#Sam’s (itissamm) journal of random writings
1 messages · Page 2 of 1
No… I don’t like that message
It seems to harsh
I can’t give up on you
I’m okay
I mean when it comes to you I should be happy
Because the person I love so much is safe and okay
And they also still love me
Even if you aren’t ready to fully let me back in because I know you have a lot going on
I will wait and be here for you
Because you did that for me in the beginning
Because we still love each other
There is almost nothing I’ve been more certain on then my love for you
Everyone is telling me not to reach out but my gut feeling is to do so
What do I follow?
I have no clue
I miss you
I’ll wait for you
I love you
I also miss you but I know there is a lot going on in your life right now
So I’m not upset with no answer
Maybe a little bummed out but not upset
I miss you a lot right now
I’m confused about everything
And i still just want to message you
I feel like breaking down
I miss you so much
I love you too
I hate that I haven’t texted you today but maybe it’s a better idea
I don’t know
It hurts
To feel like I’m leaving you to struggle alone
I just want to know what is the right thing
You mean the world to me
It breaks my heart that there is pretty much nothing I can do to help you right now
I love you so much
I’m to scared of making the wrong choice i can’t even follow my gut instinct
Still nothing from you
That message i just send will be the last for a while
Because I don’t think i have enough words to fully describe it anymore
To you that is
I told you my truth like my therapist said. I did what i think is good for me.
I miss you
I’m scared you will be gone forever
I Wonder if you read the messages I send
I miss you a lot
How am I supposed to go anywhere in art if I feel like I can’t make good art
I hate it
I’m confused and lonely feeling
I don’t want to go and eat dinner with my family either
But I don’t know
My mom wants me to
But I just can’t get myself to go
I feel just so eh
I have to get better so I can be there for you better
You still love me so it’s all worth it
I love you too
I just found something that is helpful to me
Hugging that plush cat that reminds me of you for whatever reason other then one day I told you I was going to pretend it was you so it felt like you were there with me
But I hid it in a drawer for what I thought would help me feel better
But maybe feeling like you are here with me again is a good thing
I miss you
You wouldn’t love me now
My hair cut makes me look ugly
And not like a guy
It doesn’t fit my face right and just even though it’s quite short it makes me face look more feminine
I miss my hair
From before
But it was all dead ends pretty much
But so much was cut off and now I look dumb and ugly and bad
I hate it
And I hate dysphoria
And I hate going through it all alone
Please come back
I want to do the call thing
Where we just sit on a call and don’t do really anything
Sometimes I’m alone on the calls because you were busy so you just text me while I draw pictures and stuff
But other times you join off and on
I felt a lot less lonely then
I guess it was probably also because I had more then two friends that I talked to outside of school during most of our relationship
But even though you still love me (or you say you do) it feels weird to ask you if I can do the call thing
Not just because we aren’t together but because you are having a hard time
Miss you
You don’t know how happy and grateful for the fact you sent me the text “I love you, Sam.”
I hate that life has been unfair to you… but you are safe
Or at least that’s what you said a couple days ago
I haven’t heard from you sense but I will wait
Because I love you too
It’s something I’m willing to wait and fight for
Just don’t leave forever please
That’s all I ask
I miss you
Just another day
I will message you on Christmas
I think about you all the time
Sometimes I just stare at the text you sent where you said you love me
My heart longs for you
You said you love me only like six days ago
You wouldn’t be with someone new right? I’m over thinking this stuff
I want to check with you… ask you if you meant it but I don’t think it’s a good idea
You have so much going on in your life
The last thing I want to do is stress you out more
My mom made a fair point
You don’t usually do things just because
You think things through
I mean you say you are inactive but you still went out of your way to reach out to me
For my own sanity I’m going to try to believe you
Believe that you still love me
I wish we could talk
But you don’t answer
So I think it’s better if I wait for you to reach out again
I hope that isn’t another 20 days please
I want to cry and I’m not even fully sure why
It sucks
And I just want you back
I think I’m going to hold off till Christmas… I wish you a merry Christmas sense in June you told me it was time to start getting ready for Christmas
You told me that on my birthday
We then sung and looked at Christmas songs on my June birthday
You also sing me Burger King advertisement songs
That made my laugh
You still sounded beautiful singing it even though it was meant to be funny
That was a good birthday
We didn’t call your birthday
You were busy
I wish we did but I still sung you happy birthday if I remember right
You stayed up all night to make sure you were the first person to wish me happy birthday
12:40 I just went back
That was a good day
The best birthday I had in a while
Why am I thinking about this? At least I’m not crying while thinking about it
I hope I get the chance to celebrate my birthday with you again
I hope we talk more by the time I graduate
I thought about trying to convince my parents to help me be able to fly you up here for it
It would have probably never happened even if we were still together just because life and stuff
But I thought about it a lot
I hope I can tell you about my graduation and send you pictures and stuff
Maybe call you in my hat and gown
I hope I get to dance with you one day still
Even just as friends
I promised you we would dance together so I would like to keep that
I really miss being cheesy with you
The stupid pickup lines that we would go back forth with
I l remember on October 10th you said are you today’s date because you are a 10/10
I laughed so much, even told my friends because I thought it was very cute
Being with you was great
Yeah it had its ups and downs but that what happens
Everything has ups and downs
It was still amazing
I hope I get to have that back one day
I really do love you
You’re still everything to me
Okay now I’m making myself sad
I love you
I’m quite tired this morning
3 days sense I last texted you… i don’t know what the right thing to do is
I feel like I’m leaving you hanging for to long
But you don’t even answer
I don’t Even know if you read them
I have no clue if you know I’m texting you
I just really miss my favorite person
I really miss you
I thought with my winter break and Christmas would have hung out
Well I thought that when we were still together and life wasn’t so crazy I suppose
It hurts a lot to not have the person you think about almost 24/7
Not even be able to talk to that person
I’ve never felt this way about someone you know… it felt like magic when it felt like a good thing
Now it feels just not great I guess
I love you
I miss you
I hope you come back into my life again
Preferably soon but I will take later over not at all
I feel very anxious about tomorrow
Texting you tomorrow about the holidays
Ahhh
I’m really anxious
I love you more then anything
I want to talk to you again but I don’t want to push you
I’m really glad my Christmas wish came true
Maybe I should tell you that
I wish I could help people better
But I always feel so far away from the people I want to help
I always feel like I can’t do enough
I would never want people to stop asking me for help
But I just wish I was able to do more for them
I’m scared of messing up
Sense you still love me I don’t want to mess that up
But I guess I should realize that even after two months of not talking to me and you still love me
Probably means that it won’t just go away like a snap of the fingers or whatever that saying is
I’m very nervous about sending you that animation I made… just I don’t know
I’m so worried of bothering you
I love you so very much
I never want to lose you
I know you aren’t fully back yet but you love me and talk to me when you feel up to it
I’m so fucking glad you are okay
I love you so much
It’s hard to not text you but I think right now it’s the best to do
I don’t want to risk stressing you out
I think you know you can always reach out
I miss you
I just want to hear your voice but like a recent one not one of the old ones I have
I got it fixed :)
You texted me today
About the little Christmas drawing I sent you
It makes me happy I got to talk to you again
Should I text you this morning
I really don’t know what the right move is
I don’t want to overwhelm you in anyway
I wonder if you know how much I truly love you
How happy seeing a message from you makes me feel
Even though it makes me a little anxious right now it definitely make me more happy then anxious
I’m glad you still love me
Even if we can’t be together right now
Because I still love you too
I sent you an audio message because I wanted to say I love you out loud
I hope I didn’t push my luck or send it to early and make you uncomfortable
I feel like I did the right thing
I wish I didn’t stress so much
I miss you
But I’m really really really grateful for everything
Talking to you on Christmas
You still loving me
And confirming it
You like the drawing I made you
The heart you sent
I’m going to say you are back
Like in my life
Because it makes me happy and I feel like you are
I miss you
I love you a lot too
I wish we could of talked today but I also know that you got a lot going on
So I’m not upset
It just makes me miss you and overthink
But I’m glad you still love me
I will bring that up all the time because I have to keep reminding myself that I don’t need to worry about how you feel about me
A new day
I love you
I miss you
But I think I’m going to leave you be for today
Don’t want to push to much
I love you a lot
I’m worried of messing everything up
I Sent you a text because I didn’t like that the last text was an apology
It made me over think so I don’t want to constantly see it
I wish I could tell you about the letter of recommendation I received from my favorite teacher
It was really nice and made me tear up tbh
I really want to tell you
So you can be proud of me
But I’m so scared of messing things up
Or being to much
You never said either those things to me
I just worry
All the time
I want to call and talk to you so badly
I just miss you so much
I’m grateful don’t get me wrong
I’m so grateful for how much we have talked and that you still love me
And that you are okay and safe
So very grateful
I just miss you so much
You are my favorite person
I just want to be with you
And not feel so far away
I wish I knew what to do
I really want to talk to you and tell you about that letter or recommendation still
I want you to be proud of me
But idk if I should
I feel anxious
I love you
I miss you too
I hope you are okay
I’m really glad you still love me
I hope that stays
I’m really really anxious
What if I have upset you
What if I messed up
I don’t want to mess up
I just want you to be proud of me
And to talk to you
And show you how much you mean to me
I miss you
I hope the next time you say you love me you don’t apologize right after
You don’t need to feel guilty about what happened
You had good reasons that make sense
I know now it was never your intent to hurt me
And i love you too
So I really hope you don’t apologize next time right after you say you love me
I’m tired and don’t feel very great
It makes me miss you a lot
But I’m assuming you got stuff going on
Which I’m not surprised about
I just gotta keep reminding myself it will all be okay and you still love me
We will figure it out
I won’t text you today
I think maybe that’s what I should do
You told me a while ago that if you ever stop answering just stop messaging and wait a bit
Sure that was while we were still dating and you meant like an hour or so
At the time
And I don’t really know what we are right now
Other then two people who are in love with each other but can’t be together because of some stuff you have gone through right now
I mean this time has also helped me realize how to be a better partner too
Like I’ve realized it’s okay to go a little bit without talking to someone if they are busy and stuff
It doesn’t mean it’s over forever
Just because someone got busy for a day
Or life became complicated and needed a break
Not sending you a message every second also doesn’t mean I don’t love you
I need and have realized that
It’s okay to be separate people while being in love
You will still be in my mind when I do other things yes but it’s okay to not do everything together or talk every minute
I’ve realized a lot
I think I could be a lot better boyfriend to you now
If you one day want to try again
I think you do
I mean I don’t think you would have told me multiple times that you love me and send hearts
I also think you wouldn’t have came back
But today I will leave you be
It’s still somewhat hard for me but I think it’s the best to wait for you to reach out or for something to come up that I feel I should message you about
I don’t really know why I’m crying
I just am
I miss you
I wish I could call you and just be not alone
I want to tell you I love you
You have talked to me sense 4 days ago
I Wonder if you read what I send anyways
It makes me a bit sad to think about how many days it has been
I miss you a lot
Forever and always
I remember when you first told me that
I cried
Good tears happy tears
I felt so loved
Then after when I was anxious you would always tell me forever and always
It helped
I still Hope that we can be forever and always
I think of all the bad possibilities
I hate them all
I don’t want any of them to be true
The bad ones at least
New Year’s Eve
I think all the traditions that go with new years are kinda dumb
Like a kiss at midnight and that stuff
I know in truth it’s because I wish I could do all those stupid traditions with you
And right now I suppose that isn’t an option
I miss you a lot
Every day is hard and I try to remind myself that everything will be okay
I mean you still obviously want to talk to me and you still love me
It’s just life is very chaotic right now
It’s hard to remind myself sometimes
Maybe I will text you today
Ask some question about new years or something of that sort
I really wish I could start the new year with you
I love you so much
Please come back
Should I message you
I don’t Even know what to say
Maybe I should ask my friend
She is always good with advice
I wish I knew if you at least saw my messages
I wish we could of spent new years together
I don’t really want to celebrate by myself but I guess I will
This is just great
I’m spending that last day of 2023 crying in my room alone
How festive and wonderful is that
Today is hard
I miss my grandpa
Happy birthday to him
I wish you were here
So I could just be with you
You always made me feel better even if you didn’t know what was wrong or something was going on
I just messed up
Please be okay
I miss you
I love you
Be safe that’s all I could truly ask for
You acted more like yourself in that text yesterday
That makes me happy
It means that you are definitely doing at least a little better
I love you a lot
It means a lot that every time we have talked you had said I love you except once but that was a day after and it was short
You sent a heart though that day
So I feel like it counts
I love you
I know you tell me you love me every time we talk but I’m just so anxious that you don’t or one day won’t
I miss you a lot
I think I have a cold
Should I text you
I don’t want to be annoying
And I don’t really know what to say but I miss you
And I get emotional when I’m sick
I’m scared of messing everything up
I just want you
What if you mean the I love you platonically and I’m stupid for thinking it’s romantic
I think I’m just overthinking it
I miss you
I wish we could talk more but I know you have a lot going on that isn’t easy
I’m not upset with you
I just really miss you and love you
You’re also still my favorite person and I can just feel the dopamine when I talk to you
You changed your profile picture so I’m overthinking
That maybe you ignored my message last night
You probably didn’t
You probably read it and decide not to respond or something like that
I wish you left like reactions to let me know you have at least seen my messages
You also took inactive out of your bio
While that’s really good it also makes me overthink the same thing
One thing I think is absolutely adorable though is that you make sure your background matches your pfp
Every time you change it you make sure
It’s something I find cute
You answered
Why am I anxious today
I feel stupid
You did read the thing I wanted you to read
I hope it didn’t upset you
You seem upset but it could be something else
I wish you said I love you but I’m going to try not to overthink it
You stopped answering and it worries me
What if I made a mistake telling you the I will wait for you
You didn’t seem angry the day I sent it but today you did
Ughh
I hate my brain
I have a headache and a sore throat on top of my anxiety
Should I text you today?
I don’t know tbh
I will think more about it later I guess
Should I text you
I don’t Even know what is the right thing is
I just know i love you
Maybe just saying hi or something
I’ll just send hey
And then not text you for a couple days I guess
Well I sent hey
I guess I can only hope for the best
I’m just worried that you one day won’t be in my life permanently
And I’m scared of being the reason that happens
You are all I can think about
I miss you so much
I know we talked a little yesterday but you were so blunt
You just seemed upset or angry about something
I love you
I don’t want to ever stop loving you
I don’t want you to ever stop loving me
I want to tell you I love you :/
But I’m scared to do so
I love you more then anything
We didn’t talk today
But that doesn’t mean anything right?
I miss you
I love you
I feel so just off because of not feeling well
I really wish we could talk today
You always helped me feel better even when you weren’t trying and just being yourself
I miss you a lot
I hope you still love me
I just wish you were here to tell me those kind things and right words you always say
I want to tell you I love you right now
You went on and changed your profile picture…
Which means you just ignored what I said
Did I mess up?
Maybe I should have never told you I would wait for you
Maybe that upset you
Should I just give up?
I don’t want to give up
I love you
I don’t want to live a life without you
Please don’t be gone forever
You are all I can think about
I will wait for you
I don’t believe you are doing this as a way to harm me but a way to keep yourself feeling better
Please still love me
I probably shouldn’t message you today
Sense you seem like you aren’t up for talking anymore right now
I Hope this isn’t permanent
I just want you
I want my person
I feel so crappy because of this cold
Makes me feel like I can’t breathe because of stupid coughing fits
And then I worry and panic
I really miss you
I don’t know what to do
Do I send another text or wait for you to reach out
I hate the fact that I don’t know what to do
I texted you
I don’t think you are going to answer
But I want you to know I care
And I want to be able to say hey at least I tried and not hold regret
Maybe you don’t want me…
Maybe I read you wrong
And that’s why you aren’t talking to me
Maybe I was told bold saying what I thought… telling you I will wait
You just seemed so blunt and bothered when I asked about if you had seen it
So maybe I have this whole thing wrong and I just messed up my chance to have you in my life
5 days sense you last talked to me
I just don’t know what to do
I want to wait for you but what if that’s not what you want
I love you still
Please come back
I also really feel like I should apologize to you but I’m not sure if I should because I really didn’t do anything wrong I just feel like I upset you but I don’t actually know if I did
I miss you
I hope you don’t hate me now
I just looked at when you told me you loved me for the first time
I was so obviously and didn’t know you were talking about me
I remember getting so sick to my stomach when you said you were in love with some guy
That guy was me
That was some of the best news I had ever gotten in my life
I miss you
I still love you so much
I hope you still love me a lot
I miss you
Still nothing from you
I miss you
You were talking to me so much… and now you have just disappeared again
Did you fall out of love this time
I really hope you didn’t
I don’t want to not have you in my life
💜
I love you so much…
I miss you
Today was a bad day
These two kids mocked everything I said for no reason
It reminded me why I never talk in all but two classes
It’s been 7 days sense we last talked
It hurts
Everything hurts
I really just wish you were here with me
I don’t really feel like trying to do anything anymore
I decide to text you
In the hopes you answer and maybe that can improve my day
I love you
I Hope you aren’t gone like my anxiety tells me you are
I miss you
I haven’t stopped loving you in the past 3 months
Please don’t be gone
Please come back
Please
I really miss you
Please be okay and safe
That’s just came to my mind and it scares me a lot
I miss you so much
I just want you here
Please
Come back
I miss you
I just want my favorite person
I feel like I should let you know that I’m here for you
But I’m also scared to text you
I know getting a lot of texts can be a trigger for you and I don’t want to make anything worse
But I also know realistically you meant in like an hour not a couple days
I just don’t really know what’s right
I want to be there for you
I want you in my life
I love you
I want you to know these things if you don’t already
I Sent a text to you
Silenced it just in case
I really don’t want to make you upset
Please i don’t want it to get to ten days again
I don’t want to be alone anymore
I miss everyone
I miss you
I miss the people I use to be friends with that just stopped talking to me
I miss my grandma and grandpa
I miss everyone
I don’t want be alone anymore
I miss feeling Like i knew who i was
I don’t feel like myself anymore
I wish I could tell you I’ve been accepted into one of the schools I sent application to
With a scholarship
I really want to tell you that
I want you to be proud of me
I would do anything to have you back
I miss you
I really didn’t want it to get to 10 days but it’s going to go past it isn’t it…
I’ve never loved anyone like I love you
I just want my favorite person
I really miss you
It’s hard without you
Please don’t be gone
12 sense you last said you love me
Please come back
Thank you for making me realize I don’t need to be scared of love
I can feel the anxiety in my chest
But I still love you
Did you really mean it when you said you love me
Why
Why did you leave
Please come back
Please
It hurts
I’m still going to wait for you
I want to have hope for us
But I will work on me
I don’t want to give up on you because when I was scared of loving you and said I needed time because AP testing (I’m sorry for lying it just sounds really bad and I didn’t want to lose you) you waited for me
You wanted to wait
You ignored people’s advances to wait for me
You could of had other people but you didn’t
So I will try my best to do the same for you
13 days sense you said you love me… please still love me
I dont want to give up on you
You aren’t coming back… are you
I want you to come back still
I still love you
12 days…
I miss you so much
I miss you… please come back
I would do anything
Why did you leave again
Why did you say you love me to just leave me again
I so badly wanted you to be at my graduation…
Or at least get to tell you about it
But now it doesn’t look like life is going my way
I would have never thought at 17 that I would be rapped in the dinosaur blanket my grandfather got me when I was 3…. Crying my eyes out, listening to sad songs. Hoping the person I love more then anything would come back…the person I thought I would spend maybe my life with…
I go all in… what can I say
I miss you…
Please come back
I would do anything
That’s all I want
I just want you
I want my favorite person please
I miss you a lot
You are gone aren’t you…
I hate it
Come back please
I still love you
Please come back one day
Because I don’t want someone better… I want you to be better for me and me to be better for you
I miss you
You are still my favorite person
I love you
But I will try to be happy
For me
Did you plan to leave again…
Was that the whole idea?
Get my hopes up and crush them all over again
I know it’s not but I can’t help but wonder
Because you said you love me almost every time we talked and then you left all over again
That hurts
That doesn’t make me feel like you love me
But maybe you don’t mean to hurt me… I mean from what I know about bpd they tend to leave
I should just accept that the person I love is gone…
I don’t want to
I want to believe that you will come back
We are meant for each other
But I shouldn’t have false hope
You will always be my favorite chapter of my book
My favorite book
Cause I could write a whole book… a chapter wouldn’t be able to describe you in the way I would want
I miss you
But I’m going to do one good thing each day at the end of the day
And say it here
I don’t feel like I can do this anymore
I hate everyday without you
I love you
Why did you leave?
I miss you
Good thing of today is I talked to my therapist and she told me I should say goodbye to you. But I came up with an idea that allows me to wait for you and be happy
I’m going to actually work to be happy
Maybe you said goodbye to me…. And I will accept that eventually
But for now I will continue to wait but also work on me, work on improving my mental health
I will always love you. I know that. But I want to be happy
I still love you
I hope you know I still love you
And will never give up on you
I know you need someone who will never give up on you and i promised you I would be that
I miss you
Maybe everyone is right… maybe I can’t be happy while still waiting here for you
But I can’t give up on you
I want to be happy
I want to be happy with leaving you in the past completely
But I feel like you might have left me in the past
I hope you didn’t but what do I know
One day I will learn to accept the fact you are gone
And probably never coming back
I wish I could ask you to promise me that you will come back one day. Just for a conversation… that can be it
The last I love you was 18 days ago…
I want my favorite person
Maybe in another life I get to be with you
Today I learned what love really is
And that’s just wanting that person to be happy no matter what
I still miss you and it still hurts so much
I miss you a lot
You are still my favorite person
I guess I need to accept I will most likely never talk to you again
Realizing someone who you thought would always be in your life isn’t going to be is very painful
I thought we were going to do so much stuff in the future
I thought she would get to see me graduate
You won’t… you won’t see me graduate
I guess I won the I love you more because I still love you
I hope there is a life or world out there where we are able to be together forever…
I just read an old text where you told me you planned to spend the rest of your life with me
That hurts
Like a punch to the gut because that’s all I could ever want
And it won’t happen
I was kind of scared of it at the time but I wish I had said me too
Even though you are gone you are still the reason I truly get out of bed in the morning. The reason I go to school. The reason I still fight everyday. I never thought someone would affect me like that… but you did
You are all I think about
That is very hard
But I will move on and live life
I suppose that is what you would want me to do
I really wanted you to be the one
I still do…
But I know it’s unrealistic to want that now
I wish I could walk away as easily as you do…
You don’t seem to even think back to me but I think about you all day
I just want my favorite person back
I’m hugging the stuff animal that reminds me of you
I really miss you
I miss you so much
I still want to wait for you but I also am 99% sure you aren’t coming back
I miss you a lot
I really wish you didn’t leave
I think about you all the time.. it suck
Maybe I just need to accept it and move on
Just say it’s done and you will never come back
Finalize everything…but I don’t want to
I still love you
I’m very grateful for my friend who has helped through everything I’ve been going through
I still miss you yes but I feel like I have some always there ready to say that I can do this. I can get to tomorrow
You really are gone
Just be happy… that’s all I ask
I will try to be happy too
Goodbye to you and us and the dreams we wanted
I miss you still
But I’m really trying to accept that you and I aren’t meant to be
It’s something I don’t want to do and never thought I would have to do
It sucks
And hurts
I still love you…
I still just want you
I still fear I will always love
I love you
But I will be okay
I do really miss you truly
But I know that at the very least we can’t be together right now
I think I will always love you in some way
I reached out to a close friend I accidentally pushed away after you broke up with me
I didn’t mean to
But I did
It was nice to talk to him even with the short conversation
I miss you still
It really hurts
You are still all I can think about…
I miss you
I love you so much still
It hurts to go through everyday without you
Just watching the number grow on the last time we talked
It’s been 22 days
Going to be a month in no time
I wish accepting it can’t be us and saying goodbye to you in my own way made it hurt less
I miss you so much
I still miss
You
And I still love you
And I stalk really want you back with me
It’s hard
And hurts
I want to text you so badly
I just want you
I don’t want to live my life without you
It hard very hard
I hate it
I hate being with out you
I’m really trying to be okay
I know all I do is complain here but I really don’t have anywhere to go and just get these types of thoughts out
You still mean so much to me
I still want to be with you
I still want to grow old with you
I want you still
I never really believed or understood what people meant when they said it felt like a piece of them was missing
I now understand more then ever
I feel like a piece of me is missing without you
It’s strange
I miss you so much
I still love you so very much
It hurts without you
I want to text you
I just want you
I wish I could call you
Why do I still want to wait for you?
Why don’t you just block me if you really don’t want to talk to me or have me in your life
I just saw a thing that said even if relationships don’t last forever that doesn’t mean they weren’t good or successful
And while it was talking about dating and stuff I want to also take it as with friendships
So A, J, L, and V… just because you left and it’s over… I still think our relationship was successful. I hope you feel the same way. I look back and see so many good moments. I wish it could have lasted so much longer especially you V. One thing that I don’t like is the fact I never got to say goodbye.
Even with me wishing it feels successful it really doesn’t
I don’t feel like I can do this anymore
Why do I have to love someone who has forgotten about me?
Or at least it feels like you have
You promised you wouldn’t leave me
It hurts so much
I hate being here without you
I really wanted you to be the one
Why don’t things work out in my favor ever
I want to be worth fighting for
I don’t want it to get to a month sense I last talked to you
I hate every second of this
I just want my favorite person
Why are you still my favorite person
I do miss you today
But I’ve been busy
It’s the start of the new semester
I hate lunch
I can’t help but think about you
I miss you so much
I wish you were here
I wish you never left
I wanted you to be the one
I thought you were perfect for me
I really wish I could call you
I wish I could go back in time
I wish I could of had you in my life longer
I don’t know how to stop loving you
My love for you doesn’t feel like it has lessened a bit
Other things have like trust and belief you will come back
But the love I have for you hasn’t gone away at all
Why haven’t I stopped loving you when it feels like you have stopped loving me
Maybe I do have a fighting chance to be happy
I miss you
I still want to wait for you but that is probably a bad idea
It’s late I’m going to try not to think about that I need sleep
I really want to cry
I miss you more than anything
I hate that in no time it will be a month all over again
I hate that I can’t seem to move on
I still love you with all my heart
I just want you
I don’t want anyone else
But things aren’t going my way
And I want to give up and never try again
I hate this
I want to cry
I really want to text you
I don’t want it to get to a month again
I just want to be happy
Please come back in my life one day even just as friends
You texted me today
About me telling you to be happy
You said you’re trying and you thanked me
I said I’m glad because it felt like the right thing to do
I’m happy you are trying to be happy
And I see now that you probably left the second time to work on yourself and try to be happy
I want to text you again
Remind you that I’m here if you need me
By I shouldn’t
I miss you
I had a bit of a panic attack over something really dumb
About your status being about wanting someone to hold your hand
But I just had to remind myself you are allowed to live your life
And I need to live mine
I feel like I’m going to cry
I still love you….