#Novas thoughts

1 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

desert venture
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Novas Journal

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anyways today was pretty boring i’m broke asf but i was able to get some food for me and my friend so we could chill and watch some shows

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i’ve been wanting to read but after i started thinking about her i haven’t been able to at all i ended up dropping goodnight punpun because you have to be in the right state of mind to read something like that

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i’ve never journaled before so i hope this is a therapeutic experience for me

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anyways something i WAS able to read was Goodnight Eri and though it was short it was VERY good

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Fujimoto is a weird person but when it comes to writing and art for his manga the guy is a genius i so im looking into reading more stuff from him

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i gotta reread chainsaw man because my memory is fucked too

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if anyone ever does read this which i’m sure they won’t (sorry for the grammar in advance) i’m not really doing this for anyone but myself

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bleeeeeeh what elseeee

desert venture
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i’m not worried about it that much

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i had weird dreams last night and often don’t have dreams at all

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it was about her, it was so weird i had a dream where she texted me and i don’t really remember much more than that

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i’m worried it will be a recurring thing

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id rather not dream about them

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i think at this point or what i believe is

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that she wants me to feel like shit

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but idk that’s all ive gathered

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i thought i felt like shit enough honestly😭

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right now i’m thinking about old friends

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i’ve met throughout the year

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also i think there’s rats in my ceiling and it’s scary

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😭

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they keep making noise

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i think i need to set traps</3

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i js got done scrolling through some journals

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it’s kind beautiful that everyone had their own little lives

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and i’m js one of them

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right now i’m bored asf

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yeesh my grammar is shit😭

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my dad moved to florida and we talked earlier he said things are looking up but he’s always been the type of guy that made seems things better then they actually are yk

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I can’t imagine his life situation being THAT much different from his life in New York

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if things go well for him down there i may go live with him

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honestly idk where i’ll end up

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i’m pretty terrified of my future

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everyday has blended together

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i try to motivate myself but my own words atp mean nothing to me

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i’m sick of hearing myself

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part of me thinks i’m too dumb or too behind for a positive future

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sometimes i feel like it’s too late for me

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not even sometimes

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like all the time if i’m being honest

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it hurts to feel weak

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i hate being weak and i don’t understand why that isn’t motivation to become stronger

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maybe it’s a sign that i’m js completely useless and hopeless

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but when i think like that i look around and see a lot of people have gone way further with a lot less

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my mind is so weak it’s embarrassing

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these days i feel like a burden to everyone including myself

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these last few years have been a waste

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idk what i’m going to do

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the least i can do is be a good person

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or try to be

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being positive is harder than it looks

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i moved out of my moms place hoping it’d change

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but i js feel the same

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if it turned out i was an alien from space i don’t think id have a hard to time believing it right now lmaooo

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on the brighter side of things i got enough money to go see the jjk movieee:>

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i know it only covers a few episodes of the season that’s coming but

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UGH IDC IT LOOKS SO GOOD BRO

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I CANT FUCKING WAIT

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i ended up binge watching jjk with my friend Arda and he was SUPER into it and still is which i think is awesome

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so the three of us are going to see the movie and i can’t wait

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AAAANDD

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on the same day the five nights at freddy’s movie drops but idk if i’ll have enough money for both💔

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i can’t wait to see how they adapt the manga into the show/movie

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i’ve already been doing my best to avoid all the spoilers when they got leaked for the movie

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i also tried showing my friend Chainsawman but i don’t think he understands it or enjoys it that much

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we’ve been watching a ton of shows

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he made me watch one punch man

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the the first season was pretty damn good i’d give it a 8/10

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the second was a solid 7.4 for me

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and well the 3rd season has fucking sucked i give it a 4/10

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i don’t even think we will continue watching it

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my problem with one punch man is that it’s js a fucking NOTHING burger

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it’s entertaining at times action wise but i think saitama is the most boring character of all time and honestly

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3 seasons zero plot im
genuinely a fucking hater😭

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honestly was more entertaining watching mha

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i’m gonna watch more black clover so that’s enough yapping for now

desert venture
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I js realized how unorganized and completely messy this journal is gonna be

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but it’s fine

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i’m mostly just writing random thoughts and vents and stuff about my interests js anything that comes to mind really

desert venture
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i ended up watching mha it wasn’t horrible

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js the pacing was really bad

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black clover was good too i didn’t watch much tho

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ugh i feel like current mha is js a long track to getting to the newer seasons

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cuz right now everything feels so shallow plot wise

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and i could care less about a LOT of the supporting characters

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ugh i have no motivation to do anything right now

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i should be looking for a jov and instead i’m js being lazy and watching shows all day

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things recently have js been worse it’s like one thing after another

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it’s never ending

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and i’m to blame for a lot of it

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bleeeeh

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i need to fix my sleep schedule

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i might js stay up all night

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i might delete this whole journal

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OKAY yeah that’s enough for now

desert venture
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i miss her

desert venture
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this songs js describes exactly how im feeling

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“i couldn’t reach you when i was trying”

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“if only back then i knew”

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regret and reflection

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“come back again if you wanna do it again”
“honey you know i’d do it over”

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desire for a reconnection

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a partner who’s become “a monster given form”

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shows the complexity of love

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i hate music😭

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i’m such a dork

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“carful what you wish for”

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“it only takes a moment to fall in love again”

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staying up all night again and i’m gonna try and thug it out for the whole day too

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i got stuff to keep me awake like cleaning my room

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my body def hates me

desert venture
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that was interesting

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honestly i feel like it’s on purpose

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if it ain’t then that’s js some terrible luck

desert venture
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i’m ngl bro🫩

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idk how much i can handle of that shit before i force myself to get rid of it all

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force myself to move on

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i refuse to use another woman as a distraction

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i’m done with that shit

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so that’s not an option

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tired of this weak version of myself

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it’s frustrating

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if she and her ex wanna be happy together then so be it

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i guess only time can tell like everyone says

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i’ll always love her

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even if that happens

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i js can’t afford to feel this way anymore

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all i do is think about her

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all day

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every day

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its pathetic

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a part of me never wants to let go

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it’s tearing me in half

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i so badly js wanna give in and never let go forever reminisce on when she was my girl

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when everything was right in front of me

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and i somehow i couldn’t see it

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part of me sorta hopes she is with her ex

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so i can js hate her and move on already

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but ik that’d kill a piece of me too

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idk i js wanna dissolve sometimes

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or turn into dust

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and let the wind pick me up

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i hate this feeling

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look at me

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i should js let it go

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fuck my chud ass life

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i want mcdonald’s breakfast so baaaaad

desert venture
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i’m getting mcdonald’s breakfast

desert venture
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i’m cooked

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i’m falling asleep

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i’m so angry rn

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full of so much hate atm

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i’m too tired for this shit

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rn i js wanna disappear

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goodnight

desert venture
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woke up not too long ago

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feeling pretty shitty but

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i’m getting ready to see the jjk movie so i can’t wait

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i’ve decided im not gonna talk much or if not at all in the main chat cuz lowkey

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i don’t really wanna bump into her like last time

desert venture
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i love smashing pumpkins

desert venture
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the movie was good

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wish it lasted longer

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today was a lot less exciting then i thought

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i dont even wanna think about why that was so i’m not writing it down😭

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all in all

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it was okay

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i’m home now

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honestly i’m feeling a little down

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my health isn’t great and i can tell

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i feel like shit all the time

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and i think there’s a lot wrong with mei don’t know about

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i could probably be dying and i wouldn’t notice

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😭

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yeeesh

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i probably shouldn’t smoke

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idk what to do

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i feel like a lost cause sometimes

molten cloud
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unrelated but i love ur pfp

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w seki

desert venture
desert venture
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ngl man

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i’m giving up

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slowly

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js talked to Grace

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talk about nostalgia

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i haven’t spoken to her since all the distortions started

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i wish i could go back to those times

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nora kinda hated grace but

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we never had bad intentions with each other

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i miss playing pressure with her

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i took those times for granted

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i miss the people i met last year

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i wish my life didn’t have to involve losing all those friends

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i guess zai was my fault tho

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i miss her the most

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she was my best friend for a time

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and besides nora

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she’s the last person i wanted to hurt

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man right now i feel like blowing away

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i’m so angry with myself

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for all of it

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i took everything for granted then

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oh well

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i slept a while when i got home

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idk what i’m gonna do now

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talking to grace is nice tho lool

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it’s nice to take a break from my own life and see what she’s up to yk

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she’s always got SOMETHING going on😭 she’s a handful lool always has been

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she’s changed quite a bit since the last time we talked too

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she’s been quite the rule breaker recently

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smoking, skipping school, drinking and allat stuff💀💀

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ngl in highschool i wasn’t any better so

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i can’t be talking

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fuck man

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as shitty as last year was

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the times that i did enjoy were purely the best

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i’d do a lot of things for a 2025 do over😭😭

desert venture
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idk why i still call her grace that was js a dumb name she went by because she hated isy but she hasnt felt that way in years about her name so😭

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i guess i’m js used to it

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she’s such a sweet person though she’s asking if i wanted to hang out soon which i’m happy she asked

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like i said i miss the people from last year

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so that would be nice

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i also helped her with her ex wanting to get back with her

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funny situation it’s literally the same thing me and nora are going through

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but yeah i gave her some advice on that a little..not that i’m qualified

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but atp ik what it’s like to be someone who’s made mistakes so i guess i have some experience😭

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all in all i’m glad we are talking

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anything that helps me forget about Nora is probably the best

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i’m still convinced she’s intimate with her ex

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so that’s all been a pretty good reason to turn my anger and frustration towards doing something with myself

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anywyas

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Isy is being extremely nice as always

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i’m glad there’s someone out there from then who doesn’t hate me lool

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someone out there that knows how much of a good person i was and can still be

desert venture
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man

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i’m so close to js

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idk man

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i need to wake the fuck up and js realize she’s never coming back

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i checked my discord checkpoint

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and all i see is her

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i regret looking at it

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bleeeeeh

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i hate how fucking js negative my thoughts always are

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i been m i aaaaaaaa

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you been in my heeeeeead

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been thinking bout what you saaaiiid

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Jaydes soo good bro

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i don’t think i’m ready to move on

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but at the same time

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i know i need to

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i don’t wanna move on

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this is gonna take a while

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it’s been a while since i’ve last cried

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so that’s progress

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it was so pathetic

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i think then i went to bed crying every damn night

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shit was js horrible😭

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but i know better than to waste tears on that situation anymore so thats good

desert venture
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man i js wanna be happy

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sometimes i look around and see other people, especially my friends..just living their life, being responsible, going to school, taking on cool opportunities and stuff..and i feel like i haven’t moved an inch since 17 years old

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i’ll admit the hand i was dealt with in life didn’t come close to my friends

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that’s not an excuse tho

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i’ve def played a part in my own downfall but man it js sucks

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idk what my future is going to be like

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i feel like i’ve never had a moment in the last 3 years to heal and actually focus on whats important

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MYSELF

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and i feel like by the time i was actually able to make those decisions

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mentally i wasn’t capable of making good decision for myself

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i still feel like that yk

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now i feel like it’s too late yk?

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and a lot of people would respond to that by saying “well your only 20 years old” blah blah blah yk? i feel like there are some things people never heal from

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especially when your parents basically stopped raising you after 16-17 years old

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i think the last thing they did for me for my future was help me get my permit

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not even my license

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dude i’m 20 without a fucking license🫩

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idk what i’m gonna do man

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no one respects me because i look weak and stuff

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i’m not attractive either

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i’m 20 and i look 16😭

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i’m not healthy

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idk man

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all in all

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i’m a true loser😭

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i feel like i need a therapist or a psychiatrist or some shit to tell me what the hell is wrong with me

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i feel pretty insane sometimes

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i’m aware of a lot things in my life that need fixing but i don’t have the confidence to act on that knowledge at all

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it doesn’t help that my mindset is purely self destructive

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ain’t it funny how some people can be so aware of something wrong with them but don’t make any good decisions to act on those things what so ever

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that’s why i think im insane

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most often i feel like im digging a grave for myself except the dirt im shoveling js doesn’t have anywhere to go so

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i’m burying myself at the same time

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i hope i really wake up someday

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bleh

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ANYWAYS

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ive had a splitting headache since i’ve woken up

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i’ve had a few thoughts about deleting this journal as it’s mostly js me whining about my problems

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i wanted it to be soemthing like where i can js write my thoughts but

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the more i write and reread is the more i realize that my thoughts are ALL negative

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i mean not all but MOST

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or maybe i should js rename it

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Novas thoughts

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that works pfft😭

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i bet anyone who reads this shit is gonna think i’m some maniac💀

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fuck this headache man

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yesssh and the amount of times i wrote here too😭

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i gotta look like the loneliest mf

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i really got no one to talk to

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bleeeh

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i wanna read but i can’t

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i wanna go for a walk but i can’t

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so damn cold out

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resent this place so much i hate new york

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cold cold cold for 6-7 months

dense lion
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I hate the cold 💔

desert venture
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real dude earlier when i went out to watch a movie i was freezing my ass off😭

dense lion
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DAM

desert venture
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i need a winter jacket i haven’t had one in a while

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that’d probably help💔

surreal spire
desert venture
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i’m glad you think so!!

desert venture
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i love this song

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reminds me of good times growing up with my dad

desert venture
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bru i js had a panic attack cuz i couldn’t find my medicine😭

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i don’t like re zero

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or any isekai

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but damn the soundtrack for re zero is so good

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got me thinking about the beauty of life😭

IMG_8574.png
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same with the bleach soundtrack

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but i love bleach

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i gotta re watch it

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yk what

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part of me is glad i’m alone

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that comes with having no one to talk to tho lool

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even when i am talking to someone i often have trouble maintaining a conversation

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i think that’s why people really don’t like me or probably think i’m weird

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i have social repellent i swear😭

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in real life is a million times worse too

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i avoid eye contact i often fumble over my words and stuff

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and i don’t carry myself too well either lool

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blerp

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i wish i could pin stuff ugh BLEESEH

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i js saw a journal

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made entirely of cheese

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the friggin cheese journal

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god help us

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it’s time to clock out brotein shake

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shit ain’t happening😹

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what are the odds i look into chat

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and they are RIGHT THERE

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i genuinely got the worse luck

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i’m gonna throw on black clover and try to forget about it

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i lied i talked in general about my jjk obsession

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lowkey hoping she’d appear again

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man i’m so contradicting towards myself😹

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i hate how everything

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literally everything

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makes me think of her

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when will that end

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idk

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though each day i feel a small resentment towards her kinda building up

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obviously i’ll always love her

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i’m just angry she doesn’t care

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part of me feels like “how could you not care” but yk

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i don’t blame her

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still it doesn’t stop me from being frustrated

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it doesn’t help that she talks about me in server sometimes yk

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talking about the nickname i used to call her

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i mean how could you even say that and push me away like you’ve been

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ugh

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watching her say that stung

desert venture
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i js met some cool ass people

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i js got lost in trying to find a song

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anyways they were chill 2 of them play r6 so that’s cool

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one of them is new tho she fucking sucks but both were mad funny😭

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the dude kept doing accents the whole call it was making me laugh

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but ye i was watching them 1v1

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also i’ve decided im js ignoring general chat for now

desert venture
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my profile dec is peak

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i’m lucky lucky lucky i got friggin cat

surreal spire
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i love them alot

desert venture
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my phone is overheating and it’s slow and laggy

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i feel like it’s gonna explode any moment now💔

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i’m def feeling urge to sleep now

surreal spire
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PEAK

surreal spire
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more energy more dopamine

desert venture
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i would but, if i do ill end up sleeping until 7pm so i was gonna try and stay up all day lol

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to fix my schedule

surreal spire
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take care

desert venture
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you aswell!!

desert venture
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dude

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it’s 1pm and i feel like collapsing lmaoo

surreal spire
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YOU HAVE TO SLEEP

desert venture
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we still hanging in there😭

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my eyes hurt a lot tho

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i met this dude

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and he’s funny asf

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we are in call rn watching these videos he’s has and i’m dying

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i feel sad

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i was happy a moment ago but now i feel like a wave of sadness has passed over me

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idk what to do

surreal spire
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if that guy don’t mind

desert venture
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i’m thinking about it

desert venture
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i think i might be finally tapping out

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i’m sad

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goodnight

surreal spire
surreal spire
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i beg you to not torture yourself like that next time

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i know you wanna fix your schedule

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but that’s not worth it

desert venture
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OH SORRY

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i js woke up loool

desert venture
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been bored pretty much

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man temptation is the devil

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i haven’t eaten anything all day

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i hate when people leave you in delivered

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like i get people have lives and shit

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but damn is it annoying

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especially if what im telling them is time sensitive

desert venture
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watching mha now, it’s been pretty damn good

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the overhaul arc was enjoyable

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this show would be a 7 or 8/10 if the pacing wasn’t bad

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also i’m watching it in dub

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and i hate dub

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my friend is too lazy to read lool

desert venture
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feeling alone

desert venture
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been up and around

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my thoughts have been quite empty actually

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well that’s a lie

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obviously am still thinking of her

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but today those feelings have been pretty condensed so

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js kinda swallowing the feelings

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but i probably made a bad mistake by redownloading web fishing

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everything on there is about her so i quickly closed the game after glancing at everything

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my fishing rod was named after her😭

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i had stuff in my mailbox with messages from her

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if i’m being honest

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i don’t think i’ll ever move on

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i’ll probably write less and less about her and my feelings towards that whole thing so it doesn’t become the center of my journal

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it js hard when it’s basically become the center of my life

desert venture
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UFC is tomorrow so that’s cool

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still feeling down so ima sleep

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goodnight

desert venture
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woke up feeling okay

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going to a friends to watch ufc soon

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i was unsure if i even wanted to go

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there’s gonna be people there i don’t know

desert venture
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anthony’s girlfriend has her friends over they are annoying

desert venture
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i love my friends

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they are probably the only people keeping me going

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i moved about 30-40 min away so i don’t see them often but

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man

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i miss them so much

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they are my brothers

desert venture
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AAAAAH

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AAAAAH

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AAAAH

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AAAAAAH

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this might be the worst but also best thing ever

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oh well i’m not gonna give my hopes up over anything at all

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but it is nice

surreal spire
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Have a good day mate

desert venture
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im un able to get any rest

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my friends were supposed to wake up for the f1 race but

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they all went back to sleep when i tried to wake them up

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bleeeh

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pretty much how i’m feelin atm

surreal spire
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tbh

desert venture
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yeaaah it’s whatevs

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i’m not even the one who wanted to watch it in the first place

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but i totally would’ve gotten more rest if i had know they weren’t going to watch it

surreal spire
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thats kinda sucks

desert venture
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finally home

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tired

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feeling like shit lol

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a little down actually

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idk what it is but

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it’s not that big of a deal i’m alright js like my mood is bleh

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i got a lot on my mind and it’s all js

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like if you were to take a pencil to a paper and scribble to your hearts content

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that’s what the inside of my head looks like rn😭

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ive probably read that message she sent about a 100 times

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so many times i read what she said

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the more i read it is the more im afraid this is worse than good

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i’m more than likely going to get hurt and disappointed by this

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and i guess that’s the bed i laid for myself

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i told her not to unblock me until she really was ready

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but i think she’s failed to do that

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she’s like contradicting herself

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that’s what it feels like

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and idk if i’ll sound like an asshole when is say this but

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if she has to choose between me and J at all

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i don’t even wanna be chosen

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that part kinda fucking pissed me off

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i get what she meant tho

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i completely understand what she meant by my reputation with this J

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and how awkward and weird things would be if they knew about us talking again

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and i was afraid that she was was afraid of that

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i pretty much made that prediction a while ago

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if she has to think about what he thinks about US? then honestly i’m not even gonna bother

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shes old enough to make her own decisions

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i hope one day she can find me in her heart again

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but i’m not gonna let this unblocking thing convince me she has

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i’m happy i get to talk to her again of course

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that’s all i ever want but

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from her message

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lol

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it js spells bad

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there’s nothing i can do except be here for her like i’ve been wanting to

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but i’m not gonna let it be a weight on my shoulders like before

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but oh well

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i guess time will tell

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i’m done saying sorry

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i’m done swearing on what i want and what i’ll do

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i’ll just be there the best i can for her

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and if it happens to lead off a cliff i guess ill figure that out when i get there

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but yeah until then i’m js gonna ride the waves

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but anyways

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i’m js thinking about what’s gonna happen when all else fails

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not js with her but with everything

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like life in general

#

i’m thinking about the navy more seriously now

#

i looked at a lot of careers and i mean i’m not getting jobs here and atp ive been so depressed due to this situation i haven’t even been looking for any the last 3 weeks

#

i get paid under the table sometimes but it’s nothing

#

i have no one here that i wouldn’t mind leaving and breaking contact with for a few years

#

so i’m not gonna try and study to stay in school for them

#

so if the whole thing doesn’t work out

#

i’ll js sign my life away for 4 years and throw myself into the deep end

#

cuz i’m like running out of options😭✌️

#

and plus after her if things don’t go so well i think im done with intimacy in general

#

so that’s another thing i won’t be too worried about joining the navy

#

i won’t have anyone waiting for me

#

so i think that’s a solid plan if things continue to go south the the next 3 months

#

holy yap

#

anyways enough of that

#

aside from this morning my time late night was pretty awsome

#

it was a jolly night

#

so yeah

#

now i’m home

#

i’m in my feels

#

and now

#

it’s time for some sleep so

#

goodnight

desert venture
#

it’s 7

#

haven’t been up to much

#

feeling eh

#

i wish i could trust my gut more

#

i might sleep longer honestly

#

not feeling okay

desert venture
#

cleaned my room a bit

#

so that was nice

#

i haven’t eaten anything all day

surreal spire
#

also hej

surreal spire
#

I see how atmospheric it isearnestheart

surreal spire
#

it’s too hard to find a job nowadays

#

anywayss i believe in you and you can do it yes ye ye

desert venture
#

THANK YOUU

desert venture
#

i changed my pfp cuz uh

#

nagumo is a fraud

#

ahem i mean GOAT

#

he’s the goat

surreal spire
desert venture
#

me tooo i like his happy attitude despite being a hitman lool

#

anyways

#

js got done watching black clover for a bit and im really loving it

#

i’ve watched 10 eps

#

and ngl i liked it more than mha already😭

#

Asta funny and loud

#

Yuno his brother is so cool but he’s like a sasuke type character

#

i like Noelle she seems really cool i love her character design

#

and she doesn’t seem like one of those cliche female characters who i hate

#

oh i also love her magic too

#

water magic is awesome

desert venture
#

trying to stay positive rn

#

IM DOIMG FINE NOOOW

#

NO I DO NOT NEEDD NOBODY NOOWW

#

uzi so peak i swear

#

luv is rage 2 was peak middle school

desert venture
#

i’m actually so bored

#

i’ve been talking a lot in this server today

desert venture
#

it hurts

#

that she would say that

#

without giving me a response

#

but

#

idk

#

why would you say that to

#

me

#

anyways

#

i’m the friggin goat so either way it doesn’t matter aaaaaaah

#

that was almost as bad as the cliffhanger of season 1 chainsaw man

#

js nothing burgerness😭

#

i wonder how long i’ll stay up today😭

#

i’ve been doing pretty good staying up

#

i mostly bothered people in the server while listening to music so that was fun

#

and uuh

#

yeah lol pretty much😭

#

that’s it

#

and yeah lots of tiktok

#

and i cleaned my room

#

i want a coffee

#

i’m whipping up the best breakfast of all time rn

#

while listening to fakemink

desert venture
#

i’m so fucking angry rn

#

idk who she’s talking about

#

the only new person i followed was the emma person and the only people i talk up are in ttc

#

i blocked emma and her boyfriend

#

she said she’s 90% sure

#

anyways it’s fucking annoying on both ends

#

i’m not talking to anyone romantically

#

and who is she to ask or assume anyway??

#

she doesn’t even want me close

#

that’s not fair

#

but she can be all buddy buddy with her ex

#

it’s so frustrating

#

we are calling rn and she’s sleeping on call and stuff and talking like it’s no big deal

#

UGH

#

IT PISSES ME OFF

#

i love her but i feel like im being jerked around rn

surreal spire
#

the worst part that it’s her EX

#

dude

desert venture
#

i js feel disrespected like

#

regardless of what’s happening

#

or what i did

#

idk man

#

i’d rather not vent about this in vent either cuz

#

she will see it

#

ugh

surreal spire
#

oh

#

things must be private👀

desert venture
#

yes i don’t want her seeing this journal

surreal spire
#

anyways if you wanna vent abt it my dms open

desert venture
#

thanks dude

#

part of me is wondering if i should leave this call

#

by letting her sleep on call i feel like im surrendering my feelings in a way

#

not saying she’s trying to control me but idk

#

i should js shut my mouth and be happy

#

because i am

#

regardless of what’s going on

#

my goober is sleeping in call with me like old times

#

so even if i wake up from this dream

#

it still happned

#

that makes me happy

desert venture
#

my friends are cheering me up too

desert venture
#

oml

#

i ran out of boost

#

i’m ngl

#

th more i think about it

#

i js blocked emma and jason for no reason😭

#

i don’t talk to em but still

#

i wonder if they will even notice ngl

surreal spire
#

like

#

if they don’t even give a damn will hurt more than if they noticed

#

sorry my grammar sucks as usual✌️

#

a bit tired to type gently

desert venture
#

no worries thanks!

#

i’m tired myself

#

i may take a nap

#

i wish i stayed on call with her

surreal spire
desert venture
#

i’m up and about

#

my roommate was supposed to wake me up but he fell asleep too

desert venture
#

SHE SAID SHE CANT TAKE IT

#

BABY LETS JS FACE IT

#

THIS LOVE WE GOT AINT CHANGING

#

BABY AINT NO REPLACEMENT

desert venture
#

Jamie Paige is actual goat

IMG_8629.png
desert venture
#

man

#

today has been okay

#

idk what i’m gonna do tho

#

sleep wise

#

this seems impossible

#

if i’m going to be honest

#

i don’t think i’m going to be alive within the next 3-5 years

#

i’m in very poor health

#

my parents haven’t really cared about it since i was 15-16

#

i’ll probably die of a heart attack or a stomach related illness

#

last time i went to the doctor i was told im like on the edge of being anemic😭

#

where i live i don’t get fed often

#

and when i do it’s never anything healthy

#

no vegetables or fruit

#

if i die i hope it’s painless

#

or quick

#

though the worst part about dying is not having to face the pain or the suffering of it

#

if i died now my life would’ve been pointless

#

i think that’s a harder pill to swallow

#

if i died now i don’t think many would even remember me

#

maybe my parents and half siblings

#

but idk im mostly a forgettable character

#

i always thought that if i died broke, unaccomplished, and lonely that as long as i was a good person i could die in peace

#

but i guess i haven’t done a good job at that either

#

sometimes i think that’s the reason i’ve ever suffered in the first place

#

yk maybe i deserve it

#

trying to find meaning in it is impossible and frustrating

#

i’m tired

#

probably gonna fall asleep again

surreal spire
#

that's really scary

surreal spire
#

you dont have to worry abt it

#

life is beautiful and you can do it

#

you just have to take a rest from all that shit

surreal spire
#

you deserve to sleep in peace

desert venture
#

UGH I HAYE HER

#

I HATE HER SO MUCH CH IVANR

#

i can’t believe she’d did this to me again

#

i’m fucking crying

#

i hate this

#

i hate this so much

#

i got myself hurt again

#

i’ll never trust her again

#

ever

#

she has no right to be angry

#

no proof

#

no nothing

#

pure accusations

#

i wanna die

#

i wish i was dead

#

i wish

#

GOD WHAT THE FUCK WAS I THINKING

#

UGH I JS WANNA BREAK SOEMTHING

#

II CANT BELIEVE I LET HER DO THSI AGAAIN

#

IT TOOK ALL OF ME

#

AAAAALLL OF ME

#

EVERYTHING IT TOOK MY ALLLL

#

AND NOW ITS JS THROWN AWAY

#

I HATE HER

#

I HATE HATE HATE HER

#

i’m done

#

i’ll never love someone again

#

i don’t ever want to

#

NEVER

#

NEVER

#

FUCK

#

FUUCKK

#

god

#

that took every ounce of me

#

it took everything drop of me

#

of my soul

#

WASTED OVER SOME FRIEND

#

i wish i was dead

dull summit
#

i didnt expect you to call around with 13 year olds

#

as a 20 year old guy

desert venture
#

i called a group of people in a vc

#

in a server

#

why don’t you get that

#

why are you doing this

#

why don’t you see what i’m trying to do for you

#

she followed my tiktok through my account

#

and i accepted them and followed them back

#

i never once talked to them

#

NEVER

#

FUCKING NEVER

#

but go ahead

#

jump to conclusions

#

i was the best your ever gonna have

#

what i wanted to give you

#

was genuine

#

there you go

IMG_8634.png IMG_8633.png
#

you misleading asshole

#

calling me a pedo

#

fuck is wrong with you

#

i love you

#

and no one else will like i do

#

NO ONE

#

an thanks for ruining my journal too

dull summit
#

yw if ure talking shit about me again

desert venture
#

why don’t you understand

#

why tell me why

#

you literally see proof

#

please

#

that was it

#

my last effort

#

ruined over some follower

#

how comical

#

i said i’d never waste tears on this again

#

and this is where i am

#

again

desert venture
#

all i do is talk about how much i love you

#

and how much i want you and how much i wanna be better for you

#

THATS ALL I TALK ABOUT

#

EVERY FUCKINH DAY

#

I HATE YOU

#

YOU DONT CARE ABOUT MY EFFORTS

#

YOU TAKE ME FOR GRANTED THIS TIME

#

NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND

#

you liar

#

and don’t worry

#

cuz i fucking give up this time

#

i tried my hardest

#

that was my all

#

this is gonna get my journal taken down i cant believe you’d even type here

#

i didn’t even know you knew about this

#

if you don’t wanna get close to me

#

i’ll follow whoever the fuck i want to

#

just wow

#

if this journal gets taken down then it’s fine i’ll js make a new

#

one

#

this wasn’t supposed to happen in here

#

sorrry to anyone and EVERYONE if you end up seeing that

#

i’m so very sorry

surreal spire
#

It’s okay

#

it’s not even your fault at all

desert venture
#

thank you

desert venture
#

all i can do is js keep moving forward regardless of this so

#

i guess that’s all

#

what a shit show

#

i wish i could purge messages

#

in my journal

#

hey at least the coffees working😭😭

#

well considering she literally sees this and all that happened

#

those were probably my last entries about that person in order to avoid it happening again

#

man i wish i could turn back time

#

i’d give anything in the damn world for things to js be different

#

anything

#

snap my fingers and make it so 2025 never happened

#

tho i guess thats a little arrogant of me to say

#

i had a lot of good times

#

and even though most of em are gone

#

i met a lot of cool friends along the way

#

my fav title fight song

#

my friend drew this

IMG_8568.png
#

i’m so jealous of people who can draw and make art

desert venture
#

anyways

#

my chest hurts

#

sounds pretty cliche or idk rash idk how to say it but

#

honestly wouldn’t mind dropping dead rn

#

i should’ve js went to sleep n

#

oh well

#

i’m such an idiot

#

idk why i keep sticking my hand back into the fire

#

i wish i could sleep forever and never wake up

#

i think the levee is about to break

#

like the led zeppelin song lool

#

but yeah man

#

i honestly think that’s that

#

i give up

desert venture
#

i slept

#

it was okay

#

obviously didn’t stay up as long as i had wanted to but

#

what are ya gonna do yk

#

today has been the worst

livid cypress
#

oh my days

#

hope your okay SIR 🙂

desert venture
livid cypress
#

ohhH mb

#

bro

desert venture
#

played aba with friends

#

lowkey thought that would change my mood but i’m still feeling bleeeeh

livid cypress
#

ABA peak

#

🥹

#

I swear if I had a computer I would play it everyday

#

My favorite creator of 8 months plays ABA as his favorite game

#

😪

#

Even my best friend had a ABA phase for 5 months

#

Lol

desert venture
#

YES BROOO ABA

#

YOUR MY GOOOAAT

desert venture
#

look at my friggin goat

IMG_5352.png
#

i really need to read more

#

bleeeeeeeh

#

idk what the rest of tonight’s gonna look like

#

feeling pretty alone thoo

#

bleeeeh bleeeh bleeh

#

i do not say bleeeh bleeh bleeeh

surreal spire
surreal spire
#

✍️

desert venture
#

twaaaan

desert venture
#

twaaaan im bored as shit

desert venture
#

mfs can’t join a vc anymore ig

#

UGH

#

i keep forgetting

surreal spire
desert venture
#

LMAO

#

😭

#

thanks goat

#

anyways what another waste of my time

#

got blocked cuz i was listening to people talk about UG music while playing jjs

#

like give me a fucking break😭

#

wait wait lemme explain this shit in simple words😭

#

imagine pushing someone away refusing to let them get close but you get mad or jealous over small shit like them joining a vc

#

i can’t believe i’ve spent the better part of this month trying to fix things

#

and this is what i fucking get in return💀

#

call me if you don’t want me voice chatting with anyone else then

#

oh but they can’t do that or im getting too close😭

#

what an actual joke

#

my lifes a joke genuinely

#

sucks that i even still care

#

my love has been made a joke

#

fml bro

#

im done

#

i hate her for doing this to me

#

i love her so much but this is pointless

#

too busy worried about what her boyfriend thinks about us talking again

#

so why should i even fucking care

#

i get ignored for that asshoke

#

im fucking done

#

i’ll talk to whoever i want as long as he’s around

#

if i ever stop writing in this journal im either banned or dead

#

this is hell

#

misleadinh asshole

dull summit
#

oh im so sad i cant vc with 13 year olds

desert venture
#

?????

#

do you ever know what ur talking about?

#

or do you js make shit up

#

i was vcing with only dudes💀

#

OH NOO IM SO SAD THE ONLY PERSON I LOVE PLAYS WITH MY FEELINGS DECIDES THEY WANT TO CONTROL WHAT I DO DESPITE TELLING ME THEY WANT BARLEY ANYTHING TO DO WITH ME

#

piss off

dull summit
#

oh no the person who cheated on me multiple times still loves me apparently

desert venture
#

but i worked on myself and i still am

#

i made a promise to myself wether you like it or not n

#

SO dont waste my time if ur gonna hold it above my head

#

if you can’t ever forgive me

#

js leave me alone

#

i fucking love youn

#

spare my feelings for the love of god

#

it’s the VERY least you could do for me

#

blocking me js to talk to me in my journal

#

grow the fuck up nora

#

if you wanna talk unblock me

#

other than that LEAVE THIS ALONE

desert venture
#

god this whole journal is ruined

desert venture
#

im tired

#

disappointed

#

upset

surreal spire
#

hey man

#

yeah same

#

i'm tired of my friends

#

srry

#

frienD

#

not s

desert venture
#

fair sorry your feeling the same

#

honestly i wish i could js disappear rn

surreal spire
#

actually it's okay

#

but im little disturbed

desert venture
#

yeah tell me about it

surreal spire
desert venture
surreal spire
#

oh oh

#

i understood

desert venture
#

yeah man idk i don’t wanna get into a big long winded thing about it