#I made my partner feel awful

16 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

reef lava
#

I dated a close friend. Its both our first rltnshp. Bc of bad circumstances (my parents n homophobia), we broke up. We talked n met up secretly but kept a distance. One day I asked to meet up in the bathroom as usual. She said no but i misheard. I thought she was ignoring me. I did smth stupid n followed her to the bathroom to wait outside. She felt creeped out. Turns out it wasnt the first time she felt uncomfortable but that was the last straw

Later ik from a friend of hers the other times i creeped her out. She didnt wanna talk to me. I apologized thru text, she didnt read it so i asked advice from her friends. Her friend advised to call. I apologized, she forgave me. But at the call i missaid smth. When i explained she couldnt rlly believe it n has trust issues from me always fixing my words a second time

Later she found out her friend made me call her. She got mad, thought i had changed n called bc of myself, didnt like that i used her friends as a bridge. I went to her house to talk and fix things. We reconciled n she asked me to ask her out so i did

Then she said she didnt feel like we're in a relationship, wished i asked her out without being told to n it didnt feel right so i told her id do that once we meet

We planned a meet up at her house but she had home problems, felt horrible n needed company. We hung outside. After tht we kissed. She said it rlly got her thru the day. But bc things changed n i was worried for her, i forgot to ask her out

One night she told me i gave her mixed signals even while dating n I didnt realize. She said she didnt feel like we were in a relationship n when we kissed n got home, cried n felt used. She said i didnt ask her out. I told her i forgot n i planned to but this gave her more trust issues. She felt awful n it was late so she slept

Ive apologized thru text, but she hasnt seen them bc sleeping. Ive been horrible so pls give me any criticism/advice. On apologizing, be better, anything. I want to make things better

reef lava
#

Help me TT

reef lava
#

It rlly does seem like im the problem. I feel like a horrible partner. But i rlly do love her and i want to be able to be better for her. I js feel like i made the same mistakes again and i think she might be ignoring me again, altho she might also js be sleeping. I rlly want some help on improving myself and the relationship. Tbh theres still other details to this but it got too long, so feel free to ask me more

#

I feel like i want to ask her friend again bc usually she talks to her abt this, but then i think im js gonna be repeating the same mistake. But i also rlly wish i could get some help n advice

reef lava
#

<@&993332385670246420>

silk snow
# reef lava <@&993332385670246420>

Maybe you should be more honest with her and be more honest, rather than trying to appear in love, try to pour your heart out. Tell er all you feel bout er n mention that you were wrong in explaining things. I'm sure things r willing to get better. Gl gurl, believe in ya.

#

N yeah. Don't be a tryhard, be an open book

reef lava
#

Thanks for the advice. Um this is a continuation i guess. So later on she answered and she got calmer. She forgave me. I asked if she was okay n some other things to make sure of stuff. But then a couple hours later i asked her if everythings alright again. She hates being asked questions repeatedly. Before, she was quite patient w it. But i think shes completely sick of me always asking again n again, even tho this time it was js a second time. But she snapped. She didnt say it to me, but her friend told me she got rlly annoyed, she thought i changed, and she might not want to talk to me anymore. I apologized for asking twice like that. But when i asked her if i can talk to her at school tmrw, she said no ty. She said she doesnt care if i still text her tho. But i think she doesnt want to talk to me irl

reef lava
#

Hey um, so i want to js evaluate things again here. I apologized n she was fine. But then after that, i annoyed her and gave her illfeel from asking if shes ok twice, which i did b4 this whole thing n it was a problem on its own. It was smth i kept doing even b4 this. She crashed out hard over it. She thought i changed. I bet she felt sick of me and frustrated. And dissapointed. I apologized for asking twice. But it seems she doesnt want to talk to me irl. She said idc abt text tho ig. Now i want to fix this. It seems what sparked her annoyance and crashing out was me repeating smth i alr asked. Ive alr apologized and she said ok bruh. But i feel that thats not the core problem n she doesnt wanna talk to me bc of smth else underlying. Im assuming that the problem is me not changing. Shes sick of it. Theres sm pent up anger and frustration, and this was js another spark to it. And this isnt the first time, this has happened multiple times. She might forgive me for asking twice again, but it doesnt erase whats alr there. Shes prob tired of it. No matter if she still wants/needs me that way, she doesnt hv the energy or she thinks the same is js gonna happen again. If i want to rlly fix this, i need to fix the pent up problems and emotions. Which is easier said than done. Esp w as of now only through text. I need to somehow say the right words. Or show her thru my texts. Easier said than done esp since shes gonna be busy w college. What exactly can i say, or show thru my texts? Assuming she'll read it n respond

silk snow
#

You can show your gratitude for being forgiven. And you must tell her that you wanna know how you can fix things between yourselves

lucid wasp
#

She seems getting more agitated by your word choice, repeating yourself, and etc. I would try to stay calm, and use my words wisely. She seems sensitive about words, so choose carefully. Like that time you said she got mad when she found out a friend told you to give her a call. She was made because she thought you changed. She seems to have a reaction when she thinks your not honest/not being confident in yourself. She thought you had changed because YOU decided to make the and YOU decided to cheer her up. Not her friend givin you a pep talk abt calling her n stuff. She wants to see you confident in yourself, and not being scared relying on friends. She wants YOU to approach her with honestly. YOU, not anyone else. That's just my take on it. Hope this helps!

#

Oh, and one more thing, make sure to give her space and time to think abt things. Constantly pressuring her to understand that your trying to make things right only makes her more uncomfortable around you. And she might think that your too possessive about her emotions n stuff

reef lava
reef lava
# lucid wasp Oh, and one more thing, make sure to give her space and time to think abt things...

I think at this point i probably wont be able to rlly talk to her properly and all i can do for now is give her space. Shes straightforward so when she says she doesnt want to talk to me irl, she probably rlly means it and i shouldnt overstep that boundary. I rlly want to text her tho. Idk if she'll read it, sometimes shes js rlly busy, but at the same time im not sure if maybe i shouldnt and try to give her space thru that too.

#

Im js afraid that when she says she doesnt want to talk to me, that she means forever. That she has given up on me and is too tired to deal w me. That this decision is already set in stone. Shes a very musically oriented person, and we both made playlists for each other that we share. But this morning she made it private. Smth like this happened b4 but she said that she didnt change anything and doesnt know what happened. And afterwards it returned to normal. But idk abt this time. She has said b4 that she considered deleting it. Me and her friend knows that music is a big part of her and playlists are like her heart but in media form. So if she has rlly deleted it, im afraid that maybe she truly has given up. Im too scared to confirm or ask abt this tho. If i ask, it might annoy her

lucid wasp
#

Don't ask. Better to leave her alone and let it play out, rather than annoying her which just overall decreases your chance at success.