📝｜proofreading

[candid dust]

can u give me specific improvements

what kind of minor adjustments

oh also ive already had my teachers and tutors proofread it

just to clarify

[dense marten]

Some phrases may feel wordy or too formal, which can disrupt readability. For example, “continuing area of interest” and “must be deeply understood” can be simplified without losing meaning.

[candid dust]

with formailty

i am writing a review paper

[dense marten]

Long sentences with multiple ideas can make reading harder.

[candid dust]

it has to be quite formal

i see

and

[dense marten]

Some transitions feel abrupt, such as moving from serotonin’s role to the purpose of the review

[candid dust]

with the

continuing area of interest

[dense marten]

The text uses both technical and non-technical terms (e.g., "psychotropics to treat compulsive behaviours" vs. "anxious feelings"). Keeping a consistent tone (more technical or simplified) will improve flow.

[candid dust]

anxious feelings is still accurate because

i was talking about

the initial time it was being used

at that time

they had not defined clinical generalised anxiety disorder (GAD)

we can only know of them as anxious states, attitudes, or feelings specifically

just because we cant confirm they meet today's DSM-V definition of anxiety

[candid dust]

i see

i can kind of understand that part

[dense marten]

I Hope the review was useful.

[candid dust]

yes thank u

[queen wedge]

Hi! If I am able to add on, I’d love to. But what is it for?

[vernal hull]

We have a vlog project, here's the script. I need help, can someone fix the wrong grammar? especially idk what to use, if it's "we got to" or "we get to"

Hey guys! So, it’s intramurals day. Welcome to intramurals week at our school!

And here we are with the parade, as everyone's getting ready.
And then the parade started.
We walked through the places of Barangay San Ramon, all going back to school.

Back at school, we did the intramural opening ceremony. To prepare us, they urged us to dance, followed by our traditional flag ceremony.

Let me take you around to all the exciting sports events happening at the San Ramon and San Clemente courts.
Here we got the basketball boys.
Next, there's singles badminton for both boys and girls.
Afterward, we got to watch the volleyball girls, and honestly, they did a pretty good game.
Then we got to watch them play basketball as well. It was a pretty lit game.
And here, we got the boys, playing an amazing volleyball game.

Now, for something completely different, it's day two. We are all excited about this event.

We are going to witness the contestants perform for the Miss and Mister Intramurals 2024 pageant.

The show is full of performances.
We've got the ABM strand to do their yell for the intermission, the MIAS band, the duet dance of Louraigne and Francine, and the HUMMS’s yell.

I and my partner Rodny got to present our casual attire on stage.

Then we watched STEM's yell for the intermission as well.

Following our talent show with our partners.

And we couldn't forget to show you our sports attire segment, as it was one of the best.

On our final day, we got to witness the ML players do their best in the game.

So to wrap everything up, we gathered for the awards ceremony with our school president, Ma'am Mabelle Collado, celebrating all our intramural champions for 2024.

And that’s a document on this year's incredible intramurals.

[olive path]

Adin ross I have no ishowspeed is duke dennis costco guys griddy among us

Pure Brainrot

[crude orbit]

Hiya, looks good but a few things here and there:

1. Verb Tense Consistency: “And here we are with the parade, as everyone’s getting ready. And then the parade started.”
   Improvement: Maintain consistent verb tense. Change “And then the parade started” to “And now the parade is starting.”
2. Redundancy: “We walked through the places of Barangay San Ramon, all going back to school.”
   Improvement: Simplify for clarity. Change to “We walked through Barangay San Ramon, heading back to school.”
3. Article Usage: “Back at school, we did the intramural opening ceremony.”
   Improvement: Use “had” instead of “did” for a more natural flow. Change to “Back at school, we had the intramural opening ceremony.”
4. Clarity and Conciseness: “To prepare us, they urged us to dance, followed by our traditional flag ceremony.”
   Improvement: Clarify who “they” refers to and streamline the sentence. Change to “To prepare us, the organisers urged us to dance, followed by the traditional flag ceremony.”
5. Parallel Structure: “Here we got the basketball boys. Next, there’s singles badminton for both boys and girls.”
   Improvement: Ensure parallel structure for a smoother flow. Change to “Here we have the basketball boys. Next, we have singles badminton for both boys and girls.”
6. Verb Tense Consistency: “Afterward, we got to watch the volleyball girls, and honestly, they did a pretty good game.”
   Improvement: Maintain consistent verb tense. Change to “Afterward, we watched the volleyball girls, and honestly, they played a pretty good game.”
7. Word Choice: “Then we got to watch them play basketball as well. It was a pretty lit game.”
   Improvement: Use more formal language. Change to “Then we watched them play basketball as well. It was an exciting game.” This ensures it fits with the rest of your speech
8. Redundancy: “And here, we got the boys, playing an amazing volleyball game.”
   Improvement: Simplify for clarity. Change to “And here, we have the boys playing an amazing volleyball game.”

9. Transition Words: “Now, for something completely different, it’s day two. We are all excited about this event.”
   Improvement: Use a smoother transition. Change to “Now, moving on to day two, we are all excited about this event.”
10. Pronoun Usage: “I and my partner Rodny got to present our casual attire on stage.”
    Improvement: Use the correct pronoun order. Change to “My partner Rodny and I presented our casual attire on stage.”
11. Verb Tense Consistency: “Following our talent show with our partners.”
    Improvement: Complete the sentence for clarity. Change to “Following that, we had our talent show with our partners.”
12. Clarity and Conciseness: “And we couldn’t forget to show you our sports attire segment, as it was one of the best.”
    Improvement: Simplify for clarity. Change to “We also showcased our sports attire segment, which was one of the best.”
13. Verb Tense Consistency: “On our final day, we got to witness the ML players do their best in the game.”
    Improvement: Maintain consistent verb tense. Change to “On our final day, we watched the ML players do their best in the game.”
14. Clarity and Conciseness: “So to wrap everything up, we gathered for the awards ceremony with our school president, Ma’am Mabelle Collado, celebrating all our intramural champions for 2024.”
    Improvement: Simplify for clarity. Change to “To wrap everything up, we gathered for the awards ceremony with our school president, Ma’am Mabelle Collado, to celebrate all our intramural champions for 2024.”
15. Conclusion: “And that’s a document on this year’s incredible intramurals.”
    Improvement: Use a more engaging conclusion. Change to “And that’s a wrap on this year’s incredible intramurals.”
    For the phrase “we got to” or “we get to,” use “we got to” because it refers to something that happened in the past and thats the vibe you are going for

[crude orbit]

@heady nova post here

ill help here

[heady nova]

Correct me

[crude orbit]

for the write the informal, 6. is talk about

[crude orbit]

literally everything is correct - well done, nice work

other than 6.

[heady nova]

Which one

[crude orbit]

this is also good

for discuss

[heady nova]

Ohh was it wrong

[crude orbit]

converse is also formal, more formal than discuss

debate is informal

[heady nova]

Ohh

[crude orbit]

so converse is the only iffy one

[heady nova]

I was conflicting which one to write so I wrote both of those words 🤣🤣

[crude orbit]

yeah haha don’t worry about it, but converse is formal

[heady nova]

I just did this

[heady nova]

Thanks alot

[crude orbit]

2nd is commence

as its ti do with a profession; building

so it would be the more formal version ( commence )

however either is good, there isnt inherently a problem here

[heady nova]

Yeah I thought it would suit in the context ahhaa

[crude orbit]

to be honest

im not a fan of this

its difficult to identify the context correctly

[heady nova]

True that

[crude orbit]

it could literally be either or for quite a few of them

nothing stands out as being ‘wrong’

so well done

[heady nova]

I did that on my own. Because I dont have workbook in textbook they don't provide answers

[heady nova]

Thankuuu yayyy

[crude orbit]

ah i see okay - no problem

[crude orbit]

yep perfect

8. is horde

[heady nova]

Yeah I forgot

Thanks alot uwu

[olive path]

Your prepared for your exam then?

[plush tiger]

Can someone review my essay and correct me on some things where I might be wrong? I got it for homework, I am supposed to write a letter for a job application at an English language centre. The register is formal

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing this letter to express my interest regarding the post that has been publicised in the Language and Culture section of the Daily Magazine.
As stated in my CV, after I had graduated at the University of Education, I acquired a post at a private school in the proximity of Leicester, where I worked for half a decade as an administrator. Amongst the requirements for the position were IT skills and proficiency in the English language which I had achieved previously. The position allowed me to widen my range of abilities, as I was heavily involved in the management of student’s projects in the country and beyond involving topics like Climate change and Ecology, as a means to raise student’s active engagement and awareness on these topics.

In a search of a job that is more engaging and offers a wider variety of duties, I consider this position to be an excellent starting point. I am sure in my ability to manage the workload in spite of the growth of the firm. I am of the opinion that strong work ethics and high standards are crucial and in favor of both the customer’s experience and the firm’s exemplary reputation. Being a part of the leadership of international projects gave me opportunities to connect with other people, and acquire better communication skills, subsequently, displaying engagement, interest and active listening.

My schedule is flexible and I am available for the interview at your convenience, at a time you find suitable and appropriate.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Yours faithfully,
George

Thanks, is the grammar and vocabulary suitable?

[crude orbit]

I can help you with this

There are a few nit picks but nothing major

Verb Tense Consistency: Change “I am writing this letter to express” to “I am writing to express” for conciseness.

Preposition Usage: Change “graduated at” to “graduated from” for correct preposition usage.

Clarity and Conciseness: Simplify “in the proximity of Leicester” to “near Leicester.” Not every sentence needs to be really formal, this just clears things up a bit and makes you sound more natural

Plural Possessive: Correct “student’s projects” to “students’ projects” to indicate projects belonging to multiple students.

Parallel Structure: Change “involving topics like Climate change and Ecology, as a means to raise student’s active engagement and awareness on these topics” to “covering topics such as climate change and ecology to raise students’ active engagement and awareness” for smoother flow.

Word Choice: Change “in favor of” to “for” for simplicity.

Pronoun Usage: Change “I am sure in my ability” to “I am confident in my ability” for a more formal tone.

Punctuation: Add a comma after “My schedule is flexible”

I think in the context of it being formal had is more suitable

however both work

in terms of omitting had or not

[plush tiger]

I used had to be more formal since it's in past perfect, didn't want to use past simple only

[crude orbit]

using had graduated adds emphasis that graduation was completed before acquiring the position

The perfect past tense is less common in everyday conversation and more used in formal writing

[crude orbit]

yep exactly, perfect

[verbal garnet]

I would just use despite instead of in spite of.

[crude orbit]

its what george also said about the perfect past tense

[plush tiger]

Idk we learnt that too and it sounds more formal to me but Ig despite can be used too

[crude orbit]

it depends how formal you want to be

[verbal garnet]

I speak American English. From some of the spelling you use, I assume you are using British English.

[crude orbit]

yeah, you obviously arent wrong but things just sound right in certain contexts, by no means are you wrong

[plush tiger]

yep

We use British english in Europe

that's why

And another thing, can post mean job, and acquire a post mean get a job

[verbal garnet]

Then maybe you should consider using favour which I believe is the British spelling instead of the American favor which is how I spell it. Just to keep consistency.

[plush tiger]

Will fix that, thanks

Yeah it kinda sounds weird to me too

How can I change it while keeping the meaning?

[verbal garnet]

regarding the post that has been publicised ... I acquired a position at a private school ... I think I would personally change your second post to position. But leaving it post is correct, I just don't like using the same word for two different meanings so close together. That is just me, I suppose. ... p.s. I am still figuring out how to highlight and italicize in discord so I just used bold because that is what I know how to do right now.

[plush tiger]

My involvement in international projects opened new opportunities to connect with other people. Subsequently, it has lead to the improvement of my skills in communication, displaying interest, engagement and active listening.

[plush tiger]

Thanks, I'll change that

[verbal garnet]

bold italicize underline

bold ctrl + b does not work for me. it does nothing ... i have to us two asterisks followed by the word followed by two asterisks

bold

[plush tiger]

bold I just write two ** before and after the word

[verbal garnet]

The others work well thank you

bold

[plush tiger]

bold

[plush tiger]

btw is this one better?

[verbal garnet]

my typo ... bold

That worked !!!! thanks

Btw ... nice to meet you all!

[plush tiger]

Nice to meet u (:

Oh yeah led 🤦‍♂️

[verbal garnet]

Sorry but I don't know what (: means.

[plush tiger]

smiley

[verbal garnet]

oh, i thought that was : )

[plush tiger]

I prefer to write it like that but it's all the same dw

[verbal garnet]

without the space between

[plush tiger]

yea but when I write it like that it turns into an emoji

[verbal garnet]

Ok, thanks

[plush tiger]

Thank you too for helping me!

[tepid geode]

Hii, can anyone help me with my essay. Thanks<3

1. If you had the opportunity to speak to an audience of 100 people, what would you talk about?
   Relationships Are the Key to the Future
   “Have you ever caught yourself saying, ‘I’ll do it later,’ only to realize later never comes? In today’s world, Many people got so caught up in a cycle of constant studying, working, and chasing future goals, thinking they’re being productive. Soon “I will do later” became a habit and these meaningful moments are pushed aside.
   This issue is becoming increasingly common, and I myself have witnessed it . It is really easy to notice these situations, For example, you can observe this by simply walking outside, many pedestrians are glued to their phones, completely oblivious to the people around them.
   A friend of mine who would constantly look at her phone during breakfast and lunch. We barely talked because she was so distracted. It made me wonder, what is the point of eating together if we are just going to stare at our phones? Instead, I believe we should use these moments as opportunities to strengthen our relationships and get to know each other better. This is what I believe defines a healthy relationship.
   Even if you are academically smart, lacking social skills can make it harder to succeed. Many jobs require teamwork and collaboration, and the truth is, you cannot achieve success entirely on your own. Building strong relationships and learning to work with others are essential for both personal and professional growth.
   In conclusion, I believe that teamwork and meaningful relationships are the keys to the future. What i am going to say is that always appreciate the time you spend building connections with others, you never know how helpful these relationships will be when you need support. Go out and build your social life!

Tell me if the content is weird or not clear when u read it, you can give suggestions too as well to improve my essays

[glad charm]

The content seems fine save for the very start. I don't see how the 'I will do it later' part connects to the rest of the essay

I think getting rid of that would be best

[glad charm]

I removed that bit and modified the start accordingly and made a few minor changes here and there. Feel free to revert any of them.

An issue is becoming increasingly common, one I myself have witnessed. It is really easy to notice; you can observe it by simply walking outside. You will see that many pedestrians are glued to their phones, completely oblivious to the people around them.

A friend of mine would constantly look at her phone during breakfast and lunch. We barely talked because she was so distracted, and it made me wonder, what the point of eating together is if we are just going to stare at our phones. Instead, I believe we should use these moments together as opportunities to strengthen our relationships and get to know each other better. This is what I believe defines a healthy relationship.

Even if you are academically smart, lacking social skills can make it harder to succeed. Many jobs require teamwork and collaboration, and the truth is that you cannot achieve success entirely on your own. Building strong relationships and learning to work with others is essential for both personal and professional growth.

In conclusion, I believe that teamwork and meaningful relationships are the keys to a better future. What I am going to say is that you should always appreciate the time you spend building connections with others, as you never know how helpful these relationships will be when you need support. Go out and build your social life!

[devout sierra]

Hi can anyone help me with writing a book, I’m a beginner but I really want to start a book.

[minor ledge]

Writing a book is a super daunting task as a beginner. One of the biggest parts of being a good writer is having a good vocabulary and knowing how to use syntax/punctuation properly. I'm sure jumping into one would definitely help you improve, though I think it'll need a lot of revision.

[glad charm]

That's like skipping the tutorial and fighting the final boss with a level 2 character and a stick as your only tool

[queen wedge]

Stars hide your fires

😌

[true hemlock]

This is really good, everything is clear and understandable with some parts being a bit choppy but I can understand for the most part. 9.2/10

[glad charm]

I have a question. Is punctuation really on the writer? I thought that the main bulk of that is usually on the editor

Like, a writer wouldn't just use 0 punctuation, ofc, but do they have to have a strong understanding pf punctuation

[queen wedge]

U should tell them which parts might be a bit choppy ;)

[solid grove]

Don't let them demotivate you...

Writing a novel will improve your English skills, by a lot.

[glad charm]

You shouldn't jump to something as big as writing a novel so early on, imo

[solid grove]

Who said he's gonna publish it?

Writing simultaneously improves everything... this is understood by everyone, I suppose.

[glad charm]

I'm just saying, such a huge task for a beginner will probably result in demotivation

[solid grove]

It depends person-to-person, no?

In some sense, you might be right; if only he could also start from writing small stories...

[glad charm]

Writing a novel is probably a great way to improve when it comes to higher-level skills, but a beginner needs to focus on improving their grammar and gaining basic vocabulary, stuff that trying to write a novel won't really teach you

I agree that short stories could be helpful for a beginner, though

[solid grove]

Yea, you're right, until and unless they use a software that auto-corrects (i.e. Docs, Word, etc.)

[glad charm]

I guess that could make it work, but those aren't perfect

[solid grove]

There are better methods, you're correct here.

[glad charm]

This was pretty civil lol

Nice conversation

[solid grove]

They could practice English whilst writing stories.

[solid grove]

lol

[glad charm]

That sounds optimal

[heady nova]

Dear Sirs,

On 19th August 2022, I have purchased a tube of face oil to remove my acne scars through your website fakewebsite.com. Your product was delivered on time and I was satisfied.

Unfortunately, after a week of use, I noticed an unusual effect that was not described in the manual. My skins were getting unusually greasy, and at this point I paid no further concern, since this wasn't much of a problem in my daily life. In addition, I believed that this was an already familliar side-effect to the fabricant. Contrasting to what I had expected, after a year of use, I gained a noticable amount of acnees, which was not what your website has purported for this product. Furthermore, my skins had gotten severely itchy with a slight burn feeling when in contact with the sun, after applying the oil.

I have made several complaint calls to the customer service, but they were all but sensible. I am demanding a suitable compensation for the physical and mental damage that was caused by your product. In addition, I will not let this go unreported and will inquire help from government officials.

I look forward to your reply and resolution to my problem. For further information, you can contact me through this email, my lawyer will be reading your reply.

Yours faithfully,

First version so I expect many improving points

[glad charm]

a tube of face oil to remove my face
????

[heady nova]

lol sorry

silly mistake

i was retyping from the written ver

im guessing facial oil is more well-suited, the task specified that some type of oil used on face must be mentioned

[glad charm]

Dear Sirs,

On 19th August 2022, I purchased a tube of face oil to remove my acne scars through your website: fakewebsite.com. Your product was delivered on time, and I was satisfied.

Unfortunately, after a week of use, I noticed an unusual effect that was not mentioned in the manual. My skin was getting unusually greasy, and at the time, I paid it no mind, since it wasn't much of a problem in my daily life. I had also believed that this side-effect was already known to the fabricant. However, contrary to what I had expected, after a year of use, I developed a noticeable amount of acne, which went against what your website purports the product to do. Furthermore, my skin would itch intensely and would become slightly inflamed when it came into contact with sunlight after applying the oil.

I have made several complaint calls to customer service, but they were not sensible. I demand suitable compensation for the physical and mental damage caused by your product. In addition, I will not let this go unreported and will request help from government officials.

I look forward to your reply and resolution to my issue. For further information, you can contact me through this email; my lawyer will be reading your reply.

Yours faithfully,

[glad charm]

I made some modifications

[heady nova]

thank you very much

[glad charm]

I would change asking help from government officials to making this a legal matter

[glad charm]

But I didn't wanna change the content, so I didn't make that change

It's up to you

[heady nova]

lol I saw so many mistakes now, ill reread my text first next time

[native jacinth]

Hi could anyone proofread this please I am not sure if the reported speech is correct

In the interview, Tony pointed out he had made his first film three years ago but he was too young and the film was a complete disaster.

He admitted that he get his first break with a music video.

He said fortunately, it went viral.

He added that it was a huge success.

He agreed the video really helped him make a name for himself.

He claimed he hadn't look back after that.

He told he was working on an adaptation of Selena Starr's new best-seller.

He explained it was the best novel he had ever read.

[queen wedge]

In the interview, Tony pointed out he had made his first film three years ago, but he was too young, and the film was a complete disaster.

He admitted that he got his first break with a music video.

He said, fortunately, it went viral.

He added that it was a huge success.

He agreed that the video really helped him make a name for himself.

He claimed that he hadn't looked back after that.

He said he was working on an adaption of Selena Starr's new bestseller.

He explained that it was the best novel he had ever read.

[queen wedge]

I made small changes to your grammar, but if you're looking for more broad feedback, it would be useful to share what this is about. :)

[glad charm]

Shouldn't that 'first break' be 'first breakthrough'?

[native jacinth]

It’s an assignment. We get short interview and have to make a reported speech from it. I wasn’t sure if it’s grammarly correct so I asked for help

I am grateful for your help

Thanks:)

[native jacinth]

In the original text it’s only first break :)

[glad charm]

I see, I see

[queen wedge]

It's a more colloquial way of saying it.

[queen wedge]

What kind of speech?

OH OOPS

[native jacinth]

Reported speech

[glad charm]

I see

thanks

[glad charm]

ops?

[queen wedge]

ive never done an assignment like that so i found the spacings between sentences weird

but nvm

ty!

[queen wedge]

ofc 🫶🏻

[native jacinth]

Btw until it’s just checking assignments it’s ok right:)?

Like I’m not breaking rule making homework

[queen wedge]

yes. you should be okay asking people to proofread your work usually

but you should ask your teacher or check what the assignment says.

but i personally take it as a "yes" if my teacher doesnt clarify

[native jacinth]

[rough wraith]

I have always admired different cultures, but never had the opportunity to work with someone from another country. Back in 2022, I met this Indian girl named Nisha, an exchange student who was part of the CIEE program. During a high school event, she presented her culture and its events to everyone.

After the presentation, I shared with her the Tunisian culture in hopes to exchange even more information about her traditions. Like the Eid celebrations in Tunisia, which involve family gatherings for prayers and meals, while she told me about the festivals in her country and how they are close to Tunisian celebrations in the spirituality and gatherings matter too. We discussed these things with open mindedness while also using humour to ease up any uprising tension.
We got along pretty quickly, and so we thought about working on a webinar. We hosted google meeting sessions every weekend, in which she invited her Indian friends while I also invited my Tunisian friends with similar interests of getting to know people from across the seas. We included making PPT presentations of how our weeks went like to make the sessions even more interactive. This project carried on with total success, making it a space for people to connect in.

If selected for the program, I would continue to embrace these differences with empathy and understanding. By encouraging open communication and showing genuine interest in learning from others, I believe strong and respectful relationships can be built across diverse cultural backgrounds.

this is for a scholarship, what do you guys think ?
and here's the prompt for it:
Please describe a time when you worked with someone from a different background or culture. What was different between you and the other person? How did you manage these differences? If you were selected for the Thomas Jefferson Scholarship Program, how would you manage differences between yourself and people from different backgrounds or cultures during the program?

[uncut socket]

Who can help me proofread my SOP for applying to computer science programs at universities in the USA?

[rapid thunder]

can someone help me revise an essay? dm if willing

[vague pagoda]

The only thing I noticed that could be improved is instead of "Indian friends... Tunisian friends" is replacing those statements- I find them as "limiting" the people you shared with and if you're looking to give the open-minded impression you should probably just reduce it to "friends with similar interests" But it doesn't really matter if you do change it or not, it's just an observation

Besides that, I really liked it

[trim edge]

hi

[vague pagoda]

Helloo

[trim edge]

hi]

[glad charm]

Hi

[trim edge]

hi

[glad charm]

Hi

[trim edge]

add me as friend

[glad charm]

Whyy

[trim edge]

i want to be your friend

[glad charm]

Interesting

No

[trim edge]

ok

[violet carbon]

Ah, the pain in, “Ok.” Shit

[glad charm]

Better a 'No' than to be led on

[trim edge]

hi

[rough wraith]

here's the prompt

The Thomas Jefferson Scholarship program focuses on building leaders who are committed to contributing to their home communities. If you were the mayor of your hometown, what is one challenge facing the community that you would address?
Why is that an important issue to solve?
How would you convince community members to support that idea?
What is one thing that you would like to learn or experience in the United States to help you become a better community leader in Tunisia in the future?
.
.
.

As a proud citizen of Kelibia, I must mention the beauty of our coasts and beaches. Yet, unfortunately, it is starting to fade away due to the pollution from plastic waste, sewage discharge, and other harmful substances that are increasingly growing every year. If I were the mayor, I would make it my mission to protect this natural fortune.
As tourism peaks during the summer, pollution generated by the waste of visitors and local citizens threatens Kelibia’s natural beauty, by increasing the overall rate of waste. This not only endangers our fortune but also our economy which mostly comes from tourism. Without immediate action, we risk losing one of our treasures. Additionally, this pollution could lead to the cancellation of regional events, such as the annual ‘El Fatha Beach Volleyball Tournament’’.
Remaining unsolved, this problem would damage marine life, harming local fishing, which is an important aspect of Kelibia’s economy. Furthermore, it poses risks to public health through contaminated water.

To gain community backing for my plan, I would implement several strategies, including collaborating with environmental associations such as “Kelibia Beach Cleanup” which is organized by local volunteers and environmental activists focusing on cleaning up the beaches in Kelibia.
Furthermore, to amplify the message, I would call for the support of international associations such as Greenpeace Tunisia, while also partnering with influencers to raise awareness among their followers.
Because spreading the message alone isn’t enough, it needs to be followed by practical solutions such as launching targeted sensibilization campaigns that will include customized messages to different groups of people like tourists, fishermen, and students. On top of that, I will try to enroll citizens in environmental workshops and campaigns. Moreover, I’m going to collaborate with famous radio stations that are listened to by all groups of ages such as “Mosaique FM”. It will highlight the dangers of litter waste and the damage it causes if one doesn’t intervene.
To get citizens to practice what they’ve learnt from the aforementioned actions, I will foster collaborative projects and hold group meetings to create practical solutions like making eco-friendly bags and promoting the 3Rs which are Reduce, Reuse, and Recycle. To complement this initiative, I'm going to try to adopt the recycling system in Europe that is based on having a separate can for recyclable items. These activities and lessons will cultivate in citizens a deep sense of responsibility towards Kelibia’s environment.

For a long-term solution, I would need to ensure the sustainability of these activities as I would parent with environmental agencies and set up regulative laws to implement penalties for illegal dumping. Simultaneously, I will coordinate with the higher authorities in order to get financial and legislative support. Not only that, but I will also support building renewable energy projects to reduce fuel emissions.
In the United States, I would like to enroll in many successful environmental initiatives and events such as the NY Climate Week. While also experiencing first-hand activities that will teach me about forming stronger networks which is a crucial skill to become a better community leader. Getting involved in environmental workshops and community clean-ups will help me gain insight into diverse projects fostered by associations such as the Natural Resources Defense Council. These experiences will assist in my learning journey about what makes the U.S. an eco-friendly and nature-focused place that displays its beauty.

[pine stream]

pretty good, just some conciseness, eg instead of
"pollution generated by the waste of visitors and local citizens" do "pollution generated by visitors' and local citizens' waste"
"Remaining unsolved, this problem would" use "If left unsolved, this problem would"

plus i would use "I'm going to try to adopt" into "I would work to adopt" to maintain the consistency in tense

had a typo at "i would parent with environmental agencies"

[glad charm]

Question, isn't it 'concision' not 'conciseness'?

[dry jasper]

2e

[glad charm]

What

[dry jasper]

2nd

I meant it's the seccond word you mentioned

not the first one

[glad charm]

Really? I've only seen concision in use

[dry jasper]

I've only seen the other but it seems they both exist

[glad charm]

Oh

Interesting

Thank you

[dry jasper]

scella, where do you get your promts ?

[glad charm]

What do you mean?

What promts

[dry jasper]

propmts

prompts

I would like to write long form texts as well and I don't know what to write about

[glad charm]

I wasn't the writer of the message above

@rough wraith was

[dry jasper]

my bad the names were all yellow and I mixed them up

[glad charm]

But yea, when I do wanna write something I go to Reddit's writing prompts sub

[dry jasper]

that's smart

[glad charm]

There are some good ones there

Hope you can find something

[rough wraith]

What do you think of it so far and thanks for telling me 🫶

[glad charm]

There was a 'Yes my mother is a witch, no I do not hate her' prompt that spiked my interest, but I never got around to trying to write anything for it, lol

I have not yet read it

I pinged you to give you credit for the text, as Remy thought I was the one who wrote it

Because we share yellow names

[dry jasper]

I think it's well made

Prompt:
You find an old, unmarked letter in your mailbox. When you open it, you discover it's addressed to someone you don’t know, but the letter seems to be for you. What does it say, and how do you respond?

One time, I found an old and unmarked letter in my mailbox. I had opened it as I thought it was mine. Why wouldn't it be ? it was sent to my house afterall. However, even upon my initial gaze on the letter, I had figured out that this letter wasn't directed towards me.

The name on the letter, the supposed recipient, was Guillaume. I thought for about a minute and thought to myself how I didn't even know anyone named Guillaume. Wasted as I was, I decided to ponder upon in more. what if I had met a Guillame at the bar ? "That couldn't be it." I said to myself "How could a letter for them be sent to my house the day after I've met them ? "

Having nothing to go on to find the rightful owner of the letter, I had decided to go through extreme measures. I had decided to call my girlfriend during her work hours. The phone rang until it went to the answering machine. I decided to try my luck one more time and she finally picked up. With a silent rage, she asked me what I wanted from her. As I was explaining the situation to her, she cut me off and said "you went out drinking, didn't come home, and call me in the morning to tell me this sh*t ? " to which she followed up by immediately hanging up on me. I thought to myself about how crazy she was acting. "Didn't come home ? I'm literally out here in our..." I stopped talking to myself as I looked into what should have been my house, and realized that I had been at someone else's house.

open to feedback. Do I need to use more connectors ?

The phone rang until it went to the answering machine. HERE I decided to try my luck one more time and she finally picked up

over there for example could I put " so then " ?
but would I have to combine them into one sentence ?

[random moon]

can someone help me proofread?

[fossil quest]

What do you need help in proofreading?

[weak zephyr]

Hey y'all, I'm Jay... Am 25

[heady nova]

What ks proofreading?

[glad charm]

Proofreading is reading over something to check it for mistakes

[random moon]

english hw!

[noble anchor]

Thanks

[fossil quest]

You can share it with us here if you want

[queen wedge]

Hi, I've never been able to proofread your work, but hopefully today changes that! :)

[queen wedge]

Oop- sorry. This is great! If you're looking for grammar changes, these are the changes I'd make:

“...prayers and meals, she told me about the festivals in India, and their similarity to Tunisian celebrations in emphasising family and spirituality.”

“We hosted meetings on Google every weekend, in which she invited her Indian friends while I invited my Tunisian friends with similar interests in getting to know people from across the sea.”

“Our project carried on with total success, and it became a space for people to connect.”

I made slight changes to your sentences for clarity, but that's it. Those were the only grammar changes needed, really!!

[rough wraith]

How’d you do in your exams ? 😭

[queen wedge]

Final exams are in February. 😭 ⚰️

[queen wedge]

But, your grammar is actually great and it really doesn't need that much changing.

I have feedback on the content of your writing, however.

Oh oops- submitted. 🤩

[random moon]

i am answering a question from the lady or the tiger

The princess decided to send the lover to the lady. There are multiple suggestions in the plot pointing to this. For instance, since the deciding judge is fate in the amphitheatre, if the lover was to go with the tiger, it would suggest that their love was certainly illegal as that was to be inevitably the result, according to fate. Thus, making it illegal to love the princess regardless. However, if the lady was chosen then the lover was innocent for loving the princess and even if he's married, others can still love the princess, if based on the amphitheatre and its concept of fate-centred justice. Perhaps though one of the primary reasons the princess might've chosen the lady was because of the choices she would be able to make after. It's true that it wouldn't be illegal for her to have lovers, but it also means that she could use her authority, influence, etc. to manipulate the aftermath of the decision—similar to how she figured out which door had what and telling her lover that.

With her being the princess and her fervent beauty, she would attract many lovers and the amphitheatre's innocence for the person who loved the princess would amplify this. She could also use her authority and influence again to make the lover come back to her. For example, by ending the marriage or convincing the king or because she's 'semi-barbaric', getting rid of the lady. Her semi-barbarism could also be attributed to why she would choose the lady instead of the tiger. She's semi-barbaric, not totally. Even if she was totally barbaric like her father, the princess had the conscience to 'assist' her lover by figuring out which door had what. Some could attribute this to her wanting to control her lover's fate and to make sure the lover is mauled by the tiger so no one else could have him, but more likely I believe is that she was acting to assist her lover. Plus, she still went out of her way to figure out which door had what and to pick the tiger would only contrast the nature around her.

The lover had been described as having charisma and being handsome, and the princess still loved him. She probably couldn't imagine her lover being torn to pieces, and what of the other problem? It would be her fault for having sent him the tiger, and the eternal love they'd spend together in heaven would not be because she was the one that had brought him death. Moreover, she made her relationship with her lover a secret, which attests even more to the love she feels; the lady would be the kindest fate. Picking the lady leads to the most amount of happiness: no one dies, people are happy to see such a courageous and handsome man not being mauled by a tiger, etc. The princess may have recognised this, and realising she had other chances to get her lover back. Lastly, during the princess' deliberation on which door to pick, it is easy for her to realise the disadvantages of the tiger because they are so punctual whereas it is not so obvious about the lady—that is largely because the disadvantages are less and much less obvious. Clearly, it would be the lady seeing that the princess can continue to vindicate fate because of her authority, beauty, and power; ironically, at the same time, removing the veil of fate that the amphitheatre's apparent authority is based upon, and contrasting the blinded faith the princess' father has in fate.
One must note, however, that the lover did not have to follow the princess’ glance.

[heady nova]

@random moon hey how did you learn so many words :v?

[signal pier]

Go to #🌄｜word-of-the-day, take a word from there and translate it into your own language and try to put it into a phrase.
Optional: Try to write every word you learn on a notebook and revise those words on your every sleep routine.

Just one word daily is more than enough to master 365 words yearly.

[heady nova]

@signal pier Got it , thanks

[random moon]

Idrk

[fossil quest]

sorry it took me so long to get back to you on this. I have a few suggestions on how to improve the writing. I don't have much knowledge about the story itself, so some of my suggestions may be slightly inaccurate in relation to what actually happened in the story, but maybe you can revise my revision if necessary to form agree ment with the source text.

1
"since the deciding judge is fate in the amphitheatre"
this sounds a bit awkward in phrasing, so I would rephrase this as "since the deciding judge in the amphitheatre is fate"

2
"if the lover was to go with the tiger"
rephrase "if the lover were to choose/face the tiger" (pick either choose or face, but not both)

3
"it would suggest that their love was certainly illegal as that was to be inevitably the result, according to fate"
this sounds awkward too, but it's difficult to decide how to rephrase it. maybe reduce the length of your sentence here
maybe say "it would indicate that fate has deemed their love was undeniably illegal"

4
"Her semi-barbarism could also be attributed to why she would choose the lady instead of the tiger. She's semi-barbaric, not totally."
Maybe replace "could also be attributed to" with "might explain". And you do use repetitive language here. you could fix this by saying "Her semi-barbarism might explain why she chose the lady instead of the tiger, as she is not entirely like her father."

5
"With her being the princess and her fervent beauty, she would attract many lovers and the amphitheatre's innocence for the person who loved the princess would amplify this."
The phrasing of the first few words is lacking clarity, perhaps you can say "As a princess, her beauty and status would attract many admirers." And the way you say "the amphitheatre's innocence for the person who loved the princess" sounds wrong too, maybe you can say "the amphitheatre's absolution of guilt for anyone who loved her"

6
"Her semi-barbarism could also be attributed to why she would choose the lady instead of the tiger. Even if she was totally barbaric like her father, the princess had the conscience to 'assist' her lover by figuring out which door had what."
A few things here... replace "could be attributed to" with "might explain" like I showed you in a previous edit. Also, instead of saying "Even if she was totally barbaric like her father," you might say "Unlike her father, who was totally barbaric,". And it sounds oddly informal to say "which door had what". You could try something like "which door held which fate"

7
"might've"
you should expand this to "might have" when writing formally

8
"described as having charisma and being handsome"
this can be simplified to "described as handsome and charismatic"

9
"The princess may have recognised this, and realising she had other chances to get her lover back."
change "realising" to "realised"

10
"are less and much less obvious"
this sounds quite informal and awkward. You could try to be descriptive like "are subtler and less immediate"

11
"the most amount of happiness"
I'm getting a bit picky now, but maybe this could be "the greatest happiness"

12
"the lover"
There are a few times you say "the lover" when it may be better to say "her lover" as you often do in other parts in your text. Even though you may be trying to add variety to your response, I think in this case, stick with consistency and say "her lover" each time. There are many other ways to add variety to your style.

I think that's enough from me for now. I hope this helps @random moon

Your writing is overall very good, by the way.

[random moon]

🌹

[knotty swallow]

Don’t click on these

[long forge]

Don't click on what?

[knotty swallow]

Spammer was sending malicious links. I got deep to deal with it though

[long forge]

I see

[hardy roost]

Hi all this wednesday I have an English language profficiency exam, as part of that I have to make a small biography/description (80 words) explaining my proficiency in the English Language (this will be printed on the certificate). Maybe anyone of you see some mistakes or have some suggestions.

As an aeronautical engineering graduate and trained pilot, my English language proficiency is essential for effective communication in the aviation industry. I have honed my language skills by technical writing, reading scholarly literature, and living abroad in several countries, most notably the United States. Furthermore, having worked for Boeing, I am well-versed in the industry jargon. My ability to articulate complex technical information clearly and confidently plays a crucial role in ensuring safe and efficient operations in the skies.

[short hazel]

from a basic native point of view this is very good

however the first sentence was quite a mouthful

i think to make it flow better you could trim it down to just say "as an aeronautical engineering graduate and trained pilot, proficient english is essential for effective communication in aviation"

could just be me

[wanton field]

yp

yo

i see ur a helper for english

and was wondering if u could help me with 3ish paragraphs

for a writing

[faint whale]

if anyone is willing to, i have a 14 page essay that id like to get proofread

i think im proud of it

[hardy roost]

I agree with the concept of keeping it short and simple; I think I went a bit too much by expanding on it with a wide vocabulary, after all I have to make a statement showing my proficiency.

[hardy briar]

If I were you id replace the word jargon with terminology because jargon can seem to some people to have a negative connotation, implying its unnecessary or slang type terms. Other than that it looks great to me.

[glad charm]

I mean it sounded fine to me

[hardy roost]

Hmm, I see, I think "terminology" also pertains more of a formal sentiment.
Jargon is maybe also a bit more American English? And terminology sounds more neutral.

and umh now I'm thinking, is it the industry's terminology or industry terminology?
Both seem correct when I read it, depending on what the subject is in this sentence.

[hardy briar]

I'm not sure if jargon is more American, but yeah it may not be the best term. And hm its both the industry terminology and the terminology of the industry, Id go with the one that doesn't have apostrophes. It just flows and looks a little cleaner than using 'industry's' but they have the same meaning.

[crude orbit]

jargon is perfect here, as it means industry specific terminology ( which is appropriate here )

however as mentioned it could carry a connotation of difficult/negative words, but if this is going to people within the industry you shouldn’t worry

[bleak saddle]

The Warmth Of Christmas Eve

The snow fell gently on the small town of Evergreen, blanketing the streets and rooftops in a soft, shimmering white. The air smelled of pine and cinnamon as children in colorful scarves darted between houses, delivering last-minute gifts and cheer. In the cozy little home at the end of Holly Lane, 8-year-old Clara sat by the fireplace, her cheeks rosy from the cold.
Her father was stringing lights on the tree while her mother stirred hot cocoa in the kitchen. The room was alive with the glow of Christmas lights, the crackle of the fire, and the soft hum of carols playing on the radio.
“Mom, when will he be here?” Clara asked, hugging her stuffed bear tightly.
“Soon, sweetie,” her mother replied with a smile, though her eyes flickered nervously to the clock. “But only if you’re asleep when he arrives. Santa doesn’t like to be seen, remember?”
Clara nodded, but she didn’t move. Her father laughed and ruffled her hair. “Why don’t we leave him some cookies? That’ll make him extra happy!”

Clara eagerly arranged a plate of cookies and a glass of milk on the mantel. As the evening deepened, her parents tucked her into bed and kissed her goodnight. “Sweet dreams, darling,” her mother whispered, pulling the quilt up to Clara’s chin.
But Clara didn’t fall asleep. Not really. She lay there with one eye half-open, waiting for the sound of sleigh bells or the soft crunch of boots on snow. She wanted to catch just a glimpse of Santa. Just one.

Hours later, the house was silent. The fire had died to embers, and the moon cast silver beams through the frosted windows. Clara stirred, drawn from her half-sleep by a strange sound—a low, rhythmic tapping.
She slipped out of bed, her bare feet whispering on the wooden floor as she crept to the door. The tapping grew louder. It wasn’t coming from the roof or the fireplace. It was coming from outside her bedroom window.
Clara’s heart thudded in her chest. She pulled back the curtain, expecting to see reindeer tracks or maybe Santa himself.
Instead, she saw a man in the snow, standing perfectly still beneath the streetlamp. He wore no red suit, no jolly expression. His face was pale, his eyes wide and unblinking, and his mouth was stretched into a grin too large for his face. His head tilted unnaturally as if he’d heard her.
Clara froze. The man raised his hand and tapped on the glass again with long, thin fingers. His breath didn’t fog the window.
“Clara,” he whispered, his voice like the crunch of ice underfoot. “You’ve been waiting for me, haven’t you?”
She stumbled back, her legs trembling as she turned to call for her parents. But the hallway was dark, and the air felt heavy, like the stillness before a storm.
“Mom? Dad?” she called, her voice barely above a whisper.
No answer.
Clara turned back to the window. The man was gone. But now the tapping came from the front door. Slow. Deliberate.

“Let me in, Clara,” the voice came again, closer this time. “I’ve been watching you all night. I’m your special visitor.”
Tears streamed down her face as she ran to her parents' room, flinging open the door. But the bed was empty. The room was cold, as if no one had been there for hours.
From downstairs came the sound of the front door creaking open.
Footsteps.
The last thing Clara heard before the darkness took her was that same voice, now inside the house, whispering:
“Merry Christmas.”

Epilogue:
The next morning, Evergreen awoke to a shocking scene. Clara’s house stood silent and untouched, save for the faintest imprint of long, thin footprints in the snow leading away from the front door. No one inside was ever found, and the cookies on the mantel remained untouched.
Some say Clara got her wish that Christmas Eve—a visitor, just not the one she was hoping for.

[queen wedge]

Omg,

I read this and I got chills near the end.

You are very good at descriptive writing and there are no grammar mistakes at all!

Honestly the only suggestion I could possibly make, and this isn't proofreading at this point, is that you should make the interaction between that mysterious being and the girl longer. The ending just feels a bit rushed for me, but I mean, it still gave me chills!

[queen wedge]

Where you write:“Hours later, the house was silent,” I would suggest deleting the “hours later.” I feel like the understanding of the house's silence, and that description you give of nature becoming quiet already emphasises that passing of time. It's implicit. I find that beginning like: “The House was silent,” is more acerbic, and almost like when you remove that sense of time, your description becomes more visceral and contributes more to that paragraph's mood.

This paragraph,

Instead, she saw a man in the snow, standing perfectly still beneath the streetlamp. He wore no red suit, no jolly expression. His face was pale, his eyes wide and unblinking, and his mouth was stretched into a grin too large for his face. His head tilted unnaturally as if he’d heard her.

Should go with the previous one.

Omg, my mom keeps calling me. 😭

[heady nova]

sorry to burst your bubble but this is ai…

https://tenor.com/view/homer-simpson-gif-3416287

[queen wedge]

Wait actually-

Is there proof…

[heady nova]

girl just use any ai checker online

i could tell from the first sentence it looked chatgpt-ified

either that or they used too much ai to help with their writing

[queen wedge]

Omg

Bruh

[queen wedge]

I mean it’s possible it’s wrong 🤷‍♀️

[heady nova]

maybe

[queen wedge]

Their grammar is very superb snd nuanced though and it’s hard to be that good w grammar

[heady nova]

just maybe

[queen wedge]

I don’t wanna judgeeee

[heady nova]

maybe…

https://tenor.com/view/homer-simpson-gif-3416287

[queen wedge]

it is their fault or their consequence, good or bad, if it is ai

And besides it can be proofread anyways

But wow I was so oblivious to that

[heady nova]

well now yk

https://tenor.com/view/homer-simpson-gif-3416287

[queen wedge]

I didn’t think for a second it had utilised ai but it seems more likely now

[heady nova]

GIRL STOP TYPING

[queen wedge]

Yyyyy

[heady nova]

I’m trying to get the last word 😭

[queen wedge]

I feel betrayed

[queen wedge]

Okay fine waittt

[heady nova]

why do you think I keep using the Homer Simpson gif

To look mysterious

Lmao

[queen wedge]

https://tenor.com/view/queen-elizabeth-smile-pretty-cute-highness-gif-17910240

[heady nova]

ok Lizzie

You done

I hope so

Here goes…

https://tenor.com/view/homer-simpson-gif-3416287

[crude orbit]

@queen wedge gurl you were so nice 😭😭 and it turned out to be ai

[heady nova]

@crude orbit don't be surprise

That'a what it is

True world where liars are all around

Decievers everywhere

You wanna know something?

[crude orbit]

depends what it is

[minor ledge]

Punctuation can completely change the delivery/mood of a sentence, so yes it is important for a writer to have a good grasp on it. While an editer can alter incorrect punctuation, they're often doing it just based on grammar rules, while the writer uses it as a tool to create pause and structure to a character or narration's sentence that may not be strictly necessary but useful to convey tone.

[glad charm]

That's a good point I ddin't consider, thank you!

I generally take more of the editor's grammar-focused approach when I'm punctuating my sentences (not informally though, informally I kinda do whatever feels like it works lol), so I didn't consider the 'vibe' the punctuation could give in a novel

[minor ledge]

@glad charm Most native speaker's don't use punctuation at all in informal sentences save the occasional comma lol. If you're writing a character line that is supposed to be spoken informally, you can also use punctuation in a technically improper way that reflects how a certain English dialect would say it. You can cut off words with the ' symbol, i.e. jokin', 'cause, etc. You can put dashes in words or in between words to indicate pause or a stutter, etc. My overall point is that knowing what different punctuation does can allow you to apply it dynamically in ways that may not be taught in formal English but often used in books and written media in general

[queen wedge]

💔

[minor ledge]

I mean gptzero is pulling 7% ai. Reads like normal to me. Definitely could be AI but no real way to tell

[heady nova]

People hate snitches because they hate to be caught doing what they must not do , but sometimes there's no other way someone needs be a righteouss man, to be a snitch or not to be a snitch, someone needs to question this in its life , because that, is the answer for having a unacused mind before going to sleep , as the bible says about being a mate's evil : Proverbs 25:26-28 : Fountain of cloudy water, corrupted spring: that is the righteous man who surrenders to the wicked! It is not advisable to eat a lot of honey, nor to seek one's own glory.

[queen wedge]

to snitch or not to snitch

that is the question

[heady nova]

you only need to fix the poor man's writing

com'on do something...

[queen wedge]

I did give my suggestions

Regardless of if it’s ai or not

This is why I hate reading horror stories

Now I’m thinking that long mouthed being from that short story above

Is right outside my window

[heady nova]

@queen wedge It is not made by AI

i made it myself

seat and enjoy

though i copied and paid the bible's quote

[heady nova]

[heady nova]

Since upon a time there was a Gold Retriever dog whom was called Honey due its yellow half orange hair , it was a nice dog and he was male , he really liked to go running with his owner , his owner and friend was Hector , he used to go running every Friday with Honey.
Until something happened to Honey , Honey got a cold and could not go running nor joining him for a run on the streets that were nearby the coasts , he would enjoy the walks with Hector but sadly it wont be possible for a while.

A days already happened since then , and Honey came back to his running and obviously with his dear friend Hector, because Honey feel like every friday's running , it has to be with Hector his best friend and owner.

@queen wedge@heady nova Do you like that one?

@queen wedgeNow you can sleep accounting sheeps jumping a red

[short hazel]

Spaces only go after commas

Not before

Since upon a time does not make sense. Since indicates a causation/event, e.g. “Since I went to the gym, my arm started aching.”

I believe you intended to say “Once upon a time”

Which means something happened at some point in the past, usually a long time ago

Gold retriever should be golden retriever, that’s the name of that type of dog

You should make use of full-stop/periods more, otherwise the sentence draws out and becomes a mouthful

When listing things, be sure to add commas between items, even if it’s a very short list. Correction: “yellow, half-orange hair.”

My signal is dying so that’s all I can do right now

[heady nova]

@short hazel thank you very much

[queen wedge]

Lol 😭

TYSM FOR SHARING I FEEL HONOURED ⭐

[queen wedge]

“Once upon a time…”

“yellow, half-orange hair”
Change to: “golden retriever”
“who was called”

“It was a nice dog and he was male**.** He really liked to go running with owner**.** His owner and friend was Hector**.** he used to go running every Friday with Honey**,** until something happened to Honey**.**”

“nor join him”
“near the coasts. He would…”
“it wouldn’t be possible for a while.”

“Days had passed since then, and Honey went back to his running, obviously with his dear friend Hector because Honey felt like every Friday’s run had to be with Hector, his best friend and owner.”

You are actually so good at writing sweet stories!!

If you were looking for proofreading, I did, but it is such a sweet story. Tysm for sharing!!

If you’re looking for feedback, it’s what Owen said. Try to use periods at the end of sentences and commas when you’re listing. Since they give the effect of breathing, you can usually automatically tell where a comma should go.

I mostly only made necessary corrections. ;)

Ty for sharing

[heady nova]

Got it

[heady nova]

@queen wedge Yeah I'm trying to improve my grammar by creating this texts , idk if this is the indicated place.

[queen wedge]

YES!! THIS IS THE PERFECT PLACE FOR THAT

Share whatever you want! someone will always proofread it and give you feedback on your grammar or even more than just grammar!

u wrote a good story for your level & i hope u continue to share :)

[bleak saddle]

I just write like an AI. I once edited an AI generated story that measured at 78% AI and rewrote it from scratch and the AI detector said it was 87% AI. The problem with these detectors is that they just check for grammatical, spelling, and flow errors and assume that a low number of errors means that it is AI generated.

[bleak saddle]

My writing process:

1. Come up with an idea
2. Break the idea into sections
3. Create the section plans
4. Create the paragraph plans
5. Write five alternative candidate sentences for each given sentence.
6. Select the most appropriate sentence from the five options
7. Repeat Steps 5-6
   I would then begin writing 5 candidate sentences for each good sentence in the story. Afterwards I would take choose my preferred sentence and add it to the good copy. I would then repeat this process for each sentence.

If anyone would like to send me a short story I can tell you what's wrong with it, and how it can be improved. Basically, I will be proving that my writing is original by showing my work while improving yours.

[queen wedge]

honestly i dont think that its just looking at grammar but im srry that happened

i think we're all very happy to hear that it isnt ai but it just goes to show how superb of a writer you are!

[queen wedge]

That is a very tedious process oh my-

When I write a story i do something similar but like i just do a rlly superfluous draft and then i create a new tab and rewrite the story from scratch using my reference draft

its tedious but wow!! that is a very meticulous process

[bleak saddle]

Quality writing isn't hard. Its all about the process and the tools you use. Thesaurus.com is the most useful.

[queen wedge]

Oh, no! quality writing is hard

it is easy to write blandly and it is easy, even when you have an armamentarium of words, to be superfluous, cliche, or something else

[bleak saddle]

Perhaps the way that you do it. If you use my method it is quite simple, but it does take a long time

[queen wedge]

ig it depends on what you think is quality writing but personally i think it is hard to come across

[queen wedge]

your process i am sure will lead to wonderful grammar but i think the quality depends on the person

at the end of the day you will still need to use ur creativity or whatever to weave a story with meaning

i mean thats what i think is quality writing

it should have great grammar, structure, and syntax, ofc, but it should be meaningful in some way

and i just think a lot of stories are cliche

[bleak saddle]

Well I think pulling from real life works the best when it comes to ideas.

[queen wedge]

YES! 💅🏻

reading is amazing f/ that

[bleak saddle]

For example if I wanted to write another christmas horror story I would probably take santa and just do the opposite. Instead of being a saint he would be a demon. Instead of having Elves he would have worshippers. Instead of giving rewards for being good he would give punishments for being bad.

[queen wedge]

that is a wonderful idea!

But personally i feel like it is a bit cliche, and if you are writing that i feel like it would be obvious to guess

but i think itd still make a rlly great story bc i mean ur an amazing writer

[heady nova]

:v You can be someone perfectly kind and righteouss being a punisher but this isn't the place

[heady nova]

Hi everyone. This is my writing. I wanted to know if the piece can be considered good enough to be read and has natural flow. Any suggestions is welcomed. I did use AI for minor grammatical corrections like punctuations and articles .Nonetheless, the theme, wordings are my own. A small wooden window rattled, flailing like a flag in the strongest of winds as if to whisk away any object, big or small, to its whim. Sabin groped around in his bag for his torch in the dark night, but as his hand trembled as if mortified to death, the torch slipped from his grasp. A thick scent of old age permeated the very air within the house; one felt a strange, dark ambience, almost devouring any soul within its reach. No one would breathe in the house without scrunching their nose. Lightning struck, illuminating the old, dusty house, with deafening thunder following suit. The torch fell from his hand.

Priya scoffed, “Coward! Tsh. Go home now, crying to your mama. You might wet your pants as well if you see the real thing.” Turning towards her friends, she added, “Look at him losing his sh**t. Why don’t we leave the kid here and let us grown-ups do the exploring? We might find something worth selling.”

The vile words that spilled from her mouth made him shrink and accept the fact that he was the one to get the short end of the stick in this clique he had reluctantly become a part of.”I wouldn’t be here in the first place if you didn’t drag me here.” he muttered ,still fumbling for the darn torchlight that was nowhere to be found if to mock his situation.

[short hazel]

“as if mortified to death” is a separate clause and so it should be separated using a comma or dash.

Just to step it up a bit I’d replace “old age” with antiquity

I think I get the intended meaning of “one” in “one felt a strange…” but it doesn’t really work in this style, I’d just say the character’s name felt it

I’d replace “would” with “could”, makes it a bit more dramatic by changing it from choice to impulse. I’d also change No one to Nobody.

The last sentence in the first paragraph is a bit of an awkward and abrupt ending. I’d add a bit more to be like so:

• “Lightning struck, illuminating the old, dusty house, with a deafening clap of thunder following suit. The torch fell from his hand in fright, its light extinguished as it hit the floor.”
  Personal preference on the shriek, I think this rounds it up a bit more neatly.

The first sentence in the third sentence is quite long, I’d split it up after shrink with a semi-colon. The next sentence could start like “He began to accept…”

It’s been a while since writing classes but I’d put dialogue on a new line because the prior description isn’t directly to do with it.

Don’t repeat “here” in that last speech, just drop the second one and end the sentence with a comma.

Final note, always keep a space after a full-stop/period and comma.

[heady nova]

Thanks a bunch for your suggestion. I get something similar you said from anyone who read my writings saying some sentence feels a bit abrupt and have some awkward phrasing. But I don't get it? could you please simplify if so i can have better grasp what that particular suggestion meant. i get it every time.

[short hazel]

While you do mention the thunder, there’s nothing really connecting to or from it in a way that flows. It’s just on its own. Short sentences are usually used to indicate fast pace or to create some sort of shock factor through a revelation. Here, it’s quite a basic sentence with no narrational reason to justify it. It’s awkward because the aftermath is in a new paragraph and the preceding clause is in a different sentence; so there’s two (relatively) long pauses between these other events, causing it to stand out in a bad way. You should let it lead into (or get lead into from) another event smoothly, it should flow.

TL;DR, it doesn’t flow well and doesn’t have an effect that warrants a short sentence. It should have a secondary clause to flow better.

[heady nova]

Thank you clarifying it. I will try to improve it.

[heady nova]

If possible could you please give an example?

[short hazel]

It’s on the same level as saying:

“I looked outside. A dog was playing. He was happy.”
Instead, it would flow better if you changed the punctuation to let it flow:
“I looked outside and saw a dog playing, he looked happy.”

More related to your case, it’s like saying:

“I opened my door to witness the ferocity of the storm, cars were upturned and some houses had lost their roofs, at least I was lucky enough to still have mine. The wind hit me like a truck.”
This would be better as:
“As I opened my door to witness the ferocity of the storm, the wind hit me like a truck, cars were upturned…”

@heady nova

It’s better to merge clauses or add to them within a sentence. Lone clauses are usually for a specific effect, while yours didn’t have one and was just a simple descriptor

[heady nova]

I get it somehow. Thanks a lot

[heady nova]

Here's a short story of sort i wrote, feel free to suggest me anything to improve my writing: She prayed to the Almighty with perseverance and had betrothed herself to the pious path of life. Even purity might have faltered befor her saintly ways. The time stood still. She couldn’t lift herself to her feet as she felt the heavy burden in her heart. She remained still, as if an unmoving mountain—her burden heavier than all the waters in the sea and the tallest of mountains.

She wondered if it was the undoing of her own sin she didn’t know of. Her solemn figure was accentuated by the dark clouds and drizzle. She felt as if life had withered in her, and her bones had aged with the weight of old age. Each step she took felt heavier than the last. As she shakingly wandered forward, she wondered if such a cruel fate was her own doing in innocence. She had forsaken the shame of her maidenhood when she jumped like a child to appease her newborn.

She cried a mournful bellow for the deceased and accepted that her tears, no matter how many they were or how tragic, couldn’t breathe life into the departed. She could no longer wait for the answer she desperately longed for. She wiped her tears and stared into the blankness of the dark, her mind teetering between madness and a faint hope that the Almighty Himself would descend to the human plane and resurrect her beloved—her child—whom she had lost in the blink of an eye.

Her test was unbearable to her. She lacked the patience of Job, for she only sought her daughter’s breath and the sight of her playing in her lap. Nor did she possess the perseverance of saintly angels or the asceticism of Paul. She wondered if such a cruel fate was her own doing, a consequence of her ignorance, her sin unknown to her.

[heady nova]

I liked that one

[queen wedge]

The only error I found was the misspelling of “before.”

It is a very descriptive piece of writing! :)

Your vocabulary must be large because there are a lot of great words in there. That's something that I really noticed when I was reading it: your vocabulary in your descriptive writing.

Your style seems almost “modern archaic.” I love that the words you used are really deep and rich and it compliments the topic of your writing. There's this almost sanctimonious feel I get when I read it!!

I did find that some of your sentences were a bit difficult to follow, like your first sentence. The “...had betrothed herself to the pious path of life,” makes your sentence have less parallelism, but maybe you are trying to have that distinct effect!!

& “the time stood still” makes more sense if it was “time stood still” for me.

[golden mesa]

This is my irrelevant writing if someone happens to wanna judge it they can. 🙂

Time flies by like a plane and we don't realise its worth when we have it and when we don't , we realise then that life is not just about things that we see or look upon but about things that we endure , manage , submit and rely on . Similarly , I could not care less about how things were gonna go for me if I kept being too proud but in the end , it happened, things took a turn to probably teach me a lesson on life and how we as humans are supposed to behave to others . One must never let their pride make them too condescending because being proud is not bad in any way but being too proud has consequences to it like people might start to perceive you as an arrogant person and would not wanna talk to you as they used to. Therefore to keep your relations with people you must oblige with their options and not try to degrade them .
None of us is superior to anyone , we all are the same by race , rights and intelligence. No prejudice must take place in our head regarding ourselves or the others . We must not let these negativities lock us in a chamber of disgraceful thinking . We must collide ourselves with thoughts of fulfillment towards others and helpfulness. To reach the path we are destined to , we must seek others help as well because one cannot climb the stairs to success if there aren't any stairs in the first place and these people that we meet in our life act as the stairs to success , each person has a role in your life and is important for you therefore disrespecting them is like stopping the stairs that will take you to success from ever forming . This interpretation is a clear description of how we leave a significant impact on our life and destiny by not prioritising to be polite to others that are present in our life as part of it .

[queen wedge]

I also feel like you're trying to have a transition in the story but at that “time” part it feels very abrupt, but then again, if you're trying to have that effect bc your writing is very acerbic and punctual.

“Shakingly” should preferably be “shakily.”

[golden mesa]

Are you saying that about me ?

Queen ?

[queen wedge]

Oh no, sorry, the previous text. :)

[queen wedge]

Srry, may I also read yours?

[golden mesa]

Okay , 👌 fine . I know mine's even worse

[golden mesa]

Yes , but you may if you wish and may not if you don't .

[queen wedge]

I am actually curious, what's your intended message with this? It is a rlly nice story.

[queen wedge]

Ty!

[golden mesa]

I think , the message is really deep and sorrowful. But I liked the writing of his/hers.

[golden mesa]

I wanna know if you wrote it all in one sitting , because the writing seems really well and as if it took you like hours to think of what you shall further write .

[golden mesa]

You were typing something if my eyes saw right .

Weren't you ?

I hate you for making me long so much for your reply .

Send what ever you are typing even if it's unfinished because now I am at the peak of curiosity.

Hit me up when your ever-lasting typing is done. Bye 🫂🫂

Just kidding i ain't going nowhere

[queen wedge]

“...we don't realise its worth when we have it, and when we don't, we realise then that life is not just about things that we can see or look upon, but about things...”

You have a list: “endure, manage, submit, and rely on.” Lists sound much better and immediate when you only list three things, so maybe change your list to three things?

“Similarly, I could not care less about how things were gonna go for me if I kept being too proud, but in the end, it happened: things took a turn to probably teach me a lesson on life, and how we as humans are supposed to behave to others. One must never let their pride make them too condescending because being proud is not bad in any way, but being too proud has consequences to it, like people might start to perceive you as an arrogant person and would not wanna talk to you like they use to.”

“Therefore, to keep your relations with people,”
I'd use “try not” instead of “not try.”

“None of us” works but I would use “no one.”

“No one is superior to anyone else; we are all the same by race, rights, and intelligence.”

“or others.”

What do you mean by “we must not let these negativities?” I can see your paragraph is on being nice, but you do not mention any “negativities.” Therefore, I would use “we must not let negativities...”

“others' help” or “others's help”

“...because one cannot climb the stairs to success if there aren't any stairs in the first place, and the people we meet in our life act as the stairs to success: each person has a role in your life and is important for you; therefore, disrespecting them is like stopping the stairs that will take you to success from ever forming.”

“by not prioritising politeness to others that are present in our lives.”

[queen wedge]

I'm so sorry. 😭

I didn't see your msgs!!

[queen wedge]

I agree! :)

[queen wedge]

Tysm for letting me read what you wrote. It actually made me rlly happy, and I agree completely with the message in your writing!

[queen wedge]

I tried my best to not make changes to your writing and only the grammar. Just as a reminder, a comma is attached to the word that comes before it, and only the word after it is spaced. Periods also follow the same rule.

[queen wedge]

Although, I made some changes to your writing if I really believed it wouldn't change the meaning of the writing and sounded better.

The only recommendation I have on the writing itself is that you should try to not make your sentences too long.

There are phrases or sentences you can write in a shorter way.

[golden mesa]

Aww , that's so sweet , I used to write more back then but left due to some circumstances . Nevertheless , I have been back to writing and this one was one of my first in like a year since I stopped . So i am looking forward to improving little by little everyday . Your message and response meant the world to me 💞 , love such people like you that give advice and encouragement.

[queen wedge]

For example,

One must never let their pride make them too condescending because being proud is not bad in any way but being too proud has consequences to it like people might start to perceive you as an arrogant person and would not wanna talk to you as they used to.

Could be:

One must never let their pride make them condescending. Being proud is not bad but being too proud has consequences: people might believe you're arrogant and they won't talk with you like they used to.

[glad charm]

Damnn Queeen you're doing the work of a hundred editors over here

[queen wedge]

You are a really good writer. You are writing on an actual meaningful topic, so thank you so much. :)

[golden mesa]

Even though I reckon , I can't be the judge of your writing , I'd love to read and learn from them in the future, so keep me abreast of it . :))))

[glad charm]

I love the word cadaver

[queen wedge]

🫶🏻 It's my pleasure. There are a lot of nice ppl here who help. I remember I needed help w/ proofreading and there were so many nice ppl who helped. Good luck with your writing. ;)

[queen wedge]

Thank you!

[queen wedge]

Oh my-

[golden mesa]

Thanks , good luck with yours as well 😃.

[glad charm]

Why are you oh-my-ing me 😭

[queen wedge]

Yes, ofc. I would love to share what I write! I am not that good of a writer. It's so much more fun enjoying other people's writing!

[glad charm]

I like to write but I suck at it :p

[queen wedge]

Cadaver. 😭 Beautiful word but the meaning, oh my!!

[glad charm]

I don't know actual techniques I just write

[glad charm]

true lmao

[queen wedge]

That's literally the technique.

Just write.

[golden mesa]

No , you probably don't , i don't like to read my things either because they seem bad to me . Maybe it's just that I am insecure.

[queen wedge]

Who cares abt all these fancy literary devices. Just write and pour your heart out!!

[queen wedge]

If you look back at what you've written in the past, you will definitely notice how much you have improved!!

[glad charm]

I mean, I use some run-ons :p

thas not good I hear

[queen wedge]

i look back at what ive written once in a while and most of the time i can find a lot of mistakes or ways to improve what i had written

[glad charm]

if you guys are willing, I'd like you to judge something I wrote week or so ago

[queen wedge]

judge is the wrong word girl 😭 "admire" is better

[glad charm]

wdym girl believe me it sucks 😭

but ye, do I send?

[queen wedge]

id love to read it personally

[glad charm]

Warning: bad writing ahead

Though not one of her progeny, my mother loved me dearly, and since I was young, upon me she has repeatedly impressed the importance of good manners and a gentle nature. In my time of need, she helped me selflessly, and nary a soul did she place before me. She cared for me. She set aside her duties and threw her passions into oblivion so she may support me with what little time she had. I watch the tiny children that roam our town's streets, how they beg for food and are beaten for thievery, and I know that there, with the beggars and the sufferers, but for the grace of God, in giving me such a wonderful mother as her, go I, so for her, I am eternally grateful. So I ask you, what sin could outweigh all her kindness so immensely, that you should subject her to such a death as burning at the stake? What sin could one commit to necessitate such brutality? Pray, do tell, for I can conceive nought that would have me justified in committing such an action. Tell me, ruthless cur, what right has he who has sinned plentifully to cast a fragile woman unto a flaming end?

[golden mesa]

Yeah , writing in a complicated sense is only good for books that are meant for people to learn vocabulary from but ironically emotionalising the writing is far more important and just feels interesting to read than the ones with complex writing where you can't even comprehend most words because they are too fancy .

[glad charm]

Im no writer, I jus do it when Im bored and have inspiration, but I'd like to be good at it

[queen wedge]

archaically beautiful!!

[queen wedge]

YESS ^^ THIS

[glad charm]

You think so? I really was going for an archaic vibe, so I'm glad that came across, but is it beautiful?

[golden mesa]

"Bad writing ahead"
And then he proceeds to write the most malevolent masterpiece ever seen by mankind .

[glad charm]

she*
but thank you 😭

I didn't think it was that good idk

[golden mesa]

Okay she*

[queen wedge]

https://i.gifer.com/FI0.gif

[glad charm]

Ive never seen writing described as 'malevolent ' lmao

[queen wedge]

yes!! it is!!

[glad charm]

Oh my, thank you 😅

[golden mesa]

Yeah , i expected it to be extra-ordinary and out of the world when you said . I suck at it yet i like to write . It's something the toppers say . They be like "ohh I did not study anything, I am gonna fail" only to end up scoring a 98/100 and yet they be crying and say , I lost 2 marks 😭😭😭😭

[glad charm]

😭 omg

[golden mesa]

I bet you're that girl who cries for a single mark .

Don't worry, I was that kind of person too but only when it came to maths.

[glad charm]

I certainly am not. I'm satisfied with anything above failure

[golden mesa]

Ohh 😮 .

[glad charm]

Idk, ig I have higher standards when it comes to things I do for fun than school-related matters

[golden mesa]

The name of the song you're listening to right now is gonna keep me awake for the night 🌉.

[glad charm]

I'm sorry 😭

It's not a weird song I promise

[golden mesa]

Did you choose it ? Or did it come up randomly ?

[glad charm]

I chose the song lol

I like the song

It has no lyrics though. It's not dirty

I always forget spotify shows on my Discord profile until I'm listening to something with an absurd title and someone comments on it

[golden mesa]

Hmm , so i get it .

[glad charm]

I feel so judged lmao

[golden mesa]

Literally, the worst thing . And for some reason, I happen to check others profiles right when they are listening to something with the most absurd name and I can't help but comment on it .

[glad charm]

I don't think advertising is allowed here?

[glad charm]

What terrible luck you have

[golden mesa]

No , I am not being judgemental, i thought for a moment that you're of those weird trans who have a really odd taste in music . Don't take me offensively.

[glad charm]

Taste in music and being trans aren't related afaik

[golden mesa]

I just have seen those gays that have a really specific lifestyle completely different from the ordinary people so .

[glad charm]

My taste in music is just anything I like the sound of. Often, what I like the sound of sounds abysmal to others' ears

I just said 'sound' three times

damn

[golden mesa]

Yeah , they are not but i thought you're that trans that listens to only "trans music " and nothing else . Maybe i was being judgemental , i dunno . I am a deplorable being

[glad charm]

I see

[golden mesa]

Yeah , and made sense too. Sort of .

[glad charm]

It did make sense, and it is grammatical. It's just stilted

[golden mesa]

What is stilted ?

[glad charm]

My sentence?

[golden mesa]

Don't bother defining . I searched it up

[glad charm]

Aren't you a native

[golden mesa]

No I asked for the meaning but i already got it from Google

[golden mesa]

Yeah , but I never heard that or maybe just didn't bother to know its meaning before . Poor me 😞

Okay bye

Girl

[golden mesa]

Wait I just listened to the song you were listening to, and I think it's really psychotic and wonder how you even like it when all that it has in the name of music is scratchy beats and loud screeches . I don't quite feel affection towards that song .

[glad charm]

I-

If you don't like the song just don't listen to it

As I said, the stuff I like often sounds abysmal to others' ears

[golden mesa]

Okay , that now makes sense

[glad charm]

what would a 'psychotic' song even be lol

Also, you're 100% not a native. I think you should change your role to whatever one is your level

[golden mesa]

I don't know something that has like weird vintage tv noises.

[golden mesa]

Bruh , I swear to god, I am . And if you don't believe, i can't like come Outta your screen and tell you in person. Besides, why would anyone even wanna be a native - wannabe .

[bleak saddle]

How about this?
One must never let their pride make them condescending. Being proud is not bad, however being too proud has consequences: people may believe you're arrogant and they won't speak with you as they used to.

[queen wedge]

Oh yes, that is another version that works!

[short hazel]

the colon should be a semi colon

[heady nova]

Thank you.

[heady nova]

Thank you for the compliment. Also thank you reading and pointing out the errors in the writing.

[heady nova]

I wrote it gradually, taking breaks and adding to it whenever I had free time or an idea came to mind.

[heady nova]

Your writing is very good and is quiet old style(in a good way) . It almost fried my brain seeing how complex it was. I wish someone could teach me how to write like you did

[glad charm]

Idk I think the colon is fine (not sure), but the comma before 'however' should be a semicolon, and there should be a comma after the 'however', @bleak saddle

[short hazel]

Semi colons are used for two related sentences that are being merged

Colons are used for lists

[glad charm]

Ohh thanks you 💜

[glad charm]

Colons are used to introduce things

Lists are a thing they can introduce

But they can also introduce things that expand on the mentioned idea

[short hazel]

It far better fits a semi colon seeing as they are two related sentences being merged

Colons are used when they are directly linked

Semi colons are used when they are independent yet related

The second clause does not rely on the first there and so it should be a semi colon

[glad charm]

The second sentence expands on the first. You use a semicolon when the two sentences are about equal in importance, and that is not the case here

[glad charm]

By the way, I think it's more natural to turn that 'and won't speak' to 'and not speak'

But that's just a suggestion

[short hazel]

I’ll admit I read it wrong and didn’t see the bit about consequences so I thought the second clause was the first one that mentioned consequences

[short hazel]

This wouldn’t flow

Or make much sense

The best flow would be “people may believe you’re arrogant and won’t speak to you like they used to”

“people may believe you’re arrogant and not speak to you” does not work

[hollow berry]

people may believe you're arrogant and refuse to speak to you

[glad charm]

Remove the arrogant bit

People may not speak with you as they used to
This sounds fine, no?

So if we add the arrogant bit back in, nothing should change

People may believe you're arrogant and not speak with you as they used to.

We're saying that people 1. may believe and 2. may not speak

But I agree that it should be 'speak to' not 'speak with'

[hollow berry]

unrelated: should not it have been

Being proud is not bad; however,
?

[glad charm]

I did already mention that

Yes it should have been

[hollow berry]

h u h
oki 👍

[glad charm]

Btw, small correction 'should it not have been' is the correct way to ask this

[hollow berry]

eh, I believe the "not" is flexible enough

[glad charm]

It's correct to say

Shouldn't it have been?
But it's not correct to say
Should not it have been?

The negation has to come after the subject

You see this with other modal verbs

[short hazel]

“and not” works for contrast rather than continuation

[glad charm]

did you not?
Becomes
didn't you?

And so on

[short hazel]

It works GRAMMATICALLY. But to read, it flows worse

[queen wedge]

It was my pleasure. Thank you for letting me edit it!

[glad charm]

It's odd to me to go from the 'there is a chance that they believe' ('may believe') to the much more certain 'they will not speak to you' when the latter is the result of the former

[short hazel]

If it is a result of the former, then the won’t only applies if the may is satisfied

It’s a certainty once the uncertainty is fulfilled to be true

Like a logic gate

Let’s say the first gate is faulty, you don’t know if it will turn on. But the second gate is in pristine condition. You just don’t know if the first one will turn on, but if it does, the second one WILL turn on successively

[glad charm]

I think I see what you're saying, and I think it works with a stronger emphasis on it being a result

They may believe you're arrogant and, as a result, will not speak to you as they used to

But as it is, 'and' on its own doesn't show much of a succession, imo. It feels like they're saying there are two simultaneous results that are possible if you are too confident: 1. People will definitely not speak to you as they used to, and 2. People may think you're arrogant.

The 'may' should either apply to both

People may believe you're arrogant and not speak to you as they used to
Meaning that both things may or may not happen together. It's not certain, but if the 'gate' does work, then both things happen

Or there should be two mays to make it evident that both things are possible, not certain

People may believe you're arrogant and may not speak to you as they used to

I like the former more.

Alternatively, we could make the fact that a change in how they speak to you is the certain result if people do think you're arrogant more evident, as I suggested above, by adding 'as a result' after 'and'

If I were to use your logic gate analogy

If you're too confident, people may think you're arrogant and will not speak to you as they used to
=
If 'you are too confident' is true, the gate outputs 1. It sends it to two other gates, one is faulty (may believe), one is not (will not speak).

If you are too confident, people may believe you're arrogant and not speak to you as they used to.
If 'you are too confident' is true, the gate returns a 1. The result is passed over to a gate that is faulty, if this gate returns 1, then 'people believe you're arrogant and don't talk to you as they used to'

Then we have

If you are too confident, people may believe you're arrogant and, as a result, will not talk to you as they used to.
This would be what you described. If 'are too confident' is true, a 1 is passed to a faulty gate, if that one returns one, people believe you're arrogant and the one is passed over to a second functional gate so it will return a one, meaning that 'people will not speak to you as they used to'

I kind of used 'think' and 'believe' interchangeably here without realising, and same thing with 'speak' and 'talk', so I'm sorry for that

Anyway this has dragged on for too long for a mere difference in opinion, lmao

[heady nova]

This is another story I wrote. If anyone has any suggestions, I’m all ears and would love to hear them. No, he wasn’t poor. Far from it. He owned a mansion that had just had a huge pool installed whenever a grand party was to be thrown. You know, the kind of guy who had enough money to burn just to warm the place. Yeah, he was that kind of guy. As he took out his cigarette and blew a few puffs, he realized it was the last one in the stub.

“Lovely miss, may I trouble you? I was just passing by and noticed the beautiful trinket in your shop,” he said, tipping his hat. “The weather sure is unpredictable.”

Flustered by his sudden compliment, she stammered, “S-sure do, sire. The weather is indeed unpredictable in this town. How may I be of service to you?”

She noticed that the handsome man was indeed one of the noble. She would’ve jumped at the chance to marry the very man before her eyes. She hurriedly turned her attention back to the display, searching for the precious stone she thought he liked. “This precious stone was made in Italy and is very elegant,” she said. “It was worn by the queen herself at her wedding. There’s no other beauty like this.”

“The refined eyes of our good sire might discern the perfection in this humble trinket,” she added.

He raised an eyebrow, admiring the stone. “Hmmm,” he grinned. “Our lovely miss certainly knows her ways with words to entice customers.”

He straightened his sleeves with an air of nonchalance. “So it shall be then? Pack this beauty, and I shall see my way.” He took out a cheque and, with elegant writing, signed it—a cheque for $10,000.

She gasped in awe at the sheer amount of money he was writing on the cheque but held her thrill within.

He quickly strutted away from the shop, a smirk curling at his lips. Beneath his breath, he snickered, “How easy it is to deceive the naivety of people— a well-placed compliment, a subtle sleight of hand, and lo and behold, fortune is mine.”

On sunny days, he would wipe the sweat from his brow after hours of toiling in the fields. His mother would bring him scrumptious snacks, along with a glass of orange juice to quench his thirst.
He took a deep breath as the noise of the station grew louder around him. A quick glance at his watch, and he recalled it was time for the train to arrive at the station. Today’s steal was a good one; he tucked the prize securely into his coat pocket and walked toward his next destination.An old lady was struggling to get on the bus, while the bustle of the train station buzzed around them as usual. He paused and asked, “Pardon me, ma’am, may I offer you some help?” The old lady, taken aback, forced out her words, “Thank you very much, sire. Gentlemen like you are hard to find these days.” He was quick to help her pick up her heavy baggage and assist the old lady onto the train. "How unwomanly of me," she chuckled, "How could I not introduce myself?”She said with a warm smile, 'I must say, I’m quite the matchmaker in this town. It simply won’t do for a gentleman of your caliber to remain a bachelor. If I’m not being too forward, may I inquire if you're married? If not, I know several ladies in this town who would be more than willing to throw themselves at your feet— I dare say, with a hefty dowry, of course.”

[queen wedge]

Hi,

Where you've used “miss,” I am pretty sure it needs to be capitalised.
“one of the nobles.”

You use the dollar sign, but your story seems like it definitely wouldn't happen where the dollar is used. Your story feels like it takes place in Europe, so maybe change the dollar sign to a European currency. Also, when you're using the em dash in some places you only single space it and in other places you don't space it all all. You should stick to having it spaced on both sides or not spaced on either side.

Space before “an old lady.” Your sentences at the bottom (I bet it's just Discord formatting it like that) should be new paragraphs each time someone else speaks.

If you're trying to have that European feel, then you should change “caliber” to “calibre.” Being extremely picky so you ofc don't have to.

It is a well-written story. However, I do not really see how it all fits together.

It goes from a description of a rich man to suddenly a scenario in some shop, and then we're made to be suspicious of the description from the beginning. Then it moves to a description of him toiling in the fields and then some train scenario. I don't really see how it all fits together or what the meaning of the story is.

[queen wedge]

Also, stay consistent with punctuation. You use single quotations in a few places for dialogue but it should've been double: “She said with a warm smile, 'I must say, I’m quite the matchmaker in this town...” Some of your quotations are also the ugly " ones and some of them are the prettier ”. You should just use one type.

[heady nova]

I want the narrative to be deceptive and initially portray him as a wealthy , sophisticated individual, creating an air of success and affluence. However, as the story unfolds, it should slowly reveal that he is actually dirt poor and a swindler—a master manipulator who uses his charm and wit to deceive others. His monologue should touch on a moral dilemma, interwoven with flashes of his past, showing how he became this way. The story should include abrupt transitions between past and present, creating a gripping effect that gradually unravels his true nature. I don't know if I did achieve that, but could you please let me know how I might be able to do that?

[glad charm]

Hey, I was wondering why 'one of the noblel' wouldn't work? Aren't they just using 'the nobel' to mean the class/group of those characterised by being 'nobel' and saying he's one of them?

[heady nova]

something like a stream of consciousness. i meant in this case.

[heady nova]

I like this but it is AI. i don't know if i should take idea from this to make the transition smoother , but i really like it. should i be even doing that: As he stepped out of the shop, the crisp sound of his boots hitting the pavement was drowned by the hum of the street. The polished stone in his pocket weighed lightly against his chest—a trophy. A smirk teased the corners of his lips. Too easy, he thought.

But then—there it was, that smell. Sun-warmed earth, sweet and damp, lingering like a ghost in the cool breeze. It hit him before he could stop it. His steps faltered for just a second. Strange, he mused, adjusting his collar, to remember that now of all times.

The fields stretched out before his mind’s eye—dusty, endless. Sweat stung his brow, his calloused hands gripping the rusted handle of the plow. His mother’s laughter—light and breathless—echoed faintly, blending with the murmur of the crowd around him.

"Drink this, son. You’ve earned it."

Orange juice, cold and tangy, sliding down his throat. The scrape of the stool against the uneven floor. He could almost taste it now, but the tang left behind was bitterness.

What a fool I was, he thought. Breaking my back for a life that promised nothing but dirt.

He blinked, his gaze snapping back to the train station in front of him. The crowd swirled like ants, the chatter loud and distant. His fingers brushed the lapel of his coat, grounding himself. The trinket was still there. No time for such sentimentality.

He inhaled sharply, his smirk returning as he scanned the platform. Dreams aren’t built on sweat—they’re built on wit. On the naivety of fools who cling to honesty like a badge.

Anyone? Do let me know when any of you guys read this. I know I’m asking more than I should cuz it’s your time, and you’re doing this proofreading for free. So, I really appreciate it, regardless. I’d be more than happy to know what you think. Have a good day/night!

[queen wedge]

noble doesnt work there

there needs to be an s

[glad charm]

Yeah I was asking why

[queen wedge]

if you wanted it noble it'd have to be like

[queen wedge]

good question to ask in #📚｜english-questions im not sure

i just know its wrong

maybe bc its referring to a group or something

[queen wedge]

oh i see

[glad charm]

Im thinking abt it like this:

the affluent = the affluent people
the rich = the rich people
the scared = the scared people
the noble = the noble people

it's like refering to groups

so

I am one of the affluent
I am one of the scared
and
I am one of the noble

[queen wedge]

erm

ur speaking greek to me

all i know is that its wrong

[queen wedge]

thats a good way of thinking abt it actually

[queen wedge]

you are very good at descriptive writing and i want to emphasise that again but I find that what ur trying to do, which is a really good plot idea, could be changed (im sure you can come up with a creative way) so that it fits better

[glad charm]

So by that logic, it would be correct to say 'She noticed that the handsome man was indeed one of the noble'
I mean, it sounds better to me to say 'nobles', but it doesn't sound wrong to say 'noble'? Maybe I'm mistaken, maybe it's smtyh about the adjective 'noble' that just bans it from being used this way. I'm not sure

[queen wedge]

it is still a very confusing switch between that narrative introduction and then that transition in that shop and then another narrative dialogue & then it switching to a bus

[queen wedge]

it sounds so wrong to say noble

[glad charm]

ye I liked the writing but I feel it could use some better transitions, agreed

[queen wedge]

and bc of that your story kind of becomes illogical

[queen wedge]

& more confusing, at least i find, bc of all those switches. if he is "rich" & all that, then the narrator must be lying? do we trust the narrator? but then the narrator talk sabt something else later on about him toiling in the fields. i dont think it transitions very well & it feels like there are plot holes.

Unless you're trying to have that effect of having a false narrator (which is actually a really smart idea if you were. it reminds me of agatha christie!!)

[glad charm]

How do you feel abt these:

The noble live a life of no monetary discomfort.
and
The poor think of the noble as arrogant and unkind.

[queen wedge]

Personally, if you're going to use narration, i would make it reliable. it is much more better than to have an illogical narration. OR if you do want to have yk an unreliable narrator then you should change the other parts so it matches the story or u could make like the guy unreliable?? or add some juxaposing element in the story to emphasise that

[queen wedge]

those sound fine to me

[glad charm]

does

He is one of the poor
sound bad?

[queen wedge]

that sounds fine to me

[glad charm]

weird

thanks for putting up with the questions

I'll just not use 'one of the noble'

[queen wedge]

if you are want a proper explanation u should probably ask in #📚｜english-questions

[glad charm]

ye I'll do that

maybe there's a reason

[queen wedge]

but i mean think abt it

"he was one of the scientist"

"he was one of the doctor"

"he was one of the engineer"

none of those make sense

they all need to be plural

& one of implies plurality maybe and you cant have a single noun or whatever its called

like scientist or noble or engineer or maybe its just a special case idk

[queen wedge]

Im having a hard time putting it into words but i just find the narration at the start rlly confusing

i get that it helps to support the later fact that he's actually a crook but then im questioning the reliability of the narrator and again im not sure if that's an intended effect or an unintended consequence

You should also add a conclusion to the story. it is very abrupt

[queen wedge]

i find that there needs to be a transition before:

On sunny days, he would wipe the sweat from his brow after hours of toiling in the fields. His mother would bring him scrumptious snacks, along with a glass of orange juice to quench his thirst.

it seems like it was kind of randomly placed in your story. maybe having a transition before it?

ur story is actually rlly interesting. im going to think abt like what i would do if i were writing it and hopefully my suggestions r of at leaast some help

[queen wedge]

is this part of ur previous story?

it looks good the only change thats needed is

What a fool I was, he thought, breaking my back for a life that promised nothing but dirt.

and wow u use a lot of em dashes. you have rlly mastered it

[queen wedge]

I think there are definitely parts in this u can incorporate in ur previous story & maybe u can amalgamate some of this w/ it but i dont think that it rlly does a good job of capturing what's happening in the previous story

it is descriptive yet vague for the reason that it lacks context w/ the previous text

[queen wedge]

ill think and get back to you ;)

i fear i have hw

[glad charm]

I think you're more inclined to read 'noble' as a noun instead of an adjective. 'Noble' can be either a noun or an adjective, that's why you can say 'Nobles are' and 'The noble are' (this isn't the case with 'engineer', it's only a noun [or verb, but that's not relevant], which makes your comparison a bit inaccurate). You're expecting either a plural noun preceded by 'the' or an adjective preceded by 'the' after 'one of', so you're surprised to find what you interpret as a singular noun preceded by 'the'; in reality, it's an adjective in its 'refering to all people who are [x]' usage, but your inclination to read it as a noun makes the sentence feel wrong.

I guess we can try to test if this is true by asking you how you feel about a sentence using the word 'prescriptivist', since it can be either a noun ['You are a prescriptivist'] or an adjective ['a prescriptivist viewpoint'], just like 'noble'.

I am one of the prescriptivist
Do you feel that 'prescriptivist' sounds bad?

[queen wedge]

Oh oops

That is a good explanation

[queen wedge]

i am definitely more of a like

i think im a half prescriptivist

ig i can see it being a substantivised adjective

but from a proofreading context i think it would be a very poor choice to use that

most ppl would find it weird

in this case id definitely go with convention and clarity

like in the images they all make sense to me

[glad charm]

Oh, I was using 'prescriptivist' as an example, not tryign accuse you of anything I promise 😅 It's just the only word I could think of that's both an adjective and a noun that refers to people who can be described by the adjective

[queen wedge]

they are common in english but i dont think many ppl would say "he was one of the noble"

[glad charm]

I really tried to think of other words

[queen wedge]

you raise a good point though

you are right abt it being substantivised in that

but it is a very poor authorial choice

[queen wedge]

that just means standing in place of the noun

the adjective

[glad charm]

yea I agree it sounds weird a bit

I guess it's grammatical but it's really awkward

[queen wedge]

im happy we were able to clarify the situation! yay!

[glad charm]

Odd taht I could understand how they intended to use it, maybe Im too focused on the grammar lmao

[queen wedge]

i love discussing english but i think its better not ot have a superfluous discussion on english here

[glad charm]

By the way, I didn't know the word 'substantivised', pretty useful

I don't have to say 'adjective actting as a noun' anymore lmao

[queen wedge]

yesssss

[glad charm]

yeye sorry

I will leave you to your proofreading

[queen wedge]

ur english is good so i think its better to ask that in english questions next time

[vagrant basin]

Hello

[glad charm]

I hereby consign thee unto #💭｜general

[vagrant basin]

Why?

[heady nova]

Hi, guys. I'm an English Books Proofreader 😊. My work includes Novels, Child stories, and affirmations. I'm new here. Nice to be here 😊

[heady nova]

So here’s the thing: I showed a part of a memory where he toiled in the field, but I want readers to doubt whether that memory is actually true or not. I want them to discern for themselves which parts of the memory are true and which are false. As the story progresses, I will also address other events in a similar manner, leaving things intentionally vague and allowing readers to piece it together and decide for themselves what is real and what is not.

[heady nova]

But I do need guidance on how to create a subtle yet smooth transition between his recollections of the past and his present. @queen wedge

[bronze cargo]

Hello. Can someone critique my review of a short story? It’s not a homework or anything

The Traveling Musicians

The short story was a good read. It taught me words like “slyly” and “brayed.” It tells a story about four animals who were deemed worthless and unnecessarily kept alive by their human owners. I think it implies that you should find and stay at a better place that you are comfortable at. It may have also implied that you should be with people that naturally help you in life.

Should I have used “…who are deemed worthless…”?

[limpid bough]

Yes, I think it should be " who are deemed" because you should be consistent with the tense you use in a single sentence. for example, you started the sentence with present tense ( It tells) so the rest of the sentence should also be in present tense.

[bronze cargo]

Haha yeah. It’s a bad habit of mine

Thank you very much 🙂

[glad charm]

What do you all think? Any corrections?

I have known Timothy for the entirety of my life, and one thing I can for sure say about him is that he is a coward. So, that day, upon my seeing the poster requesting a gunman to aid in the hunting of deer, though I know him to truly be a virtuoso of the guns, I would not have possibly considered him as the optimal choice, no less thought him likely to agree to such a thing. Detective, he is such a pathetically frighted man that I cannot even conceive of him hunting in the wood and dealing with the gore of the animals. From my many experiences with him, he is so gentle that he would hesitate to shoot a rabid dog for his life; a poor deer would surely be far beyond him! Thus, that day, as I conversed with him, it hadn't so much as crossed my mind to speak to him of the poster, despite the subject matter having been that he was struggling to find a gig to take on for some much-needed cash. We had been walking the streets the while, and I assume he was reading the posters by which we passed, for he paused suddenly and focused on one. To my surprise, it was none other than the one I'd seen not long prior. He then told me that he'd be taking on this job, at which you can imagine what became of my demeanour! I became quite puzzled and slightly disbelieving, for, as I've said, he is a coward. Knowing him, I thought he should find it a dismal task and that it would weigh heavy upon his mental state, which I knew to be fragile, so I, as one would, urged him insistently not to play the man and to take on another, but he had made his mind upon the matter and would not budge. He left for the wood a few days later, and that is the last I saw of him since. Detective, I have no hand in his going missing, and I must emphasise that I desperately urged him against taking up the job. I believe I've provided a sufficient account of the events prior to his disappearance, so I shall be going now, if I may.

[glad charm]

I don't think the placement impacts how grammaticl it is?

I, with my car, can go to the bar
I can go to the bar with my car
I can, with my car, go to the bar

they work

idk why 'for sure' would be different

anything else that's wrong or bad, though?

[hardy briar]

You can do those, but you shouldn't. The most technically correct one there is the second. You would use 'for sure' in the same place you use definitely, absolutely, etc. so having it the way they suggested is best, even if technically the others can be done without losing meaning. It's just a clunky way to write and doesn't flow easily for the listener/reader to break it up like the other 2 example sentences.

[glad charm]

One thing I can say about him absolutely
sounds weird lol

but yea I wasn't going for standard order anyways, Im trying to make it sound like this is a character speaking

[hardy briar]

Oh wait, i believe i read the persons reply kind of backwards, like they were telling you to not put it at the end, but they are telling you to. Nevermibd nevermind

I can say about him, for sure
And
I can for sure say about him are good but something like
I can say for sure about him is not really. Just to be clear. Just make sure the 'say about him' is together, pretty much

[glad charm]

oh got itt

thank you

That one does sound weird to me, yea

wonder why

[glad charm]

Anyone could proofread?

[crude orbit]

no less the thought of him likely to agree to such a thing

in the woods

gore is more of am adjective so id use like bloodbath or something like that, gore is more like the result of the bloodbath - oh thats gory

when it says’ despite the subject matter’ theres an incomplete clause here, despite what?

one thing i can say for sure aswell

ill fully check later im on phone atm

[glad charm]

Can't no less seperate two verb phrases?

I didn't consider it, no less thought about it being likely.

that'swhat I'm doing there ^ just longer sentences

Ig replace it with 'nevermind' or 'not even'

is this not correct?

[crude orbit]

yeah thats fine

[glad charm]

that's what I did there

[glad charm]

[x] didn't cross my mind, despite the subject matter having been that he was struggling to find a gig to take on for some much-needed cash

I just put it after instead of before

teh subject matter was, well, that he was trying to find a job

and despite that

I didn't think to tell him about the poster

[glad charm]

I don't really understand how my two other sentences were mistakes, but I am curious about the gore thing. What I was trying to convey is that he couldn't deal with the blood and the gory scene left behind by the animals (after shooting them)

so I said 'the gore of the animals'

what would be a better way to phrase it, cuz it's not quite a bloodbath

it's just the blood ig, or the unsightly scene of a shot animal that I'm talking about

[crude orbit]

maybe use some imagery here

like go into a bit more detail to avoid just simply saying the gore

it could help the reader visualise better

its usually used as a noun

[glad charm]

what is?

'gore'?

[crude orbit]

gore

the scene was full of gore

for example

[glad charm]

well in 'the gore of the animals' it is a noun

but I suppose some more visualisation would work better

well, thank you. I'll see what I can manage with that

I'll ask about the two senences you also pointed out in the questions channel

cuz that's more question than proofreading

[queen wedge]

That is a very powerful idea

That'll definitely work. i hope you're able to finish the story!

if you finish and you care to share, i would love to read it!!

[queen wedge]

as for the transitions. I think having a more definitive narrator and differentiating dialogue & whats actually happening and his recollections.

For example,

But then—there it was, that smell. Sun-warmed earth, sweet and damp, lingering like a ghost in the cool breeze. It hit him before he could stop it. His steps faltered for just a second. Strange, he mused, adjusting his collar, to remember that now of all times.

The fields stretched out before his mind’s eye—dusty, endless. Sweat stung his brow, his calloused hands gripping the rusted handle of the plow. His mother’s laughter—light and breathless—echoed faintly, blending with the murmur of the crowd around him.

"Drink this, son. You’ve earned it."

Orange juice, cold and tangy, sliding down his throat. The scrape of the stool against the uneven floor. He could almost taste it now, but the tang left behind was bitterness.

i am guessing that this is supposed to be a recollection in the past of when he was toiling in the fields?

[queen wedge]

your distinct narration & use of dialogue makes it seem like it's actually happening rather than a recollection

i can see how its a recollection but the dialogue of the mom & then him "drinking" the orange juice makes it more difficult to tell

[queen wedge]

as for this, rather than using direct dialogue, i would directly emphasise that it's a memory with phrases like "He could hear," "The phantom voice of his mom," "Phantomly, she spoke"

if you want to keep the recollection more subtle then in this part:

He blinked, his gaze snapping back to the train station in front of him.

maybe you should make it more obvious that he's out of his trance?

Actually, now that i reread it, it's really good. its just like you said, that transition between his recollections and what's actually happening is difficult to discern

OH i didnt notice this last time: . Dreams aren’t built on sweat—they’re built on wit. On the naivety of fools who cling to honesty like a badge.

Dreams aren't built on sweat — they're built on wit**:** on the naivety of fools who cling to honesty like a badge.

[queen wedge]

If you're purely just looking for corrections, there are not a lot. I could only find one.

“Frighted” should be “frightened.”

If you're looking for feedback that is not just grammar, I would love to. You have a distinct and archaic style of writing that a lot people would appreciate.

[glad charm]

'to fright' is an archic verb

arcaich

i cant spell

lemme look up ho to spell it

[queen wedge]

Oh, I see!!

[glad charm]

it's just a verb that's not used anymore but it was in the past

[queen wedge]

Oh, that makes sense then! Thank you.

[glad charm]

sorry, spelling is my weakest point lol

if you have any other comments I would love to hear them ofc

... though I know him to truly be a virtuoso of the guns, I would not have possibly considered him as the optimal choice, no less thought him likely to agree to such a thing.

Btw, someone expressed that they thing my use of 'no less' there is incorrect? Do you agree with this?

[queen wedge]

Okay. Your authorial choices are strong and I don't want my comments to impact it poorly.

[queen wedge]

It doesn't look wrong to me, but it feels awkward.

[glad charm]

I have no idea what Im doing girl I just write and see what comes out
my 'authorial choices' are more 'authorial "this sounds cool let me do that yeah"'

[queen wedge]

Oh, that is an authorial choice!

Diction is strong. Diction is subtle. Diction is superb!

[glad charm]

I see thank you :>

[queen wedge]

It's powerful, purposeful, and plentiful. I think it's the most important thing to consider when proofreading.

[glad charm]

Isn't diction the manner of your speech/text? Liek general style? You seem to be using it differently?

[queen wedge]

I respect it more than anything else because everyone has a reason for writing x over y, but anyways, about that phrase from before, it doesn't look wrong to me!

[queen wedge]

It's another way of saying authorial choice.

It's basically the specific choice of using words, phrases, etc.

[queen wedge]

There's another word for that, idiolect!

[glad charm]

Oh, I have not heard of this meaning of the word, I've always understood it as 'style of writing/speaking', kind of like 'parlance' but less about a group and more individualistic

[glad charm]

Good to know of this second meaning

[queen wedge]

It's another one of those words that just gets thrown around. It's like "ironic."

People use "ironic" wrong all the time but no one really cares that people use it wrong, and it's gotten to the point where you just accept that "oh, so it is ironic!"

Diction is another one of those words. It's just another way of saying authorial choice, but people use it randomly & beat around the bush w/ it.

[queen wedge]

Yes! It's the meaning I like the most. It's what we're doing in my English class. :)

But most people understand it as style, and that is true, but it is definitely not a very broad word for describing linguistic style; however, you can fit that word to match style because it is closely associated with style.

[glad charm]

That's a nice way to look at things. I remember it majorly annoyed me when everytime I would send a thing I wrote that is purposefuly old-fashined, instead of getting suggstions or grammatical/punctuative corrections, I got people making fun of how the language used was old or saying 'no one speaks like that'. Like no shit, no one speaks like that 😭

[queen wedge]

I.e., an individual's diction often defines their style and idiolect.

[glad charm]

Oh I see, I haven't heard the word enough to pick up on that. Thanks for explaining

[queen wedge]

Yes! I love my English teacher for teaching us about it. It was irritatingly academic at first but in practice, it is great. ;)

[glad charm]

understood

[queen wedge]

When I read it the first time, it came across my mind so I guess I'll mention it. I would add an "and" before "no less thought him..."

It flows better. There are other parts where I feel like you could definitely word it differently and still keep that archaic style. Archaic writing is different, but it doesn't mean it has to be superfluous.

[glad charm]

Ive never had any formal education in writing or literature analysis, but these things do interest me a bit. It's cool to see people who study this stuff

[glad charm]

Ohh, I agreee that does sound betterr

damn how did I not think of that lmao

[glad charm]

ye that's a blury line I often unknowingly cross

[queen wedge]

For example, "no less thought him likely to agree to such a thing" flows better if it was "and much less thought him likely to agree to such a thing."

The first version is not wrong at all but I think you should consider the reader & flow as well when you write.

[queen wedge]

That's really cool though. I'm so happy that you're interested in it. You should definitely change you role from "advanced" to "fluent." Ur English is great & not a lot of people are really interested in things like that, when they should be.

Even I found it boring at first with all the academic yapping that was involved but when you put it into practice, it is incredible!

If you want to look into it it's called Formalist Literary Theory, or formalism.

There are other literary theories as well if you want to look into them, like critical theory.

it's a lot of academic yapping if you just google it and read it but when you put it into practice when you're analysing texts (like when you're proofreading!!) it is rlly helpful.

It makes you a better writer too because you like look into the "science" of words and writing.

Okay, maybe not words but definitely the science of writing and actually any literary media piece

So like documentaries, films, advertisements, etc.

The centre of it is just out of ALL the trillions of ways that an author, director, actor could've done something, they did it in THIS specific way. Why? & what are the consequences of doing it in that specific way?

See im not an english teacher so im no expert on this and so i may not be exact with what it is but it is amazing!

[queen wedge]

Why this is so important is that it builds meaning, and much deeper meaning.

You can just go on Google and search up the definition of fancy words; you can just go on YouTube to find a summary of a novel; you can just go on SparkNotes to figure out the literary devices in the Bible! That's all surface level meaning, and anyone can do that. however, to dig deeper and look at the why and the implications is incredibly different.

It's a deeper level of thinking because what you end up doing, very likely, no one else has done!

[glad charm]

That's the thing, I struggle with reading fun texts, so you can imagine I stand no chance against academic texts. I have this want to learn more about these things, but I also am not much of a reader 😅 I will say, it's unlikely I'll get around to reading about it any time soon (I'm not very disciplined) but hopefully I'll do it eventually. it's also good to have the name for it, 'Formalist Literary Theory'
As for the fluent role thing, I personally view that role as something very very lofty lmao, it's obvious I'm not a native from my accent, probably some of my phraseology, and certainly my spelling, so the way I see the fluent role, I don't match up, becuase they're like, the natives of the non-native speakers, so to say. I often doubt myself and check the meanings of words an expressions I use.

I think it's beautiful to read further into the decisions behind a text. We can always theorise as to why [x] and [y] were done, but I always have to think 'what if the author was like, "fuck it, this just sounds cool" and we're just overthinking this lmao?' I doubt I'm fit for reading further into things, I often take deeper texts at face value (yet I often overthink the things that don't matter and focus too much on small irrelevant details. I might have a trifle of the 'tism, lmao ). So yeah, likely would be reallyy bad at it. I'll see how it goes when (or if?) I try it

Thanks for proofreading my text and your suggestions and for this nice discussion that I've likely butchered

[queen wedge]

The struggle is all part of it! I am sure you will eventually find a book that you really like and end up having an epiphany! I understand ur reasoning for the role. You are very passionate and I hope you have fun with English and make what you will of it! We are all learners. 💅🏻

[heady nova]

Thank you for taking the time to read. I truly appreciate it. It may take a while to figure out where the story will go from here, but I'll let you know once I've finished the story. Also, thank you for your great suggestions.

[stable fractal]

"Failure is one very frowned upon concept in human endeavor, for it is often linked with weakness, lack of intellect and incompetence.
Though is that really factual?

Stay tuned, as this essay will elucidate the hereinbefore stated inquiry to provide one with insight and comprehension on the topic.

First and foremost, it is to be clarified, that failure is of an optimistic realm if understood correctly, though most people (will) struggle to accept this fact.

One is highly probable to ask: "In what way is failure of an optimistic realm? How can such a concept have any positive impact linked to it?"

Failure, as previously stated, is initially perceived as a setback, yet it serves as a powerful tool and foundation for personal growth, often forged through self-reflection.

Ultimately, we all fall victim to failure, as it is a ubiquitous sector of an individual's path in life, but this does not indicate we are to enslave ourselves to the societal-construct-charged idea of failure; weakness, intellectual frailness, incompetence, etc.

We as entities of cognate power must open our eyes and view failure as a tool, a tool that teaches us to stay humble, a tool that teaches us about both pragmatical and self worth, one that aids us in personal growth.
"

[short hazel]

In that triplet at the start is the lack of a connective intentional

[stable fractal]

wym

o

do you mean

i have to use AND

[short hazel]

Lists usually end with a connective yes

[stable fractal]

after "lack of intelelct"

intellect*

i fixed it

[short hazel]

Because it works

It just isn’t convention

[stable fractal]

does it work now

[short hazel]

It works either way, it’s just preferred to have it this way

[stable fractal]

ah okay

makes sense

and the resT?

[short hazel]

On the penultimate paragraph, I’d the semi colon with a colon

[stable fractal]

alright

[short hazel]

Leading into a list = colon

[stable fractal]

and semi colon?

[short hazel]

Semi colon is used to link 2 sentences that are similar but can be separate

[stable fractal]

ah ok

so they slightly overlap, but indicate other things

[short hazel]

Yeah

[stable fractal]

gotchu

like a venn diagram basically lol

[short hazel]

It can’t be to link 2 clauses where 1 won’t work on its own, that’s for a comma

For the last paragraph I’d do the same as the first and add a connective at the end

And other than that it’s very good

[stable fractal]

W

[queen wedge]

Yes, of course! Good luck. :)

[queen wedge]

Hi.

In your last paragraph, I would add a colon after “...must open our eyes and view failure as a tool.” Change “pragmatical” to “pragmatism.” You also need an “and” before “one that aids us in personal growth.”

For the format itself, I feel like this should be part of your previous paragraph:

Stay tuned, as this essay will elucidate the hereinbefore stated inquiry to provide one with insight and comprehension on the topic.

Your essay has a very formal tone. If you want to keep that tone, don't use phrases like “stay tuned.” Don't describe what's not necessary; you do not need to say “this essay” because the reader already understands that it's an essay.

“Though**,** is that factual?” You don't need “really.”

When you use “ultimately” in your second last paragraph it makes it seem like you're concluding, but you have another paragraph after it. That's why I would also join your last paragraph with your second last one.

I am also assuming this is an academic essay, and so it's especially important to have a smooth transition between paragraphs and your ideas. Just make sure you're using transition words, and if you can, transition sentences.

Here: “...though most people (will) struggle to accept this fact,” I'd replace the “(will)” with “may” or take it out entirely because it's not needed.

[glad charm]

The Governor dissected your essay down to the minutiae. Be honored

[olive path]

DaYuM, good to have The Governor do this herself.

[candid dust]

Hello everyone, I am writing an evaluation of my research project and I need to improve the flow of my writing. Can someone help?

[heady nova]

here's a something like a prayer . Please do tell me what you think of it. Do be aware that the grammars are corrected by AI but the theme,pacing,words and all are mine : Oh, I pray to Thee with earnest heart, you have known me since my inception. I call Thee with a heart full of longing, a longing that, if you would show Thy face , would bring an end to this.

I repent of my sins and strive to adorn myself with good deeds, like a timid maiden smoothing her garments before meeting her beloved.
Today, too, I heard a whisper, 'None shall redeem you from your state of utter destitution—to whom have you thus pledged? A God who remains silent.' But I know these whispers are foolish, born of ignorance in their own hearts. Still, I cling to the hem of Your garment, and beseech Thee spare me, that I may hang on to my faith.

I woke in the darkest of night, with a thirst so unquenchable—seldom do I fear the dark, yet the yearning to be in Thy presence keeps me awake . I wake up, but to my sorrowful disappointment, the day is yet to come and is still a long way off. My waiting stretches beyond my patience. Oh, how I feel like an impatient lunatic, a waiting lover gazing down the path for the return of her beloved. I beg Thee, when will that time arrive? I cannot endure this yearning; it is more painful than thirst. A thirst may be quenched once, but my yearning is long and insatiable.But Thou knowest I will wait for Thee like a faithful maiden, with oil and lamps. The Groom shall open the door to end my misery, I know. I’ve known this for a long time in my heart.

I knew Thy presence like the air that pervades the earth, yet remains unseen, surrounding me and blessing me ever so abundantly. I know Thy care extends to every thread of hair of mine. But, blinded by my own sins, I know the worth is not mine, for I lack the adequacy to see The Righteous' mysterious ways.

Oh, how I long and wish, the flesh of sins hadn’t done the things that burdens the heart of mine heavily. Now I’ve known I’ve sinned I seek repentance before the altar of Thine. I’ve sinned and have known my treachery that bears witness of my own hands doing. I know you’ve forsaken me for a while for my sins were so much so that Thy divine self had to descend to this mortal world to pay for the every ounce of sins I committed with price unimaginable. Oh, this treacherous betrothed of Thine accepts his sin.

[heady nova]

I just want to know if the artistic approach I took has been done rightly or not.

[fossil quest]

Honestly, I think your use of imagery and rhetorical devices are very well done. And that touch of medieval English fits in quite well. Good job.

[heady nova]

Your English is pretty good, I would say. If you're not a native speaker, you must be from another European country, I guess. If my school had taught me the way your school taught you, I would be so so grateful. Unfortunately, what I've learned to write artistically is all through my own hard work. What a disappointment. The English taught here is SO BASIC, like B1 or B2 at most. My English teacher was so lazy that for a whole year she didn’t write a thing on the whiteboard. The English teaching leaves me so unsatisfied, especially when I see other people writing so well, and it's all Greek to me.

[heady nova]

Thank you.

[glad charm]

I'm no professional. These are just my notes and things I thought to point out. It's a bit long. Sorry for that :p

This text of yours is lovely, I like it. I mustnote a few things, however.

Note: you seem to have trouble with spaces before punctuation. Do not put a space before commas, semicolons, colons, full stops, etc., but do put a space after them. This doesn't apply to quotation marks, though. Do put a space before and after an elipsis

I call Thee with a heart full of longing, a longing thatm if you would show Thy face***,*** would bring an end to my troubles.
^

1. no space before comma. Note above
2. when you say 'to this' it's ambiguous what you mean by 'this'. Feel free to replace 'my troubles' with anything else

Oh, I pray to Thee with earnest heart , as/, for/; ou have known me since my inception.
^

1. a comma on its own would not be correct.

I repent of my sins and strive to adorn myself with good deeds ...
^

1. I think it should either be 'I repent my sins' or 'I repent myself of my sins'. What y

Today, too, I heard a whisper***:*** 'None shall redeem you from your state of utter destitution—to whom have you thus pledged? A God who remains silent'.
^

1. A colon works here well
2. In British English, full stops go outside; in American English, they go inside. The use of single quotation marks indicates to me this is meant to be written in BrE. This means the full stop should be outside the quote.

Still, I cling to the hem of Your garment and beseech Thee to spare me, that I may hang on to my faith.
^

1. You don't need the comma before 'beseech'
2. You need a 'to'

I wake up, but to my sorrowful disappointment, the day is yet to come and is still a long way off.
^

1. 'and is still a long way off' is both redundant and quite informal. I suggest you remove it

I beg Thee, when will that time arrive?
^

1. 'beg' is for asking for something, not about something, as far as I know, at least.

. But Thou knowest I will wait for Thee like a faithful maiden with oil and lamps.
^

1. You had no space before the 'But', there should be one. Refer to the above note.
2. I'm not sure if that comma before 'with' is needed. My personal interpretation is that with it, you are waiting with old and lamps, like a maiden would wait, but without it, you are waiting like a maiden who has oil and lamps. I assume the second is what you mean, so I'd remove the comma. (note, I'm unsure)

I knew Thy presence like the air that pervades the earth yet remains unseen, surrounding me and blessing me ever so abundantly.
^

1. That comma before 'yet' was not needed

Thy care extends to every thread of hair of mine***,*** but, blinded by my own sins, I know the worth is not mine, for I lack the adequacy to see thy mysterious ways.
^

1. I'm not sure 'The Righteous' works there. I imagine it refers to an entire group when I read it. If you want to not just use 'thy', you could say 'the mysterious ways of Thee who art righteous' or something along those lines.
2. I think the full stop should be a comma

Oh, how I long and wish the flesh of sins hadn’t done the things that burden this heart of mine so heavily.
^

1. the 'so' is 100% up to you.
2. To me, it sounds very odd as 'the'. I don't think it's wrong but it sounds very off. Maybe a native can comment on this.
3. 'burdens' should be 'burden' since 'things' is plural

Now I’ve learnt/learned I’ve sinned, so I seek repentance before the altar of Thine.
^

1. I'm not sure you can use 'I've known' this way. You can use 'now that I know' or 'now that I've learnt'
2. the 'so' just better connects the two parts. If you add a 'that' get rid of the 'so', though

I’ve sinned and have learnt of my treachery that bears witness to my own hands**'*** doing.
^

1. dido for the 'known'
2. 'bear witness to' not 'bear witness of'
3. 'hands' should be possessive (unless the hands are doing something, then what they're doing is missing)

I know you’ve forsaken me for a while as my sins were so immense that Thy divine self had to descend to this mortal world to pay for every ounce of sin I committed with price unimaginable.
^

1. to forsake has a slightly negative tone to it. Thought I'd mention that, as I wouldn't say it in a message to God if I were religious. It's negative. That had to be noted.
   2.'for a while' is much more casual than the rest
2. the repetition of 'for' sounds off. 'as' could work

4.'so much so that' is used for adjectives and adverbs to emphasise the great extent to which they are present

My sins were wicked; so much so that God smote me.
^ here 'so much so' refer back to wicked 'so wicked that', basically. You don't have that in your sentence. I will replace it with 'so immense that', but choose what you'd like.

5. Drop the 'the'
6. 'sins' should be 'sin'

Oh, this treacherous betrothed of Thine accepts his sin.
^

1. I'm not sure if it's a mistake, and I cannot find anything about it, so I will mention it but know I do not know. You use the double genitive here 'of thine', and my concern is that I'm not sure if it was used back in the days of Early Modern English, or if it's a newer thing. It may or may not be out of place. I 100% do not have the knowledge to tell you for certain, so if you can find anything on the double genitive and Early Modern English (which I assume this text to be an imitation of), feel free to share. Of course, you can ignore this.

[brazen turret]

what is this for? is it for an occasion or like a literal prayer?

[heady nova]

Nope Something my mind whipped up at the moment.

[glad charm]

same lmao thas how I write

[brazen turret]

what denom?

[glad charm]

Thanks. Our teachers suck too. I just learnt by immersion

[heady nova]

???? What are you on about?are u from US btw?

[brazen turret]

no Canada I was asking if you were christian and what denomination if you were

[heady nova]

Ohhhh. Yes I'm a Christian. I read The Bible so I was able to write this.

[brazen turret]

ok which version?

[heady nova]

I think all versions are same. Are you a Christian?

[brazen turret]

yeah I am, and there are different translations as is my understanding

[heady nova]

But the meanings are same after all. What denomination?

[brazen turret]

I don't currently know yet. Parents didn't really teach me what their denomination was about so I'm still figuring out what mine is, but I came from Pentecost

but parents say we're Born Agains

I don't believe in individualism but I believe in truth hence I keep an open mind to all perspectives

My father is a pastor

and mom is from a pastoral line

grandma runs a church

Not really that religious as to know all the history

but i know a little bit

[heady nova]

Ohhh. But do you know what Galatians 4: 26 says? Do ask your father or you can look it up yourselves.

[brazen turret]

But the Jerusalem that is above is free, and she is our mother.

[heady nova]

You did read it. But can you guess why it was written that way?

[heady nova]

You did read it. But can you guess why it was written that way?

[glad charm]

Has this ^ helped you at all? Sorry if it hasn't, just trying to help @heady nova

[heady nova]

Sorry. It did help. I read through all of it. I'm grateful for your insight. And also would love to read your writings. Some of them are hard for me to understand.

[brazen turret]

what are they referring to as above?

are they referring to the land or the promise?

[glad charm]

alrighty alrighty, thanks. Glad to help :>

[brazen turret]

or ig foretelling of the freedom of Jerusalem

ohhh nvm i did a native translation lmao

I did not know which "above" they meant

[heady nova]

Nope. It directly says Mother from above which is heaven. And Jerusalem is being called mother here. She is not a building or a thing but a being herself. There's no other way we can understand it.

[brazen turret]

tbh God's actions are incomprehensible

even if we read all the texts or see all the miracles he can still surprise us

so I'm learning as i go

[heady nova]

Hmm. Would love to hear your recommendations on what to read? Cuz I'm kinda jealous of your English?

[stable fractal]

What is being yapped about here?

[stable fractal]

Someone summarize

[heady nova]

But God's word are meant to be accessible for us. So it is not entirely incomprehensible. We just have to read it.

[brazen turret]

perhaps not entirely, it is still good to cherish it

In my understanding, I need a proper man to teach me about god than scorn me for not trying when I have not been taught the basics

tbh in my learning i'm entirely on my own

while my parents might be from long lines of pastors it's as

[glad charm]

I'm still learning lol :p Can't really help much. A cool book is Robinson Crusoe if youre asking for a novel. But yeah, I can't recommend much else as I don't read a lot

[brazen turret]

***also from a long line of competition

[glad charm]

You don't need a summary. Either read what was said or ignore the chat lol

[heady nova]

I can give you some recommendations to look. If you allow me to DM you. But it's entirely upto you. And I don't think it's a proper place to discuss this. I will send you a friend request if you will.

[brazen turret]

sure! totally!

[heady nova]

Haha me too. Some confuse me with avid reader and ask recommendations but I have no knowledge of it at all. Also, thank you for the recommendation.

[brazen turret]

but yeah i was curious of your writing bc I had a different perspective of love for God compared to what u wrote

[heady nova]

?? I don't get you. Care to explain?

[stable fractal]

I recommend you read psychology/science related books

[brazen turret]

lmao I meant i'm less so on the yearning and more on the adoring

and with the perspective that God has always been there

[stable fractal]

I personally find them to be extremely informative while also stimulating your brain to function intellectually ....

(I havent read a single book LOL, but im planning to do dis in german)

[heady nova]

Would love to but any specific recommendations?

[heady nova]

Hmm it's both for me.

[brazen turret]

i understand the yearning from his presence, but I'm in the state of believing I'm already in his embrace wherever I am or will be

no matter where i go will be a place of his glory and power proven

this is why I enjoy camping lmao

[heady nova]

I would very much love both spiritual and physical presence. That's why yearning would be best word .

[stable fractal]

@heady nova

[heady nova]

? Hey, I guess you enjoy soap very much?

[brazen turret]

i see

[glad charm]

(space before full stop why )

[brazen turret]

lmao

[stable fractal]

@heady nova dee ems

[heady nova]

I'm a lazy typer. I just write and my keyboard just autocorrects it.

[glad charm]

makes sense ye

[heady nova]

???

[stable fractal]

Check dms bruh

[heady nova]

I think you are the same species as me. Am I right?

[short hazel]

freed from the curse of auto capitalization

[stable fractal]

dee = d
ems = ms

= dms

[stable fractal]

He is an anthropoid, yes

[glad charm]

Yes?

As far as I know

[short hazel]

where is the start of this

found it

[glad charm]

she* lol

[heady nova]

A lazy typer I meant.

[glad charm]

Oh, yes I often am

[queen wedge]

🫶🏻

[queen wedge]

OMG FINALLY SOMEONE IS ASKING ABOUT ACADEMIC TEXTS! :)

I would love to help !! here or dms?

[rotund panther]

Guys could you explain these lines are grammatically correct?

There's no one who is* healing me.
There's everybody's healing me.