8-year emotional trauma

[dense oyster]

I have been friends with this one girl ever since 3rd grade. Basically half my life now. But recently like around 2-3 years ago I been dealing with many thing with her. I feel like I been pushed around, ignored, and that one therapy friend who I have to deal with her “problems” when she can solve them herself without whining about and so on. All these negative things coming around her had affected me to the point I cant look into their eyes properly and talking about it just ruins my mood for like months.

I stopped contact with her, but I can’t seem to let go of everything I have went through with her.

Can someone give me advice on how to lose this emotional draining thoughts from coming back? I want to release the stress I had to deal with over the course of years with her and I cant seem to go forward.

[dreamy forum]

I dont understand how you feel but I am assuming that you two have a platonic relationship. Correct me if I'm wrong btw. But from what I see I can tell you are a very caring person and supportive friend; however at the end of the day we must realize that we also have to take care of ourselves. We shouldn't feel the need to carry someone else's burden and problems on ourselves because that is their own life and only they can fix it. The best thing I can tell you is to let it go. Worrying about her problems and thinking about them won't make her problems improve and it'll only make you more drained. Focus on yourself.

[dense oyster]

I get that, and I’ve already let go by distancing myself and cutting off contact. It’s just hard because after so many years, my memories don’t vanish instantly. I’m not worried about her problems anymore. But thinking about her just brings back all the things we did together over those eight years and I just cant seem to get over with that.

[dense oyster]

oh well, just met her today and I almost crashed my car cause I got stressed so bad 😭

[dreamy forum]

yes i am proud of you realizing this and starting to distance yourself. It is obviously going to take time to fade as it wont disappear overnight. Just like how you cant become rich over night you also cant get rid of your memories overnight. Just continue to distract yourself with priorities revolving around yourself. Do you know why you may feel the need to worry for her

[dense oyster]

I dont worry about her. Well, except maybe how she she wants to be an anesthesiologist and how she may end up killing her patients from how much hes not logical. But besides that I don’t really feel much worry about her. But just like having to see, feel, or hear her presence just kills my mood instantly cause of how much negative she was around 2-3 years

every single conversation I had to hear was her being negative. Even to the things she could have solved herself easily but yet complains

[dreamy forum]

I see well like I said just gradually focus on thinking about her less each day and minimize contact. Each time you catch yourself thinking about her, change your mind and thoughts to something else. Whenever you catch yourself recalling memories of her focus on something else and if necessary try putting her in a negative light so that you wouldn't feel the need to think about her or feel obligated and guilty.

After the denial period you can begin to accept that she has hurt you but also made many benficial impacts on your life (like great memories)