagine he's still the bad person he was back then. He would have ruined maybe other ppls lives. He's probably being stinky in his apartment like always

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when I was younger, I guess I really was obsessed with finding love. I would accept anything. I would accept so many things I didn't like, I would try to change myself so that some person didn't leave. And people that really, really didn't care about me, and was gonna leave anyways.

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but there was I, crying, wanting with aaaall my heart for these stupid losers to take me back

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i did things that when I think about it's like...... ew.

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friend....you should not do that

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dont humiliate yourself like that

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you dont have to sleep outside his place waiting for him to show up and maybe have the chance to tell him to take you back

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i would sit and make art for them, a song, a painting

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give it to them, hoping that this would show how much I care

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Of course, this would have made anyone run away

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it's just I could not care less about that, in that moment, there is only space for one thing

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he needs to love me

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he doesn't understand how much I love him, so I need to show this aggressively in a strong way

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cuz he has to change his mind, ofc

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what is so wrong with me? why a person that is so stinky is leaving?

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people are cruel

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men are cruel

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can be

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they can tell you that they love you, looking at your eyes, promising you the world

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and the next week they might change their mind and break up w you

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I wish I had known of a way of escaping this cycle

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i lost so much time!

indigo orbit Apr 12, 2026, 12:37 AM

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Next week I want to do a special walk somewhere with Foxy.

indigo orbit Apr 12, 2026, 7:59 PM

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i think my ear might be a little bit better. is this actually happening? am i gonna hear properly again soon?

indigo orbit Apr 14, 2026, 6:36 AM

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Let's take a walk, hallelujah
Sun is out, hallelujah
I'm kissing you, hallelujah
Dream of you, hallelujah
Look at you, hallelujah
I'm loving you, hallelujah
Everything hallelujah

indigo orbit Apr 16, 2026, 7:56 PM

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Hello journal Pinkomjis_Wand

Things have been a lil bit better. My ear is getting a lil better. I've been painting a lot. I have to go work tmorrow Toast

indigo orbit Apr 17, 2026, 11:37 PM

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Hello journal,

I'm very upset. I feel like my husband doesn't listen to me sometimes. Im not sure, I just don't see any change on things that we speak about as a couple, and it makes me very sad. I wonder if certain things will never change, and that kinda breaks my heart. Should I expect them to never change? Can we work it out? I just know we have to do something about it but I don't know what 😢

indigo orbit Apr 22, 2026, 6:21 AM

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Hello journal huddleheartshape

Things are better. I love my husband. Life is not easy.

indigo orbit Apr 23, 2026, 4:12 PM

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I have lots of work the next 3 days

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DogsOfDiscord_2_DuguLuvu

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I send you a big hug

indigo orbit Apr 24, 2026, 1:48 PM

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I slept horrible, said something mean to my husband that I regret, Im so tired i was only able to sleep like 4 hours and i have to work all day until 1 am

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Yea its good money but at what cost

indigo orbit Apr 25, 2026, 8:40 AM

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i survived

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now one more time

indigo orbit Apr 26, 2026, 11:14 PM

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everything hallelujah

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Sun is out hallelujah

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dream of you hallelujah

indigo orbit Apr 30, 2026, 9:15 PM

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since I fell last year doing crossfit my life has never been the same sadturtle

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i hope i can fully recover some day

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im a lil scared that i wont for some reason

indigo orbit May 3, 2026, 3:27 PM

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I need to start working out again a little bit.

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im scared that something wrong will happen but i need to do it anyways

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cuz maybe thats why my hip is hurting me

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i need to go back to doing something maybe 3 times a week, pilates or

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idk

indigo orbit May 5, 2026, 7:36 PM

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ugh my body hurts. I'm going to stretch a lot

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upsidedown_cry

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i need to get one of those massages

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descontracturantes

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urgently

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CE_CatMassage

indigo orbit May 7, 2026, 11:42 AM

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I miss my dad a lot

indigo orbit May 8, 2026, 11:07 AM

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life changes so fast...

indigo orbit May 11, 2026, 6:08 AM

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Feeling more depressed every day

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Things make less and less sense

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I don’t do anything meaningful with my life

indigo orbit May 16, 2026, 7:52 PM

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Im feeling a lil better

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I love my husband 🫂

indigo orbit May 18, 2026, 7:05 AM

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I wanna start an ig where i post things every week

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music or other things too

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I should not overthink more about it i should just start

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just post whatever i want i dont really have to care about that

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Caring about it has taken me nowhere so

indigo orbit May 26, 2026, 6:30 AM

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Hello journal sparklespink

Life is so strange...changes all the time

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Feelings come and go

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We have a new dining table. It's small and cute

indigo orbit May 29, 2026, 6:22 AM

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My dad is hospitalized

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I'm so far away from him

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I feel so scared of losing him

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I hope everything will be okay

indigo orbit May 29, 2026, 8:06 PM

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Waiting to get news. He was doing better

indigo orbit May 30, 2026, 9:23 AM

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I've been watching this series on Youtube about MLM's (Multi-Level Marketing companies) and how they ruin lives in so many different levels, and I remember how I've been approached several times by ppl involved in these fraudulent companies, to try to sell me something or recruit me. If I go to my IG, I can easily find people doing this thing

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It's so weird...just so weird, how someone will randomly dm you and tell you how they thought of you for this 'amazing opportunity'

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Of course, I've never believed it and never replied back after I understand thats what they want from me, because these people start talking to you and act as if they have an interest in getting in touch again and having a honest conversation, but its all a lie!

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And most of them are being scammed into working for these companies, and actually losing more money than what they will ever win

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it's very sad. If you know anyone involved with an MLM, don't believe a word they say, and if it's someone close that you care about, you can try to make them understand that they are wasting their time and ruining other peoples lives

indigo orbit May 31, 2026, 6:12 PM

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My dad is doing better

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Im scared about the moment when he will not be anymore

indigo orbit Jun 2, 2026, 8:35 AM

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I dont feel very well 😞

#Matrix's Journal