Going through a break up 🌱

[untold folio]

Hi guys. Yesterday at night my partner broke up with me. The last 4-5 days he also didn't reply to my messages nearly at all, and only wrote good morning and when he went and came back from the work. We snuggled at nights and yesterday he didn't text me at all. I texted him, I said if you want to break up with me please tell this we can do it in a loving way. It doesn't have to end up hate, we are grown ups I said. He finally replied to me at night, saying he doesn't wanna be a burden, nor he wants to break my heart. We were in a distant relationship over 2 years, and there were left only couple of months to close the distance forever, but he said he can't stand being away from each other anymore. I have cried today the whole day. My heart is still hurting, but still I am trying to look at it in a mature and loving way. I feel guilty, mad, sad, heartbroken, abandoned, unlovable, unworthy. I have struggled with ||suicidal|| thoughts for over months, and only now I realize how heart breaking it was for him. There were many reasons I felt ||suicidal|| But I couldn't take time gor myself because I was afraid he would leave me for that even though he would tell me it's okay, or I kept telling myself thats not a good reason to take time for myself. I feel like I was a terrible partner and I felt like I was not good enough for him, which made me act the way I was not good enough. Thats a huge life lesson for me. I love him, and I haven't replied to his message yet. I don't think I am going to because he emotionally manipulated me this week, ignoring my messages, only checking up on me once maximum. I didn't deserve to be broken up this way. This last days I wanted reassurance from him about us having any problem in our relationship. He said there is no problem between us, he also said he was going through ||suicidal|| thoughts and I asked him if he had those thoughts because of me.He said no, he said he is actually putting effort to ||stay alive or survive|| because of me.

He said no, he said he is actually putting effort to ||stay alive or survive|| because of me. And it made me feel so much confused guys. I know that I don't want to beg a person to stay when they have decided in their heads that they want to end things. But my mind also keeps telling me what if we stay friends, what if I will work hard and after a couple of months we will get back together because we can finally be next to each other. I want to hug him. I don't want to do anything that will break his heart. I don't know, he hasn't even replied to any of my messages, yet I am here thinking about not hurting his feelings. I love him so much. And I feel like I am left with all this mess, with all the plans we did together. I even chose a career path just so that we could be next to each other. I made so many sacrifices. I know I was not the perfect person in therelationship.

. I dont wanna be mad at him. It breaks my heart to break up with him. He was the only one who knew my struggles, what my family did to me, and he was the one who made me feel loved. I don't know why I felt so unlovable, maybe it was something he did but i brushed off, I really don't know. Hopefully I will start loving what I see when I look in the mirror. I could ask everything that I was curious about and he would answer without hesitation. In my family people would never take my questions seriously. And my partner loved my inner child with me. I loved his inner child. I loved him. I don't know if I loved right, I had a lot of struggles trying to love someone when I hated myself. It hurts me that we need to end things. I wish ee could just pause things, work on our lives amd get better financially, and as a person, and get back together and work on everything we need. I really risked a lot of things for this person and I am not saying that he didn't deserve it. Loving someone is never a waste. I am so grateful that he was my partner for this 2 years. I just want to clearly say I loved him as much as I could, I poured to his cup as much as I had in my cup. I don't know how I am going to feel safe without him. I think I also trauma bonded to him. I was expecting love from him that I couldn't get from my parents. And it's really sad that I realized it later, that a partner shouldn't be ever the person giving you the love you couldn't get from your parents. I want to feel heard. Thank you so much for your time

[cedar goblet]

I understand you

Breakups are really tough but it's something you just have to go through

I'm also going through one

But trust me, time heals everything

You'll be fine

[tough night]

Dear Roxy, when I read your text, tears streamed down my face because it felt like I could have written it myself. Not exactly like your situation, but I’ve experienced some of the same issues and went through a painful breakup. If you take my advice, do everything you can to fix your relationship. Because later, you might regret not trying, and you’ll blame yourself. Maybe your relationship can be repaired, and you’ll experience true happiness with your partner forever. But if it doesn’t work out, at least you won’t have the guilt of not doing what you could have. Don’t beg him, but don’t give up on him either. Approach him with a balanced mix of logic and emotion. Keep your logic and emotions like two equal sides of a scale, and do your best to save the relationship. But if it doesn’t work, know that you’ve gained experience and paid a price for it. Go and try to save your relationship. If you run into problems and need more guidance, I won’t hold back. I hope you achieve what you want.
Wishing you the very best.

[cedar goblet]

I've made the mistake of trying too hard to keep the relationship but in the end we still broke up

Nine months of everything we had went away in a single moment

But do take my advice for a grain of salt since your situation might not be the same as mine

Remember that you deserve someone who's willing to meet you in the middle

[untold folio]

I hope so. It just feels like I will not get over it the next 20 years 🥹🥹

It sucks

[untold folio]

I unfortunately can't do anything anymore

Let me give you an update guys

So after he texted me that he can't handle it anymore, i couldn't reply to it for 2 days. Cus i was crying and just trying to get emotionally better so we could part our ways maturely. İ didn't want to make decision that would hurt me or would make me feel guilty so i took my time. After 2days of not texting him, he wrote me 'are you okay, what are you doing, where are you'. İ replied the next day saying that I'm sorry but I'm not emotionally available right now to talk and didn't enter the app the next two days. And today i entered it and saw that he left me on read and blocked me. İ again feel emotionally abused. He asked me how i am. And then when i said i needed time, he blocked me PHAHAHAHAH sorry I think I am having6a break down

[cedar goblet]

I would have encouraged you to face him and thus your emotions, shutting down wasn't the way to go but i guess it doesn't matter anymore cuz it's over

[cedar goblet]

It's a cannon event in everyone's life

Best advice I can give, which actually I got from a friend is that- don't be afraid to feel your feelings

It's not gonna be easy but if you suppress your emotions, you might never heal which could potentially affect your future relationships

Use this time to work on yourself and introspect

Learn from the past, live in the present and build for the future

Take care ❤️

[untold folio]

Thank you 🫂 it means a lot. I feel now guilty formnot responding to him, but as a personal who feels deeply, I really needed couple of days without no talking, just my emotions and myself. And it did help me. Today in the morning I wanted to text him, I was gonna say that I'm not silent because I don't care, I just can't talk, that's a reaction. I wanted to say I still care, and that he shouldn't take it personal. But then I realized he blocked me. I'm trying to remind myself thay I am not a bad person and that doesn't define my worth. I feel guilty that during our relationship I was just disappearing for hours and I always apologized even tho I didn't see any reason to. I felt like I was breaking his heart but instead he would had to tell me that I don't need to apologize for trying to survive an ||abusive|| household. I mean that's what I would actually wanted him to do. I feel like he hates me for that and he just blocked me because me shutting down triggered him and he just said 'she always does this' and just blocked me, even tho I am just trying to feel my emotions, when I hear people yelling and arguing in our house all the time. It's really hard. I wasn't trying to make him realize my worth. İ just wanted to take time so I could just feel my emotions and break up in a mature loving respectful way. I don't understand what I did, it makes me feel like he hates me but I don't want him to hate me. I just was doing my best. I even wanted to stay friends with him but I knew it would be so hard because I would feel so much romantic feelings towards him.

I couldn't go and cry to him that it breaks my heart etc, when he didn't even replied to anything I have written the past week. I would feel like a burden and he wouldn't know what to do prob and see me as a weak person who has no self respect because he already doesn't respect me, I mean thats what I think from the way he acts. Sorry I am just having a mental breakdown I just needed to get this out of my chest you don't have to reply. Thank you for advice. I am a person who thrives in their emotions when there are no yellings arguments fights in the house

[cedar goblet]

I understand. I've had similar urges to contact my ex and give explanations but you don't have to worry about what he thinks or whether he hates you anymore, allow to calm yourself, it's okay. Your response was valid, it's just that he couldn't take it well

[cedar goblet]

I understand why you couldn't tell him but you deserve peace too. If something bothers you or hurts you it's always better to tell your partner (in a mature and healthy way), if they understand and act on it then perfect and if they don't know what to do, start to blame you back or say things like "that's just how i am" then you'll know that they aren't the best person to be with. Keeping it to yourself will keep you trapped in a situation where you never feel happy or satisfied and that's not what a relationship should be about

I'm here to listen if you have more to say

[tough night]

I'm really glad there are people like you who, even during a breakup, care about preserving the mental health of both parties. However, you might have unintentionally hurt that guy's feelings a bit. It’s great that you’re coming here to express yourself and let it out instead of bottling it up and causing yourself pain. I think you should send him a message, however you can, and tell him that even if you’re going to part ways, you’d like to have one in-person meeting to end things in a way that causes the least harm to both of you. How a breakup happens is really important because those painful moments can linger in your mind for months, even years. So, tell him that as the last act in your relationship, you want to talk face-to-face. If he refuses, sadly, it’s likely that the relationship is over—though he might reach out later, don’t fool yourself with false hope. If he agrees to meet, go to him and say everything you need to say. Maybe your relationship can be salvaged, and you’ll continue happily together, but the outcome of your conversation should lead to a deeper understanding of each other. This is just my advice as an outsider, but combine it with your own ideas to figure out what’s best. I hope whatever happens brings you joy and is for the best.

[cedar goblet]

They were LDR

[tough night]

Oh I forgot it.
But phone-call is ok too. Texting sometimes resluts in misunderstanding.

[cedar goblet]

Mhm

[untold folio]

I think that's what I struggled to do the most. I struggle to open up about the things that make me feel uncomfortable, and when I do, it usually seems like I am attacking this person emotionally. Even though there are times where we solve the problems easily and then we celebrate it together because we could solve it quickly and without any fights or misunderstandings.

And even whenever we fight, we never disrespect each other, never call each other bad words

We could sound mad, but never say anything to disrespect another person

[untold folio]

I will update now🌸

[untold folio]

Thank you so much for your advice. Unfortunately we are ldr and only can talk though phone calls and texts. And focusing on understanding each other deeper is the most important thing as you said🫂 I have sent him a message I don't remember if it was the same day I have written here or the next day.

I have written him a long long message from Instagram because that's the only social media we were using. I mean I don't use it actively, but we would send each other reels and posts. I have written him that I have seen he has blocked me from WhatsApp and that I actually was taking time for myself and not ignoring him. That I really loved him and even actually wanted to end things as friends but couldn't bring myself to text him. And still can't believe that things ended and still need time to accept it and then if he wants we can talk about the break up. When I sent him the messages he replied to me at night because he is working at nights, saying that it has destroyed him that I have broken up with him. And that he deleted his WhatsApp account, didn't block me. I was shocked because I did not break up with him. I asked if he wanted to break up with me, if yes, then we can do it in a mature loving way instead of ignoring and hating

I explained him that I didn't break up with him with another long text. Later turned out that we both actually didn't break up with each other. But thought that we did because of our lack of communication and misunderstanding. Anyways he said it would be better for us to take time for ourselves and I agreed because I was still hurting and needed time. 2 days passed, we didn't text each other. I really wanted to text him at the end of that 2.day. I even wrote the text in the chat but didn't send him, because I had to do other things and decided to send it before sleeping but ended up falling asleep. When I woke up I saw his texts he wrote me that night

He said that he still can't do it anymore. He doesn't want to ruin the good times we had, and told me not to reach out to him in any case and disabled his Instagram account. Unfortunately even if I wanted to there were no other places I could reach out to him except his mom and his sister

I immediately texted his mom, because I was afraid that he would ||hurt himself|| I texted his mom saying that he cut connections with me and asking if he is okay I was worried about him. She told me everything was okay, amd when she asked him what happened he just told her that he ended things with me and didn't give any explanation

That day I had to go to hospital for Internship, but it didn't workout. While I was coming home from the hospital, I cried all the way home and couldn't calm down when I came home. I needed someone to talk, so I vented to his mom, even though I knew it was not the best idea to do that

But I feel closer to his mom, than my mom. My mom doesn't even know about my relationship.

After venting for 30 minutes straight, maybe a little more or less than 30, she showed my message to him even though I didn't want her to because I was afraid he would be mad at me for explaining our relationship to his mom and even though she told me I won't show the messages don't worry, she did ended up showing them to him. And in just couple of minutes, he opened WhatsApp account again and texted me

I learned that I actually have saved his life by venting to his mom, because otherwise he was planning || ending his life|| at the end of that day. He said he has woken up that day to write somethings for the last time. He told me I was the only thing keeping him alive, however he couldn't stand us being away from each other anymore, even though there were couple of months left. I think the hopelessness got him. He wasn't even sure anymore şf we could make it after couple of months, and as he was very ||suicidal|| he didn't see any meaning continuing to live. I explained to him that there is literally only couple of months left for us to close the distance forever. He finally agreed and now I am very grateful that he is alive

All of these things are very difficult for me to process in a very short time

I am still feeling mixed feelings such as fear, happiness, sadness, whenever I think about what happened. We agreed on getting professional help for both of us, and I made him promise me that he won't work in any job that ruins his sleep schedule, and that he will at least drink 2L water, eat 3 times a day and I also told him to has his blood checked because vitamin deficiency is effecting our mental health a lot

He wasn't sleeping well, working at nights, probably has a lot of deficiency, and want eating drinking enough. Of course everybody would want not to live at that point in their lives.

I am trying to give him as much support as I can. He seems better now. And I hope that he does really feel better

I am taking time for myself daily, like 2-4 Hours and as someone who has mental health problems and is surviving in an ||abusive|| household, I can finally show up so much better in our relationship and for myself too. I still feel and have ||suicidal thoughts daily|| however it's not ruining my whole day and my whole relationship like it did.

I am su thankful for everyone that tried to help and gave me advices

This is the current situation I am in and hopefully everything soon will get better.

İf there is anything you think that might be not right you are welcome to tell me, I love hearing others opinions

[tough night]

Hello again Roxy
I'm really delighted that you have saved your relationship and also his life. You have a precious heart. You've don great. I really admire your generosity and true love.
I'm not gonna say that being suicidal or thinking about it is normal but I feel you. Me myself sometimes think about it but my loved-ones are the reason that I want to keep going. I'm sure youu have your own loved ones. Also it's not the end of the world. There are so many exciting experiemces awaiting for you. It's LIFE. You laugh, you cry, etc. If you have seen Inside-out, you will understand what I mean.
Keep meditating and motivating. Have eacother's back and you'll both taste Love with your souls and body very soon. Keep me updated about any issues you face. I'll be there for both of you. Good luck🔥

[cedar goblet]

I read everything and I understand this is a heavy situation for you... I can see that you love and care for him but i want you to remember that you aren't (and shouldn't be) responsible for someone else's life. You can love him, be there for him but he also needs find other support systems.

You deserve a guilt and fear free relationship, love should make you feel safe too, maybe encourage him to talk to someone else or even a professional so it's not all on your shoulders. You shouldn't have to carry this alone while you already have your own struggles to go through ❤️.