#Mads’ Journal

92 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

eternal halo
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i don’t know why i left. but i did. and i don’t know why i came back. but i did. some people in this server made me uncomfy, but that’s in the past now. i wanted a place to vent without bothering my friends. so here i am. again.

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i guess i do know why then

eternal halo
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my mom caught me zoning out (not in the car) and told me that i can’t drive anymore wtf

eternal halo
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my mom always does this, she says stuff she doesn’t mean and then she apologizes like it’s no big deal. my parents also like to threaten to take stuff away from me until they get me to do what they want me to do

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for example, my mom wanted to “talk” to me and i didn’t want to. she told me that she’ll cancel my drivers test unless i talked to her

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i got my license, but it’s not worth threatening to take stuff away

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now she’s threatening to take away my senior trip lmao

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tyrants

eternal halo
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my brother told my parents that he doesn’t even wanna be on the same floor as me. not the same room. the same floor. i didn’t even do anything to him recently. i feel like my family and everyone else would be happier if i wasn’t here.

eternal halo
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my mom just said that my brother has a good reason to not like me and then i got upset and she said it wasn’t hurtful what she said

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i don’t wanna be here anymore

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i’m currently bawling my eyes out rn

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i hate them

eternal halo
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oh and my actual license came in the mail today. my picture turned out okay. it’s not the best looking picture, but it’s also not the worst. i consider myself pretty, but i hate bad photos of me. i’m very insecure when it comes to taking pictures. i’ll take like 100 pictures until i get the best one.

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also i had work today and it went okay. one dad got mad at me because his son wasn’t tall enough to go on the ride. like i’m sorry it’s not my fault your kid is too short. i can’t control that.

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and some teenage boys were teasing me. they kept calling by name from my nametag and said things like “i’ll miss you Mads”

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wouldn’t be the first time tho

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i drove to work and Starbucks all by myself today hehehehe

eternal halo
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i miss him but i don’t think he misses me :(

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ugh i want him but i don’t know how to text him

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someone help pls 67131cry

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i’m trying to forget about him and move on but a piece of me still wants him

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going thru a mid life crisis at 17

eternal halo
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i’m crying rn

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i really don’t have any friends

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that’s a lie i do have friends but they just live really far from me

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they’re really nice to me and kids in school just avoid me. i don’t know why.

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my friends from school abandoned me

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they found better friends and left me on read

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i’ve been excluded since i was in preschool

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i was literally 3 years old

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i don’t know what i did to be excluded

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maybe because i didn’t start talking until i was 4

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i couldn’t speak i had to use asl to communicate

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i was taught basic sign language like hungry, full, more, please, and thank you

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things to let my parents know what i wanted to say

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i still have problems with my speech but it’s as good as it’s going to get after 10+ years of speech therapy

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i take long pauses in between sentences, i mix up my words, and i can’t really pronounce words containing the letter R

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i find it easier to text

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probably how i met my friends

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online

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i’m sorry for being spammy none of my friends are online so i have no one to talk to

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i should go to bed soon

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gn

eternal halo
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i feel better now kinda

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i got a parking spot for school

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#100

eternal halo
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i think there’s something wrong with me

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||i’m trying to see how long i can go without eating||

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and i don’t know why

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ig i just want to be ||skinnier||

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sometimes ||i hate the way i look||

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i want to change that but i don’t know how

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when i was barely a teenager, i looked awkward. then when i started highschool, i had a glow up. i was so happy about it. i actually felt pretty. but i want another glow up.

eternal halo
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||130 calories intake and it’s almost 4pm|| 🫡

eternal halo
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sometimes i just feel so upset with literally every single person and i don’t know why

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i’m kinda mad at the world rn

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i get so many fucking compliments but no one is interested in dating

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people bully and tease me all the time

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and my “friends” abandon me

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when i get so pissed off, i want to take it out on someone else

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preferably someone who has hurt me

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i want to hurt them like they hurt me

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happy july 1st

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anyways

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i hate people

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in general

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i have urges to just unfriend everyone on social media

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and see if they try to contact me

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to see if they still care about me

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i’m so fucked up

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i’m bawling my eyes out rn

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i don’t really have anyone to talk to rn

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that’s why i’m venting here

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and i don’t wanna bother people

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i literally have one person who actually gives a shit about me

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and we just became bestfriends again after 6 momths

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not going to get into that

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my mom texted me “what’s wrong?” i don’t know what to tell her

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everything i just said here?

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idk what to say

IMG_3707.png
eternal halo
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i really don’t wanna bother people but i really need someone to talk to

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i still know i’m fucked up

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||i wonder how people would feel if i just disappeared one day||

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i’m fucked

eternal halo
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i went home early from work 😭😭

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my eye was bothering me so bad

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the eye drops made my eye turn orange

eternal halo
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i wish i could change a lot of things about myself but it’s impossible without having work done