#Thoughts on Intro?

1 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

pseudo dagger
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Video is titled: Asking 100 College Students Their Biggest Regret (Freshman → Senior)

[0:00–0:03]
[3 rapid clips: freshman laughing "I don't really have any" → junior looking down "I wish I..." → senior voice breaking]
[0:03–0:06]
[Zoom out: you in middle of 100 students]
"I asked 100 college students their biggest regret—"
[0:06–0:10]
[Cut to freshman, carefree]
"—from freshmen who think they have all the time in the world..."
[0:10–0:13]
[Cut to senior, devastated]
"...to seniors who wish they could start all over again."
[0:13–0:18]
[Back to you, direct to camera]
And I'm about to show you every single one — because as someone who just graduated, I wish someone made this video before I wasted four years."
[0:18–0:24]
[Pop-pop-pop B-roll: empty dorm, unanswered texts, alone at party]
"From Friendships I let die... opportunities I was too scared to take... time I'll never get back."
[0:24–0:27]
[Beat. Music drops completely.]
"But I can't go back and fix any of it." ( — and neither can you.) (maybe cut this part)

[0:27–0:32]
[Music starts building, you staring directly at camera with intensity]
"So I'm showing you what students regret at every stage — from freshman to senior —"
[0:32–0:36]
[Voice gets harder, more urgent]
"— so you know exactly what not to do..."
[0:36–0:38]
[Beat. Close-up of your face, vulnerable/regretful expression]
"...and don't end up like me."
[0:38–0:39]
[FREEZE FRAME on your regretful face + heavy sound effect/silence]
[0:39–0:40]
[Quick fade to black]
[0:40]
[Hard cut to first freshman interview — bright, energetic]

cloud thorn
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Very wild to see

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Wait

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Exactly this intro

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"From innocent girls to serial killers." ---> "I'm going to rank then all"

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Very same energy

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But I didn't find it compelling enough

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So now I use conflict

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And you can feel the difference

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I don't wanna force my style on you tho

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Just sharing how I used to write like you

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And how I've evolved to something I think is better

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We all got our own styles

pseudo dagger
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Liek input bias, opening a loop, confirming the click etc.

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@cloud thorn

cloud thorn
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Ooo the Colon and Samir growth playbook

cloud thorn
void chasmBOT
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gigachadjesusalt has been warned

Reason: Bad word usage

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gigachadjesusalt has been warned

Reason: Bad word usage

pseudo dagger
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Oh yea for sure I’m adding clips of people

cloud thorn
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oh so that's just the direction you're looking for

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Not the exact sound bites

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I think those specific quotes are confusing because they don't specifically say regret

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Vague

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(vague can be good, curiosity)

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Oh I know

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First soundbite

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You move your arm towards someone

"Do you have any regrets?"

THEN you play those soundbites @pseudo dagger

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That confirms the click better

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And adds context to why people are saying

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"I don't have any"

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Then people don't have to say regret

cloud thorn
# pseudo dagger Video is titled: Asking 100 College Students Their Biggest Regret (Freshman → Se...

"do you have any regrets?" ---> soundbites "I don't have any" "I wish" "etc" ---> "I asked 100 college students their biggest regrets" ---> but (this is where you should place the but, get rid of the "from freshmen to seniors part". Also get rid of "and I'm about to show you every single one" that's TELLING. You want to SHOW. It's already assumed that you're gonna show them lol. Lines like this are why AI is bad, it can look good from a first impression but it's dragging on an intro that could be shorter AND you could add the BUT sooner, which is more important) ----> BUT <problem("I feel like I wasted my time in college blah blah")> therefore "I'm making the video I wish I had before I wasted 4 years in college"

Something along those lines

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Thank God Jon didn't delete this lmfao

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I'd be so mad

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I kinda butchered the end

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But you got the idea

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GET TO THE POINT.

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Get rid of filler

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Ai looooves filler

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You've got conflict, that's amazing @pseudo dagger

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Your personal experience

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Your regret

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That's what goes after the BUT (like in the playbook)

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Honestly I'd rewrite the playbook

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Get rid of the BUT

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And define that as conflict

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Like he's cooking MrBeast

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He confirms the click

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Then he introduces conflict

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MrBeast is trash at cooking

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Then he gives cues for how the video will progress

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"therefore I'm gonna teach MeBeast how to cook 😎"

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That's just me tho

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"do you have any regrets?" ---> soundbites "I don't have any" "I wish" "etc" ---> "I asked 100 college students their biggest regrets" ---> <put conflict here, your pain with college> <Therefore, I'm making this video so others don't make the same mistakes in college as me>

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Make sense? @pseudo dagger

I removed the filler

Got straight to conflict

1 - confirm click
2 - conflict
3 - cues for progression

pseudo dagger
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Gotcha but the from freshman to seniors is imortsnt though because part of the video is seeing the difference between answers of freshman and seniors

pseudo dagger
cloud thorn
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That could be the conflict

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Hmm

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That's really interesting

pseudo dagger
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The main part I’m making this video is to help peope going into college know what not to do and not make the same mistakes I did while also seeing the differences in answers between the freshman and seniors

pseudo dagger
cloud thorn
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THEN COMMUNICATE THAT

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That's not the impression I get from "from freshmen to seniors"

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"I'm making this video is to help people going into college know what not to do and not make the same mistakes I did"

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Literally use this in the intro

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Gold

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To the point

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"do you have any regrets?" ---> soundbites "I don't have any" "I wish" "etc" ---> "I asked 100 college students their biggest regrets. I'm making this video to help people going into college know what not to do and not make the same mistakes I did"
@pseudo dagger

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"we're going to start with juniors and progress higher and higher to seniors. Starting with our first junior"

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Something like that

pseudo dagger
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So I'm showing you what students regret at every stage — from freshman to senior —"
[0:32–0:36]
[Voice gets harder, more urgent]
"— so you know exactly what not to do..."
[0:36–0:38]
[Beat. Close-up of your face, vulnerable/regretful expression]
"...and don't end up like me."

I say it in this exact line

cloud thorn
pseudo dagger
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Yep

cloud thorn
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Oh I see that's in the original

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I didn't read the full thing

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Just the first part

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Too long lol

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Fillller

cloud thorn
pseudo dagger
cloud thorn
pseudo dagger
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Hmm ok. But I just felt like it was necessary to say hey I’m showing you all 100 interviews to learn

cloud thorn
pseudo dagger
pseudo dagger
cloud thorn
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We got different perspectives 💪