#My girl problems, M22

1 messages · Page 3 of 1

frank ledge
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||I think it made me very chatty and brought my gf and me closer together||

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||the meth is a first||

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||I started feeling some paranoia near the comedown or end of the high, just got so stuck in my own mind and head. unable to pay attention to what’s going on. general anxieties about my gf and me||

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||the meth was obviously to me more intense than the coke I did. lots more of the, euphoric, head in the clouds, hello heaven type high. over the coke that made me unable to stop moving and restless, a lot of energy||

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||I’ve done drugs a lot more intense than both those two combined and that’s even crazier to admit, mild stuff honestly||

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||lol… coke and meth. light work||

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||you know the drug goes hard when you sweat excessively when it starts to sit in. ohhh yeah||

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||I was breathing heavily doing those drugs and felt like I couldn’t swallow but yk that’s how it is||

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||the smell of that apartment room man lmfaoo y’all don’t wanna know what deed was done there|| <just this is nsfw, the rest is drug use

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||feet are cramping up just thinking about it||

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would be cool if I named this forum something like, ”High on love…”

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aha yea

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||could feel the drugs like squeeze ur brain a bit and there’s pressure all around ur head type shi yeh||

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freaky stuff

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yea I got brain cells to kill, nerves to fulfill

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lol

floral thorn
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Jake and drugs arc

frank ledge
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The relationship with my gf and me has become suddenly, very personal

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Something a lot deeper

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What a woman man

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My gf said to me “you look extremely high” and I said “just gotta lower my eyes a bit and there it’s masked” and she laughed out loud

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The people who do uppers know

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I get to my aunts house and I smell of ||condoms,|| cigs, her perfume - nsfw

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I remember just spraying my cologne all over my gfs pillow and some of her clothes splayed out on the bed while grinning stupidly

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and I mean I freaking reek of that ||lubey|| plastic dude - nsfw

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I just fly into my aunts place and start organizing everything

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but yeah had a great night something I may or may not remember

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The start

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Yeh

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That woman drives me crazy

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It’s hard for me to sleep because my heartbeat is going so fast

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But it’s also hard to sleep when you’ve had a lot of sex

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It’s that and the drugs

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I’m trying to get sleep but it’s hard with these racing thoughts

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I could feel her thinking about me it’s crazy

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Just thinking of all that stuff I did with her is making my mind run like I can’t sleep

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The hours pass by and you still haven’t slept

frank ledge
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Friday, July 18th
My gfs fucking crazy. That car crash she got into, and how much she speeds

frank ledge
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Saturday, July 19th 2025 6:30 AM

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I’m at my gfs apartment and she’s taking a nap atm

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I had gone to a bar and had fun with Jasmine and her. Then my gf left with me, and we went to her place to chill, smoke, do adult stuff

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We messed around so much tn

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I’m feeling lightheaded at the moment

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Earlier in the night I did cocain again with her

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So we’re all chatty, amped up, my clothes and stuff getting mixed with hers

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Jasmine had texted some guy to spend the night with her and asked of my gf and me to ditch her when he shows up

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I had done a couple rounds of shots at the bar and played a game of pool too

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My gf was like ok I’ll drive u to ur aunts place long as u cuddle me and give me a 1 hr nap

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Like 10 minutes into that, I get up and leave her room. Start sipping at coffee instead and chipping away at some protein bar she had laying around

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At this point I am TIRED

frank ledge
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Soo my gf had some shopping to do for her new apartment with her mom and I had other errands to run like working out my body

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I don’t know if

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I wanna say all the details but like

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oh in her bedroom and from her balcony she got curtains so ppl can’t look inside

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about sex, I think my gf might’ve done the opposite of what I told her to do during it yesterday night

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y’know, like “do this! don’t do that!”
then she goes and does what I told her not to do.

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like okay, whatever, but like she should know better

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I talked to her about it afterwards, and we sort of laughed it off

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she must’ve been a little lost in the moment lol

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nothing that I can’t handle, but what would make it an enjoyable experience for me too

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I’m gonna txt about my family rq. it’s hard for me to drive sometimes because my eyesight is not the best long distance

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that means I’ll see road signs at later times than other drivers.
I should probably have glasses, but my family disagrees with me getting a pair
They want me to be perfect. Have the perfect smile and teeth, the perfect eyes… it seems like we all can’t just have that though.

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I might have the smile. just not the eye sight / vision

frank ledge
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but yeah back to my gf and our drug habits, lol

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context warning but ||I did more cocain last night|| and we were both chatting our ass off

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||we’re both super wired talking about the faces drugs will give u, like
you HAVE TO have your eyes peeled back and all 3 of the whites showing
looking shocked/surprised with ur eyebrows raised for the rest of the night
either gritting your teeth or biting down like crazy or your jaw is hanging completely open LMAO
my girl was laughin when I was describing this, if u know u know||

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||that’s not what we looked at the time but it’s pretty funny lol||

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but anyways other than that

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my gfs been sharing these pictures of me on her instagram story and I’m the only freaking person who follows her because she made that account because of me

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it’s like my least attractive angle and me half naked and she sets that as her insta story

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like did I tell you that you can send that out orrr hahaha ur eyes only

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she just revoked that

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also uh

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I’m telling her I don’t wanna call because I’m tired and she keeps calling

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she also umm re-sent me a picture of me and digital pen/color covering my whole head/face, and she had the solid color filled caption, “luckiest girl alive” in all caps, separating the lower half of my body from the top half

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I hate how she scribbled out my whole face and just cropped the photo to my chest and abs

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the picture seems objectifying in the way it was cropped and made me feel a bit bad

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the way she drew over my head like super low effort in some vibrant color like hiding my identity too but if anyone saw that they’d know oh its jake lol

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and in the photo I was shirtless only wearing sweatpants and standing with my hands on my hips

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ugh

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she took that pic of me at this ugly fucking angle

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photos uglier than sin but whatever floats ur boat sweetie

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MY GF TALKS SOOOO MUCH MAN

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IM HOLDING ON FOR DEAR LIFE TO STAY AWAKE, SHE CALLS ME A FEW TIMES, I TELL HER, “I DONT WANNA CALL RIGHT NOW” SHE KEEPS CALLING ME TEXTING “Please Jake I know I have a motor mouth but please” I ACCEPT OK

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AND SHE KEEPS TALKING IM DYINGG JUST IN SILENCE I CANT EVEN SLIP A WORD IN

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IM SBOUT TO SAY, “Can I hang up now” LMFAOO ITS BAD

frank ledge
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my gfs pushing my limits

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a bit selfish idk

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like I’m telling you fucking wrap this conversation up I gotta go instead you won’t stop talking a thousand miles per hour

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I gotta get some sleep that she’s been taking from me for weeks

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I fucking let her sleep like 6-9 A.M. in the morning instead of leaving her apartment at that time, I woke up with her and had breakfast too

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like her voice is actually driving me crazy and making my head spin the headache is pounding

frank ledge
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and last night, she showed up to a bar, asked for a beer when she had no money, walked up to me and expected me to pay for her beer. I didn’t wanna pay for it because she was driving and she didn’t need more of it. she got super mad at me, and fucking stormed off at me and was shouting like “I got kicked out because I asked for a beer from the bartender but didn’t have money to pay! You didn’t give me money!”

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She’s CONVINCED she was kicked out. I told her to communicate with the bartender and shit. We both walk into the bar, I pay for her to have a drink. Before that, she looked like she had blown up into a rage and she was so angry at me she had stepped into her car and fucking pulled out and said “I’m leaving.” And kept telling me to leave.

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LIKE GODDAMN GIRL CAN I HAVE AN EMOTIONAL BREAK FROM U

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This phone call we’re both having is so one sided

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Lol but uhh during sex she said her heart was racing so fast she almost had a heart attack

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She old enough to have that happen

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Too much coke love

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Too much cock too

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I’m giving her the most annoyed frustrating stifled scoffs ever on the call because I’m just so tired and she’s not picking the right time to talk about some stuff but she still is

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she’s made some mistakes last night, with me, but she’s making them right

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like the way ur letting this convo continue for 30 mins

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the yap is overstimulating me at this point

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IM LIKE SIGHING DEEPLY BREATHING HEAVILY ON THE OTHER END TRYING TO CHILLOUT AND PAY ATTENTION

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LIKEPLEASEEE TAKE A HINT

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IF IM STILL IN THIS CALL IN THE NEXT 5 MINUTES I MIGHT PASS OUT OR BLOW UP

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JUST MY GF CHIRPING ALL LOUD AND LIVELY AND ENERGETICALLY NONSTOP IN MY EARS AT 12 AM WHILE IM FIGHTING TO STAY AWAKE AFTER A LONG NIGHT OF DRINKING, DOING LINES, AND DOING HER TOO

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the urge to say “I don’t fucking care” hangs up

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LMAOO I CANT THATS TOO MEAN

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finally the phone calls over

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a guy can fucking breathe

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she’s been making me a little mad ngl

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my gf recently was talking about other guys we both know I guess from school or campus which is where I met her

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and she brought up this 17 year old guy that she finds “very attractive” and somebody she would’ve gone for if she hadn’t went for me, lol.

chilly glacier
frank ledge
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at that moment I was pretty silent, maybe even a bit — I dunno. in the heat of realization… oh, this lady finds, underage boys attractive and would go out with or date them, apparently. and she constantly would bring up this guys name and say, “I didn’t know his age at first but since I know it’s under the age of consent then I’m not interested… since I met you.” like it’s weird

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my girlfriend? It’s like fuckkk I gotta worry about guys even younger than me? below the age of consent? somethings off about that.

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like ykkknowww she’s trouble.
I told her, “I know you like guys with some attitude. Troubles in school. The bad boy type.” She told me, “Yeah, like that 17 year old boy self harms and I like that about him because he’s clearly not perfect and has problems.” And she then went on to say about her age, “It’s like I’ve never gotten old. I’ve stayed young. I’ve had the same body since 2 decades ago.” I compared her to a vampire. And how she definitely needs to be sucking out my soul to bring the youth back in her, lol

frank ledge
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Sunday, July 20
I’m feeling so F* jealous of this guy my gf keeps bringing up. I hate it.

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The guy right above this message, yep. Lol. He’s f**king 17. Like really?

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Like why should this even be a consideration of my girl looking at him when he’s that young.

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My girl problems, M21

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I WENT TO HIGHSCHOOL WITH HIM

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CRAZY

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AND HE’S THE ONE THAT CALLS HER A PEDO TOO

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I BET SHE LIKES THAT HE CAN SEE RIGHT THROUGH HER

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LIKE SO CAN I BUT HAHA I UHH DONT MENTION IT BUT I COULD

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He wears these blue eye contacts and has his whole head bleached blonde, the kid, he accepts car rides from Raya sometimes.

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He has an STD, and I think it’s permanent, down there. Soo…

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Of course she likes that f**king fake ass look he has going for him. Fake eye color, dead hair, concave, hell. This is bringing out the worst in me. It’s even worse that he’s underage.

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It fills me with anger. I don’t wanna make this forum post title “I’m dating a predator” y’know? Haha… ha……..

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It’s so low of me to insult this 17 year old boy like that, but he’s smarter than me for staying away from her. Nothing wrong with the unnatural look, he’s fairly good looking.

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Like yea you better stay away from that boy, for more reasons than just my jealousy, if you don’t wanna go to jail

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I’m gonna tell her to stay the hell away from him. Give a death stare or something.

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I sent Raya pictures of me when I was a teenager and I had this crazy vibrant red hair with an eyebrow piercing. I looked more interesting, honestly. She told me to put some red and black streaks in my hair and I might.

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On some real sh**, I care about that 17 year old boy. I’ve known him since highschool. He was doing ketamine and coke since he was like, 15. I remember picking flowers for him, so he can give it to his gf back when we were in highschool. Told him I was worried about him back then. He looks different nowadays. He used to have this light brown hair, lighter eyes, can’t remember his eye color honestly since it’s covered with blue contacts now.

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Looks like he’s going for the uhh… perfect American boy, look.

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Notice how I’m calling him a boy and not a man.

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Yea, that’s a f**king kid I’m talking about, that Raya checks out, and is attracted to.

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The way I was LOOKING at Raya when she brought up his name. Like the most intense stare ever. I don’t think I blinked for minutes straight after she said his name.

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I lowkey miss, the more extreme look I had when I was a bit younger. I had to tone down my appearance because I didn’t only stick out like a sore thumb, but it was hard for me to get a job, and people weren’t taking me seriously.

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And yeah, I used to have an eyebrow piercing, lol. I still have a nose ring.

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Never mentioned my piercings before but it’s a part of my physical appearance.

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Raya said she might get a motorcycle license. Both her parents used to ride. They met through their love for motorbikes actually. I said, uhh, not sure about that. Hahaha. I don’t think I trust my gf with a motorbike. Like how many people do you honk at when you’re driving? I lose count.

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She’ll drive high off weed, alcohol, meth, coke, doesn’t matter to her. She’s criminal.

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The red hair and eyebrow piercing was so f**king tough lmao. I miss that. Yep.

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My whole head, just a flaming, fiery, blood red.

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People treated me like a freakazoid with that hair though, and it stained any shirt or sheet that was light colored.

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Like look at me changing some of my appearance to woo this chick that’s already mine and a lot older than me. Hell. I never thought I’d bleach and dye my hair again.

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It’s for me too though. I’ve been getting bored with how I look. Might’ve toned down a bit too much

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My hair color back then was as bright as those hearts people gave me on this forum post.

frank ledge
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LIKE BACK UP SON, IVE GOT 4-5 YEARS OF AGE ON YOU.

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Plus, I think that 17 year old boy might be gossiping about me. Or texting his friends, “I’m so worried about Jake. I think he’s dating that 44 year old woman and being groomed.” And he should stay out of it. I’m handling that 40 year old ass pretty well in bed if I do say so myself.

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Notice how my social circle has the age range of.. 16-25 year olds mostly? Rayas friend circle has mostly… 30-50 year olds.

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Yup…

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Like oh, “she’s a pedo, you know that right?” Uhh… the truth ain’t that far from it.

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Also, Raya goes to the same f**king school as me.

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We talked about how she wants to be public about dating me and I’d rather keep it a secret but I might have to publicize it. Which will cause an uproar in my school, Raya already had a 16 year old boy go to the principal and complain and say she’s a pedo/predator. That’s apart of her rep now.

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People are gonna go crazy over, not only who I’m dating, but her age. People will hate me, I can feel the judgment already.

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I’m sorry but it’s already obvious. Her and I walk in sync and our body language is already becoming a symmetrical dance.

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My family though? F**k. They wouldn’t approve. If she came to my aunts house saying she was my girlfriend, my sisters would fly out the door holding baseball bats and chase her down the street.

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WHAAAT? FKING 44 YEARS OLD? HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND JAKE? IM CALLING THE COPS ON THIS BCH, AND GETTING A RESTRAINING ORDER FOR YOU AND HER. THIS WILL NEVER HAPPEN. EVER. SWALLOW THAT PILL NOW.

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Is probably what they’d all say.

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Yeah, my sisters, plural. They’re all a couple years older than me too. And super judgy about everything I do.

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F**k, Jasmine is messaging my phone right now. Saying, “WDYM YOU HOPE YOU DONT HAVE TO SHARE WITH UR FAMILY THAT SHES UR GF?!?”

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When Raya and me were getting ice cream together, some guy had sat next to us, and started listening to Lana Del Rey out loud. I’m not even kidding.

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On some random day that I might’ve not documented.

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We need a male version of Lana Del Rey or something.

frank ledge
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People say, they love our heights together. Raya and me are like TOWERINGGGG above everybody else lmao.

frank ledge
# frank ledge At this point I am TIRED

At the bar, two days ago, hell, did I even document that night? Yeah, I did.
A guy came up to her a few inches shorter and was like, “You’re sooo tall… how tall are you…?” He was super drunk, and I sort of got jealous there too. He was checking out my gf, stumbling around while she lit a cigarette.

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I looked at him and was like, “Oh yeah, you wanna know her height? What’s 2+2.” And I grabbed her.

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Fking drunk fker, complimenting my girls height and pointing it out. Getting all close to me and her.

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The guy was like baffled, shocked, stunned at my height and hers. I’m like staring the guy down. I was shouting at him with every word I spoke that night.

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By the time he could guess my height, “UHH WHUTZ UR HEIGHT TEW? SIX FOOT TEW? THRWEE? FOU-“ Just a f**king punch across the face by the time he gets it right.

frank ledge
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I’m not the only jealous one. Haha. When we were at a bar that same day, on Saturday, 19th we had gone to a few bars actually. At this other one, one of her drunk friends started staggering towards me and trying to get up on me I guess. Raya noticed and said out loud, “If she gets too close to you, you can elbow her in the face or shove her.” She had gone up to the girl, whispered in her ear, “Don’t get close to him.” She was walking around, swinging her arms around, saying, “She better watch out, because I’ll f**k her up.”

frank ledge
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Most guys aren’t even Rayas height or taller. So, I could see why she had rushed over to get to know me at school I guess.

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Even Trinitys tall as hell for men, she’s like 5’9? 5’10? But Raya is a few inches above her in comparison.

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Jasmine? Tiny. 5’2? I could look right ahead and over her.

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Jillian’s maybe 5’6.

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But yeah, a crazy highlight of her and mines relationship so far is getting the cops called on us during clothing shopping.

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Some guy told the workers to call the cops on us, “HMM A SUSPICIOUSLY SALACIOUSLY DRESSED YOUNG MAN WITH THIS SKETCHY OLD LADY… LOOKS LIKE AN ODD RELATIONSHIP. PLEASE GET THE COPS OVER HERE TO INVESTIGATE.” HA-HA

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SHE HAD HALF HER BODY IN THE MALES DRESSING ROOM AND THE OTHER HALF OUT. NOT TO MENTION WE WERE SLAPPING EACH OTHERS ASSES, I REMEMBER I BROKE A FEW ZIPPERS IN THERE ACCIDENTALLY AND SHE BROUGHT UP MY D!CK IN FRONT OF THE WORKERS

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UHHH… IS THAT A MALE ESCORT RIGHT THERE? WHY DOES THAT LADY DRESS 20 WHEN SHE HAS GREY HAIR AND VEINS PROTRUDING?

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I remember I left the house that morning and had my aunt saying, “Isn’t that shirt a bit too revealing?” LOL. YEAHHH…

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HERE HAHAHAHA OHHH MY GODDDD

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WHEN I TRIED A PAIR OF PANTS ON THAT I REALLY LIKED, THEY WERE A BIT TOO TIGHT, I COULDNT EVEN GET THEM ABOVE THE THIGH AND SUDDENLY, THEY FALL APART LOL.

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LIKE THEY LITERALLY, FELL APART.

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A WHOLE METAL ROD CAME OUT OF THEM, I DIDNT EVEN KNOW THEY HAD RODS IN JEANS. NOT MY ROD, BUT THE MATERIAL TORE TO SUCH A DEGREE ALL OF A SUDDEN

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LIKE THE JEANS WERE F**KING OBLITERATED ACTUALLY ANNIHILATED AFTER KNEE LEVEL IT WAS FUNNY BUT I HAD TO PIECE THEM BACK TOGETHER AND I DIDNT TELL ANYONE THAT I BROKE THEM BY ACCIDENT

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JUST… Zzzrrrrripppppp… POP! BANG… WHOP… HAHAHAHAHA

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IM SORRY I WONT BE PAYING FOR THESE MISS, THEYRE A BIT UH, TOO TIGHT. THANKS.

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IM LIKE IN THE DRESSING ROOM, TRYING TO TUCK THE METAL ROD BACK IN, THE SEAMS ARE DESTROYED, ZIPPERS ACROSS THE ROOM, I WAS SO SAD, I LIKED THE JEANS SO MUCH.

frank ledge
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Hello

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Monday, July 21
I’m gonna start this off by saying, I went to Jasmines place today. She had called me and said she wanted to let me know, that ||Raya called her, and started boasting about how she had sex with me and how she wanted to film it, how she may have not listened to me when I told her to slow down and she started f**king me faster.||

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Today has been an absolute wreck for me.

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Jasmine recorded EVERYTHING, and that’s why she told me to come over. I listened to the recordings and Raya was saying really sexual things about us and exposing our entire sex life. I was embarrassed in front of Jasmine to say the least.

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And then Jasmine told me, that she told Trinity. At that point, I knew I was screwed, socially.

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So now Trinity knows of me dating Raya, and Trinity gets so worried about me apparently that she stops eating, sleeping, for days thinking about me, because Jasmine told Trinity about how Raya is an unsafe driver, does meth and is offering me some around homeless people, and didn’t listen to me during sex when I told her to slow down, yep…

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If it couldn’t get worse from here, Trinity starts to believe that I was r@ped by Raya under the influence of drugs. Trinitys now saying, “He can’t give you consent! He’s off drugs and inebriated!, Raya r@ped him!”

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Trina messaged my aunt after asking for her number through Jasmine and texted my aunt, “I’m worried about Jake. He is smoking and drinking a lot and not in the right mental space. He’s dating a 44 year old that is taking him far away to do meth with homeless people. Raya asked him to film them having sex and he can’t give consent if he’s on drugs that Raya has. Jake said he’s considered doing meth but Jasmine said hard pass. I have a 10 minute recording of Raya saying she kept going during sex even when Jake said not to.”

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Yup. That call Raya had with Jasmine, was Raya saying, “He told me to slow down but I went faster.” And Trinity perceived that as r@pe, and messaged my f**king aunt about it.

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My aunt calls me, and is saying, “Why is your friend Jasmine and your ex girlfriend Trinity so worried about you? Is this all true that Raya is dating you, that she’s attracted to you, and that she’s doing drugs and is an unsafe driver?” Guess what,
I had to lie, about everything.

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In order to protect my girlfriend and her relationship with me, I had to lie about it all and I told my aunt that it’s just rumours, that none of it is true, and that Raya isn’t even my girlfriend but just a friend who sometimes likes to hold hands with me. My aunt said it was strange to see such an older lady hanging out with guys who were barely legal.

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I realized fast that being with Raya was turning me into a liar. My aunt called me a dishonest person. Jasmine told Trinity that I lied to my aunt about spending time at Jasmines house over night and that I had actually ditched her at the bar to spend the night with Raya instead which is true. Trinity leaked that info to my family and my aunt called me a dishonest person.

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I had called up Trinity after finding all this out, and was aggravated at her. I told her, “YOU STAY OUT OF MY LIFE, JUST WHO DO YOU THINK YOURE TALKING TO? DONT OVERESTIMATE YOUR POSITION OR WHAT YOU MEAN TO ME.”
It was an intense phone call, especially from my end, because I was so pissed, but she’s somewhat in the right.
Trinity calmly told me, “Sorry for caring about you and being worried.”
I shouted at her on the phone, “STOP CARING.”
I had told her a lot more, and Jasmine even convinced me to tell Trina to show up at a near by bar that we were both walking towards to drink at for the night. To which she did show up.

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Jasmine and Trina, their view on the relationship with Raya and me.

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Trinity had told me, “I’m deeply in love with you, you know? Rayas a pedophile, and you’re too dumb to see that. She’s grooming you, and you don’t see anything wrong with the fact she’s 44?”

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So now Jasmine has a 9 minute recording of Raya saying, “I f*ked Jake! I’ll promise to keep his d**k wet and not his eyes wet!” It’s Rayas fault for also not having any confidentiality with me. Like hello? Kiss and tell? She said she wouldn’t say anything but she told Jasmine who told Trina my ex.

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This is awful. My aunt is so skeptical, and thinks I was r@ped by my girlfriend who she doesn’t even know is my girlfriend because I keep lying.

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It’s all just caving in on me slowly, haha… but, Rayas fun, and despite how crazy and unstable she is, I like her, and I don’t know how to stop liking her even after all her flaws are making parts of my life blow up.

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Jasmine had told me at the bar, “What’d you expect? You started dating a 44 year old woman 1 month into knowing her.” I bet when I go back to school, I’m gonna be known as the biggest man wh0re around, and I’m gonna hate it. I’ll be getting whispered about, being called names, dirty looks, it’s just the risk I gotta take.

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But yeah… when Raya and me were having sex, I told her to go slower once and she went faster instead. She told Jasmine about that on a phone call and it was being recorded. Jasmine tells Trina, and suddenly Trina says that’s r&pe, but it wasn’t, I consented, but even I didn’t share that I had done coke and some… other stuff that night.

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Goddamn you, Trina. Ruining my life one step at a time.

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All the girls clashed together today.

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My aunt said, “So Trina’s lying about Raya doing all this to you? I should get a restraining order against Trina. Who does she think she is. Either that or she cares about you a lot.” Because I’m the one who lied.

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My aunts then going on about, “Someone in this crowd is a liar and I’ll find out who they are.” Yikes. Uh, might be me.

frank ledge
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Stress, I guess.

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Raya told me she blocked Jasmine and don’t wanna be friends with her anymore after she sent Trina, my aunts phone number.

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I hung out with both Jasmine and Trina today.

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Honestly I’m looking a bit skinnier than usual haha.. ha…

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Stuff was very tense between Trina and me. I had about 12 shots, 4 long islands, and I was treating her too coldly. Trinity kept saying to me, “You are an evil guy.” Throughout the night…

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But, Trinity looks physically better, healthier. She said she stopped doing drugs and she’s 6 months clean from coke. Unlike me, who just started doing it with his new girlfriend.

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I was being such an asshole to Trina, I don’t know what hit me, honestly. It was because I was angry at her after she messaged my aunt. I even blew my smoke into her face a few times when she told me she loved me. She’s a harbinger of toxicity.

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At times, Trina was getting pretty close to me and shoving her finger in my face, shouting loudly. We were making a scene at the bar that everyone chose to ignore.

#

Trina said to me, “Have some self respect for yourself. You’re dating a 44 year old woman and she doesn’t even love you, she’s taking advantage of you and using you, because you’re still a kid. I’m 4-5 years older than you Jake and I know that.”

#

I can tell how upset she is. Like she’s disappointed in me and who I’ve become, maybe she wasn’t expecting the person that I am now.

#

Trina: “Even I felt like a pedo for liking you and I’m 25. But then I see this girl, and I’m like holy sh*t. She’s old enough to be your mom.”

#

Jasmine said to me, “If you break up with Raya now and get back with Trina you’d be an even bigger asshole. She loves you so much but you don’t love her back.”

#

Trina had said out loud in the bar, “You’re not in your right mind, you’re asking to be molested by 40 year old women.” I called her disgusting.

#

When I first saw Trina, her face was just full of anger at me. Shouting and aggression. She was turning f*king red, pissed, while bringing up Raya and what she heard about from Jasmine. “I’m sorry for being so concerned about your safety, and how your gf almost got you and Jasmine killed in a car crash while speeding off meth. Don’t you want better? Have standards for yourself.” For once, she seemed to be making sense, somewhat.

#

She said, “Oh yeah, by the way, I can type proper English.” And handed me her iPhone messages, which showed what she sent my aunt verbatim about Raya.

#

Raya is also heard on that 9 minute call, saying, “The rules of consent have changed nowadays. You can have sex and the other person will say no halfway through and you’ll have to stop, I don’t know about that, haha.” As in Raya is saying she doesn’t understand that type of consent where you can say yes and then still say no halfway through, exposing an odd sense of consent. Which came on display when I told her to slow down, and she went faster instead.

#

Goddd….

#

Raya on call told me that if she sees Trinity in person, she would beat the f*k out of her. I told her not to hurt anybody.

#

I notice when I’m with Raya a feeling of being lost in my life comes over me.

#

Raya had also called Jasmine this morning and… asked her for a threesome out of nowhere. We turned it down. Uhh, yeah

#

At the end of the day, I’m a bit sick, of everybody, and some of the day feels like a bad dream that I can’t wake up from.

#

I couldn’t help but notice that Raya is a magnet for cops because she does criminal things. I don’t see a successful future with her. I have a feeling she’ll wound me up in jail.

#

Raya just has a whole different vibe, man. She’s so strange. Can tell she’s been places and life’s already left it’s marks on her. I like her type of crazy, but others are now fearing for my own life.

#

Like god ughh, could you leave me alone and let me do my meth with my 44 year old girlfriend who’s probably grooming me..

#

Scary, right.

#

I fear someone might be reporting Raya and me to the police or has already in the past 42 hours.

frank ledge
#

No one did.

#

Tuesday, July 22nd 2025
I have urges to message my ex gf Trina “Fuck you”

#

I told Jasmine, to tell Trina, to stay the fuck away from me and Raya

#

Raya told me we should lay low, and that she’ll get back with me in 2 weeks maximum. But I have a feeling we’ll see each other before that.

#

“Sorry for caring about you Jake.” - Trina
I wish she didn’t

#

My relationship with Raya won’t be completed unless we eat a pack of sauced up hot barbecue wings together over a bottle of wine with a sunset ahead of us

#

LOOK AT MY EX GIRLFRIEND TRINA GETTING IN THE WAY OF ME AND RAYA

#

TRINAS LIKE A WASP YOU TRY TO SWAT AWAY AND IT KEEPS COMING BACK TRYING TO STING YOU FOR NO REASON

#

NOW I HAVE A HOT 5’10 ROCKER CHICK TRYING TO RUIN MY RELATIONSHIPS AND LIFE LOL

#

Jasmine won’t stop telling me, how much Trinity is in love with me. TRINA HASNT SEEN ME IN 3 MONTHS.

#

Like no, you don’t love me, we barely did anything, you don’t know me, GET BACK HAHAHA

#

Please don’t sentence me to date nights of playing mortal kombat and call of duty with you in your bedroom everyday while I eat sushi off the body

#

I cant do it

#

Disgusting, warning

#

EVERYTHING WAS SO GOOD UNTIL TRINA COMES IN

#

GODDAMNITTTT

#

AND JASMINE THAT BACKSTABBING LITTLE *******

#

SHE GAVE TRINA THE PHONE NUMBER

#

“B-b-but… Trina’s so pretty, of course I’m gonna listen to her…”

#

LIKE WJAT? UOU ARENG JEALOIS OF HER ANYMORE?????!!

#

TRINITY REALLY… DOES NOT LIKE RAYA.

#

LIKE OHHH NOOOO 44 YEARS OLD THE WORLD IS COMING APART, YK?

#

OUUU SO SCARY… METH…

#

MY PRE WORKOUT DOES MORE, LIKE, STFU

frank ledge
#

Trina’s kinda hot but she needs to stay out of my way seriously

frank ledge
#

July 23 2025, Wednesday
I love Raya my gf

#

nsfw,,, warning ||sex||
||Raya fucks so good I remember doing her all night||

#

||The physical attraction is definitely there. I look healthier after fucking her, lmao. Skins glowing and everything||

#

||idk if I could turn it down honestly, the lies I’d be willing to tell to be with that||

#

||the back dimples are deepening lol she’s so hot||

#

||it’s even hotter to me that she does drugs and will share them with me then we go at it all night||

#

||she feels like heaven||

#

All of that is nsfw above this msg btw

#

I told her recently that I’ll be willing to put up with how the world sees us because I care about her

#

and that I won’t just throw her to the side when things get hard but I’ll face it head on

#

I remember trinity said “You’re just dating her for attention! You’re pathetic.”

#

But that’s just untrue, I’m dating her because I like who she is

#

Raya swung by my place today and spoke to me over a MJ cig, told to her that I don’t like Trina. AKA my ex.

#

Trina cares… she’s nice… healthier… but I’ll take the chick that almost accidentally killed me. Unapologetically reckless, wild, and uncontrollable, perfect

#

I know I’m crazy in my own way. I’m attracted to craziness. What can I say?

#

I even told Raya how I like how freely she acts even if it’s dangerous or risky, and that I’ve been those ways with her too. I feel so edgy, for being rude or passive aggressive to my ex gf, I shock myself, like a past version of me wouldn’t have reacted to her in such a dismissive way. Raya makes me a colder person in order to protect her and what we have.

#

She’s so bad. She’s awful.

#

My hearts took.

#

She’s one to remember, hahaha

#

That girl that was once in my life. Her name starts with a C. She ruined me, back then. She has patch work tattoos all over her body, some type of designer, photographer, social media influencer. I know her and I both miss each other. I sometimes naively think to myself that was supposed to be my wife one day, from how similar we were. But she’s superficial on the inside.

#

Mm, yeah. She still has a similar style to me or one that’s compatible in comparison. But let bygones be bygones.

#

C is actually, my age. Yeah. For once. But I lost her, I did.

#

That woman did damage to me. In no way the others have.

#

I’m still getting my shit together after she left my life, I know that would put a smile on her face that she hurt me greatly, but I had hurt her too even if I didn’t want to. She’s a vicious one

#

Healing from her still till this day… I know she thinks about me because I can feel when she does. I remember blocking her phone number in the past and ended up ripping my hair out in the next few hours. Hahaha.

#

Like not having her was hard for me, I guess. I learnt a lot from being alone, she didn’t want me to have any other friends when she was my friend and it was a weirdly possessive dynamic. Everyone thought we were dating back then.

#

Since C had left my life I suppose it went downhill from there. Careless for myself and what trouble I winded myself in. But besides that… I’m good nowadays, I’m fine.

#

I can’t blame anything on that girl just because she was emotionally unavailable for me and couldn’t be there when I got caught on some drugs I didn’t wanna put down

frank ledge
#

The devil couldn’t reach me so they sent me a 44 year old woman with a ||m3th and cocain|| drug habit

frank ledge
#

Thursday, July 24
2:00 AM, late at night
I’m tired of texting people horribly about my ex girlfriend, she’s been upsetting me lately. I’m trying to keep my cool and maturity but she oversteps boundaries with me and it creates obstacles in my life and problems that I don’t need.

#

She refuses to mind her business, and she’s so in love with me apparently according to her and my friend Jasmine. It’s unhealthy how much Trina desires me in a romantic relational way, and toxic. If someone doesn’t want you, you should leave them alone. But she’s trying to involve herself in my life.

#

I know what she’ll say already, to me telling her to control her feelings. She’s already said, “I’m sorry for caring about you. I’m sorry for loving you.”

frank ledge
#

I’m scared what my family will have to say about Raya when I tell them that she’s not only my girlfriend but I’ve been making love to her for about a month or a couple.

#

She’s soo freaky.

#

It’s the age though. F**k. They’re gonna give me lectures till the day I die about this, and ask of me to befriend her instead.

#

Like noo, haha, I can’t just be only friends with her. We both wouldn’t just lose feelings over night in a snap, because family says it shouldn’t be. Even my aunt knows, she’s seen through me since the start. She even told me to be safe and use protection so she doesn’t end up pregnant, tonight.

#

When I found out Trina texted my aunt… I ask of god respectively to blow the planet up, immediately

#

Like I’m literally of legal age, and people don’t care. We’re allowed to be together.

#

I already know, all my sisters in my aunts house, are going to be calling me dumb, ||slvt|| shaming me, you know what, everyone in this world can hate me, I’m gonna live regardless.

#

LOL THIS WORLD STUCK WITH ME WHETHER THEY LIKE ME OR NOT

#

TOO BAD FOR THE REST OF THEM.

#

Like I… cant give too much of a f**k what anyone thinks to a certain point I just don’t want consequences for having fun.

#

Until something affects me that’s when it’s a problem.

#

Right after I tell my aunt and family about how my gf is 44, I will be then saying there are tattoos I want to get. Just to double the situation, might as well just shoot that out to. Hahaha

#

Like yeah while you’re already majorly disappointed in me let me give you more reasons

#

I’m always like oh noo why does everything in my life go wrong and then my friends are the sketchiest most unhinged people ever

simple hazel
#

yayaya live your life ig lmao

#

everyone does crazy shit in their life, as long as you don't regret it in the long run then, it is what it is, if your paradise is chilling with some crazy 44 year old going where the wind takes you, then sit back relax and enjoy the coconut in your hand but just make sure to keep an eye out in the sky for any storms floating over because if they do your screwed, your on a tiny island enjoying life, one wrong cloud and its over.

frank ledge
#

Some cucumber slices over my eyes. Can’t be worried about a thing.

#

Thursday, July 24th 9:00 PM EST
I just got to my family’s place after a day of hanging out with my girlfriend, Raya.
She drove me to her apartment, we did something spicy or in other words sexual nsfw ||we had sex, was a bit rough to say the least, haha.|| She made dinner for me that I ate, the spiciest dish ever. She appreciated me trusting her, to eat her food.
She talked about buying a pet python, that’s cool.
Jasmine talked to me about wanting to get tattoos done with me.
Tonight’s the night… they say nowadays. I’m going to be telling my aunt that I have a girlfriend and that I’m sorry for lying this whole time about it. I’ve given my family trust issues in the past, this lying habit of mine. If her ages an issue, it’s legal, so they’ll have to accept it whether they like my gf or not.

simple hazel
frank ledge
#

I think Trinity, might be manipulating me into being more of an honest person. I hate to admit.

#

I spoke a bit with my aunt… she’s like my mother figure in my life. She was on board with me having a girlfriend but once I shared that she’s 44, my aunt said, “It’s worse than I thought. I can give you an entire list of why you should break up with her.” I started laughing, while digging at some yogurt with a spoon.

#

My aunt said she still has things to say to me.. and the rest of the family must know soon. I escaped her for only a bit, to go workout. To soothe the tense feelings.

#

But my aunt, already spoke like she knew that Raya was my gf before I told her. She’d constantly ask questions of whether or not we were attracted to each other or dating, and I denied it, but I finally admitted the truth. I mean, I’m coming home to my families place all sweaty, clothes thrown on, like yeah uhh… it was sports! Not what it looks like. Is.

frank ledge
#

She knew I was talking to my aunt tonight about how she’s my girlfriend

#

While I was dabbing it on… I noticed one side of my neck a whole shade paler than the rest. At that point, I said screw it, I put it over my chest, shoulders, and face too to blend it in.

#

It’s not new that I’ve shown up at home with hickeys, Trinitys given me them in the past.

#

Raya wanted me to tell my family that we’re not screwing or having ||sex.|| I agreed to tell that lie. But this hickey… is so contradicting, of this lie she wants me to tell. Haha, like she wanted to make it trickier for me to hide our sexual relationship.

frank ledge
#

Friday, July 25th - 2:00 AM
I don’t think my relationship with Raya is going to age well. Or age at all, people disagree with the age gap including my family.
My aunt told me to stay away from my “friends” aka the girls for now, but it’s my life and my rules, however I respected that request until the weekends over.
Today was mundanely intense. NSFW warning for ||sex|| and ||drugs|| ||I had the most roughest sex ever with my gf and the spiciest ramen in existence to go with. I told her while I was eating the hot food that it was bringing out more of a physical reaction in me than the drugs we both did together||

#

||the sex literally hurt and so did that ramen it was just a day of pure pain but I can’t lie I enjoyed the day with her||

#

||I think handing me that bowl of spicy ramen was the most sadistic thing she could’ve done yet||

#

Raya had made me some hot ramen today and I was SWEATING, nose was running, eyes tearing, lips numb, like no way this woman eats that casually, I’m not even being paid for eating that, that’s the type of shit you eat in a contest or competition to win money for

#

Like.. what’re you cooking back there? Hell? In a bowl?

#

Type of shi you get paid to eat 💀

frank ledge
#

Saturday, July 26th 1 AM EST

#

Six missed calls from my gf, Raya.

#

I don’t wanna sour the joy of this forum but there’s something serious that I think I should address. TW for ||grooming||

#

NSFW warning ||sexual relations||

frank ledge
#

||I’m going to say, I’m very uncomfortable with that idea. I told her no.||

#

It’s not only illegal but that’s indirectly admitting, to her being a predator and or a ||pedo||

#

Her saying she wanted ||to have sex with an underage boy|| chipped away at my love for her fast.

#

That made me also concerned for… society, and younger boys that are present in both of our lives, guys who are my friends too that are minors still. ||It makes me question how many other minors she’s gone for.||

#

It makes me feel uneasy, and anxious to process, and proceed from here. I’ve come to realize that morals and legality have to be balanced. What makes her ‘fun’ is the attraction for younger people, but may also be signs of mental illness

#

Yeah, I feel this sudden pressure on me too, to keep people protected from her. I feel sad too. I knew that I couldn’t condone that fantasy of hers, but she’s old enough to know right from wrong. People in my life are worried about me currently and believe our relationship is unsafe and weird.

#

Now, it’s like, how will I proceed? What will I do as a person, knowing that my girlfriend has predatory ambitions

#

I observe myself… I’m a younger man, 21, I struggle with mental illness that makes me vulnerable to the world around me at times, it doesn’t always show but it still affects my perception, actions, and decision making.

#

I don’t think she’ll touch him, honestly. The boy stays away from her, and calls her a ||pedo|| publicly, out of fear of her. I have shared, ||he has a transmittable infection sexually|| and that’ll make my girlfriend stay away from him too.

#

She wouldn’t forgive me if I got her arrested. I don’t doubt that she might endanger me if she comes out of jail either.

#

I’ll take it, go on

#

There’s a strong possibility that I’m going to have to break up with her. I don’t think I want to take this any further. I’d be cautious about it. I also feel, confusion, about who I’m with and what type of love I’m experiencing.

#

I appreciate your messages, it’s become common to hear these words, over and over again.

#

I’m sorry to hear that. I believe this woman takes advantage of people in her own way, younger adults and or kids. Those with mental issues, too, or “imperfections” she calls it. That way you’re more susceptible and influential.

#

I believe at the moment, the world is calling for me to reside with higher morals. ||That her attraction to kids is criminal, and it’s a stretch into, pedophilia. Which has me distraught, and I almost feel crushed, because this is a person who I genuinely liked.||

#

I’m starting to believe that her perversion towards younger guys is mentally ill, and she shows traits of narcissism to me. Came off as wildly charismatic, offering me “grandiose dreams” she calls it, and anything under the Sun.
Much as I’d like to exclude myself from who she’s shown interest in that is ‘too young’ for her, I may be one of her targets, even as a legal adult.

#

People in my life are also very affected by the relationship between my girlfriend and me. I have friends that admit to not sleeping, have trouble eating, and are getting sick off stress just from considering aspects of my girlfriend and me.

#

Being with my gf is indirectly causing me to isolate myself from those who care about me too. To disagree with them and turn down their concerns.

#

It’s screwing with me now, honestly. To see it for what it is, how far I’ve come with her already. Our relationship had also quickly become ||sexual|| to where that’s what we are mostly doing now, because she had charmed me by taking me out on different occasions quickly. Our relationship was in acceleration since I knew her and that’s a part of her plans, was to move fast as she could.

#

Well, asking for a ||thr33some with a minor|| might be my breaking point, honestly. I think I’ve just about had it after this texting, and some talks with the mother figure in my life.

#

There’s so many signs around me, that this relationship shouldn’t be continued or pursued. If it will be, I’d fear for my future.

#

That’s what it feels like yeah, a cycle. One that I’ve been taking part of. I must recognize my own role in this, and the person she’s shaping me into as well.

#

I can’t just ignore, the worlds opinion of her, and the red flags she’s shown. ||If I had said yes to having sex with her and that minor I would be guilty by association and would have become, just like her, a predator.||

#

Of course I didn’t, I wouldn’t, the thought of that disgusts me.

frank ledge
#

Makes my skin crawl a bit. That I’ve been with this girl for a few months.

#

I need a new girlfriend, ASAP.

#

Honestly, it’s also hard to just decide that you no longer want someone anymore, because who they’re attracted to is not legal and premature

#

Yeah, I’ll have to. I told her on call tonight that if she finds someone around her age or in their 30s, she can drop me and go for them instead. All she did was laugh out an exaggerated and sarcastic, “Ha.” As in that would be hard for her.

#

Might have to break up with her, then I’ll go and take some dance classes, male strip courses, I’ll get the experience of magic mike after she’s out of my life because she was damn good at dancing. That way I’d had learned something. Ha ha.

#

Jokes.

#

She’d invite me out to some big dreams. Say she wants to vacay with me, told her I don’t trust her enough for that yet. I don’t wanna end up missing, y’know.

#

Might go smoke some devils lettuce, listen to trap music. Just weed out the negative feelings I’m having about it. Try to get over her before I chin up to breaking up with her.

#

The love craze is dying down, I can only hope. I’d say I’m a tad hypnotized by love. Hopefully I can get out of this frenzy of lust

#

Break away from being a slave to the physical world

frank ledge
#

Well, that’s awkward
That’s why I’m breaking up with her

frank ledge
#

3:00 AM

#

I’m gonna break up with Raya

#

Don’t have a specific time for it yet but it’ll be soon

#

Just having a smoke, atm

#

Soo…

#

I was passionate about Ray. Heartbroken.

#

Our relationship was about two months long. Whatever.

#

It’s good that I don’t get attached to people easily, just a small trait of mine

#

8 hearts?
Wow, on this forum post

#

My aunts name is uh Lilith

#

If anyone was wondering I’ll be calling her that instead of aunt

#

I should give Trina a call and make sure she’s ok since she thought Raya was hurting me ig

frank ledge
#

Anyway

#

I don’t have to censor that because I called it a synonym, right ?

frank ledge
#

I’m gonna bring up Jasmine for a moment, she’s my friend but she gets scarily jealous, and Trina isn’t someone I’d wanna go back to, not much of a friend to her

#

To put clearly

frank ledge
#

5:00 AM
So many feelings of nostalgia are washing over me

#

Like my first kiss and body or whoever I did it with

#

That’s from childhood

#

I see why people wait to do that stuff

#

Because when you do it so much, it kind of gets old

frank ledge
#

I still miss C till this day. She was anything I could’ve dreamed of

#

She was like a, girl version of me

#

I don’t talk about her much… I respect her enough to keep her out of my mind nowadays, but I’ve also moved on

#

She’s nostalgic for me to think about too.

#

I think I might’ve scared her away forever and or we’re just not crossing paths

#

I used to be so stupid and wasn’t sober most the time

#

I noticed I don’t have much of her. Or an object to remember her by, and although that’d be nice to have a part of her with me, I don’t think I deserve her possessions

#

Back in the day, C and I would show up in our day, wearing the same clothes accidentally except hers was a tad, more feminine. That’s how close we were together that we could predict each others wardrobe

#

I remember one time we went to a shop together to buy clothes, I picked out a shirt I knew we’d both like. She wanted it, and was saying something along the lines of, “I want it! Give it to me!” Playfully, and I let her have it. I knew she was gonna appreciate it more than me. It had her favorite singer on it, Marilyn Monroe.

#

She makes it hard for me to talk, physically, that’s how she makes me feel emotionally.

#

Her absence is felt by me a lot

#

I lost her at a hard time in my life, when many personal problems grew bigger for me

#

I don’t even wanna say anything bad about her, because I only try to remember the good parts about our past relationship

#

The bad parts did their damage and show enough, it’s easier to remember that, but even harder to recall the good

#

The girl was unique, and stylish. She made me stand out. Or we electrified each other, added to each others fire

#

We were kinda like a duo. Not a couple, but I wished I had dated her. If a guy like me ever gets a chance to even talk to her again.

#

I remember… on a regular random day, a lady was introducing herself to me, not this girl who’s name begins with a letter C, a different one. The lady had the same name as C and I had froze up, and started choking/coughing. I stuttered the name out after 3 tries. Just saying her name back, to a stranger

#

Like I said… it’s hard for me to physically talk about her.

#

She gets my heart all heavy when I think about her

#

She has an effect or affect on me in a way that I didn’t have with other girls

#

I remember one of the last words she ever spoke to me was, “GET HELP.” I wonder if all I’ve done till this day since I lost her would be enough help that I’ve gotten. To fulfill that wish

#

Those words may not explain much to all you 8 people but, I was under the influence of ||drugs|| back then

#

She has that ||drug|| tattooed on her left forearm. That must be her way of remembering me. I hope. She got it after doing it with me.

#

Soulmatey typa’ gal.

#

We looked very similar too… I hope she stumbles upon a vibrant red hair strand that got lost in areas of her house. It would be obvious who’s been there.

#

In remembrance of her, she’s a big part of the reason why I’m going to get tattoos too. Because she has them, and she’s a part of my history, our identities used to be close

#

Plus, if I don’t show up with some body art on me, to this cute designer chick that draws for some of her jobs, it would be underwhelming and she’d expect more

#

I miss her

#

Wish I could get in contact with her, ask how she’s doing, what’s new, but I’m blocked. I’ve been for years.

#

She’s cold, even more than me

#

I wouldn’t even wanna be her lover for a few years, I’d wanna enjoy her as a friend first because that’s how fun and cool she was

#

I’d wanna wait, to get romantic with her, that’s how patient I’d be

#

Wife material, marriage category, yep.

#

She was fucking everything to me

#

But far as that goes, her and I were just close friends.

#

However uh, once… this is a bit NSFW but was more of an embarrassing moment for me, I remember C and I were out shopping at a mall. We came across this lane of mirrors and she was taking selfies, ||then “accidentally” took a picture of me from the waist down, and I had a boner, to nothing particular, and she showed the pic to me and apologized and laughed. Saying she didn’t mean to, and it was bad. The imprint was explicit for the public eye to see. I tried my best to conceal it afterwards.||
||What I’m saying is, THE BIGGER THE IMPRINT THE BIGGER THE PROBLEM, Y’KNOW?||

#

||I had another one of those embarrassing moments where I was hard at an inconvenient time. In her room when we were sitting on the floor, and we both had to get up and I was moving too stiff. She stared right at it, and my entire face and body was a beaming red color. Like um, hello? Can you look away? My eyes are up here.||

#

I remember I accidentally cuddled her that same night we were off a substance, ||drugs||, and consciously had to try not to. We were so high.

#

I’m talking about C here

#

While off that same substance, a ||drug||, I was having trouble differing her from a friend and a girlfriend in my mind. I was having a lot of inner turmoil about wanting her to be my gf, I couldn’t look at her at that moment I had gotten so shy

#

But yeah. I liked her a lot

frank ledge
#

Her biggest red flags were that she didn’t want me to make any other friends. That’s hinting at unspoken jealousy. It was her version of loyalty at that time, like uhh, I think that’s called girlfriend and boyfriend? Lol. We just hadn’t realized it then, but that’s what her possessiveness was saying for her.

#

So.. I had struggled with making more friends at that time in my life. It was a bit isolating sometimes. Still cute to think about.

#

Was still suffering socially because of that, but whatever, I bet she’s different nowadays. This is what I know from her, years ago.

#

Like, ninety percent of my camera roll was goofy pictures of her. Hers was filled with me too.

frank ledge
#

But uh, anyway. Enough about C.

#

Back to my current girlfriend, Raya. My aunt Lilith and me were talking about her. It was NSFW, the talk we had was about ||sex|| She wrote down, ||”Jake, stop having sex. You’re going to end up getting girls pregnant.”|| I guess trying to show me the consequences of doing it unsafely which I wasn’t. ||”You can get STIs, condoms aren’t always effective.”|| and I got mad at her, because that’s a risk I’d have to take no matter who I’m with. I told her this is my body and I’ll do what I want with it

#

The first line is funny, c’mon now

#

Like how does she know I’ve been doing it, but I lied to her and said I’m not?

#

Lilith can really read through me like that

#

Other than the light hickey on my neck that I poorly covered up that she hasn’t pointed out

#

I’m just laughing thinking about it and the fact she wrote it on paper

frank ledge
#

Mac Miller when he goes, love, love, love, love, love

#

Girl I’m so in love with you

#

Those were more wholesome times

#

But yeah she had gotten a tattoo of the ||drug|| I did on her arm, a ||drug|| that ruined me back then and changed my life. That was a bit messed up of her to get, looking back on it, but I think she didn’t realize how badly it affected me until it was too late and she had left seeing the effects it left on me

simple hazel
frank ledge
#

Sunday, July 27th
Woo, 9 hearts. Love life’s booming

#

On a serious note.. I remember my gf Raya. She sometimes is an unsafe driver. Jasmine was once in the car with us and my gf was speeding, burning stop signs and we almost got in a car crash. Where Raya reversed down half a block before a motorcycle came flying towards us.

#

Jasmine, my friend, was very mad at Raya for that and distanced herself from both me and Ray after that. I don’t think I was angry enough at it.

#

I think sometimes I’m a bit messed up. I wanted to tell Jasmine that ||I wish I had died.|| That shows how little I care about my own safety and it’s shameful. I’m still learning how to care more about myself and the possible dangers of life. I think in another life, we would’ve died all three of us in her car. It came close.

#

I remember being so nonchalant about it. I’m also trained to keep cool under pressure or hot situations because of… MMA. It’s a part of my neurodiversity to lack fear, and that includes missing a sense of danger too. A blessing and a curse.

#

It makes me edgy, a bit. Maybe I’m underdeveloped in that area, unwittingly.

#

I better start reminding myself the worth of my life, before I come across another situation where it’ll be the cost.

#

What a fast broad

#

But matter of the fact is, I don’t wanna die yet

frank ledge
#

1 AM
I’m soo attracted to crazy girls

#

It’s bad of me

#

They bring excitement to my life

#

However there is some crazy that I wouldn’t touch

#

Like the way they talk and what comes out of their mouth

#

I can be crazy too so that would make 2 of us

#

I try not to be, it comes naturally

frank ledge
#

Like my ex gf Trina is unfortunately a form of crazy that I don’t wanna involve myself with in a relationship

#

She not only does whatever the hell she wants but she’ll overstep boundaries. She’ll normalize her manipulation with you and get you wrapped in it soon as she can. That’s just not for me. She has problems with jealousy and possession. It’s not my responsibility to fix that.

#

Her manipulative approaches is unattractive to me and concerning at the same time.

frank ledge
# frank ledge I can be crazy too so that would make 2 of us

If you’re all wondering the type of crazy I am, to be self aware, it is willing to do risky things. Spontaneity, fearlessness, and almost an air of invincibility. To make it clear, I know I can be harmed, and I have been, I’m not invincible even if my actions may be driven with that innate feeling. Causing me to not consider many consequences in my pathway.

#

However.. these traits do not really affect others. They do cause concern, worry, in those who care about me. It has driven people away in the past and scared them, reasonably. I am working on these traits to have better decision making, but admittedly they are a part of me and how I act.

#

I mean, what 20 year old guy doesn’t feel a little invincible at the start of his life? That’ll probably die down as I age when my frontal lobe comes into full throttle.

#

I can be a bit… aggressive too. Emotionally cold or detached, it’s very hard to put strings in me to control me. No one has me under their thumb.

#

That’s why my ex girlfriend Trina is incompatible with me. She has control issues big time, and they don’t affect me or reach me. She must also love that, and see that, I can help her grow as a person since I can navigate her issues without being affected, precisely

#

I used to be the person to, scoop her up when times got hard. Bring her back to her senses, and remind her that what she does with her life is important

scarlet spire
#

dam bro

#

u cant get it tgtr bro, even i aint this broke and i will make paragraphs about my issues

#

can you summarize, i aint tryna take 2 hrs reading

dense sky
#

dont come to this forum if you dont wanna do a lot of reading

scarlet spire
#

nah girls are hoed up nowadays

frank ledge
dense sky
#

also vision apologies im not caught up as much lately 🙏 i might randomly read through later this week

scarlet spire
#

ohh

frank ledge
scarlet spire
#

yea bro i remember in like when i was a kid like in pre k nd whatnot kids where actually kids, now those kids are morons

#

and dont know how to go a month without cheating

frank ledge
#

But manipulation is like poison.. once it has its hooks in you, it’s hard to untangle yourself out of it

scarlet spire
#

theyres an antidote for poison though isnt there?

#

theres*

frank ledge
scarlet spire
#

hmm i didnt think abt it that way

frank ledge
scarlet spire
#

dude ive seen s many of these forums of people getting cheated on its sad

frank ledge
#

Like people pleasers for example are more likely to be manipulated successfully, they’d feel bad if they tell you to stop taking from them

scarlet spire
#

my keyboard is wack

frank ledge
#

Some things should be dealbreakers. The action speaks for itself, “I want somebody else, not you.”

frank ledge
scarlet spire
#

btw i stopped people pleasing it always gets me burned

#

last time

#

i helped my mom

#

my grandma had her stuff in storage from when she lived with her so i boxed it up put it in the car and took it to her, she threw it all on the ground and said burn it

#

btw my mom and dad were in a custody case, i ws staying with her and my grandma both houses, i went back to my dads

#

my dad is spotty, he hasnt gotten mad t me in the first 2 ish weeks of me being back at his house, hes gotten mad at my uncle bc he fed his dog pork bones and i told him not to, my uncle told me dont you ever tell me wht to do again, i went outside told my dad, my dad came inside and almost beat him up lol, my respect for my dad is way better than it used to be

#

anyways

frank ledge
scarlet spire
#

it was her shit so idk

#

shes my mom, she manipulated me and my brother and sis

frank ledge
scarlet spire
#

she once stole 30k from my grandma

#

i didnt belive my grandma i shouldve

frank ledge
#

Wow. Loans exist if you really need the money

scarlet spire
frank ledge
scarlet spire
#

now my mom owes my dad 47k in child support from unpaid child support

scarlet spire
#

he lowk deserved it

frank ledge
scarlet spire
#

nah my dad dont like it when ppl fuck with me or my brother or sisters

frank ledge
#

Should tell her, hey ma, mind swinging by us once in a while to ask how we are?

scarlet spire
frank ledge
#

We can go to.. the #venting-2 channel if you wanna continue talking about this @scarlet spire

scarlet spire
#

dms?

#

also my mom is a master manipulator and a pathological liar, so nah, she messed up when she disrespected hours of my hard work, and the fact that nothing i do is good enough for her, yea no ima avoid those issues while i can

#

@frank ledge

frank ledge
#

Soo.. anyway. I’m gonna bring up my soon-to-be ex gf. Raya. She disgusts me now. What she’s done is appalling.

#

I might’ve called out her own manipulation, when her and I were at a bar and she got mad at me for not buying her beer when she was the one driving that night. Went from a demon to an angel in spans of second when I got that beer paid for and in her hands.

#

I might be devoted to bad women. The “I can fix her” mentality will be the death of me, truly

#

But Raya? She’s an unchanging one, she’s long gone in her ways, can’t reverse her disease

#

These shackles of lust must be ripped from me, plus my reputation is suffering with her. Everyone’s wondering what the hell I’m doing with her.

scarlet spire
#

dam man

#

i thought you said you dumped her alrdy

frank ledge
# scarlet spire i thought you said you dumped her alrdy

I haven’t had a chance, plus I gotta do it slowly, for my safety. There’s an unpredictability to the craziness. Might wake up to my house half burnt down or a keyed car, eyebrows shaved off completely. The process will take weeks, distance myself, make some excuses to leave her so she doesn’t get crazier off me calling her what she is.

scarlet spire
#

ahh, so your reputation/life is kinda on the line

#

file for a restraining order, if she breaks it she goes to jail

frank ledge
#

Who knows. Lady is an unsafe driver. Might hear a car alarm booming with the head of the car broken halfway through the front door entrance of my home. Haha. Imagine.

scarlet spire
#

lol

#

yea well home insurance would py for that tho

#

pay*

frank ledge
#

I can tell it’ll be hard for her to let me go right away. She may stalk me or linger around, that I know for sure. That’s why I’m stalling.

#

She’s done some tailgating, watching me from afar when I don’t see her, I gotta think a thousand steps ahead when she’s walking at a hundred

#

I’m unsure where she’s at mentally, honestly. That’s where the age gap comes in. I cant be as naive to think her mind works at the same pace at me, how deep her feelings go is a mystery to me. She hasn’t had a boyfriend since 2017 till she came across me.

#

What could I say to the lady?
TW ||Pedophilia||
||You’re a pedophile and I’m no longer interested?||
I may be bold to tell that to her, but I won’t doubt there’ll be consequences, she may run around to kiss & tell, spoil my reputation a bit.

#

The fact I mixed sweat with that makes me feel dirty, but the deed is done, she’s figured out

#

I should get an interview at the FBI for gods sake. That was some top tier investigation sh!t. How to catch a predator.

#

She’s a serpent. A reptile. She moves like she’s on ice. Should come with a warning label.

#

Someone once said, Satan’s strategy is simple. Make sin look normal and make righteousness look weird.

#

My main fear is being stalked. That is the biggest threat

#

But whatever…

#

Imagine if I got that woman arrested, lol. In another life, I would’ve been recording everything and gotten her incarcerated and became a cop. But I’d never join blue in this lifetime.

#

Raya told me she bought sage and tarot cards recently, I’m surprised her holding that in her hands didn’t make her vanish into ash already.

#

I bet when she walks into a church, she starts burning.

#

People are disgusted with me too. My friends, my family. Disappointed, rightfully.

#

Something about letting her walk free doesn’t sit right with me though. Like this lady is an actual threat to society and younger guys.

#

You know, the staff at our school that we both go to recommended her to take online courses instead because of how much drama is circulating around her. Since everyone knows she’s a ||pedophile||

#

I may have a mature talk with her, suggest therapy, but I doubt she’ll go and take my advice, if it’s not jail.

#

What a weird lady

#

I’ve come to my own senses

#

Plus… I feel cops eyes on me. Just from being with her. The PD has been looking into me. She’s bad news, real bad.

scarlet spire
#

lowk, move state bro

#

like dont even pack

#

s get in your car and leave

#

just*

#

whats your age gap?

frank ledge
scarlet spire
#

wtf

#

gng leave

#

you should have stayed far away at the start bud

#

23 year age gap, gng shes old enough to be your mom

frank ledge
#

I get told

scarlet spire
#

does she have kids?

frank ledge
#

No kids

scarlet spire
#

or is she divorced or sum

frank ledge
#

No history of marriage

scarlet spire
#

in 44 years

#

gee wizz

frank ledge
#

It must be hard to get a partner when you’re a ||pedo|| since you go for kids that are barely of age

scarlet spire
#

yea id say if you still want her, tell her to get it together, but nah

#

bud leave

frank ledge
#

She even wears crooks and castles underwear, walking red flag

scarlet spire
#

like dead a s s pack up and leave block her and all

#

what u mean

#

idk what underwear your talking abt but yea

#

dont doubt it

frank ledge
#

Maybe I could play therapist and tell her she won’t ever get to see her preference of partners who are a lot younger never age with her. She’ll die lonely

scarlet spire
#

lol

#

meh

#

bud how have you gotten yourself into this mess

frank ledge
#

This is next level cougar

scarlet spire
#

ong

#

wanna call?

frank ledge
#

I wanted a girlfriend after breaking up with a different girl and Raya showed interest in me and came off exceedingly charismatic

frank ledge
scarlet spire
#

np js easier than typing

frank ledge
#

Her whole life of 44 years was and is filled with ||drugs, crime, partying, and preying on younger boys.|| dangerous activities

scarlet spire
#

bud, im serious shes a leech, if she starts terrorizing you, move for the time being sell your car buy a new one

frank ledge
#

She won’t move me, but I’ll be smart about how I go about this

scarlet spire
#

she wont move me? wym

frank ledge
#

She also introduced me to, ||hard drugs|| such as ||meth||

scarlet spire
#

did you do them?

frank ledge
#

Meaning I’m not moving just because she’s a dangerous gal in general

frank ledge
scarlet spire
#

no thats why you need to move

#

like where she cant find you

frank ledge
#

She’d find a way, she’ll just have to stay away

scarlet spire
#

bud, she isnt going to leave if shes obssessed with you, you need to leave, if you want change in that type of realationship you have to make it

frank ledge
#

Don’t worry I’ll be okay

scarlet spire
#

ur gonna wish you moved bro

frank ledge
#

I live for the crazies I’m used to dealing with difficult women

#

I do this to myself don’t I

scarlet spire
#

how did you let this mess happen bro?

frank ledge
#

By being a reckless person myself. I suggest you stay away from women like this too

scarlet spire
#

yea i got my eyes on 1 girl

frank ledge
#

A twisted part of me likes aspects of her, but I can’t remove the ||pedophilia|| from who she is, it’s a dealbreaker and now I have to make an exit

scarlet spire
#

bro, lets be real theres no way shes good in the bed

#

44 years old, theres no way

#

so that obviousley wsnt why

frank ledge
#

I talk about lust in this forum that I’ve had for her and admittedly she charmed me in the bedroom too. She never aged. She looks like she’s in her 20s to 30s, like a vampire. Never gets old, forever young in the brain and body. But behind her charm is a cunning and narcissistic perversion I can no longer condone.

#

Fit, fast, could sweep me off my feet. Her natural maturity was alluring

scarlet spire
#

you need to file a restraining order

frank ledge
#

Ha ha, that I could

#

But our relationship was not all lustful, I liked maybe even loved most of her, but she has her problems

scarlet spire
#

she can go to jail for 1-10 years if she breaks it, that will give you time to get her completely gone from your life, possibley move bc she will come for revenge

#

dude ive seen 20-30 year olds dating peoples grandmas

frank ledge
#

Her psychology is also something I’ve been analyzing this entire time and a curiosity of mine

scarlet spire
#

theres a youtuber couple where hes like 20 and shes over here like 80

frank ledge
#

I’ve learnt a lot about how a pedophile works and how to recognize one

scarlet spire
#

how to recognize one?

frank ledge
scarlet spire
#

dude you cant get to 80 and be that stupid

frank ledge
# scarlet spire how to recognize one?

Their mind is a bit different. They never mentally aged in who or what they like. They’re attracted to kids and a bit like one themselves in regions. But it’s very much about control too, taking advantage and influencing the mind of a younger person. They prey on the weaker, Rayas said that she loves an imperfect guy who has visible problems, probably so she can be someone to lean on and cry on. But me? I don’t need anybody.

scarlet spire
#

ima send you a youtube link

frank ledge
#

They know that younger people are easier to lure around, guide, affect, predator mentality. I’ll throw in a comment here and there to let her know that I know what she is. She knows that I know

frank ledge
#

I may need a confession from her. I’ll try to get her to admit to being a predator, and I’ll be recording secretly too. I’d have some material

#

She’s programmed to deny though

scarlet spire
#

yea, i sent you vid

#

of what i was talking abt

frank ledge
#

I didn’t receive anything?

verbal fern
#

if you plan to use whatever recording in legal matters i mean

frank ledge
#

God, I can see my innocence running away from me from here

#

But you know I’m 21 and I have fun in my life, what Raya and I did was legal, and I want to help her come to terms with her desires that are predatory

#

My therapy is quite effective

scarlet spire
#

if this mother f u c k e r doesnt turn his god dang alarm off

frank ledge
#

As disgusted I am she’s still a human person that deserves love

#

It’s important to have humanity and empathy for people like this

scarlet spire
#

some people dont deserve love, people who prey on kids

#

dont

frank ledge
#

Everyone has their own views on the matter

#

But there’s therapy for stuff like this

#

A part of me thinks it may be healthy for her to be dating me since I’m just of legal age even though the morals are somewhat questionable

#

But a lesson should be taught

#

She’s only shared fantasies with me but not said she’s acted out on anything towards somebody who’s underage

#

So her actions are clean far as I know

#

But I’ll pry further and see if that’s true

#

I’m good at reaching the core of people

#

I think what will make me feel better is to try and help her, honestly. Be an understanding person, long as her issues don’t affect me.

verbal fern
# frank ledge It’s important to have humanity and empathy for people like this

popping in again, but yes, it's important to show empathy, but don't mistake empathy and being a fool. i understand the want to get her help however this situation is actively hurting you and you need to get out before it causes more harm. the want for justice/safety for future potential victims is normal, but i beg, be sure you're okay with the possibility of long term harm to yourself, ykyk?

frank ledge
verbal fern
#

yeah man just please be careful, i've seen people like you who think they've got everything under control just for it to spin out and ruin them. just make sure you're playing your cards right and carefully 🙏

frank ledge
#

I’m also a mentally strong person if I do say so myself. I can not only talk about difficult problems but can deal with them. I’m not a professional therapist but I know how humans work and what they need.

frank ledge
#

I have clarity and direction

#

I’ll try my best to help her, not be swept into her same darkness because it’s not me, keep others around her protected.
I could choose to drop her immediately, leave her life, and refuse to deal with the person she is ever again, but I’d rather use my gifts.

#

Another bad case I’ve considered is her becoming obsessed with me, but I believe she’s rational and mature enough to keep that under wraps and not have it hurt me.

#

I’ll have to navigate that if it comes to it, and I’ve been working to prevent it this entire time. Like I said, emotional detachment, making it clear to her that I won’t be in her life forever and will leave if it’s in my best interest. She understands that unselfishly.

#

Thanks for the heart. I have a big one myself.

frank ledge
#

Monday, July 28
I think Raya scared off my ex and my friend. They both distanced themselves from me, and are probably bad talking me. Jasmine seems to have run off, she told me she wants to work on other friendships right now, whatever that means. I don’t have much friends, honestly, and they don’t last so long.

#

I’m unsure what my feelings are right now. As you all can see I sometimes go between defending Raya thinking I can handle being with her and then other times I see her like most people do and wanna cut her off.

#

My liking towards Raya is reducing vastly. I question if she’s worth the trouble

#

I also have high paranoia and that’s towards her right now.

scarlet spire
#

bro, ive told you numerous times to leave her ped self

#

if you wont help yourself no one else can help you either

frank ledge
#

Monday July 28
TW ||sex||
||Got laid ||not saying who

frank ledge
#

Brains barely working

calm thunder
#

I had read this page of urs few weeks ago
And it was wild
I literally had no idea that u r the same person when we were talking yesterday 💀

frank ledge
#

Tuesday July 29
Did you guys know that
An acting school I once attended to
I got an infraction for “explicit behavior” with a college cheerleader, but she wasn’t punished and I was kicked out for a few months
It was written off as “suggestive actions” because I was ||playing with her top, and caressing her in front of other people, and a crowd was forming||

#

The workers said it was comparable to ||having sex publicly|| but it was nothing near that

frank ledge
#

I remember approaching the cheer at my new acting school cause she goes there too, and she acted like she didn’t know me but I knew she did. She told me she wanted to get with me for popularity purposes, that’s how superficial she was. A security guard had then moved in front of me and shoved me away from her.

frank ledge
#

1 AM, Wednesday July 30
I think I’m addicted to ||sex|| because I’ve noticed I’m losing sexual discipline and should work on that admittedly

#

Like the full bodily high it gives me is addictive

#

The woman I do it with I’m going to break up with soon but it’s hard to do that over night

frank ledge
#

I'm paranoid that Jasmine is telling Trina a lot about my personal life to her because they're friends now

#

Those two are like banding up together and coming against me in a way out of jealousy

#

Jasmine telling me she wants to focus on other relationships at the moment tells me everything I have to know

#

Like yea, who, what relationship, you mean my ex girlfriend that you now became friends with

#

She had already gave my aunts phone number to Trina, she'll give other stuff too. Jasmine even said, ''I told Trina everything about you and Raya''

#

Broke my trust, no wonder she wants distance

#

Jasmine's an odd girl, I've talked less about her, she has mental problems that have lead to a loss of friends in the past, she told me she can't even get her license because she's mentally unfit for driving

#

Both those girls are now poison

#

I get they're trying to protect me but I hated how she gave Trinity my ex gf, the phone number of my family without telling me

#

Trinity is trying her best to weasle her way back into my life and if that means destroying relationships that are in her way to get to me, she'll do it. She's told me recently she would show up to my house to tell my aunt that I'm an addict and mentally unwell. That woman has little to no boundaries. Some stuff should be kept on the low if it means respecting me.

#

I'm coming to terms with Trina being obsessed with me and it's difficult. Crazy blondes that dress in black everyday and wear fishnets.

#

I got things to hide, honestly. I can be dishonest sometimes, and Jasmine's morals might be in a better place because she doesn't lie at all.

#

Plus, that Jillian girl from my school campus is interested in me, but I don't like her in that way. A crush on me, but reality of the situation is she's too good for me. She's nice. I fear I'd be too rugged and wired for that one. We share spirituality in common, gave her a few compliments, but I get along with bad girls better

#

Now Trina, too much trouble. If I were to date her again, she'd never let me go. Ever

#

I'll have to find some doll that I don't go to school with, for drama purposes

#

I believe Trina deserves more respect than what I've given her or how I've talked about her in this forum, so, I won't call her dumb anymore

#

I don't wanna be that type of person anymore to speak of someone so badly like that

#

I'll be better

frank ledge
#

Wednesday July 30
I remember the day Raya and I went shopping for clothes and I had bought a pair of slides because it was too hot outside. I accidentally left my shoes with her, lol. The type of shoes it was though, was unique. Not the type of pair you get just anywhere. I bet she examined every inch of those.

#

I even left my shirt with her too. I had gotten it back the morning after.

#

Not the type of shoewear you see the typical person wearing. It’s called, “creepers.” It’s alternative, indie, and formal. Mine have about 1-2 inch of a platform on them, making me roughly 6’5 tall in them. Unlike my more casual Jordan sneakers.

#

They have an imprint of cartoon-like bones underneath them, and you can find a coffin buried underneath the sole of the shoe.

#

Maybe you have all caught onto… my liking towards alternative fashion. I switch between streetwear, alt, formal, and anything that feels like me.

#

I’m often seen as a rocker kinda guy. With band shirts and tacky jewelry.

#

My edgy style is not just a front but expression of the inner self too. I act how I look. That’s how style should be.

#

Not the type of guy to ask you to name 3 bands from nirvana to be grunge. You can wear whatever band, I don’t care.

#

The coffin inside the creepers shoewear, me likey. It’s dark. Death symbolism, just like the raven tattoo I wanna get on my arm.

#

Other than that… I’m a bit tall in them. People tend to duck under me when brushing past.

topaz dirge
#

I've been reading this whole thread for the past hour... you weren't joking when you said girl problems. I just want to confirm that yea, Raya is grooming you. You seem very aware of this and yet pulled in by the mystery of what she will do next, almost like you are addicted to the danger. You also say you rejected a nice girl who liked you because you only like the 'bad' ones, that kind of says it all. You are addicted to chaos in relationships (been there). All the girls you describe are people you don't see as an intellectual equal, because they are deep in addiction/self-harm and can't engage in a healthy way. I'm sure you're aware of this but you seem to have a savior complex, and meanwhile from the outside it's obvious you need to find your rock. Somebody to be stable and appreciate your eccentricities while not getting bogged down in your intense ups and downs.

frank ledge
# topaz dirge I've been reading this whole thread for the past hour... you weren't joking when...

You seem to understand me well, cut through my diary with surgical precision yeah. Shamefully, I may enjoy risky activities that Raya exposes me to. I know how problematic it is to say I’d pass on what’s, “nice” because I have addictive habits that I know would be too extreme for a girl like that. I suppose a tad of a “savior complex” but I don’t want women to have mental problems or bad habits however I relate to those that do on a deeper level, and am good at being a shoulder to lean on. I know that I deserve someone new that isn’t a predator

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Wow, Emelie has me all figured out. I’ve been still trying to get to the bottom of why I’m attracted to recklessness. Ever since I was young kid, I struggled to follow rules, moral code, social norms, and often found myself bored with a safe and secure nature. This has had consequences and it’s own burdens.

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I always stuck out like a sore thumb, a freak, an odd one out. An angst or edge that drives healthier people away.

topaz dirge
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I hope I didn't come off too judgmental cause I completely get feeling more at home with mentally ill or weird people, and relating and wanting to help isn't all bad. but yeah i can't emphasize enough... cut out the predator. you do such a good job analyzing her actions and motives only to continue out of some perverse curiosity or attraction to danger. you might think it's less severe because you're a man, but it's no less serious. just think about how creepy a forty-something man would be going to college classes to prey on barely legal girls, it's the same

frank ledge
oblique ruin
frank ledge
#

This is Volume 1

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The day is Thursday July 31

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I’m gonna talk about Raya, a girlfriend that’s soon to be another ex.

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She’s an awful one, and I bet doesn’t care for how I feel. She’s dragged me around for a while now, easily

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If I try to look at myself through her eyes, it’s manipulative too

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I see how our age difference isn’t encouraged and it’s gross to think about how this person is supposed to know better than me. But she isn’t.

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I see myself in some of her stupidity at times

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It’s humorous or entertaining to her to affect my life. I’m gonna bring up something serious, TW for ||drugs||

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Don’t press on this spoiler if you do not want to read about that

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||Raya gave me drugs to do one night when I was over at her place. She offered me methamphetamines and coke, I took them. I notice this makes her somewhat irresponsible, she didn’t tell me what it was going to do to me, or how it’s affected her in the past. I took it with curiosity. I was fine. However,||

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||She didn’t tell me it was gonna last days and weeks. Meths a very strong drug.
I’m still feeling it’s effects, 13 days ago.||

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I look back on my past actions, and this relationship with this 44 year old woman and I’m embarrassed. I’m very sorry everyone.

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This is slightly nsfw, warning. For that ||I suppose this lady’s got me in some sort of lust-struck state. With all her charm. All she is to me now is dangerous.||

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Another TW for drugs such as ||meth|| and ||coke use||
||Raya seems to be sleeping perfectly fine. From her end. Unlike me. I did accept those two from her but I underestimated how powerful meth is. Since that was my first time trying it.||

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I can be seen in a rather careless state at the moment and acting a bit stupidly. If I’m asked what I was doing with Raya that girl, I’d say it’s something nsfw related. Benefits that we both were giving each other. I notice she hadn’t dated a guy in a long time, so when she got to know me it was revisiting old excitement.

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Trigger warning for ||drugs||

||I’ve been especially awake, during the night time. That’s such a bad girlfriend.||

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Raya’s doing her most to keep me close, but it’s also to keep an eye on me, under the effects of her and what she’s given me.

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||I told Raya 3 days ago that my eye was twitching nonstop. She didn’t say anything to it, not a word. I read by intuition that my eye was doing that because of both sleep deprivation and methamphetamines. I noticed meth also makes you a lot more aggressive, and louder at times because you’re easy to agitate and anger more when little to no sleep.||

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||I sensed some worry in Raya when she didn’t ask about my facial features, twitching oddly. This is what people call tweaking I think, ha…||

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||Days also feel like they’ve been flashing by, in seconds. They are so much faster. Hours feel like minutes.||

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It’s been 2 days since I last slept.

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This is nsfw about Raya. ||I don’t think her and I have ever had sex sober once before. She’s gotten me stoned, drunk, or off uppers before we’ve done it.||

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So, that isn’t good. It’s very bad actually. All of it.

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That relationship was fast. I won’t be with this person Raya anymore. It’s about time to move on

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If there’s anymore honeys that show interest in me I’ll let this forum post know to keep track of my days

frank ledge
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This is about Trina.
I noticed her and I have just swapped places. Now she’s off the ||drugs, the coke she used to do,|| and now I am. Since she’s sobering up she seems a lot smarter, I noticed how ||dumb drugs can make a person seem, like lose touch of a sensible or rational part of yourself||

frank ledge
#

Friday, August 1

My ex gf her name is trinity, and I’ve been treating her like shit recently

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Because she invaded some of my personal life and we’re both angry at eachother

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She’s sorry for falling in love with me and… it’s like I’m struggling to even like her as a person let alone a friend

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I think her and my friend Jasmine saw a very ugly side of me recently

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Or however they saw it as… they’re like the bestest of friends now. And Jasmine texted me and said she doesn’t wanna be my friend anymore. Because it’s “awkward” for her, and that I “lead” Trinity on even if I didn’t mean to. But I disagreed with that.

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Trinity had showed up to a bar to talk to Jasmine and me about Raya, she was so angry at me. She immediately came up all close and personal to shout in my face and I didn’t like how aggressive that was. Like no emotional control.

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She was being very rude to me, actually now that I look back on it. So I guess my coldness is justifiable towards her. She kept apologizing for caring and loving me, I told her to stop caring, I rejected her love. I could tell she’s hurt by me but I can’t do anything for her if I don’t like her like that.

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Jasmine secretly hated me being with Raya and she shares that jealousy in common with Trina. They’re now bonding over their jealousy, and shit talking me.

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I remember Trina had went on her tip toes in front of me and said, “Want me to go up to your height? There, I’m there now.” And it felt somewhat disrespectful, like she was sizing me up

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Trina is a very toxic girl. She expects me to be the stable and good one but I simply can’t be that crutch anymore. She now calls me “evil” for being unable to tolerate her shit anymore.

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I think I could’ve treated Trina better but vice versa.. like nahh she doesn’t actually love me. That’s obsession and infatuation. I know the difference

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She’s caught up in lust of my physical appearance, black ripped jeans, silver chains, that’s the idea of me she thinks she likes

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I know that it’s Trina that has convinced Jasmine to stop being friends with me. Because I “lead her on.” Again, untrue

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I remember we were in a bar and Trina was shouting at me about how bad of a friend I was in front of everybody. I think I might’ve agreed with her a few times just to shut her up.

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That was an unpleasant day for me. With the 2 of them around. I remember drunkenly dragging my feet at the end of the night, wishing the night would end sooner with them trailing behind me.

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Jasmine then told me yesterday that Trina got back together with the same guy she cheated on me with. What a bitch.

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I had temptations to text her, “You’re with that guy again, really? Is that all the options you have?” But I’m not toxic like that. Instead I wrote to her that we should talk maturely about how she felt lead on by me and how that wasn’t my intention to get on the same page in hopes to ease the awkwardness between Jasmine and I.

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Because.. Trina obviously doesn’t really give a f**k about that guy, and she’s just lonely.

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I can tell Trina ignored my message to talk maturely. Because she has a boyfriend now, and feels good about giving me the cold shoulder and being able to let me go. I think my coldness might’ve finally ripped off her shackles of lust and obsession she had for me.

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I was in a bad mood that night. Pretty negative, I had a closed off vibe to me, and like I didn’t wanna be there or wasn’t enjoying myself. Because I wasn’t.

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I told the two girls I didn’t wanna drink, but Jasmine made a big deal out of that and insisted I should. So I did. It just worsened my mood further and made me meaner.

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I remember earlier in the day Trina had said to me, “You lead me on.” Through the phone while I was walking down the street to the bar with Jasmine and I shouted into the phone, “Oh shut up, you crybaby.” Whatever, I guess. Boo-hoo. I didn’t wanna be with her.

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I knew it would make Jasmine upset too, to say that, but I did anyway. Probably to show both of them, if I don’t like you, I’ll make it clear

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They can talk all the shit they want but I don’t feel anything.

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They were both making fun of me at the end of that night and I almost enjoyed them disliking me. But I didn’t like it at the same time. They kept saying I was spacey and look like I don’t know what’s going on half the time. I told them it’s my staring spells/blanks, medically, and that it’s hard for me to control.

frank ledge
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Trina’s some breed of a lunatic. Whatever will get her far away from me. I remember Raya considered grabbing her phone and breaking it to delete the recording off Trina’s phone. The recording was a voice call of Raya speaking to Jasmine about our sex. Jasmine recorded all of it and sent it to Trina.

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Trina’s crazy, but Raya is more dangerous.

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I liked that about Raya, that she’s willing to fight for me and break some stuff in the way if may need be.

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How bad of me to say, the breaking of Trina’s phone idea, isn’t bad. That would be pretty hot of her to do.

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Trina is also a Machiavellian, and has manipulated some people with success. Yep. Just not me.

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She knows how to make you seem like the bad guy even though she is in situations. She’ll be the wrong one and you’re right, then suddenly you’ll switch roles.

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When we’re all back on campus together, I sense a fight will break out. Trina doesn’t know how to keep her mouth shut for the life of her. If she sees Raya around me at all, she will badmouth us loudly for everyone to hear, and call her a ||pedophile|| to her face. If that happens, I bet Raya will punch her.

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Even though our suspicions about that are probably correct… Raya still should be treated with respect and it’s best to not publicize that info ignorantly. It’s not helping anyone be a better person, it’ll only make drama blow.

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I used to treat Trina gently, and try to show her proper love when I considered being her boyfriend. I was a cable of emotional support for her. But times have changed

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I think I might’ve pulled her out of a very bad depression too once upon a time. It was nice to see, but I’m no therapist or saviour. That was just me, being a good friend.

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I think of the age difference between Raya and I and it makes me sad, to think about how she won’t see me grow older. I’ll forever be a young guy to her and I bet she likes that. But the strong possibility she won’t see me or know me anymore in my 30s or 40s is saddening.

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Like, wouldn’t you want to know who I am or who I will be at the age you are? That really puts into perspective the gap.

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Will I ever meet a woman that tall and dangerous for me again… maybe.

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But there’s something so much more intimate and pure about getting to know and loving someone who is your exact age. You can’t beat that. Developing at the same pace.

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I bet Jasmines telling Trina, “This is his karma! For leading you on!” Like haha… fuck you.

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I bet they’re telling each other EVERYTHING about me too and keeping no privacy whatsoever. Trina doesn’t respect any boundaries like that. I hate that.

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Whatever though…

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Bitter ends

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My taste in women is so terrible. I must sign up for it. They’re always some breed of crazy, and socially rejected.

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I’m not desperate for friends or a girlfriend. I’m perfectly fine alone. I think the crazies I understand most.

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You have to be a certain type of dumb to be crazy, too, I feel like. That applies to me too. Lol.

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Just a little bit dumb.

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Just the most off-putting girls around that people tend to dislike and exclude. They’re relatable, but I keep a lower profile and am not really disliked by anyone at this school, since I’ve played quiet throughout the years.

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I mean, Jasmine gets bullied at our school. People video her, call her names while driving by, toss drinks at her. I spoke with the people bullying her, and they backed off her because they saw I was chill and cool. My reputation is quite good if I say so myself.

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And Raya… disliked by most, ||pedo allegations flying around her|| that’s why. But she’s also scarily tall for a woman, and can speak too loudly by accident, causing her to appear menacing. She also has this very young teenageish appearance despite being 44 which misleads you a bit.

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But yeah.

frank ledge
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Saturday, August 2nd 5:00 AM

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To be honest and transparent, Raya and I are still hanging out.

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It’s hard to just let someone go cold turkey

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I know how it sounds but if Raya’s dating me then she won’t go for any other kids

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I found out she won’t be attending my school anymore in person and if she does it’ll be online courses

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My relationship with her is so intense

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Her age is f***king terrifying I can’t lie

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She’s been bringing up marriage and kids… she said she wants that but she’s not ready for it yet

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Like… if her and I had kids I bet there’d be health problems with them because of our age difference.

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Plus not interested

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Another girl telling me she wants kids and it’s not even a year that I’ve known her

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Like pipe down

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And when I’m her age she will be 70

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Id want kids in the future too but not with her. Id read them horror stories all the time.

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This is nsfw related to baby making ||before Raya and I would do the deed she has asked me if she wants to do it without a condom, lol. I said no each time.||

frank ledge
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But yeah I ain’t ready for kids…

frank ledge
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Saturday, August 2nd

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11 AM
Another day with my scary ass girlfriend, Raya
Shit, I don’t even wanna hangout with this woman

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But it’s too late, I’m doomed, can’t cancel now

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I’d trade it over getting in a few more good hours of sleep and some jam on toast

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If she found this on my phone it’d be a heartbreaking read

verbal fern
# frank ledge But it’s too late, I’m doomed, can’t cancel now

it's not too late, i don't have much say in this as i don't know you or understand the intensity of your situation, but man, you're being groomed and even though you say you have it under control it seems like you don't. please consider reaching out to a therapist who specializes in grooming victims or organizations that can help you get out of your situation if its as intense as it seems. You seem like an amazing guy and i know you think staying with her is protecting future potential victims, but this situation seems to be getting more serious (her bringing up the possibility of having a child/getting married) and you need help while you can still get it. if you still decide to stay with her please be careful. it seems you've thought about leaving and even if you don't immediately leave her please make a plan to get out if the situation escalates. 🙏

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also, if there's even a slight possibility of her finding this thread and possibly becoming more harmful/intense towards you, consider putting it in your hidden/making it only assessable through face id (if you're an iphone user)

simple hazel
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Yo vision free yourself hamster

frank ledge
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Hey. It doesn’t feel like I’m being groomed because I don’t feel manipulated, for anything. The relationship is transactional and reciprocal.
TW for ||grooming||
Other than that, this person clearly has problems with ||what’s related to pedophilia and I’ve been trying to work that out with her. It is a big turn off and grosses me out but I can’t just abandon someone I’ve been developing a relationship with.||

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Other than that, she has endangered herself, I, others around by accident but that’s issues related to something else

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But I can’t lie. The lady is creepy, and odd in her ways. Being interested in people a lot younger like that is weird. ||She’s also been rougher with me recently physically but it’s nothing I can’t handle||

frank ledge
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Mon, August 4th
Soo uhh...

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This is for the adults only, it's NSFW and about ||sex||

frank ledge
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Mention of ||sex|| and ||kinks||

||Other than that, the past last few times I had sex with my gf it was rough, enough for me to bring up the concept of CNC, consensual non consensual because that's how hard she was doing me. Yep||

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||Like my body was instinctively pushing her back or off and moving away because she was hurting me at times||

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This is a pretty hard read. So do only click if you're prepared to read something explicit

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It's been hard for me to even come on here recently and journal about this relationship because I know I'm being judged and subjecting myself to this treatment

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On the other hand, she gives the best massages ever

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Puts me straight to sleep

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But yeah just another day just another moment

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So uhhhh

clear belfry
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bro i was just reading thru this thread but didn’t read all of it bc it’s a fucking 2 hours worth of typing and this killed me 😭😭

frank ledge
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Feeling very awkward right now LMFAO

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I'm glad it made you laugh

clear belfry
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anyways are u still with the pedo lady? like i said i didnt read everything 😭

frank ledge
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Raya is still my girlfriend

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Like I said I'm trying to work out the fantasies she has

clear belfry
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bro i swear mentally ill people are in their own world(coming from a mentally ill person)

fringe parcel
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fr

frank ledge
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||Too much time spent with my clothes off and not enough time spent thinking about my decisions in life||

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Umm but yeah

clear belfry
frank ledge
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I feel embarrassed to be honest

clear belfry
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nah that’s fine, i get it. i’m like extremely hyper sexual so 😭

frank ledge
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Tuesday August 5th
This is about Trinity, my ex girlfriend

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This woman is a spawn in of hell. She is demon bred. She is going around telling everyone that I, 'lead her on' when I wanted to flirt with her and kiss her without committing to a relationship right away which is what I communicated, that I wanted to get to know her better before being her boyfriend.

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Everyone is noticing how JEALOUS she is

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She is also telling EVERYONE in the world that I am dating a 44 year old woman.
Tw for ||grooming||
||Trina said she's a pedo and grooming me because of our age difference.||

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She is trying to ruin my reputation in any way she can, by the time I'm back on campus I'll be getting dirty looks but I don't f**king care. I'm gonna say that I'm not dating Raya, to make her look stupid. Because it's none of her business if I don't want it to be.

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She is so f***king,

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VINDINCTIVE

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Whenever I think of Trina, it comes with emotions of anger for me.

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The last time she approached me it was disrespectful. She was trying to go chest to chest with me and was shouting in my face. I don't tolerate s*** like that.

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She is talking badly about me with everyone in her life. Kissing and telling. She has no sort of respect for me or anyone.

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Her mentality is literally, HOW DARE YOU NOT DATE ME!!! I WANT REVENGE ON YOU NOW!!!

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Like leave me the f##k alone you psycho b#tch

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She made Jasmine drop me as a friend and wants to get Raya arrested.

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Trina wants to get to me, make me upset, cause me to lash out, but that's not who I am. She could never get me out of character and she hates me for that.

scarlet spire
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bro, stop bringing shi people into your life and you wont have these problems, if you would help yourself and move away and leave, the issues would be over personally i moved away and the problems went away.

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when something happens its on you not any of us.

frank ledge
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Tuesday August 12th

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||Not my aunt eavesdropping on my phone sex|| NSFW lol

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Embarrassing but ok

frank ledge
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Made my gf cry

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Got invited to a rave party to do ||drugs with her|| and accepted

frank ledge
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Scared my gf might be pregnant

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She said her period is late

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I still haven’t broken up with Raya

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I don’t wanna be alone and

frank ledge
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She said she considered may not even going to work today over it, and thought I was breaking up with her.

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I think some of it was emotionally insensitive. Vain, shallow, and bipolar.

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It wasn’t my intention. I guess I was feeling edgier than usual. Upset at the time too.

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I can tell I had a big emotional effect on her recently, with her thinking it was a breakup text from how bad it was.
I can tell she’s having trouble sleeping tonight because of me. It makes me a bit restless honestly.

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It made me also realize this lady is just like the others, not dangerous to where my cars getting keyed, she would just go buy a Ben and Jerry’s ice cream like the rest and bawl her eyes out if I broke up with her

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I started keeping what her and I do a secret, because… I knew it’d come with backlash to still be with Raya

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She asked me to lie about my age at this rave, to her friends, and tell them I was 25 instead. To avoid confrontation about the age gap.

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As you can all probably tell if you keep up with me, I’ve started to like myself a little less.

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This lady scared off the other two, lol. Trina and Jasmine

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Yeah, they don’t like me much anymore either

frank ledge
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Wednesday August 13th
Drugz nd' gurlz
It's two days before this rave I'm going to with my gf.
Raya has been supplying me with ||drugs.||

||She's been offering me meth, molly, and coke. I've accepted the 1st and 3rd from her already once before.||

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||I can tell Rayas used these substances over the course of these years just from how her body looks.||

frank ledge
# frank ledge Made my gf cry

One of the things I told her was about ||drugs.||

||I told Raya, "The drugs have chipped away at you quite a bit. There's holes in your skin."|| I know that one hurt.

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||I'm going to be doing all that stuff in one night. Probably with some of those radioactive neon energy drinks that she wastes her money on.||

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||Honestly, I've stayed quiet to Raya about my schizophrenia and how it affects me. How drugs amplify the negative symptoms and trigger it. That's bad of me, I know, I struggle to care about myself seriously.||

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||I remember last time I did coke and meth, I started getting a bad high at the end of it and got super paranoid. I just remember being unable to focus on anything Raya was saying, and hearing her voice in my head, with the most wide eyed intense stare at her. Haha....||

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||I better not die at freaking 21 man||

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||Like I ain't taking that first LOL||

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||Y'all remember how Trina my ex girlfriend messaged my aunt about how I wanted to try meth..?||

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||Sorry baby girl I've already done it||

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All of this is context about drugs, by the way. If you don't wanna read about that, then don't press the spoilers. This is your warning.

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||And now you all watch as I slip into an even more dangerous and risky lifestyle of drugs.. with my 44 year old girlfriend.||

verbal fern
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don't be stupid

frank ledge
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Admittedly I make loads of stupid decisions

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Thursday August 12th

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About: Raya

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Soo uhh....

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My relationship status with her is still, together.
Guilty.

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I have a feeling Rayas had an addiction to the drugs I mentioned above in the past. But she has never told me that.

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I can tell she loves me, but she can't care about me because she doesn't know how to care about herself either

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You can't have for someone else what you don't have for yourself too

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I recently chatted with some people from the discord server, re:dose.

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They said that sharing ||drugs|| with others is unforgivable to them and to get others hooked on it... Isn't a great person to have in your life.

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Makes me question if she was a past addict because I can recognize those, may not be something she wants to tell me but I sense it.

frank ledge
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On phone call today, Raya said she wants to marry me. She said she doesn't wanna wait, but I told her I'm not ready for that yet.

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She just called me again, now... About it. Marriage. She said she won't force it on me any time soon, and she'll enjoy my company the best she can. Verbatim.

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Like... I'm 21. It's obvious she doesn't have many options in her life.

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I'm not tryna...
...lol

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Raya and I have been dating for 4 months.

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Considering marriage after 4 months is crazy. She also said she wants to get a tattoo with me.

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The tattoos a maybe, but marriage? Hell no.

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I'd break her heart and make her sob if I said that she'll have to wait until I'm like, at least 26 for that.

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Like would she even be alive at that time?

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Kidding. But haha.

frank ledge
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Friday Aug 15 to, Sat Aug 16

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I've been hanging out with Raya for 2 days now

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She said she didn't feel like going to a rave so we went to a bar instead

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This is adult stuff and gonna be censored so don't click this unless you're comfortable hearing about ||drugs|| and ||sex||
Two birds and one stone

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I did ||coke|| all throughout the night with her on Friday

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||We were just having loads of sex off multiple different types of dealers blow. Maybe like, we tried 4 separate batches...||

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Glad I survived LOL

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||Because I started overheating on the first batch||

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||I already wanna say I regret it.||

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Drugs aren't worth it, stay off them

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||I mean most of that time I was trying to survive the high, instead of enjoy it||

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Actually insane

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Rayas sleeping beside me right now currently I'm in her bed at her apartment. Disappointing, I know.

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Trigger warning for negative highs, off ||drugs||
||Drugs suck. By the end of the night, my body's felt exhausted and too hot. Mouth and legs are completely numb. The brain fog and confusion isn't all the hype.||

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Yep.

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Should make this forum post title, My Messed Up Girlfriend and Me.

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Because the two other girls in my life shut me out.

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Now... It's all about Raya

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Lying to friends... lying to family... lying about my age to some people so they don't look at Raya weirdly...

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I've given my whole family trust issues in the past and still do because I lie.

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If I have to, to get what I want. If it benefits me, yeah.

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You do drugs and you start losing people around you, because they don't wanna be associated with that.

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I feel bad. Because eventually I'll have to break up with Raya, and she wants to marry me. It's like I'm leading her on in a way. If I tell her too soon I never wanna marry her or be hers forever, she would probably love me less.

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My body feels uncomfortable with what I put into it last night

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I mean, that was a lot.

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It's going to hurt her for me to leave her life. I'm going to have to write down notes of what to say to her at the right time.

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Like give her advice for her next partner, her real one, an actual husband that she deserves like every other lady. I'd tell her, cut out the drugs completely, sit at tables where people aren't connected to any of that, and treat yourself better

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Because I can't be that for her at this age. It's not gonna be me, I'm sorry.

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Our similarities are spitting sometimes. The recklessness and not caring about ourselves, really. I don't wanna live with a worser version of myself my entire life.

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Before I break up with Raya in the future, I'm gonna try to hold onto her, I'd try to shape her for the better, then go.

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Plus these habits of mine aren't good. I don't use women but I communicated early on, that I'm not gonna be around forever.

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I have like a track record now, building up, of ladies, that feel like I've lead them on because I stopped wanting to be with them, that I didn't wanna marry them. Starting with Trina.

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I have a weird goal. To cry in front of Raya sometime just to show her I'm capable of emotions too. At least once.

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Just to appear more normal.

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I have a feeling she's told her friends, Jake doesn't cry much or show a lot of feelings. I know that's a turn off for her and most people.

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I remember Raya slipped into conversation, "Strings attached." while talking to me. And I started pulling at some threads strings of my jeans, ripping them, making them more distressed, less attached. That's what my body language said.

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11 AM, EST

frank ledge
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Saturday Aug 16
10 PM Est

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Yeah this is about my current gf Raya, a woman in her early 40s. Looks 30 though.

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Birds and bees, ||we banged for a bit over 1 hour|| uhh

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Her and I devoured 16 chicken wings after smoking weed

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We woke up at 5 PM today, after sleeping the entire day

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Just keeping track of my days is all

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I counted 10 cigarette packs laying around Raya's apartment

frank ledge
frank ledge
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I like how Raya and I didn't really go anywhere for the past 2 days. We've stayed in her apartment this entire time.

frank ledge
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I told Raya about that interaction as we left. I said, what am I? A clown?

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But anyways.

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Rayas cooking for me now, and we're watching UFC on her TV

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I remember a guy at that bar telling me to put my hoodie on. Because of the girls around there that kept looking.

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Turning heads I guess

frank ledge
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Sunday August 17
It's 12 PM in the morning
I'm awake before my gf, Raya, who's still sleeping in the apartment we're in

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I blocked Jasmines Instagram account just now. Because she sent a picture of her at Trina's place, with salt allll around surrounding a shirt that I gave Trina once upon a time.
Y'know like what you do to purify evil in movies? Or in spirituality? They put a circle of salt to banish evil. Yep. They did that. To one of my shirts

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They must both see me as evil or something.

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Jasmine and Trina annoy me. I'm gonna have to ignore both of them when school starts again in a few weeks.

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Last night I... Trigger warning for drug use.. my pick of poison: ||cokaine||

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||I snorted all the leftover crumbs off Rayas coke plate and I was high as hell lmao||

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Ain't shi pure about this