late forge
This post is generally a struggle in regards to making adult friends as (of course) an adult + not living in the state where you went to school.
For background — I’m a black male , just turned 30 and very much a homebody. I was raised in the north until I was around 15/16 years old then later moved to the south state and by time i graduated HS, moved the same year to another state in the south— been here since 2015 to now (2026).
I don’t drink (except with my GF), club nor smoke at all if that matters.
Over the years, I’ve only made “friends” via work. I’m not too much of an outgoing person but I’m also a gamer and with that, I’ve obtained many friends who I basically grown up with during all this traveling. The issue is… these guys are a biiiiiit immature, lustful to other women outside their own relationship and/or encourage cheating (slightly). Mind you for those who may have been triggered — these are the online male friends. Also, if you’re concerned what gaming community I’ve met these guys in — Call of Duty.
For the in-person friends … well, don’t really have any now cause the last guy I was cool with — we met during work, shared mutual hobbies with anime and gaming which was awesome but then later down the road, repeatedly cheated on his woman so I had to cut the friendship off for my own image cause I don’t condone that. Wasn’t easy too nor was it for anyone else — I know we’re not perfect and I’m not looking for perfection in my friendships but what I’m seeking is a group a male friends that hold each other accountable and speak positively in each other. The friends I have currently as of today, aren’t really like that and in fact, I’m the positive energy for them and try to keep them from doing more wrongfully things.
These past 2-3 weeks, just hearing more of the guys cheat and even one friend shared a woman cosplaying as a Mortal Kombat character saying “I can taste her” — I responded “aren’t you married?” And and then replied “my wife is bisexual, she’s cool with it” and he went on thinking I was trying to rage bait him … HUH!?!?
I’m feeling more and more disconnected and these are guys who are 27+ , not kids and known them for years. I’ve tried church communities and it’s a bit of a hit/miss due to some people having their own group of friends they chat amongst themselves. I also do have another colleague at my job that’s married with kids — he’s cool and mature as I am but twice I’ve tried to hang out with him (go bowling/golfing) and he agrees but then later cancels — so I gave up and told him “brother, if you want to hang out— you have to plan it cause I tried and not gon keep getting cancelled on.”
What I’m requesting here is simply advice — I’ll continue to do the church community as that’s probably my best bet. I did do Run Club and truthfully — It’s definitely a dating scene😅… but I’m really needing that brotherly hood and unfortunately, as a black man, it’s not looking too good.
jovial horizon
lime creek