#Has been a few months since I had broken up with my ex-girlfriend

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crisp hare
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There is an uncomfortable feeling of discomfort every time someone mentions her name, and while I am knowledgeable enough to admit I wasn’t the best person all the time, it feels as though all my trying and efforts to have something bigger than me has all fallen flat. We had dated for such a long time that, for nearly 2/9 of my life, I had been in a relationship with her, and now that it’s gone, everything feels so empty. The games I played with her give me memories, and the music I listen to just reminds me of those particular times. And while this is all over now and I should move on, something about all of it just doesn’t seem real to me. Mabe I am expecting a return to the relationship, or maybe I am waiting for something to happen, but this has all made me see how much time and effort I had dedicated in a day to being with someone. And now all my days are filled with drugs and alcohol, because I have reached a point where I would rather be numb and unaware than sober and have the thoughts of her. Sometimes I wish that I just hugged her a little tighter the last time I saw her, or kissed one more time than I did, but I can’t now… and it has left me with an unexplainable emotion.

fading wyvern
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You didn’t just lose a person, you lost a rhythm, a routine, a version of yourself that existed with her. That emptiness you feel? It’s the space she used to fill, and yeah, numbing makes it quieter… but it never makes it go away

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Also, you're not weak for missing her. You’re just human. But don’t let the memory of her be the reason you stop showing up for yourself dude

crisp hare
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That’s the thing

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I still do move on with my life

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but it just feels like I am doing it all for nothing now

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Like I am still doing whatever I have to to be successful

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but to what end

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As much as I do enjoy what I do in a day

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when it’s just quiet

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and it’s just me

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and my thoughts

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I can’t help but feel horrible

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and while I would rather not share the details of the break-up

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I just think to myself everytime I didn’t do something or did do something that negatively impacted the relationship

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I could have easily avoided

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but I was just a kid when it started and was just barely lucky enough to turn 18 with the girl I met when I was 14

fading wyvern
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Take your time bru, I'm listening

crisp hare
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and while being a kid doesn’t excuse what I did

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I just wish I had been smarter

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and more caring about it all

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I understand she wasn’t perfect to which she said

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but I didn’t care about that, I loved her more then her imperfections and it hurts so f**king much

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to not have her around anymore

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I don’t know what I would even do if I had a second chance

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And I don’t know how to deal with this any other way

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but I can only be inside a gym for so long

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I can only be high for so long

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I can only be drunk for so long

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I can only be busy for so long

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but when will I just be okay with the way things are now

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when can I just sit in silence and not torment myself for screwing the one good thing I had up

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I don’t want to kill myself over this

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but I do just wish I could vanish without any memories of me being kept

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idk

fading wyvern
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Man thats deep raw grief

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You grew with her, now you’re learning to live without her

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That ache tho?

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It’s proof you loved deep, although regret hits hard, but it’s how we grow. You’re not broken, just grieving. Keep showing up. One day, the silence won’t hurt. It’ll just be quiet bro

crisp hare
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I hope so

fading wyvern
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You will. Just keep breathing through it, one day at a time, you’re doing better than you think dude

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But for now, just let time do its work ykwim

crisp hare
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I just wish I could see her one more time

fading wyvern
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To be honest it might be impossible to get over it

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But you should atleast be happy with the memories you had together, thats all that I can say.

crisp hare
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Nostalgia is a beautiful liar