#I broke up with my (online) boyfriend and I feel like I'm falling apart

70 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

proper pike
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Me and my now ex boyfriend have been together for about a year, and recently I broke up with him due to an argument we had, and the whole situation has me feeling completly horrible and I hate that it had to end this way. Me and my boyfriend have fought for about 7 months out of the year we have been together and it boiled down to this:

I felt like he wasn't giving me the attention I needed (I am very insecure and was asking for him to say I love you 2-3 times a day, and maybe call me some pet names now and again.) and he would respond talking about how his depression has made it very difficult for him to give me the affection I needed and he needed to be given space to feel better.
It would always end in us promising that we would try to help eachother feel more loved (by him showing me more affection, and by me giving him the space he needed to start feeling better) but it never lasted, and the exact same argument would happen about a month later. This happened on repeat over and over again, but each argument got worse and both of us started getting more and more passive aggressive when we would hang out, which would end up making us feel even more terrible.
The final straw happened when I tried to be flirty with him, but he kept ignoring it and it ended up making me feel really insecure so I left our call abruptly and mentioned that i was feeling insecure about his reaction and that was the reason I left. He then responded that he has spent the last year being unable to better himself (like get a job, and improve mentally) because hes been so worried about me and how he would be 'neglecting me' if he couldn't talk to me constantly. As soon as he said that I broke up with him and told him that im not gonna be reason he stays depressed. He didnt fight or anything and just accepted that I was breaking up with him, and we ended up deciding to stay friends because we are both so close with eachother. Its been a week now and I cant stop myself from feeling

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-like insanely bitter because of how it ended and how it feels like hes acting like he cared so much about me when he was unable to do basic romantic things with me and treated me like a friend for months and months. every time i talk I think about how much I hate him for this and how much I still am in love with him regardless.
I was 17 and he was 23 when we met and he was my first long term relationship and was the best man who ive ever met. When we were in the honeymoon phase he was so perfect and charming and caring I just can't believe that it fell apart like this and I really don't know how to get over him. I have been chasing the high that our honeymoon phase gave me since February. I feel like an addict who has been desperatly chasing a fix that I cant afford anymore

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I keep thinking that I wasnt attractive enough or funny or perfect in some way and if I could just find that one thing he would like me again, but I guess it was all in vain. I really don't know how to get over a relationship and I need some help cause its been a week and I can't stop crying about it still

hidden fulcrum
proper pike
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broke up with my first long term relationship and idk how to stop feeling terrible about it

hidden fulcrum
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you move on

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it happened to me multiple times

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it still chases me sometimes

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but you'll forget about it

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it happens

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yeah

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also you like to seek attention

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normal girl behavior

proper pike
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i do

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i am really insecure and crave attention and affection and its been a difficult time trying to be less attached to the people i love

hidden fulcrum
proper pike
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maybe this is why i should date women

hidden fulcrum
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I also had a online girlfriend

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but yeah she didn't give me enough attention and yeah we broke up

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my fault tbh

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she was nice and very caring

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fuck I shouldn't be the one venting sorry

proper pike
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i mean idc

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its a venting server

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i just have no one to talk to about this because everyone is friends with him who i know

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and i didnt tell anyone because of our age gap that we had

proper pike
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i spent so much time this past year wondering if all of the issues were my fault or not and i guess ill never get the answer

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but man it hurts so fucking bad

hidden fulcrum
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I will give you a advice and so you will choose to follow it or not

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learn to expect less

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if you want attention then I recommend you socialize

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It will make you feel better and less needy

proper pike
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in my friendships i get the same way so i think that maybe i just need to fix my insecurity

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me and him both met at a really low point in our lives which made the codependacy so much worse

hidden fulcrum
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it is not wrong to seek attention, we all need it, me and you and everyone else.

proper pike
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i talked to him constantly and i just feel like half of my soul got taken from me

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it sound so cheesy but i dont know how to not be cheesy with stuff like this

hidden fulcrum
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yes

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so he's the right man ha

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it's normal ig.

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look, I recommend you do something that will make you forget

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take a walk, make a group with friends and there's a lot you can do

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if you just won't do anything then you wontnchange

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I joined a server and I got attention

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and I am telling you it fixed me

proper pike
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ive been trying very hard to try and do the things that i love and hang out with my friends, and im talking to people here because i really need to talk to people

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ive been trying to draw and stuff a lot more recently and play video games n stuff

hidden fulcrum
hidden fulcrum
proper pike
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we were best friends before we started dating and i was fully ready to marry him and have his kids

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but i dont think he felt the same way

proper pike
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but at least when i draw i feel productive

hidden fulcrum
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alright but lemme tell you one thing

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if you want to move on join a server or talk to someone that will give you attention

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by time you ll move on

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that all i have to say

proper pike
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thats what ive been trying to do

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just talk to a bunch of people

hidden fulcrum
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keep trying then

hidden fulcrum
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@proper pike

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@proper pike

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@proper pike

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@proper pike

proper pike
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yes

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im playing video game