Avoidant attachment

[balmy zinc]

I have this friend I kept pushing out for some reason, they really triggered me. Not blaming them I just started feeling out of place and anxious around them. I'm not sure what I was but grew to really admire and trust this person. Despite the fact I can never connect with anyone. They felt safe but the closer we got the more dependent my mood and emotions became. On them, it started with little things. I started becoming hyperaware of them. How they replied to a group chat before me. As a fearful avoidant I started growing insecure the only person I had was growing tired. I often asked if they needed space from my stuff. I tried to ask before telling them. I never wanted to burden them but it became very obvious too quickly I was. I just want to block them and pretend we never met. I'm still too emotionally invested still. I don't even want to think they're in such close proximity. They kept trying to keep a conversation going but I purposely killed it. They stopped replying just a few days ago. Should I block them? It's more so for my sake. I genuinely need to have the visible cut off to let them go for good. As part of me wants to be in control on how it ends. To give myself the illusion that I won. That I was right to not trust them. I know I probably sound like the worst. I'm aware I just want closure for myself. They have other friends so I'm sure they'll be fine I swear.

[slate harness]

I can relate to this, it truly fits what was between me and my bestie around 6 months ago although i hadn't come to the point i was ready to cut the guy off even slightly. My suggestion is that you take a break from the person yes you will likely check chats etc all the time in the beginning but as life move on so do you, instead of cutting the person off entirely it would be better to just take a break at least thats how i see it. Tell the person how you feel and if you still get ignored/a hollow response than i'd recommend fully cutting the relationship off since that means the person never truly cared to begin with. The person not responding could be either if she/he is slightly immature or if the person is overwhelmed either one isn't the end of the planet just tell he/her how you feel. And no you don't sound like the worst if you sounded like the worst i would be worse than the worst <3. And no if the person is a true friend you can't just be replaced by their other friends its not that simple thats just egoistic to think they wouldn't care if you leave. Point is your not the worst you just want boundaries for yourself and control which is normal in your situation ❤️