Time to end it?

[lavish copper]

When your gf tells you she's sick of your rs, should you break up?
She always seems tired and admits to being too tired to talk me regularly. She has a tough job (10 hour shifts) I know, but whats the point of sticking arnd if i add nothing to her life.

[patent saddle]

Is that job something she has to do, or something she is devoted to?

If you guys can take a week break and spend time together and everything improves then the job is the problem

If not, then perhaps it doesnt work

[lavish copper]

She has to to afford college in two years

[patent saddle]

Are you looking for someone to help give you the courage to break up?

[gloomy axle]

Well, end of the day, you shouldn’t be at a point where you’re asking someone else if you should break up. Unfortunately, it’s not a decision anyone can/should make except one or both of you. I would ask yourself the question above, and then also take some time to think about what you and her want. We will all question our own decisions, relationships, etc. but it gets to a point where you have to decide what you want/need, because either she’s going to decide for you and you’re going to be worse off, or you’re going to stay stuck like this. In the end, if I were you, I would reflect on some of these things from your perspective vs hers, then act accordingly, most likely being bringing it up in a gentle and reassuring manner at a time where you know they aren’t being stressed/pressured by outside factors, and they WANT to talk.

[lavish copper]

its is that

i find it really hard to trust her when se contradicts herself in what she says. @gloomy axle @patent saddle

like

when she tells me her phone is dead

and thats why she couldnt text me

but i can see on pics that it wasnt dead

her saying she cant text me in breaks

which is bs and she always found different reasons for being:

oh idk i forgot

phone dead

phone in bag

most recent one is oh i always nap in breaks

which is bullshit

and contradicts what she told me before

most important thing

that has never let me go is

that she lost the promise ring i gave her when we were together in the time we were broken up

• ofc the secret discord acc she made during that time to explore options besides me (unsuccessful)

which i only found out about bcs of friends

and she always came up with reasons for not showing me her chats there

jst fyi she used to be hella transparent with me, not anymore...

[patent saddle]

in the best case you two make this into a tough love, but it doesn't sound like it.

And if she is not the person you fell in love with anymore then you don't have to betray yourself, you don't seem to enjoy this relationship anymore

[lavish copper]

the thing is

i love her being there

and i love her

but im beginning to feel stupid

always giving her chances after chances

always trusting her naively

i know her life is tough

but whats the point of me being there, if me being there doesnt help her out

if she doesnt get energy from talking to me

if she gets tired of me and this rs

[patent saddle]

you should tell her that

[lavish copper]

can you really be sick of a person you love?

[lavish copper]

i told her some parts. what she said, quote " im sick of this LDR thing" "you should find someone closer to you"

"since february we have been in this shithole"

when i thought we were doing fine

for the most part

"jst saying that it was almost 10 months ago when everything did not go into the shithole"

"I'm tired of it

I'm tired of this"

[patent saddle]

this hits close to home. we're living in a shithole too. It's not good for any relationship, but in your case that doesn't sound like the only issue

Are you long distance?

[lavish copper]

like, her situation is that she has to hide us from her parents everyday

yes LDR

9k+ kms

and tbh i dont think

its worth it for her anymore

[patent saddle]

Dude, get out of that

[lavish copper]

whyy risk your safety

for someone you dont even really love anymore

speaking from her perspective

[lavish copper]

we been together almost three years now

i visited her last year and it went very well

[warm yoke]

have you guys made any plans to close the gap?

[lavish copper]

yes, but it will take years for her cus of her shitty parents

[warm yoke]

how many years and how old are you two?

[patent saddle]

this has not been exclusively ldr right?

[lavish copper]

21 and 19

almost three

[lavish copper]

yes except for when i visted her

[patent saddle]

Dude...

You're wasting yourself on this

[lavish copper]

oh well she was my purpose for living and growing old

tbh

so

i dont wanna be rash abt it

[warm yoke]

in my opinion if she's no longer putting effort, and you guys cant communicate it out, then...

did my message even send

oh

[patent saddle]

You 100%d Dark souls 3 that's enough Pain already. This is not good for you

[warm yoke]

bruh

[lavish copper]

she is putting in effort by risking her safety kinda to keep us safe from her parents

but her life already sucks

so idk man :(

im worried she would end it

like if i broke up

[lavish copper]

hahah lmao, i actually had fun with it

[warm yoke]

but didnt she say she wanted to breakup???

[lavish copper]

no

[patent saddle]

It sounds like she already has mentally broken up with you

[lavish copper]

ikr

[patent saddle]

and obviously no trouble checking for alternatives

[lavish copper]

:(

[warm yoke]

then why would she say this?

[patent saddle]

you have a high frust tolerance, this is too high

[warm yoke]

genuine question

[lavish copper]

toxic household, life sucks

[lavish copper]

i see

well i wonder if theres anything after her, in the lines of, purpose for my life

cus i stayed alive cus of her

[warm yoke]

there is plenty to look forward towards

[patent saddle]

yeah sure

[warm yoke]

I can give you my dream life list as an idea

its stuff I wanna do

[gloomy axle]

I just came back, this hits close for me especially right now. Im just going to tell you that you probably need to make some decisions that even I am not strong enough to make right now. I will say that attempting to leave it on a good note is never a bad thing, for both of your sakes, the blocking crap is where stuff gets difficult to get out of because of unsaid closure.

[patent saddle]

I recommend buying a 30yo car, if your into dysfunctional relationships lol 👍🏻

[gloomy axle]

^^

[lavish copper]

awe thank you

[warm yoke]

lemme send my list real quick

I have this in a Google document too

maybe make your own

[lavish copper]

its not a problem but

[warm yoke]

:3

[lavish copper]

i still have an obligation to my parents

like to stay arnd finish my studies

and take care of em

[lavish copper]

thats nice

W

[patent saddle]

sounds decent

[lavish copper]

yes but after that

like im so done with relationships

i prayed to god for her

[warm yoke]

ldr's lowkey suck the soul outta people sometimes

you can 100% take a break

[lavish copper]

not gonna be easy

for me tbh

but yeah im glad my parents are still there

or else i wouldnt be

😭

otherwise id just go on some crazy one way adventure

[gloomy axle]

At this point I think the only way forward is to try to talk to her on the same level with patience and kindness, and if she doesnt want that then unfortunately you can kind of see where she might already stand

[lavish copper]

okay, im waiting for her to wake up

we will see how things turn out

imma ask her if she wants to continue our relationship

i expect the answer to be no

but yeah

yeah i cant see a future without her

[warm yoke]

thats not good dawg 💔

[lavish copper]

well

never been so dedicated to anything in my life before

[gloomy axle]

Its not healthy, but its okay. If this can’t work out or move forward, go into the next relationship with that in mind. You are allowed to feel however you want about a person, and unfortunately they are allowed to react how they want.

[warm yoke]

yeag what crossiant cat says

[gloomy axle]

Thank you thank you I forgot i was a cat on here

[lavish copper]

thank you

[gloomy axle]

But yeah, pretty much nothing to it but to do it IMO.

[lavish copper]

well ill just see if she does it before i do it

[gloomy axle]

Talk it out, try and find ground, and if you cant then you cant and you know whats up

[lavish copper]

if she doesnt ill rethink but bro

i think she lowkey might be cheating

but i have no proof

😭

[gloomy axle]

Yeah for sure, never give up, that wouldnt be love, but know when to quit for both your sakes, thats real love right there

Nah i get it 1000%

[lavish copper]

its just bcs she has lied to me a few times now which kills my turst

trust

[gloomy axle]

I could go on for hours about what I think but all ill say is, believe what you can see. If you have second thoughts, thats another sign of something in between you all

[lavish copper]

well if it doesnt work out

i know im gonna die alone

[gloomy axle]

But from what you said thats for sure sketchy, hate to tell you dawg

[lavish copper]

and in that case it will be a choice too

[warm yoke]

overgeneralization

[lavish copper]

yeah

[warm yoke]

youre 21 you got 70-80 years to find someone

[lavish copper]

like yk to dedicate yourself to something

so much

more than anything before

and then it just fails

[gloomy axle]

I think that way sometimes too, then other times I feel like if I did it once and did it with so much effort, it can happen again, and better.

Nah i get it

We probably all do

[warm yoke]

you can still heal from it

[gloomy axle]

exactly

[lavish copper]

i might go enlist in the army if it dont work out, what do yall think

[gloomy axle]

Its all stuff youve heard before but theres a reason its said so much, dont feel overwhelmed, just keep moving forward

[lavish copper]

thx yall

[warm yoke]

im biased because I enjoy learnings about guns

so ill stay quiet on this

[gloomy axle]

I came very close long ago and have thought the same recently honestly, but i dont think the pain will last longer than the troubles that come with that career

Lololl lowkey same

[lavish copper]

oh hahaha

well im more looking for giving my life at the frontlines

[gloomy axle]

I know why its good and bad so i can really only say do it if you really really want to , maybe as a last resort or something, idk i never did so cant say really lol

[lavish copper]

i see haha

[warm yoke]

nah bro 💔 💔 💔 u can get paid more for not being at Frontlines

[limber anchor]

The army is a good option, especially for people that are not in a relationship or in one that needs to end. And also for peoples that don’t really have a career really aligned for them.

[warm yoke]

im gonna be a military engineer if I can :p

[lavish copper]

well its not so abt the money for me then if i join the military, but more doing something helpful for the world

and then like yk

with no regrets

pass

yeah

[limber anchor]

Joining the army will do that to you, especially in boot camp haha

[gloomy axle]

Thats fair, do you feel like you just have something to prove or do you actually want to help individuals/groups for their benefits?

[warm yoke]

i mean. personally im not patriotic i just like the military tech sphere

[lavish copper]

i dont want my death to be wasted basically, so helping others

[warm yoke]

Jets, tanks, ships, guns, are all cool to me

I wanna make or work on them

[limber anchor]

It won’t be either way

[lavish copper]

i mean if i died rn that would be a pretty big waste

[limber anchor]

Not really

There is always someone atleast 1 person affected by it no matter what

[gloomy axle]

Why would it be less of a waste if you shot a few others before you went?

[lavish copper]

its different if i caused it

[lavish copper]

no, im more about protecting ppl

[limber anchor]

Don’t even start on that

[lavish copper]

not shooting ppl

[gloomy axle]

Fair, so why not medic, pilot, someone who sees that effort reward others and bring them safety while you get to continue and live another day?

[lavish copper]

yeah i mean if i did i think it would be a waste

[gloomy axle]

A waste of a death would be to go into anything knowing you’re dying at all

[limber anchor]

Well if that then yeah it would be a waste of a life

From my personal experiences 🙁

[lavish copper]

yes i agree, but i dont know why i should live a long time, and if it will matter

[limber anchor]

You do matter that’s the thing

When you join the army you make life long friendships

[lavish copper]

to my parents yes, but after yk

[limber anchor]

And if your dead they would be severely effected

[lavish copper]

yeah im sure theyd be fine without me though

like

my ex best friend

he was

he didnt care if i was there or not

[limber anchor]

That’s not a good friend

[lavish copper]

well he kept me from committing

but he still didnt care if i was his friend or not

[limber anchor]

I had one like that too but he did himself 2 weeks ago ☹️

[lavish copper]

fuck man

[limber anchor]

But that’s not a topic I’m here to discuss

[lavish copper]

my condolences

[limber anchor]

Thanks dawg

[lavish copper]

i respect that man

look my parents

are the only ones who would be seriously affected

[limber anchor]

But here’s the thing, if you join the army it really will help

[lavish copper]

and its also that its a sin for my religion so i cant really do it myself

[limber anchor]

Get you friends get you people to be around

[limber anchor]

I feel like it’s just a sin in general

[lavish copper]

yes but the thing is, i cant be my full self with anyone i feel like, except my parents and her

anyone else

[gloomy axle]

I think you also need to think of yourself more, theres one more person that would be the most affected out of anyone and you have yet to list them. I think for some of these problems you need to figure out how to love and accept yourself, not to try and get others to do the same

[lavish copper]

i feel like im always putting up an act

[gloomy axle]

If you arent putting one on then you arent, its real feelings G

[limber anchor]

Im like that with my gf (i have attachment issues okay) but you gotta know how to be yourself without other people

[gloomy axle]

Just gotta learn what to do with them and how to let them effect you in a positive way

[gloomy axle]

Its so damn hard but hes right

[lavish copper]

well due to my

past

of being a social outcast

ehm

[limber anchor]

I’m always right 🙂

[lavish copper]

i have had to adap

[limber anchor]

Yeah same man

It sucks ass

It really fucking sucks getting bullied for my traumas and for being the weird kid lol

But you gotta ignore other people

[lavish copper]

thanks man

ill try as much as i can

[limber anchor]

Absolutely

[lavish copper]

yeah but if it turns out she was cheating

💀

[limber anchor]

Thats different 😭

Let’s not go down that road rn

[lavish copper]

yeah

😭

[limber anchor]

Also Dan

[lavish copper]

hmm?

[limber anchor]

I’m going to tell you this, your so much better off than me

I don’t even have any guardian or parental support

I got an emancipation about a year ago

Because my parents traded me for money xd

[lavish copper]

oh im sorry to hear bro

[limber anchor]

Eh I like living on my own without their bitch ass

[lavish copper]

yeah they must have really sucked

[limber anchor]

Let’s me be me haha

[limber anchor]

Fuck yeah man

[lavish copper]

glad youre free of that buddy

happy for you

genuinely

[limber anchor]

Thanks dawg

[lavish copper]

i wish she could leave her bitachass parents

[limber anchor]

They strict?

[lavish copper]

she would be living with me if they didnt hold her siblings as hostages

[lavish copper]

af they make her life suck

toxic

empty promises of funding her college

[limber anchor]

Holy hell

That’s not okay man

[lavish copper]

but then the cunt spends too much money and wastes all savings

so she has to work 10+ hours a day now

and cant leave them to work in canada

or something like that for better wage

even if she could do so no problem because of family there

[limber anchor]

Oh man

[lavish copper]

and they say

if she left

she would never be allowed to see her siblings

[limber anchor]

How old is this girl btw?

[lavish copper]

and they would hurt and neglect her siblings

19

[limber anchor]

That ain’t up to the parents

[lavish copper]

13 and 8

[limber anchor]

That’s a crime btw hope yk that

Just by saying that

[lavish copper]

yeah but who cares over there

law system is weak

and corrupt

[limber anchor]

Where at?

[lavish copper]

phillipines

[limber anchor]

Ohhhh

I thought this was like USA

[lavish copper]

plus money for lawyer?

plus what if its already too late for siblings

[limber anchor]

I have no clue on Philippines law

[lavish copper]

and they think she abandoned them

which her parents will 100% manipulate them to think

so yk

i tbh wish

maybe things would have been easier for her

if we never met

i made her life better

[limber anchor]

There’s a chance if that

[lavish copper]

but now having a taste of good

[limber anchor]

But yk this

[lavish copper]

in an environment of bad makes it worse

[lavish copper]

hmm?

[limber anchor]

If you join the army, you could let them know that they are basically being held hostage and to try and save them from their manipulation

[lavish copper]

oh well she wouldnt want that, her siblings would be traumatise

[limber anchor]

I don’t mean kill the parents just have the siblings stripped of their custody

[lavish copper]

yeah ikik

hmm well, i appreciate the help

[limber anchor]

Absolutely

[lavish copper]

yall it helps talking with yall

[limber anchor]

Good haha

[lavish copper]

@gloomy axle @limber anchor @patent saddle