40k-lore-chat

[surreal nest]

you are NOT smarter than the tyranid with an extra brain bug on his back

he is DOUBLE smart. and shit

[soft thunder]

so it's a brain backpack?

[bleak acorn]

looks like a tick

[raven stone]

Imagine converting a radical Inquisitor

Wearing that as a hat

"I am TWICE AS SMART NOW! FOR THE HIVEMIND!"

[celest dome]

Inquisitor that is possessed, has a Necron Mindshackle Scarabs, and a Brain tick

[tough haven]

Styling headwear

[tough haven]

Friend collector

What else mind controls you in 40K?

[outer wave]

Has a gretchin on his head with a small brain squig

[tough haven]

How many can we stack

[outer wave]

Probably a couple more things

[crystal forum]

a surprising amount of things

[arctic talon]

Yeah

[crystal forum]

my monitor is asking me to end its suffering

every time i turn it on it has to flicker and do lots of glitchty stuff for a moment before being ready to go

like warming up

[rose thorn]

lore wise isnt that literally a parasite that pumps drugs into thenid

[dusk patrol]

Ok nerd

[rocky gale]

But looks like brain

[tough haven]

Can we stack all of them?

[crystal forum]

today i learned how to say primaris correctly

thanks SM2

[surreal nest]

prime air us

[tough haven]

Is it out?

[crystal forum]

pre purchase yes

[tough haven]

Cause if so, even though I’m not SM fan, games that are playing as a big guy in armor whacking things is always fun

[tough haven]

Like as in you get to play it?

[crystal forum]

yes

early access

[opaque coyote]

did you play SM1

[tough haven]

No but I know what it was about

[opaque coyote]

You should like SM2 then

[tough haven]

Like I get the general gist

[opaque coyote]

Provided that you don't mind some repetition

Since SM1 also had a problem with that

[tough haven]

I would like fighting orks better though lol, but I don’t wanna buy both, might as well buy the newer one

[opaque coyote]

...wait we play Darktide what am I talking about

Of course we don't mind repetition

[gray umbra]

Is it pree mare es or prie mare es

[opaque coyote]

Prie Mare es I think?

That's how I pronounce it

[tough haven]

Pry mare ess

[crystal forum]

im spending so much time just looking at guard stuff

looks so fucking cool

[winter vessel]

I just saw some fool title his video “Space Marine 2: Ultramarines of Chaos”. When they are just 1k Sons

[gray umbra]

The dark ultramarines

[crystal forum]

yooo clawed sentinel forge world model

[tough haven]

Bro why can’t we get a guard game it would be so easy

And you can easily pull fans from other fps genres like cod and battlefield

Evil ultramarines be like “the codex astartes does support this action”

“Do whatever you want, shit will probably be funny”

[viral halo]

how are we liking the game so far?

[crisp heath]

Are grey knights trained in killing traitor marines as well as demons or just primarily the demons?

[opaque coyote]

They have tried a battlefront clone

Which tbh is probably the best formula for a 40k game

It's dogshit

[tough haven]

They should do it again but better

[opaque coyote]

True

[tough haven]

Or battlefield esque

Like the one with the airship mode

[opaque coyote]

Like the "Heroes" are Space Marines

[tough haven]

But with titans

[opaque coyote]

You could also do like

A War Thunder clone

Maybe it'll actually get some people in since uhh

War Thunder is P2w

[tough haven]

True that would be fun

[opaque coyote]

And nobody can move on from it because

[tough haven]

Is there infantry in war thunder?

[opaque coyote]

It's kinda the only game in that genre

No but Enlisted is similar

It was actually fun

...

[paper haven]

War thunder but instead of shooting the components of a vehicle, it's the organs and systems of a space marine

[opaque coyote]

And then Gajin fucking killed it by being dumbasses

[winter vessel]

I’m enjoying it.

[viral halo]

Enlisted is actually fun af

[tough haven]

Also many 40K fans are just as much military fetishists

As war thunder fans

[viral halo]

most below the age of 18

[opaque coyote]

Tbf War Thunder fans are even more advanced

They literally steal

[viral halo]

if I see someone playing HOI 4 with a black templars pfp and listening to sabaton I just know they're a level 10,000 racist teenager

[opaque coyote]

REAL LIFE TANK BLUEPRINTS

From military databases

[viral halo]

one of the dudes in my discord that is a long time e-friend was one of the leakers

[opaque coyote]

Just so that they could suggest it in war thinder

[viral halo]

very funny

didn't get in any trouble

[opaque coyote]

Like imagine getting your database hacked

Your blueprints are stolen

[viral halo]

had just ordered a box of old documents on ebay and it was filled with classified plane blueprints

[opaque coyote]

You track the perpetrator down

Only to find that they just

Posted the blueprints in a video game forum

[opaque coyote]

I kinda want to try HOI4

But I've never played a game like it

Well I've played Stellaris

But I've always failed because I have no idea what I am doing

[paper haven]

War Thunder players are the masters of backing up their balance problems with proof

[crystal forum]

insane news

SM2 lets you play offline

[tough haven]

Peak as hell

No more live service shit

[near wasp]

And yet they still manage to have a Russian bias

[dusk patrol]

I can’t kinda the guardsmen and augment them with bionics

So, idk, 7/10 I guess

[winter vessel]

I’d give it a 9/10, the only issue I’ve run into was the intro not starting on my first launch of the story

[amber tundra]

Behold, Female Custodes

[plush mason]

what i was expecting honestly

[dusk patrol]

Internet explorer news timing

[amber tundra]

I just woke up to see it

[storm jungle]

Yeah its a custodes

[amber tundra]

Why

[storm jungle]

the Emperor wanted big warrior people

go read the lexicanum idk

[amber tundra]

I mean why now, why fuck up the lore

[storm jungle]

What lore

custodians get shifted on a genetic level, theres nothing to do with gender regarding their creation process

stop treating this nonsense like its legacy lore lol

[winter vessel]

Mate, did you come out of cryo freeze or something? this has been going on for a while

[storm jungle]

It did die down but the animation is waking up all the grognards again

she literally does nothing different that any male custodes would do in this episde lmao

[winter vessel]

I swear, some people need to move on.

[storm jungle]

[amber tundra]

...

[storm jungle]

What now

[young pecan]

...

[storm jungle]

...

[winter vessel]

..

[outer wave]

I present you: pre-4th edition necrons and Squats. Both that had been retconned into what they are now (Post-4th edition necrons and Votaan). Custodes are no exception to this rule.

STOP DOTTING

[storm jungle]

🫥

okay the fuck is this emote

[rocky gale]

Is that the scrub daddy thing?

[storm jungle]

Uhh it sa default one

[winter vessel]

thought that was a pie

[outer wave]

I thought that was one of those cupcake crumb shells

With a face

[young pecan]

NOOO the strong characters have GYATT TO BE MALE, a woman lifting more than me is impossible

[storm jungle]

To be fair if you want that shit just go play SM2

[arctic talon]

All custodes lore is pretty new, and it’s far from a big retcon

[outer wave]

Yeah space marine sex ACTUALLY happens in SM2

[arctic talon]

Considering Necrons got totally rewritten

[storm jungle]

LMAO

[outer wave]

Its really good

[storm jungle]

also speaking of

this game has literally the worst customisation system ive seen

[winter vessel]

is it true that you can peel potato skins with this?

[arctic talon]

Which in turn totally rewrote large chunks of Eldar and Ork lore

[paper haven]

Excuse me?

[storm jungle]

"You want white paint? Go buy the white scars trio-set"

the fuck

[outer wave]

GAY SEX

[rocky gale]

I have no clue

[arctic talon]

[winter vessel]

Halo Infinite: "First time?"

[arctic talon]

Chat is this real

[young pecan]

"Heterosexual" men when you tell them that the buff people faction includes buff women too

[paper haven]

EXCUSE ME?

[storm jungle]

lmfao fuck you

[young pecan]

Is that too far of a joke

[outer wave]

GAY SEX

[storm jungle]

I love the IRL trope where people that hate this stuff are usually into it too 💀

its like ben shapiro reacting to that femboy maid video

[paper haven]

That is. Quite the leap from the first game.

[storm jungle]

I mean have you seen those primaris asses

holy shit

[leaden pilot]

say gex

[outer wave]

Titus saw that Rubicae and went 😏

[young pecan]

FOR REAL

[paper haven]

Wait, between Space marines?

[leaden pilot]

Phobos armor got some cheeks ngl

[young pecan]

hold on I have the perfect meme for this

[storm jungle]

Yes??? Who else?

are you implying women can get between Astartes having sex?

[storm jungle]

^

seriously who the fuck modelled those

GYATT

[winter vessel]

2nd reason why i like this class

[outer wave]

GYATT GYATT GYATT

[arctic talon]

It’s model accurate

[paper haven]

I dunno. There are other characters in these games

[arctic talon]

Lol

[leaden pilot]

That's not cake, that's a whole damn bakery

[paper haven]

I suppose that explains why the community is losing their minds

[storm jungle]

the hilarious part is like

firstborn had their asses covered

it was literally a fucking box

here its just fully fibre-clad

[young pecan]

I can't find it but this works too

[storm jungle]

LMAO

you mean most of SM2's fanbase?

💀

[paper haven]

That made me laugh

[storm jungle]

theres also already people going "I DONT WANNA PLAY A BLACK PERSON" for the Operations mode

[winter vessel]

psychological warfare. the enemy will be just in awe which gives the astartes time to kill em

[shell mason]

bro wtf

I just got here

[leaden pilot]

it was a crime covering those cheeks

[arctic talon]

Tbf it’s covered up on the normal MKX armor as well

Phobos has no ass plate

[shell mason]

then customize your character ya dumb fuck

[paper haven]

I can't say I approve for practical reasons.

[storm jungle]

you cant change the ethnicity lmao

thats what they mean

since they are pre-set dudes

[shell mason]

wgas

[winter vessel]

ain't a big deal for me

I am indifferent as to what ethnicity i'm playing. Why? because i care about head safety. Fuck the wind that blows against my hair i'm not trying to catch a bullet.

[storm jungle]

Well yeah because you are a normal person

[arctic talon]

I dislike how they have their helmets off by default

[young pecan]

Tell me it's not true

[arctic talon]

No bareheadedness

Smh

[paper haven]

Ah don't worry. The mods will fix things. Or make them worse. Probably both

[young pecan]

I wonder what salamander skin feels like

I wanna smack a bald salamander

[shell mason]

Brother I literally go outside for bowling, drinking, work, and the gym

[storm jungle]

Sir

this is a Wendy's

[arctic talon]

It looks rough

Ngl

[winter vessel]

MR. ANDERSON-agent Smith

[paper haven]

If customization is possible, I make my character look like me. If not, I pick the one I like the most

[shell mason]

wat am I looking at exactly?

[storm jungle]

Steam..............

https://tenor.com/view/cat-steam-gif-17126246368493917777

[shell mason]

ew gay

[rocky gale]

Oh yea if you buy the game through Steam it then launches through Epic game store

[outer wave]

On the steam forums, aside from that one post I put in here, Im not seeing too much of this

[shell mason]

gang shit

[paper haven]

Am I reading this right?

[storm jungle]

yeah its pre-launch it got drowned out

[outer wave]

Good

[storm jungle]

also uh

why are people complaining about Epic

[shell mason]

cause

[paper haven]

I have an issue with one game store leading me to another

[outer wave]

Apparently it adds on an Epic Multiplayer Framework thingy and they didnt say that you needed this

[shell mason]

https://tenor.com/view/goku-prowler-meme-goku-meme-gif-9178081420425689616

[outer wave]

But uh yeah its not the whole launcher

Least from what I understand

[viral halo]

the game getting review bombed bc of epic is ridiculous

schizo gamers are legit the worst

[shell mason]

pretty simple witchfinder

[viral halo]

who fucking cares your machine has chinese spyware

[gray umbra]

Is this about space marine 2

[viral halo]

show me something that doesn't

[shell mason]

yes

[paper haven]

Having to get another launcher might make me wait for a bit.

[gray umbra]

Lol wtf

[shell mason]

just get it on Playstation

[winter vessel]

Like i always said, there's gonna be some bitching over miniscule issues even before official release

[viral halo]

1. my PC can't run it
2. Troll reviews about no women characters
3. no ultrawide support
4. installs epic DRM to play multiplayer MUH CHINA

This sums up the review bombing

Leaving a negative review because your shitbox can't run it always perplexes me

[gray umbra]

I get the ultrawide one

[viral halo]

I get the UW one too

[gray umbra]

Think its too much personally but i kinda get it

[winter vessel]

I'm just waiting for the Meltdown reviews Hellwhiners are going to give when they play this

[shell mason]

1. Skill issue
2. look up lore
3. skill issue
4. OOF, play it on PS 5

[paper haven]

In general, the always online thing bugs me

[winter vessel]

there is going to be thousands of players confused as fuck on the lore.

[rocky gale]

Bro wants me to buy a PS5

[crystal forum]

you can play campaign offline at least

but it's not on by default

also there's a ton of female guardsmen

[paper haven]

And I'm not gonna buy a console for just one game. Way too expensive for what looks to be an ok game

[viral halo]

I bought my console just for College Football 25

[storm jungle]

THE FEMOIDS HAVE INVADED MY GAME

[crystal forum]

im running the game perfectly told yall

[winter vessel]

this was my impulsive thought when I saw Ghost of Tsushima be a PS exclusive. But now that its available on PC my patience paid off

[crystal forum]

skill issue

[paper haven]

Are they mad because women are present or because they aren't present I'm confused

[viral halo]

there are layers of trolling

[crystal forum]

it's all trolls

[storm jungle]

Im just joking

lol

[crystal forum]

the people who pretend to be offended about stuff are like the most obvious trolls

[viral halo]

Dilara actually hates women and is a diehard anti Woke advocate

[paper haven]

All trolls all the way down

[storm jungle]

hey im not Eternal

[paper haven]

I knew it

[storm jungle]

average texan

or detroit

i forgot where he was from

[viral halo]

Wow, I called this reply from a mile away

[storm jungle]

KEK

[winter vessel]

ooo that burned harder than Prospero

[crystal forum]

melta guns suck btw

[storm jungle]

ITS NOT A BURN ITS LITERALLY TRUE

[crystal forum]

im very disappointed

[storm jungle]

haha get owned

[viral halo]

I think the melta is fun!

[rocky gale]

I will exclusively play Gravis

[winter vessel]

I'm still getting used to the Parry, I made the mistake of my skill in For Honor would pay off the same way in SM2

[paper haven]

Cooked like Vulkan falling through atmosphere

[storm jungle]

^^^^^^^^^^^^

[viral halo]

Vulkan more like mcully Culkan amirtie

[storm jungle]

Macaulay Vulkan?

[crystal forum]

you get surrounded very easily and your health goes down very fast

[viral halo]

enough

[storm jungle]

fuck you

[storm jungle]

yeah this too

[viral halo]

[paper haven]

Don't get surrounded then

[viral halo]

I just want to play as a boy in gravis armor

[crystal forum]

i wont comment too much on gameplay because could be skill issue but it's kinda weird to get used to

[storm jungle]

nah you are right

[viral halo]

I've heard in general the controls are hard to get used to

[storm jungle]

the system is really weird

YEP

it is

[rocky gale]

I will be Gravis and use Heavy Plasma Incinerator

[viral halo]

but that once you do it's like playing guitar hero

[rocky gale]

And I will be happy

[winter vessel]

the moment i see an execution available and i'm about to die: C'MERE BITCH

[storm jungle]

like im playing jump-pack

and theres like

10 fucking commands

HOVER

SHOOT HOVER

JUMP

[viral halo]

Jump pack tech

[crystal forum]

and it barely gives health

like why

[storm jungle]

removing HP from executions was the dumbest move

i legit hate it

[viral halo]

Thankfully I played fighting games so I know how to memorize button inputs to the point of suffering

[paper haven]

They took away execution health gains?

[rocky gale]

All my Pharah gameplay has prepared me for this

[paper haven]

WHY?

[crystal forum]

you use syringes for health and you only find like 2 at a time. they give like 1/4 of the health bar

[winter vessel]

and it's weird, aren't normal kills supposed to regenerate health?

[crystal forum]

like just go with the doom system

everybody loved the doom system

[paper haven]

It encourages aggressive close range play

[storm jungle]

thats how it was in SM1

[winter vessel]

Oh is that what they call it? I used to call it the Kratos System

[crystal forum]

you get mulched by ranged guys

[paper haven]

You know, like how a space marine would fight.

[crystal forum]

especially those fucking big nids that fart green from their chest

[storm jungle]

most lore accurate presentation

charging into a gaunt swarm

5s later you got beetle ammo eating your eyeballs

[paper haven]

Skill issue

[crystal forum]

idk it's prob skill issue i'll keep trying

[winter vessel]

the Rippers remind me of the Scarabs from the Mummy films

[paper haven]

Those things scared the hell out of me

[storm jungle]

Mummy?

try Uncharted 3

[paper haven]

PlayStation exclusive, see above

[storm jungle]

[crystal forum]

i'm prob going to reduce diff to normal

it's just not satisfying on hard

[storm jungle]

also the more you get later in the game the more elites show up

so it becomes even more of a slog

[winter vessel]

damn, and i'm playing on Normal

[storm jungle]

same

lmao

[paper haven]

Sounds like I should wait for mods

[crystal forum]

they'll prob tweak stuff

[winter vessel]

I nearly bit the dust by that Lictor trying to snag my balls in that level

[crystal forum]

the game isn't set in stone

[storm jungle]

I only survived because i was playing with a friend

[rocky gale]

Easy mode please

https://tenor.com/view/barbie-ryan-gosling-glasses-margot-robbie-handsome-gif-13665100648649288173

[storm jungle]

it fucking slaughtered us almost lmao

also another thing

man these "customisation" options give me cancer christ

[winter vessel]

at least you got someone to play with. 😦

[leaden pilot]

There's going to be mod support?

[storm jungle]

please give me firstborn shit PLEASE

[paper haven]

I unno

[storm jungle]

this game is way too complex

i doubt there will be mods

lol

[crystal forum]

the game starts with firstborn stuff

[storm jungle]

idgaf

give em to me now

instead of primaris slop

[paper haven]

Probably not, but Warhammer fans are insane so

[rocky gale]

Primaris cooler

[leaden pilot]

Yeah they should stay in the cooler

[paper haven]

Gonna be honest, I barely even know what primaris are

[winter vessel]

Gen Z astartes

[crystal forum]

i will go unbox my predator model which is more expensive than a new video game

thanks GW for your benevolence

[paper haven]

I figured that much out

[gray umbra]

Lol zoomer marines

[rocky gale]

The funny thing is most Primaris are actually older than the Firstborn

[gray umbra]

How do you do fellow youngsters

[crystal forum]

cryogenic time doesnt count

[paper haven]

Aren't most of them originally from pre-heresy?

[winter vessel]

Primaris: "so I told that Skibidi Xenos" Venerable Dreadnought: "SHUT TF UP"

[rocky gale]

Yea, Cawl's been collecting and converting them for 10 thousand years, there's a lot of pre heresy and immediately post heresy

[paper haven]

So great that that they weren't available during the previous ten thousand years

[crystal forum]

doesnt count they were all frozen

also doing nothing

[paper haven]

Could have prevented a lot of bull shit

[winter vessel]

I pity Alpha Primus

[crystal forum]

they were waiting the 40k reboot

[rocky gale]

They didn't have permission

Were waiting

[paper haven]

Like those alpha legion Marines on terra?

[crystal forum]

all looking at the GW sales graph for the right moment

[rocky gale]

The Codex Astartes did not permit their release

[paper haven]

Can you imagine if another primarch made them? Like the Lion? Or Russ?

They'd have been deployed day 1

[crystal forum]

dont question it too much it sucks to think about

[storm jungle]

Man those alpha legion marines huh haha

couldnt be me

[arctic talon]

Cawl kidnapped a lot of kids post heresy

lol

[storm jungle]

[arctic talon]

a large chunk of Primaris knew the 30k Imperium

[crystal forum]

what's your custom chapter called

[arctic talon]

though Cawl was kidnapping kids for a while

[paper haven]

Of course not

[arctic talon]

LOL

[arctic talon]

ah yes the renowned sons of the hydra

[winter vessel]

boy looking like a Tropical Skittles bag

[rocky gale]

Of course Dilara is a Loyalist Alpha Marine

[paper haven]

Loyalist?

[crystal forum]

dilara got the baja blast

[storm jungle]

honestly i mostly picked this because AL got a great scheme

[crystal forum]

looks trustworthy

[paper haven]

Iron snakes?

[crystal forum]

is that a raven guard

[rocky gale]

Na, Iron snakes are like silver

[paper haven]

Why would an alpha legion marine dress like an alpha legion marine?

[winter vessel]

They don’t have the cross design for the Fire Angels do they?

[storm jungle]

because they are sexy shut up

ALSO WHAT DO YOU MEAN WHY

THATS LITERALLY HOW THEY LOOK IN THE LORE

IN THEIR OWN SCHEME

[paper haven]

Kinda counter productive don't ya think?

[crystal forum]

is that how you paint your models dilara

oh wait

[storm jungle]

i dont paint

im not a slop whale

[paper haven]

We must operate in complete secrecy. Here let me plaster my identity all over my armor

[storm jungle]

yeah but it looks cool

so shut up!!!!

🗣️

[winter vessel]

Think I’ll just make a simple Crimson Fists

[crystal forum]

wait you're telling me people get into warhammer without buying plastic crack?

[storm jungle]

[storm jungle]

you can actually color your powerfist

so you are lucky

[paper haven]

Man, these ultramarines are acting kinda funny huh?

[winter vessel]

Yay! Spanish chapter here I come!

[storm jungle]

enjoy buying your paint scheme from totally unrelated chapters for no reason

[paper haven]

Loyalist world eaters here I come

[storm jungle]

[storm jungle]

god thats my next aim

[radiant lance]

Is there a chapter that's coloured hot pink?

[winter vessel]

Thank goodness I got my check yesterday cries in wallet

[paper haven]

Emperor's children

[crystal forum]

rainbow marines

[paper haven]

I plan to buy a chaos army painted exactly like a world eaters army but using alpha legion protocol

[rocky gale]

No

[radiant lance]

https://wh40k.lexicanum.com/wiki/Rainbow_Warriors

They're just smurfs

[crystal forum]

the fruity fighters

[winter vessel]

Crayola Eaters

[radiant lance]

I need more of this in my life

[paper haven]

There's marines too?

[rocky gale]

Hawk Lords?

Na it's more purple

[winter vessel]

They look like they want to share the magic of Friendship, whether you like it or not

[radiant lance]

You will accept our ways of friendship by force

[paper haven]

Wasn't there a significant crossing of my little pony and the 40k fandom?

[winter vessel]

Purple Nurple Marines

[gray umbra]

All i know is theres art

Idk how big it was

[radiant lance]

https://www.reddit.com/user/Sparqman/comments/14oagab/space_marine_chapters_sorted_by_color_july_2023/#lightbox

[paper haven]

1d4chan wouldn't shit up about it

[radiant lance]

https://warhammer40k.fandom.com/wiki/Gorgons

Awww yeah
Lime green marines

[crystal forum]

wait until medieval settings learn how fruity actual knights looked

[radiant lance]

Apparently there's a "White Panthers" chapter

But no "black panthers" chapter

[winter vessel]

I just did a double take reading that

[opaque coyote]

I love that one interaction where the Custodes gave a woman his cloak cause she was cold

And then the Sister of Battle next to him immediately began praising him

and he was like

"dude stop being weird"

[winter vessel]

Gotta be like a queen sized Bed covering

[radiant lance]

https://wh40k.lexicanum.com/wiki/White_Panthers

[opaque coyote]

Yeah I don't even think he gave the whole thing

He basically just ripped off a chunk of it

[winter vessel]

It’s rare for me to see Custodes act very empathetic

[crystal forum]

makes sense that custodes have actual empathy

[storm jungle]

copyright reasons prob lol

GW is the same company that removed "Stormtroopers" as a name

[radiant lance]

Also like the Black Panthers movement

[storm jungle]

that too lmao

[crystal forum]

is storm trooper even copyrighted

by star wars

[radiant lance]

Ngl, I was thinking about the Black Panthers movement and not the Marvel Hero

[crystal forum]

it's also an animal

[paper haven]

That's pretty funny

[paper haven]

Aw they did? Is that why they're called grenadiers now?

[gray umbra]

god damn

people really are review bombing sm2

[storm jungle]

it will get fixed its fine

[storm jungle]

Uh okay long story short

[winter vessel]

The only thing they’re good at it in life

[radiant lance]

https://trademarks.justia.com/789/59/stormtrooper-78959950.html

[paper haven]

I mean, I get it. Copyright

[storm jungle]

Originally all Guardsmen regiments or at least big ones had elite trooper detachments called Stormtroopers, literally just hotshot using elite troops.

GW just changed it and also invented Scions ontop of that.

Inquisitorial stormtroopers were also a thing and completley different

but they also got squatted

so all you get is Scions lol

[gray umbra]

cooler soldier guy

[paper haven]

Yep. I recall noticing the naming had changed and wondered about it

[radiant lance]

Tempest Warrior time

[paper haven]

GW can't sue you for copyright if they can't get a copyright in the first place

[opaque coyote]

Custodes are closer to people perfected

Rather than weapons

Although they are 100% used as weapons

They are also poets, artists, etc.

[storm jungle]

It depends on the Custodes.

every single Custodian is his or her own person

[opaque coyote]

Basically unlike the Space Marines, they actually have hobbies.

[paper haven]

Yeah, custodes are as much ambassadors and assassins as they are warriors

[storm jungle]

Yeah pretty much

[opaque coyote]

True. Some are more focused on their job while others try to focus on different things.

The only similarity is

#1) They big and stronk

[paper haven]

They debate philosophy, write poetry, all that stupid stuff

[storm jungle]

some are straight up emotionless assholes while another is a jolly golden giant lol

[winter vessel]

And this book encompasses their whole name

[opaque coyote]

2. All loyal to the Emperor to the point where they can't even think of betraying him

[gray umbra]

do you think they have a dating scene

[opaque coyote]

Must be a new custodes tbh

[storm jungle]

Uhhh

[gray umbra]

or are they not allowed to have relationships

[storm jungle]

it would prob exist

Deffo not allowed

lmao

[paper haven]

That TTS episode where kitten had to give his full name

[opaque coyote]

They probably can but they probably don't want to

[winter vessel]

they'd crush you in bed

[rocky gale]

Yall think the Custodes barracks just ends up like the dorm rooms at the Olympics

[storm jungle]

LMAO

[opaque coyote]

Well that, and I'm pretty sure similar to SMs, they're pretty much Asexual.

[storm jungle]

BRUH

[gray umbra]

[paper haven]

They get pretty close to the sisters of silence but from what I've seen they are married to their job, so to speak

[rocky gale]

Like you put 1000 perfectly crafted enhanced being in a palace, they gonna do things

[storm jungle]

Astartes arent asexual

[winter vessel]

they got one custodes doing the moves Raygun did

[storm jungle]

they are just mentally virgins

thye understand romance they just dont really get it

[opaque coyote]

Or maybe they're so perfected that any baseline human just looks ugly.

[storm jungle]

aka like me

[gray umbra]

this is probably the best way i have seen someone word it

[tough haven]

100% of their brain is used towards pursuing their passions, they dont have any time for sex

[storm jungle]

it literally is what it is too lmao

[tough haven]

custodes I mean

[storm jungle]

literally also me

tho my mindset is more

"Why get a boyfriend when he would cut into my gaming time"

[tough haven]

"silence wench, I must complete my masterpiece"

[storm jungle]

[opaque coyote]

I mean that sounds like they're aroace. Like they know what romance is, they just don't care/get it.

[paper haven]

Disregard women, acquire new names

[tough haven]

Or they could game with you?

[tough haven]

Need more names

however, getting in a relationship gets you names/nicknames

[rocky gale]

Very modest

[paper haven]

Don't tell the custodes that

[paper haven]

https://tenor.com/view/we-got-him-john-oliver-gif-10407619

[tough haven]

I actually like custodes incredibly competitively and aggressively dating

[opaque coyote]

I mean seriously tho. The Eldar basically see humanity as a bunch of clumsy idiots that sort of look like them

[tough haven]

speedrun to get more names

[opaque coyote]

I'm pretty sure the Custodes would probably view baselines the same

[gray umbra]

i've set my expectations so that at some point, some gw writer will get the idea to have a eisenhorn/bequin relationship between a custodes and something else

[paper haven]

When a casual relationship meets a professional relationship

[gray umbra]

like its there but they dont act on it

[opaque coyote]

Since y'know they're even more graceful and efficient than the SMs

[gray umbra]

or cant

[crisp heath]

I would not want to date a custodes

[gray umbra]

brb applying to gw to write fanfic

[opaque coyote]

The first date is just them stating their name

[winter vessel]

I'd see that more on the Aquilan Shield Aspect( favorite by the way). Where the Golden Banana Heads have to protect a young child who is an orphan

[crisp heath]

You would ALWAYS play play second to their fanatical loyalty to the emperor

[paper haven]

Every Thursday they would do a blood game on you

[crisp heath]

You would never be their first priority 😔

[paper haven]

They keep asking if they look good for the emperor.

[tough haven]

Why is like 85% of factions/characters in 40k some flavor of ASD spectrum, I dont not like it, Im just now realizing how its a trend

[opaque coyote]

...I mean unless if you go to the throne room and

[paper haven]

At your wedding, you'd be the best man

[opaque coyote]

let's just hope that the emperor likes watching

[gray umbra]

because 40k is all about extremes

[winter vessel]

they just have a little bowtie attached to their chestplate

[crisp heath]

You walk into the room and just

Turn to dust

[tough haven]

nevermind I fucking love it

[crisp heath]

From being around the guy

[opaque coyote]

Perturabo moment.

[tough haven]

Dude its fucking all he does

its definitely his kink

[opaque coyote]

Dorn moment

I'm not sure if Fulgrim counts.

[tough haven]

Even non imperials

[gray umbra]

fulgrim just has a bad case of railroad

[paper haven]

Perty is a unique case

[opaque coyote]

Actually he doesn't. Before the whole Laer Blade thing, he doesn't seem to autistic

He actually seems normal(ish)

[tough haven]

All space marines

[gray umbra]

yeah

[tough haven]

most custodes

mechanicus

[gray umbra]

the only reason he fell was because penis sword

[paper haven]

Never pick up the penis sword

[opaque coyote]

Imagine having one Custodes be a social butterfly. And their struggle to try and actually make friends

[paper haven]

Don't talk to daemons

[opaque coyote]

They end up having to go to the sewers

[winter vessel]

what really happened between the Phoenix and the Gorgon during the Heresy: "Fulgrim! Cease this madness! you're scaring the ladies!"

[tough haven]

But come ooooon, its the penis sword, its so fucking funny

[paper haven]

Stop listening to Erebus

[crisp heath]

Tbf

[tough haven]

itll be hilarious to stab people with it

[paper haven]

It's not difficult, people

[crisp heath]

Custodes would be the best social butterfly ever if they wanted too

[gray umbra]

i mean im sure they do it anyway

[tough haven]

aggressive socialization

[gray umbra]

everyones having some conversation and the custodes are wallflowers

[crisp heath]

They would know every single thing you love and your hyper fixations

[paper haven]

New mission: win popularity contest

[opaque coyote]

Would it just be a bigger version of the phallic weapon in Cyberpunk 2077

[crisp heath]

And would mention them strategically to make you like them more

[winter vessel]

you ain't a real Legend unless you beat A. Smasher with that thing

[opaque coyote]

Seriously though imagine the Laer Blade just being a giant "toy"

[paper haven]

Kinda reminds me of that comic where a guy tells his friend to follow his dreams and the friend instead, gets angry and follows his friends dream instead.

[crisp heath]

I won’t

[opaque coyote]

"Firstly Dorn, I cannot die"

"Secondly, I will SMACK YOU WITH MA DICK"

• Fulgrim quote real trust me

[paper haven]

No need to imagine. It for sure was.

[gray umbra]

how else could he have decapitated ferrus manus

[crisp heath]

I wish Fulgrim was cool and slanesh wasn’t real

[gray umbra]

he genuinely was cool

[tough haven]

Yeah but daemonic to slowly make you only make dick jokes where no one can stand to be around you

[gray umbra]

was being the key term

[opaque coyote]

I just wish Fulgrim didn't fall because of a stupid blade.

[paper haven]

Which is why Fulgrim should have taken one look at that chamber, fucked off and bombed the planet into oblivion

[opaque coyote]

Like there was a better reason

same with Horus

with the dagger

[gray umbra]

horus is at least a little believable with his motivations just

[tough haven]

biggest lesson of 40k, dont pick up random weapons

[gray umbra]

the dagger

is dumb

[tough haven]

theres a reason someone dropped it

[crisp heath]

Farsight is doing well with his random weapon pickup tbf

[tough haven]

clonegrim

[opaque coyote]

why are there two primarchs that fell due to random cursed weapons i swear

[tough haven]

bro won the lottery on cursed weapons

[opaque coyote]

he rolled a nat 20

[crisp heath]

Real

[gray umbra]

someone read elric and kept inserting it in all their work

[opaque coyote]

also being a Tau probably helped

[crystal forum]

you can count ferrus since he died as a result of the fulgrim blade

[tough haven]

Just be unaware of the curse like farsight, seems to work pretty well

[tough haven]

its also not a daemonic weapon

[opaque coyote]

yeah wasn't it necron?

[crisp heath]

I wish iron hands had lore

[opaque coyote]

they do tho

[tough haven]

no, its unnamed minor xenos

ancient though

[crisp heath]

Wonder when the last time they were featured in a game

[opaque coyote]

cool

[paper haven]

If I had a nickel for every time a primarch fell to chaos because of a cursed weapon, I'd have two nickels. Which isn't a lot but it's weird that it happened twice.

[tough haven]

the blade is made of a material that steals the lifespan left off of what you kill

[opaque coyote]

i don't think they ever were

[storm jungle]

THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS BAREFEET

IN AN ENGINE DECK

[gray umbra]

grippers

[tough haven]

Its his penance

[crisp heath]

PREORDER

[opaque coyote]

ya gonna blam him

[crisp heath]

KILL THEM

[tough haven]

laugh at this user

[paper haven]

Disgusting

[winter vessel]

put them dogs away

[tough haven]

Bro could not wait for 3 days

[storm jungle]

Im keeping an 👁️ on him

[gray umbra]

bro i am sitting here and deliberating on whether i should be financially irresponsible

[crisp heath]

Dude got the power fist on lmao

[winter vessel]

aw yes, this is the perfect meme shot

[opaque coyote]

I LOVE HOW HE LOOKS SO UNCOMFORTABLE

LOOK AT HIS FACE AHAHAH

[tough haven]

I already was, I bought the regular version

[crisp heath]

I’d like the power fist if you could dual wield them

[crystal forum]

he's got the amazon worker muzzle

[winter vessel]

were it a night lords, "I'm gonna skin you in your sleep..."

[paper haven]

Bro is having a bad time trying to act normal

[gray umbra]

fuck it

[opaque coyote]

"WHY IS THERE A SPACE MARINE BEHIND ME. I JUST WANT TO DO MY JOB"

"YOU HAVE NO SHOES"

"I DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY FOR SHOES!"

[winter vessel]

“Serf, did you leave the sink running?”

[paper haven]

Just be cool. He'll get bored and leave

[opaque coyote]

"Serf, did you remember to turn off the oven?"

[crystal forum]

serf, do you have skittles?

[storm jungle]

Giving the homies a back massage

[gray umbra]

honestly

[winter vessel]

now it just looks like he's in pain but is too afraid to tell the Marine despite his good intentions

[paper haven]

Imagine a space marine trying to make people more comfortable but actually just making it so much worse

[gray umbra]

getting your muscles worked by a power fist must be

[crisp heath]

Witch is the game fun?

[gray umbra]

cant have back pain if you no longer have a back

[opaque coyote]

I mean tbf Custodes deal with that

Like again, the cloak scene

[winter vessel]

for all we know his shoulder blades got disintegrated in three seconds by that power fist

[opaque coyote]

That must happen to them so much tbh

[crystal forum]

my vertebrae are cracking with delight

[paper haven]

Yeah but they can actually comfort people from time to time

[opaque coyote]

Like imagine doing anything and then people are just

bowing down and worshipping you

kissing the ground you walk on

You decide to go out the palace for a 5 minute walk

[crisp heath]

I think watching one custodes go to town on a chaos feudal world would be nuts

[opaque coyote]

all the people immediately lick your fucking auramite legs

[opaque coyote]

LITERALLY

[crystal forum]

tell me more

keep going

[crisp heath]

Lmao

GOLLUMTIDE WORLD WIDE!

[paper haven]

Ok so. Naval corpsmen wear rank insignia that are shiny, which makes them look like officers to marines. So when they go outside there's always one or two guys that salutes them. They get pretty mad about it.

[gray umbra]

when the servos deactivate and you can finally release your grippers from your powered greaves after a 30 day conflict

[opaque coyote]

Actually that probably goes the same for SMs tbh

Just replace Auramite with Ceramite

[gray umbra]

[opaque coyote]

[winter vessel]

I just can't with the Ultramarine Sergeant's name. Everytime I look at it I read "Galadriel" from Tolkien's universe

[crystal forum]

sire can i take your groin guard for safekeeping

[opaque coyote]

Tbh I almost want female SMs just to piss people off

Like just make it official

[paper haven]

She ruined lord of the rings now she's coming for 40k!

[gray umbra]

same tbh

[opaque coyote]

It would be funny

Although I actually like Femstodes. Mainly because it gives more modeling opportunties

[crystal forum]

i keep reading that one guy's name as sharon

[opaque coyote]

Also because it also further nails the difference between the SMs and Custodes tbh

The Custodes are meant to actually be people.

Brainwashed people

But still people

[winter vessel]

Now I want to see Brother Billy

[opaque coyote]

They can paint, dance, laugh, sing

The SMs also can. But they're too focused on battle

[paper haven]

I feel like space Marines raised from necromunda should be female, as they tend to be the more physically powerful group there

[opaque coyote]

They're weapons at the end of the day

[opaque coyote]

...

actually

that's a good idea

[paper haven]

Right?

[winter vessel]

House Escher?

[opaque coyote]

although you're gonna have to somehow handwave the geneseed incompatibility with women

[rocky gale]

Necromunda is a recruiting world for the Imperial Fists

[opaque coyote]

since that is written lore

geneseed just doesn't work with women

[paper haven]

Yeah. It's lore accurate and a pretty cool tie in to necromunda

[crystal forum]

it was never really brought up much

[rocky gale]

So you're suggest Clan Escher Imperial Fists

[opaque coyote]

Yes.

[crystal forum]

it's not like they say every rule book that astartes cant be women

[opaque coyote]

That sounds awesome

[crisp heath]

Custodes are hand made so I can see how they can be women

[opaque coyote]

True.

You can just say that Cawl's Primaris project also allowed the other gender to become SMs tbh

Because like tbh. That would be a big deal logistically

[crisp heath]

But dudes who say “we already have women super soldiers, the sisters of battle!” Are kinda just ignoring these aren’t the same thing

[opaque coyote]

It would open for a bunch of new recruits

[paper haven]

I hear that the chances of failure are just higher with women. It's not impossible just impractical, which might be the opposite case with clan Escher

[opaque coyote]

I always thought because of the extra organs and the like

[rocky gale]

Behold, the old lore

[opaque coyote]

Sisters of Battle should also get more varying designs tbh

At least give them different colors like the SMs bro

[paper haven]

Remember that 1 in 100 adolescent boys in peak physical condition survive the process.
With men and women, you legit have a higher chance of surviving getting shot in the head

[winter vessel]

Eh. I'm fine having Nuns With Guns. I knew a co-worker of mine who did 40k, and he had his younger sister present with him during a table top match. He told her that the Sisters were brave warrior women trying to fight off the bad guy named Abby(because she had a hard time pronouncing his name).

[rose thorn]

I don’t think that’s even true anymore, pretty sure emperor just made a sexist remark as his excuse for no female space marines

[crisp heath]

Nah I mean you can have both

[opaque coyote]

Ah Emps, what a swell guy!

Just like Kharn!

[crisp heath]

No female primarchs either

[opaque coyote]

Honestly my personal headcanon is that the Emperor just... didn't want to make the Geneseed compatible with women due to rushing.

[crisp heath]

Emperor is the ultimate incel

[opaque coyote]

Like it's the equivalent of coding an entire program

[crisp heath]

No women allowed

[opaque coyote]

and then figuring out that it doesn't work on a specific use case

But it works on the one you're working for

so

[rose thorn]

He just said like

[opaque coyote]

"fuck it"

and called it done

[rose thorn]

‘Brothers will get along better’

[crisp heath]

Wonder if there were female thunder warriors

[opaque coyote]

Boys will be boys~

[rose thorn]

https://tenor.com/view/warhammer40k-horus-heresy-gif-25203003

[opaque coyote]

Probably but tbf being a Thunder Warrior sucked ass

[paper haven]

Horus heresy: Boys being boys

[opaque coyote]

Especially with the

cancer

insanity

[sacred ginkgo]

Probably something along the lines of being incapable of controlling their numbers if there were women (but this is basically invalid because he could just have mods make them infertile)

[opaque coyote]

your very body decaying

did I mention the cancer?

[paper haven]

Super cancer

[crisp heath]

My real question is

[paper haven]

Plus mental cancer

[opaque coyote]

Also you generally just become a dickhead if you become a TW. Like... even more than the average SM

You basically become a Marines Malevolent

At minimum

[crisp heath]

How did the emperor make custodes in the bombed out hell that was mad max techno barbarian earth

[paper haven]

Plus: You're fighting on Long night terra

[crisp heath]

Where did he get resources?

[opaque coyote]

Honestly I always thought he had some in storage

[crisp heath]

Did he just have them all hidden under mt Rushmore or some

[opaque coyote]

Like during the DAoT

And it's not like he couldn't make more. It's just hard to mass produce

[paper haven]

Terra had no shortage of tech. That was sort of the problem

[opaque coyote]

Like despite the Emperor being the Emperor

He is just one man

[crisp heath]

It’s also very resource intensive

And he was in mad max earth

[paper haven]

The emperor had like, a dozen custodes at the time

[opaque coyote]

I think he was focused on loyalty and quality first for the first takeover

And then started doing the TW after he got a foothold

[gray umbra]

https://tenor.com/view/choice-perfect-selection-cursor-button-gif-7693431

[paper haven]

Eloquently put

[opaque coyote]

TW were also stronger than SMs I believe?

Like physically

But much shorter lived, couldn't follow orders

[crisp heath]

Wonder what would have happened if humanity never had its dark night with the robots

[opaque coyote]

also the super cancer

[crystal forum]

by a wide margin

[opaque coyote]

The Eldar wouldn't have fallen, and Humanity would also have no psykers

[paper haven]

Like, 1 v 5 the Thunder warrior wins

[crystal forum]

how strong thunder warriors were is more contested with if they can beat custodes

they can unquestionably beat space marines

[opaque coyote]

The Age of Strife was basically a clusterfuck of many problems

Happening

The Men of Iron were actually just one among many

many others

[crisp heath]

I don’t think a thunder warrior can beat a custodes

[paper haven]

Except for that one world eater who killed a custodian. In full armor. while being unarmed and unarmored.

[storm jungle]

Oh yeah i forgot

who here was asking for different lens colors in SM2

lol

[crisp heath]

Was he kharn?

[storm jungle]

@wintry scarab wait i remembered its you

[paper haven]

He was not kharn

[crisp heath]

Malding

[paper haven]

Just a random ass world eater sergeant

[storm jungle]

heres your full helmet lineup pal, look at that variety

[paper haven]

Who then got killed by a human with a katana

[crystal forum]

kill him with fire

[crisp heath]

I feel like a space marine even more an unarmored one would be like a 13 year old kid fighting a mma champion in its prime

For fighting a custodes

[paper haven]

So, just to be clear
Ninja assassin > world eater > custodes

[gray umbra]

holy shit you can keep your helmet on during the camapign

[crystal forum]

yeah

[winter vessel]

yes

[crystal forum]

it's based

[crisp heath]

I can’t buy it early, I have to go to work😔

Woe, wagie life upon me

[paper haven]

Woe

[winter vessel]

I'm glad today was my day off from work,

[crystal forum]

im mixed that my ear infection gave me this opportunity

but also somebody please stop the ringing i cant take it anymore

[crisp heath]

I gotta work 8 days a week

[paper haven]

Sounds like you're being lazy

[crisp heath]

Underperforming

[crystal forum]

get those numbers up

[crystal forum]

im space marine height apparently

[paper haven]

Lies

Under 6 foot is a dwarf

[crisp heath]

Prove it, send your credit card information

[paper haven]

Under 5'7 is a child

[crystal forum]

true i'm actually closer to 6'2 😔

im a sham

[crisp heath]

I was scammed by my genes

My brothers are 6’2 and 6’1, I’m 5’11 and probably getting shorter

[winter vessel]

aw man, I'm 5'6, I'm two away from helldiver status

[crystal forum]

i hate being tall dont worry

[sacred ginkgo]

Good

[crystal forum]

short kings

[paper haven]

Is the weather any different up there?

[crystal forum]

no the back problems are

[crisp heath]

I’ve met a 6’11 person before

[sacred ginkgo]

Smoky as hell

[sour hornet]

Don't they?

[crisp heath]

The world is not built for him

He is too big

[sour hornet]

Argent Shroud sisters and Bloody Rose sisters look different

[crisp heath]

Most cars are too small and most buildings are too

5’7 is average male height

Worldwide

[crystal forum]

i dont see heavy bolt pistols ever used by humans

why is that

[sour hornet]

I'm above this chart

[crystal forum]

what even is a heavy bolt pistol

[crisp heath]

It is honestly kinda sad how 100 years ago Americans ate healthy and exercised regularly and were some of the biggest people on the planet on average

[crystal forum]

my assault intercessors have them

[crisp heath]

But now they are just fat

Dude it’s so bad that in my emt class they told us they actually have a specially made ambulance for super heavy people

[sour hornet]

I mean, we are both

[crisp heath]

That includes a fucking winch

I don’t know how that happens to someone

[sour hornet]

traveling anywhere in south america, central and east asia, you tower over most people

[arctic talon]

Guess I'm a child

[paper haven]

My condolences

[arctic talon]

idk its nice

I get to get picked up easier lol

[paper haven]

I have a Vietnamese friend who is 6'2. He's worried about travelling back home because he knows people will stare

[crisp heath]

I will admit

It’s pretty fun picking up short people

[winter vessel]

damn, 6'2?

a Vietnamese of all?

[crisp heath]

Why is he so tall? What’s he trying to hide up there?

Suspicious

[sour hornet]

I'm so sorry bro

[arctic talon]

lol

I'm 5'6

[sour hornet]

💀

[arctic talon]

I'm also taller then my mom and dad

[paper haven]

His mom is Chinese and his dad are Vietnamese, both of average height. His brother is also pretty tall but not as tall. He's just a tall dude

[arctic talon]

so it all works out

[winter vessel]

same

[paper haven]

Meanwhile my daughter is taller than her mother

[sour hornet]

I have like 4 siblings, and I'm the only tall one. All the others are shorter than my parents.

I alone am the heighted one.

🙏

[opaque coyote]

Oh yeah also fun fact.

There was a Custodes assigned to babysit Lorgar.

He was completely silent. Never fucking spoke ever since he was given over to the Emperor to become a Custodes.

And once the Word Bearer's treachery was exposed and started killIng the Custodes. The last one left is the silent one. He was dying.

So in his last breath, he throws his spear at a particularly corrupted WB chaplain, and finally speaks up.

He literally used his last words to say

"I always hated you Xaphen". And then dies

[paper haven]

I loved that book

[sour hornet]

Tbf, I wouldn't want to talk to custodes either

[paper haven]

"Fuck you, Xaphen."
Epitaph on his tombstone

[opaque coyote]

I had a funny idea for a story.

Basically a Serf in the palace just casually yaps to a Custodes during his downtime

[paper haven]

There are serfs indentured to the imperial household and they are treated with due respect

[opaque coyote]

Like in his short, short breaks. He basically just spends his time yapping about random shit to a Custodes. While the Custodes just stands there silently with no reaction.

[outer wave]

Id like a casual thing between a dude and a Custodes

[arctic talon]

Prolly the least terrible menial position

in the Imperium

beyond the Blood Games being a thing

[opaque coyote]

Then one day the Serf is missing.

The custodes is a bit confused since he always talks to him daily.

He asks only to find out he died of old age.

[paper haven]

Debatable. You're probably more comfortable but your job is also a life sentence.

[opaque coyote]

He feels a bit sad and then just walks back to his position

...

[arctic talon]

every menials job is a fucking life sentence ngl

[opaque coyote]

And then a young adult man who looks kind of similar to the dude who yapped to him.

Starts yapping to him.

[winter vessel]

Reminds me of that one dude in that warhammer + animation, where he literally just counts books

[opaque coyote]

Generational yapping

[paper haven]

Moreso for them, I suspect

[opaque coyote]

[paper haven]

And he couldn't even do that right!

[arctic talon]

infinite yap

[opaque coyote]

Yeah I was thinking of like a progression to the Custodes inner thoughts as well

From annoyed to surprised to almost enjoying and expecting it

And then sadness when it's gone

Only to get a mixture of joy and annoyance when the yapping comes from the serf's son