#I'm the worst human being out there

306 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

vestal kayak
#

Part 2:

I also got insanely jealous when other people have all these loving partners in high school and I didn't. I wanted to get my own. So, I had a Discord girlfriend for 2 years. But, I told her to keep the relationship a secret from my parents as I did with mine. My parents and hers found out multiple times and disapproved. She was a Christian with a pastor for a dad. And I was in love. But I got possessive. Paranoid that she started to distance herself from me. I thought she hated me. And then...after I graduated from high school...we broke up. I was heartbroken. And back to being single.

And my parents scold me so much. They wanna take my phone, my games, my youtube away. And I never study. I'm too lazy to. I'd rather play all day and not do shit.

This is my life. Where am I headed? Do I need a mental hospital?

vestal kayak
#

<@&1483139848717209705>

silk carbon
vestal kayak
#

I am here

#

@cloud kernel

cloud kernel
#

ok

#

well for me you just need to control yourself

vestal kayak
#

I can't

#

I don't wanna

#

it

#

will take away everything I love

summer holly
#

what do you want exactly

#

you want a girlfriend, that i get, but what else do you want

vestal kayak
#

opinions, thoughts.

What is wrong with me?

summer holly
#

your problem is that you dont want to change

vestal kayak
#

I asked 2 girls when we were in HIGH SCHOOL for ||Semi sexual pics||

and they threatened to get me arrested.

summer holly
#

youre not done for, you are aware of yourself but you say you dont want to do anything

vestal kayak
#

...I think I should be in jail for that

summer holly
#

going to a mental hospital is completely useless if you dont want to work on yourself
(unless youre in risk of harming yourself or others)

vestal kayak
summer holly
#

im not saying youre dumb, you just need to put in effort

#

im not saying its supposed to be easy or that youre not supposed to struggle, its not easy having parents who dont want to understand you

#

but the thing is youre also holding yourself back because you keep thinking that you cant

#

ill be blunt, if you wont try then nothing will change

vestal kayak
#

I'll say ok, but I don't really do anything about it

#

I have ||sexual|| dreams. a lot

#

especially at the pool

#

everywhere I go

#

I don't act on them, thankfully

#

but still, I think about how often couples have sex and I wanna experience that too

#

...and then someone told me pls don't find a relationship if I only want a girlfriend for sex

#

What do I do?

summer holly
vestal kayak
#

so any sexual fantasies I have, as long as my future gf is ok with it, I can do with her?

summer holly
#

i mean of course?

#

why not

#

as long as its not manipulative or abusive or anything

#

im really not good at this stuff tho but in general i think its ok if you both consent to it

vestal kayak
#

Im not manipulative

#

im just...hurt

summer holly
#

no i didnt think that at all i was just saying

#

cuz i really dont know anything about that kind of stuff

vestal kayak
#

Mk

#

But…idk how to do any non sexual physical stuff

#

Outside of my online ex, I never had an IRL relationship

#

All the girls are pricks

vestal kayak
#

And again

#

Very sexual views towards them

silver geyser
#

You won't get accepted anywhere because they don't accept people who don't want to change.

#

I am talking psychologists etc.

vestal kayak
#

So what do I do?

#

Just…accept my fate?

summer holly
#

i mean yeah no one is going to do the work for you

silver geyser
maiden crescent
#

You really need to work on yourself. You lack discipline and accountability for your life, you have an addiction to easy dopamine slop, but worst of all you have envy for those doing better than yourself.

maiden crescent
vestal kayak
#

one moment, I'll be fine and ok

#

and then, when something minorly inconvenient happens, I fall into this spiral

#

the only good thing that can come out of this is that I refuse and I mean REFUSE to resort to drugs and alcohol. It's bad and it's gonna make everything bad

opaque shuttle
vestal kayak
#

I lost weight

#

195 to 177

#

Most of my issues are just…mental, really

#

Is that…ok?

opaque shuttle
#

Um well

#

Do you want me to be brutally honest with you or

vestal kayak
#

It doesnt really matter

#

Whatever i need to hear, I need to hear

#

Brutally honest is fine

maiden crescent
#

Watching adult content all day and brain rotting on YouTube is just as unproductive as being high or drunk.

Have you ever considered getting a job?

Do you think women can sense that you are highly unstable and may not have positive things to bring into their life? Because self preservation doesn’t make them pricks.

#

Also you ever view things outside your own perspective? As to how your actions may have consequences and how mommy and daddy can’t always bail you out?

vestal kayak
#

I dont understand all that stuff

#

I do know that my mom and dad cant bail me out

#

They never will because they hate each other

#

Id rather be by myself and suffer the survivalist route

vestal kayak
#

…guess it doesnt change anything cuz all of you view me as disgusting

summer holly
#

you just lack discipline

vestal kayak
#

But Im still addicted to that content.

Which wants me to have it.

Which wants me to have a girlfriend to HAVE sex…

vestal kayak
#

And to be honest, I stand by what I said.

About Indian girls in America being egotistical and prissy princess weirdos

vestal kayak
#

But also…

I jerk off pretty much every day…so…

#

I dont think I can really have sex…:(

maiden crescent
vestal kayak
#

Thats why I wanna ||die||

Let God reset me so that I can be free

prime mist
vestal kayak
#

They made it a big deal in high school

#

I thought it was some sort of social media trend

#

My ND brain could not be more wrong

prime mist
#

You thought a girlfriend was a trend or an Indian girl

vestal kayak
#

The type of girl didnt matter

#

I thought…

#

If you have a girlfriend, you belong

prime mist
#

Oh

vestal kayak
#

I thought having a discord girlfriend who was a year younger than me would mean I can brag about her all day

#

And thats what I did

#

But these guys had IRL ships

#

I never even went out on a date

#

Look

#

I get it

maiden crescent
vestal kayak
#

Im a coddled man child

maiden crescent
#

You refuse to take accountability or change

prime mist
#

You want people to think you’re cool more than you want to belong it sounds like

#

Because if you wanted to belong you would want to form genuine friendships with ppl and genuine relationships

vestal kayak
prime mist
#

Not hating I get it but it’s different

maiden crescent
#

Being “cool” isn’t a reason to enter a relationship and traumatize a woman with your behavior

prime mist
#

Well you speak really terribly abt yourself and think poorly of yourself so I don’t think people thinking you are cool will really fix the problem

#

You should start by trying to become someone you’re proud of

#

You hate that you’re coddled then take care of yourself

#

You hate that you’re childish then be more mature and treat people and women better

maiden crescent
#

Sounds like he’s actually proud of being a coddled pron addict.

prime mist
#

Maybe

vestal kayak
maiden crescent
#

Have you no shame for your blatant misogyny and consistent objectification of women

prime mist
#

Pron destroys your brain

vestal kayak
#

Thats really all I want

prime mist
#

You could change those desires

maiden crescent
#

As if they owe you their time?

#

Do women owe you anything? Answer that?

#

Do you “deserve” a woman to be by your side?

vestal kayak
prime mist
#

If all you want is to fulfill your desires find someone who only wants that as well not a gf

maiden crescent
#

Stop obfuscating with ending things

vestal kayak
#

Im not wanting to date

prime mist
#

Find a girl who wants strictly seggs like you

vestal kayak
#

I dont think I can

prime mist
#

You know why you can’t

vestal kayak
prime mist
#

They never get to see the wick come on you know it’s not that

#

That might be lowering your confidence and hurting your chances but that’s not why

maiden crescent
#

So you want women handed over on a silver platter with no effort put into it or yourself?

vestal kayak
maiden crescent
#

Clearly you expect beautiful big titty women to fall from the sky for you

prime mist
#

😭 the Kanye

vestal kayak
maiden crescent
prime mist
#

Do you go to the gym?

maiden crescent
#

Idc what kind of women you like

vestal kayak
prime mist
maiden crescent
#

How much can you bench/deadlift/squat?

vestal kayak
#

I have just started power squatting

#

So I’m taking it slow.

I can do…a 25 each side

maiden crescent
#

Oh okay

prime mist
#

Nice just keep working up

maiden crescent
#

You got a long way to go

prime mist
#

Are you fat?

vestal kayak
#

Bench and dead lifts, I tried deadlifts once.

Couldnt really do it right

vestal kayak
#

Actually lost 15 pounds due to water poisoning in India

prime mist
#

Damn that sucks

vestal kayak
#

Used to be 195. 177 now

prime mist
#

I can show you how to deadlift

vestal kayak
#

That did make me go to the gym more

prime mist
#

Or do any lift

#

But what abt like your hair teeth skin are you taking care of everything?

vestal kayak
prime mist
#

When are women rejecting you?

vestal kayak
#

Physically, I’m ok.

It’s mentally…that’s really fucking me up.

vestal kayak
maiden crescent
#

Lifting and squatting 90 at 177lb is pretty low

vestal kayak
#

I dont even have my eyes on anyone yet

#

And Ik what youre gonna say

maiden crescent
#

Maybe you should focus on yourself rather than external validation and women

vestal kayak
maiden crescent
#

Again, ween off on your fapping

prime mist
#

I don’t think he’s mature enough for that

#

You sound like me when I was a lot younger

#

But if you put in the work to get some women you’ll learn something at least you probably still won’t be happy though it’s not abt the sex

#

But I don’t think you’ll believe me til you do it

maiden crescent
#

What if you treat women like human beings instead of sex objects?

vestal kayak
#

I have female friends (actually more than male friends). And they dont feel disgusted.

(They all have partners and are in the LGBTQ). But they also say the same things as you

#

So…idk if that helps

#

Or not if yall still think im a weirdo

prime mist
#

So your problem is you just want sx but you’re not talking to any girls

#

Go talk to a girl

kind sundial
vestal kayak
#

What if they want my pictures?

#

What if they want to abuse me?

#

Its not so much the gurls are afraid of me.

The opposite is true

#

Im afraid of girls because of their attitude and how I could end up responding.

kind sundial
#

Were kind of suffering the same issue but you need to try and control the urge

maiden crescent
#

Dating and casual sex comes easy to some, maybe not for you because you may not have developed the social skills to talk to women to garner their attraction

#

You don’t have to be the best looking or smartest guy to get a partner or laid

vestal kayak
#

I didnt speak until I was 5 years old

prime mist
vestal kayak
#

And until 5th grade, I was in the gifted program

prime mist
#

And how you find someone to be with is by having a genuine connection with them a gf is just like a friend who you choose to go through life with that you also think is pretty and that you respect and think highly of

#

You might need to deal with some of your trauma before you can trust someone enough to let them care abt you like that

vestal kayak
#

Mhm…

But I doubt the girl I want would like Pokemon and Minecraft…

prime mist
vestal kayak
prime mist
#

Rare but yall don’t have to have everything in common to be friends

vestal kayak
#

Cuz…as you all have iterated…I have bad habits

vestal kayak
prime mist
prime mist
vestal kayak
prime mist
#

You decide what being a bf is like don’t try to fit in genuinely

#

Just be friends with her and do what makes you happy

vestal kayak
#

Am I not suppoosed to fit in?

Isnt that what us humans do?

prime mist
#

I’ve noticed a lot of the happy ones don’t

#

Me and my gf are very strange but we’re happy

vestal kayak
#

Nice.

maiden crescent
#

Being friends means treating your partner like a human being first and foremost

#

Also establishing trust

#

You just can’t blow up on them when something goes wrong.

vestal kayak
#

With the only gf I had…

  1. i never told my parents about her for 2 years. They had to find out when they pressured me. And I told my ex to do the same with her parents and she agreed

  2. we rp’d on a google doc in secret since we couldnt exchange numbers due to strict parents

  3. she was strictly religious

Biggest error on my part:

towards end of senior year, she started to play with her friends more than me. So I followd her through every Roblox Game she played because I loved her and wanted to spend time with her. Until when I joined out final game, she yelled at me and broke up permanently with me due to my possessiveness, obsession, and control…

#

It was all online

#

I couldnt do the sexual talk with her cuz I didnt want to

#

Tldr: Im a coward

#

Basically

prime mist
#

No it’s okay not to want to do sexual talk that doesn’t make you a coward

#

Plenty of girls will be fine with that

#

Did she ask you not to follow her around on Roblox or what else were you doing that was obsessive or controlling?

vestal kayak
#

But she spent more time with her friends than me

#

And I thought she prioritized them more than me

#

I should be #1

#

I just felt scared if she left me

prime mist
#

Did you tell her that?

vestal kayak
#

I did.

But she told me that wasnt the only reason. She told me to stop

#

And I kept going

#

And she cant date a Hindu with her pastor dad behind her

prime mist
#

So yall just weren’t compatible it seems

maiden crescent
prime mist
#

It sucks but you gotta find someone else

vestal kayak
maiden crescent
#

Also building a relationship under a false pretense rarely ever works.

vestal kayak
#

And im not interested in dating either

vestal kayak
#

I had feelings for her since we met

maiden crescent
#

You can build a relationship with secrets

vestal kayak
#

I just didnt wanna tell my parents

maiden crescent
#

Or keeping a relationship secret

prime mist
vestal kayak
maiden crescent
#

Didn’t he say he wants a gf for sexual purposes

#

A couple of comments ago

vestal kayak
maiden crescent
#

Then that is a desire

#

Thus you are interested in it

prime mist
#

Bro if you wan seggs have seggs with someone

#

If you want a genuine connection then get a close friend or a gf

vestal kayak
#

Im too scared to ask.

Im in community college.

#

Ill wait once I transfer

prime mist
#

If you want to have seggs with someone you have a connection with do that and if you can’t figure out which one you need to think

prime mist
vestal kayak
#

My parents want a divorce

#

They fight a lot

kind sundial
#

But the wait will destroy you even more

vestal kayak
#

I wanna get outta my house

prime mist
#

But you can go over to the girls house

vestal kayak
prime mist
#

Oh ok but what do you want exactly do you know?

maiden crescent
#

Get a job and move out many 18-19 year olds do it

vestal kayak
maiden crescent
#

What can you provide your girlfriend?

#

Not what can they provide you

prime mist
maiden crescent
#

Learning to communicate is the number one aspect

vestal kayak
#

I mean, I’m fun. I like games. Ik i have sexual desires, but my female friends tell me I’m respectful and kind even when I tell them I have these desires

maiden crescent
#

Because they’re your friends and not romantically involved with you

vestal kayak
#

Also

maiden crescent
#

That’s called an echo chamber

vestal kayak
#

If I provide solely, thats not fair

maiden crescent
#

Lol

prime mist
#

You gotta stop talking abt your desires so much

maiden crescent
#

Men provide

prime mist
#

And the pron addiction it’s weird

maiden crescent
#

Are you a man or a boy

prime mist
#

And off putting it makes it seem like you only care abt seggs

maiden crescent
#

You can’t just expect them to hand things out with you providing less than the minimum

#

Relationships aren’t free

prime mist
maiden crescent
#

They cost time, money effort, emotional bandwidth

maiden crescent
vestal kayak
maiden crescent
#

Lol good luck

vestal kayak
#

I expect nothing actually

#

Also

#

Whoever made that men provide rule is bullshit

maiden crescent
#

Lol men made that a rule

vestal kayak
#

I dont give a fuck

prime mist
maiden crescent
#

You’d have to account for everything to make that the case

prime mist
#

I mean 50/50 money and household work

maiden crescent
#

Lol that’s never the case either bro and you know that

prime mist
#

With who?

maiden crescent
#

50/50 in bills and housework?