relationships on verge of breaking

[nimble moss]

i am in relation for a year and half and it is a long distance relationship things were going fine but from start of this year he has been distant like avoiding me he gives me just 5 secs
of whole day when we clearly use to talk more its not even that he is busy because i knew his routine but from what i think is he wants me to breakup first but im not sure of it what he
wants he is giving mixed signals like he says he loves me but isnt there for me when i need him nor talks to me when i tried explaining my overthinking he said why are u writing all nonsense
after that i didnt wrote him anything explaining how i am feeling because he didnt even read those 5 paras of what i wrote and when i wrote him alot of stuff for new year night he just replied
with happy new year im just so confused what he wants he wont say it nor open up to me and i was so attached to him for him i left all my friends i had no one to talk to , to take suggestions
from that i had to ask chatgpt that whats wrong with me and my relation chatgpt said take therapy and ofc i didnt had money to pay so i tried voulnteers and no one replied im feeling so
suffocated not knowing what to do i try thinking that ill avoid him too but his i love u makes me love him again i had hopes up he said he was different that he wont be like rest and he said
himself that no one is too busy to give 5 mins from a day to their partner , if someone is able to understand what he needs kindly help and tell me what i should do im too attached from him

[true sage]

Hey, twin, I hear you, and I understand the pain you're going through. Been there, done that, and I hope things will get better for you.

Based on what I've read so far, one red flag that’s hard to ignore is when someone barely has time for you. Yes, people indeed have lives outside of relationships, and being busy isn’t automatically a bad thing—but if they can’t give you the consistency you need, the consideration, or even communicate it clearly, then it’s worth asking yourself whether this relationship of yours is something you want to keep choosing. At some point, effort matters more than excuses, and you deserve clarity, not confusion.

It becomes even more concerning when you find yourself growing overly attached, clinging to the smallest bits of attention they give—breadcrumbs that feel huge only because you’re starving for more. If you’ve started pulling away from your friends, maybe even cutting them off for a person who now barely notices your efforts or presence, or maybe your own life just to stay available for someone who gives so little, that’s already a warning sign. You’re not in love with who they truly are; you’re in love with the rare moments when they show up, and I don't want to belittle you or anything; I'm only saying that it's unfair, and it's unfair to you. Love shouldn’t feel like pouring your entire glass into someone else’s cup when theirs keeps emptying, forcing you to refill it again and again. That kind of imbalance turns toxic fast.

There’s also the lack of consistency—the unanswered paragraphs, the effort you pour into explaining your feelings, while they barely acknowledge them. It’s normal to want to be understood, especially with someone whom you value the most, but your words lose their value when they’re given to someone who hears you but doesn’t truly listen, or worse, doesn’t care to. Many of us have been there, holding onto a version of someone we wish they could be, but that doesn’t mean we should tolerate the disrespect that comes with it. You deserve someone who shows up, who tries, who meets you where you are—even from a distance, even when it’s hard, even when the world stands between you. You deserve better than someone who gives little while you give a lot.

You deserve a love that brings you clarity, not mixed signals—especially after being together for over a year. He knows better; He knows what you need, how uncertainty affects you, and what it means to show up for someone you claim to care about. Confusion shouldn’t be part of a love that’s already had time to grow.

If I were in your shoes, if someone treated me that way and they weren’t even my romantic partner, I’d probably cut them off without hesitation—for my own peace of mind. I think what makes it so hard is the label we attach to them. Once there’s a relationship, it suddenly feels like walking away isn’t an option, even when staying hurts. We grow deeply attached, especially when romantic feelings are involved, and that attachment can make us forget ourselves in the process, but we have to hold space for ourselves too. We deserve the same kindness, patience, and care that we so freely give to people—especially when they may not be giving it back or even deserving of it.

It’s not about what HE needs. He KNOWS exactly what he’s doing, and you’re not obligated to keep helping just because there’s a romantic connection. You’re not meant to fix someone who keeps breaking themselves, especially when they’re not trying to heal and be a better person for you. You’re not responsible for anyone else’s happiness, twin. YOUR needs matter too—they’re just as valid and deserving of care, consideration, and respect.

Take a moment and really ask yourself: Do I want to keep receiving this kind of love from someone who barely gives effort back? Do I want to keep feeling this way over someone who probably doesn’t want to change? Those questions are uncomfortable, but they matter.

It’s easy to rationalize toxic behavior when it comes from someone you value. We make excuses, we soften the truth, we convince ourselves to be more patient. But at the end of the day, it’s also your responsibility to take care of yourself. Love shouldn’t come at the cost of your peace.

And ask yourself this, too—if he weren’t in your life anymore, what would happen to you? Would you fall apart, or would you slowly find yourself again? Sometimes that answer tells you everything you need to know.

But that's just my take, twin. It's up to you whether or not to apply it to what you're going through; just know that I'm here supporting you with whatever decision you may make.

[nimble moss]

hey thanks for replying !! rn im giving with the hope that maybe he will realize and change back to normal and i dont wanna breakup with him i love him so much but if he is saying me to breakup or either he blocks me or just disappears from my life i think ill be able to move on not quicker but with time i might be ok but rn he isnt leaving me either he clearly wants me to breakup first so later he can satisfy himself that i was the one who broke up that i was the wrong one and he was the right person even though i still love him an im attached that even thinking of losing him brings me into tears

[nimble moss]

thank you means alot to me

[nimble moss]

yeah someone said me everyone knows very well what they are doing to the other person but they just dont want to accept it

[true sage]

Have you voiced out to him your concerns about his behavior? It's important to consider it too, since not all of us have the same views—What might be normal to them might not be to you. I respect your decision about not initiating the breakup, but consider making plans for how you'd cope if he ever breaks up with you. I pray that you'll be alright before, during, and after. Heartbreak IS NOT and WILL NEVER BE for the weak

But I'll also pray and hope that he'll change for the better, for the relationship, and for you

[nimble moss]

i tried to talk to him tell him how i feel but he ignored all of it and said me why am i writing all this nonsense

[true sage]

Twin, your feelings aren't nonsense, and it matters just as much as his feelings matter as well. In my opinion, if that's how he treats you and how you feel, then the relationship isn't worth fighting for anymore

[nimble moss]

i hope im still hoping that maybe just maybe it could all be a bad dream and after waking up everything will go back to normal

[nimble moss]

yesterday it was our months anniversary i wrote him a para he didnt even read at first

i had to remind him to scroll up and read

[true sage]

But hey, you do you. I know how it feels to be attached to someone, I really do, especially if it's a year or so, in your case. It's pretty hard to overcome that kind of experience when you're that attached to someone already

[nimble moss]

even after reading he just said happy anniversary no nicknames like before

[nimble moss]

i was always afraid to fall in love because of how i saw my parents having bad marriage i always stayed away from love never even had a crush but when he came in my life i dont know what was wrong with me what was i thiking that i proposed him and he accepted and i made the biggest mistake of my life

i always wanted to stay independent because i have seen broken marriages my whole life since childhood

[true sage]

That hit right in the liver. I feel sorry for you, twin. Judging from how you love that person, it hurts a little bit knowing they're not giving the same effort, much less a nickname

[nimble moss]

i even said him call me baby please and he said im not a machine i forget sometimes so i stopped reminding him and he didnt say a single nickname for a month now

even today he just game for a single second texted one message that he is awake then disappeard now he wont come until tomorrow evening

came*

he is starting to stay so far that when he comes and talks for like 5 mins i get happy i know its so stupid how am i settling for such less but it makes me happy

i even tried to ask him am i wrong somewhere did my behavior upset him in any way if he even loves me and if he doesnt i asked him to say it and not keep me in doubts but he avoided the messages

[true sage]

Me too, and I understand how that feels. That's how I felt when I was with my ex. The feeling is nice when someone comes into our lives and plays a role in it. The warmth, comfort, and care—it's valid to want those; however, judging from what he is giving you and your reaction to it, I can only say that you lack self-respect. I don't want to belittle you or anything, I'm just saying this to help you become more aware so by the end of the day, you'll feel a little bit lighter once the worst happens

[nimble moss]

how do i even develop self respect when i doubt myself that im not worth loving i have insecurities im not confident either

[true sage]

He's such an avoidant person. I see my ex in him, but only the parts where he avoids communication😔🙏

[nimble moss]

i believed i was pretty because of him but now i feel bad for myself again i dont feel pretty anymore

why do guys say they will stay forever and wont change like others but in end they just do change and break hearts he was my first

and my biggest mistake was telling my mom about him now even my mom has hopes up and keeps asking about him so much that how is he what is he doing hows his life

i just try to smile and avoid the topic but it breaks me inside that what do i tell her i know nothing how his life actually is

[true sage]

I see myself in you, and I want you to know that you're not alone in this. I felt that way too. Being chosen by someone is nice; it boosts our self-confidence and gives us the affirmation that we are good enough to be valued and worthy of love, not just from friends and family. Twin, you're already worthy without him. Maybe you're in an environment that doesn't acknowledge your worth, and that's okay; we didn't ask for it, yet here we are, surviving every day.

Even without him, you're worthy of being held. You're worthy of being picked without asking for it. You're worthy of being chosen even with your flaws and doubts. Everyone is beautiful; it's the environment that seems to oppose this, or rather, you're surrounded by people who don't see your beauty, your worth, or the entirety of you.

Your worth shouldn't be defined by one person, and I hope you know that.

He was my first too

Your situation feels like a parallel version of me wherein I continued my relationship with him and we both were enrolled in different universities. I thank the heartbreak, but I still miss him. So much that it's breaking me, but I know that my feelings are valid and so are yours

[nimble moss]

everyone points out on insecurities that maybe no one even wants to notice good things in me

do i just give him the same energy and wait for him to say about the breakup because i just cant let go and let him tell others that i was wrong when i loved him with my whole heart

everytime i think of acting how he is behaving and then i go in chats and i soften up and be nicer even though it breaks me but it will break me more if he got hurt and the reason was me

[true sage]

I suggest you block out the noise, at best. Just because a negative comment is there, doesn't mean it's the whole truth. You know your truth and your worth, you know yourself more than anyone. Though, It's only up to you whether or not to feel the negativity, but know that it's okay to feel it still. We're not robots incapable of feeling; We don't know how to exactly feel and react, and that's okay

[true sage]

Would he feel the same concern as you feel for him? If you go soft on him, once you do that, would he do the same for you?

If your answer is yes, I understand. I felt that way once, but that's because I saw him as he once was—the perfect person whom I valued the most, even more than myself and the people around me. But that's not how he is now; that's not the same person whom I once valued. Again, it's not uncommon to rationalize toxic behavior. We tend to think of them as still being the same kind and caring person they once were, hoping they'll change because we see the good in them—that maybe all of this is just a phase or a bad dream—but that's not how they are now.

Right now, they're giving you breadcrumbs, and you, who are full of love for them, accept it regardless of the pain. To me, you're allowing yourself to be put on a leash; You're allowing yourself to be taken advantage of, they know you'll accept it because they know you love them that much.

But what about yourself? Would you want that for yourself?

I don't encourage you to do what he did to you, or rather, to reciprocate the same energy he gives you now. All I can say is to stay true to yourself, and at best, you should initiate the breakup regardless of the outcome. It's okay to feel anxious about the uncertainty of the outcome, whether or not he'll talk badly about you and the relationship, but that's on THEM, not you.

Based on what you've told me so far, you're not the type of person who would do the same thing he does to you because, to me, you have a big heart—full of care and love that not everybody has the capacity to give, yet you are giving it to the wrong person. Know that I appreciate you for having it and for the capacity to love someone that deeply.

[nimble moss]

no he wont go soft on me if he wanted he would have gone soft for a past whole month he just changed he isnt the person i fell in love with that person was one who cared listened to me talked to me until i wasnt crying anymore comforted me made me feel safe didnt let me felt insecure ever

i dont want that i want his full love not just 5 mins of day i want him to share with me to open up i was there to listen from the very start

[true sage]

If they talk badly about you after the breakup, let them. It only says a lot about them, and that's on them, not you. People change overtime, and knowing that he'd done so if ever that happens, he never actually cared for you deeply from the start, and you deserve more than that

[nimble moss]

i also have one more reason to fear initiating breakup what if he ends up blackmailing me he knows my family i would not be able to bear this i might even end up hurting myself if that happens thats why im not saying to breakup first

one min ill go fill up my water bottle

[true sage]

It's valid to have that feeling, but know that if he does that, he never actually was for you.

Sure, he gives you care, love, and assurance, but judging from what you said, it already feels wrong. Love should be safe, and right now, you feel danger rather than that. If he blackmails you, he doesn't love you at all.

I suggest you go back to your friends and family. Create a support system for whatever may happen before, during, and after this situation. At least you still have people who can support you through thick and thin. Just because you've cut them off or avoided them during the relationship doesn't mean you can't reconcile with them and talk about it. Know that I'm here too if you want to talk about it.

If life is going south and you feel like giving up, my DMs are open. I'll do my best to respond, but know that I also have a life outside Discord, so I'm busy most of the time and may or may not be able to respond right away

[nimble moss]

most of them deleted their ids i dont know what their new ids are

[nimble moss]

its alright u gave me too much time tysm for that it made me feel lighter i was feeling suffocated before now im a little better

according to what he tells me is that he is asleep like he wakes up in evening then before i wake up at night he is asleep

he never use to sleep this much

[true sage]

I pray for your safety🙏🙏

[nimble moss]

he had some problems with sleeping he always use to sleep with me on vc

he has a second acc on new year eve he got drank for the first time and didnt even told me or showed me pics i got to know from his second acc story when i asked him he avoided to answer

[true sage]

Girly, I have to hold your hand when I say this

[nimble moss]

the problem wasnt that he cant drink or anything it was that we use to share things

my intiution says so much that he has another girl but i could be wrong maybe

[true sage]

Dear Lawd

[true sage]

Break up with him

You don't deserve this pain😢🙏

[true sage]

That's what I felt too🥹

[nimble moss]

like just sudden? he is like a person if i do something he is gonna get in fight mode and can do worse things

even his horoscope said something about other girl i was just scrolling idk if its true or not if those star signs are real or not but it felt real over how he is behaving

he had decreased talking to me to 1 sec do u think if another month passes he will forget me himself ?

i have reduced my typing too

im not typing much anymore just a hi and that im going to sleep bye thats all i wrote

[true sage]

Think about it first before doing it. From an outsider's perspective, he's doing more harm than good, and you don't even feel safe around him. That's already toxic, and I want you to have clean air. I care for you even when we're both still strangers to each other, and I hope you do too for yourself.

Express why you wanted to break up. Express your concerns about his behaviour, how you feel, how it affected you, everything, and if he didn't take the time to process it properly, then he's not the one for you. Do know that if he actually cared, he should've made an effort to change for you

You deserve someone who still sees your worth without breaking up, or without losing you. Twin, you deserve so much more than someone who only gives you the bare minimum

[nimble moss]

yep right these were things we talked about before to that if they wanted they would no one is too busy to give atleast few mins to their partner to make them feel loved

[nimble moss]

i honestly never want to love again

[true sage]

I don't really believe in, "If they wanted to, they would, " actually. I mean, sure, it stands, but we have our limits and capacity too, even when we're with the people we love and value the most. It's not selfish to want what's best for ourselves, but that shouldn't come at the cost of others. At best, tell them how you feel rather than avoid it entirely; Sit with the discomfort rather than dismiss it, and that's where he lacked. That's on him, not you. Remember that, twin

[true sage]

Maybe right now you could say that, and that's okay. It's valid. The pain is there and I appreciate you acknowledging it—just goes to show you care and love deeply. I pray that one day, you'll be able to love again, but I wouldn't want to force it on you. Whatever you do, I'll support it

[nimble moss]

thank u for listening and comforting me

tonight i wont go to bed in tears ty ty

[true sage]

You can cry btw, don't worry about it. Cry as much as you want if that means you'll feel lighter after, there's nothing wrong with it. What you're going through is no joke, and it's okay to feel sad sometimes

You'll get through it, I know you can. You're not alone in this, I'm here. I'm still healing too

[nimble moss]

i been crying way to much thinking i was the one wrong that maybe i was lacking somewhere or maybe i have gotten boring

[nimble moss]

[true sage]

Maybe you are and maybe you aren't, but that doesn't mean he wasn't wrong too. That also doesn't mean you don't have the right to cry, or feel uncertainty, or feel every negative emotion you have right now

[nimble moss]

yep but i just wanted that if he could tell me where was i wrong i could have fixed it he promised to share everything no matter what would happen

[true sage]

I understand. You deserve clarity, an answer to all your WHYs and HOWs, but his avoidance? That's already your answer tbh, twin. If he cared, he'd tell you the discomfort, and he didn't. I suggest you don't wait, because if you do, you're only waiting for something that probably won't ever come judging from his actions, but you do you

If waiting makes you feel lighter, then I don't want to force you to not do so. Again, I'll respect whatever decision you may make

[nimble moss]

not waiting but letting him forget me makes me feel lighter and lesser fear and anxiety before he breaks up i want to be stronger that when he breaks up or if i break up with him i wont go in stressed days because i cant let this all effect my studies its my college final year

im too sensitive rn and if im not strong enough nor have courage rn i know if i broke up now ill be shattered i have no emotional support i need to build one first to take a step

[true sage]

Alright, alright

I understand

[nimble moss]

do u think its a better idea

[true sage]

I'll be here if you want a listening ear

[nimble moss]

tysm

btw im 18 i was 16 when we got into relation

[true sage]

Ohh, you're a year older than me

[nimble moss]

and he is younger from me

[nimble moss]

oo u make me feel like u are the older one hehe

[true sage]

My ex is too

[nimble moss]

he said me age wont matter

[true sage]

I get that lot, don't worry. I feel like I'm past my 50s because of my music taste and the way I give advices😭🙏

[nimble moss]

dont mind but not like a year or 2 younger he is full 3 years younger i know im dumb

[true sage]

College?? I'm still in high-school, Senior high school, to be exact🥀 but then again, we have different school systems

[true sage]

So currently, he's 15?

[nimble moss]

yeah

[nimble moss]

oo im about to get admission in university

[true sage]

Makes sense, the immaturity is through the roof

[nimble moss]

i wanna earn which doing degree so i can do my masters in turkey its my dream country

[true sage]

At 15, I was still playing Minecraft with my friends and doing bedwars ong😭🙏

[nimble moss]

he said me he was mature and he felt like one when we started dating

[nimble moss]

us us i use to be in a fandom and make fan edits and play roblox

and he got too many girls as friends with benefits on snapchat before me

he told me about them

[true sage]

And his consistency wasn't present when the relationship started to grow. He may have said it before, but his actions doesn't align to what he's saying now

[nimble moss]

true

when he turned 15 everything began changing from then a little by little

[true sage]

That would be my ex too but in a different font. Not the Snapchat, he just had a lot of exes before me—currently, I'm the 6th

[nimble moss]

i was noticing because im too good at noticing even a little things but he made me think im overthinking

i am his first in relation but he had to many friends on snaps before me he says he have them from like when he was 8 my rection was like he must be joking

[true sage]

That's already a red flag. Bro was born a player😭🙏

But that's my opinion

I don't know him fully

[nimble moss]

i was too young to get it i never had a relation experience at age 16 so idk what mistakes did i just made

he told me all those girls send him their pics like i think he manipulated me into sending those kinda pics

he said me wont u feel jealous if i see someone else

[true sage]

I

I don't know what to say😭

[nimble moss]

ikk im so dumb to make all these mistakes

[true sage]

Those kinda pics?

[nimble moss]

like how do i explain

[true sage]

No no, it's your first time loving someone. I understand, it's normal to make mistakes, and I'm glad you acknowledge them

[true sage]

No need, I get the gist

[nimble moss]

just not on this i been making mistakes everytime dont know when will i get acutal working brain which will help me not do mistakes

[true sage]

I need to hold your hand when I say this.

Even in situations like these—healthy or not—people are still capable of making mistakes. You have a working brain and you don't need a transplant or anything. The other person just doesn’t have one, and his lack of it is making you feel like you don't have one, which leads you to believe that you're wrong all the time. Love shouldn't make you feel less, even when you know you are more

It's valid to feel like you shouldn't be making mistakes. I understand, completely, and your partner knows that well

[nimble moss]

u make me feel better about myself tysm for that

he always joked about that i dont have brain

[true sage]

HUGE step back

Truthfully, I would not let that slide

EVER

[nimble moss]

i thought it was just in jokes he said it so many times

like every other day when i said something he would say u need brain to think which u dont have

[true sage]

Joke or not, he's being insensitive and dismissive of your feelings. We don't deserve that kind of joke

[nimble moss]

but he use to say with emojis so i though it would be joke

[true sage]

Though, since the relationship is kinda long now, some people think it's okay saying it since there's closeness, but the question is

Do YOU feel comfortable when he tells you that?

[nimble moss]

i felt low that i cant be the one everytime with no brain he never accepts his mistakes and shows me my mistake when i try to point out his

from start he is like this

[true sage]

The immaturity is loud

[nimble moss]

for the first 3 months we didnt use to fight but then when we use to fight he never accepted his mistakes and said me i was wrong

[true sage]

Not even an apology, right?

[nimble moss]

no never

he made me say sorry

[true sage]

You're like me

[nimble moss]

and i use to say it to not make him cry

i use to believe from reels that boys accept and says sorry for their most fav woman but i found the opposite

and here even for his mistakes i use to say sorry just to finish fights

once he blocked me from his second acc

i saw it and confronted him

and he said me instead that no i didnt block u

then he went and unblocked me acted like see i didnt block u

and its the same acc he posted that wine drinking story on new year's eve

i always had bad vibes from that acc dont know what he even does there

[true sage]

I'm sorry you had to go through that, Eve. You deserve so much more than that immature BOY who doesn't care about what you feel

[nimble moss]

and here i kept thinking he was mature

was i manipulated or something

[true sage]

Most likely, and again, I'm sorry you had to go through that

You're allowing him because he knows you'll still be there despite that pain. Would you still want to continue knowing that?

[nimble moss]

dont be i dont know why i always go through same heart breaks over and over again in friendships relationships

[true sage]

Abandonment?

[nimble moss]

no i dont im waiting till i build emotional support to take the break up step i dont think i can give him a second chance he hurted me enough

[nimble moss]

yeah in family in friendship and now in relationship been seeing this since childhood and my little mind thought maybe finally he would keep me happy but oh well

[true sage]

I'll respect it, when that time comes that you're ready, for whatever happens, I'll be here

[nimble moss]

ty tyy

[true sage]

Take it as a stepping stone for the person you'll become in the future. A canon event and a life lesson so by then, you'll know when to stop or continue. I believe you'll make it, and I hope you will

[nimble moss]

i hope too im too tired from always facing disappointment for once i wanna live my life with peace and no drama

[true sage]

Remember to take a break once in a while, okay? You deserve to have breaks too, even relapses

[nimble moss]

yepp i will remember this thank u for giving me your time it means alot to me it mad me feel so much lighter and better

[true sage]

Glad I could helpp

[nimble moss]

ill try to sleep a little its 2am for me

[true sage]

Alr, have a good night sleepp

Rn it's 4am, so I've been texting you since 12😭🙏

[nimble moss]

tyy tyy take care byeee

[true sage]

But i dont regret it, don't worry

[nimble moss]

im so greatful that u were there for me

[true sage]

I'm grateful you're here too. It takes a lot of courage to talk about your problems, especially when we're both still strangers to each other

[nimble moss]

i thought i was the odd case because i was using chatgpt for help because i had no one to talk to but coming here i got to know im not the alone one alot of people have been here and it gave a little courage knowing how they moved on

[true sage]

I use chatgpt too, don't worry about it. I sometimes use grok to tell me about how I should do this and that, and it's great knowing I'm not the only one

It's kinda nice seeing people move on too

[nimble moss]

yepp true it helps in giving courage that i could never have by being all alone

[true sage]

Now you go sleepp, big day ahead of us and we need the energy to get through it