#ROAST my new Short!!

1 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

mossy nexus
wet zephyr
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The only thing I notice is there's a deflated sound effect that happens when you say, "will she like it?" & I think it clashes. Like, maybe the spund effect should be more suspenseful feeling?

wet zephyr
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I really like it when you lock your eyes on the camera with that smile while you are doing other things. It's like- your thing. I would have liked maybe a shot of you tossing one item in a basket while looking at camera. I think it was maybe a little less engaging when you showed the items in a row with not as much face as we are used to. ❤️

mossy nexus
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interesting observations!! will keep this in mind for the future videos

thank you so much 🙏

pearl urchin
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Is there a reason every letter is lowercase? Like the "I" for example is lowercase. Other than that your storytelling is lovely.

wet zephyr
mossy nexus
mossy nexus
candid thunder
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I like it @mossy nexus - another way you could have done the hook imo is cut out “Valentine’s Day is around the corner” since that is known, and start with “my grandma doesn’t have a valentine, but I only have $5…”

wet zephyr
sonic pike
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You did it all backwards.

The story here isn't the cost of the gift. It's your relationship with your grandma.

20 seconds in you say something about "it's here first x without Y and I really need to make it special"

that's how you should have started.

Instead you start with a limiting position. "Valentines day" this loses relevance outside of the holiday. And, not all countries celebrate Valentines day on this day/month.

Your pacing is wacky. Overall it feels to slow. But, that's because you never really slow down.

Instead of "I re used old packaging blah blah will she even like it" keep that same packing up visual but just short and sweet on the audio "I really hope she likes it" then hit the viewer with some silence and let your grandma take over.

You're leading too strong on a story you've already explained. cut out the phrasing "I gave her the gift" like go right from that silence into your hand off / grandma's joy.

Hot take on this part: I don't like how you translated her words. I think her face and tone are loud enough the viewer gets it. Don't take away her language. might mess with your format. because you keep words rolling on screen. that's fine put her words as her words.

high harness
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I hate that I don't have any feedback for you haha I love it! I agree with @sonic pike that it could have started with "your grandma doesn't have a valentine" and that the story is about your grandma BUT I know your niche is saving money, etc so to me it does make sense to highlight that more than your grandma.

winter agate
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I really like your shorts, Jenny! Your grandma and grandpa in them as taste testers and such is amazing. If this one underperforms I speculate it is due to the first second and bouquet. That’s just never going to perform like a Starbucks drink. I would rinse and repeat on all the frugal copycat items

signal crescent
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Its a great short jenny!! And clearly based on the performance of your content you have cracked the code already 😁 As others suggested I feel like there might have been a little space to potentially lean more into the fact that its your grandmas first valentine alone. Even if its just one sentence saying how your grandpa passed away last year so you want to make her feel extra loved. But overall, you are killing it!!

mossy nexus
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thanks everyone!! appreciate the feedback!

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i'm always looking to improve the content so if anyone ever has feedback (for any of my shorts), feel free to LMK!

^ i'm more than happy to do the same for you guys 🙌

subtle dome
# mossy nexus thanks everyone!! appreciate the feedback!

maybe hook: "$5 Valentines Gift? My grandma doesn't have a valentine. So I went to the $1.25 store and... xyz". The line "valentines day around the corner" is wasted imo because after valentines day this short wont be relevant, id rather you just keep it ambiguous so it can still be viewed after.

Side question: how do you do your captions one by one? App or manually?

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upon rewatching a few times, yeah i think a viewer would scroll in the first 5 seconds if they dont care about your grandma.

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(sorry grammy!)

mossy nexus
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thanks for the feedback!! looking back at it, i think that would've been a stronger hook for sure

i usually do those types of hooks, but wanted to experiment.. wasn't the right move 😭