meimei’s mess 🖋️ | The Therapy Center | Page 1

fast needle Dec 22, 2025, 2:33 AM

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tw: triggering subjects/trauma mention ||sh recovery, sa trauma, eating disorder||
Hi, usually ramble about my thoughts and I’ve been needing a new outlet…

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I can’t stop thinking about it

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God

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All I can think of is sh

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I lost my damn cutter I can’t do this

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I miss

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I wanna say I miss feeling okay

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But I don’t

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I rlly don’t

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Normal feels bad

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Feeling like this feels bad

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Everything feels bad

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I want to help

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But I can’t

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I can’t be their support system anymore

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It’s too much

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I really

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I’m giving up

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It’s too tiring

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I’m doing everything I can

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And I hate

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I hate telling them no

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I will never

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But god am I tired

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I can’t feel

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Shir

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In peace

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Never

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I can never feel like shit without

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Someone having it worse

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And I have to comfort them.

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Fuck this.

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My thoughts just keep racing I wanna cry so bad.

fast needle Dec 22, 2025, 6:02 PM

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I see a razor blade I see a candle I

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I wanna crumble

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I wanna do it

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I wanna burn myself

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I wanna cut I wanna use it

fast needle Dec 22, 2025, 8:01 PM

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I’m the fuck up sibling.

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HamsterStare

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I want

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I want someone’s attention

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I want someone to like

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Fuck me up

fast needle Dec 22, 2025, 8:29 PM

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FAT

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FATASS

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GOD I HATE EATINF

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I HAHE EAYINF I HATE HEATING I HATE EATINFB

fast needle Dec 24, 2025, 7:46 PM

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I’m so sorry

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Oh my god I feel so shitty

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I’ve been such a shitty GIRLFEIEND

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I hate myself I hate myself

fast needle Jan 7, 2026, 1:39 PM

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07/01/2025

I haven't felt this depressed in a long time. maybe it's just because i'm starting school and i'm not used to it, but goddamn it do I feel like my heart is heavy and the world is sinking down on me. I hate that i do. I hate that I'm spending my formative teenage years miserable and crying inside because I can't express it outside. I'm genuinely so tired. I'm overwhelmed with tasks and there's so much to do, I don't feel like getting up and so much of me just wants to cut myself until my arms go numb. I want to relapse. I want to relapse so bad and i want to be locked up. Maybe it's for the better because i don't want to do this anymore. I want to be left alone, please. I just feel like everything is too much.

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My heart feels heavy, my body feels like it weighs so many pounds and every question feels like a threat. I feel my kindness fading. I feel myself slip away into a ghost that just watches because I have no energy to socialise. I'm genuinely so tired.

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I hate not having privacy in this house. That I can't even cry and I can't even write a journal when I used to love writing. All because my mother won't let me have even a single sliver of privacy and I hate her so damn much for it.

fast needle Jan 7, 2026, 2:03 PM

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i don't want to answer anyone's texts

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its so

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daunting

fast needle Jan 12, 2026, 2:34 AM

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12/01/2025
I'm fine with my girlfriend, our relationship is going really smoothly after I explained everything, I think we both might be getting better. But really every problem solved just leaves me closer to feeling empty again. I really feel lost and empty.

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I feel like i'm too busy with everyone else I can't work on myself, I feel overwhelmed and drained and I really, really feel like killing myself. I feel ostrocised from my friends, and so so fucking lonely

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I had a DND sesh and i'm worried I was too nerdy and they think I'm weird because I genuinely seemed like the few people actually into it.

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I"ve been getting better at managing project XII, i'm being more active and at least she's happy, but i genuienly feel so empty. I wasted my weekend and I barely got my shit together, i feel so so so empty and I relapsed last night and i want more. i want to cut more i want to ruin myself.

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Seeing her, seeing the one that molested me talk so casually

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Like it never happened, like it didn't happen and I never even mattered to her, I can't

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Sometimes I wish she did it again

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sometimes i wish she did more so maybe i could hate her

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but i never could. not after she made me feel like i was allpwed to feel like shit.

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i wish she held me down more, so maybe i could

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feel

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shitty

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so.i could feel unsafe because maybe feeling unsafe will just make me feel wanted in the most twisted way

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I cry looking at her, I cry feeling like a whore begging for her attention like

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i'm pathetic

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It hurts, it hurts so bad, but I don't wanna tell Shads, Amber or Kei. It really hurts because I don't wanna be an attention seeker, I don't wanna seem annoying. I feel like I have been really fucking annoying recently.

fast needle Jan 14, 2026, 1:51 AM

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14/01/2025
It hits me that I might fuck up everything. My body is so tired and I don't have the energy to be positive or kind. I'm just tired. I'll spend my adult years looking back at my teen years and regretting, and it will always follow me. I really wanna relapse again, and i can only think about negative shit. I really miss being happy and carefree.

I think I may have depression? Don't wanna self diagnose, but I really hope this is normal.

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I miss getting groomed..

fast needle Jan 18, 2026, 2:05 PM

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18/01/2026
My head really hurt today, and my mom was gone yesterday. She was more here today. I went to church and the whole time my head really hurt, I didn't get much done.

I just really feel unproductive and from an outward POV, I feel like a weird loser who wants to khs. Nonetheless, I feel like a weirdo at Shads and Amber and I also feel like I'm slipping, like my writing quality and art quality is deteriorating. I cried this morning because I almost thoought I lost my brother's bookmarks and I also cried when my mom asked for me to choose some sport that'd make me happy.

Really, no sport does. And she doesn't like it when I cosplay. It feels gross that I'm wasting my teenhood as a no-sport, no talent teen. My physicality isn't good and mentally i'm not either. Just an artist and writer, anyone can be that. I guess I have theatre going for me, but.. Idk. Anywho, talking with my mom really makes my self esteem plummet. I never feel like I'm good enough, and.. I really just. I wanna bottle it up. I don't wanna be attention seeking.

fast needle Feb 20, 2026, 12:59 AM

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20/02/2026
I'm gonna stop being friends with shads. I love her, but it rlly hurt when she just called me overwhelming and not say it to my face. I can't take it anymore and I'm gonna vent this out one way or another. I left my only venting server and now this is my only one left. i'm tired. i miss her sm but it hurts more than anything.

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i've always wanted to die clean n pretty or smt mitski sai d

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hahah i've started ||bruising|| myself.. it's getting a lot worse, i feel like i'm js doing it for attention

fast needle Feb 20, 2026, 1:06 AM

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fast needle It hurts, it hurts so bad, but I don't wanna tell Shads, Amber or Kei. It reall...

wondeerful foreshadowing mei

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you should've just shut the fuck up.

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you are an annoying bitch.

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i feel so stupid

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stalkholm syndrome they said

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hshhajdhkhgdkhsgkdghkd fuck me

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FUCK ME .

fast needle Feb 20, 2026, 1:43 AM

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HAJSJKAHJADH YOU FUCKING DOG MEI

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UR A DOG FOLLOWING PEOPLE AROUND YOU PATHETIC SLUT

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god i need someone to take advantage of me

fast needle Feb 20, 2026, 4:17 PM

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i feel like

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a sinking feeling in my chest

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god i'm annoying

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god i'm a bitch

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i don't wanna talk to shads

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i don't wanna see her

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but i still want her to be my friend

fast needle Feb 22, 2026, 2:18 PM

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MY

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MY MOM SAID SHE WAS PROUD OF ME

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nooo

fast needle Feb 22, 2026, 5:09 PM

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eugh i wanna say smt but

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i'm gonna be way too dry

fast needle Feb 22, 2026, 6:31 PM

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all i do is kill the convo

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okay

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hsjhkadjhgkdgkd

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i should shut up

fast needle Feb 25, 2026, 2:49 PM

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i

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i miss being her friend

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i've been tryharding being her friend

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but

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god

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why won't she

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why her

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why one of my friends?

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and not me??

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i was close to her first

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why not me??

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what do i have to do to be your friend agin

fast needle Feb 25, 2026, 3:21 PM

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"every trio has a duo" yeah

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i'm letting them be a duo.

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fuck

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i can't connect to them anymore

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all i do is worry

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no wonder they don't want to be friends

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i'm no better than my mother,

fast needle Feb 25, 2026, 3:48 PM

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they're

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onto smt.

fast needle Feb 25, 2026, 4:14 PM

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kms

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kmskmskmskmskmskms

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i'm not good enough for any of them am i

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fuck me

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WHY NOT ME WHY NOT ME FUCK ME FUCK ME FUCK ME

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i'm gonna kill myself

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i'm losing all of them

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i'm not good enough for anyone

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losing it

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fuck you

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fuck you

drowsy pelican Feb 25, 2026, 5:23 PM

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fast needle i'm gonna kill myself

don’t do that please

drowsy pelican Feb 25, 2026, 5:24 PM

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fast needle i'm not good enough for any of them am i

You are good enough for them you very much are.

drowsy pelican Feb 25, 2026, 5:29 PM

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fast needle i miss being her friend

About your friend have you tried making contact in any way?

fast needle Feb 26, 2026, 3:36 AM

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hi

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mb gng i should add the no reply tag </3

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it's fine rlly, just crashing out

fast needle Mar 8, 2026, 8:27 AM

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i miss being gr*omed

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i miss them sm

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i miss being their

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thing

fast needle Mar 8, 2026, 7:25 PM

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.help

flat jungleBOT Mar 8, 2026, 7:25 PM

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fast needle Mar 8, 2026, 7:25 PM

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.help chat

flat jungleBOT Mar 8, 2026, 7:25 PM

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fast needle Apr 13, 2026, 7:50 AM

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Guess who's back...

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genuinely hoping i heal but..

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HamsterStare

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will i..

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will i....

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i really feel like i'm morphing into a person i don't recognise like.. idk

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i feel like a kid swallowing food shoved in their mouth

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everything hurts man..

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goddamn it

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the urge to overeat

fast needle Apr 19, 2026, 4:23 PM

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i might be an age regressor.

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that and

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ohh my god i just

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FUCK I WANNA GO BACK TO HIM

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FUCK ME IN THE ASS.

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I JUST WANNA BE BABIED AGAIN KILL ME

fast needle Apr 19, 2026, 4:43 PM

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IT DOESN'T COUNTT

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HAHAJSHHASKH

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HAHAAAA

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HAHAHSHUASHSAHL IT DIDN'T COUNT

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IT DOESN'T COUNT!!

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UR JS A PATHETIC ASS BABY.

fast needle Apr 19, 2026, 5:13 PM

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its getting bad again it's getting bad again lalalallalaa

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i've BEEN an age regressor oh my god

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it was so obvious

fast needle Apr 20, 2026, 11:33 AM

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oh.

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yeah ok

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no one want me fr <3

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no one.

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not even her

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i hate being an age regressor

fast needle Apr 20, 2026, 12:56 PM

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nothing beats the thrill of being on stage

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idt i'll ever be as happy

fast needle Apr 21, 2026, 3:19 PM

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i wanna throw up

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"i'm here for you, you're not alone" i am.

fast needle Apr 21, 2026, 3:43 PM

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relapsed

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i don't know how i feel anymore..

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i'm so tired

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i just wanna die

fast needle May 2, 2026, 3:48 PM

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i can't even enjoy my favourite songs anymore

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i'm so tired

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is life worth living anymore

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i just

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i miss being someone's little

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i want to age regress again

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with someone to lean back to

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i just wanna crumble

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this was supposed to be a productivity journal

fast needle May 24, 2026, 5:22 PM

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i want new friends..

fast needle May 28, 2026, 7:38 AM

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i wanna throw up

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i'm so tired of their bullshit

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everyone's bullshit

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i'm barely scraping by

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dear diary i'm out of healing and back to yoloing

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empty

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lost yoloing it pisses me off

fast needle May 29, 2026, 3:35 AM

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why can she do so good

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after molesting me

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why is she doing so good.

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i will never forget what SHE DID.

fast needle May 29, 2026, 5:41 PM

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meow i'm so unproductive!! meow!!

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nooo

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i just wished someone

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something wanted me

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wanted me more than the experience, the moments they got

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does anyone know who mei is

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no mei doesn't even know who mei is

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doll

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stupid doll

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i feel an itch

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i miss him

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eugh i won't talk to him no

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i just miss him

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and her

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and whoever

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i think i'll miss him forever

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fuck off if he sees this shit it would be so embarassing fuck off

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me when my teacher tells me he'll talk me through the graidng bands <3

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i js wanna be loved

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really loved

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uncomditionally loved

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without sex or

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body

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or

fast needle May 30, 2026, 5:25 PM

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God it's my fault

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it's for the better, but.. yeah

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breakups are normal and it will pass

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just

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it hurts knowing that

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it hurts feeling like it will never be the same

fast needle May 31, 2026, 5:34 PM

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meimei’s mess 🖋️

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sometimes i feel like i don't know what to do with my life, i mean i'm priviledged enough to try to get better, but it feels useless. i'm not satisfied with my grades, everything just feels empty.

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i really wish i could be better for my family

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i'm tired of some people

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i just wanna rest

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rest from all this numbness?

#meimei’s mess 🖋️