📝｜proofreading

[little notch]

Hello! I'd be grateful if native speakers or eng teachers would check my academical work in terms of:

1. how good are word accuracy and grammar (if not, any alternatives?)
   is there followed my academical style or there are some informal words there? how to substitute them then?
2. how strong the arguments, thesis and summary are
3. any remarks, suggestions, advice
   a topic: Information technology enables many people to work outside their workplace (e. g. at home, when travelling, etc.).
   Do the benefits of this mobility outweigh the disadvantages?

my essay:
Information technology offers people a great opportunity to work remotely. Although there are some drawbacks to it, there are many more benefits of virtually working.

On the one hand, people are liable to encounter the lack of social interaction while they are working remotely. They cannot come to their colleagues and exchange crucial information or ask for several pieces of advice in real life; in the meanwhile, they are inundated with a number of requests in regard to their job at deep night while they are working remotely.
Apart from this, it is challenging for people to stay motivated working online. There are many distractions, that interfere with workers, such as outside noise, unstable internet connection, relentless phone notifications, screaming kids and ringing doorbells. Due to this, it is difficult to stay deeply focused and people easily procrastinate.

For example, an acquaintance of mine has been working due to the Covid-19 outbreak. In the beginning, there were some management challenges such as controlling subordinates, establishing managing software and to-do lists. After, he got accustomed to remote working. Nonetheless, for the time being, my acquaintance is feeling isolated and lacks social interaction. Furthermore, he frequently misses deadlines and struggles with procrastination. In addition, this worker sometimes feels he is missing important information about work which his colleagues received.

On the other hand, we cannot deny a virtual working has its merits and can facilitate effective work processes. There are many advantages of remote working.
First and foremost, it establishes a better work-life balance: a worker can unambiguously spend more with their families and make their lifestyle healthier. Besides, such people can have more balanced meals, cook nutritious food and carve out time for sports activities. As Coso Cloud’s survey demonstrates, “Over half (53%) report reduced stress, 51% spend more time with significant others, and 44% have a more positive attitude. Remote work is also making employees healthier; 45% claim to get more sleep, 42% are eating healthier, and 35% are getting more physical exercise.”
Furthermore, working online simplifies the process of working for people with disabilities, ones from occupied territories or who live in another hemisphere.
In addition, owing to working outside their workplace, there are more savings and a lesser carbon footprint. Hence, it reduces carbon emissions as well as improves air quality.

To conclude, there are a few disadvantages of working remotely such as a lack of interaction or many distractions. Nonetheless, due to working online people can dedicate their time to health, and their families. Also, it is noteworthy to say working remotely can be beneficial for people with disabilities or who reside in other parts of the world; people can decrease their carbon footprint as well. Therefore, the benefits of this mobility outweigh the disadvantages.

[native sentinel]

the number of words in the essay is fulfilled, but it's better if the number of words is limited to 250-300 words.

Here's my review:
Information technology offers people a great opportunity to work remotely. Although there are some drawbacks to it, there are many more benefits of virtually working.

On the one hand, people are liable to encounter the lack of social interaction while they are working remotely. They cannot come to their colleagues and exchange crucial information or ask for several pieces of advice in real life; in the meanwhilemeantime , they are inundated with a number of requests in regard to their job at deep night while they are working remotely. Apart from this, it is challenging for people to stay motivated by working online. Numerous distractions can disrupt a worker's concentration, like outside noise, spotty internet, phone notifications, kids making noise, and doorbells ringing. Because of this, it is difficult to stay deeply focused and people easily procrastinate. For example, an acquaintance of mine has been working due to the Covid-19 outbreak. In the beginning, there were managerial issues such as supervising staff, setting up programs and creating checklists. Later, he got accustomed to remote working. For the time being, my acquaintance is feeling isolated and lacks social interaction. FurthermoreMoreover, he frequently misses deadlines and struggles with procrastination. He sometimes experiences not being included in important work-related information.

[native sentinel]

On the other hand, we cannot deny a virtual working has its merits and can facilitate effective work processes. There are many advantages of remote working. It creates a better work-life balance, allowing for more family time and healthier lifestyles. A survey reported that remote working could reduce stress, give healthcare workers more time for their families, and improve their overall wellbeing. Remote working **makes it easier **for people with disabilities. This makes it possible for corporations to source talent from other countries.Additionally, working outside of the traditional workplace means there are fewer expenses and less of a carbon footprint. As a result, it reduces carbon emissions and enhances air quality.

To conclude, there are a few downsides to remote working, such as limited social interactions or increased distractions. However, remote working gives people the opportunity to spend more time on their health and families . Additionally, it is worth pointing out that working remotely can be beneficial for those with disabilities or who live outside of their home country. Therefore, the benefits of remote working outweigh the disadvantages.

[little notch]

thank you! what's the difference between furthermore and moreover? any differences between in the meantime and in the meanwhile?

[glacial yacht]

Hello

I need someone to proofread my essay...

[crimson gale]

Can anyone check my essay on grammar and English naturally in this essay? I will be very grateful to you!
"In order to understand the World, you need to understand the most important thing to comprehend, the Core of everything. Being able to comprehend the Core is the greatest, the most pleasant feeling of all ones. To comprehend the Core you need to see the one, to see the Core you need to stop seeing the Surface but rather to be aware of conditions that the Surface presents to you. Limits and boundaries restrict our abilities of the slightest "non-seeing" condition of our perception and thus, we might not to be able to fully understand the Surface unless there's a somewhat reckless man who doesn't fear his appearance and view in the Society. One day in the future when there are only sorrows and griefs, when in minds lightly vague sensitivity of the surrounding world takes control of us. He, the one so reckless and fearless, put an end to those emotions of ours, then we shall be the ones who admit a full appearence of those who seemed to us so incomprehensibly different "

[tired geyser]

Алексей что ж вы такое пишете

[crimson gale]

Ну, эксперимент с чувствами и пониманием мира.

[tired geyser]

Ладно

Ничё не понял

Но круто

Чот на умном тип

[crimson gale]

Чёт да)

[tired geyser]

Pon

[tired geyser]

А ты откуда?

Мож сдружимся хуль

@crimson gale

Эа Лёшка

Алёша

Ладно

Не буду быдлом

[crimson gale]

Можно

[tired geyser]

А ладно

[proper barn]

Can anyone check my ielts task 1 essay(task achievement,Vocabulary,Grammer,Coherence&Cohesion)
https://www.ieltsessaybank.com/main-reasons-for-study-among-students/

The provided bar graphs demonstrate the percentage of students with diverse purposes in categories by age and the number of contributions from employers.
At the onset, The contrasting of figures between study for career and study of interest is notable. the former trend rapidly drops while the latter trend steeply increases. The second bar graph gives fluctuation with touching the peak at the start and The lowest point at the 40-49 group age.
With regard to the first chart, the amount of students who studies for a career is significantly decreased from 80% to slightly under 20% at aged below 26 to more than nearly 50s consecutively. However, The students studying for their own interests have the opposite trend. It is starting at 10% and substantially rises to exactly 70% which is roughly 7 times increased. Furthermore, the two numbers are precisely the same with the 40 percent at 40-49 period.
Meanwhile, the percentage of employer support starts at just above 60%. Then, it sharply falls to approximately 30% at aged 30-39 years which is the lowest point. After that, there is a swift growth and reaches the highest point at just over 40% aged over 49 years which is different from the starting point by almost 20%

[copper lion]

Did you write it ?

[heady nova]

did u write this?

[crimson gale]

Yes

Is there something wrong?

[heady nova]

oh, great, excellent.

[crimson gale]

Unfortunately, nobody has checked it yet on grammar 😓

[heady nova]

Alexey, cheers, mate

[crimson gale]

Okay 😊

[heady nova]

are u a schoolboy?

[crimson gale]

Yep!

[heady nova]

will u be my friend?

[crimson gale]

With pleasure )

[nimble iris]

Hi dear discord's friends, i need a help, I was writting a report about fast food (I hate doing reports), Could anyone tell me if the report is well written? thanks!!

Frequency of Eating at Fast Food Restaurants in the USA
The bar chart shows fast food consumption in the United States in 2003, 2006 and 2013. We can see easily that frequent consumption of fast food is defined as once or twice a month. It is a dominant trend, although having fast food once a week continues to be a trend.
In 2003, approximately + 30 % of people ate fast food once a week compared exactly with a 30 % eating fast food once or twice a month. These trends went in different directions, those eating once a week rising to + 30 % in 2006, but then it fell to 26 % by 2013. Eating once or twice a month fell to 25 % and then increased around 34 % in the final year.
The bar for those who were eating fast for many time a week stood around 17 % in 2003, increased 20 % in 2006 and went down to 16 % in 2013. In contrast, comparing the results of individuals consuming fast food a few times a year, the result was 13 % in 2003, then it stabilized at 15 % in the last years recorded. The numbers for every day and never didn’t show significant differences, they were nearly identical.

[polar violet]

I think it's very well written.

[violet wedge]

great job

[heady nova]

I’ll happily proofread anything ya might want me too, just dm me

[green axle]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qkTJ-OhGaAE&list=PLoE8ujK3S41xW1N07vgxUOuBuRILVwr7A&index=17

[charred creek]

Hello, i'm looking for someone (bilingual) to help me by reading what I write through the day before submitting my (little) assignments !
It would be very helpful to have the correction of a native speaker,
Thanks you by advance for your answer, have a nice one !

[minor kraken]

i can help if you'd like

[charred creek]

It would be a pleasure, i dm you

[minor kraken]

sure

[olive pagoda]

Looks great overall! One minor correction is that ‘We can see easily that frequent consumption of fast food’ sounds a little clunky, although it’s totally understandable, ‘We can easily see that…’ might sound better, or just ‘We can see that…’

[heady nova]

Hello I need someone to correct me and add some amazing vocab!!

This art takes me an hour to complete. The trajectory, the positioning, the contemplation and the careful precise decision to put a perfect circle of symbolism just to make art.
It places a deep meaning as the Lord's name also imbedded in Zen Buddhism. The unification of the hands bridge entrenched disciplinary boundaries, my art probes the viewers into the nexus of literature, politics, and religion to bring to light a revolution of the mind that dwells at the core of the oneness of "Ying"and "yan" for light in a dark and tumultuous world through contemporary experimentation.
The "me" word replaces "the subjective experience of ego" the one we viewers perceive through our eyes, it is not enough to see as it is only can be seen through the eyes of unveiled. Learn to free your mind, end your suffering, and end your delusions by meditating. That is Meditation.

[static scaffold]

I think this text is well written with a variety of ambitious vocabulary, though I feel that it's important to explain yourself through these vocabulary words in the shortest way possible. The 2nd sentence lacks meaning - I assume you are trying to convey how delicate and precise you find art to be; Instead of listing 4 ideas (aim, position, thought and precision), you can link them together like this:

Art requires one's undivided attention - Every motion on a blank canvas depicts meaning, and when unified, it concocts a symphony which we call art.

Just offering my 2 cents here, but I generally find reading coherent short texts more appealing. Notice how I summarized 'trajectory, positioning, contemplation, precise decision' into 'every motion depicts meaning' , which also conveys a similar effect.

I'm not a professor but I think something a lot of people appreciate is sentence variation. Notice how every sentence is at least 2-3 lines, and some can come off as run-on. You might want to consider adding shorter sentences. For instance, 'My art probes viewers into discovering the nexus of literature, politics, and religion. In turn, ...'

[heady nova]

Thank you!!

[frigid geyser]

Hello world! I am going to pass IELTS and I need proofreading to know my mistakes. Actually I am dissatisfied with my writing and know some aspect in which I must get better. But view from others would be useful.

The table shows us pupil amount percentage changes in 4 types of schools within 9 years. Four secondary school types are specialist, grammar, voluntary-controlled and community schools.
In the beginning of the 2nd decade, the most children visited Voluntary-controlled schools and covered 52% above other schools. The second school with less students are grammar schools with 24% of pupils.
In 2005, all school types were generally lessened in pupil amount. In particular, the pupils' attendance in voluntary-controlled schools decreased to 38% but community schools got more pupils which is from 12% to 32%.
In 2009, Community schools covered all children with education, which is 58%. Voluntary-controlled schools dropped from 38% to 20%. The last types of school were 12% – Grammar schools, and 10% – Specialist schools.
In conclusion, we notice that community schools had a great increase in pupil attendance and became the 1st type of schools with 58 percent covering the secondary school system.

[ebon steppe]

Hey, that can might be helpful... Firstly, let's focus on your sentence structure, especially how you begin them. Your sentences consistently start with the same phrase (In..., In...). Try to add more variety and liveliness by using phrases like 'Furthermore...,' 'In addition...,' or similar alternatives. Additionally, it would be beneficial to enhance your vocabulary. Instead of using phrases like 'school types,' consider using the term 'school curriculum.'

Do you understand what I am trying to explain brother? So, that is my opinion about your text. gl

[sterile gull]

(don't feel discouraged on this, i'm a native speaker and i forget this kinda stuff all the time)

[frigid geyser]

I gotcha and I try to avoid mistakes you mentioned. Thank you so much.
Now I’m reading fiction and nonfiction literature and I hope it will help me.

[sterile gull]

rad! what book?

[ebon steppe]

yh that's normal

[frigid geyser]

Harari’s “21 lessons for the 21st century” and trying to start Melville’s “Moby Dick”

[rotund zealot]

Hi!!

Plz i need corection for my paragraph :
My name is Aluna, i want to continue my studies abroad ,but the the first obstacle i face is "learning english".one of my friend advise me to talk more English in order to learn it,but all who knews are worst than me in it , so an idea cames to me ,to use Internet!so i am here , plz correct mistakes I made in this Paragraph 😉

🤔

[safe rose]

Plz i need corection for my paragraph :
My name is Aluna and I want to continue my studies abroad ,but the the first obstacle i face is "learning english". (Speech marks are always after a full stop) one of my friend advise me to talk more English in order to learn it,but all who knews are worst than me in it , so an idea cames to me ,to use Internet!so i am here , plz correct mistakes I made in this Paragraph 😉

Wait brb I’ll fix it up for you later

[rotund zealot]

Thank you !

[frigid geyser]

you have 2 “the” in the first sentence

[safe rose]

My name is Aluna and I want to continue my studies abroad**,** but the the first obstacle i face I’m facing is " learning english ". (Speech marks are always after a full stop, but in this case they’re not necessary)One of my friends advise me to talk more English in order to learn it, (space) but all who knews are worst than me in it but other people are worst than me at English(I’m not sure what you’re referring to as “who” so try and be specific. I find this sentence weird because it’s irrelevant to what you’re saying) (removed comma) so an idea cames to me ~~,~~to use the Internet! (space) Now I am here

@rotund zealot

[rotund zealot]

Thank you very much!!

[distant snow]

I think it would be "worse than me at English" ?

[safe rose]

yeah yeah that’s correct HAHA sorry

@rotund zealot Fixed a tiny mistake of mine thanks to @distant snow(I changed “in English” to “at English)

[frigid geyser]

Can you check my Writing Part 1 by IELTS criteria and give a mark by IELTS system?

The chart shows the average number of hours each day that Chinese, American, Turkish and Brazilian tourists spent doing leisure activities while on holiday in Greece in August 2019.

The graphics inform us about the time-spending differences between Chinese, American, Turkish and Brazilian tourists in Greece on their summer vacation. Survey obtain three categories of vacation activities: having rest at the beach, reading books, and visiting sidewalks.
Most of Brazillian tourists decided enjoy laying under the Sun and resting at Greece’s beaches, which took 6 hours. Chinese people had fun reading book on their vacation for 8 hours. However, they had only 1 hour to visit Greece’s parks and other places for holiday purposes. Both American and Turkish citizens approached another way. They have seen beautiful surroundings of Greece for 3 hours. Also they spent time at the beach and to read books approximately same.
In conclusion, I understand how people from different part of the world spend their time on holiday. I see that chinese tourists enjoyed reading books, brazilian tourists enjoyed visiting the beach. And on the other hand, I consider that american and turkish tourists had more rational approach to vacations.

Unfortunately, i am not able to send picture of chart

[pine oxide]

Get rid of the "And" in "And on the other hand". You should rarely use and at the beginning of a sentene. Also try and use more advanced words, you can use google for this with a quick search. Other than that it is very good!

Also good structuring of the paragraph

[distant snow]

The chart shows the average number of hours each day that Chinese, American, Turkish**,** and Brazilian tourists spent doing leisurely activities while on holiday in Greece in August 2019.

The graphics inform us about the time-spending differences between Chinese, American, Turkish**,** and Brazilian tourists in Greece on their summer vacation. Survey obtain these three categories of vacation activities: resting at the beach, reading books, and visiting sidewalks monuments/buildings/sites.
Most~~ of~~ Brazillian tourists~~ decided~~ enjoyed laying under the sun and resting at Greece’s beaches, which took 6 hours. Chinese people had fun reading books on their vacation for 8 eight hours. However, they had only ~~1 ~~ one hour to visit Greece’s parks and other places for holiday purposes. Both American and Turkish citizens approached their vacation another way. They ~~have seen ~~ saw the beautiful surroundings of Greece for 3 three hours. Also**,** they spent time at the beach and to read books approximately the same.
In conclusion, I understand how people from different parts of the world spend their time on holiday. I see that Chinese tourists enjoyed reading books, Brazilian tourists enjoyed visiting the beach. ~~And ~~ Yet, on the other hand, I consider that American and Turkish tourists had a more rational approach to vacations.

• Take my corrections with a grain of salt, I am no professional
• Don't forget that numerals are commonly spelled out if they are smaller numbers, i.e only one word in word form
• I'm a little conflicted about the sentence; "Survey obtain three categories of vacation activities: having rest at the beach, reading books, and visiting sidewalks." I corrected it to the best of my abilities.
• I agree that you should give some larger words a shot, check out https://www.thesaurus.com
• Sorry if I missed anything or messed anything up!

discord is limiting me urgh

[distant snow]

"-which took 6 six hours."

[frigid geyser]

thank you all much

[undone lagoon]

The graphics informs us about the time-spending differences between in how Chinese, American, Turkish and Brazilian tourists in Greece spend time on their summer vacation. The survey obtain shows three categories of vacation activities: having rest at the beach, reading books, and visiting sidewalks ["visiting sidewalks" doesn't make sense].
Most of Brazillian tourists decided to enjoy laying lying under in the sun and resting at on Greece’s beaches, which took 6 six hours. Chinese people had fun reading books on their vacation for 8 eight hours**, however, they had only 1 one hour to visit Greece’s parks and other places for holiday purposes. Both American and Turkish citizens approached ^their vacations^ another way. They have seen saw beautiful surroundings landscapes of Greece for 3 three hours. Also They also spent time at the beach and to read books ^for^ approximately ^the^ same ^amount of time^.
In conclusion, I understand how people from different parts** of the world spend their time on holiday. I see that Chinese tourists enjoyed reading books~~,~~ ^and^ Brazilian tourists enjoyed visiting the beach. And On the other hand, I consider think/believe that American and Turkish tourists had took a more rational approach to vacations.

IELTS Writing Task 1 descriptors (maximum score = 9)

• Task achievement = 5. Generally meets the format of the task. Detail is mechanical and relates only minimally to the bigger picture.
• Coherence & cohesion = 5. Organization doesn't show a progression of ideas. Limited and inaccurate use of cohesive devices.
• Lexical resource = 5. Errors in vocabulary, word usage, and forms may confuse the reader. Vocabulary lacks range and variety.
• Grammatical range & accuracy = 4. Grammatical structures are generally accurate but too simple and lack variety. No subordinate clauses are attempted. Meaning is somewhat impeded by grammatical errors.

[undone lagoon]

Plz I need correction for my paragraph please:
My name is Aluna, I want to continue my studies abroad, but the the first obstacle I face is "learning English". One of my friends advised me to talk speak more English in order to learn it, but all everyone who knows are is worse than me in it, so an idea cames to me~~,~~ to use ^the^ Internet! So I am here, plz please correct mistakes I made in this paragraph.

[safe rose]

i got a ping here

but its not there

[frigid geyser]

Hello. I appreciate your helpful feedback!

[frigid geyser]

Hello, can you check my essay by IELTS criteria and give a mark by IELTS system?

Task:
The pie charts below show the devices people in the 18 to 25 age group use to watch television in Canada in two different years.
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

My answer:
These provided pie charts show the usage of 6 types of devices which are used for watching television broadcast by young adults of Canada. Charts provide information about contrast in percentage of mobile phone, laptop, tablet, desktop computer, flat-screen TV, and conventional TV usages in 2009 and 2019.
In general, the most popular 3 gadgets which are used to watch TV initially in 2009 were conventional TVs (34%), laptops (20%) and desktop computers (18%) while in 2019 flat-screen TVs (27%), mobile phones (26%), and tablets (19%) the most dominant.
In 10 years there had been great changes. For instance, the amount of conventional TV-users dramattically decreased from 34% to 4%, which is 30% lessening in 10 years, on the other hand, an opposite scenario happened with flat-screen TV, which got popular and increased from 8% to 27%. The second major difference is expansion of tablet applying, which consisted 14% of a rise.

You can see task clearly here: https://www.ielts-writing.info/EXAM/academic_writing_samples_task_1/1111/

Thanks in advance

[charred creek]

Would it be possible for someone to read my sentences and tell me what's wrong ?

I send in dm because I have 20 sentences and I don't wanna flood there

[heady nova]

Proofreading meaning?

What's the meaning?

[stone flicker]

I'd love to help--

[sullen dawn]

Proofreading is when someone else reads something you wrote, and tells you if there are any mistakes in it.

[limber kayak]

Heelo guyzz

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1dOhwInFQv3qgfP0nlZZjgQCml2phPs-iX50foO7HfPw/edit?usp=sharing

can someone help me revise TT

[heady nova]

Thank you so much

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1dOhwInFQv3qgfP0nlZZjgQCml2phPs-iX50foO7HfPw/edit?usp=sharing

[heady nova]

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1dOhwInFQv3qgfP0nlZZjgQCml2phPs-iX50foO7HfPw/edit?usp=sharing

[lofty mauve]

is proof-reading for school work allowed on here or is that a no?

[safe rose]

It’s allowed, post it if you like

[devout stirrup]

Find a mistake in this sentence. Can u help me 🥹 I tried but cant

[uneven dragon]

Missing commas

At this point ..
the comparative group, whose learning motivation, was stronger

"whose learning motivation" is a secondary clause; extra info you can keep or leave out, which is why it's placed between two commas.

[proper sapphire]

lmao I guess bài thi quốc gia really did mess everyone up with this one specific question

Distinctive. The word isn't supposed to be used with "from", but you can have "distinct from"

[devout stirrup]

The key shocked me

🥲

DISTINCTIVE OR COMPARATIVE

"Distinctive" means that something has unique or noticeable qualities that set it apart from others. It implies that the motivation of the two groups of learners was significantly different from each other, making each group easily recognizable or distinguishable based on their motivation. However, the context suggests that the motivation of the two groups was different, not necessarily distinctive.

On the other hand, "distinct" means that there is a clear difference or separation between two or more things. It indicates that the motivation of the two groups was separate and identifiable, but not necessarily unique or remarkable.

In this sentence, the term "comparative" correctly highlights the stronger learning motivation of the group being compared to the control group. It emphasizes the comparative aspect of their performance.

The term "comparative group" is commonly used in experimental studies to refer to a group that is compared to another group in order to evaluate the effects of an intervention, treatment, or condition.

For example, in a study comparing the effectiveness of two teaching methods, researchers may divide participants into two groups: an experimental group and a comparative group. The experimental group receives one teaching method, while the comparative group receives a different teaching method. The comparative group serves as a baseline or reference group for comparison, allowing researchers to assess the relative impact or effectiveness of the two methods.

Therefore, "distinctive" should be replaced with "distinct" and "comparative" is the correct term to use to describe the stronger learning motivation of one group compared to another.

[frigid geyser]

As I see, chatgpt is overrating my writing

[regal pivot]

What makes you say that? It declined to even rate your essay, explaining that your essay is incomplete.

[frigid geyser]

I tried to send to chatgpt a lot and it is rating to 6.0
and even changing one essays rank differently

[inner schooner]

Hi

[noble meteor]

Definition on proofreading ?

[safe rose]

Reading over someone else’s work and correcting it

[noble meteor]

Ah i see, never heard of that term, probably academic

Lol

[safe rose]

Eh idk lol

[neon crystal]

In a sense, although it’s used outside it as well. At work for example

[potent cipher]

• Your mom is weird
• What did you say about my mom?
• I said she is/was weird

Should we use "was", because we're referring to our initial statement (reported speech or whatever it's called), i.e. she was weird at the time we said it.
Or should we use "is" to highlight the fact that she's still being weird?

[charred creek]

I believe it depends on the context. Spontaneously I would use "I said she is weird". But as you say, if it has changed it would be better to use "was".

Chatgpt adds up something interesting :
In casual conversation, people often use the present tense when discussing past events, so either "is" or "was" could be acceptable depending on the intended meaning.

[ionic kraken]

You're repeating what you have just said, so, I think is would be more acceptable in this case. Though, I cannot particularly say was is so wrong, either.

+You're weird, man.
-What did you just say to me?
-I said you're weird!

See? It all fits.

[potent cipher]

"You're repeating what you have just said"
And what if I said it some time ago (2 weeks, 3 months, a year maybe)? Does it change things? I'm trying to understand why constructions like "said she/he is" are so rare compared to "said she/he was"
Say, playphraseme finds 427 instances of "said she was" in various movies: https://www.playphrase.me/#/search?q=said+she+was
but there are only 4 clips for "said she is": https://www.playphrase.me/#/search?q=said+she+is
"said he was" = 917 samples: https://www.playphrase.me/#/search?q=said+he+was
"said he is" = only 19: https://www.playphrase.me/#/search?q=said+he+is

[ionic kraken]

Meaning, in that same conversation.

You wouldn't really encounter this usage quite as often, that is why you're getting fewer samples.

Because you said, in the past, he/she was. It's in the past. The action is in the past. However, in this scenario, you just said it, so, it's not particularly in the past.

I, however, had not seen this usage for any other verbs apart from to be.

+I'm 25
-Thought you were 27?
+I said I'm 25! (In this conversation, again, I repeated MYSELF. However, the other person—did not. So, it's the past tense for them, and present tense for me.)

[potent cipher]

I get it. Let's imagine another scenario. A year ago I said "Jimmy is fat." Today his friend Timmy tells him about it. What would be Timmy's choice of words: "he said you were/are fat"?

[ionic kraken]

Turn this into a conversation.

Like, a very short dialogue, like I did.

[hot ocean]

This was something I was just about to bring up. I think this is due to "said" indicating a direct quotation through reiterating. You could easily make an argument that it's actually: "I said 'she is weird'."

[ionic kraken]

Precisely so.

As if 2 different statements there.

+I said, you are weird.

This would be better put together.

+I said you were weird.

Add a comma to prevent all the possible confusion, and pay attention to how slowly or fast you say this in real life to make your point clear enough.

[potent cipher]

okay
Timmy: he said you were/are fat
Jimmy (approaching me angrily): what did you say about me?
Me: no hablo ingles

[ionic kraken]

You are weird is what I said vs. I said you were weird!

Again, is what I said, what I just said, in that same conversation.

Going back maybe a few seconds in time to use the past tense, therefore it makes what I said after—the present tense.

[ionic kraken]

Were would fit more nicely here.

In the past he said it.

That Jimmy was fat.

And now he's saying to Jimmy: he ||(in the past, some time ago, we don't know for sure.)|| said you were fat. —(in the past he did, and in the past you were fat, and maybe you still are)—

However...

+Jimmy, you're so fat! (Not to offend anyone, just an example)
-Wait, what? Say that again!
+I said, you are so fat!

To summarize, what you're trying to say is: I said; 《You are so fat》 vs. I said you were fat!

Though, we do not write the first statement like this.

[potent cipher]

muito obrigado, thanks

[ionic kraken]

De nada.

[heady nova]

Help me. I want to ask an appropriate questions.

1. What makes you become the Moderator you are today?
2. Why did you decided to become the Moderator of this server?
3. Is there any difficulties to manage the server or you wish to pass your legacy to someone in the future?

[indigo juniper]

You have to go over the use on tenses in these questions. Some aspects are past tense and others are present

1. What helped make you the Moderator you are today?

3. ARE there any difficulties to MANAGING the server...

Those are the mistakes I found, very good effort🙏

[heady nova]

Thanks you

[heady nova]

Hey guys, can someone please help me correct my essay structures and grammars? https://docs.google.com/document/d/1epKAdEaaHInxUkrAtQqEo3jG2GhdeYIahKoNeRQqB5w/edit?usp=sharing

[heady nova]

Sure.

[heady nova]

I think it looks great, but I suggest when you put Kahoot! you put it in quotation marks or speech marks. This is because when you do this:

"The quiz app, Kahoot! is a great interactive experience." It looks like the word Kahoot is the end of the sentence, so maybe do "The quiz app, 'Kahoot!' is a great interactive experience.

[heady nova]

thank you 👍

[cunning inlet]

@heady nova hello, welcome and no invites pls.

[heady nova]

Bet

[earnest hamlet]

Hellooo

Anybody here

Feeling bored

Who feels bored too?

[plucky basin]

me

[lament lodge]

When is your exam?

[frigid geyser]

Hi. I’m planning to pass it on September

[solar quest]

hi I m right here

[jaunty hull]

This server is for learning and is not meant as a tool for cheating on academic assignments. We have this rule so as not to treat members as “tools” you can use to do your homework without you having to work. We want to make sure that you will actually learn something and not just run off with the answers.

As a result, the community may:
answer general questions
point out your mistakes and help you understand them
give you clues on how to correct them
provide resources
But the community may not:
do your homework for you
correct your mistakes without ensuring that you're doing your best to understand
accept any kind of compensation in exchange for corrections or assignment help
Soliciting these kinds of services may lead to a sanction.

[median jacinth]

[inner cradle]

Critique more than welcome.
Meant for professional use.

[cunning inlet]

@inner cradle no links

[inner cradle]

Oh, ill just send it then

In the realm of hearts, where emotions reside,
Comparison lurks, a joy-thieving tide.
It washes away the vibrant hue,
The red that beats with love so true.

Just as the ocean's waves crash,
Comparison's currents whip and thrash.
It drowns the joy, like depths unknown,
Leaving emptiness, hearts turned to stone.

And like the sun, whose rays ignite the day,
Comparison eclipses the light in its own way.
It dims the warmth that brightens the soul,
Leaving shadows, where happiness once stole.

Even the sky, with its boundless blue,
Falls victim to comparison's ruthless slew.
It robs the souls that paints dreams high,
Leaving a void, a colorless sigh.

So let us remember, with steadfast belief,
That comparison brings no true relief.
Embrace the reds, the waves and the sun's glow,
Let joy's vibrance flourish, and comparisons let go.

There we go :))

[tired gate]

You should try to time something with “hide”. As in, an animal’s hide.

[inner cradle]

Why?

[heady nova]

this is amazing

[inner cradle]

Thank you!

[heady nova]

No worries

[hot ocean]

Line 6: "Comparison's currents whip and thrash" might have the latter half changed to ", they whip and thrash." I personally recommend this to achieve a more consistent rhythmic balance in the couplet since the original line lacks a stressed syllable and reads monotonously compared to the first line. The extra syllable and caesura also helps isolate "whip and thrash" to make them a bit more dramatic.

[inner cradle]

Well observed, I agree. Thank you.

Now that I read it, I feel like the extra syllables make it sound more poetic.

Just as the ocean's waves crash,
Comparison's currents whip and thrash.

It sounds natural to me

[hot ocean]

If you think it sounds natural, I'll have to concede. There's nothing fundamentally wrong with your poem, so I don't have any more objective advice to offer, and that is the only type of advice I'd truly give for something as personal and subjective as a poem.

[inner cradle]

I very much appreciate it.

[lofty bough]

@inner cradle Your poem has a brilliant sense and a sweet message. Glad to see some bright, high, and philosophical minds still reside in this "modern", mechanical world. But my friend, you cannot write good poetry without following metre.... I mean, just for the sake of rhyme, you surely don't wish to breach the fundamental rules of poetry? If you do, then it would be free verse, or specifically a verse neither blank nor free, the former of which, by my personal opinion, is not true poetry- it's just telling a compact version of a story. So, I'm afraid that I have to tell you to follow a consistent metre (iambic preferably) and syllabic count in your poems. Sure, you can drop a few extra syllables in the most suitable places to make the poem more dramatic and express your subject's (if any) state of mind, but you should keep that in mind for now on, and surely one day, you'll rise to rarefied heights of literature. But again I say, the rules can be learned, but the technique of writing good poetry cannot. It comes out instinctively in people having equally rarefied minds. Heed me, and you'll not end up in vain.

Now for my poem, folks. This one's an ode on mathematics, the subject I despise. It's written in, principally, alternating iambic hexameter acatalectic and catalectic.

[inner cradle]

Thank you. Ironically doing math at this very moment.

[hot ocean]

Saying that a poem that does not follow an established meter is not real poetry is a ridiculously pretentious statement. Please do not misrepresent the nature of poetry, friend. Established meters are there to enhance the prosody of poetry, but not dictate it. Researching meters can certainly do no harm, but it is not required for a poem to flow correctly. Really, it's intuitive for some people whether a poem flows right, and I don't think the poem they sent has a distinct lack of rhythm, so why burden them with the concept of formal meter? Free verse is popular for a reason, and that reason is that it places no restriction on the poet's ability to shift and manipulate the rhythm of the poem to achieve a certain effect. Free verse is real poetry, regardless of your biases.

[rigid harbor]

thats true. poetry is merely subjective, it doesnt need to follow any specific parameters to be classified as real poetry.

[lofty bough]

@hot ocean @rigid harbor Guys, I came not here to put free verse to ridicule. Not only did I mention that what you have objected to is merely my own personal opinion which cannot change the world, but also since you clearly have dismissed my numerous goodwill statements, I say to you, that Wordsworth did not become great because of not following free verse, and W.B. Yeats is not counted by many among the greatest poets of the 20th century because of doing so. And for your information, you may want to delve into the case of William Topaz McGonagall. We must respect the tradition, especially those prosodic ones followed by the great poets of yore. Today, we have entered the era of speed and technology, and so most of creativity has been thrown down into the sink. People's taste of art and culture has degraded drastically, from the rise of abstract art to the first blank, and then, free verse. In the end I say, I do not traduce these forms of art, as I respect everyone's different tastes, but what I have said is very much true, you may agree.

And again, by my personal opinion, I summarize that poems with only rhyme and not metre are more worthy as songs and freely versed poems are suitable as stories.

[hot ocean]

I never made dismissal of your goodwill; rather, I have no reason to address it. I was not criticizing your entire appraisal, but only the parts that I disagreed with. I myself was more than willing to address the rhythm of their poem, but I never claimed that they needed a certain substance to construct an authentic poem, and to do so is, in my opinion, very controversial, and I thus avoided it. I don't have anything wrong with your opinion, but simply the way in which you project it to someone practicing their wordsmithing. Namely, "I'm afraid that I have to tell you to follow a consistent metre (iambic preferably) and syllabic count in your poems" is an inappropriate projection of bias from the slightly authoritative position of critique. It would be more appropriate to make a subtler mention of meter to allow them to decide on their own if that's the "poetry" they wish to pursue instead of imposing your worldview. I do not think that is too much to ask.

[ripe vault]

I am also under the view where some of the best poetry I have personally read are those that break the “metre” rules. The people who explore rhyming patterns, use freestyle type poetry or even spoken word to get their point across

[lofty bough]

@hot ocean That may be as it is, like what you say, but nevertheless thanks for advising me. I, for one, do not like excessively polite affectations. And if I have inconvenienced you by sharing my worldview, please let me know, and I will rectify myself at once. Modernity, with all its boons, is propitious to us in its own way, but I do not think it meet to directly infringe the tradition that is in such an artistic, esoteric subject as poetry. Moreover, since the receiver of the original message @inner cradle, is satisfied with my comments, I need not bother with my opinions much.

@ripe vault That may be so, but you may see in poetry, metre and rhyme are like twins. When rhyme becomes absent, metre takes its place; but do not make the mistake of confusing rhyme with metre, and the very father of the twins: the essence, the spirit of the poem.

@hot ocean By the way, I see why you can be a fitting member of the debate club. Never did I see such shrewdness in any person I have spoken to online. I find your arguments delightful, and perceive no words to panegyrize your rejoinders simply because they have transcended every limit of excellence. But just this, that I pray you to be less direct and frank to people like me, for instance, concerning my statements that you described as "ridiculously pretentious". I can't say I have taken no offence.

[inner cradle]

didnt see i sparked a debate haha, I hope its a good one 🙌

[lofty bough]

@inner cradle Yes, my man

@inner cradle 'Twas I who kindled this debate by my "ridiculous" objections

[inner cradle]

💪

[ripe vault]

The spirit of the poem comes from the words and message behind it 🤓🤭

[lofty bough]

@ripe vault That's exactly what I'm talking about.😂

[ripe vault]

Oh, alright then

[hot ocean]

I mean no offense. The comment wasn't an attack on your person whatsoever, but wholly an attack on the statement itself. I understand where you're coming from, though, so I'll exercise a bit more subtlety. In regards to why I've chosen a front at all, it's the nature of this server that many who seek assistance are susceptible to those that may speak authoritatively. I didn't want your words to misguide, put succinctly. However, I do see no reason to continue since we have clearly expressed ourselves on this matter so that any external observer may make a more conscientious judgement now.

[lofty bough]

@hot ocean Well then, where do I hail from?

[hot ocean]

Pardon? Did you mean to ask where I hail from?

[lofty bough]

@hot ocean no my friend, you said "I understand where you're coming from"

[hot ocean]

Ah, I assumed my language did seem a bit strong so I figured I might have come on too strong, too early. I have been there before myself.

[lofty bough]

Sorry?

[hot ocean]

Regarding the tactlessness of my statement.

[safe rose]

||Sorry to interrupt but, this is the most civilised and respectful argument/conversation I’ve ever seen||

[lofty bough]

@safe rose I'd wager Aristotle and his teacher Plato used to have such astute conversations. Otherwise, they were individually rivals in philosophy. Study Aristotelian and Platonian realism (or philosophy), you'll understand.

[safe rose]

Ooh, alright

[lofty bough]

@hot ocean Sorry, but I find your statement somewhat irrelevant to the original matter. Pray clarify.

[hot ocean]

The statement was in regards to my admittance on the use of strong language. "The comment wasn't an attack on your person whatsoever, but wholly an attack on the statement itself. I understand where you're coming from, though, so I'll exercise a bit more subtlety." should perhaps be read in isolation. This is in acknowledgement of my "ridiculously prententious" comment. I hope that clarifies it.

[lofty bough]

@hot ocean Well, well, well, I seem to comprehend it now. Looking forward to, as a "fanatic" of logic and philosophy, to rise to the heights of the sagacity you have attained.

[hot ocean]

I don't think my heights are so high, but I appreciate the pleasantry nonetheless. I assume you are far more inclined to the subject, so I'll reflect your wishes unto yourself and wish you luck myself.

[heady nova]

where did all the comments go that you replied too? @hot ocean

[lofty bough]

I deleted them

[heady nova]

why?

[lofty bough]

Coz they were private and conversational, and we could have DM'd those to each other seamlessly

[lofty bough]

There was a time when being, not taking shape, The vast expanses of confusion, did traverse, And always at conquering himself, used to gape, 'Til Nature herself did uphold th' universe.

Arranged the matter she, with splendour and grace, Adorning with a power the fruit of her womb, As Man was he called, to understand her laws, And to predict her fate, to her travails outface. With alien charms thus, Mankind managed to comb, Abysses of logic through, but still could not scrape- It withal served to strip her o' th' cryptic cape- Her each riddle, with her endless secrets converse.

A short ode it was

[heady nova]

Your writing is excellent! It is called a sonnet rather than a poem i reckon. I write poems/songs too, would you like to take a look?

[lofty bough]

@heady nova why not

@heady nova sorry, friend, sonnets follow iambic pentameter and have 14 lines but thank u for ur review

[heady nova]

Nooo 😭😭😭

[lofty bough]

@heady nova what happened?

[heady nova]

Okay i will keep that in mind thanks for correcting me

[lofty bough]

@heady nova and your poem?

[heady nova]

My message is deleted cause “it was too long to be a poem”

Imma just shorten it

[lofty bough]

just break it up into parts, or dm this to me as a friend, or speak it out to me on call

[heady nova]

He burns frames quite bright
It’s owned by the late of night
Reckons an honour path of his kin
Mine hand too dainty, it holds a sin

They say “love is a path to keep you alive”
Now it’s too purged to be on your side

The likeness in your eyes as a sight
Speak thy oath, and I’m satisfied
Darkness stares as if it was blind
In ferrous cages, barren cold at night
Then my love couldn’t hit the mark

Are you still there? Pronounce my name then
And I’ll sacrifice anything for a man
Certain times when you mention I’m mad
But my beloved, that non-believer mouth, makes me sad
And I’m yours until the very end

He holds his pride like his wise mind
The glamorous knight of De Haar,
God bless him, what on earth would happen?
If my dear’s precious wealth wouldn’t matter?

They say “you have to pay off what you’ve done”
They are right, blood is the liquid surrounds me now

The likeness in your eyes as a sight
Speak thy oath, and I’m satisfied
Darkness stares as if it was blind
In ferrous cages, barren cold at night
Then my love couldn’t hit the mark

Are you still there? Pronounce my name then
And I’ll sacrifice anything for a man
Certain times when you mention I’m mad
But my beloved, that non-believer mouth, makes me sad
And I’m yours until the very end

Most elegant war will have never been made
Until the next time we will be met
The esmeraude eyes had betrayed
To the promises that all been said

The likeness in your eyes as a sight
Speak thy oath, and I’m satisfied
Darkness stares as if it was blind
In ferrous cages, barren cold at night
Then my love couldn’t hit the mark

Are you still there? Pronounce my name then
And I’ll sacrifice anything for a man
Certain times when you mention I’m mad
But my beloved, that non-believer mouth, makes me sad
And I’m yours until the very end

And I’m yours until the very end

I had written it back in the days i was 16

So this one can sound childis or might have grammar mistakes

So keep that in mind and excuse me

Ahaha thanks! This made my day

And i have written a new one (usually i write poems but they are in my room, written on sheets) for my 18th birthday and i can send it too! It’s not more poetic but i reckon that i made myself more clear & the meanings i put behing every single word is just simply apply for me

[kind reef]

Love the first stanza

[heady nova]

More than okay!

[kind reef]

And reference of a location!

[kind reef]

This is literally better than any poetry I would have the patience to do and better than most people I know.

[heady nova]

Ahahah i came across with an article about the castle and it was a legend about the knight who was too greedy and spoiled for his own good. And the guy i had written this song about had just moved the netherlands and the knight and the guy shared quite similarities so thats why i added that!

[kind reef]

A Dutch knight was too greedy?

I'm surprised he wasn't BRITISH

[heady nova]

I honestly dont know that was just how i read in the article

[heady nova]

AHAHHAHAHAHA

[kind reef]

I looked it up apparently it's a castle in the Netherlands

I assumed you were Dutch as well

[heady nova]

No no im not! Im turkish though

[kind reef]

There are so many Turks in this server I should expect that before anything haha

But yeah when THEY wake up I'm sure they'll take me for a crumpet

Depends on the variety but generally yeah @lofty bough

[pure hearth]

English can be understood through tough thorough thought, though.

[lofty bough]

@pure hearth I see you conveyed your thought mostly by "apt alliteration's artful aid", though.

[pure hearth]

You won't believe me... I just saw a kitten eating chicken in the kitchen

[lofty bough]

@pure hearth But I have not in my house such non-vegetarian, virgin vermin that violate rules to vaunt of the vituperation and violence I treat them with.

[rigid harbor]

Can you can a canned can into an un-canned can like a canner can can a canned can into an un-canned can?

[lofty bough]

No, but do not twist your tongue with tongue twisters

[amber elbow]

i can can-can if that works

[devout walrus]

I thought this channel was for proofreading... Seems more like a channel for tongue twisters 😂

[lofty bough]

@devout walrus You should check into the previous messages. Contexts do change.

[lofty bough]

@hot ocean what happened, man?

[heady nova]

https://tenor.com/view/my-brain-died-russdaddy-lost-too-many-brain-cells-i-was-braindead-i-spaced-out-gif-22200580

[heady nova]

if u will not judge my application then please proofread, just check the grammar

Dear Fast University Administration,
My ARN is 2302125
I am bro. I had applied for admission to your university at the Karachi campus. Unfortunately, I didn't get admission, but I would like to know my aggregate as per your calculation. According to my own calculation, it was around 65%. Additionally, I would also appreciate knowing the cut-off percentage for admission.
Besides these inquiries, I have some other questions which I will list below:

1. Is it possible for me to secure admission if any of the selected students do not take up their offered seats, leaving some vacancies?
2. While I didn't get admission in the three fields I initially selected, is there any possibility of getting admission in any other computer field with my current aggregate?
3. Are there any other opportunities to take admission in your university this year, which would give me a chance to perform much better in the semester?
4. IF nothing is attainable, then could you please tell me from which universities I can transfer to your university next year; or transferring is applicable to all universities?
5. Will you be accepting NTS scores next year, or will there be any other admissions opening during this year?
6. Considering the admission period falls before the release of my Intermediate exam results, I won't have an improved result before your 2024 entry test even if I reappear in the exams next year. In this case, is there anything I can do to address this situation?
   I would be grateful if you could take a moment to consider my application and reply with the best options available given the circumstances.
   Sincerely,
   my name

[lofty bough]

Everything is fine, save that "I am bro" which I cannot understand, no matter how hard I try to.

[heady nova]

is just my name there

i sensored it

@lofty bough hey bro can u suggest me SUBJECT of this application

i am sending on GMAIL

[lofty bough]

I think it can be "Regarding some major questions on the scope of admission."

[heady nova]

ok

thanks

[harsh estuary]

Hello hello there, is there anyone to whom i can DM to paraphrase an essay, if that person make that advanced level. 🐝

[elder bear]

Is there a formal term or a polite synonym to deaf person/people, I felt like the word is condescending and I'm trying to write a research paper regarding such topic

[safe rose]

Deaf can be used politely

there isn’t another word to replace that

At least not better than the word “deaf”

[hot ocean]

hearing impaired?

Slightly more formal and polite than deaf, but only really by connotation. We often use "are you deaf?" teasingly, but the actual word should still be fine in academia.

[lofty bough]

Hearing-impaired, hard of hearing.

[fair summit]

Soundly-Disabled is use a lot in Manchester, deaf most of the time though.

[worldly folio]

Hearing disabilities

I am going through hearing disabilities

But yes you can also use hearing impaired

[hot ocean]

Hearing-disabled would likely be better when referring to full hearing loss individuals. hearing impaired is a bit more broad, so I agree.

[glad palm]

Hello, My name is tuğçe. I am from Turkey. I attended this studying group. Which books do you advice for reading

[odd dock]

Hello, im reading Sandford Meisner, its about acting. Its great😎

[heady nova]

im studying for the First Cambridge exam and I wrote an essay about pollution

Every country in the world struggles with pollution and enviromental damage. However, I believe some measures can be taken in order to reduce toxic waste that damages our planet.
Many vehicles produce damage to the air by the release of toxic gasses. My take on this is to go electrical: make vehicles powered by batteries rather than oil.
Many rivers and seas are contaminated daily by the disposal of waste from humans and factories. The only viable solution I can think of is to educate the younger generation to recycle instead of throwing things to the sea.
Lastly, I wanna talk about vegetarism. The meat industry leaves a huge carbon footprint in our planet and in the future we may have to switch to plant-based diets in order to stop damaging our planet.
In conclusion: Our planet is being destroyed due to the global contamination. We have to switch to electrical cars, vegetarian diets and a pro-enviromental education, for the wellbeing of our world.

(170 words, the limit is 180)

[zealous rivet]

• First, I would change "produce damage" to "cause damage" and "by the release" to "by releasing"
• Change "I wanna" to "I'd also like to talk about" or "I would also like to touch on" or plain old "I want to talk about _____ as well." Wanna is an informal term and would probably get you points off of a paper.
• Last sentence looks really good! I would say that you should change it to "For the wellbeing of our world, it's important we switch to _____" Hope that doesn't add too many words, but if it does, just cut it down to "we need to switch to"
• Try "Our planet is being destroyed due to global contamination"

Otherwise, you've written a pretty good essay! Nice job! :D

[heady nova]

you're the best, hope you have a great day

[spare cobalt]

I think the word limit was kind of broaden to the number of 190. At least it's said like that in my FCE course book.

Yeah, it was

[spare cobalt]

Anyway, still too little for me

[zealous rivet]

no prob! always here to help

[devout walrus]

I would remove "However" because you're not exactly contradicting with the previous statement so there's no reason for that to be there, or at least I would replace it with something better.
Replace the "can" by "should" and damages by "is damaging. As in, "I believe some measures should be taken in order to reduce toxic waste that is damaging our planet".
The spelling of gases is written wrong, which you should correct.

Change the "are contaminated" to "are being contaminated"
Use "into" instead of "to" in the statement "The only viable solution I can think of is to educate the younger generation to recycle instead of throwing things to the sea"

It should be "large carbon print on our planet" instead of "in our planet"

and one other one I noticed while reading it again was that "make vehicles powered by batteries rather than oil." should either be changed to "make vehicles that are powered by batteries rather than oil" or "make vehicles run on batteries rather than oil"

[polar flicker]

hi I'm new here and I wrote a speech describing an object in my house I'm not done yet but I wanted to check how it is so far:

Good morning, everyone. Today I'll be talking about a unique object in my house. It’s golden-brown in colour .It’s very shiny but still has a matte finish. It stays in the dining room. It's opened by pressing down on the top and closed by pushing it back down, but it's not used for anything special. It has six little squares, and every square has a picture in it, and I feel like they have stories behind them, three of the squares have fish and the other three have food. I wanted to talk about it today because I find it very interesting and unique, and I feel like it has a story behind it. Even though it might not be the only one of its kind, I still find it very special. Not only does it have a unique look to it, but it also works in a unique way. I'm not quite sure what it is made of, but it does have a very beautiful texture and feel to it. All the fish on the object have textured scales on them, it’s very beautifully detailed, you wouldn’t think something so unique would be used for something so simple. Can you guess what it is? It’s a toothpick holder! Even though it's such a simple object its always the first thing I notice when I get into the house

[devout walrus]

One other arguable thing I noticed in your essay was the statement "The only viable solution I can think of is to educate the younger generation to recycle instead of throwing things into the sea"

Most of us today don't exactly throw stuff into the sea ourselves... We only throw it in the bin, it is actually the people after that who're actually responsible for throwing things into the sea

So instead of writing that we should educate our youth to recycle things instead of throwing them into sea, something like "governments should impose strict policies in this regard to ensure that no trash is thrown into the sea" would do better over here

[devout walrus]

It's a very good speech

However, one thing I noticed immediately after reading it was that you've mentioned that it may not be the only one of its kind, but then you also say that it has a unique look to it and also works in a unique way, and later on in the speech you also go so far as to say that it's unique as a whole

The first statement and the latter ones contradict each other

[polar flicker]

tysm how would you suggest i change it too

[heady nova]

Is this a good place to proofread poetry?

[safe rose]

yup!

[heady nova]

Okay, here goes

lol

I guess I'll just share the google doc

[uncut junco]

Greetings, let us introduce ourselves. My name is … and hers/his is …
I would like to preface this presentation by asking a question: "Natural disasters have always been a thing for millennia, so they are being overlooked, right?" Probably not, I would say. Environmental problems like natural disasters and climate change might seem trivial, so the majority of people are still apathetic. Conversely, they will soon become a catastrophic threat to our planet. So, here is how all of us should take action in order not to exacerbate or even cease the growing tendency of natural disasters permanently.
We can define natural disasters as abrupt and abnormal events of nature that cause damage to properties and lives, such as floods, hurricanes, earthquakes, et cetera. Earth has been notoriously impacted by them for years, but in recent decades, they have deteriorated and become more frequent and devastating.
Climate change refers to long-term shifts in temperatures and weather patterns. It was caused by a phenomenon called "the Greenhouse effect," created by harmful gasses (carbon dioxide, methane, etc.) in the atmosphere. They are trapping substantial heat from the Sun and warming up the Earth and can be held accountable for most natural disasters.

For example, ice melting causes global floods; intense heat droughts can be observed globally; and such destructive outcomes are caused by the Greenhouse effect.
Therefore, climate change and natural disasters are closely related. Natural disasters still exist since everyone hasn't considerably contributed much to the environment, even though they are often treacherous to humans and other creatures on Earth. The consequences include animal habitat loss, the lives and health of humans and animals threatened, poverty and industrial difficulties, economic and social disruptions, and environmental destruction. Hence, every person must take responsibility for the environment by doing something beneficial to prevent or even eradicate climate change, which will then reduce the overtaken number of natural disasters each year.

What should people do, then? Based on our experiences and some conducted research we’ve read before, here is an acronym for how things should be done:
M.A.P.S.O: Mitigation Adaptation Preparation Solidarity Observation :
+) Mitigation: All of us are strongly advised to try to diminish the greenhouse gas emissions that cause climate change by using renewable energy, driving fuel-efficient or electric vehicles, following the 3R’s rule (reuse, reduce, recycle), stopping deforestation, as well as using eco-friendly products, and thus.
+) Adaptation: Adapting and learning how to cope with climate change is one of the foremost actions every single one of us can take. We can try improving our preparedness, resilience, and response to natural disasters, apprehending the problems well to minimize damage to people and properties; Developing forecasting systems, and implementing state policies to deal with natural disasters and climate change;... In addition, it is necessary to conduct quality checks of residential areas to ensure the safety of citizens.
+) Preparation: When natural disasters are yet to come, preparation is paramount. Everyone will have to endure the lethal calamity with survival knowledge and skills. Moreover, the combination of capricious events and a cantankerous mind can detrimentally affect your health. Ergo, here is the instruction for surviving natural disasters:
*Inspect, repair, and reinforce houses. Safe places to hide should be identified in advance.
*Stock up on items like food and beverages, medicines, survival tools (torches, clothes, first aid kit,..) in case of emergency.
*Cut and prune trees to avoid them being uprooted and causing injuries during a disaster.
*Keep an eye on the forecasts of disasters, and comply with the instructions and commands of the government.
*Keep calm and always be vigilant.

+) Solidarity: Cooperation is part and parcel of preventing natural disasters and climate change. Consequently, environmental advocates should educate and inform others about the overview of natural disasters and climate change, the severity of the current situation, and give them a convincing reason to join and take action.
+) Observation: Personally speaking, observing abnormal signs is also one of the best ways to detect and prepare for imminent disasters. We can identify storms or tsunamis based on ocean tides and waves. Great waves with curved tides rising and falling rapidly with half the frequency of normal ones can be typical but must be cautioned because it can likely be one of the signs of an upcoming storm. Additionally, don’t forget to keep track of the surroundings to detect any anomalies. Moreover, relying on the unusual signs of animals can help you predict natural disasters, such as domestic ants and spiders starting moving in swarms, farm animals suddenly being unreasonably anxious, birds moving eggs out of their nests,... Furthermore, abnormal shapes of clouds can be accurate in recognizing a disaster.

Annually, people living in central Vietnam have to overcome flash floods and severe storms which destroy many buildings, leading to countless deaths. Not just central Vietnam, however, all parts of Vietnam can be flooded mainly due to extreme cases of deforestation. Surprisingly, even Da Lat, a mountainous region in Vietnam, was observed to be heavily flooded in mid-July this year. Although the government of Vietnam has started organizing events about natural disasters and climate change, many are still partaking in reprehensible activities which threaten nature.
The perfect breeding ground for climate change and natural disasters is the avarice of defiant people. Environmental aftermaths of illicit activities are heavily influencing not just people in Vietnam, but also people from developed countries like Turkey. At the beginning of 2023, Turkish people suffered a brutal form of earthquake, which resulted in over 55 thousand deaths. The consequence of the earthquakes was negatively enhanced due to untrue accommodation assertions of previous owners.

To avert environmental-related crimes, other than sanctioning people for their wrongdoings harsher, we should also focus more on raising awareness about climate change. One method governments can try is to create a trend, specifically aimed at people from younger generations. Current propagandas are proven to be extremely effective. If possible, governments should also consider starting recycling programs in exchange for money, installing free solar batteries in buildings and compost machines in public places.
In summary, climate change, if not improved, will worsen natural disasters and make Earth unlivable. Therefore, everyone should give more attention to the environment. Raising awareness, explaining to others why joining the mission of sustaining our beloved planet, actively consoling people from disaster-affected areas is needed. Unarguably, we can’t utterly stop climate change, but there are ways to limit it.

I'm going to make a speech about natural disasters and climate change. Here's my script to prepare for it. Please help me check it and shorten it if you can. Thank you

[vagrant turret]

Before I start critiquing the speech, I want to know what angle you want to go for. Are you going for an informative approach, or a more interactive speech? Do you intend on memorising or reading off all of this text? Just by scanning through the text, some of the formatting makes this speech look targeted more towards screen reading rather than towards actual speech — unless you've done that specifically for our readability, in which case I'll ignore.

[candid dust]

Hi, Im a year 10 student and need to write and intertextual essay with comparison of two texts. My essay is focusing on comparing the two texts in terms of how they each portrayed the definition of monstrosity in 3 contexts. I am structuring the essay to focus on each contextual definitions per paragraph. Can somone please provide me with some feedback on the quality and perhaps shortening words?

The monster in Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein and Scaramouche in Hoyoverse’s Story Teaser: A Divine Will | Genshin Impact are similarly defined as monsters by their perspectives as they both tried to incorporate ‘humanity’ in their lives at the start and became ‘monstrous’ in the end. The incorporation of human behaviour in Frankenstein is seen when the monster was observing a family and trying to learn what influenced their actions. This is supported by when he says ‘What chiefly struck me was the gentle manners of these people; and I longed to join them, but dared not. I remembered too well the treatment I had suffered the night before from the barbarous villagers, and resolved, whatever course of conduct I might remain quietly in my hovel, watching, and endeavouring to discover the motives which influenced their actions.’

The hyperbolic dialogue ‘What chiefly struck me was the gentle manners of these people’ conveyed that the monster was intrigued by how the individuals he observed treated each other: with love and kindness which in this context defines humanity. At the end of the quote where the monster expresses that he wants to ‘discover the motives which influenced their actions’, a slightly ambitious tone can be noticed that expresses his attempt towards incorporating humanity into his life as in this situation, he wants to understand why the people he observed treated each other with sincerity.

In comparison to Frankenstein, while Scaramouche in Story Teaser: A Divine Will | Genshin Impact did not show clear evidence of trying to understand humans, he did build friendships with two human individuals which can be interpreted as incorporation of humanity. This is under the condition that humanity was defined as following the common nature of humans by developing relationships involving trust and/or through vulnerability. However, these friendships ended with the death of a friend and the rejection from the other friend as he saw Scaramouche as ‘an abomination’. These experiences of Scaramouche became a root cause of his development of hatred and critical judgement towards humanity which is directly confessed when he says ‘Humans…they can’t be trusted.’. The experiences made him feel as if his trust was betrayed due to the emotional torment faced at the end of his friendships.

This is seen in the teaser when Scaramouche witnesses the sight of his friend dead on the ground and his reflective narration expresses his emotions through dialogue as ‘Powerless before his mortality, he broke his promise to me’ which expresses his judgement of viewing mortality as a weakness while it is a trait of humans. The promise Scaramouche refers to is the promise his friend made to him which was to not die. Due to this, it can also be interpreted as a symbol of life which was broken at the end due to the death of his friend. During this scene, an eye-level shot of Scaramouche is shown to clearly show his expression change when he sees the situation. The variant definition of monstrosity in the context of character and perception between Frankenstein and Story Teaser: A Divine Will | Genshin Impact is subjective. However, in summary, Scaramouche and Frankenstein’s monster define monstrosity characteristically as simply having a different nature to humans and perhaps additionally judging humans as antagonistic creatures.

it is definitely a lot for one paragraph........

[sinful spruce]

ok i think you've written too much, it might be over the word limit

[frigid phoenix]

that is an essay

[frigid phoenix]

punctuation isn't great all around which makes it a little hard to tell your elaboration in certain areas

use " for quotations

the vocab is really good though, i don't have anything on that

[candid dust]

I live in Australia so we use single quotations marks and double for something like a quote within a quote. Teachers didn’t say I had any punctuation issues (there might be small ones that I would have noticed after proofreading).

[candid dust]

Ok, thank u :>

[candid dust]

Lots of exemplars given to us had large paragraphs to include more analysis 😅

[candid dust]

Yes, the whole essay overall would definitely be over the word limit. However my teachers didn’t advise me to cut down on words because of the elements of my analysis.

[frigid phoenix]

oh really yall do that ?
anyway by some punctuation errors it's mainly stuff like your commas and periods in and out of quotation being wrong (at least by american standards)
there was also something but i cant find it because its a wall of text lol

[candid dust]

Oh oops

Ya that’s a mistake lol

[sinful spruce]

Hello everyone, I just want ur opinions on the short story which i've written
It would be nice if u would advice me on everything which i've missed in my story

[safe rose]

I’m an Aussie and I lowkey didn’t know LOL-

[candid dust]

Lol it’s ok, it’s pretty flexible as long as it’s consistent

I am just aware traditionally, it is written like that

[heady nova]

all the British or ex British colonies are like that I think

except america

🔫🔫🔫🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🏈🏈

[sinful spruce]

aren't u of indian origin?

[candid dust]

Yes, but I live in Australia

[viral cipher]

Who's interested in writing articles 📰 ? Send me a message.

[round osprey]

not bad, but it’s better if the words are arranged in more passive and explicit manner. since you are writing a short and presumably fast paced story, you should avoid mentioning trivial details and divert attention to the central theme or subject/topic; try to avoid any superfluous details in my opinion. nice though

[flat jay]

reviews please 🥰👇

[hazy dome]

Hi, I've got a question and I want to confirm I'm not crazy. I write articles for Canadian moving companies and I'm interested in which sentence you people think is more sensible and has more meaning in English

1. "As soon as movers and packers Toronto have an offer for you, take a moment to envision your life in Vancouver"
2. "As soon as the movers and packers Toronto has to offer unpack the last box in your home, you should start exploring your new neighborhood"

The phrase "movers and packers Toronto" has to stay exactly as it is and can't be changed, so please ignore it and focus on the rest of the sentences. I don't need explanations as to why you think 1 or 2, I just want to see what you think makes more sense

[frigid phoenix]

2nd is just wrong

"movers and packers toronto has to offer unpack the last box"

what

[hazy dome]

RIGHT?

[round osprey]

Both sentences have grammatical errors

[hazy dome]

True they do

Have instead of has but whatever

The point is what I care about

2 just doesn't make any sense whichever way you look at it

[frigid phoenix]

i have to say 1 because 2 isn't really legible

[hazy dome]

And it was suggested to me by my mentor 💀. Talk about illiterate

[frigid phoenix]

damn she did you dirty

[hazy dome]

She*

But yeah

I'm thinking of a nice way to tell her that she has absolutely no right to complain about my phrasing when she suggested that abominable of a sentence but I can't seem to find it

[frigid phoenix]

be a true native and say "no offense, but [the most offensive thing you can think of]"

[hazy dome]

Bro I don't wanna get fired 💀💀💀

[frigid phoenix]

you said no offense itll be fine fr

[hot ocean]

It's legible

[hazy dome]

Definitely

[hot ocean]

It's just weird

[hazy dome]

What is?

[hot ocean]

You have to read it with a different cadence and it makes sense

[hazy dome]

The second one?

[hot ocean]

Yes

[frigid phoenix]

ok right it's legible btw but it took me a hot minute to figure out what it was tryna say

[hot ocean]

yeah exactly lol

[hazy dome]

That shit's going on an official site. I don't plan on making it complicated and then blamed for it because my mentor barely knows the language

[hot ocean]

definitely wouldn't say something so ambiguous tho

it feels like it's missing the word "best" though

"can" also seems more appropriate than should, unless it's referring to directions you need to take.

personally, I feel like it should be written as:

"As soon as the best movers and packers that Toronto has to offer finish unpacking the last box in your home, you can start exploring your new neighborhood."

[flat jay]

excuse me?! crazyy ignore 😨😰👆

[sinful spruce]

thx for the review, but the reason why I included everything in the beginning was to build up the base of the story, climbing up the mountain gradually. After that, since the story is a thriller, there was a step fall to the plot twist. Anyways, thx once again, will definitely improve and work upon all the points u mentioned🙏

[heady nova]

yeah it's fine

[flat jay]

tf

😭

[heady nova]

?

[flat jay]

whats "fine"

[heady nova]

it's all correct?

[vapid leaf]

Can someone help me with this English assignment I have? I need to make a few changes based on the teacher's feedback.

[worldly folio]

Yeah I can help yoy with your assignment,I mean if you want😀

[desert mango]

Heyyy guys. I'm Rin. Majors in English Literature, so hit me up anytime if you need help with English projects, assignments etc. I'd be happy to help ya!

[woeful moth]

thinks Rin

[glad acorn]

Hi guys. I was scanning this thread. I guess "movers and packers Toronto" is a name of a company. Am I wrong? If so, It should be properly capitalized to help the reader understand the sentence.

I was able to understand a first glance the first statement, though it has a tiny grammtical error with have instead of has

[warm bloom]

c c

[magic kraken]

is anybody ok with proofreading half a page or nah

it's a little more than that

but not too much

[gaunt reef]

Uh yeah send it here I'll see how it is

[cedar flare]

nice to meet you, Rin

[magic kraken]

ok i'll dm u

[nimble creek]

Hi everyone

[ocean jay]

if someone needs some help with their homework in anything, beep me up

i'll try to help if I have time

just not math lol

[coarse adder]

Hello guys I'm looking for a language-learning partner, I'm fluent in Arabic and Kurdish, trying to improve my English and Russian if you have a similar goal we can help each other.

[heady nova]

Who are you

[cyan kelp]

Hiiiiiiiiiiiiii

[stoic turtle]

I'm... not sure if I rewrote this message correctly from one of my TOs; I had to do that job within 20 minutes:

I really want to express my gratitude to all staff members who pitched in for TETR.IO Cup East 2, also known as "Pianoforte." For those who don't know the origin of the event, this event, coincidentally enough, marks the 1st anniversary of the Pianoforte series. It is beyond my expectation, therefore, that this tournament series, which had a humble beginning as Stacking Arena's monthly open tournament series, has now become a major tournament acknowledged by top-tier TETR.IO players around the world with banner advertisements and badges - all of which I have never thought that it would ever be possible.
As the one who coined the idea of this tournament series, I am really looking forward to this tournament series going places just like any renowned tournament series hosted by major TO communities such as Puzzle Kingdom, Underdogs Cup and many more. Again, thanks a bunch to all the staff members and players who made this unforgettable moment in my life.

The original article goes like this below, for your note:

i want to say thank you so much about piano forte 1st annervsery for touranment . the most of than ,
i hope to 2nd 3rd annyversery etc . together entire to the famous world
and one ago i said i hope to become pianoforte badge but now is yes! it's right ! i reached become pianoforte badge
thank you for with play pianoforte! i'm so impressive!
what a nice best of legend match.
pianoforte opener -afreecatv_chy

[limber topaz]

A vast improvement. Couldn't see any obvious issues on a quick read through.

[serene iron]

could someone please proof read this if they want

[limber topaz]

?

[stoic turtle]

I think they're referring to the original message written by one of my tournament organisers(TO)...
(Yes, for your clearance, I didn't write the original message.)

[limber topaz]

🙅‍♀️ofc. That makes total sense. Why couldn't i think of that. 🧜‍♀️

And clearance is granted.

[normal fractal]

Hi everyone I am new here i help students with discussion problems please check out my profile also my dm is open

[limber topaz]

How much will it cost?

[lime grove]

is it free ?

[normal fractal]

@lime grove sure

[heady nova]

Hi, if anyone has the time, can you please proofread my essay for me? It's composed of 1724 words. Feel free to comment on anything, but there are a few specific aspects I'm not entirely sure I did right:

• Tenses. Here, I talk about a school I used to attend, but I decided to use the present tense in describing it because that experience is still fairly recent, plus it's not like the school's gone or anything (and still exists in pretty much the same state as described in the essay). But I used the past tense when relating specific moments or experiences when I was still studying in that school.
• "Every hour or so, an airplane takes off, and the sound of the engine is so close and loud that it feels as if the thing were flying right over your head." Not sure if I should've used "was flying" or "is flying"
• "Most of the stuff they use are recycled..." Grammarly keeps correcting me and says that I should use "is" here instead of "are". Is it right?

I would be really really grateful

[winged haven]

"-and the sound of the engine is so close and loud that it feels as if the thing were flying right over your head."
Changing from 'the thing' to simply 'it' works better here.

"The lake is teeming with garbage, so when the wind strikes in the building's direction, it stinks."
Changing 'strikes in the building's direction' to 'blows in the direction of the building' makes more sense in this sentence.

"Most of the stuff they use are recycled..."
Changing 'are' to 'is' would be more appropriate as Grammarly had suggested.

The tenses are also fine here, I see no problem with it.

[heady nova]

@winged haven thank you so much

[winged haven]

No problem, if you have any other questions, I'd be happy to help.

[limber topaz]

Feels as if it was flying right overhead.

[limber topaz]

Use is. Stuff is one of those words that while describing things, is actually describing a single "collection" of things. The 'is' refers to the collection (stuff) and not the things.

Did you remove text from your essay?

[heady nova]

Do we really not use "were" form of "to be" regardless of the number of the subject? Weird, i thought that was the case when using the subjunctive mood...
I got it, all my life i'd thought "stuff" is plural lol
No, i didnt remove any text, i removed the link because i thought nobody else was going to give any input and i felt kinda uncomfy leaving my essay in public

https://english.stackexchange.com/questions/55279/tenses-after-as-if

Top voted answer

Not sure how reliable this one is though

[limber topaz]

Use were if taking about multiple planes. You are taking about a single instance of a plane overhead that is why it is 'was'

It was, they were

[limber topaz]

I was thrown by the 'the thing'. As subjunctive mood.

"As if it were flying overhead' is fine. However it is a potentially dying mood, with the forms i mentioned above taking over in general conversational use.

(although I'm probably using it all the time, without thinking, because I'm weirdly olde fashioned)🙅‍♀️

[heady nova]

I got it

Thanks for your input

[stuck robin]

What is difference between old and olde?

[sand tide]

? define magazine

[winged haven]

Both have the same definition, except that 'Olde' is a more archaic way of writing 'Old', usually used in the names of bars or other such places.

[limber topaz]

Olde is the old was to write old. Ye olde inn.

[tall sinew]

What is the greatest compliment you have ever been given? Why was it meaningful to
you? (200 words)

When I arrived at the nursing home during the winter for the first time, I noticed an elderly woman with Parkinson’s. I was scheduled to play the piano for the seniors, and while waiting for more seniors to arrive, I played a few Christmas carols from memory to lighten the mood; the woman’s face lit up, and started singing along. I was delighted to make her happier.

Observing how excited the people were when I played the songs before the performance, I asked for music recommendations at the end, to learn and play the next time I arrived. I found out that the old lady grew up listening to Nat King Cole, whose best-selling album ‘The Magic of Christmas’ was the cause of her excitement when I played the Christmas songs. A Scottish elder recommended the folk song Auld Lang Syne.

When I returned during the new year, with the new repertoire prepared, the seniors were animated. Although they were confined to wheelchairs, their spirits were boundless. The uplifting power of music motivated me to expand the initiative, and I created a program for more young musicians to perform at senior homes and hospitals.

the analysis from my university application mentor of the topic was that you have to demonstrate how the compliment made you excel. I somewhat tried doing that with the parkinson's lady and the reputation i built/the program

p.s. i'm not actually applying to notre dame i'm just a high school freshman

[real robin]

"I am sleepless, exhausted beyond measure and human understanding - but I am more so, sleepless. No, I could sleep - I want to sleep. Though, a deep ice cold feeling is taking over me, shaking my muscles and bones to a deep-seated rhythm. It all stems from a single question, a thought - a simple observation. I would be cut down amidst hundreds of others, and I would not be mourned. Perhaps, I would've been, a long time ago. Now - I would be just, gone. I am sleepless, by your will."

I'd like critique on my short passages, I believe they're called "Vignettes". Thank you in advance.

[ruby trail]

looks great. 👍

[gentle thorn]

is it correct ?
Really sorry for that!
I've been too busy and tired for the past week
I was just lying in bed, texting a friend and suddenly i fall asleep in the middle of our conversation lmao
And my mom didn't wake me up

[limber topaz]

That was long ago. On another topic, do we call you "Tablets of the 10 Commandments?"

[gentle thorn]

What ?

[gentle thorn]

I'm a Ghost 👻

Peo peo

[heavy raft]

sounds more like a laser gun

[heady nova]

check request

''it seems as though i have fallen into a bit of a pickle, through a trickle of events. it is so that one cannot call and be called simultaneously. i blabber as i go where i otherwise don't have much to show. in theravada buddhism one must think and not think. cartilage is quite soft and tough but at the same time adequently tough. i prospect i furthering of my carrier. prospecting for gold. it helps to be more aduequent in order to restore understanding or some understanding''

[limber topaz]

Capitalize first letter in each sentence. Capitalize "I". Capitalize Theravada and Bhuddism.

The use of prospect as a verb meaning look forward to is rare, I would suggest the sentence should read as "I prospect the furthering of my career, prospecting for gold" . Carrier should be career. Adequate (spelling).

[heady nova]

thank you so much Peo! 😍

[heady nova]

Check request

Belarus smugglers are trafficking migrants at the Poland border. Current facing problem for international comunity I ve heard about is the tough forests around there being spread of unknown corpses. Although very interesting from a reaserching perspective, it is not really feasible to be looked further into than just by playing it by ear

[limber topaz]

Belarus smugglers are trafficking migrants at the Polish border. I've heard that the current problem facing the international community is that the dense forests around there are concealing the corpses of a large number of victims of the traffickers. Although very interesting from a research perspective, it is not really feasible to be looked into further, given only the anecdotal evidence.

@heady nova

[heady nova]

Precious. Thanks so much

[real robin]

"We'll meet again, don't know where, don't know when - but we'll meet again."```

I'd like some critique on my passage, if anyone would do the honors, please.

Thank you in advance.

[harsh quail]

Brilliant.

[shrewd meadow]

I would say the only thing I would change is "losing all but few of them" is put "a" after "but". It makes it more dramatic and I feel this is kind of my taste in my writing and it's not necessary if you feel it fits the context of the emotion you want to convey. Other than that I'm blown away of how phenomenal this is!!

[real robin]

Thank you, I agree with the correction, I'm pretty certain it needs to be that way.

[real robin]

“In the brief moment when the moon and sun bicker over who loves who more, I’ll sneak under the moonlight sonata and write my rapt and praise to you. Though for a brief moment before I have to flee as the two giantesses above us conclude their bickering love quarrel, evidence of a beautiful damsel will continue to survive, in the form of letters filled with praise and devotion, hidden underneath your closed, foggy window.”

Hello, I’d like the usual critique of my writing, thank you in advance.

[heady nova]

Check request

Although Italy 's one of the most proven country by migration, it s the most inclusive European one. Migrants have highest chances of getting asylum and access to all kind of social benefits anyway, included a daily fee, internet connection and free academic reserved courses, by law.
I m available to research for the veridicity of the poll, which I wouldn't really trust it prima facie, since the government is a rightwing populist one. Still, civil society is firmly oriented in supporting migrants, from academies to bureaucracies.
There is no significant impact on migrants committing crimes, neither moral nor due to wellbeing life perspectives

[heady nova]

Hello @heady nova are you here at the moment?

Yes mate!

I did have a lot of comments to make on your passage 👀

if that's what you're looking for 😎

Yes

It is

Absolutely

You did a really good job for the most part but there are quite a few instances I had noticed that were a bit odd

It just hurt me cus I published it already. But I ll edit hoping no one to notice 😂 Furthermore I m learning a lot by your corrections

Honestly it s allowing me to improve really quickly I wouldn't know how to thank properly

[heady nova]

Which ones, go on 🙂

I am ready hahah

L

thanks robot

Fr

fine then i will break it down into individual messages 🙄

most proven country by migration
didn't know what you meant by "proven"

Migrants have highest chances of getting asylum
Migrants have the highest chance of being granted asylum

and access to all kind of social benefits anyway
and access to all kinds of social benefits by law,
included a daily fee
Including* - and a fee would not be considered a benefit - probably need to look for a different word
internet connection and free academic reserved courses, by law.
internet connection, and free academic reserved courses.

[heady nova]

Worn out

I ll change it with it is it fine now?

veridicity
this is not a word

which I wouldn't really trust it prima facie, since the government
most people would probably say "at face value" instead of "prima facie"
there doesn't need to be a comma before since

Okay okay

Still, civil society is firmly oriented in supporting migrants, from academies to bureaucracies.
the second comma is a little weird

that's the last one

I think

How would you change it

I feel like you could replace the comma with a colon but I'm not entirely sure about it? I just know that the comma is not quite what most people would use there

that or changing the ENTIRE sentence to like
"Still, academies and bureaucracies are still firmly oriented in supporting migrants."

[heady nova]

This made me laugh 😂

lol I mean I just remember looking at it and i'm like

this is just simply not a word

so the note I made was just

this is not a word

I gotta appreciate the introduction you did a really good job

😂 thanks mate I am still editing and studying it, it ll require me time

Well, all things considered I have to make it known that it still makes sense even if there are some weird moments

Even if it can trip up some non-notive speakers, it's still coherent even if it has grammar mistakes, which means you still did good 👍

You wrote better than some people that are quite literally adults

And supposed to be native english speakers

oh wait hold on a moment

[heady nova]

Still, from academies to bureaucracies, civil society is firmly oriented in supporting migrants.

There is no significant impact on migrants committing crimes, neither moral nor due to wellbeing life perspectives
There is no significant punishment for migrants committing crimes; neither moral nor effects on their well-being.

Perfect 👍

the order is important for sure

[heady nova]

I didn't want to say punishment. I used the term impact because the guy (which s very respectful), implied migrants were provoked by life conditions to commit crimes

Okay I see

Impact feels like a weird word to use but it's not like horribly incorrect it's just slightly awkward in my opinion

There is no condition pushing migrants to commit crimes

[heady nova]

Got it

[heady nova]

I feel like my brain is working at 50% at that nighttime I'm coming to solutions so slowly I need to sleep 😂

It's fine. It still makes sense and most people will understand it, it's just that I don't think it's a word I would use there when it comes to the words you used to describe the impact.

It's not wrong it's just I wouldn't do it, and I'm not exactly an oracle of all things english, so I wouldn't worry about it too much.

[heady nova]

Well for me you are 😂

I will say though that

wellbeing life perspectives
isn't something really anyone I know would say

[heady nova]

I removed it and changed it with that

Wait wait

hm

That s the final test I published
(I'm being awake till you keep editing it)
Sorry if I had to add some part without consulting you didn't want to stress too much

Albeit Italy is worn out by migration, it s the most inclusive European country.
Migrants have the highest chance of being granted asylum and access to all kind of social benefits by law,
Including free academic reserved courses.
Available to investigate it, I wouldn't really trust that poll prima facie since the government is a rightwing populist one.
Still, from academies to bureaucracies, civil society is firmly oriented in supporting migrants.
There is no condition pushing migrants to commit crimes.
Nonetheless, even if the poll might be overdoing it, the "country attitude towards women" and the said "cultural rift" are not correct informations. Just consider major parties leaders are women and,
according to the constitutional court, there have been cases of reversed discrimination as well.
We can always do better, of course, fighting against cultural biases which might be impeding in the long run.

[heady nova]

That's okay if you made some corrections without me. That's part of learning is attempting to correct things by yourself and learning how or why they're correct or not.

Albeit
Use although instead

Available to investigate it
Having investigated it myself
prima facie
while not incorrect, most people will not know what it means.
There is no condition pushing migrants to commit crimes.
The sentence itself is kind of out of place now. I feel like the examples you had from before worked well here

oh boy

uh

hm

Let me use prima facie 😂 it s latin they can look in dictionary it s fine

Afterall I'm Italian 😂😂

Hey it's not wrong

I'm just saying

Yes got it mate no worries you re right they would understand it better

usually the only time latin is used in english is when there is no better english alternative

but as far as I know prima facie has an english equivelant

Honestly probably sometimes you use it like we do in judiciary contexts to just sound a bit more savvy

Isn't it ?

The way lawyers speak is like 50% latin lmao

So stupid

Very.

I'm talking as a lawyer

They do it intentionally to make themselves sound smart

it's very pointless

That s it

yes

That's why you need a degree to be a lawyer 😎

it's because you need to literally know latin

i'm kidding lol

anyway

Nonetheless, even if the poll might be overdoing it, the "country attitude towards women" and the said "cultural rift" are not correct informations. Just consider major parties leaders are women and, according to the constitutional court, there have been cases of reversed discrimination as well.
I don't understand this sentence very well.

[heady nova]

oh wait you're a lawyer? lol I don't know why I just glossed over that

I m just graduated

Not a lawyer yet

Mate I gotta sleep I ve got the alarm in few hours

Goodnight

😴

okay then

later

[heady nova]

I'm trying to discuss the link between gender based violence and cultural attitude,right now. you might be interested. Should I come back here when I'm up with something worth it ? It s gonna be a hell of a topic to develop in decent english, for me

Will be back in few hours

[heady nova]

@tidal iron

hello

[upper wigeon]

I'm going to start off by making a data-map of different false beliefs noting the period they appeared and the kind of belief (eg. witches trials, physics etc). After doing this I plan to see what periods and types of misbeliefs are most prominent in the data I gathered (note that the data I gather will not be a good representation of the data out there and will ofcourse be skewed by my interests but that does not matter for this current project) I will find out more about the specific misbeliefs of the afformentioned types and will write a small paper about it in semi-scientific style.

any grammar mistakes? any tips how to better convey my message?

anything else?

[heady nova]

noting the period
"by noting the period" or "by the period"
After doing this
There's a comma after "this"
ofcourse
2 words not 1
current project
current is kind of unnecessary but not incorrect
in semi-scientific style
in a*

overall very good stuff

[upper wigeon]

thanks

[finite vessel]

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1WGjZA5VgNjErs13V4SNvTsccqvW0055AAL2Frk7zof4/edit?usp=sharing

Can someone give me a bit of advice on my personal narrative? The max word limit is 1000...

[real robin]

The voice of the Gods, loud and roaring throughout the heavens, sympathetic but mocking - a simple message is left, engraved atop of a pedestal, from a bygone age, rusted and aged itself. I am not to be with this person eternally, and I am to be with them, only in dreams and on sunny days. 

Though I did not argue, for I was an ant, and they were Gods - I foolishly believed such a small detail would be ill important. I was wrong, like a bunny within a raging storm is wrong about fireflies in the haze, mistaking them for the eyes of hounds. For, after enjoying their presence for a few moments, the first droplets began to drop - the start of intense rain, that I’m still waiting to end, perhaps it’ll be tomorrow.

Until the sunny days appear once again on the horizon, I am only able to meet this person in my dreams, where for a few fleeting moments, it feels like there is no glaring rain atop my body - and I feel intensely warm.

I can not say anything from this accursed rain, it is deafening. I have no ears, for I have gone deaf from hearing nothing but the intense rain . Yet I must hear their voice, and scream for their name. For only then, when I hold their warm hand on a sunny day, atop of warm grass and an embracing sunlight, will a meagre ant have finally triumphed over legions of Gods.. "```
Hello, I'm sorry if the channel isn't for this kind of content, I don't really have anyone in my life to review my writing. I'd accept any kind of critique or advice, thank you in advance.

[heady nova]

whose quality of stature and posture

your writing is enigmatic and nice

[real robin]

Thank you for correcting.

[errant pivot]

hello all

[limber topaz]

Fine writing, not deserving of our meagre eyes.

However, who's should be whose. (2nd line)

I believe 'that yet' refers to 'their character' and as such seep should be seeps, or old English seepeth. Perhaps using 'from' works a little better than 'out of', but that's me (not wishing to impinge on your literary work)

Suggestion 'sympathetic but mocking' -> ' sympathetic yet mocking' indicated they are occurring together
Are you trying to say the voice of the gods is a simple message, or 'from' the voice of the gods a simple message is left?

[limber topaz]

'with this person eternally, and I am.... ' -> 'with this person eternally. I am... '

'like a bunny in a storm (...) is wrong' -'like when a bunny in a storm (...) is wrong'

'I cannot say anything from this... rain' -> c i cannot say anything of this ... rain', I'm assuming you mean you are unable to speak of the rain.

Brain strain=90%+. Very intense . Very good.

[real robin]

Thank you.

For the message, I was aiming for the message itself to be simple, but not that the Gods themselves were simple, if that makes sense.

As in, "We are higher deities, but for ants such as yourself, we must lower ourselves to such a meagre level.", something like that.

[limber topaz]

So are you saying the engraved message is from man?

[real robin]

No, it's from the Gods.

They made the person, but limited the narrator to being with that person, only on sunny days and in dreams.

And as Gods, they have to talk to the narrator in a meagre way, thus the rusty and dated pedestal.

[limber topaz]

That is what i read

That is why i suggested starting with 'from' the gods, a simple message is left'

Otherwise everything before '- a simple message' is to be interpreted as the message.

@real robin

[real robin]

I see, thank you for clearing that up.

[hot ocean]

You have two comma splices, but they could be considered stylistic. I'll leave that up to your judgement.

"waiting to end, perhaps it'll be..." An em dash could work here to show interruption of thought.

"from this accursed rain, it is defeaning." Semi-colon would do here.

"but the intense rain. Yet I must..." I think a comma after yet is appropriate here, or you can link the two sentences together: "but the intense rain; yet, I must..."

"atop of warm grass and an embracing sunlight" I think you missed an opportunity to enhance the strength of "embracing sunlight" and provide clarity, because "atop an embracing sunlight" doesn't make too much sense.

[real robin]

Thank you for your critique and advice.

[real robin]

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1BRJECqod8IHEswsyGVBeQqQzm0-IjXyGikNbwoPn2Q0/edit?usp=sharing

Hello, I'd like a critique of this longer passage I wrote, it's a bit experimental as I never wrote psychological horror, or anything similar to that.

Thank you in advance.

[limber topaz]

"even if they attempted with all their imagination and might muster their brain. " this does not make sense. I can't even conceive of a correction to make sense. Subconsciously i feel i know what you are aiming for but it's locked up my brain....

'... me to rather flee, the logic and curiosity... ", Use a ; here as it separates the two statements, otherwise with the comma the reader continues to read the following in relation to the first phrase, and then it stops the reader (mental blocks) from understanding the whole sentence.

Ooooh scary ending. Doing well. @real robin

[tranquil minnow]

Hlo

[real robin]

"Even if they attempted with all the imagination and might their brain could muster", that's what was supposed to be written, must've forgotten to fix it.

Thank you again for the critique and advice.

[real robin]

even if they attempted with all the imagination and might their brain could muster

That's from the original passage, I must've copied the wrong one.

[flat jay]

how's it

[gritty burrow]

oh yeah it's cynical

[flat jay]

thanks 😳

[gritty burrow]

n-no problem 😳

[brisk robin]

Can anyone help me with my English homework?

[viral forge]

ok

[real robin]

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1lGSUSGa3fnbKZv-KAAXjsZLQFa-sAO94G-ny3YFCBEY/edit?usp=sharing

Hello, I'd like some critique on my short story, the usual kind. Thank you.

[heady nova]

Hi

Working in progress:

[heady nova]

Human smuggling is a thriving business around the world, increasingly taugher to be fought due to a political instrumentalization of its flows.

Protected and facilitated by bureaucracies and strengthen digital infrastructures, smugglers are giving their position away much more freely than in the past, and the network is supposed to be accessible by a osint cured investigation.

A combined effort is required, and geolocation is making it possible to build a solid crossover and in the validation of acquired data

[heady nova]

Is there anything wrong

[limber topaz]

Human smuggling is a thriving business around the world, increasingly harder to fight due to political (???instrumentalization of its flows. ???-- i'm guessing something like... facilitation of smuggling routes)

Protected and facilitated by bureaucracies and strengthened digital infrastructures, smugglers are giving their positions away much more freely than in the past, and the network (what network) is supposed to be accessible by an (???osint cured???) investigation.

A combined effort is required(between who). Geolocation is making it possible to build a solid (???crossover in the validation of acquired data??? -what does the mean?)

Through validation and cross-referencing of acquired data... Possibly

Build a solid what?

Map, picture , something like this?

[heady nova]

No worries it's fine like that

Without any solid mispoken nothing

[limber topaz]

But you still need to say what you are building with that data

[heady nova]

Instrumentalization is the political use of the routes;
flows stands for the migrants going through the routes. So it is wrong?

[limber topaz]

Let me reread it with these definitions

[heady nova]

Yeah building a map of the routes, that s what network stands for in the lines above

[limber topaz]

Just shifting words to understand better... Due to the political use of the routes of these migrants

[heady nova]

Sorry idk if it s my bad english or the context which is missing here. Maybe both, I m listening you

[limber topaz]

I roughly understand the context from your previous messages. I think it's the translation presently. You may be using overly complex words, but also the content of the message is missing critical words/detail to give the general reader an understanding of the mission statement.

[heady nova]

Mmm

Damn. You re right

[limber topaz]

Try shorter succinct sentences

[heady nova]

Let me elaborate it 😩

[limber topaz]

I write introductions with short sentences. Try not to combine multiple concepts into one sentence. State a fact end sentence state next fact, end sentence. State therefore...

[heady nova]

Human smuggling is a thriving business around the world, increasingly harder to fight due to a political use of the routes of these migrants.

Guarded by bureaucracies and strengthened digital infrastructures, smugglers are giving their position away much more freely than in the past, providing enough resources to be assessed by geolocation for a cross-referencing data analysis.
On that purpose, a combined effort is required to make it possible to build up a solid picture of the network.
[and we ask your contribution]

Is "guarded" better here

Is it fine now I hope so

[heady nova]

Just imagine how do I write in my native language....

[heady nova]

I think it s goooooood now @limber topaz

[limber topaz]

Human smuggling is a thriving business around the world, increasingly harder to fight due to the political instrumentalization (a simpler word or phrase is needed here) of its flows.
Guarded by bureaucracies and strengthened digital infrastructures, smugglers are giving their position away much more freely than in the past
Cross-referencing of acquired data and geolocation is making it possible to build up a solid picture of the network, supposedly accessible by a (???cured osint investigation??? --- what is cured? What is osint?)
In order to realize this mission, a combined effort is required between ??? And ???..., and we ask you to help by contributing.

[limber topaz]

non posso

[heady nova]

"Does cured make any sense?"
"No."
Now I understand

[limber topaz]

Procuitto

[heady nova]

😹

Prosciutto

[limber topaz]

Osint=overseas intelligence?

[heady nova]

Open source

[limber topaz]

Open source intelligence

Curated open source intelligence

I think that is the verb you are thinking of

[heady nova]

Human smuggling is a thriving business around the world, increasingly harder to fight due to a political use of the routes of these migrants.
Guarded by bureaucracies and strengthened digital infrastructures, smugglers are giving their position away much more freely than in the past, providing enough resources to be assessed by geolocation for a cross-referencing data analysis.
On that purpose, a combined effort is required to make it possible to build up a solid picture of the network.

[heady nova]

Yes, thank you

[heady nova]

Solid now

[limber topaz]

Cross referencing of acquired communication and geopositional data

It doesn't make sense that with guarded bureaucracies and strong digital infrastructure, that this leads to the smuggles giving away their info. It's counter intuitive. Why does this lead to them giving away the data. I would think it helps them hide their data.

@heady nova

[heady nova]

Because it s a business the more they re free to operate the more they re perceived as solid and secure

they have all the interest of spreading as much informations as possible to be perceived as trusted and secure, whereas in reality what happens is that human smuggling does often turn into human trafficking, with oppression on migrants of many forms

[heady nova]

I am reading it again it looks so cool and precise on me

[verbal spear]

@gray briar

[strange mango]

Its Human trafficking

[verbal spear]

@heady nova

[heady nova]

Hi, anyone can help me analyzing a speech of a video?

[cunning inlet]

Send it here

[heady nova]

Hi! I'm trying to write a critique for the series "The Chilling Adventures Of Sabrina" and would appreciate feedback! Thanks so much if you read it!
Today I'm going to be introducing to you, the Chilling Adventures of Sabrina. So, I really do hope you'll consider watching this show by the end of this presentation.
The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina is a Netflix series of 4 seasons based on the original series "Sabrina, The Teenage Witch of 1986 and the comics of the same name, from the 70's.

In the city of Greendale, Sabrina Spellman, a half-human, half-witch teenage girl, must choose between her witch life and her human life as her 16th birthday nears. On one hand, she must sign the Book of the Beast to complete her dark baptism, a ceremony every witch has to go through when becoming sixteen. By signing the book, she fully accepts her witch side and agrees to attend the Academy of Unseen Arts. On the other hand, she would have to leave all her human friends and stop studying at Baxter High, a regular human high school. Sabrina has to go through so much ordeals ; she has to choose between leaving her friends therefore embracing her dark side, and renounce to her magical identity by fully integrating the human world. She later discovers mysteries about her origins and deals with cosmic threats.

This reboot is a coming-of-age, eye-opening, supernatural horror show which deals with heavy, life-changing choices, and how a sixteen-year-old girl can cope with different types of challenges in life.

I absolutely loved The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina, well, mainly because I enjoy supernatural stuff but, you don't ever get bored throughout the show, the visuals are on point, and the plot twists are truly shocking. That is why I highly recommend this series. It's also pretty quick to watch actually, since it's the third time i've watched it. That's all for me, I really do hope you will watch it.

[dense plover]

Hi! I'm trying to write a critique for the series "The Chilling Adventures Of Sabrina" and would appreciate feedback! Thanks so much if you read it!
Today I'm going to introduce you to the Chilling Adventures of Sabrina. So, I really do hope you'll consider watching this show by the end of this presentation.
The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina is a four-season Netflix series based on the original series "Sabrina, The Teenage Witch of 1986 and the comics of the same name from the 70's.
In the city of Greendale, Sabrina Spellman, a half-human, half-witch teenage girl, must choose between her witch life and her human life as her 16th birthday nears. On one hand, she must sign the Book of the Beast to complete her dark baptism, a ceremony every witch has to go through when becoming sixteen. By signing the book, she fully accepts her witch side and agrees to attend the Academy of Unseen Arts. On the other hand, she would have to leave all her human friends and stop studying at Baxter High, a regular human high school. Sabrina has to go through so many ordeals: she has to choose between leaving her friends**,** therefore embracing her dark side, and renounce ~~to ~~her magical identity by fully integrating into/with the human world. She later discovers mysteries about her origins and deals with cosmic threats.

This reboot is a coming-of-age, eye-opening, supernatural horror show which deals with heavy, life-changing choices, and how a sixteen-year-old girl can cope with different types of challenges in life.

I absolutely loved The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina, well, mainly because I enjoy supernatural stuff**.** but You don't ever get bored throughout the show, the visuals are on point, and the plot twists are truly shocking. That is why I highly recommend this series. It's also pretty quick to watch actually, since it's the third time I've watched it. That's all for me, I really do hope you will watch it.

[heady nova]

wow, thanks so much, you really put effort in this!

[dense plover]

np lol

If you don't mind, I would also like to give you a little advice on your conclusion

[heady nova]

yes please

[dense plover]

In the sentence that starts with "You don't ever get bored throughout the show..." you should set your sentence so that the following part proves why you don't get bored

Instead of just including the fact that you don't get bored with the visuals and plot twists, you should start by saying something like, "You don't ever get bored throughout the show, as the visuals are always on point and the plot twists are truly shocking."

See what I mean?

[heady nova]

ohh yeah thank you!!

that's perfect

[dense plover]

Otherwise you're doing well. Keep practicing!

[heady nova]

thanks so much! my classmates are gonna be dead inside hearing all of this 😎

[dense plover]

haha

Get some competition going in the classroom lol

[unkempt flare]

hi everyone

[real robin]

Calmly is hugged the maiden, that yet keeps him company throughout his letters; though he knows they bore her greatly.
Certainly is the composure of the maiden proven just and true through his written outbursts; though the letters sting and bleed her.

Through the blood and brown, years and months, pain and pleasure; her bruised and cut hands at the final hour, have gotten hold of the stingy rose, that thought of itself as nothing more than a weeping weed.”```

Hello, could I receive critique on my writing? I'd like to write and describe more 'efficiently', or in a way that'll appear better to the reader. Thank you in advance.

[dense plover]

Firstly I would like to ask, Is this a snippet of a larger text or is this standalone? I ask because it is unclear whether you are purposely not introducing 'him' to create mystery or if its just something thats been revealed earlier.
Next, I'm interested in how you use semicolons in this. Is this just to separate lines/stanzas?

I see what you're going for by using 'yet', however I think it sounds a bit weird when used in this way. Although 'yet' has a more poetic sound, I think 'still' would make more sense in the contexts in which you use it.

Calmy is hugged the maiden, that yet keeps him company throughout his letters; though he knows they bore her greatly.

use 'who' instead of 'that' because maiden is a living person.

Certainly is the composure of the maiden proven just and true through his written outbursts; though the letters sting and bleed her.

In my personal (and subjective) opinion, certainly breaks up the previous form you had in the other sentences. It might add a bit of comedy or 'humanness' into it but the sentence is already a bit bulky as is. You can also get rid of 'just and true' in the sentence to make it more concise, if you want to do that instead

Through the blood and brown, years and months, pain and pleasure;

This is a more complex critique. Do you notice what kind of things you're listing? blood and brown (qualities), years and months (duration), pain and pleasure (feelings). These are all very different things, and grouping them together makes it seem weird. I would suggest making the years and months the main clause of the sentence, then grouping blood and brown with pain and pleasure, which seem a bit closer (i.e. Through the months [turned] years of blood and brown, pain and pleasure, [something else maybe]?

stingy rose

stingy is a description of a cheap person, so this would not work for rose. Other words could be spiky/spiked, thorny/thorned, etc.

[dense plover]

Hopefully this helps a bit. It's pretty hard to critique literature/poetry because there is a lot of subjectivity and it can be hard to explain, so let me know if you want more info and I can hop on a vc with you!

[rustic umbra]

When you ignore or disobey fate, it will lead to your life changing in unforeseen, negative ways. Through the alchemist, one of the refugees had a parallel dream to Santiago’s, and as a result, is a person who steals and harms others, while in The Monkey's Paw, Herbert dies as a result of his wish for 200 pounds. Towards the end of Santiago's journey to find his treasure, he meets a refugee from the Pyramids of Egypt, who wants to steal from him, and beats him nearly to death before Santiago tells him about his treasure, and the refugee stops. As he is leaving, the refugee tells Santiago that “a man shouldn’t be so stupid” to travel across the globe for a treasure. The refugee then tells Santiago that he “had a recurrent dream too,” and he dreamed of traveling “to the fields of Spain and look[ing] for a ruined church where shepherds and their sheep slept”, which is where Santiago comes from. The refugee changed as a person in a negative way by not following his dreams, while Santiago prospers, and learns more about himself and the world by following what he dreamed of. Coelho made the characters dream of the other's homeland, and a treasure hidden within to show what not following your fate can do to you. In a similar way, WW Jacobs shows through The Monkey’s Paw what changing your fate can do. When Mr.White receives the Paw, he is told of the demise of the man who had it before, who had consequences for his wishes so horrible, he used his last wish for his own death. When Mr. White “wish[es] for 200 pounds”, he is quick to say

“there’s no harm done” However, the next morning, a visitor pays a visit to Mr. White and his wife, telling them “[Herbert] was caught in machinery… They admit no liability at all, but in consideration of your son’s services they wish to present you with a certain sum…. 200 pounds”. Herbert, their sons’ death was ultimately caused by them wishing for something that didn’t align with their fate, leading to unfortunate consequences for everyone involved.

I just want general proofreading because i feel like my writing was wordy and my points were pretty redundant, it's supposed to be the first paragraph of a synthesis essay comparing two pieces of texts that would be pretty understandable for somebody who hasn't read either

[verbal spear]

"In both "The Alchemist" and "The Monkey's Paw," the theme of fate plays a significant role. Disobeying or ignoring fate often leads to unforeseen and negative consequences. In "The Alchemist," Santiago's journey to find his treasure parallels that of a refugee from the Pyramids of Egypt, who dreams of stealing and harming others. Santiago's pursuit of his dream allows him to prosper and gain self-discovery, while the refugee's deviation from his dream turns him into a person who resorts to theft and harm. Paulo Coelho employs parallel dreams in the story to illustrate the consequences of not following one's destiny.

Similarly, in "The Monkey's Paw" by W.W. Jacobs, Mr. White receives a magical paw that grants wishes but also warns of dire consequences. When he wishes for 200 pounds, he initially dismisses any harm, but his son's tragic death the next day, followed by a compensation of 200 pounds, reveals the terrible price of altering one's fate. Both stories serve as cautionary tales, demonstrating the adverse effects of defying fate."

(Wordiness and Redundancy: The original paragraph contained several instances of wordiness and repetition. It's important to convey your ideas clearly and concisely.

Lack of Clarity: Some sentences in the original paragraph were not very clear, which can make it difficult for the reader to follow your argument.

Grammar and Punctuation: There were some grammatical errors and issues with punctuation in the original paragraph.

Organization: The original paragraph could benefit from better organization to make your points flow more smoothly.)

[verbal spear]

Conciseness: The original paragraph contained excessive wordiness and repetition. In the revised version, unnecessary words and phrases were removed to make the points more concise. Concise writing is easier to read and understand.

Clarity: The revised version clarified the points being made. Sentences were rephrased and organized to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. This improved the overall readability of the paragraph and made the argument more accessible to readers.

Grammar and Punctuation: The original paragraph had some grammar and punctuation issues. The revised version corrected these errors to ensure grammatical correctness, which is essential for effective communication.

Organization: The revised paragraph was organized to present the points logically and coherently. This organization helped readers follow the argument more easily and understand the connections between the two texts being compared

[rustic umbra]

thank you so much! this is actually so clear

[real robin]

It's standalone, I don't write anything bigger than this usually.

For semicolons I suppose I attempt to use them when it sounds good to use them? I can't really explain it, so I'm certain I'm using them wrong most of the time.

[real robin]

Thank you, I'm simply glad to have at least someone to read my work, let alone give me solid critique.

[dense plover]

Yea semicolons are tough. You basically just use it when you want to make two sentences that are grammatically separate more close together.

Good job, though. Your English is very advanced

[heady nova]

Henlo

[gritty burrow]

that's self promotion isn't it

is that not against the rules

[heady nova]

Isn t there any database english tests tap into which can be studied

I don't need to pass any test I guess it d just be very useful as a studying tool

[heady nova]

@cunning inlet

[cunning inlet]

@heady nova thanks

[real robin]

Hello, I'd like some critique on my short story. Anything from objective to subjective, I thank you in advance for both.

Specifically, I suppose pacing is something I'd improve by a lot.

[verbal spear]

Your short story has a captivating and eerie atmosphere, creating a sense of suspense and dread throughout. The descriptions are vivid and help set the mood effectively. However, since you mentioned pacing as an area for improvement, here are some suggestions:

1.    Vary Sentence Length: While long, descriptive sentences can be powerful, it’s essential to vary the length of your sentences. This can help with pacing and keep the reader engaged.
2.    Dialogue or Internal Thoughts: Consider adding some dialogue or internal thoughts from the protagonist to break up the narrative. This can provide insights into the character’s emotions and thoughts, enhancing the reader’s connection.
3.    Show, Don’t Tell: Instead of explicitly stating feelings like fear and coldness, try to show these emotions through the character’s actions, thoughts, and physical sensations. It allows readers to immerse themselves more deeply in the story.
4.    Balance Descriptions: While detailed descriptions are valuable for creating atmosphere, ensure they don’t slow down the story excessively. Balance the level of detail with the pacing you want to achieve.

Overall, your writing sets a captivating tone, and with a bit of fine-tuning, you can enhance the pacing and reader engagement even further. Keep up the good work!

[verbal spear]

Mistakes and Suggestions:

1.    Sentence Structure: Some sentences are quite long and complex. Break them into shorter sentences for better clarity.
2.    Grammar and Usage:
•    “worn-out” (hyphenated) and “it’s” (contraction of “it is”) should be corrected to “worn out” (not hyphenated) and “its” (possessive form).
•    “it had been placed not long ago” could be simplified to “it appeared recently.”
•    “as fearful as I do” can be rephrased as “as frightened as I am.”
•    “it would be poor in all but the contents” could be clearer as “except for its contents.”
3.    Vocabulary and Clarity:
•    Simplify complex vocabulary where possible for ESL learners. For instance, instead of “unfathomable,” use “difficult to understand.”
4.    Dialogue or Thoughts: Consider adding dialogue or internal thoughts to make the character’s emotions and thoughts clearer.
5.    Show, Don’t Tell: Show emotions and sensations through the character’s actions and thoughts rather than explicitly stating them. For example, describe the character trembling or their heart racing instead of saying “I begin to shake and pant.”
6.    Punctuation and Capitalization:
•    Ensure proper punctuation and capitalization, such as capitalizing the first word of each sentence and using proper commas and periods.
7.    Paragraph Breaks: Break the text into paragraphs to make it visually more reader-friendly.

[verbal spear]

1. Redundancy: Your writing does contain some redundancy. For example, you repeat points about Santiago’s journey and the refugee’s dream in “The Alchemist.” Try to avoid restating the same ideas in different ways.
   2. Clarity: Some sentences are a bit complex and might benefit from simplification. For instance, the sentence discussing the refugee’s dream could be more straightforward to enhance clarity.
   3. Structure: It might help to structure your paragraph more clearly. Start with a general thesis statement that introduces the main idea of your essay. Then, present specific examples from each text to support your argument.
   4. Proofreading: There are minor grammar issues and missing punctuation marks. Be sure to proofread for grammar and punctuation errors to make your writing more polished.
   5. Transition Sentences: Your paragraph could benefit from clear transition sentences that guide the reader from one point or example to the next.
   6. Word Choice: Be mindful of word choice. For instance, when you mention the refugee from “The Alchemist,” you say he “beats [Santiago] nearly to death.” This could be more precisely phrased for a better impact.

Remember to be concise, clear, and avoid redundancy while structuring your paragraph effectively for a synthesis essay.

[verbal spear]

1. Replace “unforeseen” with “unexpected.”
   2. Use “wrongdoing” instead of “theft and harm.”
   3. Replace “negative consequences of not following one’s fate” with “the perils of defying fate.”
   4. Substitute “tampering with fate” with “altering destiny.”
   5. Consider adding transition words for improved paragraph flow.
   6. Review for grammar and punctuation errors, especially in the final sentence.
   7. Combine sentences to reduce redundancy and improve the flow.
   8. Use active voice where possible for more direct writing.
   9. Replace vague terms like “unpredicted” with more precise language.
   10. Ensure consistent use of present tense for the analysis.

These changes will help streamline your paragraph and make it more comprehensible while conveying your intended comparisons effectively.

[heady nova]

@inland stone

[rustic umbra]

thank you!

[rough gulch]

Thank you

[steep stratus]

Hi, folks. I need some help to discover any blunder or flaws in my essays, as I'm preparing for the IELTS exam rn. Here's it, with the corresponding background for each:

**You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.

The graph below shows the number of enquiries received by the Tourist Information Office in one city over a six-month period in 2011.

Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

You should write at least 150 words.**

The graph represents the quantity of questionnaires obtained by the Tourist Information Office in one city within six months in 2011.

Overall, the inquiries made in person are the lowest at the beginning of the period, but then they gradually ascend until becoming the highest of all three by the end.

Starting with the first three months of the whole period, January, it can be observed that the by-telephone method of inquiry is ahead of two others; the method of emailing and sending letters is in the middle; and in-person is the least effective. By February, all three methods shift to a degree of being mildly equalized, but then, in March, they seperate from each other again, with the in-person and by-telephone enquiries elevating themselves and by-letter remaining idle.

Now, to the mid-point of the period, significant changes occur when in-person method skyrockets; less significant changes happen to the by-letter/email one - it remains the same; and what about the lettering/emailing method, it only descends. In May, Both in-person and by-letter/email questionnaires keep on their track of ascending-descending, while by-telephone leaves its non-moving point to go up. By the end of the period, all three inquiries are firmly pinned on their positions with the same pace as in May.

**You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Individuals can do nothing to improve the environment; only governments and large companies can make a difference.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

You should write at least 250 words.**

The problem of ecology is an urgent topic to resolve as it has a general impact on both the Earth and humanity. Governments and companies have fundamential ability to influence on the problem with the environment in a positive way. Casual civilians can barely make a significant change, if no change at all, due to lack of available power.

So far governments and companies are in substantial power to implement methods of enhancing the environment: to reduce polution, pernicious human activity, and so forth. The only hurdle is the lack of incentive on their part. Even with all the required conditions to apply changes, governments and companies simply won't indulge, as the experience shows. Numerous protests on the civilians' part do not shift the progress as needed, while companies and governments do not encourage the 'heal-the-Earth' movement. In order to change the course of this dilemma, certain corrections have to be made within the governments' internal structure, and a switch of the companies' rhetoric also has to be proceeded.

But what about independent individuals? In my opinion, with a steady enthusiasm and will, they can form collective groups, engage in social campaings, such as manually disposing garbage found on streets, collecting litter that floats on oceans, and wrest for the power in governmental and companies' positions for the sake of assertion of their viewpoint over the problem and shedding light on it. I think they must continue to struggle, even if the majority in the shape of companies and governments do not support in any way. Sooner or later, one should give in.

Don't hesitate to critique them as much as possible, I'm open for feedback.

[desert nova]

Hi, I'm writing a text that is supposed to be easy for English beginners. I want someone to correct prepositions, grammar, commas etc. Thank you in advance!!!!

Urbanization

Butterflies are insects that we love to see in parks. Butterflies disappear because of urbanization. Urbanization is the increase in people in a city. People move from rural areas to urban areas, and the number of people who live in cities increases. Rural areas have farms, and there are not many people. Urban areas have buildings and more people.

The cause: industrialization

People move from rural areas to urban areas because of industrialization. Industrialization is a process that happens in cities when people build factories. People move from rural areas to urban areas to work in factories. When people build factories, they destroy the plants and flowers that butterflies need to live.

The consequence: loss of habitat

Butterflies live in parks or gardens. Butterflies need different plants and flowers to live, but when these plants and flowers disappear they lose their home. The home of a species is called habitat. Habitat loss is when a species suffers a change in its home.

[ocean aspen]

Urbanization

Butterflies are insects that we ~~ people love to see in parks. Butterflies disappear because of urbanization. Urbanization is the increase in ~~ of people in a city. People move from rural areas to urban areas, and the number of people who live in cities increases. Rural areas have farms, and there are not many people. Urban areas have buildings and more people.

The cause: industrialization

People move from rural areas to urban areas because of industrialization. Industrialization is a process that happens in cities when people build factories. People move from rural areas to urban areas to work in factories. When people build factories, they destroy the plants and flowers that butterflies need to live.

The consequence: loss of habitat

Butterflies live in parks or gardens. Butterflies need different plants and flowers to live, ~~but ~~ so when these plants and flowers disappear they lose their home. The home of a species is called habitat. Habitat loss is when a species suffers a change ~~in ~~ of its home.

Some notes:

First sentence: I changed "we" to "people" because reference to oneself creates an informal tone in the paper. If formal tone doesn't matter to you, you can ignore this change.

Last sentence: Technically, "in" works here, but it's ambiguous. "Of" may work better to imply that the home itself changed, not just something inside of it.

[ocean aspen]

I forgot to tag you, oops.

[desert nova]

Thank you!! Your corrections are really helpful!!!! ❤️

[patent kraken]

Hi, I am new here. I don't know exactly how this works, what type of proofreading do you guys do here?

For example, I have a speech analysis for one of Donald Trump's speeches I had to write for school.

Do I just post it here, do I ask someone to read it, do I have to do specific things in order to get some feedback, how does the system work?

I'd appreciate any amount of time if someone were willing to help me 🙂

[limber topaz]

Generally post it here, or a link to it and people will comment

Hopefully not 10000 words ofc

[tender dagger]

https://pastecode.dev/s/nUtuySZQeU

can someone help me compare these 2 essays in terms of Lexical Resource, Organization, Task Response and Cohesion?

since theyre of different topics, i want to focus on those aspect of them as im feeling kinda biased in class

[verbal spear]

What have you gathered and concluded @tender dagger

[tender dagger]

After some explaining by the teacher on class i guess that its just me being incompetent and not having sufficient copying skill

And i guess tiny linking words are important

[surreal nebula]

how to pronounce

quiescent

[static mango]

Would someone here be willing to proofread and give tips on my scholarship application? I would be very happy if you would message me.

[burnt bolt]

@empty horizon

[empty horizon]

@burnt bolt WA

[obsidian flume]

khuya-scent

[tropic coyote]

I'd definetely be able to help if no one else has yet :)

[surreal nebula]

hwo to pronounce fictitious

[tacit oar]

There is audio of the pronunciation here - https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/fictitious

[verbal spear]

Send it here

[ocean island]

is anyone willing to proof read my work??

[ocean island]

no ok thenn

[tacit oar]

Send it here!

[sudden hedge]

Could anyone proofread this translated text. I translated it on my own so I wanna know if there are any mistakes.

Purgeon set off to the remote little town, where her 1-year-old boy was, and took him back home. However, she felt a frenzy of dizzying headache as if she was struck by thunder when she threw her first look at him. She found the boy's face was so strangely familiar. And there was a voice inside her whispering: you can't take him home.
A wave of pain lingered within her soul. She could feel fresh blood was rushing towards her eyebrows because it was as if they were burning. She couldn't breathe, as if there were something blocking the airway. Her stomach, she was sure that there was something in her stomach that wanted to find its way out. When the doctor said the child was not growing as fast as he should be, she didn't know any solutions. She paced back and forth in the room where the child was living. There were other children. The room had only one window, outside of which the shadow of some trees was trembling. Let the child stay, she thought to herself. There were benevolent Father and sisters. Besides, it's said that this place would become a care center where medical treatments would be practiced. This should be the best place for the child, who would be her secret, hidden within a building covered by lush trees.

[heady nova]

As fast as he should have been
Any solution
The shadow of some trees were trembling
She thought within herself
Beside
It's muttered this place is going to be turned into/ will become
will be practiced
This is/ is going to be/ has to be a perfect solution as a place for the child, whom she would keep as her very secret, to be hidden

[heady nova]

I'm sorry that was right besides, not beside @sudden hedge

[wooden swallow]

Hi, I'm new to this server and not sure if this is the right channel for my post.

I've written the text, and it would be nice if you checked the grammar and punctuation. It was difficult for me to write such a large text, I know that I need to practice writing more, but I'm uncertain where to start. Could you give me some advice?

Favorite musician
I love listening to music so much that I almost always have my headphones on. I’m not a fan of just one genre I’m into hip-hop, hyperpop, rock, rap and such as them. Of course there’re musicians I like more than others and which I really want to meet one day, because I have always wanted to get in touch with someone who I’m a fan of.

To be clear, most of all, I want to meet a musician with the nickname “LXNER". He was born in the Rostov region in a small town (can’t recall its name). He was great at studying so he used to get brilliant grades and was almost a straight-A student. He became interested in music when he was 14, probably it was because of his dad who is a musician as well. LXNER became popular after he had posted his song on TikTok. It was written in hyperpop genre, which was innovative for people in those days.

I’m attaching a photo of me and my friends from one of the concerts we’ve visited. I am the brown-haired one in the left corner of the photo. The girl to my left is Masha. She calls herself lazy, but I don’t consider her so. She’s easy-going, modest and good at painting. Also, she’s the person I can rely on. The guy to my right is Philip, his dream is to work in theater and to become a director. He’s clever, assertive, very determined, but funny though. We all Masha, Philip and I want to attend LXNER’s concert once. The problem is that their concerts almost always take place very far from the city we live in.

I’m curious, who is your favorite musician, and have you ever met them? I’m looking forward to reading your story

[analog drum]

I'll dm u ..

[sudden hedge]

Okay, thank you so much, I really appreciate it

[frigid parcel]

1. "She thought to herself" is a correct phrase though?
2. I don't think "said" needs to be changed to "muttered", especially in that sentence - it sounds unnatural

[heady nova]

I don't think so,
from what I can reckon, either you say "she thought herself" or "she thought withing herself", as your option is certainly understood by natives as well but might not be the most common and correct one if you were somewhere in a native country
Same for "it's said that this place"...either you say "this place is said to..." or what you were saying would just sound better as "it's muttered"

I might be wrong tho! I ll tag peo to have a world on it in case he'd have time

[heady nova]

@limber topaz

[frigid parcel]

thanks for responding, I'm actually interested in the answer to this myself

[limber topaz]

She thought to herself is correct

said was fine. No need to change to mutter.

I didn't respond earlier but this is just not good: There were benevolent Father and sisters. the use of were followed by singular father is incorrect even though it is trying to include sisters to make it plural. It would be better written as..... (thinking)....(thinking)
There was the benevolent Father, and the sisters.

@sudden hedge @frigid parcel @heady nova

[heady nova]

👍

[frigid parcel]

thank you

[heady nova]

hello can you guys check if i wrote this right? it actually doesn't needs to look professional but i just want to learn my mistakes

• first of all, the term "being successful" depends on the person. some people are successful when they're happy, some are successful when they're rich. but after all, these all are just for the satisfaction. so i'll call being satisfacted is being successful. that means, being successful is not that hard actually. imagine that your child becomes very successful in their career; actually, you call them successful because they can satisfy people with their work. that's the point of being successful: being satisfied.
• and to be successful, I try my best to put a great work and get satisfied myself first.

[real robin]

In the middle of a never-ending winter, on a cold and freezing morning, a pretty butterfly landed on my skinny and frail hand. It had colors that warmed me from within and well-shaped contours that tell that its maker knew his work well. I brought it closer to my ear when suddenly it began to whisper softly.
“I shall not live long, my dearest — the winter winds and coldness shall take me soon. But in my short life I shall ensure that you find flowers, as rare as they are, atop of the window through which you look at stars. They may be small to you, but they shall be all that my frail and thin wings can carry. Until I perish, you shall have flowers, even in this cold and dark winter.”

For the next few days, I found small flowers atop my window. Afterwards, only a few, rare petals every so often. Eventually, there were no more flowers, petals or whispering butterflies; just a cold winter.

Hello, I'd appreciate if someone would critique my work, feel free to say anything, thank you in advance.

[lunar steeple]

First just a quick read through

Perfect

I'd say that you were a native speaker without a doubt

Even the small mistakes that might be there are normal to have

[heady nova]

But after all, these all are just stemming out of one's satisfaction
Imagine your children becoming very successful

[heady nova]

thanks but what does "steaming out of" means?

also i changed the text a little after i sent

[heady nova]

@heady nova stemming out of

ah ok

It means like drew from

i got it

thanks again

[frigid parcel]

TW: BROKEN LEG
Hi! This is a part of my fanfiction, I would really appreciate if someone proofread it! It's probably very simple English, if you know how to enrich the language tell me as well!
[context: the person is lost in a dangerous forest with a broken limb, he has people to care for at home]

•
He was not fine, not in the slightest.
He was stressed out, worn out. The spots around his eyes had been damp for hours.
He was desperately trying to straighten out his leg, but even the smallest movement hurt like a new injury. He kept grabbing it and hissing, but he made no progress whatsoever. When it tired him to the maximum, he was passing out, then waking up and trying again.
Hopeless thoughts started getting to him. Nobody would find him. He would never get outta here.

The forest would satisfy its thirst with one more victim.
He would die, his friends would die, all memory of them would die.
I must keep going, he was convincing himself despite trembling. He reached to his leg again; he didn't even bother wiping the continuously trickling down tears.
He continued for hours. It was night when he broke his leg: now sun was shining bright in the sky. He pressed it very hard once, but felt like that damaged the limb even more. And he still couldn't manage to fix even one fracture. He grew so weak from the pain that next time he slipped into unconsciousness, dusk had fallen again when he regained senses.
He wanted to go home so badly, he was so focused on this one thing, but his body simply protested. He had drained it with all the nights he stayed up, with meals he purposely avoided, with sitting constantly and ignoring his sore leg.
Disappointment takes us by surprise, as they say.
•

[real robin]

Hello, I can offer how I'd write some parts and perhaps it'd be of use to you.

"He was not fine, not in the slightest.
He was stressed out, worn out. The spots around his eyes had been damp for hours.
He was desperately trying to straighten out his leg, but even the smallest movement hurt like a new injury. He kept grabbing it and hissing, but he made no progress whatsoever. When it tired him to the maximum, he was passing out, then waking up and trying again."
Attempting to move even the slightest part of his bruised and damaged body, was a massive undertaking — requiring all of his willpower, simply to entertain the thought, let alone go through with it. To him, it felt like myriads of ages have passed; feeling the blood drip down his face, he realises it's a trick of the mind, and recollects himself. Attempting to straighten out his leg, a deep primal instinct kicks in and stops him from screaming in pain; clenching his teeth, he growls a quiet murmur-like moan of pain. It's no use, he's simply made the wounds worse; dirtying and widening them. In between the moments where he passes out with a burning fever — he hears a soft, silky voice of a woman: 'An open wound is a window to the world, a shout is an arm reaching out from a gaping mouth.' He must have gone mad, he thinks to himself.

[pseudo walrus]

Hi what do you think about this text? i use google to translate it

Sensory Immersion
One of the most notable features of virtual reality is its ability to offer complete sensory immersion. By using VR headsets, users can see three-dimensional scenarios that surround them and make them feel as if they were really in the virtual environment.

Interactivity and Control
Users can explore and manipulate digital objects, interact with virtual characters, and even make decisions that affect the narrative or development of a virtual experience.

Versatility and Diverse Applications
Virtual reality has applications that go beyond entertainment. While it has been widely used in games and entertainment experiences, it has also become a valuable tool in fields such as medicine, education, architecture, and training simulation. For example, doctors can use virtual reality to virtually practice surgeries before performing them on real patients.

Its okay or..?

[limber topaz]

Work is not a noun that can use great in that context. With effort (work) use great amount of work, or lots of work.

Get satisfied myself should just be worried "and be satisfied" or "and satisfy myself"

Use capital letters at start of sentences and following a colon ':'

Use as in comparing. "So I'll call being satisfied as being successful"

[limber topaz]

We don't really proof read Google. They have many billions of dollars to go that themselves. Use it to understand right what something is about if you don't know. Even Google will get it wrong sometimes, especially if the other language is not common, like 'new guinea highlands". If it's French Spanish, German etc then I'm sure it matches your original text well.

Nor AI.

[heady nova]

i got it, thanks

[cosmic oar]

Can somebody please peer-edit my essay? (word limit: 1200, currently at about 1800)
I'll send the rubric and the stuff i wrote

[analog drum]

i could.. dm me

[cosmic oar]

Can I dm u tmrrw 😭
It’s rlly late where I am so I have to go sleep 😢😢

[analog drum]

okk

[cosmic oar]

Thank youuuuu

[heady nova]

Hello, everyone.

I am very proud of being a member of a such wonderful site.

I am programmer and I want to learn English more with wonderful partner.

In addition, I will have a good relationship with you. Thank you.

[frigid parcel]

Thanks so much! I love your rewrite, it really added emotion to it.
Are you okay with me using some of these sentences (not all of course, and since some don't fit the plot) in my work? (If I end up doing so, I'll credit you)
And a question I have: what does "entertaining the thought" mean in this context?

[real robin]

Use whatever can help you. No need to credit me at all.

"...requiring all of his willpower, simply to entertain the thought, let alone go through with it.", in this context it means that it would take his all just to consider moving himself, let alone actually to move himself.

[frigid parcel]

Much appreciated :]

[tropic coyote]

If you'd like a additional editor please send it to me!

[cosmic oar]

okyy i DMed youu

[stable elk]

if you want me to come over today, you can tell me the time.

can anyone rephrase it for formal use, i want to ask someone for a meeting (for professional purpose)

[safe rose]

If you would like me to come over for a meeting, please tell me the available time that is most suitable.

[stable elk]

its not in house

[safe rose]

Oh where is it at?

Actually I’ll remove it

[stable elk]

also idk if he even wants a meeting, i just want to ask if he wants or not

[safe rose]

The way I phrased it is another way of saying “if you want”

Tbh you don’t have to be extremely formal

The first part of your sentence is fine

[stable elk]

yeah, tho i have already sent the message

[safe rose]

Oh I see

[stable elk]

gpt made this

If it is your preference for me to attend today, kindly provide the designated time that suits you for the meeting.

[safe rose]

Haha, sorry for the late response then

Glad u got a good answer

[stable elk]

no its okay

[stable elk]

is it?

alright

[radiant pebble]

what is proofreading can anyone explain me

is it about rewrite an essay correctly

[frigid parcel]

finding and correcting mistakes in a text
can be anything, grammar, pacing, vocab etc.

[ancient verge]

I feel sad

[floral phoenix]

i wrote an essay answering this question uhh dm if u wanna read it

QUESTION: From your study of the poetry of Sylvia Plath on your course, select the poems that, in your opinion, illustrate why Plath's poetry deeply resonates with the reader despite the extreme states of mind evident in her often challenging imagery. Justify your selection by illustrating why Plath's poetry deeply resonates with the reader despite her extreme states of mind evident in her often challenging imagery.

its too long to post here :c

[devout aurora]

It would be cool if anyone is interested in reading both of my Year 8 level essays (fictional) and proofread them. They are both about 800 - 1000 words. Do d.m. me! Thanks in advance!!! :D

[real robin]

“So will I.”, softly the boy answered. His voice was frail, but gentle. Gentle to such an extent, that it felt like the winter storm was going quieter when he spoke, for it wanted to hear him better. But the boy lost the strength to speak, and the storm returned to its cruel strength.

The boy, stared up at the snowman he had built just a few snowflakes ago, and chose to gift him his own hat. Cold snowflakes started to fall atop the little boy’s head that lacked any hair.

The little boy sat next to the snowman and rested his head against him.
The snowman attempted to shield the boy from the falling snow, though his arms were but frail twigs.

Eventually — the dreadful and cold winter turned into a beautiful spring, that smelled of warm grass and beautiful flowers that were covered with warm days, on which rarely unfortunes happened.

During such a spring, atop a hill overlooking all the other fields, there was a puddle of water, with an abandoned child’s hat soaked within it.```

Could I receive the usual critique and review of my writing, please? Thank you in advance.

[hot ocean]

"looked down at the frail boy, that calmly breathed through the chilly storm; and proclaimed..."
You should use "who" instead of "that" here, since our subject is a person performing the action. The semi-colon is not correctly used; It should be a comma instead since we're separating dependent clauses. You'll instead have:

The newly-built snowman looked down at the frail boy, who calmly breathed through the chilly storm, and proclaimed his worrying thoughts: "By spring, I will be gone."

"So will I.",
When we end a quote with a full stop (followed by continuation), we replace the full stop with a comma. It should be

"So will I,"

"The boy, stared up at the snowman he had built just a few snowflakes ago, and..."
There's no need for the first comma. A comma should never separate the subject directly from its verb. It should be:

"The boy stared up at the snowman he had built just a few snowflakes ago, and..."

"Eventually — the dreadful..."
Em dashes are quite versatile, but this em dash isn't used correctly. We can use em dashes to set aside nonessential information, as an abrupt interruption of thought, or to emphasize essential clauses, but you are using it as a replacement for a comma. It should just be:

"Eventually, the dreadful..."

.
"turned into a beautiful spring, that smelled..."
When we use "that" to create a clause, we are creating an essential clause, but you've put commas on either side, and this is not correct. We separate nonessential clauses, like those that use "which", but not essential ones. You could change the relative pronoun to "which" instead of "that", or you could remove the comma before the clause. I personally think removing the comma works better. It would be:

turned into a beautiful spring that smelled....

"on which rarely unfortunes happened"
The order here is a bit awkward. It's not technically wrong, but it doesn't read too naturally. If you're attempting inversion, the more correct phrase would be "rarely on those days did unfortune happen." If you just want a more natural phrase, you can just leave it as:

"on which unfortunes rarely happened."

Also, "unfortunes" is archaic. Almost any native can figure out what it's meant to mean, but you should use the more common and modern "misfortune." Archaic words are littered through contemporary literature, but I wouldn't use them unless you know your audience and what you're doing. If you're using the word on purpose, it's fine. However, I think "unfortune" is particularly obsolete, so there's very little justification for it.

These are only the changes that more strictly pertain to structure and grammar, and not so much style.

[real robin]

Thank you.

[heady nova]

whats wrong with the highlighted sentence?

[heady nova]

LeBron Raymone James, commonly referred to as LeBron James or "King James” is currently the oldest active NBA player. He was born on December 30, 1984, and was raised in Akron, Ohio. He is a professional American basketball player, who currently plays for the Los Angeles Lakers in the NBA.

can you help me make this setnence flow

[dusky path]

if you still need help with this, I can send you a google doc with some comments/suggestions

[dusky path]

LeBron Raymone James, commonly referred to as LeBron James or "King James”, is currently the oldest active NBA player. He was born on December 30, 1984, and raised in Akron, Ohio. He is a professional American basketball player, currently playing for the Los Angeles Lakers.

something like this might be cleaner.

[heady nova]

yes please

[dusky path]

just sent you a message 👍

[sage root]

LeBron Raymone James, commonly known as LeBron James or by his moniker "King James," currently holds the distinction of being the most senior active player within the NBA. He was born on December 30, 1984, and his upbringing took place in Akron, Ohio. Mr. James is a renowned professional American basketball player who presently showcases his talents as a valuable asset to the Los Angeles Lakers in the National Basketball Association (NBA).

[runic hamlet]

can someone give me feedback on the english in the video its a text to speech https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gbj-U_oxmjs

[sage root]

That’s written by chatgpt.

I often ask it for help too.

[fierce ember]

I have a question for all the americans in here: I’m in school (English class) and learning about modal auxiliaries and my Tischnachbar is wondering whether you guys are actually using terms like “needn’t”

Or more like if you actually differentiate between mustn’t and needn’t etc.

Also I’m a German student

[hot ocean]

I have never seen it come up in casual conversation. Usually only the expanded form is used for those two.

[fierce ember]

Ok thanks

[verbal spear]

Never used it never have heard of it

Maybe something that has rarely been used

[limber topaz]

Both are used. Needn't or need not means there is no mandatory requirement to do something. Mustn't or must not is providing a mandatory requirement not to do something.

[wary matrix]

Needn't and Mustn't can appear in English, but they are generally part of a more formal register. In a more casual register, a speaker is more likely to say don't need to. In British English, where the formal register is more common (but the casual register is still popular) needn't and similar contraction occur more often, but are still generally part of a more formal register.

[sudden hedge]

Can anyone proofread this paragraph I translated. It was originally written in latin so my translation might sound somewhat unnatural in English.

Nothing can compare with friendship; God gives us nothing better. Some people prefer money, some people health, some people fame and glory, and others pleasure. But they make a big mistake, because these things are uncertain and subject to fortune, not to wisdom. Friendship comes from wisdom, love, morality, and virtue. Without virtue, friendship can't exist. If you have no friend, your life will be like that of a tyrant. If you find a true friend, you will be happy and blessed.

Thank you sooo much. I really appreciate it

[toxic field]

Your translation is quite good, but here's a slight improvement:

"Nothing can compare to friendship; God grants us nothing superior. Some people prioritize money, some health, some fame and glory, and others pleasure. However, they make a significant mistake because these things are uncertain and subject to fortune, not to wisdom. Friendship emanates from wisdom, love, morality, and virtue. Without virtue, friendship cannot thrive. If you lack a friend, your life may resemble that of a tyrant. But when you find a true friend, happiness and blessings abound."

[sudden hedge]

Thank you❤️❤️

[toxic field]

It was my pleasure

[fair compass]

Good morning everyone! So I've been struggling to make spoken poetry for the past few days. I really don't know where to start. I have no idea since I don't do poetry stuff. My teacher gave us this project, and the deadline is tomorrow. So,  by a chance, is there anyone here that can help me or give advice?

[tropic coyote]

Sure I'll be able to if you still have time before you need to submit!

Is there a theme for the poetry or a specific type you have to do? Do you have anything so far?

[fair compass]

Thank you for your willingness to help! We don't have a specific theme for our spoken poetry, but I'm considering two ideas at the moment...

One revolves around my life, and the other is centered on my experiences and loved ones.

[tropic coyote]

Cool, do you have anything so far? and can I see it? also is there a specific type of poetry you've been assigned?

[inland yoke]

Can anyone feedback on my introduction of an essay? (IELTS writing task 2)

"For important sports events such as the Olympic Games or World Cup to take place, the host countries need to invest a significant amount of money and national resources. While some argue that this is improvident and may place economic burden for the hosts, others believe it can help promote sportsmanship and strengthen international bonds, and I totally agree with the latter view. "

Thank you.

[alpine hound]

"For important sports events such as the Olympic Games or World Cup to take place, the host countries need to invest a significant amount of money and national resources. While some argue that this is improvident and may place an economic burden on the hosts, others believe it can help promote sportsmanship and strengthen international bonds; I fully agree with the latter view. "

[tropic coyote]

"For important sports events such as the Olympics or the World Cup to take place, host countries need to invest a significant amount of money and national resources into it. While some argue that this is improvident or may place an economic burden on the hosts, others believe it can help promote sportsmanship and strengthen international bonds; I fully agree with the latter view. "

I made a few other changes, I feel as if "I fully agree with the latter view" doesn't stand as it's own sentence and is instead a fragment, does anyone else have any opinions on this?

[real robin]

Though I feel like I'd enjoy such a movie the most, for I'd relive some moments I had with her, I must admit that the idea of making a movie in which I could explain why I fear my father so much, sounds far more appealing, in a grotesque, uncomfortable, disturbing and most deeply, disgusting manner of which the very thought makes my body shiver, deeply from within, most likely from my bones; if not even deeper. I truly, with all of my existence, knowledge and individual taste, wish that I was not in such a position as I am now, where I fear my father the same way Franz Kafka did; though he and I bear some similarities — we both feel a great urge to explain our fears; if not to rationalise them.

If I could receive some feedback, thank you in advance. I would like to hear how this passage impacted you, if at all, and if so - how intensely.

The passage is from an essay "My life as a movie" that I wrote.

[inland yoke]

Thank you ❤️

[tropic coyote]

No problem, wishing you best on your assignment <33

[steel vigil]

How did you create that frame?

[kindred light]

This is a great excerpt, your use of language to create a tone is better than a lot of native speakers in my experience. There’s small grammar things. “how they would look like” should be replaced with either “how they would look” or “what they would look like.” It’s written in a way that makes me want to pick it apart and analyze it. You expressed the feelings of lost love and disturbed curiosity very well. Great work!

[lavish raft]

Can someone proofread a letter for me, It's a little on the lengthy side and personal. I would greatly appreciate it

[worthy bronze]

... brings me the most solace....
...grotesque, uncomfortable, disturbing and most deeply...
I don't reckon most to be good in this context, it shall be in the front
The most grotesque and so on
Otherwise its rich in lexis 👍

[limber topaz]

I would suggest on this improvement "however, they are making a significant mistake..."@sudden hedge

[tropic coyote]

If you'd like to dm it to me or send it here I'd be happy to look it over, and no worries on the personal aspects of it, no judgement :)

[sudden hedge]

Thank you so much. I really appreciate it❤️

[marsh musk]

🧟‍♂️?

[main vapor]

After my scrutiny and consideration, I have determined that University X is the most ideal university for me.

[main vapor]

after my scrutiny and consideration

I feel it is quite awkward to write so

After my further research on the universities I chose

Is that better?

[thin temple]

What is this channel used for?

[main vapor]

suggesting that University X possesses an attribute of friendliness towards international students

Shall I write it in a simpler way, ie,

suggesting that University X is friendly towards international students

[inland yoke]

The simply version looks fine to me.
I would suggest: ...demonstrate an approachable attitude towards international students.

[heady nova]

i’d say remove the word “most” because “ideal” already means perfect, there can’t possibly be anything that this university is “more” or “less perfect” than.
i also feel like “after further research” without “my” sounds more natural

[heady nova]

second one sounds better

[frosty snow]

Can someone please help me with proofreading ⬆️

[lone iron]

.

[reef briar]

perfect to me

[reef briar]

the handwriting is also gorgeous

mine looks like scrawling or doodles

[frosty snow]

🤣 ahahh lol

[frosty snow]

thank you very Berry 🍓 much

[frosty snow]

Could a native English speaker please proofread this text

[heady nova]

sure

give me 5 minutes

[heady nova]

1. I love your handwriting
2. It looks great, I wouldn't change anything

[ocean aspen]

I wouldn't change anything, really. It's well-written.

[remote smelt]

Perfect! A very invitational way to try and find a solution to a shared problem.

[heady nova]

your handwriting’s really pretty :p

[frosty snow]

Thank you 🙏😊 everyone

[tame verge]

can somebody please see if this sentence is okay:
" I love thinking from the perspective of the learner and making something make sense for them. "

[frosty snow]

The sentence you've provided is understandable, but it could be refined for clarity and flow. Here's a suggested revision:

"I enjoy adopting the learner's perspective to ensure concepts are clear and comprehensible for them."

This revised sentence maintains your original meaning while enhancing readability.

@tame verge

[main vapor]

Can someone grammar check my personal statement? For privacy reason, I will send it by DM instead.

[tacit oar]

Sure, you can DM me if you want

[sage root]

Why this hand writing looks real good. my one you can’t even understand without me assisting you

[frosty snow]

😊

[sage root]

ahhh

[barren marsh]

I'll look at it!

I'm not good with hand writing (it's good I just can't read very loopy letters) but it looks good so far

[sage root]

I wanna to show handwriting.

I think I need to make my letter clear

[heady nova]

why "when" is wrong?

[cunning crystal]

you have any words to complate?

[heady nova]

hi can someone improve the clarity of the paragrph i wrote. dm me if you want to give it a try :D

[radiant pike]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4esH1xJwMx8

[main vapor]

especially is the answer?

[sullen sundial]

The right word is "if"

[frigid parcel]

Hi, I'm wondering if I used this phrase in the right context:

The warmth of the hand stunned him. He rubbed his fingers against it, getting the feel of the texture.
A few tears rolled down his cheeks; he hadn't even realized he needed this so much. When did he get so vulnerable that the slightest touch tugged at his heartstrings?

[heady nova]

That's correct. Very expressive use of the language.

[frigid parcel]

thank you!!

[heady nova]

I'd be more inclined to say "tugged his heartstrings", however. I'm not entirely sure why, but perhaps because it feels more rhythmic and poetic, here.

You could even say that it plucked his heartstrings, just to give it more of a poetic flair, analogues to plucking guitar strings.

[lone flame]

same lol

[lone flame]

good handwriting

[spark robin]

Hi

Hi

Hi

[sage root]

same as mine but upgraded version

[sudden hedge]

Can someone check this for me?

Tonight I had a private conversation with the moon, who was talking about the sun. And I was talking about you

In this sentence, "who" is used to refer to "the moon". Is it grammatically incorrect? Like I have to use "which" in this case since "the moon" is a nonhuman entity. But I also think this is more of a stylistic choice because in this sentence. "The moon" is somewhat personified.

[frosty snow]

? I stopped writing your text because I couldn't decipher it

[frigid parcel]

I feel like if you want to give the moon an identity, then you can use "who". Especially since the moon is engaged in a conversation, which is a human thing to do.

[sage root]

i was saying you have the cursive handwring too, but your one is better then mine

[frosty snow]

too?!?!

[sage root]

ye too.

[heady nova]

It's fine to use 'who', even though the moon is not a human being. It's personification.

I spoke to the same cat that purred.
^ Not personified.

[frosty snow]

your statement assumes that your handwriting is cursive

[sage root]

isnt it ovious

[frosty snow]

Bruh, your handwriting is not cursive. It is just handwriting. There is room for improvement

[frosty snow]

In other words, the answer to your question is: No, it is not obvious.

[sage root]

welll need improvement then it will look somewhat cursive

[blissful gate]

Your handwriting looks like cursive. Cursive is a style of joining up the letters which you've done

[main vapor]

As I continue to learn biology, I realise the importance of the conservation and protection of the natural landscapes, and am mesmerised by the beauty of biodiversity in our nature. Hence I wish to study further about them and even spread the knowledge about them to the public.

I feel that the last sentence sounds awkward

[sage root]

hence i assipire to explore more about them and share the knowladge with general public.

or

hence i assipire to delve deeper about those subjects and share the knowladge with general public.

[sage root]

but i still need to put more work into it

[real robin]

"If you ever see a beautiful maiden,
in a gloomy town devoid of color,
with her eyes well lit and sharp,
in embraces yet roaring in fire,
tell her that I love her.
Tell her amidst the rain and thunder that shall pour on you,
that I have loved and admired her for every day of my life,
on which scents of flowers and warmth of sunlight,
yet reached my cold and decrepit apartment.
Tell this vignette of French literature and Italian kisses,
unknowable behemoth of a woman that took my gaze and held it,
sultanate and monarch of all inspirations for which I write,
that I love her,
if not the least,
appreciate her,
far more than she would ever know."

Hello, I'd like the general critique of my writing. This is the first time I've attempted this kind of writing, I usually write narrative stories. Though, today was a bad day, and it reminded me of that person. Please, attempt to find any mistake, or anything that could've been improved upon. Have no mercy.

Thank you in advance.

[tacit oar]

in embraces yet roaring in fire
sounds a bit weird, but this is a poem, so you could keep it in. I suggest removing the "yet"
yet reached my cold and decrepit apartment.
you might want to say "have yet" to imply it is taking a while to reach the person
also, apartment works here, but i suggest using a different word to evoke the tone of your poem more. try the word "tenement" perhaps.
Tell this vignette of French literature and Italian kisses,
unknowable behemoth of a woman that took my gaze and held it,
Remove "tell"
sultanate and monarch of all inspirations for which I write
"sultanate and monarch" is redundant in this phrase, I would just use one
that I love her,
put "tell her" at the beginning of this line
far more than she would ever know.
maybe change "would" to "Will," but I don't know the context here

Bear in mind that poetry is meant to be free form, so you can accept or deny any of these suggestions. Cheers, I liked it

[real robin]

Thank you.

[quick nova]

Hi

[exotic gazelle]

A woman was holding two jars full of water in each hand, one of those jars was being poured in a nearby river, and the other on arid dirt. Whereas the water being poured in the river symbolizes spiritualism and the untouchable world, the water poured on arid dirt symbolizes the opposite; the traditional, "tangible" and corporeal world.

Above the previously introduced woman, a large star outshines than sunlight, bathing the woman with hope and joy.

[faint coral]

The paragraph is good except for the word, "toucheable", which was spelled incorrectly. Change the spelling to "touchable"

[quick nova]

Hi

[heady nova]

A woman was holding two jars full of water in each hand, one of which was being poured in__to__ a nearby river, and the other on arid dirt. Whereas the water being poured in__to__ the river symbolizes spiritualism and the untouchable world, and the water being poured on arid dirt symbolizes the opposite; the traditional, "tangible", and corporeal world.

That's how I'd go about it. I added in the Oxford Comma at the end, because I'm British. I hear even some Americans prefer the OC. 😆

[main vapor]

I look forward to receiving positive response from you as soon as possible. Thank you.
I feel the word "positive" is quite awkward, any more appropriate substitution?

[heady nova]

Positive is fine. You could say helpful, if it helped you. You could also say constructive feedback, if you felt my feedback was constructive.

[exotic gazelle]

I don't understand why you added an "and" before "the water", I didn't mean to put any conjunction between those words because it would sound weird.

And the other "being" I didn't put it because I thought it would sound redundant putting it right after having put another.

[heady nova]

I think I see what you mean, but I'm standing by the added being. Otherwise, it probably seems weird to me, because it's a different clause.

I'm going to town to buy food and drink.
^ Here, I've reused the verb 'buy', because it's one clause, so it sounds natural to me.

I've felt happy and energetic.
^ Here, I'm reusing the verb 'felt' because it's the same clause.

[heady nova]

Because the conjugation links the two clauses. You could use another conjugation. I wasn't entirely sure which one you might've wanted, so I went with 'and'.

Ooooh. I get it. Perhaps it's the word 'whereas' which threw me off. Maybe 'while' would better clear up the confusion.

While X, Y.

[exotic gazelle]

The second "being" added by you I see it good placed, but the "and" I still don't understand why it is there between.