Sam’s (itissamm) journal of random writings | Huddle | Page 2

wanton nacelle Dec 19, 2023, 8:34 PM

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I’m going to message you. Just to let you know that I won’t constantly message you because I don’t want to be to much.

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No… I don’t like that message

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It seems to harsh

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I can’t give up on you

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I’m okay

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I mean when it comes to you I should be happy

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Because the person I love so much is safe and okay

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And they also still love me

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Even if you aren’t ready to fully let me back in because I know you have a lot going on

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I will wait and be here for you

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Because you did that for me in the beginning

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Because we still love each other

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There is almost nothing I’ve been more certain on then my love for you

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Everyone is telling me not to reach out but my gut feeling is to do so

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What do I follow?

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I have no clue

wanton nacelle Dec 19, 2023, 11:24 PM

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I sent it

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Now I’m scared

wanton nacelle Dec 20, 2023, 4:11 PM

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I miss you

wanton nacelle Dec 20, 2023, 4:39 PM

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Still no new texts

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But you love me still

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And you are okay

wanton nacelle Dec 20, 2023, 5:31 PM

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I’ll wait for you

wanton nacelle Dec 20, 2023, 6:50 PM

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I love you

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I also miss you but I know there is a lot going on in your life right now

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So I’m not upset with no answer

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Maybe a little bummed out but not upset

wanton nacelle Dec 20, 2023, 8:33 PM

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I miss you a lot right now

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I’m confused about everything

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And i still just want to message you

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I feel like breaking down

wanton nacelle Dec 20, 2023, 11:04 PM

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I miss you so much

wanton nacelle Dec 20, 2023, 11:28 PM

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I love you too

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I hate that I haven’t texted you today but maybe it’s a better idea

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I don’t know

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It hurts

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To feel like I’m leaving you to struggle alone

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I just want to know what is the right thing

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You mean the world to me

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It breaks my heart that there is pretty much nothing I can do to help you right now

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I love you so much

wanton nacelle Dec 21, 2023, 1:42 AM

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I’m to scared of making the wrong choice i can’t even follow my gut instinct

wanton nacelle Dec 21, 2023, 1:44 PM

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Still nothing from you

wanton nacelle Dec 21, 2023, 4:10 PM

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That message i just send will be the last for a while

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Because I don’t think i have enough words to fully describe it anymore

wanton nacelle Dec 21, 2023, 4:11 PM

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wanton nacelle That message i just send will be the last for a while

To you that is

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I told you my truth like my therapist said. I did what i think is good for me.

wanton nacelle Dec 21, 2023, 6:48 PM

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I miss you

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I’m scared you will be gone forever

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I Wonder if you read the messages I send

wanton nacelle Dec 21, 2023, 10:16 PM

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I miss you a lot

wanton nacelle Dec 21, 2023, 11:07 PM

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How am I supposed to go anywhere in art if I feel like I can’t make good art

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I hate it

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I’m confused and lonely feeling

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I don’t want to go and eat dinner with my family either

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But I don’t know

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My mom wants me to

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But I just can’t get myself to go

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I feel just so eh

wanton nacelle Dec 21, 2023, 11:33 PM

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I have to get better so I can be there for you better

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You still love me so it’s all worth it

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I love you too

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I just found something that is helpful to me

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Hugging that plush cat that reminds me of you for whatever reason other then one day I told you I was going to pretend it was you so it felt like you were there with me

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But I hid it in a drawer for what I thought would help me feel better

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But maybe feeling like you are here with me again is a good thing

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I miss you

wanton nacelle Dec 22, 2023, 1:17 AM

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You wouldn’t love me now

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My hair cut makes me look ugly

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And not like a guy

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It doesn’t fit my face right and just even though it’s quite short it makes me face look more feminine

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I miss my hair

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From before

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But it was all dead ends pretty much

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But so much was cut off and now I look dumb and ugly and bad

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I hate it

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And I hate dysphoria

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And I hate going through it all alone

wanton nacelle Dec 22, 2023, 2:18 PM

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I miss you a lot

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I Hope you are okay

wanton nacelle Dec 22, 2023, 3:52 PM

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Please come back

wanton nacelle Dec 22, 2023, 4:56 PM

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I miss you so much

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I’m really lonely right now

wanton nacelle Dec 22, 2023, 8:00 PM

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I want to do the call thing

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Where we just sit on a call and don’t do really anything

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Sometimes I’m alone on the calls because you were busy so you just text me while I draw pictures and stuff

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But other times you join off and on

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I felt a lot less lonely then

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I guess it was probably also because I had more then two friends that I talked to outside of school during most of our relationship

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But even though you still love me (or you say you do) it feels weird to ask you if I can do the call thing

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Not just because we aren’t together but because you are having a hard time

wanton nacelle Dec 22, 2023, 9:45 PM

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Miss you

wanton nacelle Dec 22, 2023, 10:02 PM

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You don’t know how happy and grateful for the fact you sent me the text “I love you, Sam.”

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I hate that life has been unfair to you… but you are safe

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Or at least that’s what you said a couple days ago

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I haven’t heard from you sense but I will wait

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Because I love you too

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It’s something I’m willing to wait and fight for

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Just don’t leave forever please

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That’s all I ask

wanton nacelle Dec 23, 2023, 4:08 PM

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I miss you

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Just another day

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I will message you on Christmas

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I think about you all the time

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Sometimes I just stare at the text you sent where you said you love me

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My heart longs for you

wanton nacelle Dec 23, 2023, 4:43 PM

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You said you love me only like six days ago

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You wouldn’t be with someone new right? I’m over thinking this stuff

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I want to check with you… ask you if you meant it but I don’t think it’s a good idea

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You have so much going on in your life

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The last thing I want to do is stress you out more

wanton nacelle Dec 23, 2023, 6:41 PM

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My mom made a fair point

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You don’t usually do things just because

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You think things through

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I mean you say you are inactive but you still went out of your way to reach out to me

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For my own sanity I’m going to try to believe you

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Believe that you still love me

wanton nacelle Dec 23, 2023, 8:59 PM

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I miss you a lot

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It makes me sad

wanton nacelle Dec 23, 2023, 9:16 PM

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I wish we could talk

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But you don’t answer

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So I think it’s better if I wait for you to reach out again

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I hope that isn’t another 20 days please

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I want to cry and I’m not even fully sure why

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It sucks

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And I just want you back

wanton nacelle Dec 23, 2023, 10:01 PM

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Should I text you?

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6 days sense your last text

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Please come back

wanton nacelle Dec 23, 2023, 11:41 PM

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I think I’m going to hold off till Christmas… I wish you a merry Christmas sense in June you told me it was time to start getting ready for Christmas

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You told me that on my birthday

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We then sung and looked at Christmas songs on my June birthday

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You also sing me Burger King advertisement songs

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That made my laugh

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You still sounded beautiful singing it even though it was meant to be funny

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That was a good birthday

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We didn’t call your birthday

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You were busy

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I wish we did but I still sung you happy birthday if I remember right

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You stayed up all night to make sure you were the first person to wish me happy birthday

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12:40 I just went back

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That was a good day

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The best birthday I had in a while

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Why am I thinking about this? At least I’m not crying while thinking about it

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I hope I get the chance to celebrate my birthday with you again

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I hope we talk more by the time I graduate

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I thought about trying to convince my parents to help me be able to fly you up here for it

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It would have probably never happened even if we were still together just because life and stuff

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But I thought about it a lot

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I hope I can tell you about my graduation and send you pictures and stuff

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Maybe call you in my hat and gown

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I hope I get to dance with you one day still

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Even just as friends

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I promised you we would dance together so I would like to keep that

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I really miss being cheesy with you

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The stupid pickup lines that we would go back forth with

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I l remember on October 10th you said are you today’s date because you are a 10/10

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I laughed so much, even told my friends because I thought it was very cute

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Being with you was great

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Yeah it had its ups and downs but that what happens

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Everything has ups and downs

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It was still amazing

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I hope I get to have that back one day

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I really do love you

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You’re still everything to me

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Okay now I’m making myself sad

wanton nacelle Dec 24, 2023, 12:59 AM

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I love you

wanton nacelle Dec 24, 2023, 12:24 PM

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I’m quite tired this morning

wanton nacelle Dec 24, 2023, 2:49 PM

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And I miss you still

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Which isn’t a surprise

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I miss you a lot

wanton nacelle Dec 24, 2023, 3:33 PM

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I will wait for you my dear

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It’s hard to wait but i will because it’s for you

wanton nacelle Dec 24, 2023, 6:11 PM

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3 days sense I last texted you… i don’t know what the right thing to do is

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I feel like I’m leaving you hanging for to long

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But you don’t even answer

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I don’t Even know if you read them

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I have no clue if you know I’m texting you

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I just really miss my favorite person

wanton nacelle Dec 24, 2023, 6:49 PM

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I’ll wait till tomorrow to text you

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I really do miss you though

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I love you

wanton nacelle Dec 24, 2023, 9:40 PM

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I really miss you

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I thought with my winter break and Christmas would have hung out

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Well I thought that when we were still together and life wasn’t so crazy I suppose

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It hurts a lot to not have the person you think about almost 24/7

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Not even be able to talk to that person

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I’ve never felt this way about someone you know… it felt like magic when it felt like a good thing

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Now it feels just not great I guess

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I love you

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I miss you

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I hope you come back into my life again

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Preferably soon but I will take later over not at all

wanton nacelle Dec 24, 2023, 11:55 PM

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I feel very anxious about tomorrow

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Texting you tomorrow about the holidays

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Ahhh

wanton nacelle Dec 25, 2023, 12:43 AM

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I’m really anxious

wanton nacelle Dec 25, 2023, 2:27 PM

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You answered

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I don’t know how to feel about anything

wanton nacelle Dec 25, 2023, 2:51 PM

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I love you more then anything

wanton nacelle Dec 25, 2023, 7:28 PM

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I’m glad we talked today

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I wish it was longer but I’m still glad

wanton nacelle Dec 25, 2023, 8:10 PM

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I want to talk to you again but I don’t want to push you

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I’m really glad my Christmas wish came true

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Maybe I should tell you that

wanton nacelle Dec 25, 2023, 8:39 PM

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I wish I could help people better

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But I always feel so far away from the people I want to help

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I always feel like I can’t do enough

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I would never want people to stop asking me for help

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But I just wish I was able to do more for them

wanton nacelle Dec 25, 2023, 10:26 PM

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I’m scared of messing up

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Sense you still love me I don’t want to mess that up

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But I guess I should realize that even after two months of not talking to me and you still love me

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Probably means that it won’t just go away like a snap of the fingers or whatever that saying is

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I’m very nervous about sending you that animation I made… just I don’t know

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I’m so worried of bothering you

wanton nacelle Dec 26, 2023, 12:54 AM

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I love you so very much

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I never want to lose you

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I know you aren’t fully back yet but you love me and talk to me when you feel up to it

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I’m so fucking glad you are okay

wanton nacelle Dec 26, 2023, 3:00 PM

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I love you so much

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It’s hard to not text you but I think right now it’s the best to do

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I don’t want to risk stressing you out

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I think you know you can always reach out

wanton nacelle Dec 26, 2023, 6:15 PM

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I miss you

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I just want to hear your voice but like a recent one not one of the old ones I have

wanton nacelle Dec 26, 2023, 8:24 PM

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I wish I did more today

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But I’ve been trying to fix my stupid computer all day

wanton nacelle Dec 26, 2023, 9:29 PM

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I got it fixed :)

wanton nacelle Dec 27, 2023, 1:01 AM

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I love you

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I want to text you but I’m going to wait a couple days

wanton nacelle Dec 27, 2023, 2:23 AM

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You texted me today

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About the little Christmas drawing I sent you

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It makes me happy I got to talk to you again

wanton nacelle Dec 27, 2023, 2:08 PM

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Should I text you this morning

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I really don’t know what the right move is

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I don’t want to overwhelm you in anyway

wanton nacelle Dec 27, 2023, 4:15 PM

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I wonder if you know how much I truly love you

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How happy seeing a message from you makes me feel

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Even though it makes me a little anxious right now it definitely make me more happy then anxious

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I’m glad you still love me

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Even if we can’t be together right now

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Because I still love you too

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I sent you an audio message because I wanted to say I love you out loud

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I hope I didn’t push my luck or send it to early and make you uncomfortable

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I feel like I did the right thing

wanton nacelle Dec 27, 2023, 5:53 PM

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I wish I didn’t stress so much

wanton nacelle Dec 27, 2023, 7:29 PM

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My anxiety is heighten

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I can feel it in my body

wanton nacelle Dec 27, 2023, 8:09 PM

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I miss you

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But I’m really really really grateful for everything

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Talking to you on Christmas

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You still loving me

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And confirming it

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You like the drawing I made you

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The heart you sent

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I’m going to say you are back

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Like in my life

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Because it makes me happy and I feel like you are

wanton nacelle Dec 28, 2023, 1:49 AM

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I miss you

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I love you a lot too

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I wish we could of talked today but I also know that you got a lot going on

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So I’m not upset

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It just makes me miss you and overthink

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But I’m glad you still love me

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I will bring that up all the time because I have to keep reminding myself that I don’t need to worry about how you feel about me

wanton nacelle Dec 28, 2023, 2:12 PM

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A new day

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I love you

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I miss you

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But I think I’m going to leave you be for today

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Don’t want to push to much

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I love you a lot

wanton nacelle Dec 28, 2023, 4:18 PM

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I’m worried of messing everything up

wanton nacelle Dec 28, 2023, 6:21 PM

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I Sent you a text because I didn’t like that the last text was an apology

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It made me over think so I don’t want to constantly see it

wanton nacelle Dec 28, 2023, 8:53 PM

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I wish I could tell you about the letter of recommendation I received from my favorite teacher

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It was really nice and made me tear up tbh

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I really want to tell you

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So you can be proud of me

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But I’m so scared of messing things up

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Or being to much

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You never said either those things to me

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I just worry

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All the time

wanton nacelle Dec 28, 2023, 10:28 PM

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I want to call and talk to you so badly

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I just miss you so much

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I’m grateful don’t get me wrong

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I’m so grateful for how much we have talked and that you still love me

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And that you are okay and safe

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So very grateful

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I just miss you so much

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You are my favorite person

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I just want to be with you

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And not feel so far away

wanton nacelle Dec 29, 2023, 4:48 PM

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I wish I knew what to do

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I really want to talk to you and tell you about that letter or recommendation still

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I want you to be proud of me

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But idk if I should

wanton nacelle Dec 29, 2023, 6:16 PM

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I sent it

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I hope I didn’t make a mistake

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I’m scared of losing you

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Fully

wanton nacelle Dec 29, 2023, 8:07 PM

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I feel anxious

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I love you

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I miss you too

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I hope you are okay

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I’m really glad you still love me

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I hope that stays

wanton nacelle Dec 29, 2023, 11:28 PM

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I’m really really anxious

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What if I have upset you

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What if I messed up

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I don’t want to mess up

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I just want you to be proud of me

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And to talk to you

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And show you how much you mean to me

wanton nacelle Dec 30, 2023, 1:13 AM

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I miss you

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I hope the next time you say you love me you don’t apologize right after

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You don’t need to feel guilty about what happened

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You had good reasons that make sense

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I know now it was never your intent to hurt me

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And i love you too

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So I really hope you don’t apologize next time right after you say you love me

wanton nacelle Dec 30, 2023, 4:32 PM

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I’m tired and don’t feel very great

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It makes me miss you a lot

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But I’m assuming you got stuff going on

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Which I’m not surprised about

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I just gotta keep reminding myself it will all be okay and you still love me

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We will figure it out

wanton nacelle Dec 30, 2023, 5:22 PM

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I love you

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You are my favorite person

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<3

wanton nacelle Dec 30, 2023, 6:01 PM

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The day has gone by so fast :/

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I want it to stop and slow down

wanton nacelle Dec 30, 2023, 6:28 PM

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I won’t text you today

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I think maybe that’s what I should do

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You told me a while ago that if you ever stop answering just stop messaging and wait a bit

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Sure that was while we were still dating and you meant like an hour or so

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At the time

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And I don’t really know what we are right now

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Other then two people who are in love with each other but can’t be together because of some stuff you have gone through right now

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I mean this time has also helped me realize how to be a better partner too

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Like I’ve realized it’s okay to go a little bit without talking to someone if they are busy and stuff

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It doesn’t mean it’s over forever

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Just because someone got busy for a day

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Or life became complicated and needed a break

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Not sending you a message every second also doesn’t mean I don’t love you

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I need and have realized that

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It’s okay to be separate people while being in love

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You will still be in my mind when I do other things yes but it’s okay to not do everything together or talk every minute

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I’ve realized a lot

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I think I could be a lot better boyfriend to you now

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If you one day want to try again

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I think you do

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I mean I don’t think you would have told me multiple times that you love me and send hearts

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I also think you wouldn’t have came back

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But today I will leave you be

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It’s still somewhat hard for me but I think it’s the best to wait for you to reach out or for something to come up that I feel I should message you about

wanton nacelle Dec 30, 2023, 8:00 PM

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I don’t really know why I’m crying

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I just am

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I miss you

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I wish I could call you and just be not alone

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I want to tell you I love you

wanton nacelle Dec 30, 2023, 9:27 PM

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You have talked to me sense 4 days ago

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I Wonder if you read what I send anyways

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It makes me a bit sad to think about how many days it has been

wanton nacelle Dec 30, 2023, 10:38 PM

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I miss you a lot

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Forever and always

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I remember when you first told me that

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I cried

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Good tears happy tears

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I felt so loved

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Then after when I was anxious you would always tell me forever and always

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It helped

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I still Hope that we can be forever and always

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I think of all the bad possibilities

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I hate them all

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I don’t want any of them to be true

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The bad ones at least

wanton nacelle Dec 31, 2023, 3:00 PM

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New Year’s Eve

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I think all the traditions that go with new years are kinda dumb

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Like a kiss at midnight and that stuff

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I know in truth it’s because I wish I could do all those stupid traditions with you

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And right now I suppose that isn’t an option

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I miss you a lot

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Every day is hard and I try to remind myself that everything will be okay

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I mean you still obviously want to talk to me and you still love me

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It’s just life is very chaotic right now

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It’s hard to remind myself sometimes

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Maybe I will text you today

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Ask some question about new years or something of that sort

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I really wish I could start the new year with you

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I love you so much

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Please come back

wanton nacelle Dec 31, 2023, 6:07 PM

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Should I message you

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I don’t Even know what to say

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Maybe I should ask my friend

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She is always good with advice

wanton nacelle Dec 31, 2023, 8:01 PM

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It’s been an hour sense I messaged you with no answer

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:(

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I miss you

wanton nacelle Dec 31, 2023, 8:45 PM

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I wish I knew if you at least saw my messages

wanton nacelle Dec 31, 2023, 11:02 PM

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I wish we could of spent new years together

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I don’t really want to celebrate by myself but I guess I will

wanton nacelle Jan 1, 2024, 1:11 AM

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This is just great

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I’m spending that last day of 2023 crying in my room alone

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How festive and wonderful is that

wanton nacelle Jan 1, 2024, 4:46 AM

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I’m going into 2024 all alone

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I hate it

wanton nacelle Jan 1, 2024, 4:36 PM

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I miss you

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I really want to talk to you

wanton nacelle Jan 1, 2024, 6:34 PM

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Today is hard

wanton nacelle Jan 1, 2024, 7:57 PM

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I miss my grandpa

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Happy birthday to him

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I wish you were here

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So I could just be with you

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You always made me feel better even if you didn’t know what was wrong or something was going on

wanton nacelle Jan 1, 2024, 8:52 PM

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I miss you a lot

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I love you

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I Hope Everything is okay

wanton nacelle Jan 1, 2024, 10:40 PM

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I just messed up

wanton nacelle Jan 2, 2024, 1:53 AM

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Please be okay

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I miss you

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I love you

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Be safe that’s all I could truly ask for

wanton nacelle Jan 2, 2024, 3:58 AM

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You answered

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I’m glad

wanton nacelle Jan 2, 2024, 7:46 PM

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My head hurts and my stomach hurts

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And my knees they hurt

wanton nacelle Jan 2, 2024, 8:28 PM

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You acted more like yourself in that text yesterday

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That makes me happy

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It means that you are definitely doing at least a little better

wanton nacelle Jan 2, 2024, 10:53 PM

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I love you a lot

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It means a lot that every time we have talked you had said I love you except once but that was a day after and it was short

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You sent a heart though that day

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So I feel like it counts

wanton nacelle Jan 3, 2024, 12:30 PM

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I love you

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I know you tell me you love me every time we talk but I’m just so anxious that you don’t or one day won’t

wanton nacelle Jan 3, 2024, 5:30 PM

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I miss you a lot

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I think I have a cold

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Should I text you

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I don’t want to be annoying

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And I don’t really know what to say but I miss you

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And I get emotional when I’m sick

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I’m scared of messing everything up

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I just want you

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What if you mean the I love you platonically and I’m stupid for thinking it’s romantic

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I think I’m just overthinking it

wanton nacelle Jan 3, 2024, 9:48 PM

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I miss you

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I wish we could talk more but I know you have a lot going on that isn’t easy

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I’m not upset with you

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I just really miss you and love you

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You’re also still my favorite person and I can just feel the dopamine when I talk to you

wanton nacelle Jan 3, 2024, 11:18 PM

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You changed your profile picture so I’m overthinking

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That maybe you ignored my message last night

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You probably didn’t

#

You probably read it and decide not to respond or something like that

#

I wish you left like reactions to let me know you have at least seen my messages

#

You also took inactive out of your bio

#

While that’s really good it also makes me overthink the same thing

#

One thing I think is absolutely adorable though is that you make sure your background matches your pfp

#

Every time you change it you make sure

#

It’s something I find cute

wanton nacelle Jan 4, 2024, 12:12 AM

#

You answered

#

Why am I anxious today

#

I feel stupid

#

You did read the thing I wanted you to read

#

I hope it didn’t upset you

#

You seem upset but it could be something else

#

I wish you said I love you but I’m going to try not to overthink it

wanton nacelle Jan 4, 2024, 12:37 AM

#

I love you

#

I just want to tell you that but I don’t want to be to much

wanton nacelle Jan 4, 2024, 1:28 AM

#

You stopped answering and it worries me

#

What if I made a mistake telling you the I will wait for you

#

You didn’t seem angry the day I sent it but today you did

#

Ughh

#

I hate my brain

#

I have a headache and a sore throat on top of my anxiety

wanton nacelle Jan 4, 2024, 1:41 PM

#

Should I text you today?

#

I don’t know tbh

#

I will think more about it later I guess

wanton nacelle Jan 4, 2024, 7:19 PM

#

Should I text you

#

I don’t Even know what is the right thing is

#

I just know i love you

wanton nacelle Jan 4, 2024, 7:34 PM

#

Maybe just saying hi or something

#

I’ll just send hey

#

And then not text you for a couple days I guess

#

Well I sent hey

#

I guess I can only hope for the best

#

I’m just worried that you one day won’t be in my life permanently

#

And I’m scared of being the reason that happens

wanton nacelle Jan 4, 2024, 8:29 PM

#

You are all I can think about

#

I miss you so much

#

I know we talked a little yesterday but you were so blunt

#

You just seemed upset or angry about something

wanton nacelle Jan 4, 2024, 9:40 PM

#

I love you

wanton nacelle Jan 4, 2024, 9:56 PM

#

I don’t want to ever stop loving you

#

I don’t want you to ever stop loving me

#

I want to tell you I love you :/

#

But I’m scared to do so

wanton nacelle Jan 5, 2024, 1:37 AM

#

I love you more then anything

#

We didn’t talk today

#

But that doesn’t mean anything right?

wanton nacelle Jan 5, 2024, 2:07 PM

#

You never answered yesterday :(

#

I’m home sick today

#

I have a bad cold

wanton nacelle Jan 5, 2024, 2:54 PM

#

I miss you

wanton nacelle Jan 5, 2024, 4:21 PM

#

I love you

#

I feel so just off because of not feeling well

#

I really wish we could talk today

#

You always helped me feel better even when you weren’t trying and just being yourself

wanton nacelle Jan 5, 2024, 6:13 PM

#

I miss you a lot

#

I hope you still love me

#

I just wish you were here to tell me those kind things and right words you always say

wanton nacelle Jan 5, 2024, 8:45 PM

#

I want to tell you I love you right now

wanton nacelle Jan 5, 2024, 9:29 PM

#

You went on and changed your profile picture…

#

Which means you just ignored what I said

#

Did I mess up?

#

Maybe I should have never told you I would wait for you

#

Maybe that upset you

#

Should I just give up?

#

I don’t want to give up

#

I love you

#

I don’t want to live a life without you

wanton nacelle Jan 5, 2024, 10:37 PM

#

Please don’t be gone forever

#

You are all I can think about

#

I will wait for you

#

I don’t believe you are doing this as a way to harm me but a way to keep yourself feeling better

wanton nacelle Jan 6, 2024, 12:01 AM

#

Please still love me

wanton nacelle Jan 6, 2024, 3:51 PM

#

I probably shouldn’t message you today

#

Sense you seem like you aren’t up for talking anymore right now

#

I Hope this isn’t permanent

wanton nacelle Jan 6, 2024, 5:00 PM

#

I miss you

#

I wish you would talk to me

#

I don’t know what happened

wanton nacelle Jan 6, 2024, 5:21 PM

#

I just want you

wanton nacelle Jan 6, 2024, 8:16 PM

#

I miss you a lot

#

I miss my favorite person

wanton nacelle Jan 6, 2024, 10:27 PM

#

I love you

#

I hope we Talk soon

wanton nacelle Jan 6, 2024, 11:42 PM

#

I want my person

#

I feel so crappy because of this cold

#

Makes me feel like I can’t breathe because of stupid coughing fits

#

And then I worry and panic

wanton nacelle Jan 7, 2024, 1:11 PM

#

I really miss you

wanton nacelle Jan 7, 2024, 4:11 PM

#

I don’t know what to do

#

Do I send another text or wait for you to reach out

#

I hate the fact that I don’t know what to do

wanton nacelle Jan 7, 2024, 7:46 PM

#

I texted you

#

I don’t think you are going to answer

#

But I want you to know I care

#

And I want to be able to say hey at least I tried and not hold regret

wanton nacelle Jan 8, 2024, 12:35 AM

#

Maybe you don’t want me…

#

Maybe I read you wrong

#

And that’s why you aren’t talking to me

#

Maybe I was told bold saying what I thought… telling you I will wait

#

You just seemed so blunt and bothered when I asked about if you had seen it

#

So maybe I have this whole thing wrong and I just messed up my chance to have you in my life

wanton nacelle Jan 8, 2024, 7:34 PM

#

5 days sense you last talked to me

#

I just don’t know what to do

#

I want to wait for you but what if that’s not what you want

#

I love you still

#

Please come back

#

I also really feel like I should apologize to you but I’m not sure if I should because I really didn’t do anything wrong I just feel like I upset you but I don’t actually know if I did

#

I miss you

wanton nacelle Jan 8, 2024, 9:08 PM

#

I just want to be your Sam again

#

I miss you so much

wanton nacelle Jan 8, 2024, 9:30 PM

#

I hope you don’t hate me now

#

I just looked at when you told me you loved me for the first time

#

I was so obviously and didn’t know you were talking about me

#

I remember getting so sick to my stomach when you said you were in love with some guy

#

That guy was me

#

That was some of the best news I had ever gotten in my life

#

I miss you

#

I still love you so much

#

I hope you still love me a lot

wanton nacelle Jan 9, 2024, 5:10 PM

#

I miss you

wanton nacelle Jan 9, 2024, 7:36 PM

#

Still nothing from you

#

I miss you

#

You were talking to me so much… and now you have just disappeared again

#

Did you fall out of love this time

#

I really hope you didn’t

#

I don’t want to not have you in my life

#

💜

wanton nacelle Jan 9, 2024, 8:41 PM

#

I love you so much…

wanton nacelle Jan 9, 2024, 9:57 PM

#

It’s been two days sense I texted you

#

I just want to talk to you

wanton nacelle Jan 10, 2024, 7:33 PM

#

I miss you

#

Today was a bad day

#

These two kids mocked everything I said for no reason

#

It reminded me why I never talk in all but two classes

wanton nacelle Jan 10, 2024, 8:03 PM

#

It’s been 7 days sense we last talked

#

It hurts

#

Everything hurts

#

I really just wish you were here with me

#

I don’t really feel like trying to do anything anymore

wanton nacelle Jan 10, 2024, 8:31 PM

#

I decide to text you

#

In the hopes you answer and maybe that can improve my day

#

I love you

#

I Hope you aren’t gone like my anxiety tells me you are

wanton nacelle Jan 10, 2024, 10:02 PM

#

I miss you

#

I haven’t stopped loving you in the past 3 months

#

Please don’t be gone

#

Please come back

#

Please

wanton nacelle Jan 11, 2024, 1:53 AM

#

I really miss you

#

Please be okay and safe

#

That’s just came to my mind and it scares me a lot

wanton nacelle Jan 11, 2024, 12:27 PM

#

I miss you

#

Please be okay and safe

wanton nacelle Jan 11, 2024, 7:35 PM

#

I miss you

#

Please come back

#

It’s been 8 days

#

Don’t be gone again

#

Please

wanton nacelle Jan 11, 2024, 8:29 PM

#

I love you…

#

Please be safe

wanton nacelle Jan 11, 2024, 10:03 PM

#

I just wish you were here with me

#

I really miss you

wanton nacelle Jan 12, 2024, 12:25 AM

#

I miss you so much

#

I just want you here

#

Please

#

Come back

#

I miss you

#

I just want my favorite person

wanton nacelle Jan 12, 2024, 3:28 PM

#

I really just want my favorite person

#

Please

wanton nacelle Jan 12, 2024, 4:48 PM

#

I feel like I should let you know that I’m here for you

#

But I’m also scared to text you

#

I know getting a lot of texts can be a trigger for you and I don’t want to make anything worse

#

But I also know realistically you meant in like an hour not a couple days

#

I just don’t really know what’s right

#

I want to be there for you

#

I want you in my life

#

I love you

#

I want you to know these things if you don’t already

wanton nacelle Jan 12, 2024, 5:14 PM

#

I Sent a text to you

#

Silenced it just in case

#

I really don’t want to make you upset

wanton nacelle Jan 12, 2024, 6:36 PM

#

I love you…

#

I will wait

#

But please be safe

wanton nacelle Jan 12, 2024, 7:53 PM

#

Please come back…

#

I miss you so much

wanton nacelle Jan 12, 2024, 8:39 PM

#

Please i don’t want it to get to ten days again

wanton nacelle Jan 12, 2024, 11:04 PM

#

I don’t want to be alone anymore

#

I miss everyone

#

I miss you

#

I miss the people I use to be friends with that just stopped talking to me

#

I miss my grandma and grandpa

#

I miss everyone

#

I don’t want be alone anymore

#

I miss feeling Like i knew who i was

#

I don’t feel like myself anymore

wanton nacelle Jan 13, 2024, 12:34 AM

#

I wish I could tell you I’ve been accepted into one of the schools I sent application to

#

With a scholarship

#

I really want to tell you that

#

I want you to be proud of me

wanton nacelle Jan 13, 2024, 9:10 AM

#

I would do anything to have you back

wanton nacelle Jan 13, 2024, 3:23 PM

#

10 days…

#

Why?

#

I saw a V in the sky

#

:/

wanton nacelle Jan 13, 2024, 3:53 PM

#

I miss you

wanton nacelle Jan 13, 2024, 4:09 PM

#

I still love you with all my heart

#

Please come back

wanton nacelle Jan 13, 2024, 4:44 PM

#

I really didn’t want it to get to 10 days but it’s going to go past it isn’t it…

#

I’ve never loved anyone like I love you

wanton nacelle Jan 13, 2024, 5:11 PM

#

I just want my favorite person

wanton nacelle Jan 13, 2024, 9:00 PM

#

I really miss you

#

It’s hard without you

#

Please don’t be gone

#

12 sense you last said you love me

#

Please come back

wanton nacelle Jan 13, 2024, 11:54 PM

#

Thank you for making me realize I don’t need to be scared of love

wanton nacelle Jan 14, 2024, 2:31 PM

#

I can feel the anxiety in my chest

wanton nacelle Jan 14, 2024, 3:30 PM

#

You’re gone…

#

You probably have someone else

#

I’m just stupid

wanton nacelle Jan 14, 2024, 4:31 PM

#

But I still love you

#

Did you really mean it when you said you love me

#

Why

#

Why did you leave

#

Please come back

#

Please

wanton nacelle Jan 14, 2024, 4:50 PM

#

Please come back

#

Please

wanton nacelle Jan 14, 2024, 5:10 PM

#

I love you

#

Please

wanton nacelle Jan 14, 2024, 7:17 PM

#

It hurts

#

I’m still going to wait for you

#

I want to have hope for us

#

But I will work on me

#

I don’t want to give up on you because when I was scared of loving you and said I needed time because AP testing (I’m sorry for lying it just sounds really bad and I didn’t want to lose you) you waited for me

#

You wanted to wait

#

You ignored people’s advances to wait for me

#

You could of had other people but you didn’t

#

So I will try my best to do the same for you

wanton nacelle Jan 14, 2024, 8:17 PM

#

I want my favorite person back

#

Please

wanton nacelle Jan 14, 2024, 8:37 PM

#

13 days sense you said you love me… please still love me

wanton nacelle Jan 14, 2024, 9:06 PM

#

I dont want to give up on you

wanton nacelle Jan 14, 2024, 10:36 PM

#

Please come back

#

I miss you so much

#

You gave up on me…didn’t you…

wanton nacelle Jan 15, 2024, 2:22 PM

#

You aren’t coming back… are you

#

I want you to come back still

#

I still love you

#

12 days…

wanton nacelle Jan 15, 2024, 3:07 PM

#

I miss you so much

wanton nacelle Jan 15, 2024, 8:01 PM

#

I miss you… please come back

#

I would do anything

#

Why did you leave again

#

Why did you say you love me to just leave me again

wanton nacelle Jan 15, 2024, 10:08 PM

#

I really want my favorite person

#

Why did you leave

#

Please come back

wanton nacelle Jan 15, 2024, 10:40 PM

#

I so badly wanted you to be at my graduation…

#

Or at least get to tell you about it

#

But now it doesn’t look like life is going my way

#

I would have never thought at 17 that I would be rapped in the dinosaur blanket my grandfather got me when I was 3…. Crying my eyes out, listening to sad songs. Hoping the person I love more then anything would come back…the person I thought I would spend maybe my life with…

#

I go all in… what can I say

wanton nacelle Jan 16, 2024, 1:42 AM

#

I miss you…

#

Please come back

#

I would do anything

#

That’s all I want

#

I just want you

#

I want my favorite person please

wanton nacelle Jan 16, 2024, 7:16 PM

#

I miss you a lot

#

You are gone aren’t you…

#

I hate it

#

Come back please

#

I still love you

wanton nacelle Jan 16, 2024, 7:51 PM

#

Please come back

#

That’s all I want is you in my life

#

Please

wanton nacelle Jan 16, 2024, 8:35 PM

#

Please come back one day

#

Because I don’t want someone better… I want you to be better for me and me to be better for you

wanton nacelle Jan 16, 2024, 9:32 PM

#

I miss you

#

You are still my favorite person

#

I love you

#

But I will try to be happy

#

For me

wanton nacelle Jan 16, 2024, 10:45 PM

#

Did you plan to leave again…

#

Was that the whole idea?

#

Get my hopes up and crush them all over again

#

I know it’s not but I can’t help but wonder

#

Because you said you love me almost every time we talked and then you left all over again

#

That hurts

#

That doesn’t make me feel like you love me

#

But maybe you don’t mean to hurt me… I mean from what I know about bpd they tend to leave

#

I should just accept that the person I love is gone…

#

I don’t want to

#

I want to believe that you will come back

#

We are meant for each other

#

But I shouldn’t have false hope

wanton nacelle Jan 16, 2024, 11:20 PM

#

You will always be my favorite chapter of my book

#

My favorite book

#

Cause I could write a whole book… a chapter wouldn’t be able to describe you in the way I would want

wanton nacelle Jan 17, 2024, 1:51 AM

#

Please come back one day

#

That’s all I could ask for

wanton nacelle Jan 17, 2024, 12:33 PM

#

I miss you

#

But I’m going to do one good thing each day at the end of the day

#

And say it here

wanton nacelle Jan 17, 2024, 5:25 PM

#

I don’t feel like I can do this anymore

#

I hate everyday without you

#

I love you

#

Why did you leave?

wanton nacelle Jan 17, 2024, 7:35 PM

#

I miss you

wanton nacelle Jan 17, 2024, 8:01 PM

#

Please come back one day

#

Did you give up on me?

#

Please come back

wanton nacelle Jan 18, 2024, 12:05 AM

#

Good thing of today is I talked to my therapist and she told me I should say goodbye to you. But I came up with an idea that allows me to wait for you and be happy

#

I’m going to actually work to be happy

#

Maybe you said goodbye to me…. And I will accept that eventually

#

But for now I will continue to wait but also work on me, work on improving my mental health

#

I will always love you. I know that. But I want to be happy

wanton nacelle Jan 18, 2024, 7:17 PM

#

I still love you

wanton nacelle Jan 19, 2024, 1:01 AM

#

I hope you know I still love you

#

And will never give up on you

#

I know you need someone who will never give up on you and i promised you I would be that

wanton nacelle Jan 19, 2024, 2:14 PM

#

I miss you

wanton nacelle Jan 19, 2024, 4:32 PM

#

Maybe everyone is right… maybe I can’t be happy while still waiting here for you

#

But I can’t give up on you

#

I want to be happy

#

I want to be happy with leaving you in the past completely

#

But I feel like you might have left me in the past

#

I hope you didn’t but what do I know

#

One day I will learn to accept the fact you are gone

#

And probably never coming back

wanton nacelle Jan 19, 2024, 5:01 PM

#

I wish I could ask you to promise me that you will come back one day. Just for a conversation… that can be it

#

The last I love you was 18 days ago…

wanton nacelle Jan 19, 2024, 6:40 PM

#

I want my favorite person

wanton nacelle Jan 19, 2024, 7:09 PM

#

Maybe in another life I get to be with you

wanton nacelle Jan 19, 2024, 9:29 PM

#

Today I learned what love really is

#

And that’s just wanting that person to be happy no matter what

wanton nacelle Jan 19, 2024, 11:45 PM

#

I still miss you and it still hurts so much

wanton nacelle Jan 20, 2024, 6:20 PM

#

I miss you a lot

#

You are still my favorite person

#

I guess I need to accept I will most likely never talk to you again

wanton nacelle Jan 20, 2024, 6:58 PM

#

Realizing someone who you thought would always be in your life isn’t going to be is very painful

#

I thought we were going to do so much stuff in the future

#

I thought she would get to see me graduate

#

You won’t… you won’t see me graduate

#

I guess I won the I love you more because I still love you

wanton nacelle Jan 20, 2024, 10:00 PM

#

I hope there is a life or world out there where we are able to be together forever…

#

I just read an old text where you told me you planned to spend the rest of your life with me

#

That hurts

#

Like a punch to the gut because that’s all I could ever want

#

And it won’t happen

#

I was kind of scared of it at the time but I wish I had said me too

wanton nacelle Jan 21, 2024, 1:47 AM

#

Even though you are gone you are still the reason I truly get out of bed in the morning. The reason I go to school. The reason I still fight everyday. I never thought someone would affect me like that… but you did

wanton nacelle Jan 21, 2024, 3:36 AM

#

I love you…

#

I wish I could call you

wanton nacelle Jan 21, 2024, 4:50 PM

#

You are all I think about

#

That is very hard

#

But I will move on and live life

#

I suppose that is what you would want me to do

wanton nacelle Jan 21, 2024, 7:41 PM

#

I miss you

#

I love you… I do think I always will

wanton nacelle Jan 21, 2024, 10:31 PM

#

I wish I could call you

#

I just want to be with you

wanton nacelle Jan 22, 2024, 12:38 AM

#

I really wanted you to be the one

#

I still do…

#

But I know it’s unrealistic to want that now

#

I wish I could walk away as easily as you do…

#

You don’t seem to even think back to me but I think about you all day

#

I just want my favorite person back

#

I’m hugging the stuff animal that reminds me of you

#

I really miss you

wanton nacelle Jan 22, 2024, 5:28 PM

#

I still love you after everything

#

It’s hard

wanton nacelle Jan 22, 2024, 7:33 PM

#

I miss you so much

#

I still want to wait for you but I also am 99% sure you aren’t coming back

wanton nacelle Jan 22, 2024, 8:26 PM

#

I miss you a lot

#

I really wish you didn’t leave

#

I think about you all the time.. it suck

wanton nacelle Jan 22, 2024, 8:45 PM

#

Maybe I just need to accept it and move on

#

Just say it’s done and you will never come back

#

Finalize everything…but I don’t want to

#

I still love you

wanton nacelle Jan 22, 2024, 9:07 PM

#

I wish I was someone’s favorite person

#

I wish I had you

#

I wish I felt better

wanton nacelle Jan 23, 2024, 2:44 AM

#

I’m very grateful for my friend who has helped through everything I’ve been going through

#

I still miss you yes but I feel like I have some always there ready to say that I can do this. I can get to tomorrow

wanton nacelle Jan 23, 2024, 12:51 PM

#

You changed everything on your discord

#

And still ignore me

wanton nacelle Jan 23, 2024, 5:01 PM

#

You really are gone

wanton nacelle Jan 23, 2024, 7:11 PM

#

It hurts a lot

#

I just wish I knew more about what was going on

wanton nacelle Jan 23, 2024, 9:03 PM

#

Just be happy… that’s all I ask

#

I will try to be happy too

#

Goodbye to you and us and the dreams we wanted

wanton nacelle Jan 24, 2024, 2:56 AM

#

I still miss you though

#

It’s very confusing

wanton nacelle Jan 24, 2024, 4:38 PM

#

I miss you still

#

But I’m really trying to accept that you and I aren’t meant to be

#

It’s something I don’t want to do and never thought I would have to do

#

It sucks

#

And hurts

#

I still love you…

#

I still just want you

wanton nacelle Jan 24, 2024, 5:28 PM

#

I still fear I will always love

wanton nacelle Jan 24, 2024, 10:18 PM

#

I love you

#

But I will be okay

#

I do really miss you truly

#

But I know that at the very least we can’t be together right now

#

I think I will always love you in some way

wanton nacelle Jan 24, 2024, 11:00 PM

#

I reached out to a close friend I accidentally pushed away after you broke up with me

#

I didn’t mean to

#

But I did

#

It was nice to talk to him even with the short conversation

wanton nacelle Jan 25, 2024, 1:43 AM

#

I miss you still

wanton nacelle Jan 25, 2024, 2:23 AM

#

It really hurts

wanton nacelle Jan 25, 2024, 12:35 PM

#

You are still all I can think about…

wanton nacelle Jan 25, 2024, 7:42 PM

#

I miss you

#

I love you so much still

#

It hurts to go through everyday without you

#

Just watching the number grow on the last time we talked

#

It’s been 22 days

#

Going to be a month in no time

#

I wish accepting it can’t be us and saying goodbye to you in my own way made it hurt less

wanton nacelle Jan 26, 2024, 12:02 AM

#

I’m supposed to start feeling better now, right?

#

Why do I not feel any different

wanton nacelle Jan 26, 2024, 2:33 AM

#

I miss you so much

wanton nacelle Jan 26, 2024, 7:38 PM

#

I still miss

#

You

#

And I still love you

#

And I stalk really want you back with me

#

It’s hard

#

And hurts

#

I want to text you so badly

#

I just want you

#

I don’t want to live my life without you

wanton nacelle Jan 27, 2024, 1:04 AM

#

It hard very hard

#

I hate it

#

I hate being with out you

#

I’m really trying to be okay

#

I know all I do is complain here but I really don’t have anywhere to go and just get these types of thoughts out

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You still mean so much to me

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I still want to be with you

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I still want to grow old with you

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I want you still

wanton nacelle Jan 27, 2024, 5:03 PM

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I never really believed or understood what people meant when they said it felt like a piece of them was missing

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I now understand more then ever

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I feel like a piece of me is missing without you

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It’s strange

wanton nacelle Jan 27, 2024, 6:41 PM

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I miss you

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A lot

wanton nacelle Jan 27, 2024, 8:29 PM

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I miss you so much

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I still love you so very much

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It hurts without you

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I want to text you

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I just want you

wanton nacelle Jan 27, 2024, 9:15 PM

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I wish I could call you

wanton nacelle Jan 27, 2024, 11:06 PM

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Why do I still want to wait for you?

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Why don’t you just block me if you really don’t want to talk to me or have me in your life

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I just saw a thing that said even if relationships don’t last forever that doesn’t mean they weren’t good or successful

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And while it was talking about dating and stuff I want to also take it as with friendships

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So A, J, L, and V… just because you left and it’s over… I still think our relationship was successful. I hope you feel the same way. I look back and see so many good moments. I wish it could have lasted so much longer especially you V. One thing that I don’t like is the fact I never got to say goodbye.

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Even with me wishing it feels successful it really doesn’t

wanton nacelle Jan 28, 2024, 3:40 PM

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I don’t feel like I can do this anymore

wanton nacelle Jan 28, 2024, 4:28 PM

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Why do I have to love someone who has forgotten about me?

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Or at least it feels like you have

wanton nacelle Jan 28, 2024, 5:16 PM

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It hurts a lot

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I would do anything to have you back with me

wanton nacelle Jan 28, 2024, 5:54 PM

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You promised you wouldn’t leave me

wanton nacelle Jan 28, 2024, 9:53 PM

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It hurts so much

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I hate being here without you

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I really wanted you to be the one

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Why don’t things work out in my favor ever

wanton nacelle Jan 28, 2024, 10:28 PM

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I want to be worth fighting for

wanton nacelle Jan 29, 2024, 12:16 AM

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I still love you

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I just want you

wanton nacelle Jan 29, 2024, 12:51 AM

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I don’t want it to get to a month sense I last talked to you

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I hate every second of this

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I just want my favorite person

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Why are you still my favorite person

wanton nacelle Jan 29, 2024, 5:22 PM

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I do miss you today

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But I’ve been busy

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It’s the start of the new semester

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I hate lunch

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I can’t help but think about you

wanton nacelle Jan 29, 2024, 7:35 PM

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I miss you so much

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I wish you were here

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I wish you never left

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I wanted you to be the one

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I thought you were perfect for me

wanton nacelle Jan 29, 2024, 9:18 PM

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I really wish I could call you

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I wish I could go back in time

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I wish I could of had you in my life longer

wanton nacelle Jan 29, 2024, 9:55 PM

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I don’t know how to stop loving you

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My love for you doesn’t feel like it has lessened a bit

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Other things have like trust and belief you will come back

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But the love I have for you hasn’t gone away at all

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Why haven’t I stopped loving you when it feels like you have stopped loving me

wanton nacelle Jan 29, 2024, 10:26 PM

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Maybe I do have a fighting chance to be happy

wanton nacelle Jan 30, 2024, 2:20 AM

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I miss you

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I still want to wait for you but that is probably a bad idea

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It’s late I’m going to try not to think about that I need sleep

wanton nacelle Jan 30, 2024, 2:05 PM

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I miss you

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I hope you are well

wanton nacelle Jan 30, 2024, 5:12 PM

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I really want to cry

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I miss you more than anything

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I hate that in no time it will be a month all over again

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I hate that I can’t seem to move on

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I still love you with all my heart

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I just want you

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I don’t want anyone else

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But things aren’t going my way

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And I want to give up and never try again

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I hate this

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I want to cry

wanton nacelle Jan 30, 2024, 7:45 PM

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I really want to text you

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I don’t want it to get to a month again

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I just want to be happy

wanton nacelle Jan 30, 2024, 9:03 PM

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Please come back in my life one day even just as friends

wanton nacelle Jan 31, 2024, 12:51 PM

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You texted me today

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About me telling you to be happy

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You said you’re trying and you thanked me

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I said I’m glad because it felt like the right thing to do

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I’m happy you are trying to be happy

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And I see now that you probably left the second time to work on yourself and try to be happy

wanton nacelle Jan 31, 2024, 5:10 PM

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I want to text you again

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Remind you that I’m here if you need me

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By I shouldn’t

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I miss you

wanton nacelle Jan 31, 2024, 8:14 PM

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I had a bit of a panic attack over something really dumb

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About your status being about wanting someone to hold your hand

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But I just had to remind myself you are allowed to live your life

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And I need to live mine

wanton nacelle Feb 1, 2024, 1:37 AM

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I miss you a lot

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I still love you a lot too

wanton nacelle Feb 1, 2024, 12:29 PM

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I miss you so much

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It hurts to love someone you can’t be with

wanton nacelle Feb 1, 2024, 8:42 PM

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I feel like I’m going to cry

wanton nacelle Feb 1, 2024, 10:31 PM

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I still love you….

wanton nacelle Feb 1, 2024, 10:48 PM

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I want to talk to you really badly

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I’m not going to, I don’t think you want to

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And I respect that

#Sam’s (itissamm) journal of random writings