I’m so lonely (not a reference to invincible 🙏😭)

[signal blade]

I struggle really hard making friends. I’m 23 and I’ve always been picked on, made fun of or politely ignored.

I have severe anxiety, runs in the family and I find it incredibly hard to have a normal conversation with anyone.

I have ADD which is most definitely having an impact on how people see me.

If I’m being real, I just want the pain to be over, I’ve tried making friends with so many people that at this point it’s feeling hopeless.

I’m either singled out or people stay to talk long enough and then politely leave to never talk again.

I go a year or so being comfortable in solitude and at the end my head is screaming to me that I need someone or something. Someone that actually enjoys spending time with me and not doing it because they feel bad.

I’m in a constant vicious cycle of trying to break through my anxiety and meet people only to get shut down and left behind.

Something about me clearly puts people off and I’m not sure what it is, I try and fit in and laugh with people but I’m not used to it at all and it feels forced and most definitely comes out that way.

It’s like my emotions are totally muted, I want people to have fun when I’m around or enjoy their time but I seem to just push people away.

Maybe I just have terrible luck, I don’t know.

Anyway, this is my first time being public about this issue. If anyone has anything they’d like to say (even if harsh) then please do so.

I don’t think I can do this alone.

[flint herald]

I'm in the same boat as you brother, I always felt something was wrong about me in every interactions. I got so tired of getting made fun off I didn't know who to trust, so I cut everyone off, saying "no" to invites and pretending I'm busy to avoid friends. I was at peace with my own solitude, but now I regret it. I'm always trying to make REAL friendships but I felt I was missing something.

I recently tried to do some self reflecting, trying to relive the moments and realised one possible reason for all this was that I was not standing up for myself. I didn't have enough respect for myself. I'm always the one saying sorry because I thought that's what mature people do. I'm always listening to others because of the quote "the quietest person in the room is the smartest" bullshit. In the end I was just being walked over because I never spoke up.

[signal blade]

It’s good to know there are others that feel this way.

After a while I feel like we just accept what is and try to forget. That we feel alone in this because we compare to those around us.

Only for it all to linger over our heads, to be remembered any time an interaction goes wrong.

It’s good to know I am not alone, that goes for you too my friend.

[flint herald]

It really does get tiring for us, always trying to find an intangible answer with thousands of perspectives. "Why do I not fit in?"

Some might say "You talk too much", "You talk too little", "You dress weird", "Your vibes are off".
Its really hard to get the real answer out.