I Fell in Love with Hope - Lancali

[olive garnet]

From <t:1725494400:D> to <t:1728950400:D> | Leader(s): @languid adder

Book Link
Cover: https://cdn.thestorygraph.com/lkt9sk4bnag0unwmu5rnkgy6uzo8

ID: 66ccb7ea83c7672177473306
Announcement: #buddy-reads message

[odd plank]

Lessgo

[shrewd bridge]

bottling up my tears already

[odd plank]

Hahaha , not gonna reread it but im here to enjoy y'all cry

[languid adder]

It is so crywirthy. I looove it

I honestly cant wait to lead this one

[odd plank]

Truly

[bitter light]

Also this book is on Canadian KU !!

I just downloaded it

[solemn tusk]

You are in canada???

[bitter light]

noo but my amazon account is canadian because i made it when i was there LOL

and somehow i managed a ku subscription

even though i got my kindle here

[solemn tusk]

Looks like i need to go to canada asap

[bitter light]

go to montreal!!

[azure citrus]

omg hello

[languid adder]

Helloo

[azure citrus]

i am looking forward to reading this

but ill start in october cause september TBR is full

[azure citrus]

y'all covers are so pretty

[olive garnet]

@languid adder,@open cobalt,@bitter light,@shrewd bridge,@wind vortex,@solemn tusk,@azure citrus,@wicked wolf,@lost gust,@untold pagoda,@azure citrus,@still mountain,@odd plank,@drowsy prism,@fleet scarab

I am so exited to read this with you all. like mentioned in the post I made this was one of my favorite books from last year (2023) and I wanted to reread with everyone.

Please remeber: Use || before and after every spoiler and mark clearly where you are spoiling.

So just some basic questions before we start our crying session:

1. What are your expectaactions in terms of tears. How much are we crying?
2. Are we expecting most sad or sweet tears?
3. What do we think the plot is just by the titel and cover?
4. What is a hope for something to happen? And what do you hope does not happen?

Keep your tissues on standby and have a pleasurble reading experience everyone.

[languid adder]

Sorry it got so late. I was super buisy today

[azure citrus]

A new surprise of br popped up hehehe 😝

[odd plank]

I was here jus to witness people cry but now I'm feeling like rereading this

Tho i def wont

[bitter light]

1. i fully expect to be on the floor bawling
2. i think a mix of both
3. to be honest at first i thought it was a fantasy book so..
4. for people to fall in love i hope that heartbreak won’t happen

[lost gust]

When did I join this

[shrewd bridge]

1. my emotional state has been very unstable lately so it’s likely gonna be me sobbing at 3 am
2. im thinking bittersweet maybe
3. i have no idea but i feel like the title is just a warning of the tears that are going to be shed during this book
4. honestly jana’s answer

[shrewd bridge]

im starting this rn

[odd plank]

Best of luck , you're definitely not going to need tissues

[shrewd bridge]

chapter one
||im kinda having trouble keeping track of everyone ngl so far there’s sam the narrator, sony (lung problems) who is the out-going troublemaker of the group, c (heart disease) who is the kindest but also the muscle of the gang and leo (damaged spine) who is the literary genius and the only one with functioning brain cells. then there’s a new character introduced who is compared to the sun because she shines so bright? ||

[shrewd bridge]

chapter 3
||NEOOOOOOOOOO i love him so, so much ughhh my boy i hope you do okay. when he started crying it made me so sad because he’s always so strong ||

i like how i just started and i already know im gonna be SOBBING

[shrewd bridge]

chapter 5
||oh no sony I LOVE THEIR FRIENDSHIP||

[languid adder]

Such a mood for this book

[shrewd bridge]

chapter 6

https://tenor.com/view/me-cry-sad-jake-peralta-gif-14691105

||these chapters always end up with the strongest and bravest characters crying SONY MY GIRL IT’S OKAY YOU CAN GET THROUGH THIS neo and sony have such a precious friendship ||

[bitter light]

i’m starting this now because i want to open all of choco’s spoilers

[shrewd bridge]

yes jana come cry with me

[bitter light]

somehow i have a feeling i might not cru

cry* jesus

[shrewd bridge]

chapter 7
||ERIC I LOVE YOU even he’s crying now, my heart is breaking. C WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU||

[shrewd bridge]

yeah tbf i have been very unstable lately so maybe it’s just me

[shrewd bridge]

chapter 8
|| ||

[languid adder]

I will come and cry with you one day thos weej

[bitter light]

ch. 1

||do you think people will remember us? i will sony bunny||

ch. 2

||is sam like not a human being at all? that’s my theory. or he was born in this exact same hospital and was immediately diagnosed with the illness and grew up there, which makes me want to jump off a cliff to be honest||

ch. 3

||i giggled at neo’s response to his dad lmfao||

||okay. so neo is getting abused on top of the disease that he has? i will fuck up his dad so much holy fuck||

ch. 4

||is it bad i kind of think of hikari as like a manic pixie dream girl? not in a good or bad way though, just that her character’s meant to be one. also, the talk of the bland hospital food in ch.1 is making me crave spicy noodles||

ch. 5

||i hate reading about heists so yeah let’s see how i feel about this chapter ||

||sony oh jeez||

ch. 6

||i love neo and it’s so cute that sam introduced sony to him just to read||

||i think my fav character is neo right now he’s reminding me to be thankful for my body and what it does just so i can stay alive and read my silly little books and cry and play my silly little games||

||man wtf. life is playing a cruel joke on sony||

ch. 7

||eric is breaking my heart, life to me is just shit days after shit days, and i forgot c existed||

ch. 8

||in this context it’s very cute that c was punched lol||

||i hated hamlet so like.. same||

ch. 9

||i love neo & c’s love story ||

ch. 10

||oh what the hell||

ch. 11

||lol i had an existential crisis today and yeah this was the same question i had asked myself.||

ch. 12

||okay this is just fuelling my sam-is-not-human theory…||

||is narrator sam death?||

ch. 14

||i’m just even more curious now to know what hikari is ill with||

ch. 15

||i want to know more about not- narrator sam ||

also, no tears so far, i am very much reading it like this 😐 although my heart is a bit like this 🫠 🙁

||i am very confused now. is narrator-sam hope?||

ch. 16

||i FUCKING HATE neo’s dad so much omg like die!||

ch. 17

||very cutesy chapter||

ch. 18

||okay so i’m just assuming that narrator-sam is also named sam and i will stop with my willy wonka narrator-sam theories||

ch. 19

||i will throw a hissy fit if sonny dies and i also didn’t know humans could throw up / spit out pus||

ch. 20

||hissy fit thrown JFC this was beautifully written though||

ch. 24

||i don’t know what love is either ||

ch. 25

||i hate it when books don’t have the translations in them. idek what all that french meant!||

||neo’s backstory is just… AWFUL and i wish death on his dad||

ch. 28

||there is no point in life to be honest i kind of agree with hikari. i mean, you can be the kind of person to have a lasting impact on everyone—you can either be a proper politician who helps instead of corrupts or a war criminal IMO, but for the regular person there really is no point in life—well, to me, at least. you just experience stuff and then you die. and it depends on where and to whom you were born to as well. ||

||aaaaaand neo’s dead. my. god. i kind of expected it after what happened with ceour but i was delulu and wanted a better ending for neo my love. also i just thought that ceour was like in a coma or something. i was very wrong. ||

ch. 32

||AHAAAAA I KNEW IT NARRATOR-SAM ISN’T REAL AHAHHHHHHHHHHHHH WHAT THE FUCKKK||

ch. 33

||all i have to say is: jesus christ||

okay i’m done

no tears

but

https://tenor.com/view/whew-spongebob-thank-god-that-was-close-damn-gif-10882958

[solemn tusk]

did you read the whole thing in an hour

[bitter light]

somehow yes it was a very easy read despite the topic

[bitter light]

and this is in a good way in the sense that the emotions were high but like i think i’m just too tired to sob and i cried last night so maybe my crying quota is out ahahah

[solemn tusk]

teach me your ways
i might read alot but i read slow

[bitter light]

i would love to if i knew what my ways were!! i think it just depends on the book and i’ve always been a fast reader

[solemn tusk]

people always used to be like "you must read so fast since you read alot" and im just sitting here like i wish

[bitter light]

https://tenor.com/view/ponke-ponkesol-monke-monkey-cry-gif-11763130847124576621

but eyy i honestly would love to be a slow reader! it hurts me when i spend $$$ on a book and the experience ends in an hour genuinely

[solemn tusk]

i have learned to embrace not reading super fast though its not like im a slow reader in comparison to the average its only when joining OBC that i feel like one i think my reading speed is on the slow side of average

ofcourse that also depends on the language im reading in

[bitter light]

ahh thats totally fair!! sorry amanda i fell asleep

[shrewd bridge]

chapter 9
||THAT WAS SO SWEET AND CUTE AND OMG IM TEARING UP y’all stop cutting onions rn this is crazy. i love neo so much ughhh ||

[shrewd bridge]

chapter 14
||hikary also i have no idea who sam is||

||is sam an imaginary friend or something? i hope it gets explained later on ||

chapter 15
||i love the flashbacks alternating between the present and the past sam is the “narrator” idk what that means but we’re going with it||

||ALSO NEO AND C ARE SO SWEET ||

chapter 16
||god i just hate neo’s dad so much im so glad c acted the way he did, my goodness i love neo and c so much||

[shrewd bridge]

chapter 20
||SONY ||

[languid adder]

This was so fast

[shrewd bridge]

chapter 22
||are they all going to die??? my heart cannot take it ||

[bitter light]

agreed

[shrewd bridge]

chapter 23
||DID C JUST DIE NOOOOOOOO WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO NEO||

[plucky radish]

chapter 23
||DID C JUST DIE NOOOOOOOO WHAT WILL
HAPPEN TO NEO||

- chocorb

[shrewd bridge]

chapter 25
||god neo im so happy for you, and if murder didn’t get you in jail i would 100% recommend it for your dad i hope you live a wonderful life||

1 hour left in the audiobook

chapter 26

https://tenor.com/view/crying-crying-meme-gif-26327776

[shrewd bridge]

chapter 28
||it doesn’t feel right that they’re not there anymore why do i feel like hikari will also die ||

[shrewd bridge]

i am done

[wicked wolf]

Planning to start this soon!

1. I don't know. I'm scared. I don't know what this book is about and I had no expectation of tears, but this question scares me and seeing all the crying gifs above scare me too. I'm terrified! I cry a lot and easily! Now I expect tears or else I'm going to be very disappointed.
2. I don't know what to expect but I'm hoping for happy tears. I would very much like the tears to be happy not sad!
3. Lovers who live very very very long together, and die when they are old and grey in each other's arms! 🤞
4. I hope everyone gets a happy ending. I hope no one dies alone. Honestly, that cover kind of gives me hope that no matter if they die old or young, they die together, so... 😂

[wicked wolf]

Why does my copy not have chapter numbers? I'm going to have to manually count them 😩

The first sentence is already making me feel doubtful about my hopes and expectations coming to pass 🥲

[odd plank]

i read it somewhere that lancali chose this style , no chapter numbers to make it more immersive

[wicked wolf]

Oh, that makes sense. I just wondered if my copy was defective or something, because people listed chapter numbers for the spoilers above! If it's everyone and we're just counting them, I'm all good!

[wicked wolf]

I've been meaning to get to this one but I haven't started! 😅

[olive garnet]

@languid adder,@open cobalt,@bitter light,@shrewd bridge,@wind vortex,@solemn tusk,@azure citrus,@wicked wolf,@untold pagoda,@azure citrus,@still mountain,@odd plank,@drowsy prism,@fleet scarab,@pure rain

New message from me incoming.

I currently have these written down as read: Choco (no final thoughts tho), Jana(also no final thoughts) The rest of us, including myself have yet to read.

This buddy read is ongoing untill the 15th of October. Please let me know if somone already know they need and extension.

Please keep remebering: Use || before and after every spoiler and mark clearly where you are spoiling.

So just some more questions before we let our tears start streaming again our:

1. What is one scene or chapter that really stood out to you in terms of narative. Something that really grabbed you, or if you dislike something that really showed why you did not like it?
2. Would you say that the start of the book is really inportnat for the general feel or mood of the book?
3. Does the book feel realistic? Do we feel like the events from this book can actually happen.
4. When are the rest of us planning to start reading

Let us keep our cozy blanket close and countinue our shared crying. Happy reading.

[bitter light]

1. it’s not really one scene per se but a lot of scenes that grabbed my attention, ||the ones that hint at the narrator not really being human.||
2. yes it is
3. yeah sadly.

[open cobalt]

I have this on my October TBR so maybe next week

[azure citrus]

not me forgettingabout this one🤦‍♀️

[odd plank]

•note to the br leader
I've already read this so im jus here for people's reviews

[languid adder]

I am aware you here for vibes and thoughts. I have it noted

[odd plank]

[shrewd bridge]

(spoilers for the whole book)

1. ||i loved the chapters with neo and c’s backstory and history, i think they were so sweet and cute to read plus neo is my favorite character so any chapter revolved around him is bound to be amazing for me||

2. ||im pretty sure the start of the book is the whole gang robbing a bank, and we get a general understanding of their personalities and how they continue to live their lives to the fullest despite the diseases so yeah, i think it really sets the mood for the whole book because that theme is continued and mentioned several times ||

3. ||i mean apart from the fact that hope is materialized as a person, i think a lot of kids go through a lot and might try enjoying the rest of their days ||

but also i forgot to mention this in my thoughts above,|| i think it’s really cool how the whole time i thought the title meant that the kids were clinging to hope or that sam called hikari her hope but in actuality it was sam who was hope all along||

[wicked wolf]

Sorry, @languid adder , I'm at 7% of the book and I think I'm going to dnf this 😞 I've been trying to read it for a couple of weeks now and I just can't get into it. I read some reviews to try to get myself hyped up but they only made me realize why I couldn't get into it and I don't think it's going to get any better for me. Thanks for hosting! (I hope it's okay to ping you)

[languid adder]

I am sorry you didnt enjoy the book.
(Also nw for pinging me)

[solemn tusk]

Im starting this today

[wind vortex]

Also starting this today

[wind vortex]

Is there possibility of a short extension

[open cobalt]

if there is I would be interested too as otherwise I have this and #1277531036875624470 to read tomorrow

[solemn tusk]

I could also use one

[azure citrus]

ME TOO PLEASE

OMG

[solemn tusk]

@languid adder would an extension be available for this br
Sorry for the ping if you don't like them

[languid adder]

I was litarly writing a anocment message and were about to send it where I asked for an extension

Would 2 weeks work for you all?

[olive garnet]

@languid adder,@open cobalt,@bitter light,@shrewd bridge,@wind vortex,@solemn tusk,@azure citrus,@untold pagoda,@azure citrus,@still mountain,@odd plank,@drowsy prism,@fleet scarab,@pure rain

New message from me incoming.

I currently have these written down as read: Choco, Jana.

For currently reading I have: Amanda and Vaude.

This buddy read is ongoing untill the 15th of October (that will be tomorrow). I will ask for an extension snce it have been asked for. Would 2 weeks work?

Please keep remebering: Use || before and after every spoiler and mark clearly where you are spoiling.

So just some more questions before we let our tears start streaming again our:

1. Do you think the characters’ understanding of hope changes over time?
2. Was there a particular character whose journey moved you the most? Why?
3. Do we think that there is any moments in this book where the suffering also coexist with beauty?
4. Did we find the ending to be in our liking?

Let us keep our cozy blanket close and countinue our shared crying. Happy reading.

---

[azure citrus]

yeah

[solemn tusk]

It would work for me

[open cobalt]

me too

[languid adder]

Then maybe I can also get a hope that my headache will lessen overall so I can consentrate ona physical book aswell

[wind vortex]

That'd be amazing for 2-3 weeks, thank you Avialia

[azure citrus]

Thank you! I haven’t read this yet either

[olive garnet]

Ongoing BuddyRead

I Fell in Love with Hope - Lancali

Description

This book was in my top 5 of 2023. I hope that other people want to read/reread together with me. I need fellow people to cry with this time

In the midst of pain and loss, they find community, even miracles, and together they are determined to reclaim from life what illness has taken from them. But a singular heartbreak has led one to swear off love forever. The risk of experiencing another tragedy feels too great. Yet, in this desolate place where it seems impossible for love to make an appearance, a door opens—and so do hearts.
Against the unforgiving landscape of a hospital, a group of terminally ill patients embraces the joys within their reach: friendship, freedom, rebellion. Each in their own way is broken; each in their own way is stronger for it.

Start Date

<t:1725494400:D>

End Date

<t:1730160000:D>

Thread(s)

#1278280334781321317

Requested By

@languid adder

Leader(s)

@languid adder(0)

Interested (14)

@languid adder,@open cobalt,@bitter light,@shrewd bridge,@wind vortex,@solemn tusk,@storm arch,@untold pagoda,@tepid zodiac,@still mountain,@odd plank,@drowsy prism,@fleet scarab,@pure rain

Event ID: 66ccb7ea83c7672177473306

[azure citrus]

BR Extended!
BR Duration: <t:1725494458:D> - <t:1730160058:D>

[azure citrus]

Thank you ayeshaaa!!🩵

[azure citrus]

[azure citrus]

i will take this book on my vacation i thought i wouldnt be able to get to this in time but now i have time

[open cobalt]

Oh, this BR had been going on longer than I thought. I'm still interested in reading but might finish a couple of days late as I have like 8 BRs finishing around the same time.

[wind vortex]

I might be in a similar boat to abi!

[solemn tusk]

i just realized that i can use this as Read for the cover in the autumn bingo since i saw the cover and instantly went "i need to read that"

[open cobalt]

before: ||That's a heartbreaking opening sentence.||

[wind vortex]

3 Resilience:
||I love Neo. I'm bracing myself for misery.||

I can't lie, I've been putting this off because I know that it's heavy but the writing itself is beautiful

[still mountain]

Guess I’m dropping all other plans to binge this today
(I’ve been travelling and left my reading journal with BR end dates and stuff home and now I’m lost and scampering to catch up )

[open cobalt]

Just finished the first chapter and I can't tell if I'm going to love or hate how prettily it's written

yellow flared eyes: ||"I imagine a bomb chained to your wrist." yeah, if we're gonna have more of this fake deep poetry sprinkled in I might get the ick a bit||

[still mountain]

I finished the first chapter too and feel similarly to abi. ||While there’s a strong melancholic feel that the writing’s gotten me into but like I don’t feel connected or like as immersed into it as I’d like to feel? Like it’s sorta disconnecting. Perhaps I’m judging too soon and we’ll see||

[still mountain]

Not really a spoiler spoiler
Just commentary on the writing

[open cobalt]

It’s picking up a little for me in the third chapter but I am worried that it could be a bit hit or miss going forward

[still mountain]

Currently on Ch.3 and I do agree abi
Hope it grows on me eventually and is a hit and not a miss

From before

||“We spent our whole lives together pretending, but if you pretend for too long, reality reminds you one way or another that it doesn’t like being insulted.”||
Some of these lines are like so quotable though

[wind vortex]

So far I'm kind of alternating on a chapter to chapter basis about it.
Sometimes it really works for me and makes me kinda emotional, other times I'm like "...Okay, let's move on a bit. We're really overdescribing."

I'm up to about chapter 6.

[open cobalt]

yep, I've continued on and it's how I feel too. I think some of the word choices just don't really work for me imo

sunrise: ||okay but I do love the concept of past lives and people you meet across multiple lifetimes||

||I'm here for the flirting ||

[wind vortex]

I think from what I've seen so far, it's very evocative when it works - like Chapter 3 was imo the best chapter I've read so far. It had a lot of this quiet melancholy and good pacing. But in the following chapter because there's a lot of dialogue and interaction, it feels pretentious when it's just people living? Does that make sense?
(also the need to change my name to Vaudermelon is growing )

[open cobalt]

Yes, I totally agree with all of that

also do the name change!!

resilience: ||am I wrong to think that Neo seems a bit mean? I get it's probably a defence mechanism but still||

||like Vaude said, I can definitely see something bad happening to him||

[open cobalt]

passion: ||I wonder if they’re actually going to explain why Sam doesn’t get sarcasm and things, unless it’s going to be something undiagnosed that was referenced in the authors note at the start||

[open cobalt]

countdown: ||i'm worried they're not going to be well enough to escape the hospital||

||I'm lowkey shocked Hikari has asked to kiss Sam already. I thought they were going to dance around what they were a little longer. Leaving that as a mini cliffhanger for the chapter is 🤔 because it doesn't mean Sam says yes||

[open cobalt]

empty: ||All of these kids need therapy because wdym Hikari saved Sam and she's being downright rude to her about it. She desperately needs to talk to someone about her possible ptsd||

hope: ||Did she name herself after her dead boyfriend?||

||Has she just pretty much always lived in the hospital and not been properly taught things? I have so many questions||

rain: ||Sam has such a different view on life compare to most people||

halfway through

the whale: ||So Sam was just abandoned at the hospital on the day he was born? I find it hard to believe his bio mom was never caught/charged with child abandonment or whatever||

||Having no immune system must be rough, especially in a hospital||

[solemn tusk]

im gonna drop out of this one since i wont be finishing it today

but....if it gets extended by like a week then i would be very happy

[open cobalt]

now: ||I hate abusive storylines at the best of times but this is adding absolutely nothing to the book for me||

[still mountain]

Same here honestly
Idk why but I’m kinda finding it hard to binge-read like I’m not in a mood for that

I’m currently on ch.4 and will need at least two days to finish

[solemn tusk]

@languid adder would a weeks extension be possible

omg i just noticed we have matching pfp's

[open cobalt]

tears of joy: ||it's cute that they're getting tattoos together as a permanent reminder of each other||

broken things: ||oh, Sony died and it's just casually mentioned||

||omg I'm actually happy with myself that I could mostly translate that french||

music: ||Coeur being spoken about in past tense is he gonna die too?||

||'tu me manques tellement que même mon coeur souffre' is so I love french but that's heartbreaking||

||Neo and Coeur are cute together so of course it's going to end tragically||

[open cobalt]

the inbetween moments: ||Called it. It was obvious with how he was acting before the operation||

||Are they all just gonna die because if so that's depressing even if it's not entirely unexpected||

soul bared to paper: ||Of course Neo is now dead, probably because of grief from Sony and C dying. Hikari next?||

i understand: just a general note that I hate how expensive the american healthcare system is

not enough: ||Now the nurse has died too?? Is it genuinely going to be every single hospital character?||

after: what in the world...I'm gonna have to read what others think of this chapter

||I kind of had an inkling that Sam wasn't real but it's still a wild concept||

Finished. ||This was....fine? It didn't feel super emotional whilst reading it and it did feel a bit repetitive at times. I guessed the twist with Sam not being real but I don't really get it and it's emotional impact on the story. I mostly liked the relationships between the main characters but sometimes they were rude to each other which wasn't my favourite. Lowkey this book reminded me of a show that aired like 10 years ago called Red Band Society but it didn't feel nearly as hopeful if Hikari had died as well I likely would have rated it lower so I'm glad she didn't but yeah, I didn't connect with this one like a lot of people seem to have done.|| 2.5 ⭐ oops

[languid adder]

I would be up for it.

Is there anyone else that needs it? I am not sure if I am allowed to reauest if only one asks

[languid adder]

Ye we do.
You havnt seen?

[wind vortex]

I'd love that!

I'm enjoying the book but I'm just a little overwhelmed

[languid adder]

thats ok. One week be enough?

[wind vortex]

Sure, whatever is best for you Avi! Thank you for hosting this!

[solemn tusk]

no im so bad at noticing that kind of stuff

[solemn tusk]

it would be perfect for me

[azure citrus]

me too

[still mountain]

me three

[olive garnet]

Ongoing BuddyRead

I Fell in Love with Hope - Lancali

Description

This book was in my top 5 of 2023. I hope that other people want to read/reread together with me. I need fellow people to cry with this time

In the midst of pain and loss, they find community, even miracles, and together they are determined to reclaim from life what illness has taken from them. But a singular heartbreak has led one to swear off love forever. The risk of experiencing another tragedy feels too great. Yet, in this desolate place where it seems impossible for love to make an appearance, a door opens—and so do hearts.
Against the unforgiving landscape of a hospital, a group of terminally ill patients embraces the joys within their reach: friendship, freedom, rebellion. Each in their own way is broken; each in their own way is stronger for it.

Start Date

<t:1725494400:D>

End Date

<t:1731196800:D>

Thread(s)

#1278280334781321317

Requested By

@languid adder

Leader(s)

@languid adder(0)

Interested (12)

@languid adder,@open cobalt,@bitter light,@shrewd bridge,@wind vortex,@solemn tusk,@storm arch,@untold pagoda,@tepid zodiac,@still mountain,@fleet scarab,@pure rain

Event ID: 66ccb7ea83c7672177473306

[azure citrus]

BR Extended!
BR Duration: <t:1725494439:D> - <t:1731196839:D>

[azure citrus]

i will read this soon

[still mountain]

I’ve been reading this ||but it’s been hard because there’s a lot of relatability that isn’t working in the most positive sense? I really want to like this and I am liking bits of it but like I’m finding it hard to emotionally connect with the story|| about 50%

[still mountain]

Finished this
I’ll post my final thoughts and some annotations I’ve had when I get some more time

[azure citrus]

this is going to be my next read after my br #1298552546230538241 (yes im advertising)

[open cobalt]

omg that's shameless

[azure citrus]

starting this today

[wind vortex]

7 Quid Pro Quo

||"Depression is a better thief than you and I could ever be. It steals moments that should be yours."||
||This hit me like a truck jfc. ||

[azure citrus]

omg this ends tomorrow????

[open cobalt]

today for me

[azure citrus]

may i have an extra day to finish this

[still mountain]

I have some time today! Will share my final thoughts soon-ish

[wind vortex]

I'm aiming to finish tonight but an extra day grace period would do wonders because I don't want to take this book to work no need for an extension but like a day extra from the report would be a game changer

[azure citrus]

same

[languid adder]

Done deal

[wind vortex]

thank you so much!

[olive garnet]

@languid adder,@open cobalt,@bitter light,@shrewd bridge,@wind vortex,@solemn tusk,@azure citrus,@untold pagoda,@azure citrus,@still mountain,@fleet scarab,@pure rain

So, I will wait a day or two before sending in report. But currently I have this written down.

Currntly reading: Vaude, Hanzy, I shall study, Amanda? (Vaude, Hanzy and I shall study (I dont rember your old username) to be writing final rewievs or finnish now soon.) Amanda, did you finnish this or plan to?

Finnished: abi, Choco, Jana.

[languid adder]

Why did I yell the start?

[azure citrus]

its okay

abi

why

😭

i think im gonna dip out of this one sorry

[wind vortex]

LMAO 🗣️

[open cobalt]

what did I do?

[azure citrus]

you deleted the hashtag

ANYWAY I CHANGED MY MIND IM FINISHING THIS ONE

[open cobalt]

I just woke up I couldn’t remember if it was a hashtag

[solemn tusk]

I'm going to drop out of this one sorry

[azure citrus]

me too sorry im lost interest in this one thank u for the opportunity to read it tho! maybe next time <33.

yeah nvm i’m not reading this as well

[wind vortex]

I'm almost done

[languid adder]

I belive in you

[wind vortex]

I'm liking it a lot but it's really hard to read for long stints, it's a really unique reading experience ngl

[still mountain]

Frr!!
Avi I’m so sorry for delaying this but things have been awful busy lately with ER visits for my dad I’m going to share my final thoughts today for suuure

[wind vortex]

I'm absolutely|| fucking devastated.||

[wind vortex]

Okay, I'm 100% done now but I definitely need to sleep on my thoughts. I cried a lot lmao I'm such a baby.

[open cobalt]

Now I feel heartless for not crying

[still mountain]

My final thoughts:

||It’s been a while since I finished the book and I was hoping for it to grow on me eventually but seems like it never did. Maybe I come under an older gen than the target demographic? While reading I was reminded of The Perks of Being a Wallflower because it kinda felt similarly here but I liked that a tad bit more. It’s the unrelatable-ness of the experiences compiled with relatable feelings that kinda made it hard for me to fully immerse myself into the story. I loved Neo the most of all the characters presented. Neo & C were sweet together and it was heartbreaking to see each of the characters just die. Sam was never really ‘one’ of the characters for me like I think early on with the ‘I never left the hospital’ or something part, the thought just hit and kinda stayed. Idk how I feel about out the kind of ambiguity surrounding it all, I mean I’d have loved Sam to turn out to be Hope all along and how each of the others had a glimmer of hope within them until they passed on kinda thingy and like yeah each of the others had something associated with them like Coeur being heart and kindness etc idk like it just didn’t deliver all the way through for me? Or maybe a reread of the book at a different may do me good for I read most of this while visiting the hospital multiple times, especially the ER and all the buzz there and then coming to a book where a hospital’s represented but like feels a bit underwhelming being described or something. It’s one of those rare times where I really connect with certain lines but find it hard to love the book as a whole. I’ve rated it like a 3 right now and as heartless as this sounds, I couldn’t shed a tear reading although my heart did wrench itself a lot ||

[wind vortex]

Thank you so much for giving me a little extra time to finish up Avialia, my work is really crazy right now so I just needed a little longer, I really appreciate it

So I feel like me crying a lot shouldn't be an indicator - I'm a really emotional reader, I cry ALL THE TIME; so I wasn't really surprised when I ended up bawling all over this thankfully after taking a little time to be less emotional about it, I feel like I can talk about and review this book a little better.

||So the majority of my thoughts while reading this were in two categories: 1. This feels like a light novel and 2. My goodness these are some purple prose, like the most purple I've ever seen. I think I already had an idea of what I was in for before I read this which is a bit of a rare experience for me, I picked it up on the recommendation of a stranger's random note in a bookshop last Christmastime rather fittingly and it's sat on my TBR ever since but I know the recommendation mentioned how sad it was.||
||I'm not one to dismiss purple prose; done well, it can be kind of like basking in words. I'm notoriously in love with how Madeline Miller writes and she loves to dabble in shades of purple for example. But... I had a really hard time settling with this book. It felt like I needed to dedicate a lot of brain power to each time I sat down to read this but not in the way that a classic does. A lot of emotional brainpower, I guess? To swim through the run-on sentences and sections that feel desperate to be quoted. It was the strangest experience of having to bat away pretention to enjoy this story. I suppose it's not much of a story either, it's more about vibes? I felt like a lot of the ruminations on grief did strike me because I am still grieving for someone after over ten years. How Hikari's depression is spoken about hits more than a little close to home too in some aspects.||

||It's really strange to try to put into words what reading this book was like? It's like a constant in terms of things I liked. Sometimes the dialogue was fairly organic and the kids genuinely felt like friends - other times they spoke in ways that literally no person on Earth ever sounds like? The only constant in terms of tone/dialogue was poor Eric. God I loved Eric. Generally a lot of the strange things that threw me kind of settle in this energy of what you'd see in fanfiction almost (considering that Lancali originated from WattPad you can tell instantly): Like the fact that C (absolutely enamoured with Neo at this point) kind of just...let him get beaten to a pulp? Hikari self-harming from the horrors of her mental anguish and her disease and instead of getting her help, Sam starts to kiss her and cut their own hair? It's all very dramatic and strange a lot of the time. I think the writing style and some of the narrative choices feel overbearing if I had to choose a word.||

||But... that doesn't save the fact that through all this strange, somewhat poorly constructed energy... I did have a nice time. I'm not really critiquing this in the way to tear it to shreds but more to juxtapose that I really did come to care about the characters weird dialogue or not. Neo in particular was probably my favourite of the group and each of their deaths really did get me. In terms of Sam the narrator and Sam the patient, that got me nice and good too At the height of enjoying the tragedy and the general drama of it all? God Lancali knew exactly where to hit me. Lancali wrote this about their own experiences of being a patient as a child and in that area I feel like there's a lot of power being drawn from that.||

||I feel like maybe some of the more complex concepts that are presented in this book do need to be viewed with a grain of salt- cont.||
1/

||-because so much of this book is heavily romanticized, it definitely can feel inauthentic. It covers a sea of complex issues such as obviously chronic/terminal illness, mental illness, self-harm, parental abuse, minor abuse, domestic violence, homophobia, eating disorders... I feel like I'm not actually scratching the surface. I think that there were included earnestly but carry the hallmark in some areas of being 'lightly researched' if that makes any sense? This is more of a neutral comment than anything else because I feel that it came from a good place; just it came come across as a little tonedeaf at times.||

||I'm still not sure what to think about Sam's big reveal of being an embodiment of the hospital? I kind of like the concept of Sam waiting to see the reincarnation of original Sam each time he comes back around. I think I could have been more readily on board with Sam being some kind of embodiment of death, hopelessness, hope itself or even an angelic figure? It feels a little more... easy to understand considering the line they repeatedly say about people recognizing them? Just my 2 cents about that but it's not really a critique either; it's weird but good weird for me. ||

||“Because you don't lose someone once. You lose them hearing a song that reminds youof their smile. Passing an old landmark. Laughing at a joke they would've laughed at. You lose them infinitely.”||

||Favourite scene is likely the final dream sequence between Neo and Sam. I said at the very beginning that I found this book beautifully written but I think the comparison to having a single bar of chocolate vs. an entire chocolate fountain feels a little apt here. Certain chapters were genuinely fantastic while others dragged like nothing else. On the side of genuinely fantastic, this is at the top for me for chapters, I wept .||

While emotional I definitely rated this high, like 4.75 ⭐ after some sleep and some thoughts about how long it took me to read this, how much I struggled to get into it and a few other nitpicks, It's now a solid 4

[still mountain]

Vaude’s sharing thoughts! Hang on, need to get a nice cuppa before I sit down to read

[wind vortex]

https://tenor.com/view/yapping-dragon-ball-dragon-ball-z-talking-cat-meowing-gif-5392431604456469183

[still mountain]

Back and reading and loving this so much! You’ve so eloquently expressed my thoughts to words

I'm going to stay grounded with my 3 because of how I felt throughout but I agree so much with everything!!! ||Definitely heavy and took an emotional toll yet came off a tiny bit tone deaf sometimes||. I feel like quoting your words off especially this part -

|| To swim through the run-on sentences and sections that feel desperate to be quoted. It was the strangest experience of having to bat away pretention to enjoy this story. I suppose it's not much of a story either, it's more about vibes? ||
||Maybe I haven't faced actual grief yet but I'm currently having a difficult time grieving over someone currently living and it's been a strange experience for me for sure because there's this quotability factor and some parts that just hit but the wattpad-y fanfiction effect like you've mentioned put me off because I just can't connect myself with that and like perhaps as a teen, this may have worked better sort of feeling||

[wind vortex]

||I think it's just the bombardment that Lancali does with the quotes that makes it a little too much. A few of them really did stick to me, particularly that one I cited about how grief is relived thing? Absolutely. There's also a quote about depression being the thief of moments that should be yours and I just kinda stared for a bit because wow. But I think if there was a bit more of a grounded element in the characters - everything is just so poetic all the time. Sometimes people are just people. They don't rattle off inspirational and beautiful things constantly. I feel like maybe if that kind of language was exclusively a thing that Sam did it would even sit a bit better with me. ||