#I feel very lifeless

70 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

minor ermine
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Let me be frank. I had depression that lasted more than six months. It was undiagnosed because I never told anyone, but it also felt like nobody noticed how deeply depressed I was at the time. The reason I got that way? I lost my mind, okay? I really did. It was painful. Excruciatingly stressful.

But now, that depression seems to have ended, and things are starting to get a little better. Still, I’m afraid. I completely ruined my school life. I wasted six whole months doing absolutely nothing. Just staring at the ceiling and sleeping all day. Oversleeping yet still exhausted.

Now, my final exams before graduating secondary school are coming up. And it sucks. Why did I have to go through depression at the worst possible time? Ugh. I give up. Maybe I’ll just fall back into what I was doing during those six months.

Also please, stay away from me if this place is very triggering to you. I don't want anyone to feel like that because of me. Just keep yourself safe.

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Tbh, I should have died back then so that I won't feel bad until now.

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Screw you man. Why didn't you just do it already?

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Now it feels so invalid for me to do it again.

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Listening to Lofi music keeps me in check for now...

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Sigh

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I just feel so tired yet I know others are more tired than me

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Just go away please

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I feel so numb these days

swift hawk
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Yo

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How are you rn

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I know what it feels like to be numb

minor ermine
minor ermine
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It's just that I smile with friends but at home, I feel numb again.

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Ah, it wasn't supposed to end like this

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Just wanted to be depressed again

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So that I stay clueless

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Sigh

minor ermine
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Honestly, what am I even doing with my life? If I'm going to be pathetic this much then maybe I don't deserve to be here. It was my decision to begin with.

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This is what I get for being so quiet these 6 months.

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I knew the consequences

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I didn't want help

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That's the truth

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Yeah, I never wanted anyone's help

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I didn't want to do anything...

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Pretty selfish of me

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I'm sorry

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When am I going to die?

swift hawk
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Do you want to die or do you just want to feel something

minor ermine
swift hawk
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If you want to talk to someone I can talk to you and there are a lot of people on this server willing to

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I’m going to bed rn, but I will be here in the morning. Remember, Don’t commit suicide. It kills

minor ermine
minor ermine
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So just live as you wish

minor ermine
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I think I'm going nuts a bit

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I'm really pathetic tbh

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I'm not really doing anything to fix myself

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Ah screw this

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Do I even want to live?

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I'm just hurting everyone around me at this point

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This whole day I just kept listening to music doing nothing else

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I did zero work

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Am I just blaming myself so that I don't do work?

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I hate this

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I really want to go to sleep and just stay asleep.

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Waking up just makes me feel like I'm going to regret it later.

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Please just let me do it already. Why is it so hard? I already know the answer to that.

muted veldt
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suika

minor ermine
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I was trying to talk to myself here

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Too much I guess

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Sigh

minor ermine
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Maybe it's my ego

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Am I really just that screwed?

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I am aren't I?

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That's what I want to believe in

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I'm never going to get better like this

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Feels like I'm lying to myself

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I hate how my brain acts like this to protect me

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I really don't want to move forward anymore

still ice
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Trust in the lord Jesus's christ

minor ermine
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It might have worked before but not now sadly

muted veldt
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suika

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i know what you are going through

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the inner voice

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i know about it

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and your pushing people away

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i just dm you