my first love just left me we been tgt for a year.. I was also his first love , he said he tried his best to work on his brain to be in a relationship but he can’t anymore and don’t want to hurt me further and said how I deserve better, and it isn’t fair to me that he can’t give his 100% ( I never asked 100% and I told him it’s ok if he can’t give 100% ) he said he tried to be the guy to be able to stay and be with me :( he said he does love me and he always will and will always care for me but he just can’t handle being in any relationship at all, and said it’s not me but it’s him, he has avoidant attachment issues , very introverted - ( I don’t know if it’s good or not but the only friend he has is one online who has a huge time zone diff and still they don’t even talk much ) n autistic but despite all that I still love him sm and it hurts .. I asked if he’s ever ready can we ever start again and he replied “maybe someday in the future we can.. if in ever able to handle a relationship..” he said he doesn’t want to give false hope when he’s unsure of when will he ever be ready for one
We haven’t cut any contacts.. he said when the pain is gone we can see about talking more and hanging out again.. I just want to know if there’s still a chance to start again in the future w him.. we’re still young..he’s 18 and I’m 19.. so there’s still hope right :( we spent sm memories tgt his family even met me and they like me and I like them :(.. we shared a lot of first ever romantic moments tgt.. the things he treasures a lot - his fav shows fav games and even the project he was working on he let me in :( .. and I’m still in the server of smth special to him, a game he’s being working on for years along with him and his one only friend.. i believed he was my soulmate .. bc fate actually brought us back tgt 2 times::: .. before dating for a whole year and more.. and now it led to this..
#is there hope.?
cyan forum
zinc flame
Would suggest take a break, let each other grow individually, but make sm pact or something that no contact till u guys be the better version of ur self
But u can always talk on sm occasion like birthdays or festivals
N always reassure each other that there won't be any third person bw you two
Maybe he needs sm space to get to know himself or maybe he just felt overwhelmed being in a relationship (even I used to feel this a lil bit)
Hope it helps
cyan forum
he’s a bit stubborn so I don’t think suggesting a break would help :( but rn we’re like giving each other space and he said when the pain is gone we can see about hanging out again and stuff
cyan forum
Would suggest take a break, let each other grow individually, but make sm pact o...
for the reassurance bit knowing us were still loyal in heart
mostly this breakup is just about his capacity not a lack of love and care 😞 that’s what make this sadder for me
yeah 😭 he feels overwhelmed
he thinks right now this is the right decision bc he’s not ready or is scared to face the guilt of possibly hurting me by staying so he thinks by ending it all now will like make the hurt less 😭
He doesn’t trust himself to be able to stay n not hurt me
brisk crystal
my first love just left me we been tgt for a year.. I was also his first love , ...
Hello Val, I know this is heartbreaking, and it's hard to know what the right thing to do is. You love your boyfriend dearly, but he’s told you things won’t work because he can’t handle the mental strain of the relationship. I know you don't want to let him go and have suggested getting back together once he feels prepared. It is so difficult to move on when you love him and appreciate everything he’s done for you, but he simply isn't ready to continue the relationship right now. Do you know why he is feeling this way? You mentioned he has avoidant attachment issues. How do you guys communicate? Do you often spend time together?
cyan forum
Hello Val, I know this is heartbreaking, and it's hard to know what the right th...
:( it is , he’s like mentally strained , he said it’s not me but any relationships in general.. feel like he’s just not mature yet for the relationship things, he can’t even properly like take care of himself , when we communicate I always start of by asking “ I’ve been overthinking a bit, can I get a little reassurance” sometimes and just we communicate well but sometimes he’s like his brain can’t and don’t know what to response like it’s just his brain mainly, we spend time tgt every week like sometimes more than once a week but mostly we just call and sometimes go out when like it’s special
brisk crystal
:( it is , he’s like mentally strained , he said it’s not me but any relationshi...
Do you guys often have serious talks? It can become very draining if it’s consistent
cyan forum
no we don’t rlly have a lot of those but I admit there’s been a few during one month but we sorted that out and don’t have any after that, idk if this counts but in nov before he went on a break from everything to like regulate his winter depression, I was like randomly thinking about some small mistakes I made in the past and felt guilty even tho Its been fixed 😭 I just sent him a short apology on it 🥹 ?
cyan forum
before he took his almost 2 months break to regulate his winter depression and try to heal he said :( “I want to clarify that I’m not leaving anyone especially you val” 
but I don’t know what happened during the break and he came back w that decision.. and wrote a paragraph about it 
he said he couldn’t handle his feelings correctly and struggle with closeness and caring for a person..? bc he said he never had any closeness and have never cared this much about anyone before 😭
brisk crystal
That’s very frustrating. You love him a lot and it seems like you can’t do anything and that it is a battle of his own. Have you told him to open up to you and to tell you what is wrong so that you both can help each other? A relationship is suppose to help each other grow.
cyan forum
I tried my best.. I want to help him.. but even if we were to go slower he’d eventually reach this point .. because he needs to be able to take care of his own mental and well being first before anything else..
I’ve told him many times if smth is on his mind or smth bothering him he can be free to tell me instead of bottling things up so I could help..
I don’t think he’s mature yet for growth and change .. it’s frustrating bc he can’t see his worth and that he deserves of love even tho he can’t give his 100% bc no one ever asked for his 100%.. we’re still kind of young so I guess that’s more room to mature
brisk crystal
That is very sad to hear. You’re right, It’s very unfortunate that you guys are still young. It’s frustrating and painful but you just have to let him grow on his own. It’s clear that he is not stable and cannot continue the relationship. There is nothing wrong with you. You’ve tried your best to support him and assist him in every possible way. I think the best choice for you right now is to give him the space and time he needs to mature and become stable.
I know it’s going to be very hard for you to move on. It was the same for me, it took a while. During the first few weeks, you’ll feel really awful and will want to contact him. To avoid doing that, you should keep yourself busy. Whenever your mind wanders to him try to redirect your thoughts and remind yourself that his actions don't define your worth
cyan forum
yeah.. ur right..ironically the best option right now is to give as much space for both of us to heal :( time and space help his nervous system and burn out regulate.. I’m sorry the same happened for u. It really is hard but as hard as it’ll be this is the only way that a chance could happen, ur right :( I’ll try that thankyou .
maybe like he said .. when the pain is gone we can see about hanging out again.. since we’re still going to remain friends …maybe if it’s meant to be.. the spark and connection could start again.. falling deeper once more from there..
brisk crystal
yeah.. ur right..ironically the best option right now is to give as much space f...
I understand how hard this is, but sadly, this is the only healthy option for both of you. Even if you plan to stay friends later, it’s best not to contact each other, you need to give him the space to heal. Think of his healing like a timer. Every time you contact him, it reminds him of the instability and the relationship, which effectively resets that timer
I know and I understand it is a very hard task but that’s the only way and it is a very painful process
cyan forum
:( yeah.. 😞
must pull thru..
brisk crystal
Stay strong