Just need help

[elder spade]

We recently have had fights daily, specifically for the last 2h we had one, we both love eachother, but Im an overthinker I fully trust her but she unadded me and added me back recently a lot after fights but this time she did it and removed me from her bio and put up a picture of her waist as her public profile on snap. Also followed too guys, as I explained to her that it seemed of, and that I was insecure because she had unadded me last night. I told her I felt that way and we fought for 2h and finally concluded we js needed a fresh start, so we talk about what we Bith want and our boundaries, but after all that she said im insecure, but I do trust her, the reason IVE been insecure Befire if because I don’t want other people to have say abt our relationship and potentially changing how we feel by luring us away or other causes. I don’t trust other men manipulating or even women. So yea she said im insecure after the fight and that I should talk to a therapist about it because it’s. It fair for her and she wants freedom, and now she has gone to nap and we are on call because she wants to call.

[barren sluice]

take what i say with a grain of salt, but in my opinion this is not okay. yes it's okay to need space after an argument, but putting a picture of her waist and adding two guys? is she trying to find someone new or make you jealous? that is toxic and dangerous and i would be insecure too. i do not think you need a therapist, i think your girl needs to be more clear with you so that you do not overthink, and not to do weird things when she needs a break because that will cause understandable insecurity

[elder spade]

Im sorry I may have not been clear, ahe unadded me before a few times recently and she did it when I fell asleep when we were supposed to be chatting toghether and she explained that she unadded me because it’s easier than talking to me about being mad at me but she sorta never gave an actual answer to the waist thing, and the two guys “ugh fine I won’t add any boys on insta” and said she just accepted them bc they had mutual followers. As boundaries she wants freedom and basically she says im wrong for overthinking because I don’t trust her and I should get a therapist because I overthink… I just want her to understand the stuff she does will make overthink because truthfully there is a reason to, I love her. I don’t mind her following guys or having guy friends, it’s the fact we are in a bad era of the relationship and she does stuff that any person would know it looks like she wants to leave me or replace me or make me jealous and of course now she wants digital privacy and her accounts and stuff :/

[barren sluice]

oooh the digital freedom makes sense yea she should have that to some extent, and it may be hard but i think learning to trust her on insta will not only make you feel better but make her feel better too. however, it is reasonable that you overthink and have a hard time trusting because her unadding you makes it seem like she is pushing you away and/or trying to hide something. if she needs a break she can just tell you/mute her phone, unadding is unescessay. and she said she does because it's easier than talking to you about why she's mad? that's essentially her avoiding conflict and problems, avoiding communicating. no wonder why you overthink and feel untrusting of her, communication = trust. she can't take the easy way out, she needs to communicate with you about why she's mad, she can have breaks but it's doesn't mean shutting you out. an example would be like "i am going to take a 3 hour break and not respond for three hours because this argument is very overwhelming to me". you would respect that boundary and she would respect you too. because of course when we are mad we do not communicate well and say things that we do not mean. i see both sides, she deserves her freedom but not to the extent where she avoids hard conversations. wishing you well 🙏

[elder spade]

I see her view aswell, I made it difficult for her to communicate because I pushed her into it alot and yes she deserves freedom and I am sure we will talk about her js telling me to not talk instead because it would make us both happier. Thank you so much and it seems we have finally sorted things out :))