#is my boyfriend a manipulator or just hurt?

1 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

limpid lichen
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We got back together and were fine. But suddenly a week later, he breaks up with me again, because he doesnt deserve me??? turns out the real reason was because i told him i "hate men" due to my past encounters to men. he got offended since he was a man too, and kept insulting me. and as usual i stayed silent since i didnt want to fight him. and since i was too scared. He basically called me cheap because i showed a friend i thought i could trust my face, to which he got mad at me and said that i would give myself out to anyone who asked (basically calling me cheap) and that i view things sacred. and i was honestly so scared to say anything so i just apologized. i didnt want him to breakup with me but he did it eventually. i left him, waited for him to calm down and then talked to him again. we got back togehter again.

And just when i thought we were doing fine, he breaks up with me again, a week later. This was our fourth breakup and it was because of the flirting incident. He was still hurt because of it, and tried fighting to me about it. i just wouldnt give in and fight him, i didnt want to justify or excuse my actions since it was wrong. but he kept insulting me, calling me insults and comparing me to animals... and i left him alone. But this time, it was him who reached out and wanted us to get back together, to which i agreed but at this point i was lost.

And our fifth and final breakup happened, and it wasnt my fault at all. Someone else pissed him off and i happened to be on call with him. he lashed out on me, calling me names and insults and i just left. i couldnt handle it, i felt so guilty to the point i reached out to someone to vent. And i dont like doing that unless im in distress.
After he calmed down, he contacted me again, saying he wants us to be together.

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I didnt give in this time, i was adviced to not respond, but honestly i wanted to tell him how much he hurt me. I waited a day until i respoonded, and during that time i was pretty much convinced he was just using me, so i was kinda relieved and felt free, for the first time in months i didnt feel anxious or scared.

But when i talked to him, everything shifted. I thought he was doing this on purpose; he did everything just to make a fool out of me. He was sorry, and wanted to make things right.. i expected him to lash out on me and accuse me of being a horrible person, but he wasnt like that at all?? it makes me think that maybe he was just hurt and the reason he was acting like that was because he was hurt...

He wants one final chance for us, and i left him on seen. i dont know if i should respond or not.

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He did some fucked up shit to me, which obviously affected my opinion on him and the way i viewed him.

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This started from the beginning, back when i just started to know him. We have an obvious age gap, im 18 and he's 25 and i wanted to tell him my concern about this. But when i opened up to him, he got pissed off and started being rude to me, which lead to him asking me if "he could just die" and after that he went radio silent. I didnt know anything about him back then, so i was scared and worried, i thought that i was the reason he did something to himself. And i was busy that day so i was worried sick for him and couldnt tell anyone, i waited 12 hours until i could see if he responded to my texts and calls and apparently he was asleep and was drunk and couldn't remember what happened... I thought this topic was triggering for him so i never brought it up. this entire incident made me not want to open up to him at all. I told him about this incident and how much i dont like threats about death. But he recently did it again. We were having a conversation where he mentioned theres always an option, to which i said there was no option, to which he got pissed off and said i dont tell him what to do and that "all it takes is one slice".

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Another thing that honestly scared me alot is when he mentioned that he could find out everything about me; my online posts, face, location, relatives, everything... so i asked him if he would do it but he responded with "If i would do it then why would i tell you about it?" and i could feel him getting pissed off with me questioning him so i lied and said i trusted him and tried changing the subject. Honestly, i dont know if im being dramatic, but i think he was threatening me, saying that he'll always find me... i think im being dramatic.

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He also likes helping people, and always needed reassurance from me, always asking me why i loved him, and i told him multiple times i dont like repeating myself nor opening up and talking about my feelings, but he would beg me and i would give and open up to him, he'd use his words to convince me into telling him things i dont want anyone to know. Whenever i would refuse, he'd just get... pissed of? so i'd force myself to basically open up to him. i've told him many things i didnt want him to know.

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im pretty sure theres more incidents, but this entire time i've been ignroing them or sweeping them under the rug because i thought it was worth it, and out of guilt for betraying him.

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and now that i reread our chats, im starting to think that maybe all of this is just in my head...

limpid fern
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I think its better to cut it off because it seems like the relationship is to damaged from the mistakes in life from both sides. 5 break ups is a lot and I get sometimes a break from each other is needed but these aren’t breaks these are 2 people that can’t let go of the mistakes from each other for good reason because they don’t trust each other anymore. It’s sometimes better off to just say hey this isn’t gonna work out anymore we have been through 5 breaks up we won’t be able to trust each other the same as we did at the start.

limpid lichen
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but others told me that he's manipulating me, which got me questioning things.. im pretty dense when it comes to peoples emotions and intentions so i asume the best from people. so seeing him as a manipulator is making me question everything

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including myself

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that small period of time where i believed we were finally over, is when i felt my happiest. i was on my own so i could reflect on everything and i felt happy and free?? but now with all of this new information im starting to question everything.

limpid fern
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In your heart you’ve made up your mind in your brain your looking for excuses because you don’t wanna be more hurt than you already are but your heart knows it’s the end

limpid lichen
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so i kept giving him chances and making up excuses for him over and over again...

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i just want to believe hes a horrible person so i can live with the fact i escaped and survived him and not me losing someone sweet and dear to my heart

limpid fern
limpid lichen
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He acknowledges that fact there’s a clear power difference between us… I’m afraid he’ll use that knowledge to hurt me

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what if he’s actually sorry, and I’m just being dramatic?

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Do you think he’s a bad guy?

limpid fern
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He’s manipulating you if he actually cared why did he leave for a year

limpid lichen
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He didn’t leave for a year?

limpid fern
limpid lichen
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It’s alright

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I did type out a lot

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It’s alright

limpid fern
acoustic agate
acoustic agate
limpid lichen
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he said he didn’t mean to make me feel that way

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it was never his intention

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he was just opening up to me and getting comfortable

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Makes me feel shitty for making this a huge deal

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Im whining about him trusting me

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and feeling comfortable around me

limpid lichen
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Happy I managed to “escape” him

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But now that I saw his perspective, maybe I’m just being dramatic

acoustic agate
acoustic agate
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In no world is breaking up five times okay, that's very unstable and obviously not working out

acoustic agate
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Sure, he feels comfortable but it seems he's unable to convey his emotions in a way that's healthy for both of you

acoustic agate
limpid lichen
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You’re right… actions do matter more than words

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he did tell me after every breakup that he’ll change and become better

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And he only got worse with me

acoustic agate
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I will very strongly recommend you to not continue with the relationship

limpid lichen
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I know that the only correct answer

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but it hurts

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But I’ll be hurt either way

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I just don’t want to stop talking to him

acoustic agate
acoustic agate
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Take your time, slowly detach and let him go

limpid lichen
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The longer I talk to him the more I want to be with him

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I’ll just remove myself completely

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it’s just hard

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we understood each other to some extent

acoustic agate
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Talk to more people

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Vent as much as you want to

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It's gonna hurt but in a month or two from now, you'll be in a way better state

limpid lichen
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the fact I can’t even drown myself in work so I need to actually face this makes it worse

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😔

acoustic agate
acoustic agate
ebon sonnet
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He's 25 and your 18 that's clear sign he's definitely gonna abuse later after marrying

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I suggest do not engage

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It's best for you

limpid lichen
# ebon sonnet I suggest do not engage

I’m honestly just trying to figure how my feelings now… I know I should leave him and I will. I’m just scared of feeling hurt by leaving him. I love him and I’m attached to him.

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I don’t believe he’d actually hit me or anything. He’s not like that

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He has other ways to take his anger out. I’m honestly just worried of feeling hurt if I leave him

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We’ll have zero contact at all so I can’t even see how he’s doing

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I love talking to him

limpid fern
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Ya so I’ll say this. Leaving him will hurt no matter what but staying with him is gonna hurt more. If you have zero contact it’s pretty much over already

limpid lichen
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he wants us to stay together while I already made up my mind. I’m just trying to savour our last moments together so I can leave with no regrets…

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but I cant continue this with him

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whenever he gets mad at me I physically get sick

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I can’t do this

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I feel like everything’s my fault

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I got dramatic and tried making everything about myself

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All because he felt comfortable enough with me to share his feelings

limpid fern
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Like I said earlier both sides messed up that’s obvious and both sides need to learn for future relationships on how to have a healthy relationship because this obviously wasn’t it so both need to reflect on this and be like hey I messed up here I’m gonna fix that for a future relationship with a different person and be better

acoustic agate
limpid lichen
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if someone said to you that they think you’d show yourself to anyone who asked. How would you interpret it???

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I saw it as him calling me cheap

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and he’s trying to say that he never called me cheap???

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all because I showed a friend of mine my face

acoustic agate
acoustic agate
limpid lichen
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I never even implied that he’s a “pig”

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And he knows what I’ve been through and my encounters with me have been like

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am I going crazy????

acoustic agate
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To be fair you shouldn't have said that, but on the flip side he shouldn't have taken it so personally either

acoustic agate
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Natural to feel confused

limpid lichen
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My wording was incorrect. I didn’t mean to generalise everyone and call them pigs. I just meant the horrible ones.. which is where i fixed my wording

acoustic agate
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I understand but these things are a bit insignificant from the greater picture

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See, you can either do it now or keep waiting for it to happen cuz a breakup is inevitable, you're not happy and this time is very much being wasted

limpid lichen
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I thought I was in the wrong for everything. And that everything he said was said in the heat of the moment and he didn’t actually mean any of it

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But now

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he’s doing it again

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And I’ve never been certain that I want to leave him

acoustic agate
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Trust me you never want someone who is lashing out one moment and being affectionate the other

limpid lichen
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His argument is the fact that I apparently “viewed him like the others” which caused him to act this way around me and question my love

acoustic agate
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One can't go throwing around words like it's nothing, they can be very hurtful

acoustic agate
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I understand relationships are complicated and you don't always feel the most loved but breaking up five times is more than nuts

limpid lichen
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Two of them happened in one day

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so that’s even worse

acoustic agate
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That's not him being vulnerable, that's called being unstable

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There's a fine line between those

acoustic agate
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I don't want to repeat it

limpid lichen
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I just don’t get it. Why would he lie to me???? Why would he say he understood when he truly didn’t

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I was hesitant before

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But now

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I’m certain that he never understood me

acoustic agate
limpid lichen
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he was so worried about me venting to others

acoustic agate
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Insecurity

limpid lichen
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Without the people hearing his side of the story

acoustic agate
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Not worried

limpid lichen
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apparently he called me venting to others “people hyping me up”

acoustic agate
limpid lichen
acoustic agate
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He's confusing you

limpid lichen
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He thought that I viewed him as the rest, a pig and that I couldn’t trust him????

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that’s even worse???

acoustic agate
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He has some serious level insecurities from what i can see

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I can say that with certainty cuz I've been there

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And i can catch the behaviours

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He might not do shit intentionally but his insecurity is driving his behaviour towards manipulative

limpid lichen
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yeah

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His insecurity is the reason we’re fighting

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the reason he said all of those horrible things to me

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I want to say that he’s just like the rest. But that’s not safe for me

acoustic agate
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Being very loud with emotions and over exaggerating issues like the pig incident and showing your face is textbook insecure behaviour

acoustic agate
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That's not safe for you

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And he can't possibly treat you well with the insecurities always creeping up

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Don't be empathetic for him

limpid lichen
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I cant even if I tried to

acoustic agate
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It's better for both of you to take time being alone

limpid lichen
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he’s now calling himself a filthy pig and I just want to fuel it

acoustic agate
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Rather than with each other

limpid lichen
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but honestly I don’t know what kind of shit he can do to me

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He did say he can find everything about me

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I’m not risking that

acoustic agate
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Where does he live

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And where are you currently

acoustic agate
limpid lichen
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we live pretty far away

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He doesn’t know where exactly I live at

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I’ve been giving him the wrong hints

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About where I live

acoustic agate
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That's good

limpid lichen
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Time zones and all to steer him away

limpid lichen
acoustic agate
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I'd recommend nuking your texts in case you mistakenly left a hint

limpid lichen
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And that he thought it was a fun topic to discuss

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but it didn’t come across that way

limpid lichen
acoustic agate
acoustic agate
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In case you need to

limpid lichen
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really?

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can you send?

acoustic agate
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Yes

limpid lichen
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it?

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Thank you

acoustic agate
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Alright

limpid lichen
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I’ll use it

acoustic agate
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You'll obviously have to open your discord account on the website and be on a pc

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To use it

limpid lichen
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It can’t work on a computer?

acoustic agate
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Computer, it's the same thing

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I mean windows

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can i dm you the link

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it's not allowing me to share it here

limpid lichen
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You can

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thank you

acoustic agate
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Yw

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also, he will try to keep you from breaking up but do not hesitate

acoustic agate
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@limpid lichen everything alright?

limpid lichen
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saying my last words to him before ignoring him

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i dont want to say goodbye to him.

acoustic agate
limpid lichen
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i just want my last message to be haunting.

acoustic agate
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hahaha

limpid lichen
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thats my form of revenge i guess?

acoustic agate
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Suree

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do tell me what it is though

limpid lichen
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will do

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once i find the perfect response from him

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it would atleast make me feel complete?

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i just want to show him a glimpse of how much he hurt me.

acoustic agate
acoustic agate
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let him know what he did wrong

limpid lichen
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i never thought i could hate someone.

acoustic agate
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He did you wrong, it's reasonable

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I'm happy that you understood the gravity of it and took the right decision

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Allow yourself to relax and calm down

limpid lichen
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i guess we viewed things differently.

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this sucks because i really thought he was the one 😔

acoustic agate
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But you could never live happily with a person like him

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You saved yourself a lot of time and energy

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It's gonna be alright

limpid lichen
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this entire situation made me realize im not gonna date anyone

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for a few years atleast

limpid lichen
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i think ill get myself a cake

acoustic agate
acoustic agate
limpid lichen
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thank you so much🤍

acoustic agate
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You're welcome

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What'd you say to him in the end though

limpid lichen
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i just implied that i hate him

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and he made me realize im capable of hate

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but i feel like that too harsh?

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just because he hurt doesnt mean i should be rude to him

acoustic agate
acoustic agate
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Don't think about it now, enjoy your cake

limpid lichen
acoustic agate
acoustic agate
limpid lichen
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im just waiting for my love to fade away

acoustic agate
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Gonna take a while

limpid lichen
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we werent gonna reach a conclusion anyways

acoustic agate
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Right

limpid lichen
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3 days and we werent even close

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to reaching a conclusion

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makes me feel like he was just agreeing with me to shut me up

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but that wasnt the case

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he was just misunderstanding what i meant

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i just hope he'll work on himself

acoustic agate
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Usually people don't act upon the advice but you did

acoustic agate
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But don't worry about him too much now, take care of yourself

limpid lichen
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honestly it wouldve made things worse

limpid lichen
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if i didnt i wouldve just went back with him and this entire thing would be on repeat

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ill just miss him

limpid lichen
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im just gonna need a friend and time for myself

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appartently this left an impact on him

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fuck now i feel badddd

acoustic agate
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Gives you plenty of unbiased opinions to work with

limpid lichen
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everyone told me the same thing

acoustic agate
limpid lichen
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not a single person said to get back with him

acoustic agate
limpid lichen
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i wont

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i cant

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i really like my last message to him

acoustic agate
limpid lichen
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youre a kind soul. i hope happiness always follows you around in life 🤍

acoustic agate
acoustic agate
acoustic agate
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I'm always open to helping people

acoustic agate
clear fable
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This is messy as hell ngl

limpid lichen
limpid lichen