how do i forgive myself for what i have done ?

[pulsar mural]

so a few months ago i made a huge mistake by cheating on my bf. i loved him more than any guy i've ever met but the problem was that i was an alcoholic at that time aswell. i drank every day, one day it got bad. i was selfish, i felt lonely. my bf wasn't there at the time. his parents r divorced, one lives in my country and the other in england. so he switches from country once every while. he was at england at that point and for some reason i was too desperate so i kissed a guy. i didn't know him, i couldn't even see his fucking face it was all blurry. i barely heard his voice, yet i still made out with him. i dont know why i did this. after that i told my bf abt it and he instantly got mad and broke up with me. i haven't dated anyone after that incident, i felt so guilty that i even stopped drinking. now im sober for 3 months. however, since about 1 month ago he came back. we started talking again. i showed him that i have changed and that i am no longer a cheating whore. he believes me, but not fully which i understand and respect. it takes time to fully have him back. i want to marry him, i love this man so much. i dont want to lose him again. we are now almost dating, but he's testing my patience atm to see if i have actually changed or not. everything is fine between us, our contact is js like how it used to be. but the problem is that that mistake is still eating me from inside. it's burried into me. i can't seem to forgive myself no matter what, and i'm also afraid that he might get me back for what i have done. i don't think he will, it's js a thought. so what should i do ? how can i forgive myself ?

[thick linden]

i know forgiving yourself for mistakes are hard. but it’s human nature to make mistakes, you’re not a human without them. as long as you regret what you did, apologized, and attempt to fix what you’ve broken, then thats what matters. understand that you weren’t in a good state of mind, as well as under the influence. but also understand what you did hurt him, even if it wasn’t on purpose. give him time to trust you again, and as long as you both have mutual trust and respect for each other then i think everything will turn out okay for you both. i know what its like to make a mistake that ruins everything, and its a horrible feeling to know that if you didn’t do that one thing everything would have been okay. i’m still healing from that, and i hope you can too. stay strong !

[ruby matrix]

It was just a kiss. He overreacted.

[true plaza]

?? She mentioned that she made out with him. Even if it would’ve been a kiss, it’s completely reasonable to leave. He (hopefully) didn’t crash out.. I’m not blaming her for her mistake. But what he did was reasonable and something that most bfs would do.

However i support her and think she should be able to forgive herself as mistakes are human nature

[ruby matrix]

If you're an angsty teen, I guess.

[thick linden]

many people, not only teens would be very upset if they found out the person they were dating had kissed another person. if you think he overreacted, that’s your personal opinion. but i can imagine that he had felt hurt and betrayed when he found out. the fact that it was an accident or unintentional doesn’t change anything.

[pine oasis]

Honestly if he had any self respect for himself he wouldn’t take you back. Kissing a random man out of loneliness is insanity, you will have to learn to live with your consequences and let him go. Be better for the next one because he will never and when I say never he will never ever trust you again. You made your own grave with this one.

[pulsar mural]

thank u very much , i rly appreciate it

[pulsar mural]

making out but started off as a kiss

[pulsar mural]

i understand but like i said we r almost bk tgt now and things r doing great between us, it's like it never happened. i;ve faced this conversation with him many times bc i felt like it wasn't enough. we r both happy now and take it slowly. but yes, i understand what u r saying. i guess he never stopped loving me either, why else would he come back

[pine oasis]

As a man who has been through something similar, the thought of you doing that will always be in the back of his mind. I don’t know what his intentions are but when I went back to my ex I did her the worst way possible. I do hope things workout for you though.

[pulsar mural]

idk his intentions either but he does seem legit about it, i still hope he doesn't get me bk bc if he does i'd have a mental break down and go bk to drinking nd being a total whore

[pine oasis]

drinking fine but why the whoring lol

[pulsar mural]

bc it makes me feel useful for once

[stuck agate]

listen, u can find other ways to feel useful

if u attach whoring around to ur problems, u will only create new ones wont u?

in a future relationship, u go thru shit, u cant return to whoring

best u find a different cope early

pelase

[pine oasis]

ur more than a body bro

dont be the community ball

[pulsar mural]

Thank you, and yeah you r right

[pulsar mural]

Yeah but I used to be a whore and it made me stand out a lot, a lot of ppl knew me from it

[stuck agate]

my pleasure

[stuck agate]

its not a good thing to be known from...

[pulsar mural]

Yeah but still they were nice to me, but that’s in the past

[stuck agate]

exactly, leave it in the past

[pulsar mural]

Mind u I was only 15 when I was a whore

[stuck agate]

ye. not good

[pulsar mural]

It’s normal here to be a whore at that age

Sadly.

[stuck agate]

hmm

well

being normal aint always good

[pulsar mural]

True

[stuck agate]

yea

i assume u wanna be a parent one day?

[pine oasis]

they were nice just to get in your pants

soon as u give it up

nobody’s gives a damn about you

[pulsar mural]

Yes ofcourse

[pulsar mural]

Well luckily I never let anyone actually get inside of me, I’d just give head and do other stuff anything but having actual sex w strangers

[pulsar mural]

Well I wasn’t only known for being a whore I’d also steal a shit ton of alcohol from stores and make deals w ppl in trade for alcohol. So they also knew me as a thief nd fun girl bc every time I saw someone they’d see me while i was drunk

Nobody actually got to know me bc I was never sober

They found me funny and cool and generally wanted to be friends

but yeah now they r all addicts and im the only sober one

It doesn’t work out anymore.

[pine oasis]

well you are sober now

get out the cycle

stop giving people head

before one day u wake up with hsv 2

[pulsar mural]

I stopped months ago

[pine oasis]

because ur in a relationship or out of self love

[pulsar mural]

I did it for myself, I didn’t know I’d be in a talking stage now

[stuck agate]

hmm

[stuck agate]

see, kitti, it is the most painful way of thinking in life cuz it offends alot of ppl. but i use this method due to my own morals. I am an anti- casualsex person. I feel it shld be for ppl you love and cherish, its a connection of souls. may it be head or more. kissing ,sure i can understand but even then, why js do it w strangers. My idea is, when ur a parent, and ur gonna be a role model to ur child (s). How do u wanna be percieved. What u have done cant be undone, what you can do is change ur ways if tahts what u want. In the (hopefully not) reality ur child follows this path, u can guide them and be an example. It is a harsh way to percieve life but it is one that allows you to be 'better'. I follow it even tho i doubt i will be a parent, for if i am, i wont be guilty yelling at my kid for something I myself did

[twin wasp]

@pine oasis goated

[solid warren]

this has to be ragebait

[lime belfry]

@pulsar mural Don't beat yourself up over it too much. You did something bad, without question it was bad, but you've learned from it, said you quit drinking, and that you won't do it ever again and are trying to change. Imo that shows a lot of character and regret, and clearly your bf saw that and chose to forgive you cause of that. That alone forgives you in my eyes, the fact that the person you cheated on took you back and is accepting of you. Also, imo you should really remove the stuff you wrote on your discord bio too.