#Colorless Tsukuru Tazaki and His Years of Pilgrimage - Haruki Murakami, Philip Gabriel

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uncut spearBOT
uncut spearBOT
uncut spearBOT
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@lapis dragon,@queen vale,@digital bison,@fathom spade,@worthy apex,@river phoenix,@burnt ibex,@pallid patrol,@smoky solar,@iron pelican,@hasty pilot,@proper plinth,@frail relic,@spice blade,@stable warren,@wooden moss

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Hello everyone and welcome to the BR for Colorless Tsukuru Tazaki and His Years of Pilgrimage. Apologies for the late announcement on this but the BR leader is currently unavailable so I will be covering.

This BR will run until May 30th so still plenty of time to get to this one.

Some discussion questions - answer those that you wish to 😊:

  1. What made you want to join this BR?
  2. Have you read any Murakami before or is this your first time?
  3. Do you think anything can be lost or gained when translating works?
  4. What do you think the book's title could mean? Why might Tsukuru Tazaki be colorless?
  5. What does your cover look like?
  6. When are you planning to read this?

Happy reading everyone ❤️

uncut spearBOT
wooden moss
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I've read it before. But for the last chapter I had to skim just to know the ending right away.
I join this BR to take my sweet time and audiobook it for myself.

smoky solar
# uncut spear Hello everyone and welcome to the BR for Colorless Tsukuru Tazaki and His Years ...
  1. I liked a few Murakami books and want to keep exploring
  2. Oh reading the next question just now, yes kek My fav is The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle
  3. For sure! "Translation means doing violence upon the original, it means warping and distorting it for foreign, unintended eyes. So, where does that leave us? How can we conclude except by acknowledging that an act of translation is always an act of betrayal?"
  4. That he feels depressed, alone, isolated, different?
  5. I don't have one yet. I checked my library has an audiobook and was happy and it turns out they have the audiobook on CDs?! Do I look like I have anything to play CDs on? kekCry I will buy the audiobook myself soon-ish
  6. That is a good question. Probably not soon. Still have a few books scheduled sweat_cat I am never right with getting my reading plans accurate but will say March/April but more March
stable warren
# uncut spear Hello everyone and welcome to the BR for Colorless Tsukuru Tazaki and His Years ...
  1. The cover appealed to me and since the BR goes through May I don't have many other books planned out that far in advance.
  2. This will be my first time.
  3. Yes, I think nuances of the language can be lost when translating works.
  4. I recently read Invisible Man by Ralph Ellison in which it meant that he was not paid attention to by others and colorless in this title makes me think the same thing. Like Tsukuru Tazaki might be completing a pilgrimage in which he is not even seen.
  5. I will borrow from the library and don't have it yet so I'll share the cover when I get it.
  6. Not sure yet when I will read this. I have a lot stacked up but I expect to get to this in April or beginning of May.
fathom spade
smoky solar
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So glad I said "Probably not soon. Still have a few books scheduled sweat_cat I am never right with getting my reading plans accurate but will say March/April but more March" because I am indeed not accurate with my plans, will start today pepemegaSUCC

lapis dragon
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ooh I hope you enjoy!

smoky solar
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Chapter 1 || Immediately sets up Murakami’s atmosphere of alienation, death, melancholy and whatever that is kek Intrigued to learn more ||

smoky solar
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Chapter 3 || Okay we get some depression, struggling with sense of self, body changes. Not bad so far, actually wanna know more about the story with friends. Also classic weird dream with a woman ofc. ||

smoky solar
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Chapter 6 || Lots of colours. Weird dream like story about Haida's father. And now we are seeing Sara casually forcing Tsukuru into doing something he doesn't want/didn't think about doing. I mean one thing is to say "seems like you have some unresolved issue, you should take care of them first" and the other "seems like you have some unresolved issue and after knowing you for not that long I certeinly know what it is so you need to do as I say to fix it, trust bro. Oh and did I mention no sex till then? Yeah, no sex till then. Give me names I will stalk them." ||

smoky solar
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Chapter 9 || I will skip any comments about dreams with Haida and Shiro and Kuro BlobGrimaceAlthough the problem of proving to himself his own heterosexuality and not accepting possibility of Haida could be interesting. Finally we get to the point I am interested in which is those friends, how they changed, what happened etc. I think if done right it can be really interesting to see so I am intrigued which direction this will go. Wonder what happened to Shiro ||

smoky solar
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Chapter 11 || Okay but like wtf. Why would Shiro say that and why would they just never contact him again just like that. Aka literally confessed he knew the story wasn't right, details not adding up, thinking she had mental health issues and leaving the whole situation just like that? Yeah... Also ofc it's about Shiro a woman turning somehow ugly. Murakami am I right?||

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Will finish this one today BE_Stronk

smoky solar
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Chapter 15 || Firstly what a weird story about fingers in a jar. And seeing feet of Haida while he is swimming. Pretty random lol. Anyway it is pretty slow and boring? Especially a few last chapters. Literally nothing happens some fillers about searching food, talking with little girls, renting a car blah blah. I also kinda expected his meetings with the friend would be more... revolutionary kek I don't know just more ||

smoky solar
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Finished! Writing my thoughts in a moment there is not much really

smoky solar
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Okay so || It was okay, but nothing special. The story had an interesting setup, but it never really went anywhere. I liked the themes of loneliness and identity, but they could have been explored better. The classic dreams vs. reality theme was okay. Like I mentioned before, it was sometimes too slow and too boring, with some major pacing issues. The mystery of why they abandoned Tsukuru was intriguing, but the payoff wasn’t that satisfying, especially since we never actually find out who raped Shiro in the end. It had some nice moments, but overall, it left me feeling like something was missing. I kept waiting for something big to happen, but it never did. Not sure if I’m satisfied with this open ending with Sara either. I have definitely read better Murakami books. || Still enjoyed 3/5 star_shiny

hasty pilot
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anyone looked up the piano pieces mentioned in it?

lapis dragon
hasty pilot
hasty pilot
uncut spearBOT
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@lapis dragon,@queen vale,@digital bison,@worthy apex,@river phoenix,@burnt ibex,@pallid patrol,@smoky solar,@iron pelican,@hasty pilot,@proper plinth,@frail relic,@spice blade,@stable warren,@wooden moss

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Just a quick check-in! Is anyone currently reading this one?

📕Finished: Intro

uncut spearBOT
hasty pilot
stable warren
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I haven't started yet. I plan to read in late April to early May.

lapis dragon
frail relic
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I will probably get to read it around May!

lilac pilot
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i‘m joining this 🫡

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getting my book today

lapis dragon
lilac pilot
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CH 1 ||the first pages already a bit too relatable for my liking 😭😭😭 depression and your friends just dropping you randomly one day? is this about me back in 2019 kekCry||

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||also i appreciate murakami so much for his ability to put melancholy and moods into books so effortlessly||

lilac pilot
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CH 4 ||ooh that‘s the reason for the title i‘m assuming? i started listening to the collection while reading rn to hopefully get more immersed a_agree_cat_nod_ok_yes||

lilac pilot
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CH 5 ||i‘d trust NO ONE that wants to get rid of their death sentence that that 'token' would come with superpowers LMAOO||

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||especially not if it‘s as 'trivial' as seeing someone‘s aura??||

lilac pilot
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lowkey obsessed with this book

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i need more time to read bruh

lapis dragon
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maybe I need to bump this up my TBR

lilac pilot
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CH 7/8 ||i cannot read the word 'semen' anymore and i love that TT‘s conclusion from everything so far is 'maybe i need to touch a woman irl to have friends again LMAOO /nsrs||

lilac pilot
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CH 12 ||yo that took a turn 😭 the last few paragraphs of this book are killing me rn because it's such an interesting narrative. knowing murakami it'll probably be magical realism for real but honestly challenging the view of a rapist who is convinced 'has done nothing wrong' is very intriguing (if done right) and sure very complex whitemanthink||

lilac pilot
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||and i say this as a murakami book enjoyer just as a heads up||

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CH 16

||They didn't speak. Words were powerless now. Like a pair of dancers who had stopped mid-step, they simply held each other quietly, giving themselves up to the flow of time. Time that encompassed both past and present, and even a portion of the future.||
Murakami, I ||forgive you for all the weirdness for passages like this sobAUGH||

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4.5/5 ⭐ I finally have a book for my favourites of 2025 shelf getpidgeond
||I so loved this, this was everything you want from a Murakami book. It's a surreal mess filled with melancholy, confusion, loneliness and weirdness. Certain parts could have been developed better or more thoroughly but I'm kinda used to this man explaining nuthin' if he doesn't feel like it kekCry
Open endings can work, I just don't think it payed off in this case, something was just missing. IMO either give us the resolution with Sara or something else entirely but it was basically just nothing and while I still enjoyed reading it, it kinda takes away from the overall experience of the book in retrospective for me... a_cute_sip_stare_think||

queen vale
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Mfw when one of my best friends loves a book by one of my favourite authors elmofire

lilac pilot
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I love Murakami in general as well SUCC This was exactly what I hoped it would be faceChefsKiss

uncut spearBOT
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@lapis dragon,@queen vale,@digital bison,@worthy apex,@river phoenix,@burnt ibex,@pallid patrol,@smoky solar,@iron pelican,@hasty pilot,@proper plinth,@frail relic,@stable warren,@wooden moss,@versed void

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Hey everyone! We have around a month left of this buddy read. It's been a little quiet so far but still plenty of time to pick this up. We've had some decent reviews of this so far so I hope you all enjoy it.

If you haven't started yet, when are you thinking of doing so?

Finished: Intro, rin

Happy reading everyone ♡

uncut spearBOT
versed void
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I’m reading #1361365172744355911 right now, then I’ll be heading to #1355467147928666222 and then this one a_b_whale_uwu 🫶

stable warren
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Started this!

stable warren
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I've been listening to the audiobook while doing chores. Already through chapter 5 : || At first I wasn't sure about this because it seems very tangential and not a strong plot but after listening for awhile I'm really interested. It seems like this pilgrimage is Tsukuru's self-discovery after the upset of his friends rejecting him. I'm also enjoying the colorless reference for Tsukuru. So many of the people he knows have a color in their names and now this Jazz pianist is able to see the "color and glow" of people. While many of the conversations seem unrelated, they are deep conversations that seem to be helping Tsukuru process his self-identity. ||

stable warren
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Chapter 7: || This dream situation is pretty weird. I'm glad Hiata didn't disappear completely. ||

stable warren
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Chapter 16: || This whole rape story by Shiro is interesting given the graphic dreams Tsukuru has had involving her and Kuro and this idea that he wasn't sure if the situation with Haida was real. It's like he has a warped sense of reality and her saying that he has two sides has me thinking maybe he actually was involved in her rape and later her murder. ||

magic ingot
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  1. Murakami has been one of my favourite authors. I love to explore and see what others think.
  2. I have read almost all his books except Absolutely on Music.
  3. I think most authors when they translate any particular work they gain a lot more insight and depth and eventually it hones their own writing.
  4. Reread this recently and everytime there is a new detail that I find fascinating after rereading any Murakami's works.
stable warren
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Finished! I give this 3.5/5. || I enjoyed the reflective nature of this story and found myself pausing fairly often to think through the view points of the various characters. I also enjoyed that we were left without knowing what happens between Tsukuru and Sara. I found the pace to be pretty slow, though, and while I enjoyed the mysterious nature of plot points such as Haita just leaving and the pianist that said he could see the colors of people's auras, I felt like we were left hanging with too many unanswered questions. I enjoyed many of the metaphors but found the train station ones a bit triggering after trudging through Atlas Shrugged. ||

hasty pilot
ocean furnaceBOT
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Does it affect you
when people critisize him
for mysoginy?

- theonlysn
magic ingot
hasty pilot
magic ingot
uncut spearBOT
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@lapis dragon,@queen vale,@digital bison,@worthy apex,@river phoenix,@burnt ibex,@pallid patrol,@smoky solar,@iron pelican,@hasty pilot,@frail relic,@stable warren,@wooden moss,@versed void

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🚨 After 4 months this buddy read finishes next week 🚨

This is your friendly reminder to make a start if you haven't already. Totally looking at myself there.

I'll be back with another announcement next week with questions for those who have read this. Happy reading!

uncut spearBOT
iron pelican
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I might be in for an extension but I'm hoping I can start this soon!

queen vale
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I start SUCC

iron pelican
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I’m going to be starting this tonight too! Just getting through #1365686986970628127 now

iron pelican
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I’ve read (or rather, listened) until Ch.4 and so far it feels very different from other Murakami books I’ve read. ||It reads the same natural and simplistic style that I associate with his writing sans weird kinks, cats, and everything else that makes Murakami MURAKAMI? Definitely liking it so far though and quite intrigued. The friends dropping a friendship out of the blue and Tazaki just going about without confronting or anything like it cannot get more Japanese than that omg I love how Sara’s sort of making him talk it out and like I really like the way certain themes are being addressed here||

iron pelican
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Until Ch.6
||I really like the fact that Sara makes her needs clear and is basically helping Tsukuru to deal with his baggage first. I feel like this isn’t usually addressed in books and I’m liking the way it’s done here. Also, idk that other guy’s in the previous chapter (I’m listening to the audiobook so names are a bit difficult) but his dad’s story was interesting ||

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Ch.7
||Now it feels like Murakami omg

It’s just so sad though, the way being left alone is such a deep embedded fear of Tsukuru now. I can’t imagine how it must feel to be ghosted so abruptly by your besties||

hasty pilot
iron pelican
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Ch.9
||Okay, this was interesting. I have a feeling about what caused them all to cut him off and it’s connected to his weird dreams but not gonna mention now cuz I’ll be embarrassed if it turns out I was completely off omg ||

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Ch.10
||I was right omg
This is some 1Q84 shit going on here like that can be one of the possible explanations but whyyy Murakami omg ||

hasty pilot
ocean furnaceBOT
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Omg you're right..
for some reason I thought this
was from the 90s 🤦‍♀️

- theonlysn
hasty pilot
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Wow I seem to be a natural at this

iron pelican
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Ch. 11
||Such interesting developments, I'm really enjoying this book catBongoHearts ||

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Ch.16
||It’s interesting how none of the friends believed Shiro yet cut Tsukuru off so harshly that it messed him up sort of but like I also understand why she did what she did. I’d have just preferred that they’d at least have contacted him again if not immediately or like given some sort of explanation and not cut so cold turkey. Still need Haida’s side of the story now||

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Ch.17
||Okay, I’m loving this book so much like why isn’t it more popular? I loved the conversation between these two and the positivity and boost of self-esteem and all. It's like so natural and free flowing like I'd expect any conversation from a friend from highschool to be if i were to meet them now||

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Ch.18
||I love how deeply we’re exploring self-identity here||

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And done!
Sharing thoughts in just some time

iron pelican
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Final thoughts!
||This one really surprised me. I didn’t expect to connect with Tsukuru the way I did. It’s kinda slow... like emotionally slow, quiet, introspective, but I found something oddly comforting in that pace. It’s a book that asks questions more than it gives answers, and you sort of sit in those uncomfortable spaces with the protagonist, not rushing anything. And I really liked that. This book had more of that Murakami magic that I love and less of the weird stuff his other books have.
Tsukuru as a character is incredibly passive on the surface, almost frustratingly so, but underneath all that stillness is a person haunted by a loss he never got closure on and I found myself being empathetic? I really liked how ordinary everything was yet Murakami still managed to give it weight. There’s nothing explosive or twisty here. Just a man trying to figure out what happened in his past, and in doing so, trying to understand who he is now. Oddly it also felt like a book about grief and loneliness? I mean not death necessarily, but the grief of being left behind, the grief of not knowing why with a thread of loneliness running through it all and how we carry things in us for years, sometimes not even realising the extent of the damage. Also, Tsukuru goes back. He asks, listens, and her lets the past speak, and then chooses what to do with the knowledge. That, to me, felt powerful in a very quiet way and while it may leave us many more questions than answers, I'm really happy with the way themes were explored||

lapis dragon
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Chapter 1: ||Getting a jumpscare from the way this opens omg I should've expected it to be dark considering he's described as colourless in the title but that's such a tough mental state for him to be in.||

lapis dragon
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Chapter 3: ||The way his depression is written is sadly way too relatable. Going around feeling like you’re on the verge of death and a shell of a person sadBear I think having different versions of yourself at different points in your life is also a universal experience. I know I’m definitely not the same person I was even 5 years ago.||

lunar radish
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Sneaking this one in

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I just noticed the full title pepeInteresting

lunar radish
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Ch 3 || it’s like the inverse of that trope where a woman meets a man and suddenly has a reason for living. I def don’t like it any better when it’s the other way around, but at least he has a reason for living now? Just wondering if this is sustainable||

lunar radish
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Ch 7 ||wtf happy for Tazaki, but this is getting to be a little much||

lunar radish
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||Ooops prob should have been an adult book||

lunar radish
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Ch 10 ||Uhhhh wtf with these rape allegations? Hate this, thanks||

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||Jokes on me for never checking TW||

lunar radish
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Finished and I think my feelings actually did radically change in the last half and then again in the last chapter ||I like Murakami’s writing personally, I think he has a nice mellow style. Sometimes it does make the more surreal aspects of his books a little more surreal in comparison, esp when read by the nice mellow newscaster-esque narrators they always seem to pick for his audiobooks (I don’t want to think about ch 10 ever again). But in the second half, once we got past the weirder sex dreams, I found the visiting with old friends and kind of making amends or at least coming to terms, that was really relatable, but I felt kind of cheated that we didn’t get to find out what really happened with a lot of things. Unless I’m mistaken, but it didn’t seem like we ever found out who the father of Sato’s child was, who raped her? And then of course her death, very mysterious and violent.

But then I thought, well that’s life right? You don’t always get closure, as much as you may want it. So I was ok with that. If it had ended there I’d prob have given it a 3-3.75

Then the last chapter just really vibed with me, idk how else to explain it. Not really the bit about ask his girlfriend if she’s seeing someone else (if you have to ask and they can’t answer right away, you know all that you need to know, ok?) But when he was talking about not having a home, and feeling like there was no place where he fit, I just felt that very deeply. I also loved all of the train station scenes. I am also obsessed with trains and public transit. Would love to have some someday ghostHehe

But yeah, I’m now wavering between 4 and 4.5. Such a strange story, and so much of it was really odd to me, but it was my kind of odd? Will have to sit with this one a bit catsus ||

queen vale
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I'm nearly done! Sorry it's slightly delayed I needed to finish a read on Libby, should be done tonight or tomorrow!

lapis dragon
queen vale
lapis dragon
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Chapter 4: ||Part of me feels bad that he thinks something is wrong with him because he's never been kissed at 20 but part of me also thinks that some of his beliefs are leaning into toxic masculinity and that he's only a 'real man' if he has desires for a woman that he acts on pikaThink ||

lapis dragon
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Chapter 5: ||Why believe someone that you don't know that you're going to die in a couple of months? Am I missing something here? I'd understand if they were a doctor or had irrefutable proof of it but just some rando? froggiehmm ||

lapis dragon
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Chapter 6: ||Sara makes complete sense to me. Very few people would want to be involved with someone who's emotionally distant and can only give part of themselves to a relationship. I can't really understand why Tsukuru needed that spelling out unless he doesn't think it's an issue. ||

||Reading about how he's had multiple serious long-term relationships but 'his issue' is that he wasn't as physically attracted to them as he could've been pikaThink it's pride month so let me read him as ace-spec (or a-spec) /hj.||

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Chapter 7: ||tfw you fantasise about doing it with your friends omg it seems like Tsukuru is somewhat confused as to whether it actually happened or not which might have been due to Haida temporarily ghosting him. It's tough when people are going through it and feel abandoned by their friends but it sounds like he didn't lose Haida entirely.||

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Chapter 8: ||It does feel a wee bit creepy that he's fantasising and Shiro and Kuro this much. I'm sure if they knew about it that they likely wouldn't be the biggest fans.||

||Does anyone think that Tsukuru is gay? Why is his sole reason for having sex with this unnamed woman to prove that he's not gay. He's had one dream so far that briefly involved a man and the rest of the time he's thinking about women so I really don't think that makes him gay. This is what I meant before about toxic masculinity because being a 21-year old virgin doesn't equal someone being gay blobSigh also the fact that she is unnamed so essentially just a body to him. I really don't like that.||

||Practice safe sex too folks. Her being on the pill is not enough, especially if she's having sex with someone else who in turn could be having sex with someone else.||

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Chapter 9: ||I'm not sure whether it's sweet or not that he's trying to track people down after all these years.||

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Chapter 10: ||What in the world? Considering how this book has hopped back and forth so far then we haven't seen these events from Tsukuru's POV but he seems pretty insistent on the fact that they never happened. I'm surprised that Ao is talking to him because if they cut him off all those years ago and were convinced that he did horrible things to Shiro then if I were him I wouldn't give Tsukuru the time of day. I can't tell if Tsukuru is an unreliable narrator and that this happened and he's forgotten about it/choosing to ignore it or that something bad did happen to Shiro and her trauma has confused her memories ShrugFreg considering she's dead now I doubt we're ever going to find out which is frustrating.||

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Chapter 11: ||It's strange to me that no one told him about Shiro dying, especially if multiple people in his life including his parents new about it. It feels a little fishy to me.||

lapis dragon
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Chapter 12: ||I genuinely can't tell if he actually did this or not.||

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Chapter 14: ||Kuro's husband is way too trusting to just hand out their address to a stranger on the phone like that.||

lapis dragon
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Chapter 16: ||Kuro is totally right that it was incredibly spontaneous for Tsukuru to fly to Finland to see her without knowing if she'd be there or be receptive to seeing him just because Sara said it would be a good idea.||

||Circling back to my thoughts from chapter 10 and I do fully believe something bad happened to her but I'm not sure if it was Tsukuru or someone else. Is there anyone in this book who looks like him or could be related to him that's responsible instead?||

||I feel so bad for Yuzu and how she completely lost her sense of self after the assault and miscarriage.||

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||Is it possible that whoever assaulted Yuzu came back to kill her years later? If there's no obvious motive then I would've jumped to something she knew and someone permanently wanting her to be quiet.||

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Chapter 17: ||I didn't make that connection between his dream and what happened to Yuzu and now I'm even more confused.||

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Final thoughts: ||Not getting answers on what happened with Yuzu was really frustrating. I get that the story was not about her and was more about Tsukuru's life, but doesn't he also want to know what actually happened to her? I feel like he should've wanted to clear his name too considering how many people thought he'd SA'd her, but it seems like over time his old friends just kind of accepted that he didn't do it and that was that.||

||I'm not sure if I was meant to read it this way, but I got the vibes that Tsukuru was autistic, or at the very least that autistic people may be able to relate to him. I was at times really frustrated with him at times and how he seemed to need to be told how to act and what to do by other people in his life as it's not the most appealing trait in a 36 year old, but when I considered him from that viewpoint his character did make more sense to me because he might not be able to pick up on things.||

||I like that the title had multiple meanings too. He was colourless because of his isolation and depression, but also because of his name, and all his friends had colour nicknames. ||

||I do think the main parts of this book should've been resolved better. I'm not the biggest fan of open endings in general but they can be used to great effect in some instances. Not in this book though sadBear I'm settling somewhere between 2.5 - 3 ⭐||

uncut spearBOT
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@lapis dragon,@queen vale,@digital bison,@worthy apex,@river phoenix,@burnt ibex,@pallid patrol,@smoky solar,@iron pelican,@hasty pilot,@stable warren,@wooden moss,@versed void

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Hello all. Thank you for joining me in reading this book. I hope you all enjoyed reading about Tsukuru's pilgrimage.

Finished and will be receiving points: Intro, rin, really_a_cat, Hanzy, Tink, abi

If you are still reading this and started before the buddy read ended then you have until the 5th to finish and add your thoughts to be included on the contributors list.

Some final wrap-up questions:
🎵 What did you think of the significance of music in this novel? Did it add anything to your reading experience?
📖 Do you considering this book to be a realistic work of fiction or something else?
🕒 ||Why do you think Tsukuru waited so long to get answers on why his friends stopped talking to him?||
💡 ||Do you have any theories on the unanswered elements of this book?||

uncut spearBOT
lapis dragon
queen vale
lapis dragon
queen vale
queen vale
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I did finish this Abi! Just doing thoughts, sorry about the delay!!!

lapis dragon
lapis dragon
queen vale
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bearrun
I JUST GOT HOME AND NOW I CAN FINISH MY THOUGHTS
I am legitimately so sorry, it feels like I have no time to actually sit down and do my thoughts for these BRs lately, I suppose it's a plus that I'm planning on cutailing them a lot until the end of the year sweatman
ANYWAY
I went in very excited as I'm aiming to be the biggest Murakami supporter/apologist on OBC kek I love him very much and his writing style scratches a particular itch in my brain that I can't quite describe.
https://static01.nyt.com/images/2012/06/03/books/review/Snider-sub/Snider-sub-custom1.jpg

||“As we go through life we gradually discover who we are, but the more we discover, the more we lose ourselves.”||

||This book's premise is probably the most grounded Murakami book I've read, even compared to Norwegian Wood - In short Tsukuru Tazaki had a group of 4 friends in high school, highly close knit and even with cute colour-coded nicknames. He left their home town to study engineering in Tokyo and suddenly a little into being seperate from them, his is told over the phone by one of them that they no longer want to see him with little explaination as to why. This snub alters the course of his life and leaves wedge between him and all of his other relationships. Now 36, urged on by his new romantic interest, he seeks to find out what happened all those years ago.||

||I think most people can relate to the feeling of lost friendship - I know that I can, I relate with Tsukuru massively if I'm honest; one day I had a group of close friends in high school and then literally the next day I didn't and it's amazing how much time I think back to "well, what happened there?" - sometimes friendships go out in a literal bang, a massive argument, a disagreement; while other times it's more like a fizzle that you don't notice until it's too late. Recently I lost a friendship in a much more 'bang'-like fashion so this book really made it easy to ruminate. It also has this theming around pining for those 'shining days' of teenagehood and how much the protagonist feels like he wasted it and is currently just existing but not living. CB_thumbsupcat ||

||There's not a lot of magical realism in this one compared to some of Murakami's other works - there's a little alluding to branching realities, a story about a death curse involving auras and Kuro is sure that the hardship that follows Shiro is off the back of a demon but other than that it has a much more introspective and melancholic tone. Honestly speaking this might be comparably one of his saddest books (insofar that I've read), I felt genuinely awful for Tsukuru as he unravels what happened to his friendship group. Each reunion with one of his former friends reads very wistful and almost tentative - each saying that they never truly believed that he did the terrible thing that Shiro claimed he did; but he was still cut off. As Kuro put it, they were given the choice to save Shiro or Tsukuru and they chose Shiro. ||

||I know that often his endings are ambiguous but I'm desperate to know whether Tsukuru is able to find the strength to heal his trust issues after seeing what Sara has to say - though I'm wary if only because if he's rejected he claims that he will die again, making this pilgrimage pointless. With all Murakami books I of course spent most of my time coming up with crackpot theories - But honestly it's only a boon for me that a lot of these mysteries remain mysteies - Do I want to know what was in the weird little bag? Do I wanna know who killed Shiro? Do I wanna know what caused Shiro to ultimately combust the whole group buy ousting Tsukuru? Where did Haida go? Of course but there's something wonderfully...dreamlike about never truly knowing these answers. Plus it lets me get my conspiracy board out lmao.|| I've yet to have a bad time with this man so I happily give 4.25 starry