#There's this boy...

29 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

honest marlin
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I don't know where I am at in the relationship with this boy. I met him almost 4 years ago and since that we had a special connection, as if we knew each other since past lives. 2 years ago we started bonding as friends, but we noticed we had like the same likings and we were very similar, as we shared very similar personalities. We were both raised in a homophobic or non inviting to lgbtq enviornment, as we both camed from countries that are known for being a bit homophobic. Anyways, last year I thought we had a special connection, as if we were a bit more than best friends. At the time, I didn't know what I really felt for him. I went to a sleepaway camp for two weeks, where I started to know that I really liked him and I thought he liked me too as he always were very close to me like a lot. The day I came back from the sleepaway camp, which i didn't enjoy AT ALL as it started a bit of a depression to me, I called him and he told me that he REALLY REALLY missed me, LIKE A LOT, he told me he had a lot of surprises for me and he needed to tell me a secret. Which I thought it was really sweet. When this school year started, I completely misunderstood (because of loud music) that he loved me and liked me and he wanted to be with him, so in the next period I told him that I think I liked LIKED him, which he told me that he didn't know what he felt for me because he had a bit of feelings for me but he didn't know really what that meant. Which could completely if he didn't want a relationship, yeah I wouldve been sad, but I would have respected his decision. But a week after, of a complete week that he told me we would be an interesting and fun couple, he asked me, if I would ask him to be a couple, which I told him yeah I would love so, and then I asked the next day if he wanted to be my boyfriend, which he responded that yes but not really. That he would like a relationship with me, that i am perfect for him, but its me not him. That I don't really love him.

honest marlin
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He also said that his family would not let him, that sometimes it felt weird. But he did tell me, that we weren't friends anymore, we were something else, like a relationship between friends and boyfriends. Which something is better that nothing, but I really felt as if he said that because he felt guilt of not accepting my relationship. One day after this we were in Science class when I decided to grab his hand, I just streched out my hand and he just grabbed me, that was the best moment of my life. We started grabbing hands more frequently specially in public, and we started being closer and closer and closer, untill I kissed him when I was very tired. He looked me very blushed and with the cutest smile he ever looked at me. Since that day we started getting closer, until one day I was with my friend when she told me that a friend of mine (also male) was his partner for a while, but him (my half boyfriend) really hurted him and manipulated him until he (ex) needed to result in therapy. Take in account my half boyfriend really hurt this guy, but that guy already had other problems, but half boyfriend was the nail in the coffin. When I asked him about it, he purposely told me he didn't remember, or that it was something he didn't want to tell me. We started to progress in our relationship when we then started to fantasize about kissing eachother in the mouth and then in a friends house I did a move and we cuddled watching an anime together where we were both very happy and said love you to each other like hundred times while we kissed (not in the mouth tho) and he was very happy. I went to a trip and brought him gifts, and he told me a lot about his trip that he went to aswell and he brought me a very cute dog plushie, and a really nice bracelet that i used every day. Then in a volleyball class his ex (I don't know how he found out) that he gifted a really nice bracelet and started really making fun of me in front of a lot of people.

honest marlin
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My half boyfriend then started acting weird, as if he started to distance away from me back to friends little by little, telling me how he would be my boyfriend in like a thousand years and making fun of things he knew that hurted me then and I was to clingy for him (which I am very clingy but i'm trying to better for him). He told me how there were a lot of better people for me out there, which I told him that I really loved him and didn't was interested in anyone else in the moment, and if he wanted to change that please tell me directly because I had really changed my life for him, i started to change my haircut, my looks, everything (of course i didn't tell him this but I almost said).

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We started to behave more as a couple even if I felt as he hated me sometimes

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We made some wikihow quizzes for couples for fun

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and we scored 95-100 compatibily and that we were a great couple together

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But even after that, i feel sometimes manipulated

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Idk

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should i ask him_

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what should i dp

gilded slate
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they should love you for who you are- you shouldn't have to be someone else to have them like you

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then they don't like YOU they like the other person you're pretending to be

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remember, 1+1 is not 2, it's 11

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you know why?

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becuase you don't have to bend and mould yourself into a different structure than you were before you met them. You stand side by side- qual, stronger, more cosmic- the number 11

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this is the ultimate math for a healthy relationship.

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true partnership isn't about make a whole, it's about two wholes standing side by side

gilded slate
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he should love you today, tomorrow, covered in blood, haunted and waking up in the middle of the night screaming- he should love you, and be there, and not be going anywhere

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no matter what it is, he should be there and love you in every instance

gilded slate
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he isn't going to affirm that he manipulates you- a person who manipulates would never do that, why would they?

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you need to find closure in the fact that you're not be treated right, you're being manipulated and you're in an unhealthy relationship

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and walk out that door and close it

gilded slate
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it might be a sign for you

gilded slate
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it just doesn't seem healthy to stay there