I need a bit of advice.

[pale mesa]

Want to mention:

• I have friends that I meet in person often
• I go to the gym every day and am physically active
• My bloodwork is fine
• I sleep well and have meaningful hobbies outside of work
• I really think I've hit the end of therapy and it's time to take action in some way

[rocky prairie]

wait why dont u work less hours too?

and use those to apply/leetcode?

[pale mesa]

Yeah I work 32 hours. Sorry I should have mentioned.

[rocky prairie]

tbf i dont think i will ever love my work after an extended period of time unless i do research

so i think its fine to hate ur job

yeah just try to use the rest to leetcode ig

[pale mesa]

I sound so privileged writing this out man. I've just fallen into a pattern where I don't even want to look at code after work anymore so I've become very very stuck with no ways forwards. I used to love researching and doing all this stuff outside of work and now my eyes just glaze over. I'm attributing that to burn out or bore out

I did 100 LC questions at some point but have just dropped off and stopped practicing when SHTF at work.

I'm dying for a change of pace

[rocky prairie]

thats fair

[lilac minnow]

You should start applying to other jobs cause if what you said it’s true the company is probably dead in the water

[rocky prairie]

coming from a freshman

[pale mesa]

The problem is that I don't feel good enough to apply since I"ve dropped off system design + leetcode train and have just failed so many times getting back on

[fresh beacon]

every week decrease your hours by 4 until you get fired

by then you should have like 6-7 weeks of leetcode prepped

[pale mesa]

I understand that I should do that but I always feel insane guilt. Is that normal?

[blazing gulch]

have you ever tried to teach someone how to code? i had the same thing in my engineering job but i noticed i loved teaching the new people and it gave me light again idk if it'll work for you but for me its like having a project but with interaction

[fresh beacon]

yes its normal

to me working extra hours is more painful than guilt tho

the guilt will never go away tho

[pale mesa]

alright that's good to know. I feel like a cheat and it's good to know that's a correct feeling that I will have doing this.

have you ever tried to teach someone how to code? i had the same thing in my engineering job but i noticed i loved teaching the new people and it gave me light again idk
Nothing particularly draws me to teaching. If anything it's just that a change of pace would probably make me enjoy it again

[fresh beacon]

just prioritize as much as you can - customer facing production deployment? high guilt. codebase refactor that only 1 other person will use? low guilt.

[pale mesa]

It's more just the idea of cheating my employer out of time. I think i've been conditioned to always be workingidk

[lilac minnow]

i mean the writing is in the wall

anyone can see it

[pale mesa]

yeah ok I've decided I'm going to resign on thursday. Writing is on the wall for this company anyways (SaaSpocopalpse) I have the pivallege to take a risk here and I'm going to take it. I just can't see myself being alive in 6 months working here. If I can't rekindle my joy in that time I'll move onto a different career. There's more to life than this shit man.

[lilac minnow]

Wait don’t resign just apply on the side

If you feel guilty give it your all and also still apply

[fresh beacon]

maybe use some pto and take a week of vacation?

[pale mesa]

I've taken a 3 week PTO break and the burnout didn't get any better. Didn't code. Fully hands off. I literally just don't think it's possible to improve my situation anymore while working

As austistic as it is I think I need a clean break and to just put my mind fully to something. I'm so tired of waking up at 5am to do leetcode and projects. It's just not sustainable for me.

[fresh beacon]

makes sense, just curious why do you have to wake up at 5am? I do leetcode from 6-7pm or on the weekends for short sessions at a time

[pale mesa]

nothing sticks habit wise if I don't do it daily. After work i just don't want to look at a computer anymore. It makes me sick.

[fresh beacon]

makes sense, sounds like swe has burned you out

if it doesn't look like youd want to do swe as your next job, then taking a break altogether makes sense, just find yourself and you'll find a new passion soon 🔥

in a different career field

do one of your hobbies that makes you happy and take it one day at a time brotha aight?

would recommend watching this from mr. neetcode if its helpful: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QHXET1G9Y5U

[pale mesa]

this video exactly describes my situation. i feel like i have zero comprehension anymore; like my brain has been "damped". I know it wasn't like this in the past as I used to be quite smart. I know that's depression.

I'm not going to go nuclear to the next career yet. I know at some stage I loved programming. Let's see if working on something else can rekindle it. If after 6 months I still hate it; I'm going to retrain.

CS != Software engineering.

[rocky prairie]

i would too if i were at amazon 💀

seems like the dude has some mental health concerns tho

[pale mesa]

I resigned lads

job just came up for part time work at the tennis + squash shop. Maybe it’s time for a change

[pale mesa]

I just got offered a new job with two of the people that I respect the most in this world working on a new startup

This has been probably the most absolutely wild week of my life so far

Completely funneled

[lilac minnow]

Congrats

[rocky prairie]

Respecte the most? 😂