#is this a good reason to consider breaking up

1 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

blissful laurel
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lately my bf of almost 3 years has been kinda cold with me and lowkey distant and doesnt give me as much attention as before.

its making me feel really lonely, weve talked abt this a couple of times and he told me its because hes busy and all that (which is a good reason) but almost all of his free time he spends doing something else and not with me, while every time i have free time im dying to spend it with him😭

this has started really going on my nerves and idk what to do anymore nor if its possible to fix it even..

overall hes a great guy and has no red flags its just this...

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it seems like such a small thing but that thing is becoming larger and larger as time passes and its just irritating

idle silo
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How old is he?

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Independence in males is common during puberty

blissful laurel
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23

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😭

idle silo
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Oh nvm he is a jerk then from my pov

blissful laurel
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i mean

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i dont think he is a jerk he just probably doesnt really like me as much as i like him

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and thats not necessarily bad

idle silo
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How much time does he spend with u now vs before it started

blissful laurel
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before it started he would also use almost all his free time on me

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i just dont know

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i dont know what to do cuz this fucking sucks

idle silo
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When did this start

blissful laurel
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like 2-3 months ago

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actually no

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1 month ago

idle silo
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?

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Oh

blissful laurel
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and its really consistent

idle silo
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Did anything else change about him?

blissful laurel
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yeah he moved

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he definitely is busier

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which i said is fine

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but with the free time he has he does other things

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i just dont feel as wanted as i used to

idle silo
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What does he do in the free time?

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As a guy myself i can maybe give you a very rough assumption as to why he prioritises that over you

blissful laurel
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he plays games and watches stuff with his friends thats literally all

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even though honestly we pretty much have the same interests

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so i dont know whats so different between me and them

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i also play with him we also watch stuff

idle silo
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Well

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We tend to like hanging out with other guys

blissful laurel
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it wasnt like that before

idle silo
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He got more comfortable with you

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Or something new released that they are playing

blissful laurel
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i also have female friends but i still prefer hanging out with him over them

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it just feels unfair

idle silo
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Have you tried talking to him about it?

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Like at all?

blissful laurel
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because i really love him so much and i love his company

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yes multiple times

idle silo
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His response?

blissful laurel
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he said he is busy thats all but he will try to prioritise his time for me too but it feels bittersweet because it feels like im asking him to love me more, and i want him to just want to be around me by default, i dont want to beg him for it

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and it feels like im begging for his attention

idle silo
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Clingy and distant doesnt usually go together (no offense)

blissful laurel
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tbh he used to be even clingier than me

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literallt forever until a month ago

idle silo
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Then something has happened

blissful laurel
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fuck it ill start ignoring him too

idle silo
blissful laurel
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i do

idle silo
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He doesnt deserve you

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He TOLD you he will prioritise his time with you

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He hasn't

urban stump
blissful laurel
idle silo
urban stump
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do you really think you deserve to get treated like that

blissful laurel
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weve been together for 3 years and this was only for a month

urban stump
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people change and we gotta accept it

idle silo
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#listener-info

blissful laurel
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and i love him too much hes like the male version of me

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taking a break is as far as i wanna go

urban stump
blissful laurel
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like were so similar theres just too much connection

urban stump
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tell him if he wants to keep up with that behaviour you'll breakup

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cuz its ruining ur mental health

blissful laurel
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alright tbh ill do that

idle silo
urban stump
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this is kinda immature tho

idle silo
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Im 13

urban stump
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a calm conversation would be better

idle silo
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Chill

urban stump
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im 88

blissful laurel
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u guys are right

urban stump
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🏃🏻‍♀️🏃🏻‍♀️

idle silo
blissful laurel
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ill just warn him ig

urban stump
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by also bringing up the breakup

blissful laurel
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ill let him know what type of consequences this can hold

idle silo
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Basically what i just said

urban stump
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that will be a warning and if he really wants the relationship he'd change

urban stump
idle silo
blissful laurel
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i feel like im basically asking him to love me

urban stump
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tell him if he continues to treat u like that, you'd mix hair removal cream in his shampoo

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👍🏻

blissful laurel
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i cant force somebody to love me and want to spend time eith me

urban stump
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ur right

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so smart

blissful laurel
urban stump
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please dont feel that

urban stump
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but back to the point

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please just have a LAST conversation

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if he doesn't change then leave

blissful laurel
urban stump
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yk there r people who get married and divorce after 6 years just because their partner doesn't treat them right

blissful laurel
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yeah yeah

urban stump
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having a 3 year relationship doesn't guarantee u that you'd have a perfect love life

idle silo
urban stump
blissful laurel
urban stump
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it may bug him and he'll come back

blissful laurel
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🐍

urban stump
blissful laurel
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idk nothing yet i js started😭💀

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i failed a couple of times

urban stump
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yeah then keep up with it

urban stump
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😭😭😭😭😭

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BE STRONG

blissful laurel
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i love him too much

urban stump
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dont fail oka

blissful laurel
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and his energy wnd presence

urban stump
blissful laurel
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i just wish this wasnt happening at all

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yeah ill be strong

urban stump
blissful laurel
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thank u guys a lot for talking to me tbh i feel a bit more stable

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ill update u

idle silo
blissful laurel
idle silo
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Anyways cya

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And good luck with your boyfriend

blissful laurel
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chat i fear my problem only got worse with ignoring him

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💀

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he just got "busier"

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tbh i did it successfully for one day so maybe i need to do it longer

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ill just strip him off any affection he can get from me

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man fuck him

umbral hamlet
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What kind of 'busier' does he have

blissful laurel
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i have no idea just uni stuff i guess

umbral hamlet
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Hmmmsmsm

blissful laurel
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but i have shitton of uni stuff to do as well and always make time for him

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im not even sad im just so angry

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like the audiacity of this man

umbral hamlet
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Focus on yourself if he is focusing on stupid shit

blissful laurel
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yeah i will

umbral hamlet
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Could be something important he prioritizes but if he isn't making much time for you anymore might as well treat yourself good

blissful laurel
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if hes not gonna give me attention i wont give him any either

umbral hamlet
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YES

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Amazing

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Would be so stupid if he's going to ask why you're not being affectionate anymore

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I can't swipe to edit anymore 💔

blissful laurel
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im just gonna tell him that idk what hes talking abt

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two can play this game

umbral hamlet
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REAL

blissful laurel
umbral hamlet
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But you can do better❤️

blissful laurel
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thank u bro

umbral hamlet
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Of course! X3

You aren't alone in this hell of a world❤️

blissful laurel
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i wonder if this is a normal reoccuring thing that happens in a relationship

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like i wonder if this just happens after some time has passed

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he used to text me 24/7 i dont know what happened dude

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i hate my life

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if it becomes like this i dont want a relationship at all with anyone ever

urban stump
blissful laurel
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what do i do

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😭

rigid axle
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The same thing happened to me, was in a 6 year relationship, the last year and a half I put everything into my studies (tryharding for med school), that I became burnt out and depressed (didn’t realize it), and decided to add a 12h med job on top of my already packed schedule, my gf at the time didn’t reach out saying she felt neglected (we still talked daily and played games when I could), so quiet resentment built and she broke it off

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I’d wish she could have really sat me down and had a mature conversation about how seriously neglected she feels so I could’ve shifted my focus, which is something you can do, really explain how hurt you are and you don’t see the relationship continuing unless both of you work through this

blissful laurel
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i just feel bad because he does other things in free time instead of wanting to talk to me

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i want to talk to him all the time, so why doesnt he feel that way too?

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he used to be like that

rigid axle
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he might be an dismissive avoidant like I was

blissful laurel
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did u miss ur gf?

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while u were busy with studies

rigid axle
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every day

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i still talked to her every day, at least a text

blissful laurel
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im sure u texted her at least or let her know that u miss her

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im just so fucking upset because i am pretty much busier than him (i am in med school u would understand) and i still manage to make time for him

rigid axle
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well no, our relationship was pretty irregular and sarcastic, we didn’t really say a lot of i love yours or miss you’s from how long we were together

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because we just knew

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but that’s a different case from yours

blissful laurel
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yeah i guess, im sorry

rigid axle
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yeah no all good, does he at least text you once a day or talk to you once a day?

blissful laurel
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he does but its not really texting, its just sending a bunch of hearts

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which to me feels lazy and empty

rigid axle
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yeah this is a mature conversation from both of you

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it’s not going to change unless you really bring it up

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and not just passively, really like make him know seriously

blissful laurel
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i already talked to him about it and he just told me he was busy, but again he plays video games from time to time

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im not trying to be obsessive but like in that moment he had free time, he couldve talked to me a bit🤕

rigid axle
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like face to face, or call?

blissful laurel
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text

rigid axle
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yeah this is a calling matter

blissful laurel
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its a long distance relationship its complicated but thats besides the point, the thing is he was never like this before

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he would literally text me 24/7

rigid axle
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i’d gotten small breadcrumbs in small texts throughout the relationship when something was up, and i’d dismiss it believing it wasn’t that big of a deal since we talked every day, went on dates, etc and these issues wouldn’t come up again

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texts can be misinterpreted

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i would very much suggest this be a mature call

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to get the point across

blissful laurel
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tbh texting is all we do we never call😭 almost never

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but i guess ill talk to him about it again

rigid axle
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welp maybe a call will make him realize how serious it is

blissful laurel
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this all just hurts my head

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im just so upset

rigid axle
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reasonably so

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i’d try enough, and if there’s no change even from putting in everything you have

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only then would i reevaluate if that’s the kind of relationship i want