Firstly before I start talking, are you currently safe and not thinking of that?
#How do I talk to my friends after a bad night
verbal musk
silver rampart
Yea it was just cause I was drunk
verbal musk
Alright, just making sure you are in a safe spot for now, just reminding you that there are people who rather listen to your story than attend your funeral.
Anyways, honestly I think you never know about what your friends’ opinions about you are, and you can’t control them or their opinions. And I really think if your friends really care, they are wondering about your whereabouts and your current mental state, I will, if my friend tried to do it even when their drunk, I will definitely be keeping a closer eye on them.
There is a saying that drunk and tired people tend to have the most honest intentions about what they wanna do, because your brain isn’t thinking rationally and whatever thoughts you think of, whatever feelings you have, you just blurt it out and do it because well, you aren’t thinking like it’s just another normal day.
Basically logic isn’t logical to you in that moment.
silver rampart
Yea I'm worried if they even care because they haven't tried speaking to me either
verbal musk
Sometimes the loved ones of those who attempted, they don’t immediately poke you because well, that topic is such a sensitive topic, so much can go wrong if you say the wrong words or don’t know how to properly pull them out of the state.
So they just automatically give them space until they say something because well, they don’t even know what to say to you
It’s shocking, imagine your friend who doesn’t seem to have much worries suddenly try to do the unthinkable
I am not trying to say you are a bad person for worrying them, I am trying to encourage you to think from their perspective
And I do apologise if I sound a bit blunt, if I may, I also survived that, everyone had so many reactions, my father stayed silent, my mom yelled at me, my sister also stayed silent. So basically, the reactions of something unexpected will be mixed and varied.
Because eventually the immediate logic is that people who even tried that, they probably did it because they were hurting, in that moment people panic and react with immediately what comforted them because no one has the perfect solution to comforting you.
You get it?
silver rampart
Yea
verbal musk
Sometimes the loved ones of those who attempted, they don’t immediately poke you...
Oh yeah, sometimes people don’t want to live with the guilt if they did try to reach the one and their attempt failed
So basically, just talk to them. I can also explore with you how to word it.
Because you kinda do owe them for scaring the life out of them that time, at least say a “Hi,(remind them of what happened, say that you were genuinely drunk and did it because you weren’t thinking), say I am sorry for leaving you on a cliffhanger, can we reconcile?
Also the reach out can ease their minds about you, because I really do think your friends care, you just are assuming their opinion which is misleading you..but you really don’t know what their opinion is, you gotta take a leap of faith, and it is also mature move on your part to explain yourself and apologise for giving them such a scare, you guys can also have a heart to heart and eventually, everyone benefits from the conversation
Benefitting in the way of communicating and they can learn something like “Oh next time we just keep looking out for each other as usual”, and you can learn about how they show care about you
I am gonna shower brb, take your time to read and please do correct me if I misunderstood you
silver rampart
Yea I see what you mean and it's definitely a good idea but there's a part of me that wants my friends back and a part of me that just wants to break the tension in the house and stay away from them. Because it's kind of hard to explain but in our friend group it's just based on making fun of each other which is fine we all do it and we know it's just for laughs. But the 2 friends I live they are like best friends. So when we are joking around they basically team against me and it dosent feel like just jokes anymore which made me feel terrible each night and i couldn'tfall asleep till like 6am because its all im thinking about. I tried asking them to stop and they said it was just jokes and to stop being a baby. But they did try to stop me that night so they might care I don't know it's just stressing me out trying to pick one. Sorry for the long message I hope it makes sense
Your being so helpful I'm sorry for wasting your time
Am I just stupid for thinking they don't like me
I keep hearing them laughing in the lounge like they don't even care about what happened
Sorry I'm messaging to much
verbal musk
No no it’s fine, I am back, you are never a bother, it’s on me for even choosing to reply to you. To the topic..honestly,friendship problems like that, the more complicated it is, the more clear the solution is. Any relationship requires communication and clear boundaries, and you definitely must be willing to make the effort, but if you feel they aren’t giving you what you expect, don’t assume their intentions or they can read your mind or their opinion will definitely be either A,B or C.Tolerating someone just builds resentment, so best option is just ask them to sit down to talk. Talk about us. If they brush you off or refuse to talk, ask them if they aren’t ready because sometimes it really is that. If they aren’t ready, propose a solution like maybe if you don’t wanna talk in person, we can do it over message because sometimes facing someone when both parties are being vulnerable..well just even making eye contact with someone while you are pouring your heart out, is nerve wrecking. But..if they flat dismiss your attempt to connect in a conversation that while uncomfortable,will ultimately be beneficial for everyone..or worse they make fun of you, then ask the question if they even are your friends.
Because you can make the effort but if they dont reciprocate, nothing will work out, it takes two hands to clap, and friends that tease you even when you said you dont like it,that speaks of their maturity
Because ultimately, fact is, no one has the right to make fun at someone’s expense, it just is a low blow and really says about whether you have the emotional maturity of an adult.
silver rampart
Ok thanks alot ill go talk to them now then
verbal musk
So summarise, just request to sit down to talk about not just what happened but other things you aren’t happy with, if they disagree, ask if they need more time or propose alternative options to talk. If you guys do chat and you are putting in the effort of laying out the clear problem, and they aren’t paying attention, dismissing or mocking you, give the ultimatum that either we can be friends but I won’t tolerate people who mock me or don’t even show up when I need them, or they will actually be grown adults and realise you really are putting in the effort, if they want to sail the friendship boat, they have to put in something.
Trust me, staying with people who you tolerate, not stay because you like their company, that will be a blow to your mental health, simply because tolerating someone is energy taxing and it makes you build up more resentment.
Resentment turns to hatred which can escalate to fights and no one wins.