cal's very sad thoughts:( | The Therapy Center | Page 1

wanton bramble Sep 6, 2025, 6:05 PM

#

deadass i think most of this is going to be me freaking out about learning to communicate

wanton bramble Sep 7, 2025, 2:39 AM

#

hi ok i'll do an intro and respost it (updated if necessary) every 10th of the month ok?

#

ok j'm sleepy goodnigth

wanton bramble Sep 7, 2025, 3:17 PM

#

it's september seventh

#

i don't think before i speak and it's really bad to me

#

i will say something stupid or offensive or something that makes no sense to everyone else

#

and i'll like

#

get hella embarrassed

#

LOL

#

normal response

#

but my first thought when i get embarrassed is to hurt mysekf

#

thats not normal

#

i get so anxious that the person i said that to hates me and i have to "punish" myself for it

#

sometimes i wonder if i'm like

#

i dont even know

#

erratic to the point indont relaize

#

i think i might just be autistic /srs

#

not in the funny "i'm so autistic xD" way, but in the i'm so behind on my social skills is it autism or am i stupid

#

oh that sounds bad

#

i'm not saying autistic people are stupid, not at all, please don't take my wording like that

wanton bramble Sep 7, 2025, 4:56 PM

#

very sad day today

#

i feel every thing a little too strongly. it's like i don't feel "normal sad" i just get depressed and lie in bed all day

#

lol thinking of myself like this is making me question my existence

#

i could've been so good if i was so sick

#

very big shame i was ruined

#

i wish people noticed cries for help

#

maybe i give myself too much credit

#

i am very grateful to have a therapist lined up and an appointment on tuesday, even though it'll mostly be setting up for future appointments it is comforting to maybe have someone stable in my life

wanton bramble Sep 7, 2025, 5:43 PM

#

almost one pm and i've done nothing but sit on my ass and scroll

#

haaa i can't keep this up

#

my goals for today are get my missing assignments done, for this i have:

read + annotate something for world cultures
get my world cultures slides done

do my bio intro slide thing

#

i think that's it for missing work

#

and i'm going to do my best to finish cleaning my room today too

#

my day will not be ruined by a sudden depressive crash

#

i need to do my physical hygiene too, i'll make sure i have started the washer plus dryer, i'll make sure everything is set up tomorrow so i can shower before school, and i'll make sure i brush my teeth at least once today

#

yeah

#

yeah.

#

okay

wanton bramble Sep 7, 2025, 6:38 PM

#

lol my project in world cultures is making me realize how uncultured i am and how little i know about myself.

#

we're supposed to present five things from a list that make up our culture

#

i have things for social org., art, and values, i do not however, have snytjing for history

#

i don't even know where my great great whatever immigrated to america from, if they even immigrated at all

#

i've defaulted to just saying i'm german, but i really don't know and i don't have any one to ask either

#

no living grandma or grandpa

#

no aunts no uncle

#

i could ask my ma, but i don't want to talk to her and i doubt she knows anyways

#

i can always just say i'm german, sure, who cares if i'm lying? but i don't want to build myself around delusions

#

it feels like delusions i mean

#

i think i'll just make up a story about having a great grandpa who immigrated from germany

#

yeah

#

he speaks to me in german and tells me about the struggles he faced when immigrating here

#

yeah thats fine

#

grandpa who immigrated to America a few years after wwii who faced harassment and discrimination from people because he was german

#

yeah that's believable

wanton bramble Sep 7, 2025, 11:15 PM

#

i didn't get much homework done nor cleaning

#

i did most of my world cultures class n i just need to record

#

i have such a sinking feeling in my stomach

#

i wish i lived closer to friends

#

i wish my ex lived closer

#

i wish i had closer friends

#

i'm so ungrateful

#

i have plenty of people who value me

#

sometimes i value them but more often than not i feel great resentment towards them

#

i'm jealous their doing better than me

#

it's not fair

#

i really want to relapse

#

not funny

#

no

#

i wish someone would ask if i were okay

#

but i'd probably lie

#

i don't know man

#

okay bro

#

this is so sad

#

so in my feels

#

get me out

wanton bramble Sep 7, 2025, 11:21 PM

#

wanton bramble i wish someone would ask if i were okay

going off of this kinda

#

i've tried to talk to my ma about social stuff

#

and yo

#

every time i try to talk about my ex friends

#

she's like "oh it's because their neurotypical and you're not"

#

like

#

no

#

it's just because their an asshole

wanton bramble Sep 8, 2025, 12:26 AM

#

i feel so stupid trying to ask for help

#

i feel bad doing it too

#

if i usually ask for help/someone to just talk to while trying to calm down it's usually at night, as that's when it feels most necessary

#

and i really hate to say it, but i'm usually looking for help from my ex

#

i hate that term

#

were on okay terms

#

i don't really know

#

he says he misses n still loves me n stuff, but it doesn't feel like it

#

i try to talk to him and it's always so dry

#

i digress

#

but i typically go to him, as it feels easiest, and just yk like

#

i don't know

#

but yes him

#

okay

#

he says he doesn't mind but i feel bad

#

mwybe he really doesn't csre

#

but i feel very guilty

#

we go on and off contact a lot

#

i don't know why

#

i don't remember what happened last time in june

#

but a few days ago i reached out again and were back in the cycle

#

i don't mind it, it's nice to have him back in my life

#

i love him a lot

#

which probably sounds like bs coming from a fourteen year old

#

hah

#

probably is

#

anywho asking for help

#

it's more like just asking to talk

#

i want to talk to him

#

but i'm scared to

#

that's not good fir someone i love

#

lmao

#

im scared ti talk to evb though

#

i just want him

#

physically

#

not in like a freakh way

#

but in a i just want his presence way

#

shucks

wanton bramble Sep 8, 2025, 12:32 AM

#

wanton bramble but a few days ago i reached out again and were back in the cycle

made the mistake of reaching out through tiktok dms

#

god i fucking hate tiktok dms

#

i hate the timestamps every five minutes

#

yk like

#

didn't reply fir 20 minutes abd theres a new timestaml tjkng

#

that makes me anxious

#

it makes me think too much about other people's response times

wanton bramble Sep 8, 2025, 12:34 AM

#

wanton bramble made the mistake of reaching out through tiktok dms

i think he deleted his instagram though

#

or he blocked me

#

i asked about it

#

he said it's still there

#

but i can't find it

#

i might ask again

#

someone i interact with a lot deleted an account and idk who

#

it drives me crazy

#

i'm going to figure out who's it is

#

i'll be back

#

LMAO

#

ok he just blocked me

#

who gaf

#

but yeah

#

idk man

#

OK ABYWATS LETS TALK AVOUT BOOKS

#

i saw a post about books that made you ugly cry

#

i've only cried over two books

#

no

#

actually

#

i've only cried over one author's books

#

can you guess who that author is?

#

ADAM SILVERA.

#

i've only read three of his books

#

but thry made me cry

#

i want to read his new one

#

the survivor wants to die at the end

#

but i'm too broke for it rn

#

i plan on buying it soon

#

i'm currently reading a book i forgot it's name

#

its like

#

blazed by jason mysers

#

myers

#

it's sp good

#

i might cry over it by the end

wanton bramble Sep 8, 2025, 12:52 AM

#

wanton bramble ok he just blocked me

OH MU GOD I HATE THIS GUY BRO

#

i told him if we stop talking again to either block me on everything (TWO apps) or nothing

#

he said "nahh"

#

dude

wanton bramble Sep 8, 2025, 12:53 AM

#

wanton bramble i told him if we stop talking again to either block me on everything (TWO apps) ...

i said this and clarified to him that it's because i'll obsess over it and lose my mind

#

man

#

i really hate how this little situation has turned him into a fuckibg villain in my mind

#

i hate how i do tgar

#

mybhead hurts

#

i'm two more "i don't wanna"'s away from doing something bad

#

shut

#

the

#

fuck

#

up

wanton bramble Sep 8, 2025, 2:04 AM

#

tiktok oomf is so fuckimg cute

#

he's a couple years younger than me and he's so adorable in that "aww younger kid" way

#

(he's two years younger)

#

he was reposting stuff about being insecure and i feel so bad

#

i've reached out and made sure he knows he can talk to me

#

but i still feel so bad 🙁🙁

wanton bramble Sep 8, 2025, 2:06 AM

#

wanton bramble i'm two more "i don't wanna"'s away from doing something bad

asked why and he said he doesn't want to block anyone

#

IM FUCKING LOSING KT BROOO

#

IF YOU DOMT WANT TO BLOCK ANYONE WHY BLOCK OEN OF MY ACCOUNTS IN THE FORST PLACE

#

ALL I SAID WAS JUST BLOCK EIHH TY ER BOTH OF MY ACCOUNTS OR NONE BRO 💔💔

#

PLEASD

wanton bramble Sep 8, 2025, 2:22 AM

#

i find it hard to understand people sometimes

#

like logically i know they have feelings

#

but it's hard to process them snd sometimes i think i get carried away and forget about them

#

but then again i also feel as if i worry too much about others emotions

#

trying to communicate this to others feels wrong

#

it feels like i'm a wannabe edgy manipulator

#

"heh.. i mean i understand logically, but i can't process it emotionally or whatever"

#

literally the term i understand it but i don't

#

i don't get it past the logistical standpoint

#

whenever i get super into my emotions i feel the same way i did when i greened out for the first time

#

i get all twitchy and in my head while i feel the room physically spinning around me

#

i really want to relapse right now

#

obviously i won't

#

but i really want to

#

i don't understand

#

i wish he would just say i'm too much for him and move on

wanton bramble Sep 8, 2025, 3:13 AM

#

i'm such a whiny bitch

#

it's always "I don't like-"

#

"i dont want-"

#

"i wish-"

#

please

#

just shut the fuck up

#

i really suck as a person

#

i think i victimize myself

#

sometimes i wonder if im just victimizing myself or if i reslly sm whatever

wanton bramble Sep 8, 2025, 3:56 AM

#

i need to stop texting people when i'm in like

#

thise super short erratic depressive episodes

#

like today

#

like two hours ago

#

i might've messed things up

#

i really miss my ex

#

i wish he was with me

#

aha

#

not in a freaky way

#

i miss him

#

there's no fucking way this is my life.

wanton bramble Sep 8, 2025, 4:28 AM

#

wanton bramble i really miss my ex

i want him

#

i wish he lived closer

#

i wish we were doing okay

#

lots of self pity today

#

twenty mkre mintues of sadness

#

tomorrow will be better

wanton bramble Sep 8, 2025, 4:57 AM

#

good night

wanton bramble Sep 8, 2025, 11:09 AM

#

i try ink i might be sick

#

or hella dehydrated

#

i just showered and as i got out got super lightheaded

#

i tried to ignore it but just couldnt

#

i went in the kitchen to get a water bottle and drank a few swigs then did a big gag

#

i feel bad

#

but i cant be sick

#

nor can i miss more school

wanton bramble Sep 8, 2025, 3:23 PM

#

i feel so guilty when i go through those few hour/day periods where i hate my friends

#

i'm so ungrateful

wanton bramble Sep 8, 2025, 6:47 PM

#

i turn fifteen in about three months?

#

i start drivers ed second semester

#

i cannot wait until i'm able to drive myself where i want to go

#

i want to hike

#

i want to start going on runs, but not through a town

#

i want to do it around nature

wanton bramble Sep 8, 2025, 10:39 PM

#

about yo sleep for the nught

#

its almost six pm

#

i miss my ex

#

shucks

#

i hate my mom

#

i hate calling her my mom

wanton bramble Sep 9, 2025, 11:52 AM

#

hello goodmorning

#

currently trying to do a self intro thing

#

and it's hard when you have no sense of who you are

wanton bramble Sep 9, 2025, 4:49 PM

#

why does trying to get closer to people feel like trying to climb a mountain

#

i just want friends man

#

please just talk to me

wanton bramble Sep 9, 2025, 8:22 PM

#

i think my mother is very narcissistic

#

it doesn't mean a lot coming from me because i'm a kid

#

but i really see it

#

sometimes I wonder if I should just disengage from her

#

I think I will

#

just necessary interaction

#

I feel bad doing that

wanton bramble Sep 9, 2025, 11:27 PM

#

new therapist is fucking amazing

#

i love her

#

i hope she's available and doesn't ghost me

#

she seems like she genuinely cares

#

i hope she does

#

i miss my ex

#

i want to tell him i miss him

#

i wish he'd unblock me on instagram and let me text him there

wanton bramble Sep 10, 2025, 12:54 AM

#

relationships are so weird

#

platonic, romantic, purely interactional

#

how am i supposed to tell the people i get into relationships with i just get sad sometimes

#

how am i supposed to tell them i'll hate them with everything in me every few days

#

reading this, if i had someone like this in my life i wouldn't keep them around

#

too much work

#

i know logically i'm not too much

#

but i feel like i am a lot

#

i wish i could have a deep conversation with someone i'm interested in romantically

#

i wish someone would know all of me and love me regardless

#

duude the national guard or whatever came to my school today

#

they like recruiting or some shit

#

theres a lot you could do

#

i really want to join

#

i have to wait until i'm seventeen though

#

but i want that free education

#

#

it seems easy right??

wanton bramble Sep 10, 2025, 2:17 AM

#

lol i shouldn't have to get a sinking feeling in my stomach whenever someones nice to me

#

i was talking to my therapist about how i wanted to start working out

#

i really want to be and to run

#

able

#

but im scared to run in public

#

i want to run on trails

#

but nobody takes me to trails

wanton bramble Sep 10, 2025, 2:24 AM

#

wanton bramble i want to tell him i miss him

he said goodnight

#

i want to die

#

goodnight

wanton bramble Sep 10, 2025, 8:59 PM

#

charlie kirk is dead.

#

ok i'm thinking about this really fucking hard

#

i don't support him and i am incredibly hypocritical for this

#

but he didn't deserve that, he should be alive right now

#

his family didn't deserve it

#

the people watching didn't deserve to see kt

#

i see everyone celebrating right now

#

you CAN NOT advocate for gun violence if you're celebrating right now.

#

you CAN NOT advocate to stop school shootings if you are celebrating

#

he was shot on a school campus.

#

he was shot during an act of gum violence and was killed in a school shooting

#

rest in peace, charlie kirk. my condolences to his family. **end gun violence. **

#

last thing, it's horrible to say this, but this will most likely wake up the right side and will probably make gun laws more intense

#

i am not a democrat, but my views are left leaning, so yes rip charlie, hopefully this will be a wake up call to most of america.

wanton bramble Sep 11, 2025, 2:54 AM

#

actually fuck me

#

i can't

#

fuck

#

why can't i do social

#

i'm fucking useless

#

maybe i'm js like

#

not meant for anything or anyone

#

maybe i'm just other people's lessons

#

i don't like this feeling

wanton bramble Sep 11, 2025, 3:15 AM

#

i know this feeling will pass

#

but i feel so fucking hopeless

wanton bramble Sep 11, 2025, 3:55 AM

#

he said he wasn't doing okay

#

i asked whats up and if he wanted to talk about it

#

he said "yeah but you can't help so theres no point, you're not good at that typa thing"

#

lol.

#

lolololololololol.

#

i feel so hopeless

#

i wish i could tell a therapist without crying

#

i wish i could help people

#

i wish fucking ||retards|| wouldn't tell me they need help when i cant help

#

ok slur drop i'm sorry i can reclaim it

#

it's just so

#

so

#

shitty man

#

everyone else says i'm so intelligent in this kind kf thinh

#

but i just can't

#

why does everyone lie to me?

#

very dark thing coming up

#

tw for suicidal ideation? a suicide attempt talked sbot? self injury??

#

|| i've been thinking a lot about going back to the er for inpatient care, but i don't know how to ask for that. i've been thinking about just snapping one night amd faking a suicide attempt. like, idk. in my head it'd be like i self injured my wrists, avoid nerve damage as much as possible, and then calling the cops while waiting outside. when they'd come i'd just go with them to the er while they deal with my mother.||

#

i know thst wouldn'h actually work

#

but i wish it was that simple

#

i wish i could just live on my own

#

shit would probably be worse mentally, but at least it'd just be me

#

ok i feel like i'm on the verge of doing something drastic

#

i'm out

#

goodnight

wanton bramble Sep 11, 2025, 4:20 AM

#

I GEEL LIKE OM GOING CRAZY

#

IM NOT MANIPULAYIVE

#

IM NOT NARSACISSTIC

#

IM NOT ABUSE

#

ABUSIVE

#

PLEASE

#

SOTP

#

PELASE

wanton bramble Sep 11, 2025, 11:14 AM

#

i wish people didn't treat me like a reactive dog

wanton bramble Sep 11, 2025, 2:35 PM

#

dumbass teacher wasn't ready for me to do my missing assignments when he assigned me to the fucking support

#

"i don't have trhe code for you to do that can you do something else"

#

I DONT HAVE MY OTHER SHIT BRO

#

"oh well can you review your materials"

#

THERES NOTHING TO REVEIW I DONT HAVE THE SHIT THATS SUPPOSED TO BE FOR REVIEW

wanton bramble Sep 11, 2025, 8:32 PM

#

social situations r so hard

#

im in a new school and i feel like im in a constant competition with other transfer students when it comes to the fg i'm interested in

#

their interested in me too, but its just so..

#

their all popular

#

theres a transfer students whos in it or whatever and he's already like

#

fuck

#

"in the in"

#

LMAO

#

i hate this

#

i feel like i'm walking on eggshells around my own brain

#

maybe i should give up and accept being friendless

#

rahh i miss my ex

#

❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

wanton bramble Sep 12, 2025, 1:08 AM

#

i got slime

#

i like slime

#

it's very nice

wanton bramble Sep 13, 2025, 12:41 AM

#

i feel helpless as a person

#

i think i'm having an identity crisis

#

lol anyways

#

i wish my hair was a little more curly

#

it's so straight n short

#

it looks like hay

#

i haven't even bleached all of it, but i've bleached some, they look the same

#

feels different tho

wanton bramble Sep 13, 2025, 12:44 AM

#

wanton bramble i wish my hair was a little more curly

on this i also wish bleach wasn't so damn damaging to hair

#

i want light pink hair

#

like this

#

it's such a pretty color yo

#

aurghh i've got so much on my mind

#

i also wish i could pass better

#

i've been trying to work out, but it's hard to find motivation and go to the gym or on runs as a guy without a car

#

by next December i'll be able to get my license

#

it's not fairrrer 💔💔

#

HOCO is this week

#

i'm not going

#

but i thought about it

#

tickets r thirty bucks tho

#

who the fuck would spend that much on tickets?

#

also got nb to go with

#

sighhhhh

#

i don't have a dress ir suit ir anything either

#

i'd pull up in jeans 💔💔

#

i want to preirce my facd

#

i want angel fangs

#

i need this set up

#

#

only wjen i look like a male tho

#

hah

#

and with a stretched septum

#

sighh

wanton bramble Sep 13, 2025, 3:55 PM

#

i'm going to see a movie

#

so fucking hyped

#

the long walk

#

i've been tryna read the book

#

can't find it anywhere tho

#

i'm so exiting rooHappy

wanton bramble Sep 13, 2025, 8:52 PM

#

holy fucking shit

#

that was the most insane movie i've eever seen

#

fucking beautiful

wanton bramble Sep 14, 2025, 4:14 AM

#

ughhh we miss my ex right now

#

anyways

#

that movie bro

#

my babies

#

they all died

#

spoilers

#

my shayla

#

i didn't get any pictures of barkovitch

#

i think he was my favorite

#

closely followed by collie

#

fuck collies death was so beautiful

wanton bramble Sep 14, 2025, 3:48 PM

#

wanton bramble i didn't get any pictures of barkovitch

yeah him in the movie is 1000% my favorite

wanton bramble Sep 14, 2025, 7:38 PM

#

hi

#

#

my goat

wanton bramble Sep 15, 2025, 12:14 AM

#

wanton bramble rahh i miss my ex

no clue where i put the story about missing him

#

i don't know if it was somewhere here or in a dm, but i said i hate him so bad kn the moment, hut i know i'll miss him like a mf later

#

here we are

wanton bramble Sep 15, 2025, 3:37 AM

#

the reactions i get when i tell anybody anything

#

i should stop talking to people

#

tw eating disorders

#

||unrelated, but i remember one time having a friend who tried to make jokes about eating disorders. it was very frustrating especially after they acknowledged the fact. i remember sending them a video and kinda ranting, with permission, about how it was promoting disordered behaviors and stuff. they said it was over dramatic. we haven't talked since, until a week ago when i asked who they were (they viewed ALL my stories. they said "nobody" and blocked me. very funny imo.||

wanton bramble Sep 15, 2025, 10:47 AM

#

uhhhh i hate being the kind of tired where you feel it in your head

#

it's like a non painful painful headache

wanton bramble Sep 15, 2025, 9:37 PM

#

tomorrow we starting day 1 of weightlifting after school:3

#

we're going to get BUFF

#

no more twinky

#

LMAO

wanton bramble Sep 16, 2025, 12:05 PM

#

charlie plummer i love you

wanton bramble Sep 16, 2025, 2:57 PM

#

#

buh sent that like three hours ago

wanton bramble Sep 17, 2025, 3:21 AM

#

duuude whenever i find myself happy/energetic my forst though is that i'm manic

#

nooo

#

i deadass thought stephan hawkings and stephan king were different

#

i just realized they are two different people

#

what thw fuck

wanton bramble Sep 17, 2025, 3:53 AM

#

i hate communication

#

i hate it so much

#

it's so embarrassing

#

it's embarrassing to say something wrong

#

it's embarrassing to say something weirdly

#

it's embarrassing when the other person doesn't understand

#

it's so embarrassing to say "i don't know how to word it"

#

it's so embarrassing to not understand

#

i don't get it

#

why can't i get it

wanton bramble Sep 17, 2025, 4:39 AM

#

it's very upsetting when characters who are implied to be mentally ill are racist. (specifically when it's implied disorders that are often villainized or "weird"

#

i'm think of gary barkovitch

#

it was very clear he was mentally ill

#

i think it could've been bpd/bipolar and/or some autism

#

very frustrating

wanton bramble Sep 17, 2025, 1:28 PM

#

being super into something is weird cuz why is it a part of my schedule to watch the same edit multiple times every time i ride my bus

wanton bramble Sep 19, 2025, 5:37 PM

#

HAHAHAHA I'M GOING YO SEE THE LONG WALK AGAIN ON MONDAY

#

YESSSSS GOD

#

I'M SO FREAKING HYPEDDDD

wanton bramble Sep 20, 2025, 1:20 PM

#

im scared

#

i don't know why

wanton bramble Sep 21, 2025, 3:25 AM

#

cal's very important thoughts

#

i am feeling

#

what's the word

#

superstitious?

#

i'm very frustrated

#

i really think there's something wrong with me, like, personality wise

#

i don't understand how i feel

#

it's like i go up

#

and up and up

#

and then it crashes

#

like a roller coaster

#

the highs are so high and the lows are so, so low

#

sometimes it feels

#

numb

#

it's either high, low, or numb

#

that sucks

#

i feel lost, man.

#

sitting with my thoughts is scary

#

asking for help is scary

#

my head hurts

#

i'm so tired

#

okay we're shutting up and going to sleep, goodnight, oh so glad for therapy on tuesday

wanton bramble Sep 21, 2025, 2:18 PM

#

i've been having the same dream the past few days

wanton bramble Sep 21, 2025, 4:36 PM

#

ok so the concept of self harming by giving myself piercings

#

isn't that like

#

better than doing something else?

wanton bramble Sep 21, 2025, 4:51 PM

#

i was just thinking about something

#

i saw a comment talking about how a guy greened out on 300mg

#

and i was like

#

"you can green on that little while being "experienced" ?? how much is a noobie supposed to take in the first place"

#

so i looked it up

#

YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO START ON FIVE MG

#

I STARTED ON 1200

#

NO FUCKING WONDER I GREENED OUT

#

giggling idk why that's sp funny to me

#

ok wait

#

i need to see if i'm going crazy

wanton bramble Sep 21, 2025, 10:38 PM

#

boi i miss having friends so much

#

i might reach peak desperation and make a bmf video

#

i just wanna laugh otp with someone again

#

i want my ribs to ache

#

yeah we making one

#

okay

wanton bramble Sep 22, 2025, 1:37 AM

#

i met person

#

they seen kinda nice

#

i feel awkward trying to meet new people

#

i feel self centered

#

i think i am losing my mind 🤔🤔

#

#

really hate when i'm trying to talk to someone about something serious and they act all weird

#

duude anyways my freaking

#

world cultures teacher didn't do his stupid forms

#

and now my autism diagnosis has been pushed back

#

like what

#

lock in mr holmberg

#

sigh i wish i lived by woods

#

keeping conversations going is not my strong suit

wanton bramble Sep 22, 2025, 1:49 AM

#

wanton bramble really hate when i'm trying to talk to someone about something serious and they ...

"hey can we talk fir a bit i don't feel okay"

#

"wanna kiss"

#

bo dude

#

i wanna relapse

#

shut the fuck up

#

man this is incredibly frustrating

#

i don't think theres ever a time i have wanted to like

#

not die

#

but just forget everything

wanton bramble Sep 22, 2025, 1:59 AM

#

wanton bramble "wanna kiss"

"please don't say that"

#

genuinely think im losing my mind

#

i just want to talk to someone

#

i need to communicate

#

it's not forming

#

i don't understand it

wanton bramble Sep 22, 2025, 2:24 AM

#

wanton bramble "wanna kiss"

still very upset about this

#

i don't fucking get it

#

i try to start conversations with you DAILY

#

you don't reciprocate

#

i text you asking for help n someone to talk to while i'm doing shitty

#

you suddenly want to do all this shit

#

i feel like it's pointless

#

i'll say that n i'll unfollow you n whatever and then in a month or so i'll come crawling back again

#

this shit is so fucking pathetic

wanton bramble Sep 22, 2025, 2:53 AM

#

would just

#

being alone

#

be better than this?

wanton bramble Sep 22, 2025, 4:31 AM

#

hate being so self aware

#

why can't i just be horrible and not care about anyone else

#

when i was freshly thirteen, 5 days after turning thirteen, i was sent to the ward for suicidal ideation

#

i got out on Christmas eve after spending a week locked up

#

i spent christmas alone with people talking extra quiet around me

#

before the day i was admitted we went to the er because my mother found my self injury scars

#

we were there for eight hours while she looked through my phone and we sat for a room to open up

#

after eight hours my social worker came

#

she said a bed opened up

#

my mother took that moment to break down to the worker and tell her everything she saw while going through my phone

#

there was nothing inherently bad, but she found out she'd been sending me to my (sexual and physical) abusers house for years

#

one month before that it was thanksgiving day

#

she had an episode because i told her i didn't want to walk to her hospitals cafeteria and have "lunch" with her

#

she got very mad, she locked down my phone

#

i was locked in a city apartment for almost five hours with little to no belongings sleeping on the couch

#

i had nobody to call

#

she said i was too much and threatened to send me to my abusers house

#

six years before that i was in kindergarten

#

my kindergarten class was doing a play, the hungry caterpillar

#

i was one of the fruits

#

my mother told me to get her before the play, as she was the school nurse

#

my teacher didn't let me

#

i went to her office after school for her to yell at me in front of many and tell me i was too much

#

she threatened to send me to live with my dad

#

when i was eleven i sat on the couch in our living room playing on my phone

#

i told her i didn't want to help with yard work

#

she took my phone and started reading my messages

#

i got on my knees on the floor scream sobbing asking her to not take it away

#

that i was alone and they were my only friends, the people on the phone

#

she looked at me like i was crazy

#

four days ago she was mad at me for not helping bring in groceries

#

i was helping, but i was overstimulated because she wasn't listening to me

#

she again looked at me like i was crazy

#

four months ago she said something was wrong

#

she said she's probably neurodivergent

#

she said i'm probably neurodivergent

#

when i was eight i sat in the backseat of the car and told her i think im autistic

#

she turned back in her seat looking horrified and skeptical that i said that while asking why

#

i said i don't know, i just feel it

#

she said i was crazy

#

fuck man

#

i don't feel real

#

two hours have flown by

#

i feel light

#

i want to disappear

#

two days ago i dreamed

#

i don't remember how it started, but i did something good

#

someone came up and hugged me

#

they told me i did so fucking good

#

and they kissed me on the head

#

they did that for awhile

#

it felt real

wanton bramble Sep 22, 2025, 5:05 AM

#

wanton bramble this shit is so fucking pathetic

it isn't going well

#

he says he's not a talkative guy

#

lol

#

i feel like shit

#

i told him i'm sorry and that i don't know what my problem is

#

he said it's okay

#

fuck

#

off

#

i think i just realized

#

nothing matters

#

genuine

#

nothing

#

fucking

#

matters

#

i probably will not live past my 20's

#

dark, but true

#

it doesn't fucking matter

#

goodnight

#

thinking, head hurts too bad to sleep

#

if someone were to ask me what i live for

#

i don't think i'd have an answer

#

which i think is very unfortunate

#

i have to have a reason if i'm still here in this moment, right?

wanton bramble Sep 22, 2025, 10:55 AM

#

shit man

#

i got what

#

three hours of sleep?

#

i'm crashing so hard

wanton bramble Sep 22, 2025, 11:34 AM

#

i out grew my only sweatshirt

#

i think the universe is against me

wanton bramble Sep 23, 2025, 1:18 AM

#

i think i rely on reassurance, or something like that

#

i don't want reassurance in a sense of "oh i promise i won't leave" or whatever

#

but i mean i want it through how you interact with me in general

#

just show you actually want to talk to me

#

act like i'm not annoying the carp outta you

#

love saying carp instead of crap

#

fish

#

carp

wanton bramble Sep 23, 2025, 2:43 AM

#

i don't think i'm very self confident mentally

wanton bramble Sep 23, 2025, 1:27 PM

#

individual in my first period class i would like to befriend

#

it believe he's a senior/junior though

#

his name is collin 🤔🤔

#

lol guy in my class is SLUMPED

#

he's kinda snoring

#

i feel bad laughing

#

😭😭

wanton bramble Sep 23, 2025, 2:22 PM

#

bruh it said smb @ me

#

nobody did

wanton bramble Sep 23, 2025, 4:04 PM

#

duude im going fucking crazy

#

i have these kinda friends

#

i hang out w them for the hour before school starts

#

and its like

#

their overstepping

#

i have a lunch period with ONE of them

#

and suddenly they both skip and sit next to my actual friends

#

and usually i wouldn't gaf

#

but they like sit up on each other

#

and their weird, in the nicest way possible, i don't really like them

#

they read that like

#

fetishy bl type shit

#

theres one girl

#

fucking LOVE her

#

we dont talk much, but she sits w me

#

leah i lav you 🙁🙁

wanton bramble Sep 23, 2025, 4:41 PM

#

thinking about when my ma and i ahd to make a safeword for whenever we'd "fight" in 7th grade

#

i remember arguing with her n then all of a sudden

#

PINEAPPLE!

wanton bramble Sep 24, 2025, 12:34 AM

#

boom were back up again

#

let's gooo

wanton bramble Sep 24, 2025, 2:46 AM

#

listening to britney spears

#

whenever o losteb to her i feel like a twink

#

noo

wanton bramble Sep 25, 2025, 2:17 AM

#

we're not up anymore

#

i want to die yo

#

i want someone who loves ms

#

i am so, so tired

#

i dropped my german class because ot was too much

#

everything is too much

#

WHI THE FUCK KEEPS TYPING SHIT IN HERE

#

OH MY GOD

#

IT SAYS SOMEONE KEEOS TAGGING ME

#

I SWEAR TO GOD

wanton bramble Sep 25, 2025, 12:32 PM

#

my svhool is serving rawcegsscand meat

#

i ate some cuz i was hungry

#

i feel sick

wanton bramble Sep 25, 2025, 10:34 PM

#

my hair is so flat

wanton bramble Sep 25, 2025, 10:51 PM

#

were soo up

wanton bramble Sep 26, 2025, 1:19 AM

#

we're actually so down

#

holy fuck

#

my mother was just suspended for a hippa violation

#

i'm so fucked

#

i dont want instability again

#

please

#

being called poor thing makes me suicidal

wanton bramble Sep 26, 2025, 2:15 AM

#

i esnt my ex man

#

this isn't funny

wanton bramble Sep 26, 2025, 4:16 PM

#

i miss my ex best friend a little bit extra whenever i'm in a shitty friend group

#

i don't miss the abuse and manipulation

#

but i miss having a bestfriend

wanton bramble Sep 26, 2025, 10:11 PM

#

i lovd you

#

lovr

#

love

wanton bramble Sep 27, 2025, 8:44 AM

#

i try to not be depressive around other people

#

but it's very difficult

#

i have a strong feeling some friends would like to yell at me

#

tell me i can't sit ih my sadness

#

i mean i know that

#

obviously

#

but sometimes i think i deserve the right to be sad

#

anywho

#

i dreamt of an ex 🤔

#

i haven't spoken to him since january as i cut him off due to being in a bad place and not treating him well

#

i miss him a lot

#

they were an amazing friend

#

i let them down

#

before i cut them off they tried to talk about there gender identity

#

they said they think their trans n how did k know i was trans

#

idk man

#

i kinda went off

#

it felt like they only came to me for problems

#

thinking now, they were probably going thru it

#

but who knows

#

i just miss my friend

wanton bramble Sep 28, 2025, 1:57 AM

#

i really miss you

#

i lovrbyou

#

okay unrelated

#

i always used to wonder why people thought i had autism

#

but ive been paying more attention lately to what i do right?

#

i stim A LOT

#

this isn't funny

#

i get upset? we're jumping up n down

#

i feel overwhelmed? my hands are (sorta) flapping at my sides

#

i get excited? we're jumping start SHAKING

#

what is this

#

sigh also thinking about hyper sexuality, i won't go into details

#

but it's like

#

i don't get it

wanton bramble Sep 28, 2025, 2:01 AM

#

wanton bramble sigh also thinking about hyper sexuality, i won't go into details

i've always considered myself hyper sexual

#

i was sexually/physically abused until i was around eleven

#

i was exposed to adult content for the first time when i was about five years old

#

i've always been "freaky"

#

god o fucking hate to word freakt

wanton bramble Sep 28, 2025, 2:03 AM

#

wanton bramble i've always been "freaky"

but whenever i like someone i psychically cannot think of them as anything remotely sexual/impure without feeling

#

feeling

#

i dont knkw

#

disgusting and shameful

#

i think i link sexually/impure thoughts to them being digustingly shameful and shallow

#

i've linked sexual intamcy, without meaning to, to thst too

#

very sad, i don't think sex with a loved one will ever feel anything but shameful 🤔🤔

#

anywayssss

#

i ate ben and jerrys ice cream

#

it always make me super sick

#

stomach hurts

#

his style is so good dawg

#

how does someone so angelic get such great swag

#

i'm so tired

wanton bramble Sep 28, 2025, 4:00 AM

#

yeeouch

wanton bramble Sep 28, 2025, 12:50 PM

#

i thimk

#

i might be overdosing in tylenol

#

or my period is just super bad

wanton bramble Sep 28, 2025, 2:17 PM

#

ahaaaxnever mind

#

i aas just a lil in my head

wanton bramble Sep 29, 2025, 2:16 AM

#

i'm going to die soon, i think

wanton bramble Sep 29, 2025, 3:45 PM

#

i've started having very paranoid thoughts

#

i'm convinced i'm going to get swatted soon

#

i dont know why

#

i'm convinced i'm going to get shot

#

i don't nnow why

#

i'm convinced my mother is dead right now while i am at school

#

i'm scared

#

i texted her, she wont text back

#

i wdnt to die

wanton bramble Sep 29, 2025, 9:05 PM

#

feeling a little better

#

i have a sense of dread

#

whenever i hear something that sounds like a nock on the door i panic

#

i don't think this is normal and i'm contemplating whether or not i should talk to my school social worker and request an evaluation

#

i think i need one, but i dont want to risk getting my sense of trust taken

#

i don't want to lose the little i have now

#

anywho, this has led me to thought about my plans for the future

#

in three years, give or take a month or two, i will be eighteen

#

when i turn eighteen i plan to leave

#

just leave

#

disappear from my mother

#

i'd like to go to college

#

i need to start getting money

#

sighhh i miss my ex

wanton bramble Sep 29, 2025, 9:29 PM

#

very veryyyy sleepy

wanton bramble Sep 29, 2025, 10:31 PM

#

mom just said she's moving WITH ME to college 😂😂😂

#

guess what

#

NO!

wanton bramble Sep 29, 2025, 11:51 PM

#

wanton bramble i've started having very paranoid thoughts

anyways i'm great now

#

i'm sure the thoughts will come back though

wanton bramble Sep 30, 2025, 2:25 AM

#

i havd started something to bring comfort to myself

#

k have changed my passwords on everything and have written them doen somehwere

#

i have plans to get a workers permit asap

#

in december i will start drivers ed

#

i will be okay

#

i have decided to give it a week

#

if i continue to have intense paranoid thoughts i will consider reaching out to someone

#

hmmmm

#

problem with my ankle came back, the steroid cream they prescribed has stopped working

#

it's like an intense bug bite, but getting worse and bruising

#

very sad

#

will probably get a biopsy

#

very scared

wanton bramble Sep 30, 2025, 2:30 AM

#

wanton bramble sighhh i miss my ex

we have nit gotten a text

#

ii think i will wait a few days n just give them space

#

i think i need space anyways

#

i'm very tired

#

i physically feel my mental health declining

#

sometimes i wonder if i should just like

#

tweak the fuck out 🤔🤔

#

i've always been a people pleaser in a sense, when it comes to adults

#

people would probably say it's just "respecting the adults", hut it's really not

#

i wish i could just yell back at them

#

what's stopping me from doing that

#

nothing

#

but myself

#

gang these special thoughts of mine are very sad

#

cal's very sad thoughts:(

#

WAIT

#

fuck off man

#

is bipolar disorder hereditary?

#

it is

#

what if that's what's wrong with me?

#

oh man

#

anywho

#

i am rewatching beastars

#

i've started playing adopt me again on roblox

#

this is peak teenage hood

#

#

gender identity is such bullshit

#

currently i identify as nonbinary/questioning, but since 2022 i have identified as a trans male (ftm)

#

this is so shitty, i wish i could be genderless not like nonbinary

#

but just nothing

#

the same goes with sexual orientation

#

whenever someone asks i say i'm bi/queer, but i honestly have no clue

#

okay mu head is starting ti hyrt

#

very very bad

#

time to tyrn on bojack horseman and pass out

#

hmgooodnighy

wanton bramble Sep 30, 2025, 8:14 AM

#

i has a lifllr too vivud if a dresm killing someone

#

my motherr

#

i don't want this

#

plssse

#

ot felt too real

#

im dcsred

#

im shaking

wanton bramble Sep 30, 2025, 10:55 AM

#

lots more dreams

#

sigh

#

i'm so tired

#

i want to sleep

#

i hsvr school

wanton bramble Sep 30, 2025, 2:27 PM

#

we had a shooter drill 🤔🤔

#

hate this

#

i feel stuoid wanting to cru about it

#

but i'm still nervous

#

i hate being in the dark huddled up against people

wanton bramble Sep 30, 2025, 4:05 PM

#

trying to recover from my eating disorder, so trigger warning i suppose for the next few messages

#

i really hate how i can't stop myself from stepping on the scale

#

i was never properly disordered, but i had a lot of the behaviors and was being watched for one

#

since i have decided to "recover" it has been

#

shit dude

#

three days?

#

i've gained like five pounds

#

i know logically i don't look any different and i know it's just weight from eating regularly

#

but i don't want to maintain this weight

#

i'm trying to think of it in the way that's most appealing to me

#

woahhh recovery with regular exercise, like weight lifting and running, equals super fit and not looking like a female anymore

#

and i know logically if i continue to lose weight i will get skinnier, look more like a female, AND won'g gain muscle

#

but it's just ya know

wanton bramble Sep 30, 2025, 4:09 PM

#

wanton bramble i'm convinced i'm going to get swatted soon

back to this

#

i got into an argument with someone a twitter, the obvious incel online and i know it was wrong and probably ragebait you dont have to yell it at me

#

i don't usually interact with accounts like that ESPECIALLY on twitter

#

but i wanted to argue, so we did

#

and i eventually got bored and disengaged

#

they then tagged a russian account, and clicking on that account i saw it was all arguments about assassinations in russia, and cases like that

#

i got it into my head they tagged them to dox me

#

so like a normal person, i deleted the very few tweets i had, blocked both accounts, deleted the entire thread, and deleted my account + uninstalled twitter 🤔🤔

#

inknow i've probably got nothing to be afraid of, but everything all together, with how my mental health has been getting worse, and deciding to recover

#

it's just a lot and j got super paranoid

#

i'm still relatively paranoid, but not as much

#

i am no longer scared if getting ||shot in the head|| when i go into open spaces ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

#

a little paranoid of school shootings though, from the drill

#

sometimes i kinda wish i'd get attacked though, school shooting wise or anythiny rlse

#

inknow thats gery bad

#

but like

#

ya know

#

i'm super tired

wanton bramble Sep 30, 2025, 4:15 PM

#

wanton bramble woahhh recovery with regular exercise, like weight lifting and running, equals s...

to add onto this topic a little more

#

my eating disorder stimmed from wanting to be as small as possible

#

NOT in a kinky way

#

but in a way that kinda feeds into my victim mentality?

#

i know i am a victim, but i am also a perpetrator in many situations

#

okay not in THOSE situations

#

just general arguments

#

but i can't help but victimize myself and blame it on something else

#

like mental health

#

okay this is sounding bad

#

in a argument or whatever where i do this i DO 100% take accountability fir what i've done wrong

#

in PRIVATE i think ahout it like this

#

it's unhealthy and has gotten better, but it's yk?

#

yeah

#

okay

#

i have to pee so bad ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

#

i'm at lunch

#

i'd go but the first floor bathrooms are horrible

wanton bramble Sep 30, 2025, 10:59 PM

#

i feel different not being able to cry over sad movies

wanton bramble Sep 30, 2025, 11:13 PM

#

wanton bramble ii think i will wait a few days n just give them space

still giving space, but let them know im considering getting evaluated

#

ngl theu didnt gaf

#

kinda wish they asksd about it more

#

or like

#

tried to give a shit

#

idk

#

i'm very tired, i need to sleep, but i dont waht to

#

i want to talk to them, hut turu wont talk

#

very sad

#

fuck offf it's not thst hard to engage in a conversation for ten minutes

wanton bramble Sep 30, 2025, 11:45 PM

#

still no text back

#

haaa

#

i took thirty seconds to respond

#

no way dawg

wanton bramble Oct 1, 2025, 12:13 AM

#

cat is FIGHTING to get into the bathroom i'm shitting in

#

#

holy moly

wanton bramble Oct 1, 2025, 1:29 AM

#

just rebought spotify premium 🫂🫂

#

msybd im not so doomed ❤️‍🩹

#

ok real stupid thing real fast

#

#

what the fuck is this 🥹🥹

#

"i need a bpd boyfriend sooo bsd 🥺🥺"

#

cannot help but tweak 🫂

#

i know its probably not me

#

but whet if

#

ok anyways

#

told my symptoms to our schools crazy med girl

#

she said it sounds like schizoaffective disorder 🤔🤔

#

no idea what that is

wanton bramble Oct 1, 2025, 2:17 AM

#

i need ti sleep

#

but i cant

wanton bramble Oct 1, 2025, 2:17 AM

#

wanton bramble no idea what that is

honestly if i were honest to therapist i probably could get a diagnosis, or at least a suspension of a diagnosis

#

but i feel i cannot be honest until i am 18 and have the free will

#

lol how do you even tell thus to a therapist

#

"hey.. i suspect i habe bpd and maybe bipolar with schizoaffective disorder, i know i'm only fifteen, but please believe i'm not attention seeking and please believe it's not just hormones"

#

yeah no

#

if i go back impatient ill let it all burn

#

but until then my lips are sealed

wanton bramble Oct 1, 2025, 3:11 AM

#

miss ex boyfrirbd

#

cery sad

#

i wsht to twlk to him

#

ge disnt esnt ti talk ti me though

#

i want hun

#

i just want somrone to say they love me man

#

i wabt to tell someone i love them

#

i want the romantic stability

#

i want relationship stability actually

#

in general

#

romantic or not

#

right now romantic

#

but i crave it generally too

#

my throat hurts

#

my head hurts

#

i need to go tobbed

#

i want to sleep

#

i just need to put the ohone fien sbd lie dieb

#

its thet rady

#

i csbg do this

#

i wsbt him

#

very sad

#

yesg i gitta go to sleep

#

i wosh he cared 🤔🤔

#

goodbughy

#

nevermind listening to peak for acfew minutes

#

god, i love drunk drivers/killer whales by car seat headrest

#

i think it's the first song i've ever heard ffom them

#

i remember being fresh out the ward without my phone listening to it on my nintendo switch frpmm yourubr

#

life altering, mab

#

man

#

definitely top three

#

hmm

#

i likr it's only sex too

#

another top three

#cal's very sad thoughts:(