She wont leave my mind

[craggy heart]

I was really good friends with this girl but she found out i smoked and after an overdramatic apology she decided she wasnt comfortable. I just cant get her out i miss her but know i cant go back or do anything about it.

We were together at least once a week for 5 months we went shopping fishing swimming urbexing she did everything with me. She taught me how to use colors while drawing and even went on a picnic date with me which nobody had ever wanted to do before.

Its really just that i had never met sombody so nice and understanding, but my isolative tendencies came back and i withdrew from her for about a month then it all stopped. Im pretty sure i fell back into psychosis during that time, not the first time its ruined what i had, but i really cant shake her out.

I know it takes time and im letting the feelings pass but for how little i meant to her just nags at me because she’ll never know what an amazing part she was in my life. Im finding and building my own light in this dark world but i keep finding myself crashing at a low with the thought of her.

[vivid wyvern]

1. Stop smoking 2. Keep your mental problems in check

At the end of the day, it’s entirely up to you if you are willing to change for the person you love

I’ve been in many relationships where my partner wouldn’t change a damn thing and what makes my relationship rn different is that Emanuel is willing to change in order to keep me around

He made himself more available cause I’m clingy and high maintenance. I’ve tried to be more understanding of his busy life and keep my over dramatic ways in check

He is forgetful so he forgets to apply his changes but when reminded he will abide without a fuss

He learned I respond to love and care when I’m fussy and not lecturing so he is kind and sweet and that makes me subject to change. I learned he responds with a simply statement and not an overly drawn out ordeal I tend to make it be

It’s all about accommodation. If you truly want her, make the change to keep her around. If not, she will fade away again.

[craggy heart]

She is already gone i have no hope to bring her back. Simply because the last thing she said was that it made her uncomfortable and thats something thats very hard to forgive myself for doing.

But you are right and thank you. I really need to stop and have been leaning off, but ive been using the drugs to dull my mind of her.

Ill change for myself.

[vital dew]

Right
In relationship Kissing someone who smokes feels like putting your mouth in some stinky, freaky chemical bottle.