Standards.

[fervent kettle]

Why are my standards so high that I chase away every guy, every single time some guy tries to get to know me I get icked out by one thing or the other. They just never meet my standards, and it's not like I'm desperate but i did think it would have been nice to experience teenage love atleast once but that's not for me. I turn into a lying male manipulator the moment someone even tries getting close because I'm scared of vulnerability.

[lyric orbit]

It's probably because you don't like them. And vulnerability is something normal to be scared of, everyone is. You just have to get on with it.

[mental sail]

better to maintain ur standards cuz of this wrld

[amber onyx]

Can I ask what your standards are....?
It's good to have them
It's better to be alone than with a wrong person

[turbid charm]

As far as I am concerned, you should live with it. You'll find the one who meets your standards, but if you make compromises to your boundaries to love someone, you might end up being in a toxic relationship.

[fervent kettle]

If a guy does something even slightly different from what I expect it's an automatic turn off for me 😭

[fervent kettle]

I'll try ><

[amber onyx]

That's understandable.... But can you please give one example...? I am just curious

[fervent kettle]

one thing that really pisses me off is when they try to act like "high value men" but are actually idiots with no passion for anything expect dreaming about becoming a successful man.

[dusky scaffold]

Honestly this is a good thing. Having high standards isn't a problem it just means that you want whats best for you. If some of your standards are like: "Ew he eats spaghetti with a spoon" then maybe you've got an issue and you should try to learn to love their faults. But beyond that keep your standards and eventually you'll find someone that meets them all.
Also teenage love is way overhyped. Just take it back and relax through your teenage years without having to worry about love. It comes to us all at different stages and it's something you can't rush

[jade estuary]

It sounds like you want connection, but you’re afraid of what comes with it. Maybe instead of looking for the ‘perfect’ guy, you could focus on what actually makes you feel happy and comfortable. No one is flawless, but the right person won’t make you feel like you have to protect yourself all the time.

[amber onyx]

as a guy i hate that shit too i dont blame you

like 0 personality or stuff they like

[azure condor]

I think that high standards are good, but u gotta remember u r talking to boys who didnt even have time to build themselves
U r gonna see built characters after collage, maybe even a couple of years into work age
expecting a man from school age boys is a big burden to put on someone
and on top of that think abt if you were a guy, would you like yourself, do you fulfill your criteria levels?
As friendly advice, NOONE is gonna be perfect, but u gotta learn to love peoples flaws as long as they dont fundamentaly go against u

[fervent kettle]

@jade estuary yes I have only liked guys who share the same interests as me so I would like myself. I'm not asking for MATURE men I like boys but boys who TRY you feel me

[azure condor]

Well there aint nothing wrong w standards

[turbid charm]

Great

[vernal harness]

What you’re describing—pulling away, feeling “icked out,” setting high standards, even shifting into manipulative behavior—these are often ways we protect ourselves when vulnerability feels unsafe or threatening. You’re not broken or unlovable. You’re protecting something very deep and tender inside you.

Sometimes, we set high standards or get turned off quickly because deep down, getting close feels like losing control, or risking pain we’ve felt before. You deserve to feel safe in love—but also safe with yourself while navigating connection.

It’s okay to want love, and also be afraid of it. That’s a very human conflict. The fact that you can name this shows strength. If you’re open to it, we could explore what kind of connection would feel safe enough for you, not perfect. Because you deserve love that doesn’t threaten your peace.

[burnt epoch]

I find in inheritly wrong to find love just for the sake of "experiencing it" and not to Date to Marry, but because If you're just scared of being Vulnerable. Time will take untill you find the right person who will understand how you feel and why your afraid. But give into consideration that the person you're with will be trying to get close to you because he/she loves you

[limpid gull]

bro i got told i had high standards for wanting someone who was capable of being financially independent and doesnt actively drink/smoke (i have trauma with alcohol and health conditions/breathing problems)

your standards may not actually be that high plus TRUST me there are a lot of icky men out there and it can be very hard to find a decent man because the icky men are the desperate ones really looking because well (they're desperate since they have really bad flaws) i'd just wait until the right person comes along, i've never actively looked for a partner and never showed any interest in wanting to and its always worked out for me

you're young tho and you want a guy with big plans for the future and goals and dreams and thats kind of hard for a lot of young people to envision, shit, i can't even plan what im going to eat tomorrow 😭

either way i think you're gonna be fine i do think your standards are a bit high but they're not unreasonable or at an abusive level

i would like to remind you though that relationships involve other people and there is no one person (well maybe there is if you're really really lucky) but no one person who's going to mark every single check mark in your book

relationships are about compromise and working things out, mistakes will be made you guys will disagree and have fights and have different opinions and feelings and interests and share some similar interests and other stuff

ig what im saying is that make sure what you're going after is realistic enough

[amber onyx]

Those are called high standards.....?
That's totally normal expectations from me to my friends(except for financial independence)

[fervent kettle]

nah girl some of these people's standards are deep in the pit.

And also people have completely forgotten the meaning of compromise lol you don't compromise on character but you can compromise on wanting a pink couch but getting the grey one because you already bought the other furniture periodt

[limpid gull]

I was told I had high standards for that lol but imo, no those are normal standards

[limpid gull]

The reason I mention compromise is because one thing that’s off about people you become interested in is enough to turn you away from them

[fervent kettle]

if they lack empathy, passion and maturity then that's uncompromisable tho or like you said, if you want a sober man don't compromise.