Hallucinogenic

[pulsar horizon]

so if anyone sees this, just try to help me feel like a human, be my friend, at this point I havr to just say that...

btw I will mess up lots of spelling and have typos, just saying

I know some people will just say "Oh, sorry that sucks, hope it gets better(Which it won't)"I just want someone to talk to me like I am not broken

[austere hatch]

Oh, that must have hurt ☹️

[pulsar horizon]

I dont remember if it hurt

most of my memory from around when it happened is gone

I remember everything else tho

[pulsar horizon]

I woke up this morning to see my dresser shaking and arms clawing out of it. This is one of the worst mornings yet

[wispy cloak]

Damn, that sucks

[pulsar horizon]

Thanks, but in the first message I sent I said thats not what I wanted to hear anymore, im sick of it, thank your for your consideration.

[hollow lake]

get a dog!

like a german sheppard

[wispy cloak]

Sorry

[pulsar horizon]

I have one

[hollow lake]

1. can train him to bark if there is someone there so youll know if its a hallucination or not and 2) can rlly reduce stress

[pulsar horizon]

Dont be, i understand there isnt much you can do

[hollow lake]

get a better 1 cuz the 1 you have obv isnt cutting it

[wispy cloak]

Maybe get some meds?

[hollow lake]

saw something about a guy with schitzo using his dog to identify real vs fake experiences

[pulsar horizon]

ok, number one. Don't tell someone to "Get a better dog." A dog is a living being and you don't treat them like an Iphone, number 2, my dog is being trained to help relieve my stress. I can pretty easily tell when something is a hallucination at this point...

[pulsar horizon]

I have some that help, but i can only take once a day

[wispy cloak]

dang, do you have friends?

[hollow lake]

thats amazing, what dog

[pulsar horizon]

He is a lab mix, named Hank

[hollow lake]

picture

dox your dog i wanna know what lab mix looks like

[pulsar horizon]

Most of my friends from before the crash still hang out with me, then some ppeople kinda drifted away

[wispy cloak]

Do you play video games?

[pulsar horizon]

Yeah, I play No Man's Sky

What games to do you play?

[wispy cloak]

COD, Escape from tarkov and no mans sky, but I havn't played in months

[pulsar horizon]

Oh cool

I used to play COD, honestly I was so bad

[pulsar horizon]

Today I woke up in the hospital...

I blacked out in the morning and forgot everything that happened. I might need brain surgery to prevent me from having a stroke.

I have been having bad halucinations the whole time i was here.

They are doing all these head scans that i dont understand. besically part of my brain isnt getting enough blood so I keep passing out. They cant fix the hallucinations though...

[pulsar horizon]

Having surgery tomorow...

im scared

however it is the right thing..

[deep forum]

yo, if the age in your bio is correct, i can't imagine going through this at 13 and i'm sorry. i don't have advice or anything but i hope everything goes well for you

[cerulean pecan]

You’re not broken, even if it doesn’t get better, it doesn’t matter. You’re healing, even if that doesn’t mean you’re getting better physically I just hope you get better mentally, till you realize how much more you are than just a few spelling mistakes, everyone has those.

[cerulean pecan]

Good luck, I hope you’re going to do well !

[pulsar horizon]

It went well

feeling drowsy tho

[deep forum]

that's great!

[pulsar horizon]

Yeah

hallucinations are still here tho, im seeing black figures running through the hall when i am walking

I am finaly allowed to start moving around

my mom took a video of me spilling water literally all over the nurse while th anestesia was wearing off

[pulsar horizon]

So today the doctor confirmed that my hallucinations are going to slowly get worse and turn into schizofrenia. I'm really upset rn

I wanted it to get better

He said that stress and anxiety will make it worse so i am trying to stay calm

the hospital is pretty chaotic

a bunch of familiy is all crowding me to, i honestly dont want to have anyone here

it makes me feel broken

[pulsar horizon]

I got out of the hospital today and the first thing i did was go get ice cream with my grandparents. I feel happy for the first time in a while

[pulsar horizon]

Hallucinations are bad today, lots of furniture shaking and other weird stuff