i think sodikken or however you spell it is a very good music artist. i dont know much about them but i think their songs have a lot of meaning. my favorite one by them is hansel, or misery meat, i cant decide. not a lot of people know who they are and i think their album covers are very unique!
#lee's journal1!1!1
coral smelt
something i miss from my childhood is sitting in a cheap plastic pool and playing with my toys in it. i didnt have any worries, and there was nice summer weather. i remember specifically seeing a hummingbird fly close to me and i was in awe. i love hummingbirds! i miss not feeling insecure or not caring about anything except for having fun
coral smelt
one person who i really admire is a person named zee. they can be mean a lot, as they have called me names and insulted me, but i guess they do it in a loving way though! they have kinda of a scene style and i love it. they say that they hate everyone except for me, i kinda find that odd but thats who they are. theyre usually mean to everyone else and they try to be nice but it usually doesn't work out. they tried therapy to be nicer, and they called me insults less often, bought me things, and started saying that they love me even if they say that they arent capable of loving or feeling loved. theyre trying to improve as a person and i really admire them for that!
a group of friends i really like are two people named lee and chris (NO I DONT MEAN ME, LEE HAS THE SAME NAME AS ME!!) . i like a series called spooky month and i was playing a pixel pony game called pony town where you can make pony designs however you like and play in game with them. i made a cosplay of one of the spooky month characters called pump and i joined a rating line where people rate your skins, and as i was waiting in line, two people came up to me, the pink one was lee and the black one was chris! they spoke spanish so i couldnt understand much of what they were saying, but lee really loved my pump cosplay and chris liked it too, but he was more in the background, as thats one of his personality traits. they soon left but i followed them and tried my best to speak to them. with my excellent spanish skills we were able to become friends since they also spoke some english, and i found out that they were dating! we have lots of memes only us 3 understand and i really enjoy hanging out with them. i was able to call chris one time after convincing him that i wouldnt care what he sounded like, and when he joined the call he said that he was trans, and i supported him a lot, but he hasnt told lee yet. i feel a lot closer to chris now, and i love hanging out with them both, cs they make me really happy
another person ive met is a person who i dont know the real name of, but goes by najimi, from komi cant communicate. since i love omori and kel, and i have a kel pfp, they call me kel, and its really fun because theres just something magical and silly about that, i cant explain it. we havent been friends for a while but we have grown really close, even if we are very different!
dude its 2:30 am and i cannot sleep
heres a topic i came up with myself
i have no idea how people take naps
once after a long day i came home and took a nap at about 4 pm and i woke up not knowing what day or year it was, so i panicked and asked my mom, but she wouldnt tell me, and i dont know if it was because i was so tired, but i felt like i was in an endless nightmare of death, because i kept asking her and she wouldnt tell me for some reason, and i dont remember how i got there but i was in the bathroom at one point sitting on the floor and having an autistic meltdown because i was so confused, and i didnt have access to my phone so i couldnt check the date or contact anybody.
thats fun
dude i love stars and beads so much
i want beads shapes like stars
dude i love saltine crackers so much
ok so ive made up my mind
at 4 am im gonna see if im tires enough to go to sleep and if i am ill sleep but if im not ill wait a bit, do it again, and if im still not tired ill try to pull an all nighter!
dude i love my cat so much
hes attacking a cricket right now!!
dude if anyone else here knows what omori is, this huddle journal is just like a white space, or a head space, where i can just forget all my problems and make my own world
dude that sounds so cheesy
dude i think the inside of my mouth is ||bleeding||
i chew on it too much
dude i gave my cat some saltine cracker crumbs and he loves them!!
dude he just snatched it out of my hand
hes so cute
update: its almost 3 am and im scared of something
specifically that one mari jumpscare
OMORI SPOILERS
nobody probably knows omori here but whatever
the first time i played omori i think i ignored the knocking or i js didnt hear it, but the second time i played, i heard it, so i answered the door, and i saw mari, and i was baffled because i knew mari was dead, and she was headspacified in the real world, so i knew that was a bad sign, but i couldnt just ignore her, so i answered it after being convinced by my younger sister to so it, and i was terrified, but not that terrified. i knew that sunny saw like demons in the mirror in the bathroom so i decided to look in the mirror after that because why the heck not
that time i was terrified
i screamed as if i were being murdered
i screamed bloody mari
i didnt mean to make that joke
i screamed bloody mary and it took me a good while to recover from that
super fun
MORE OMORI SPOILERS
so as i was nearing the end of omori the first time i played it, i was having a blast, until i saw the car window, the car driving by as trees passed by, and that stupid song that is currently stuck in my head
i watched as those lyrics came up
and then i saw the end credits
and then i started bawling bro
i was so upset that the game ended
i wanted to go battle sweetheart again right then and there
i wanted to go back to headspace instead of literally seeing the foreshadowing of sunny moving away from faraway town
dont even get me started on the pinwheel on the tree stump.
i hated that ending so much /hj
but then for the oyasumi ending
i already knew every lyric for that song
i was baffled when it came on
but i started singing my heart out as tears formed in my eyes
then when the purple headspace sky part came on i screamed but kept singing
then when the red blackspace scary looking thing came on i screamed and started crying, then soon the song ended and i was so baffled
i never thought i would make it that far in omori
i think that was my favorite ending
also when i accidentally ||stabbed|| sunny in the real world i forgot that it wasnt in whitespace for a second and um he actually ||died|| so then i got a secret ending where theres police sirens and i was so flabbergasted like my mouth dropped im so sorry sunny ily <33
why am i ranting abt omori omg
dude i actually dont know where my cat is rn
he stole my saltine cracker
dude i love this thing so much
its like im being judged
but silently
like i dont know that im being judged
its so cool!!
OMORI SPOILERS!!
the first time i think that i saw a group hug in omori was when they came out of the treehouse and went to comfort aubrey by maris tree and aubrey put down the little pinwheel
i started bawling my eyes out js like aubrey fr
i love their friendship sm
OMORI SPOILERS
the second time i saw s group hug was when it was like all weird
nothing was wrong
basil was back from the lost and found
and they were all at maris picnic basket
so they had their group hug but i was still a little on edge
so i went to look in the floating mirror.
i hate omocat for that /j
it was so fricking terrifying
like the one a noticed the most was aubreys smile
that thing stretched and not in a good way
their eyes were so creepy
i fr was not expecting that but i kinda was
like before it happened like instantly looking into the mirror i knew that it could happen
but i was honestly js looking for a wholesome moment but OMOCAT decided to ruin that for me
like i was generally scarred for a few days because of it
i was playing that game at 4 am and i was already on edge cs im afraid of the dark
i physically could not function until i recovered a bit by watching hello kitty and friends
dude i love springs so much
idk why but i randomly js heard a spring noise
boing
30 more mins until i make my decision!!
dude i made a potion out of makeup
dude does anyone know what tmf, the metal family is? i remember the last episode was when heavy got a piercing!
its a small series on youtube
heavy is the son of victoria and glam, and the brother of dee
dee and glam are blonde and heavy and victoria are brunettes
i love the episodes where they go over glams past
that was brutal
my friend keith from school introduced me to the series
im so glad he did!!
dude im so bored
dude im already feeling tired idk if i can pull the all nighter!!
im js gonna rest my eyes for a few minutes
coral smelt
dude i had a dream about omori!!
coral smelt
im so lonely
i joined an omori oyasumi game on roblox and its usually empty in there, so im by myself, but this time a sunny cosplayer joined me and we got on top of the kel burger together!!
yall what does a concerned huddler mean
oh i just read the level thing help
here is a kel kinnie bingo i did
i lovee kel
but i hate sports
especially basketball.
i have 5 pings but nobody messaged me today :((
coral smelt
dude im obsessed with omori
like its my special interest
i used to be friends with two people named hunter and harper, and we called ourselves the 3 h's, it was cheesy but i loved hanging out with them. my real name is haylee but i changed it to lee to help me forget them and because im questioning my gender more
anyways while we would call in our group, i waited until harper and hunter stopped talking and then i like repeatedly saying hunters name to get his attention, and when he responded, i started ranting to him about omori, but i think he found me annoying because of it, because when we got into the argument, he and harper brought up the fact that i would only talk to hunter like that during calls, mainly because harper would make fun of me for liking omori. harper got very upset that i only talked to hunter most of the time on calls, but i only talked to whoever i felt comfortable talking to at that time. although that isnt the main reason we stopped being friends
coral smelt
in real life, at school, i made a friend with somebody named mylan, and i got his discord
at some point harper and mylan became friends, but i accidentally told mylan that harper was talking to mylans ex, attempting to become friends with his ex, then i realized what i did and mylan got mad, and messaged harper about it, and mylan was mad at harper. i had also been wanting to make friends with mylans ex, alex, therefore i was messaging him, but mylan wanted me to block alex, i told mylan that i did, but in reality i didnt because i didnt want to hurt alexs feelings. harper knew that i was lying to mylan, so we harper got mad at me for telling mylan that, harper sent mylan proof of me telling harper that i still didnt block alex, and mylan sent me to screenshot that harper provided him, i was in shock and at that very moment, i was in a call with harper and hunter, but harper left after finding out, i didnt want to leave hunter because he didnt do anything wrong, but i didnt want to be there anymore, so i left the call and sorted things out with mylan, but while i was doing that harper messaged me saying that i was a sh1tty friend, and he didnt give me a chance to speak before blocking me. i started crying a bit but i decided to let it go and i blocked him as well. soon mylan forgave me and he apologized for kinda ruining mine and harpers relationship, so i forgave him too. i knew that hunter didnt do anything wrong but i didn't want anything to do with them anymore. before the argument while we were all on call in the group, autism was one of the subjects, and at one point they sent a picture of something regarding puzzle pieces, and i told them that the puzzle pieces werent the right term for autism, and i explained to them that it was bad, and they said it was the "symbol for autism" and they started accusing me of calling them ableist. thats part of the reason why i didnt want to associate with them anymore. even if we were all autistic they still
acted like that, and they sometimes acted ableist as a "joke"
maybe i was just overreacting but thats just me
another reason is because harper is pan or smth i dont remember, and hunter is a straight ally, but still, both of them acted homophobic as a "joke"
they both even seriously bullied me for being a pomosexual (no i didnt spell homosexual incorrectly)
most people dont know what that term is
basically i dont see my sexuality or sexual orientation fits under a certain label, and they were bulling me for it saying that it basically is a label
i kinda see their point but thats not how it should be taken
i know i blocked them because of all this but i decided to unblock them one day as i was clearing out my blocked list, so i only blocked the people who i never wanted to talk to again, and asides from all that, i enjoyed talking to them and calling every night. i unblocked them and left them alone before going to sleep, but the next day i got friend requests from them. i accepted the requests and said hi, and i was dry to them. hunter didnt respond but harper responded by adding us 3 to a group chat
i was on edge but i said hi in the gc and they responded by ignoring me and speaking in a weird language only they understood, but it was a made up language so i couldnt translate it. i assumed they we talking about me and it reminded me about that one south park episode where cartman couldnt understand anything, so instead of keeping my mouth shut, i said something about it, but they ignored that too, so i started overthinking everything. since they were ignoring me i decided to leave the gc, but harper kept messaging me asking why, so then i told him that if they were going to ignore me then i didnt see the point in me being there
i might finish that later
im playing omori rn1!!!11
coral smelt
omgomg zee changed his name to kelsey and i love it so much
they might be sleeping so they dont know i responded to his message but i told him that i supported them and that they can change it if he wants!!
coral smelt
i was on edge but i said hi in the gc and they responded by ignoring me and spea...
at this point hunter was just not messaging me because of the situation, so i asked harper why they both added me, and i was slightly happy that they added me, only to find out that they added me because they both thought it was gonna be "funny". i didnt know what to say to harper, and left it alone for a while until i asked if i could join the group chat again, but harper didnt reply at first. when harper blocked me the first time, he said that he was going to replace me and later after they added me again, i found out that they had a whole other friend group, with a ton of people, and they had been spreading rumors about me. soon harper responded saying "ok im also going to add you to our friend group" so i think harper told the friend group that he was adding me because harper told me that they responded with "no dont" and i think i know why. then harper proceeded to add me back to the gc with him and hunter, and i said hi but nobody said anything, and it was like that for a day or two, but i finally had enough and left the gc, then i blocked both of them. it was crazy to me how they can just spread rumors about me, replace me, not even talk to me, be dry after all we have been through, and block me in the first place after one small mistake ive made. they also told me that they both have been wanting to block me for a really long time because of how annoying and weird i was. it really hurt my feelings and after i blocked them back i was not ok. when i got home after school, every day after that i would think im still friends with them and get excited to call them that night just to realize they arent there anymore, so i told them that and they didnt care at all. im just glad theyre gone
if anyone read above, i did change my name from haylee to lee, for many reasons, mostly regarding my gender confusion, or feeling more masculine. i wouldnt say haylee is my deadname because obviously my parents call me that and i dont get that upset about it, but if anyone close to me called me by it, i would get really confused. also i dont think im trans, i dont want to be a girl, or a boy, but i dont think im non binary because i dont care what people call me, and ive even used he him pronouns on myself before. i dont feel agender either because i never felt like using they them or it its pronouns on myself before. its all confusing but i hope i can figure it out soon
coral smelt
imm gonna eat some cookies and play omori!!
coral smelt
yippee i got my first heart envelope!11!1!!
coral smelt
this is my realization that i havent talked here in a while!!
im not feeling ok so im taking a break i think
coral smelt
bro i got two heart envelopes now!!
zee also changed his name to kelsey / kel, but they told me not to think of it as kel from omori. they felt like it was more of a masculine name so i will use kelsey or kel from now on!
my step dad bought me a new tv for my room, and i have it all to myself
i usually watch south park on it, or youtube videos
but i also got spotify on the tv so i dont need it on my phone anymore
i either listen to my playlists or the omori ost and i love it
my parents also got me a new dresser for my room and im thankful for it i think
kelsey was telling me how || he wanted to $l1t their wr1st and lock themselves in the bathroom || and i was clearly showing signs that i was uncomfortable , but he said that they did it, and cleaned it, and everything, but im thankful they didnt send me a picture
i didnt know how to feel about it or what to say so i just said "oh"
maybe he just didnt know that they werent supposed to tell me
they dont have a lot of people to talk to so he felt like telling someone
i wish i could be more helpful with things like that
i used to eat in my bedroom for snacks or dinner and everything and i feel really guilty of it because i would leave dishes in my room like bowls or plates or trash because i didnt feel like getting up
but whenever i got motivated to clean my room of course i would clean them and put them back in the sink, but my parents would get mad at me and yell at me for not putting them in the sink after i was done with them, so now they wont let me eat in my room
i dont feel comfortable with eating in front of people, and i like doing things at my own pace, so it helped to eat in my room, but i cant do that anymore and its all my fault
on the brighter side i was on tiktok one day and i scrolled on a friend group for discord video, and i was about to keep scrolling, but i decided to give it a try because i met all the requirements, so i commented on the video and added the creator of the friend group on discord, and later they added me back, and added me to the server. it was me, rowan ( the host ) and jas ( the hosts friend )
later they added a few more people named angel and somebody who liked invader zim but they didnt talk much
we told everyone our name age and pronouns and sent a picture of each other. we all supported everyone and within a few days we grew close!
we all like the same music artists such as alex g and tv girl, and i liked an artist called starry cat so i decided to share it with the group, and jas said that he liked them too! i was so happy and we both said that we never met another starry cat enjoyer in our lives and it was so cool! me and rowan added each other on roblox and one day i introduced them to a game called horrific housing, and they found it fun so we decided to play one day and it was actually really fun, and they also showed me a find the south park character game and we played for hours, we actually did that today! the group is usually quiet but we all respond to each other and have a lot of fun
i dont know what i would be doing if i hadnt commented on that post because so far my summer is really boring
coral smelt
though near the beginning of summer we got the news that we were going to a huge zoo and aquarium one saturday and i was so excited because they had flamingos, sharks, lions, and jellyfish! i think jellyfish are my favorite sea creature! when we got there, i was tired because i fell asleep, but the line was short, and we got in fast, and the first thing we did was go to the flamingos! then we went to see the penguins and while we were there, i saw somebody with trans socks and i wanted to compliment them but i got too scared. after that we went to see the giraffes and elephants and zebras and rhinos but soon the aquarium train came and we got on to go there, but i started feeling very hot and as if i was about to puke, and surely, as the train started moving i puked out the side of it, but that was not going to stop me from seeing some sharks! when we got to the aquarium i was super excited because i love sea creatures! i loved seeing the stingrays and the starfish, then we got to the glass part where we were surrounded by water and there was a ton of sharks, and coral everywhere and when i was close to the glass it was so cool! but the whole time i felt like puking again, and though i didnt, i was sitting on the floor trying to stop feeling hot, even inside the aquarium i was melting, so we went to see the jellyfish and they were so cute and tiny and magical and i got so many videos of the sea animals! after that we went outside looking for an umbrella table to eat at, but the umbrella tables we all full except for one of them, but the one that was free was broken, so i sat at the table crying because of overstimulation, but another lady at a table noticed and offered us their table, and i wish i could hug them bro. we sat down to eat, and there was plenty of food but i did not feel like eating at all, and i didnt eat all day, though my parents offered me support and gave me cold water, ice cubes, and a wheelchair because i almost fell over when i was walking
around. after the aquarium we went to the garden and it was huge! we made it back to the train station by 4 pm, and we got back and got ice cream
i still had the wheelchair and i wanted to finish the zoo to see the lions and tigers but i didnt think i would last another 30 minutes, so we had to leave, but we are going to the zoo again to finish the other half! so that was a very eventful trip but i had a lot of fun seeing the animals
im super bored and nobody wants to talk to me so im gonna play omori or watch south park idk
byebye <33
coral smelt
last night i had the wonderful idea of eating popcorn and watching south park, listening to music, playing pony town, or talking to my friends on discord for hours, alone, by myself, until like 3 am and thats what im doing right now!! currently its 12:48 am and im listening to alex g and starry cat and other music artists and its so calming
i wanna do it every night but it ends up in me not getting enough sleep
oh well
also just a random small vent, it didnt effect me that much but oh well
i was playing pony town when somebody came up to me and whispered me, asking how old i was, so i told them i was 13 and they asked if i could talk on discord, so i added them and they asked me what i looked like and i told them i had shortish brown hair and glasses, but they asked me to send a picture, not of anything specific, just a picture, so i told them that i was uncomfortable with it, but they kept asking, so i kept repeating myself until they got mad and blocked me, then back in pony town they called me a slur and left, so i just blocked them back
theres a lot of toxic people on pony town but i really enjoy talking to nice people on there, getting my skins rated and making skins, or just playing minigames hosted by other players
a lot of people dont know the game but i really like it
tw : self harm
|| i first started cutting myself in october of 2022 and first the teachers noticed it, and they contacted the school counselor, but i told her i was fine, but i didnt stop, and now a lot of people at school know and make fun of me for it, but some of my friends support me! my mom found out later, and i knew she would at one point, and she considered sending me to a mental hospital, but she didnt, and i kept doing it, just on my arms and thighs, but i made sure to be safe and clean them and everything, and soon my mom took me to therapy and was telling all of my family members about it, and i didnt like that. i hate not being able to wear short sleeves, or shorts at school or at home because my mom can tell how fresh they are. though ive been clean for almost 2 weeks now i think
so thats okay ||
it seems like every time i talk about something, or talk in general, everything goes wrong or people get mad at me and everything and yell at me and it results to me relapsing so ill just try not to talk as much
i also think im annoying to my friends when i use capital letters sometimes, so im trying to be more calm
also, even when i feel sad, ill tell my friends thats im ok, because i dont want to bring them down too
when people vent to me or anything i dont know what to do and i wish i could be more helpful
dude so when i was in the friend group i mentioned how i like starry cat
i dont know much about them but theyre a really talented artist and its hard to tell what theyre saying in the songs but it makes me feel really nostalgic and i really love them, but not a lot of people know who they are, besides my friend in that group chat
dude so i have a lot of hyperfixations such as omori, my biggest one, south park, spooky month, and a lot more. that means i cannot go a long time without thinking of the topic, and i get really excited when the topic comes up. when they start to fade or i dont care about them as much i dont know how to feel but i get really upset, though i never completely forget about them so thats okay i think
dude i think i need to stop saying i think at the end of my sentences
i have a cat named pip, but when he was born i didnt intend it, but i say that i named him after pip from south park, and that makes me happy a bit. he is a black and white fluffy tabby cat. his mom had short calico fur and was a tabby cat, and his dad had fluffy orange and white fur and was also a tabby cat! pip couldve had siblings but they both died because of the cold i think
dude today my mom yelled at me and i get so upset when people yell at me and i started crying.
i ran out of soda :((
im already soo tired but its only 1:20 am :((
dude kelsey got me a baby snail squishmallow because one time i told them that i loved snails and he gave him to me one day during school and i was so happy because theyve never done anything like that before!! i named him omnom and he has like a pastel blue and purple swirly shell and a pastel yellow body, and cute yellow antenna thingys!! i sleep with him every night and he brings me a lot of comfort!
its so hot in my room i hate summer :((
my time by bo en just came on its really making me want to close my eyes and be there soon :((
dude the word glowsticks sounds so silly to me!!
i hate my hair :((
i need to stop using sad emoticons :((
dude i dont know why but whenever a song is playing i need to drum along with my fingers to it, or make movements along with the song
it helps me to understand it better idk!!
im so bored im gonna to try to play omori!!
coral smelt
when the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie thats omori !!
i dont know why everyones ignoring me
maybe i talk too much and im annoying
or maybe im overthinking it too much and when i try to be more calm, they think i hate them
i can think of 5 people right now who are ignoring me
for example theyre online but are not answering my dms :((
maybe theyre busy
also i finally got to watch coraline, but i wanted to finish it with my sister, so im waiting until she comes back. i really like it so far, because it reminds me of omori. coraline has a bad life in the real world, so when she goes to sleep i think she is in a different world and she enjoys it there, and everything is made for her liking
though i havent finished the movie
boys dont cry by the cure just came on!!
today rowan changed their status to "leech is my pookie". leech is one of the many nicknames they gave me. its um cringe i think but im glad because now i can match statuses with them. i also felt like they were closer with other people in the friend group so i tried my best to get closer to them and i got really happy when i saw the status!
im so thirsty
im so tired too i think but its only 11:16 pm :((
i have 3 uneaten bags of popcorn, and i havent watched a single south park episode tonight!!
my sister isnt returning.
im so lonely
i hate my hair
today somebody said that they liked my sunny cosplay on pony town!!
level 9!!
dude my favorite south park characters are butters/marjorine, tweek, and kenny
the blondies <33
dude today i was playing on my xbox and i was home alone so i was like not feeling ok and i was super bored but soon my family came home from the store and my mom asked me to bring in the groceries, so i started walking, then i went back a few steps and i literally saw a watermelon!! my face immediately lit up as i started shouting "OMORI REFERENCE" over and over again while aggressively pointing at the watermelon and yelling "BASIL". i think my sister thought i was going insane.
dude i love fine by lemon demon. i first discovered it when it was trending on tiktok, but i didnt even discover it from tiktok, and i didnt even have tiktok downloaded! i was going through somebody elses playlist and found it, and i immediately learned the lyrics after a few times, and i fell in love with it! i checked out lemon demons profile and soon learned all of his songs by heart like eighth wonder and the ultimate showdown of ultimate destiny, and im still listening to them to this day, and i think theyre really underrated!!
i dont think kelsey is ok
he isnt responding
i might sleep earlier than i normally do, its only 11:39 pm this time!!
yayy
coral smelt
dude every time i talk with my parents, theyre mad at me for some small thing that i did wrong, and i try talking "normally" to them and try to stay calm, and i try to not speak in a "rude tone" but theyre the ones yelling at me and i hate it when people yell at me so they usually say "why are you crying, do you want me to give you a reason to cry?" and when i try to talk to them they interrupt me and its so stupid because when i interrupt them, they get mad at me, and they say that theyre trying to have a conversation with me, but they just yell and me and repeat the same things they said before and when i try to reason with them, they ignore me and never understand what im saying
i was up until 11 pm last night arguing with them over because i wanted to eat popcorn in my room with my sister while we watched a movie and they got mad at me for it
its so stupid
4 heart envelopes ogmom im crying
thank u
my room also gets messy a lot because i dont usually feel like getting up and throwing away my trash or putting away the dishes, so when it gets really messy, my mom yells at me and tells me to clean, but when she does i dont feel like cleaning, so this week she decided to leave me alone for once, which i liked, and i decided to clean my room that day, since i had motivation to, and i was halfway done with cleaning it when my mom started yelling at me again to clean it, or she would take away my phone, and obviously since she had asked me to clean it, i didnt feel like cleaning it anymore, and it was getting late so i decided to just go to bed, and the next day i fell asleep with my phone next to me, and my mom comes yelling at me and comes into my room asking where my makeup was, and accusing me of stealing hers. i was still half asleep but i remember throwing my makeup away since i didnt want it anymore, and i think thats what she intended to do with my makeup or something but she couldnt so she got mad at me and took my phone from next to me, which im sure if i had put away, she wouldnt have seen. i tried to go back to sleep but i couldnt, and i knew she took my phone so i was bored all day, until i went to ask her why she took my phone, because at that moment i hadnt done anything wrong, but that was a bad idea because then she started yelling at me saying that she took it because i didnt clean my room last night, which was very confusing. she takes it for a lot of stupid reasons. i was upset and all i wanted to do was talk on huddleverse, which i couldnt, talk to kelsey, or talk to rowan, because that night everyone was ignoring me and i was really on edge. that day i went to sleep as normal and today i decided to clean my room out of free will, also because i thought i could get my phone back if i did, and it worked and kelsey responded to me so im ok now i think
tw : self harm
|| a night ago i think i cut myself and took a shower afterwards then i was going to sleep but then my mom came in my room and asked if i did, and i lied to her, but she knew i was lying because she found blood in the bathroom. she started blaming it on the devil and stuff and told me to ask god for help, but i really dont like it when she does that. im also positive shes going to send me to a mental hospital. it made me think of the time when i was younger and i was struggling with speaking and began stuttering for a few months. when i had to ask her for a simple thing like a snack or water i was scared she would say no and get mad at me, part of the reason why i started stuttering in the first place. when i tried to ask her, she told me it was the devil taking over, and she told me to ask jesus for help and stuff, but her telling that to me only made it worse. i wish she wouldve talked me through it or told me to take deep breaths or something instead. ||
also im listening to the omori ost rn!!
the name sugar star planetarium sounds so magical to me!!
i love stars
dude so my school has a digital point system where if youre like doing good in classes every day you get about 7 points per class, and you can buy things with those points, including real money! i already earned $75 from school, and i had 2000 points left near the end of the school year, so i wanted to buy some candy and stickers, which cost 1000 points in total. i was looking through the sticker jar and saw a lot of cringe motivational stickers, until i saw a literal sticker of a hamster holding a trans pride flag and i immediately bought it! right now i have him hanging on the wall in my room!!
coral smelt
im so bored
coral smelt
yesterday i couldnt sleep until 5 am
i got 3 hours of sleep
and now its almost 4 am tonight
but i was watching psych2go and they literally have so many omori references and characters in their videos!! i saw mari, sunny, aubrey, kel, hero, basil, something, captain spaceboy, and sweetheart!! i was so happy when i saw them all
also i was bored so i tried drawing to spider eye plant creature from omori and i think i did good so i made another drawing, snaley!! i think hes cute and very underrated. i also imagine his voice sounds like pip from south park, because in the game he is known to say "lovely weather isnt it?" and its so cute!!
i also gave snaley a background like his battle background but im scared to add the spider eye plant creature thing a background because it looks complicated
i figured out that sunnys favorite drink is grape soda and i coincidentally have some with me right now!
i dont have any food tho :((
i wasnt able to play omori for a bit but my parent can buy the omori game pass tomorrow, and my goal is to get all the badges and achievements!
the only thing keeping me busy right now is watching people play omori and drawing, because none of my friends are online and i dont want to bother them
yall my plant is bleeding..
theres blood on my plant.
,.,. idk where it came from
im kinda scared rn
do plants have blood?
i kinda sliced it with a knife earlier
pls send help
im being so seriously
it isnt even a real plant
so idk why theres blood.
i didnt touch the plant it isnt my blood!!
im gonna cry rn
maybe its just grape juice
maybe im just hallucinating it
i need to calm down
i checked and the grape juice is a way different color than the blood :((
its 4 am and my phones at 4 percent
im hearing spooky noises so im gonna try to sleep with my new blood plant!!
good bye <33
coral smelt
hunter added me back about an hour ago and i added him back just now, and i was on edge
i decided to be friendly so i said "hi!!" and he said hi back, and he told me how him and harper werent friends anymore, and i could tell that in his bio, he removed harper and added zara, but i have no idea who zara is! hunter also said that harper changed their name back to cailyn, and i have no idea what their pronouns are now, and i have no idea why cailyn and hunter stopped being friends, but now hunter added me to a gc with him and zara but no one has said anything yet. also i asked hunter why him and cailyn stopped being friends and he said that cailyn met a person named chase and they started drifting away and then they both got into an argument and stopped being friends, but hunter isnt telling me why. i know it isnt my business, but maybe if i added cailyn back, they will tell me why
i also dont know if cailyn changed their name back to cailyn because of feeling more feminine, or because the name harper reminded them of us
thats kinda what i did
coral smelt
.,.,.,. im not gonna explain a lot but now me hunter zara and cailyn are in a gc together, i told zara everything about what cailyn did, knowing hunter was in the gc, just for cailyn to add me, i discover cailyn and hunter are still friends, zara was the replacement for me, theyre a trio, and zara was asking me questions about cailyn so him and hunter can get my opinion on cailyn and show cailyn when they added her to the gc
its so stupid i feel so stupid and hunter told me that it was a prank
i actually thought that i was gonna make new friends like zara and zara was so understanding, i feel like ive never had that in a friend before
hunter was actually not being dry for once but i think it was to manipulate me because now hes being dry and he was stalking the chat the whole time i was talking about cailyn so he can secretly tell them and i feel so stupid
zara was so understanding and i thought i was gonna be friends with him but they said that theyre all a trio, and then they all went invisible, and nobodys saying anything in the group chat, i told zara everything
im not too upset right now, it was predictable and suspicious, because theyve pulled "harmless" pranks on me like this in the past, and have manipulated me a lot.
my phones almost dead so i gtg, ill take a break from them for a while and see what theyve done later
bye <33
coral smelt
whenever theres no background noise in a room and its completely silent i hear a pounding in my ear and i can literally hear electricity and i hate it. i can feel my blood pumping. this is why i need background noise
i havent gotten enough sleep to the point where i almost faint whenever i stand up
sleeping is scary and i feel like fine when im not sleeping but im think if i go to sleep i wont be able to get out of bed for hours and just procrastinate getting out and it will get worse for my health and idk what to do
tw : sh
|| kelsey keeps bring up his sober streak or telling me, not directly, but heavily hinting me when they sh and i keep showing signs of discomfort, or i just ignore it. i know they have a lot going on but they never ask to vent, they turn my vents to himself, and hes still kinda being mean or insulting me. i dont think i will ever confront him about it, so ill just try to ignore it ||
i cant believe its only been 3 weeks of summer break and i already feel like im going to explode mentally and physically
since im not allowed to have food in my room anymore i have some water and soda and im gonna watch spooky month again!! it used to be my hyperfixation until south park took over, but i got really excited when sr pelo uploaded strebers rehearsal, and i can tell that pelo is putting effort into all his videos! i cant wait until the next spooky month episode comes out
coral smelt
dude when hunter added cailyn to the gc, i was confused but i tried to continue talking to zara, but zara started ignoring me and talking to cailyn and calling her his bestie and stuff, but i didnt think much of it and kept talking normally, but the entire group ignored me and talked without me so i decided to go
the only thing hunter said in the gc was "rip everyone here, they will be missed" and idk what he means by that
kinda i think
coral smelt
my phones slowly dying and ive been talking with kelsey for about an hour now, and im super bored i think
im on season 22 of south park
im listening to an omori playlist rn!!
its so hot in my room
i hate how my clothes and blankets feel
my hair feels heavy
i hate myself
coral smelt
yippee another heart envelope!!
i knew it existed for a while but i just started watching fruits basket, im only on episode one but i think its really good so far!!
i hate it when my parents yell at my siblings
i caught a little moth in a jar!!
coral smelt
why are they still talking in the gc if they hate me and im there
hunter sent a few images that idk about but one of them has an omori picture in it and i wish i could comment on it as if we were friends again
even if i did i would be ignored as always
theyre talking about some || pedophilia || or something in there but if i said something about it i would be ignored
i dont know why they dont just make a new gc without me
i havent unadded them yet but i dont feel like were friends at all
cailyn isnt even talking in there
maybe its all just a plan
maybe they want me to respond
maybe its another " prank "
maybe they want me to respond so i can get upset when they ignore me and make a big fuss about it like last time
i dont know if i should say anything
when cailyn joined the group chat, she called me by my old name, haylee, i didnt say anything about it there but a day later i told them in dms that my name is lee now, i dont know if she read it or not, idk what theyll say about it, and idk if shell care
she hasnt responded but to lighten the mood or something i also asked them if they had hallucinations because they also have bpd and i was curious
but they still havent responded
i also sent a friend request to zara yesterday but he didnt accept it until a while and i was hoping that he would talk to me in dms but he didnt, and i honestly thought i could be friends with them but i think he was just using me to get my opinion on cailyn. he was asking me things about cailyn like what she did or if i thought they were a bad friend or not, and i was being honest with them, and i thought they were asking me because he cared about my feelings, but im sure it was part of the prank, because when cailyn was added to the group chat, she could easily see the messages i sent about them
i also just asked zara what his pronouns were in dms and they said he / they, and asked why, so i told him that i was writing this but he doesnt seem to be upset about it at all
i told my new friend mina about it and she comforted me i think and said that i should get better friends , and he recommended that i meet his friend, so she added me to a group chat with her and somebody named mox, i kinda feel like mox is a bit toxic, and theyre both kinda opposite from me, they like kpop and anime and i like indie music and cartoons, but they both do like omori, although they havent ever played omori, they only watched full walkthroughs and idk how to feel about that
mina has a different past and she made me promise to be his best friend, and screenshotted me promising it and everything, that makes me a bit on edge but i know that he has a lot of problems trusting people
they both are a bit basic but they arent dry i think
ill try to keep being friends with them
summer is so hot i hate it so much :(( winter is way better than summer and even if it is winter i would always wear short sleeve shirts because i love cool weather
i want it to be winter againn
i told zara how me and cailyn met, because zara asked, this is what i said : "irl i know someone named deacon and he was dating cailyn before they broke up, so i went to comfort cailyn and we got rlly close." the thing is i went to comfort cailyn because of the breakup. i was also friends with deacon, but cailyn hated deacon, so i had to hate deacon too. cailyn and hunter always talked about how ugly or weird deacon was but i disagreed with them, but i pretended to agree. deacon is a lil too obsessed with an either grader and he is weird about it but i dont think talking about him behind his back would be ok, so i just followed along with cailyn and hunter, but they also talked about his address, and sending him death threats, and cailyn used me to get answers about deacons family, so i think thats why deacon blocked me a few times, before i finally had enough and blocked deacon myself, but i felt like i was great friends with deacon, we had a lot in common and i wanted to be just like him, but i think he hates me because of how much questions cailyn told me to ask him
tw : suicide
|| also, when i went to comfort cailyn, she had thoughts of wanting to kill themself, so i stayed up late trying to convince her not to, even if i was tired, and we had just been friends for less than a day, i didnt want to just let them go like that, so i tried but they overdosed on meds, so i was up late praying that she was gonna be ok, and she was in the hospital in the morning i think and they were ok and i was so thankful. cailyn also has bpd as i mentioned before and sometimes they think that everything is their fault, but she has shown no other symptoms of it besides getting afraid that everyone hates them, and when i experienced that, they blocked me and i started crying for a few hours, uncontrollably, because i thought that she hated me, but they unblocked me and we continued being friends, but that process continued multiple times and me hunter and cailyn got into a lot of arguments because of it, and the group was really toxic and everyone would lie to each other, especially her, and she would blame everything on their bpd and say stuff like "i cant control it" and i know bpd is a real condition and they cant control their thoughts or feelings a lot, and they tend to overthink, but every argument she was involved in, they would say its because of her bpd. ||
my phones battery is getting low again so i think ill take a break again! bye
coral smelt
while i was watching spooky month again last night, i knew almost every line and that made me super happy, i also got really excited when the hatzgang appeared on screen, i think robert or ross are my favorite characters, because i like how ross and his mom, jaune, have the same mouth and hair and ross was so adorable when he gave roy a little thumbs up!! i also noticed how robert always says "thats so fricking cool!" or "thats so rad!" and he always does little hand shakes, and idk if its canon or not, but i headcanon him to have autism!! it makes me sad about roys past, but he didnt know it was wrong, so i headcanon him to be aroace!! i think the lore of every character is super cool so all of them have a place in my heart
but i do wish streber had more screen time
he did get his own video though!!
when i saw strebers rehearsal i was a bit disappointed about the style change but it looked pretty good without outlines, and i loved how we could learn the characters names from the captions, such as leon!! i also noticed the arm jokes :(( it isnt funny guys!!
today i saw a video of somebody explaining the entire lore of ena by joel g on youtube, and i was confused at first as to how a series like that would have a deep lore, but when they explained how the characters didnt say what the captions translated to, i was super shocked, because they were quite saying the opposite of what the captions said in the actual translations, such as merci, i think merci was telling ena to escape or something, and not what merci said in the captions!! it did that for many other characters too. i also knew that ena was inspired by a painting, but i didnt know that a lot of other characters and places were inspired by paintings too, such as the shepard, inspired by a cat painting, and the desert looking place, inspired by a broken egg painting!! its super interesting to me. i also liked how they explained enas emotions, i also didnt know that ena was pronounced eh-na instead of ee-na. i think joel is a very talented creator for including all of these elements
oh another talented music artist i think is duster. you also cant really tell what their saying in the songs if it wasnt for the lyrics, but i love how its all related to stars and constellations, because i rlly like space!! one of my favorite songs by them is inside out or constellations!!
i looked at ezras journal and i liked something that he did so i think i might do it too
6/16/2023
questions / updates i have for me on the first day of 8th grade
tw : starving self, anxiety, thoughts of suicide, self harm
-
am I still with kelsey? if not, what happened?
-
am I finally satisfied with the way i look?
-
do I still || get anxious over every little thing, cry myself to sleep every night, have thoughts of self harm & suicide, and starve myself? ||
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did i keep the name lee?
-
whats my gender identity, sexuality, and pronouns? do i use neutral, masculine, or feminine terms?
-
do i ever get complimented, instead of insulted, by someone i know or dont know?
-
any new hobbies?
-
is there anything you wish you could come back in time and say to me?
whenever i finish one of my playlists on spotify, the music continues, but not music that i know, though most of the music is related to my music taste, so it gives me more opportunities to like new music artists, and thats how i discovered starry cat and duster!!
im noticing how other peoples journals are different from mine. they dont write as much as me, or more than me, or they dont go into specific detail about what happened. maybe im doing it wrong
tw : self harm
|| it looks like most of my self harm scars are healed, and some of them are faded, and that makes me happy. if i dont stop by 8th grade, ill wear arm warmers the entire year probably. i dont have much long sleeve shirts, and i hate how some clothes feel on my arms. ||
i have so many friend groups and im starting to feel like if i dont start talking to them all more, they might think i hate them, or they will hate me, or we will just fade away, but i feel like i dont have enough time to talk to all of them but i want to keep our relationships strong, but again i feel like none of them want to be my friend as it again, and it isnt just my friend groups, its also people i know in real life, and its hard to talk to them because we dont ever hang out in real life and school is out, or its my online friends, and i always get scared that if i message them first, theyll think im annoying. sometimes if i feel like i havent talked to kelsey in a while my thoughts race with what could happen if i did, or if i said something wrong, or if they took what i said the wrong way, or anything else like that, and i hate so much. i wish i wasnt like this
my phone battery is getting low again so i might watch south park again
bye!!
coral smelt
dude i just finished the episode about scott malkinson and another girl with diabetes moved to south park and i loved it so much!!
coral smelt
maybe i have no reason to be sad
maybe i cant let go of the past
maybe im blaming my sadness on others
maybe its my fault
maybe im depressed
why cant i clean my room
im happy right now i think
nobodys talking to me
im alone
i have music, a charged phone, and water so why am i still upset
i think kelsey is upset about something
im thinking its something i did but thats selfish
i asked if he was ok and they responded with "no." i didnt know what to say, i dont ever talk to people in situations like those so i just said "whyy" maybe theyre more upset now i wish i could be more helpful
he hasnt responded yet
im really worried about them
i saw i demon sitting in the chair
it moved a bit then when i looked up more it was gone
tw : gender dysphoria i think, starving self
|| i hate being a "girl" but i dont want to be a boy, not non binary either or gender fluid. i hate my curves and im chubby and i always consider starving myself and i do for a bit but im never able to do it and i hate it. i wish i could get top surgery. my mom would never approve of it. i want more masculine clothes and shorter hair. i dont think im trans. i dont know what i am ||
kelsey didnt respond so i messaged him saying "why are u not ok?" and they deleted the message of him saying he wasnt ok, then they gaslight me into thinking he never sent the message in the first place
i hate it when they do that
coral smelt
im gonna go get more milk for my cookies
ok i got it now im gonna go make a new playlist on spotify!!
coral smelt
m listening to it rn!!
dude im gonna have to
go to sleep
my eyes are so heavy
im crying
i dont want to sleep though.
i hate sleeping
good night <33
coral smelt
i hate summer
coral smelt
cailyn hasnt responded and hunter hasnt talked to me, but zara was asking me questions about who kelsey is and i find it suspicious
coral smelt
dude whenever i get scared or excited i shake or flap my hands / wrists and my sister mocks me for it and laughs and i cant tell if its in a positive or negative way :((
dude i love orange popsicles so much i think
i changed my keyboard to a picture of sunny and basil from omori holding hands!! my omori ships are odd , i ship sunny x basil, sunny x kel, sunny x aubrey, hero x mari, and aubrey x kel i think. i ship a lot of them but sunny x aubrey and hero x mari is cannon!!
i also finally got a fan for my room so it isnt as hot
am i the only one who eats popsicles or ice cream with their teeth??
im super bored so im gonna tell nobody how i found jack stauber
i first heard one of their songs on tiktok, but i cant remember which one of the songs it was, but i knew they existed so i think a few years later i found a jack stauber playlist on youtube, and i slowly started to know all of the songs, so i followed them on spotify and now their one of my favorites!! my favorite songs by them are two time and coffee, also coffee reminds me of tweek from south park so thats a plus!
coral smelt
in my head i keep saying "im a girl" "i dont feel like a girl" "i dont want to be a girl" "im not a girl" and im so confused and idk what to do
i cant believe somebody else likes omori in this server
im spinning
im losing my mind not being able to play omori
the xbox controllers are dead and my parent hasnt bought the game pass for this month and i have so much to do on omori!!
i need to do the boss rush and get all of the hangman keys and play the normal route but do different things and fight the bread twin people things and i wanna go to faraway town again and i wanna get all the badges and achievements :((
in pony town i made a new cosplay, molli pop from candies n curses!! ive played the game once but i dont have it anymore :((
i really like how i made her but when i joined the game, somebody bullied me for having my outlines too dark, so i tried making another one with "normal" lighter outlines, but i think i like my version better.
here it is
ive tried a lot of different styles but i like that shading and outline color best so i do that style for all of my ponies!!
coral smelt
tw : self harm
|| i relapsed again. that is all ||
i think
its 3 am and im super tired i think and my battery is getting low so im gonna sleep maybe!!
bye <33
coral smelt
guess who has not slept in two days ?1!1!1 :DD
its 5 am
currently im super happy because i watched some silly tiktoks and there was omori videos and south park videos and spooky month videos and that one dog boy person videos and so many other and they made me so happy
i also remade my sweetheart cosplay from pony town
i made the original a year ago and after i got some skin making experience i like the new one a lot better
i also met a new friend on pony town, and even if their style is completely different from mine, we still get along, and they actually like my style, including the black outlines!!
i asked cailyn to delete the picture she had of me because it made me feel insecure and i said i also looked different now, and they ignored the first part and asked me how i looked now, and i said that i got a haircut, but she responded with "cool". sometimes i wish i could have our old friendship back
they ignored the first part and its been a few days since she said that, so i just asked her if she deleted it yet, but she hasnt responded
im starting to feel upset when my family, and even siblings, use my birth name or refer to me with feminine terms. i dont think my passed dad would be ok with me not liking my birth gender. i dont ever want to come out to my parents. my mom has said a lot of things about trans people. i still dont feel like im specifically trans. i feel like telling everyone that my pronouns are he/they but im scared that theyll hate me or think im weird, even if they do support lgbt.
im super tired but i feel afraid to sleep, i never feel comfortable, and i think that if i sleep, i wont feel like getting up, and sleeping seems very pointless to me. i kinda feel tired but i also have a lot of energy and i feel like staying up but i also dont want to. i shouldnt because ill probably fall asleep on the couch again. sleeping makes me feel disgusting for some reason. i hate sleeping, and i havent had a dream or nightmare in a while, so im scared about that too. ive had a lot of dreams that included very bad topics, so i get a panic response when i wake up, and i think they actually happened, but i think thats normal. not to dream about things like that but to be afraid when you wake up
a few hours ago i was reading a webtoon and i looked up and i saw what looked like a tiny silver centipede crawling on my leg, but then i remembered that silverfish are real, so thats what i thought it was. i figured they werent poisonous, but to be safe, i covered my hand and flew it off of me i think. i also have led lights so maybe thats what attract them. i looked on google and i saw that they arent poisonous and will flee if bothered, so maybe they are gone now. i only knew them from minecraft but after i found out they were real, i was a bit creeped out, but i also find them to be super cool
other creatures like that i also like are sea bears or sea monkeys. also sea bunnies! those are my favorite because they look fluffy and spikey at the same time. they also look poisonous or radioactive, but they actually look like bunnies
i found !!
my phone battery is slowly dying :((
also, before i saw the silverfish, i was reading the webtoon still, and i felt something crawl on my arm, so i brushed it and a spider slowly walked onto my lap. it was super scary but i tried to stay clam, and i let him walk onto my stylus pen, and i threw the pen, but he fell off of it and onto me and i panicked and i flew across the room and started hyperventilating, so i tried to calm down in the living room
i now understand how hero from omori feels :((
i also dont know how, but ive grown a liking for captain spaceboy from omori!! i kinda ship him with sweetheart, but they keep breaking up, so i kinda dont ship it. but after he divorced sweetheart, i love him so much with his pink hair, and he was just singing, and i loved it so much!! i love his battle scene and music and everything about him. hes also transmasc as stated by the creator of him so that makes me like him even more!!
i think its the same for basil. i love how hes the blondie of the group, and he has the little hair things in front of his ears if you know what im talking about, and the rest of the girls in omori also have those, so i think basil might be transmasc too!! i love his personality and how he is shy and caring and he takes pictures of his friends, and cherishes the moments with them! im also super happy about him and sunnys relationship and how he was able to accept the truth so goodly!1!1!
so i think my top 3 omori characters are kel, captain spaceboy, and basil, in that order!!
im super bored and nobodys messaging me so i think ill go watch south park :<<
coral smelt
today i talked to chris
chris is my spanish friend as i said before
we usually dont talk to each other for a week or two but when we message each other we are still pretty close
he speaks spanish but also some english, and i can understand a bit of spanish, but not a lot, so chris talks in english, or i just use a translator
we can understand each other most of the time and i find that really cool that i actually managed to keep a conversation with somebody who spoke another language for more than a day
i originally met him on pony town, along with his boyfriend lee, and i got his discord!!
i might go play pony town now
byebye
coral smelt
tw : suicide
|| kelsey hasnt responded in a day or two and i cant help but think that he killed themself. but in case he didnt i dont want to keep messaging them because then theyll think that im annoying ||
asides from that, i downloaded webtoon again, and logged into my old account from a few years ago! i stopped reading when down to earth season one ended, but when i downloaded it and looked at the webtoon, it had so many more episodes, so i started read from where i left off, and surprisingly, i remembered a lot of it, and now i think its my favorite webtoon!! i just finished episode 128, and i would continue reading but its 1:30 am and i would like to do something other than lay in bed and read a comic all night
on pony town i finally finished my sweetheart cosplay from omori, and i cant remember if i said this or not but oh well. i cant tell if i should use my old or new hair shading style for her, because i think they both look good, but my new friend on pony town likes it either way!!
i dont know if i mentioned "emily" or not, but hes a old friend on pony town who i met about 6 months ago, and we have a lot in common, but he changed their name to jasper. we both like south park and spooky month, but he started liking a show called camp camp, and i never knew it existed until they started posting tiktoks about it, so today when they were online on pony town, i asked him where i could watch it, and he said it was for free on youtube!! ive seen a few of their cosplays from it on pony town so i knew a but about it, so i decided to watch it, also because its kinda similar to south park. jasper told me to google who preston was, and i did, and i immediately liked him already because he looks so silly and adorable!! a few minutes later i convinced myself to watch it, and i watched the first episode and it has made a very good first impression!! its just about kids who were sent to camp campbell i think, and the main character, max, and his 2 other friends plan to escape the camp because they dont like it or something!! theres a lot of activities in the camp that the other kids enjoy, like magic camp, or science camp!! i think ill watch the next episode tomorrow
m gonna play pony town for a bit!! byebye
coral smelt
i finished playing pony town and now im talking with rowan
im not good at conversationing but im trying :((
now its 3:25 am
im so boreddd
dude i hate taking pills
i havent taken any in a short bit but when i do have to take them, i get super scared
because like what if you choke on them
it feels super weird to swallow a plastic oval shapes line curve thing with medicine inside
like just drink normal medicine??
normal medicine isnt the best either
especially the bubblegum one
pepto bismol i think
when i tried it when i was younger it was disgusting
i never want to try it again
also the cherry medicine feels weird in my mouth
its kinda crunchy.
the grape one is almost as disgusting as pepto bismol
my mom forced me to try and take the pill until i swallowed it when i was younger
i always hated pills because its just scary
but after i swallow them i feel proud i think
its so stupid
i cant swallow pills
i cant tie my shoes
i cant put my hair up
i cant wash dishes properly
i cant sleep
i literally cant do anything that normal people can do
i know how to tie my shoes but i cant tie my shoes
its complicated!!
i have no idea how people put their hair up
everytime my mom makes me do the dishes, i do them, and i try my best, and i dont know how to wash them properly, so when theres still stains or soap on the dishes my mom yells at me for it, even if she knows that i cant do them properly.
i have a lot of trash and dishes in my room again
why cant i just stop being lazy
i dont know what it is but i hate it
last night i was planning on sleeping, but i noticed that the sun had come up, so i didnt sleep
its 3:40 am now
sometimes i get into arguments with my parents, and it could be about something stupid or something serious, but when i try to reason with them, they either completely ignore what i say and label it as "back talk" or "having an attitude", or they interrupt me mid sentence, misunderstand what i said because theyre interrupting me, and when i interrupt them sometimes, they get mad at me for it. sometimes i wish they could let me speak for once
if theyre gonna be like that then theres no point in talking at all
i am feeling very lonely i think
nobodys messaging me, and sometimes i feel like some of my friends are ignoring me on purpose
one of them hasnt responded to my question i asked them 2 days ago, even if they were online
also, nobody is online right now, unless theyre just invisible
my hair is super tangled
i hate it
why cant i just brush it
i dont feel like doing anything
sleeping
cleaning
brushing hair / teeth
taking showers
eating
my parents came home with 2 pizzas and i had 2 bites of the crust of a slice and didnt eat the rest
the process of eating is so weird and disgusting
i feel like a shouldnt eat
but i have to
if i eat too much my parents will get mad at me
but also if i eat too little
but they havent noticed yet
my eyes burn from the fan blowing, but i cant cut it off
because of the heat
its 4 am now
ive sat here for 20 minutes stimming to jack stauber songs
im gonna try to sleep i think
i feel so uncomfortable
coral smelt
i slept i think
for an hour
until my alarm went off
so i got up
since last night i finally watched camp camp, i got in pony town and told jasper about it, and he was super excited, because i also made a cosplay of preston from camp camp, because hes my favorite!! he is so sillily. after that, jasper convinced me to make david and gwen so i did, and he lovedd them!! after we stopped playing the game, i watched more camp camp and now im on episode 8 i think. im gonna list all the characters that i know because im bored
preston
david
gwen
max
nikki
neil
daniel
nerris
harrison
space kid
that one teenager person with pink and blonde hair
i think preston, harrison, and space kid are my favorites!!
also, when i made my preston cosplay, and jasper saw it, they told me that they shipped preston x harrison and i do as well!!
also, david x gwen is a canon ship, so we liked that ship as well
a few months ago, me and jasper liked south park, but then he started liking camp camp, but i had no idea what it was, and i cannot believe ive gone so long without ever watching it!!
wikipedia said that nerris was a female, or prefers to identify as "elfkin", but me and jasper headcanon them to be non binary!! i know a lot of other camp camp fans who do as well
ive been watching somebody named biju mike i think play omori, and back when i was 8 i think i had gacha life and i had heard of him, but i was never really a fan of him, but when i remembered him and saw that he played omori, i decided to watch it and i was the first 2 videos the first night, and it was interesting to see what somebody else thought of the game. he kept either making theories or getting something completely wrong about the game, and i was losing my mind!! he even thought basil was a girl the entire prologue of the game!! but sometimes he makes good assumptions of whats going to happen and sometimes hes actually correct
an hour ago i finished episode 3 of his series and he just finished 3 days left with kel, and episode 4 starts where omori is in white space, but ill watch that episode tomorrow night i think
currently its 1:38 am so i think im gonna read down to earth again!!
byebye
coral smelt
dude!!
im so upset rn
im so happy rn!!!
im caught up with the series.
zay and kade kissed!!
the next episode is in four dayyyys :((
im actually exploding
that series has got me stimming and kicking my feet
i need more
im going to explode rn bro
its episode 146 :((
does a backflip
now its 3:11 am
i feel like im mostly happy at night time, listening to music, being alone, and doing my own thing
i hate the morning because i have to talk to my family all day
that might sound mean tho
talking to people is just super draining
i think im going to watch an episode of camp camp, then ill explain everything that happened here!!
coral smelt
ok so it the start they were playing freesbees i think i cant spell and they were being mean, so the other camp made a bet with camp campbell that they couldnt be nice for 24 hours, and if they lost, the other camp got the best camper there, like giving the other camp their camper, and david accepted the bet!! the bus arrived and hit david as always, and the new camper came to the camp, and his name was germy or jermy i think, and everyone hated jermy and labed him as a "special needs kid" i think, and the whole time the group of kids were arguing about who was the best kid there, even if they didnt want to go to the other camp. max being the worst kid there because of his bad behavior, he tried to stay nice in order to win the bet, and surprisingly he actually did it, until jermy was puting on a play, and acting as a pine tree, but then david, the camp counselor, burst out laughing saying that it was a birch tree and not a pine tree, and started calling jermy dumb oddly enough, so they lost the bet, and all the kids got nervous because they didnt want to go to the other camp, so max had the idea to say that jermy was the best camper, even if everyone hated him, so everyone played along in order to get rid of him, and it worked!! and then the episode ending i think
i loved that episode!!
coral smelt
the next one is where um i wasnt paying attention much at the beginning but david was driving max, neil, nikki, and space kid , because they did something to space kid, and nikki asked david about a badge that was hanging in his car, so david did a backstory from when he was a camper in camp campbell , and its where jasper, who was another camp campbell kid in davids time, was super good at the camp, so the camp leader, young davey, and jasper go on some adventure for some reason idk, then jasper falls down a cliff and almost dies, but then he lived and the camp leader and young davey had to go find him, so young davey had the wonderful idea to follow the river stream down the cliff, but jasper got dragged into a cave by a bear before davey and leader got there, and his led shoes were left behind, and when they got to the bottom of the cliff, they took the shoes and followed the claw marks into the cafe, but it was too dark to see, so davey had the idea to use the led shoes to see, so the leader was able to die the bears and they both rescued jasper, and when they got back to the camp, davey was given his very first camp campbell badge!! and that was the badge that was hanging in his car. but they passed the hospital 2 hours ago and the car ran out of gas!!
im not on the episode where neil points at an egg and says "thats queer"
i love neil for that!!
here is a sillily picture of preston from the episode that im watching rn!!
tw : abuse i think from an animated show
|| basically the kids were taking care of eggs and were put into groups as parents and preston got paired with nerf, the bully of the camp, and nerf became so protective of the egg, so he resulted to violent ways and gave preston multiple black eyes so preston had to ask the other campers for help secretly which resulted in an argument in preston and nerf, so their egg ran away ||
and now space kid is going to space!!
also ive watched way more than one episode
and actually space kid is going to fake space i think
literally max just pushed space kid into the lake just like aubrey from omori pushed basil into the lake!!
also, the blonde flower scout got || hurt in the eye by a fork || just like how || sunny got hurt in the eye by a pair a garden shears || !!
also, space kid likes space just like me!!1!1!
its 4:53 am :((
coral smelt
its 5:33 am now and ive decided i cant sleep so i wont try!!
i cannot get over harrison x preston!!
ive only watched 13 episodes of camp camp :<
coral smelt
its now 5:55 am
ive been looking at pictures of preston on pinterest for 20 minutes
maybe if i didnt ask jasper about camp camp then i wouldnt gotten some sleep guyz
guyz i know camp camp is old but plz let me enjoy it
i dont think ive gone 5 minutes without thinking of camp camp
im going insane
this thing has got me stimming and kicking my feet
this is why i preston
he is too sillily
guyz i need hlpe
i cannot stop thinkijf abt camp calp
send help
rn
itz will be ok
it wont last forever!!
i need some distractionz guyz
i cant not think about camp camp for 30 secondz
ill try to play pony town!!
okz i tried to play pony town butz i rlly wanted to make more camp camp cosplays and every time my mind would wonder somewhere besides camp camp, somehow it always goes back to camp camp
im going to explodes
me rn
lament badgerBOT
coral smelt
..
when i ate cereal this morning every single camp camp episode came into my head
i need to make camp camp cosplays rn
coral smelt
dude i keep making camp camp references
i also made nerris on pony town
im going to explode
i feel like whenever im upset camp camp is my escape
this morning, my parent was yelling at me for a small issue, and i was cryinf but when i got camp camp videos on my fyp on tiktok, i was immediately happy again
look at banana preston bro
dude yesterday i cleaned my trash and dishes and put them in the sink, and threw out the trash and everything, but when i didnt sleep last night, i was hungry so i was eating some peanut butter in my room, because its delicious, and i decided to go outside for a bit, but when i got back my mom had taken away my entire tv, because i had peanut butter in my room, and because of that, she considered my room to be not clean, and she got mad at me for it, even if the deal was that if i washed the dishes every week, then i could keep my tv, which i had done, but she still wouldnt give me the tv back, so when the rest of my family went to the park, i stayed home alone cleaning my room, the entire room, and it was my choice to as well. when I finsihed, i also decided to take out the trash, and clean the mess in the living room that my siblings had made, so that i was sure that i would get it back. i waited until the end of the day to ask for it back because my mom had said that for some reason, i "couldnt get it back in the same day", so at the end of the day, i asked my parents if i could have it back and they said no because i always "talk back and have attitude"!! even if every time we get into an argument, they yell at me and i try to stay calm with them, but every time i say something in my opinion from my point of view, they label it as backtalk, so i tell them that im just talking to them normally, and theyre the ones yelling, but their usual response is "i dont care", and it really hurts my feelings i think!!
one time my mom said that she didnt even care about my own feelings
i dont know if ill stay up too late this night because of it
i felt happier doing my own thing not interacting with anyone, but the thought of being super bored without it would drive me insane because ill be thinking of why she took it away and questioning that it was my fault and i deserved it, and i wont have much to do on my phone
i guess i can add a tint to my nerris cosplay in pony town
but almost all of my friends will be sleeping, or busy
ill try to sleep before 3 am
this is going to sound complicated but oh well
when i tint my pony town skins i take a screenshot of the skin and put it into ibis paint x, and add a layer or two and choose a color i want the tint to be, and lower the opacity of those two layers until the pony looks good under the tint, then i color pick the color hex codes and write them down on a piece of paper, also explaining the parts of the pony the color is attached to, and when the paper is finished, i go back on to pony town and write in the hex codes wherever the specific pony part is. i like to use 30 percent opacity of 645579 (indigo) and 10 percent opacity of 000000 (black), so my pony will have a dark indigo tint to it!! tints help the character look better, so that the colors match and look good together
for example i color dropped nerriss skin color from the sprite onto my pony, then i took a screenshot of the pony and added the dark indigo tint over it, then i can change the pony color to whatever the tinted pony color is
here is a picture of nerris!!
im will go to add the tint now!!
coral smelt
guys kelsey it alive!!
kel is wlieb
he isnt telling me what happened though :((
im going to explode
coral smelt
ive done nothing but play pony town and so many people recognized my nerris !!
m talking to kelsey rn!!
coral smelt
i feel like im getting less and less sleep every day
i didnt sleep tonight either and i didnt reach my sleep goal
now its 4:25 am
i was talking to jasper online on pony town and their mother had gotten mad at him for something they didnt do, so i tried to comfort him in private chat but he was too busy listening to their other friends trying to comfort them, while they were still in roleplay for some reason, even if it was serious, so i sent a paragraph or two comforting jasper but either he was busy or they were completely ignoring me. kelsey just went through something traumatic i think and he disappeared for a bit so i asked him if they were ok but i didnt get a response, even if i sent it at 3:44 am. i feel like if i try to comfort people they ignore me, and when i need to be comforted i ignore it, or i just type in here. i feel like i have nobody to talk to about it, even my close friends, because i dont want them to see me any differently
i feel like my mind would be all over the place if i hadnt found this server
i was in my nerris cosplay on pony town and a lot of people recognized and liked it, and i also made a new friend because of it i think. theres not a lot of camp camp cosplayers on pony town. next i think i will make harrison when my phone charges a bit more!! i also need to tint my other characters.
patiently waiting for the sun to come out so i can get this day over with
coral smelt
me when i have not properly slept in 2 days
coral smelt
2:11 am
coral smelt
dude are you ever so tired that you start to hear music beat for beat word for word inside your head even if you never knew the lyrics or understood the song?? me too!!
dude so i would be hearing the end of the song and i would think of another certain part of the song and it would immediately play, and i can restart any part of the song i want
specifically the song that goes "our little group has always been and always will until the end". i heard it in my head in order to help me type the lyrics, and as soon as i started typing it, it plays it, because im reading it
it doesnt do that with any other words though.
the entire song is playing dude
i might sound crazy rn
its been doing this for 7 minutes bro.
dude i let the entire song play and near the end the note continued for a bit before stopping and i cant get it to play anymore
explodes aggressively
nvm its back
help help
im going insane
i just let the song finish again
then i imagined the part and it went straight to it
im gaining power!!
this isnt good
why is this happening
so i would think of the specific part of the song, and it would like glitch for a moment before it starts playing without me being able to pause it
i need help dude
dude it also happens if i cover my ears
dude i just plugged my ears completely and i can hear a little girl screaming
im gonna cry
i heard a little girl screaming and a dog barking
nuh uh
i just got lightheaded dude
the music is not controllable sometimes
i think earlier i also heard my name being called from across the house
i couldnt recognize the voice
me rn
maybe playing pony town will help
coral smelt
ok maybe it was the silence
im ok now i think
jasper liked my harrison cosplay
my cousin also came to my house and we played doors together
ive had nothing but an apple all day and im dying
im happy that sunny from omori and that one flower scout from camp camp have something in common
missing eyes!!
i wanna change my pfp to preston but im matching with kelsey and its making me explode
now my entire family knows about my camp camp obsession
its so loud rn
i hear my brothers tablet, my cousin, my sister, my brother, the xbox game, sizzling steak, the air conditioner, my mom, and my step dad
im going to explode
i need to stop sending preston pictures
coral smelt
crying only makes my eyes burn more
i dont feel like explaining why im crying
m gonna play pony town!!
i feel like throwing up
coral smelt
im going insaneee
coral smelt
my upper arm is shaking violently
helpz
dude so many people know fine by lemon demon because it was trending on tiktok
its driving me insane
they dont know any other lemon demon songs
like hes such a good artist
somebody literally called it "the silly song"
im going to explode
my favorites by him are fine, eighth wonder, the ultimate showdown of ultimate destiny, and touch tone telephone
they are such bops!!
my upper arm is still shaking and idk why
dude today when i ate french toast this morning i felt like puking it out
i almost passed out then my parents got mad at me for wasting it
i hate small talk sm im going to explode
guyz my arm is exploding
maybe i didnt eat enough
today i had an apple, a few fries, and a cosmic brownie
i think im ok
now im being ignored by strangers
im dying
coral smelt
i made jasper in pony town and im half way done with his tint
ill finish the rest tomorrow because im actually feeling tired and relaxed for once
byebye
coral smelt
i got 5 hours of sleep i think
yayy
when i woke up i almost passed out due to the heat
explodes
coral smelt
arr you ever so hungry that you forget your hungry?? me too!!
my first goal is to memorize the camp camp theme song
my second goal to sing the camp camp theme song without tripping on my tounge
i can only remember the first part :<
coral smelt
dude im on season 4 episode 1 of camp camp and im exploding
ill finish it tomorrow night
its 1:21 am and ive watched camp camp all night
i also made max in pony town
i will add the tint to him tomorrow i think
tomorrow we are going to go swimming
tw : self harm
|| it wont help that i have self harm scars on my legs and arms, and ill be wearing a "girl" bathing suit, and i think thats what i will hate the most. it makes me not want to go swimming at all. it makes me feel like a girl. it makes me feel insecure ||
how do i change topics so quickly?1!?1!
this is my favorite preston picture!!
explodes
i feel like im quietly being judged by anybody reading my journals daily
too bad they cant say anything about it!! i like the freedom of these journals
my phone is slowly dying so i will spend as much time here as i can i think
my room is getting messy again
i will try to clean it as much as possible
now its 1:39 am and my phone has gone down 4 percent even if its on the charger
i hate this phone but i love it so much
if it dies ill have no choice but to try to sleep, because my parents took the remote for the tv, and without my phone i cant control the tv!!
what does the role new journal mean :<
im having a crisis again
idk if i should you he they she pronouns or only he they
its super painful when people use she her!!
guyz its 17 hours until the new down to earth episode on webtoon
im exploding
i dont have any coins for fast pass
:<
i generally want to know whag audience camp camp was made for
it has a bunch of swear words throughout all episodes, as well as adult topics, or nsfw topics, but it mainly focuses on children at a camp learning cheesy important life lessons and going on super fun adventures
i think its the perfect balance to be honest!!
i will marry whoever made that show
nsrs
dude i was watching a camp camp episode and nikki, neil, and max were watching a scary show, before david busted their butts and sent them to bed, and max was generally terrified of the show for a while and thought that david was an alien, but i for one thought that david was actually daniel, because he was being a good camp counselor for once, and!! he did a creepy facial expression that i think i recognized from daniel, so i was like "daniel?1!?1!" but the other characters thought that david was just an alien, so i let my theory slide, but then "david" literally revealed himself as daniel, and he had tied up the real david in the bunker!! i was super happy because i came up with that awesome theory all by myself!!
now it is 2:00 am so i will maybe just draw or write in my book.
explodes
coral smelt
i lied i actually read a book for an hour
i got really invested in it because it was so relatable!!
coral smelt
i made an walmart version of nerris on pony town
i played a fashion roulette on pony town too but i lost on the second round
i was hungrily so i made a peanut butter sandwich
only peanut butter and bread
my favoritez
now its 4:21 am
im generally questioning if im trans, but if i am, it would be too much trouble for me and everyone else for so many reasons
i would also probably get kicked out or forced to go to church if i came out
but i dont want to physically be a boy i think
i just feel like one
i dont want to be anything
my brain is telling me to stop stimming but i cant
one piece of the bread is a bit stale. when i took a bite im immediately thinking of poison.
suddenly i am not hungry
its crunchy
im superily scared for tomorrow
i got my tv back though. since i "talked back" last time, i forced myself to stay quiet when asking for it this time. maybe being quieter is the key
and i was able to watch camp camp!!
the daily check in channel not being hourly check in is making me explode
its helping me to remember when i did something, like i would question myself to remember if i already did it that day
it also helps me remember where i put things i think
whenever i need something i go to wherever i saw it last
maybe its just me using my brain
maybe i talk on this thing more than i should
i get daily and all but some people are making daily, professional entries and its making me explode
im over here talking about everything i can think of and sending random pictures of preston from camp camp that specifically describe my emotion at the moment
i love preston dude
because hes super expressionable
expressioniative
..
emotional
he express emotions bro
idk!!
i love how he is super serious and emotional about acting too!!
the scene could be focusing on something completely different and whenever i see preston i get superly excited and point at him!!
i love the animation style of camp camp too
whenever david screams it feels so real
best acting ever
i feel so bad for him when he screams :<
i love how the voices of each character also express who they arez!!
i love the outlineless style, which makes it related to south park i think
i love how expressive the characters are too, even if the screen isnt even focused on them
ok i love a lot about camp camp
explodes
my phone is actually charging since i started reading. now it is on 30%
and it is now 4:42 am
m sitting in my bed with my cat, pip, and listening to my spotify playlist!1!1!
post traumatic all-night long by salvia palth!!
another superly talented artist in my opinion
dude that one episode where david started crying had me crying
max was being soo meannn but at least it worked out in the end!!
im going to explode
its 4:47 am so if i am going to swimming tomorrow i think i will try to get rest.
byebye
okz i have cleaned a bit and i have thought of a superly good plan for tomorrow
ill wear shorts over the bathing suit
im superly good
ok now im actually going to try to rest now
byebye
coral smelt
i got a good rest i think
i woke up again and i got superly lightheaded because of the heat
but i also figured out that we are going swimming tomorrow instead so thats good i think
coral smelt
i made some art of preston x harrison on ibispaint x, but i didnt finish preston yet
im superly bored and my friend on pony town wont play with me!!
explodes
my arm is shaking violently again
coral smelt
its already 8 pm
explodes
m eating frosted flakes, listening to music, and playing pony town!!
coral smelt
now it is time the watch the final season of camp camp
ill probably cry when it ends
i also forced my sister to watch some camp camp tiktoks with me so now she likes it a bit too!!
m going to watch it now.
byebye
coral smelt
dude i could be exploded by a meteorite right now
coral smelt
im on season 4 episode 4 halfway mark
im going to explode
i feel like making sasha from camp camp in pony town!!
even if preston was happy even if he got tomatoes thrown at him, i felt superly bad for him and i actually started crying :((
i would defend him so much
coral smelt
i finished making sasha but i also need to add the tint to her
i didnt add the tint to max yet either but now i think i will read a book again while listening to musicz
ok but first i saw the new down to earth episode and i really hope stace does ruin kade and zaidas date
that episode had my screaming
ok now i will read!!
coral smelt
ok i read for an hour again
i always hated reading when it was school, because i had to, but now i have free will kinda, so i feel like reading if i want to
coral smelt
im superly bored and lonely so i will take a shower and pray that my parents dont hear me
dude i just saw a hybrid of a spider moth cricket thing and now im scared to go in the bathroom
plz send help
it was so zoomies
and he teleported near to me broz
my stupid childish self is literally imagining opening the shower curtain to an even bigger version of it and it brutally attacking me
explodes
this is why i hate summer
coral smelt
i lied
this is one of the many reasons i hate summer
there was an unidentifiable poisonously looking bug too and it flew at me, then soon the moth spider cricket came zoomies at me and i ran into the living room crying
so i got the bug spray and the bug kept flying at me
and idk where the spider is
and im so scared and traumatized by it all that when i saw a moth i screamed like a little girl
also i think i inhaled bug spray
screw the shower
the shower can die
now its 2:34 am
started seeing things dude
tears are forming
dude since i started watching camp camp i might have searched it up on tiktok and liked a few videos, so soon it started appearing on my for you page
i followed multiple camp camp creators
i made camp camp videos
i got camp camp mutuals
and since my friend jasper is also a fan of camp camp
they also have camp camp mutuals
and i can become mutuals with their camp camp mutuals
explodes
i made my bed
now theres only one pillow
and one blanket
there is nothing everywhere and i like it
there was too many textures and tangle before
now maybe i can also wake up without almost passing out
i definitely inhaled some of that bug spray
i can not stop coughing
dude ive noticed
that neil from camp camp always does the dinosaur hand thing
t rex hands!!
theres no way he doesnt have autism
he has shown multiple signs of autism and is also obsessed with science!!
david screaming is the best thing ever
i love the voice actor for that
dude speaking of voice actors
rooster teeth literally confirmed that nerris, neil, and max are getting new voice actors!!
and they showed multiple sneak peeks of a new episode that will be releasing soon i think
it looks like theyre in an art museum!! im am super excited but i wont watch it until i finish season 4
which will be tomorrow night i think
coral smelt
i just finished making my entirety of my accounts and pages preston from camp camp
besides discord
because i cant!!
cus that will be superly mean
now everytime i am sad i can look at my keyboard and see preston and harrison!!
currently my lock screen is the omori black space light bulb
and when u unlock it, it turns into white space!!
i really want to make it preston and harrison and camp camp themed
and i will
when i feel like it!!
i already have all the icons are widgets needed
maybe i will do it tomorrow
or
in a year!!
now it is 3:15 am
dude i was playing a game with my sister on the xbox and i think it was a cart game on roblox
she told me to go fast and i said : "nuh uh, thats dangerous!"
idk why i just did and my sister thought it was so cute
i might say that more often now
if im ever to change my pfp on here
then i think it will be very good
because cailyn and hunter know that im obsessed with omori
i blocked them and unblocked them, and the first time i did hunter found me because of my omori pfp
so if i have a camp camp profile picture then they cant find me!!
dude last night i was playing pony town with jasper and they were literally vocal stimming but typing it
and idk if thats how it works but it was superly cute!!
i do not think my mom cares enough to check on me a lot at night
but i am fine with that!!
i can feel my own veins
thats superly cool
dude whenever im watching camp camp
nerris would be called she her by the other campers
and it would make me explode
like
nerris is obviously non binary
they identify as an elfkin
theyre obsessed with magic and wizards
look!!
the colors can not be coincidence
its so empty on my bed now
it is superly comfortable
why is this other journalist comparing hearts to shards
help
me
dude for me
south park hit me hard
omori hit harder
and camp camp exploded me
yippee level 17!!
coral smelt
ive been watching camp camp tiktoks for an hour!!
now it is 4:35 am
so i will not try and rest for tomorrow
now
i meant i will now do that
i promise
byebye!!
coral smelt
the creatures are gone from the bathroom so i just took a shower
i havent talked to kelsey in 3 days and they havent responded to any of my messages
he always has his status as invisible so i cant if their online or not
coral smelt
my step dad keeps yelling at my little brother even if he said that he would stop
he keeps mistreating him and whenever i would try to talk to him about it, he would also yell at me saying its none of my business
even if the whole time, the entire family is sitting there listening to it all
the whole reason my mom and my step dad broke up is because my mom wanted me to be happy, and i wasnt happy with him
but she got back together with him because he promised that he would stop yelling
coral smelt
he keeps mistreating him and whenever i would try to talk to him about it, he wo...
when he tells me that it makes me not want to tell him anything
positive or negative
i dont know if my real dad would yell as well but i miss him either way
coral smelt
kelsey hasnt responded yet
coral smelt
no respondies
but i spent most of the day playing with jasper
me and him made skins together and they introduced me to their sister
i made erin and tabii from camp camp and the remade his neil
and for some reason tonight is the only night im tired
and im positive there is swimming tomorrow
so i will try to rest early this time
night night
coral smelt
back againz
i also had a dream about camp camp
its so
hot
i need wwaterr
i was awoken at 12:47 am by the feeling of heat
i got 3 different cold drinks
cold water
cood sprite
and cold milk
and i used the sweet sounds of jasper from camp camp getting exploded in order to navigate the darkness without getting scared
now i dont know if i should go back to sleep or stay up
i have swimming tomorrow so i dont want to be tired
but i dont feel tired right now
so how can i sleep
i got 4 hours of sleep already
explodes
i have a fan in my room too but that never works
i generally thought it was 5 am instead because in my dream it was sunrise
my dream was where i saw max and jasper standing together, and then out of nowhere, jasper got exploded by some tnt, but he did not oof, and instead max oofed. then it ended!!
since i thought it was already 5 am, when i looked outline i was superly confused because where i live, it starts getting bright at 5.
coral smelt
i tried playing a fashion roulette on pony town but i just ended up finger tapping to music
ill try doing that until i fall asleep
coral smelt
ok i fell asleep again but i woke up at 5 am to my camp camp alarm and it immediately brought me joy
so in total i got 7 or 8 hours of sleep i think!!
my eyes burn because of the fan blowing air :<
nobody has messaged me
no dms
no group chats
dude theres some songs by my most liked music artists that i didnt even know existed
like adam by alex g
where has it been all my life
dude i remember a year ago i think i was sitting in bed and i randomly started crying so i made myself stop and i researched why
it said i had depression
so i started crying more
dude ive lied in bed for 22 minutes doing nothing but thinking
i miss my cavetown obsession
during fall i would listen to cavetown every day on the bus going to school
it was superly cold and dark out at that time
my favorite was meteor shower
i like going to school way more than summer
i would rather do an hour of math every day for a year than do summer
school was exciting because i had made so much friends
in 6th grade there was a group i admired, but the rest of the school groups considered them to be "emo", but i didnt care
kelsey happened to be one of them
one of their names is koray, who i admired the most
he is superly independent and cool
most of their group had dyed hair and i was superly jealous of them
when i grew closer to kelsey in 6th grade, i found out what their discord was, so i could talk to him more
soon after that, kelsey gave me a lot of the groups discords like keith, koray, deacon and callisto
i dont think callisto liked me very much because they would never talk to me, and she would always ignore me when i messaged him
i already wrote about the drama with deacon but i think thats kinda what made me want to go to school, since i didnt know what would happen with him that day
idk
me and koray didnt talk a lot but when we did it was like we understood each other a lot
since i got above a 3.5 grade point average, i got to be in the national junior honors society, and so did koray because their really smart, like the smartest kid in school
when i got there we immediately looked for each other
koray was wearing a dress, without a care about what other kids thought of him
on field day since we were in 7th grade, we went to the 6th grade field day to help the 6th graders with the activities, and i was superly alone and bored since i didnt have a job to do
but after keith finished with his job, he offered to get me some food and drinks and candy, since he had brought a lot of money
i was superly happy about it
we just sat in the shade near the concession stand and ate our food, or the grass
when it was lunch time, me, callisto, keith, koray, and a few eighth graders sat at a lunch table since we were already at the concession stand, and we all ate lunch together
after that i was able to help get the food and stuff ready for the next group with them and i was superly grateful about that
especially since that was close to the end of the school year
at the beginning of summer break me and kelsey talked a lot but we havent talked for a while in like two weeks
and they havent responded to any of my messages yet and im starting to get worried about him
now its 5:40 am and i can see the sunn
dude i was so tired last night for no reason
i didnt feel like playing on my phone
or reading
or watching camp camp
or anything else
i got tiredness out of nowhere
coral smelt
my step dad is always rude now dude
when i used to talk in a "rude tone" my parents would get mad at me and tell me to stop, so i did
but now when i try to talk to them "normally" they label it as back talk, or even rude tone even if im completely calm
and today my step dad was talking in a rude tone to me ever since he woke up
when i try to talk to him normally he says that he isnt trying to argue with me and i say that im not either but he gets mad either way
it just upsets me that he didnt keep his promise to me or my mom
i wish i could play with jasper but he isnt online
nobodys on pony town and nobodys on discord
my step dad got mad at me for "talking back" so i cant play roblox at all
and we go swimming in 4 hours
im superly bored and alone
now its 8 am
coral smelt
max is superly adorable when hes happy or when he smiles even if he only smiled 1.5 times!!
3 more hours :<
coral smelt
sometimes i forget that i cant have food in my room, so when my step dad yells at me for it, he tries to gaslight me into thinking i didnt forget, even if he has no say as to what i remember
but i got to play with jasper
me and them went into a rating line together and we both got 9/10
now jasper is with his other friend so i might add a tint to my erin cosplay
coral smelt
dude im starting to feel like we arent going swimming at all
because it got postponed again
yippeee
coral smelt
i finished camp camp
and im exploding
also i was misinformed
neil isnt the one getting a new voice actor, its max nerris and gwen
i was superly excited at first but then after watching a few tiktoks about it
ive came to the realization that the voices might not be the same!!
nerriss voice was so perfect and i actually started crying :((
i dont want it to changee :<
coral smelt
maybe everyone decided just to stop talking to me
anywayz i lost track of time and now its 6:06 am and i woke up to my camp camp alarm again
my phone still isnt charging
we might on a 50/50 chance go swimming today and im superly scared
and my entire body hurts for some reason
coral smelt
ive rewatched 3 episodes of camp camp and now its 7:01 am
im still dying and nobody else is awake besides my nocturnal brother
coral smelt
wearing this bathing suit makes me want to cry
first of all its super uncomfortable
tw : self harm
|| it reveals my arms and legs so it also reveals my self harm scars, so i hope people dont notice it ||
i hope there wont be a lot of people there
it also makes me upset because im insecure
we go there at 10 am or later i think
its superly tight on my skin and i hate it
at least its a one piece
also the power cut off so camp camp did too
i was on episode 6 :<
coral smelt
its getting superly hard to breathe and my entire body is shaking
im terrified bro
idk why!!
my mom got onto me for watching camp camp because of what gwen was doing that night on season 4 but little does she know i already finished camp camp
she lets me watch south park so i really dont get it!!
me rn
it is 9:43 am now but i do not know when we are going
nobody has messaged me :<
coral smelt
ok
im actually going swimming later today
in the afternoon
also i tried to talk to jasper but they went offline
coral smelt
people who simp for david and daniel from camp camp literally terrify me
i also suppose david x daniel is a good ship if they didnt literally hate each other
and i thought they were siblings at first since they looked alike but i heard rooster teeths podcast about it so they arent
i want to stay out of the shipping drama but i found out that my friend jasper ships them so ill try to get used to it!!
coral smelt
im about to faint bro
im wear a two piece bathing suit, and the top of a bathing suit over that, shorts over that, and a shirt over that
i have short here but it is not short enough
i hate my tight shoes
the air conditioner is not air conditioning
and all the popsicles are melted
the group chat became active for a bit but i was not on my phone at that time
nobody else messaged me
so i will add a tint to my sasha skin
coral smelt
i am back from swimming
going underwater was like an escape bro
i could not hear anything!!
i was superly self conscious the entire time but at least i had fun i think
i also bought some ice cream afterwards
so i am ok i think
better than you by camp camp is stuck in my head!! :<
also kelsey did message me
but then he deleted it
and then when i sent a message they insulted me
so
im gonna
maybe just
do something
maybe make a dumb dragon puppet with my sister
coral smelt
nevermind i lied i am not doing that because i do not feel like it and kelsey has not messaged me back so i will go to remake my preston skin on pony town because i hate it
coral smelt
kelsey changed their pfp so i changed mine to preston!!
also i remade my preston skin and i like it a lot more now
i just need to add a tint to him
coral smelt
i added a tint to preston and i like him a lot more now
i played with jasper the whole day but now my phone is almost dead
and my step dad bought the game pass so i can do everything in omori now
and my parents wont be back from a funeral until 10 pm tonight
and kelsey said that they will be missing a lot now
i dont know why
but he has not said anything else
coral smelt
me and omori have reunited
yippee
i also rewatched a camp camp episode and i got the idea to make vera on pony town
these hours have been superly relaxing being home alone
coral smelt
explodes