#Bad love experiences

1 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

old niche
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I got into a relationship with this guy (guy 1 ig) over 2 years ago but we recently broke up in October. At the beginning of the relationship I felt truly loved and cared for and I loved him as well. Everything was going well until I decided to start setting boundaries and expectations.

When I broke up with guy 1, there was a lot of crying involved but i decided to stick to my decision. Afterwards many of our mutual friends decided to block me and trash me behind my back which deeply hurt. I lost probably 90% of my social group when I just wanted to do what was best for me and guy 1 since I believe that he would also be happier without me.

I ended up in a low point in my life and during this time guy 2 provided immense comfort as he was one of the only people who decided to remain in my life. I also struggle with diagnosed depression and guy 2 helped me to gain habits that will help me mentally and physically and just be there to listen to my struggles.

For the first time in an unnecessary amount of time, I felt seen. I was able to process many of my emotions (new and old) because of guy 2’s guidance and I made a lot of achievements during this time when it comes to improving my mental well being.

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Guy 2 and I also ended up developing feelings for each other but we both knew that I wasnt ready for a relationship so we decided not to rush. However, our relationship escalated (unofficially) through guy 2’s pressures. I gave in to anything he asked of me in a desperate attempt to keep one of the few people in my life to continue to love me especially at such a vulnerable point in my life. I disregarded all of this though and continued to fall harder as we got closer. After a couple of months, I came to conclusion that he was someone I wanted to remain in my life and I wanted things to be official.

At the same time he broke it to me that he only wanted to remain strictly friends. This came suddenly and out of nowhere for me so I pathetically asked him to reconsider and he said he would.

That was likely one of the worst decisions of my life because it just prolonged the anxiety and worry that I felt. Eventually I decided to move on and told him to reject me so that i could move on. We decided to remain friends for some time but I started to feel as if he was resenting me.

He would put me down and make me feel lesser than. Also as he knew that I was diagnosed with depression, he would use that to label it as my defining factor and poke fun at my instability. I was confused and hurt because this was the same person who comforted me when I was crying and helped me work out my emotions. I tried to communicate to him that I dont appreciate any of this especially since I have been working extremely hard to improve myself mentally (started eating more, meditating, stopped sh for 2 years). I also told him that I didnt think it was from a place of ill will (he acted as if him treating me harshly was “tough love” and would make me magically be undepressed) and that I just wanted him to be a little nicer to me.

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He took this badly and told me that I was hopeless and insinuate that I would never get over my depression and that he didnt want to talk to me again. This felt unreal to me because I couldnt understand how someone can switch up on me so fast. How someone could treat me like I deserved all the love in the world and then stomp on me like trash. I never fully processed any of this and while we went no contact, I still held on hope that it was all a life and still wished that he would just talk to me again.

I started to build my social group up again and continued to work on myself but every once in a while I would get this lingering loneliness and wonder what it was that i did that made him hate me so much. After a month of not talking, I saw that he posted himself with another girl. I think that only now I am able to process that he wants nothing to do with me and all of the hurt I felt is only now hitting me. Ive lost motivation to do anything anymore and all i can do is wonder what it is that is so wrong with me that I dont deserve to be in a happy healthy relationship.

While this upsets me, I can see how his new girl would make him happier than I ever could because she is genuinely such a fun and friendly person which just makes me feel all the more inferior.

Relationships suck and I realize that I just need to move on and that “there are more fish in the sea” but at some point these bad experiences build up and it is truly so hard to keep having to rebuild myself and continue to keep the mindset of making myself a healthier and happier person.

silk silo
# old niche Guy 2 and I also ended up developing feelings for each other but we both knew th...

Wait this is confusing for me too.

If he was the one who wanted things to move then why did he suddenly started to remain strictly friends.

Did some argument happened or he got hurt in some way?

The rest part is just nonsense. Like saying to someone they will never get over of or making fun when someone is struggling.
Try to heal , its will take time , slow and steady.

And remember this as a lesson. People who are not genuinely kind , instead only being nice turn sour pretty fast during bad things.
Maybe he got hurt , maybe something happened , that doesn't mean instead of communicating that , he started being hurtful.

tame onyx
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gurl you deserve better

old niche
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forest flower
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With guy 1, my only question is: Did you break up with him because you thought he would be happier elsewhere? Or were you unhappy beyond a fix? Did you ask him what he wanted?

With guy 2, based on the information you shared, he used you. He isn't a friend or a partner. He took advantage of your vulnerability and once he got what he wanted from you, discarded you. I'd block him on everything and never reach out to him again.

Also, regarding your friends, if your friends ditched you because of a decision you took in a personal romantic relationship, then they were never your friends to begin with.

vocal herald
# old niche He took this badly and told me that I was hopeless and insinuate that I would ne...

I usually don’t like jumping to assumptions, but it does seem like the second guy tried to get something out of you, and when he didn’t get it, he switched

I don’t know if it is true, but it makes sense and would explain this contradictory behavior, which could have even been manipulative

Regardless, he didn’t turn out to treat you well in the end, and that is something you never deserved, specially when he tried to antagonize you and use your own condition against you

I appreciate you a hell of a lot Tecno, it is nice seeing you around after some time, you are not alone in this and nothing of this is your fault in the slightest. You deserve better and I will be here vouching for you and supporting you, you are a sweet woman and that is something to admire and respect

I wish you the best Tecno, the truly best 🙏 💜

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And if it helps, I am sending a hug from here hug

old niche
# forest flower With guy 1, my only question is: Did you break up with him because you thought h...

Guy 1: I thought that we both wouldve been happier without each other. It got to a point where all we would do is argue since i felt as if he wouldnt listen to me when i tried to communicate issues and compromise and he would take things personally and be upset to the point where i would have to drop my issues to comfort him

Guy 2: yea i dont plan to ever talk to him again it just sucks that he appeared at such a vulnerable point in my life and did all of this to me before ditching

Friends: they all took guy 1’s side because he cried to them about our relationship and none of them bothered to ask for my side

The whole situation just sucks but im learning to move on and thank you for responding

old niche
vocal herald
forest flower
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forest flower
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forest flower
old niche
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Aw that sucks
I can understand how she mustve felt at that time but cheating is still never right

forest flower
old niche
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No its alright its nice to get the other perspective

old niche
forest flower
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forest flower
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forest flower
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forest flower
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vocal herald
old niche
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My ex got back with his old ex and the guy that i still pathetically cannot forget is still with that new girl he met and i feel as if my life is at a standstill
I dont understand how two people who ruined me can find love again and be so happy when i get nightmares of never being truly loved and cared for

My ex made it a point to go and spread things around about me to the point where many people no longer want to associate with me so at this point i cant help but wonder if it is my own fault that so many people hate me and that i seem to be so unlovable

I will probably feel better after some time of hanging with friends and doing things that make me happy but i keep going back to that dark space in my mind every once in a while and it makes me think that i cant be truly happy

vocal herald