I am scared of love

[grim granite]

I understand that feeling

It is because you fall in love with someone all of a sudden

that someone could be your friend

someone you enjoyed spending time with

realization of this feeling can be scary is natural, it depends on u to decide which road u want to take, hold back the feeling or accept it

[cobalt widget]

Well, I was in a relationship for four years with a woman I deeply loved. However both of us became toxic. She used to talk to her Ex but she did not want to be in a relationship with him anymore. However, that felt weird. Then she said mean things to me. She was generally speaking not really smart and not well educated I think. She made me feel incredible though and she was beautiful to me and I never found anyone as amazing as her. However, she did speak to other guys and was scared of me talking to other women. She was always scared that I would cheat on her. I was honest about my negative sides to her. She wasn't I think. Nowadays lots of people are so messed up but won't admit it. People seem to have become more and more stupid. Besides: I heard that there is no free will and therefore everything that happens, happens beyond good and evil but I don't want to believe that. My ex forgot lots of information about me because her memory sucked and then she always said that I gaslighted her and so on or she said that she did not do all of this stuff. She always complained about everything and said that I didn't care about her feelings. I did but her perception was different I guess. Just because I can't answer right away because I am busy that does not mean that I don't love her yk? Besides, I am a man with many hobbies, interests and so on. I have big goals and she did not want to support me with them. She made fun of me in public and humiliated me. Then I got angry and wanted to make her think about why that is terrible behavior of her. She did not want to accept it. So I mirrord her behavior like an idiot would. I should simply have left her. Her friends and so on call me narcissist. I don't know if I am. I try to be kind to others. But I realise that many times, I do consider people not necessary for my survival. Exspecially when they speak nonsense or are less competent than me. Is it narcissistic to call others less competent? Sometimes they just are yk?

Nowadays, I don't even know what is right or wrong anymore. Ain't love based on survival instincts. A man's duty is to protect his family and serve his wife I guess. However, due to feminism and so on, it seems to not matter anymore I guess? I heard of lots of people who were cheated on and people have such crazy kinks nowadays. And people simply say: yes normalize it. No, you shouldn't I guess. You should normalize not hating people or hurting them. But you should not normalize eating shit, hurting yourself, bdsm and so on. But when you don't do stuff like this, you are considered the crazy one. People often get their "education" from TikTok and are really stupid. And I don't mind spicing up sexual life. But I feel like if I don't do crazy things, I am not good enough anymore. I am not good enough if I don't make a million dollars because my wife will simply seek for someone else who has this much money because all of them seem to want sooooo many things nowadays. There is no competence needed anymore. People are just mean to each other. When my ex hit me and acted as if I am the crazy one for screaming at her when she did all of that, she said that she never did all of that. In the end, it is all nature right? It is what the universe wanted to happen. It is all not real. It is all hierarchies and power games. The entire system is built around this stuff. I broke up with her but wanted her back because I loved her so much and didn't respect myself I guess? But we shared so many beautiful things and now I can not enjoy life anymore. I can not enjoy anything we used to have. I feel like I am meaningless. Well factually speaking I am. But I don't even matter to the people around me I guess. And my ex did all this "dark psychology"/"manipulation" from TikTok when i broke up with her. She instantly searched for a new person. And she purposely showed me all the things she wanted to do with me and so on. She did all of it to show me "what i am missing out on".

[grim granite]

For the first part, this is why communication is important

It should be fine for both side if they talk to opposite gender

Let's say if ur wife doesn't allows, yet she's allowed to do so

U can ask why and how is that fair in interaction with people

Tell her if she feels insecure, she should be considerate the same way towards you just as you be considerate towards her

Relationship shouldn't be manipulative

Nor should one be king or queen over another

[cyan laurel]

Nah a girl talking to her ex is SO weird the only exception I can understand is if they started off as friends were friends for like 4 years, tried dating for like a day decided "nah we don't really like this" and just stayed friends.

Your ex seemed like a really toxic person. I have memory problems so if my partner tells me something I usually try to take notes or I'll write stuff down, or if I really can't remember I'll just believe him because lying to me about something I did or didn't do isn't helping either of us in the relationship. Her memory problems sound more like personality disorder if anything.

Mirroring her behavior was a really bad choice to make, but it already happened and you can't go back and fix. Human perception of love is not based on survival instinct. Lust is. Everyone have different concepts of what Love should be, what love is what it looks like. It's a human emotion and a human creation. I wouldn't worry too much about kinks, albeit weird, think of it like a human mating dance ig 💀

There are a lot of weird people out there that a LOT of normal people in everyday life will not side with. The internet gives everyone a skewed perception on reality and has weird behavior compared to what normal people who are not chronically online everyday do and think. College was a big realization of that. Being cheated on is not normal, but there are people who try to normalize having multiple partners and stuff like that. You don't have to agree with it or like it, but just be respectful because everyone's beliefs are different.

8 billion people, in this world. You walk outside and what do you see? People everywhere, doing things differently. Don't base your entire life on one messed up person. You will meet a lot of messed up people in life, especially online, but reality is different. That girl had problems. Don't make them your reality. She was toxic as hell and outright abusive. She could've gone to jail for the shit she did I'm so deadass.

[cobalt widget]

Yes, I used to be a romantic but now I lost hope. I still feel attached. Trauma bond i guess? I really try my best. I don't know if I am the toxic one. I mean... I am sure I also said terrible things and mirrored her behavior. I was so hurt by everything that I once enjoyed a talk to a woman too much I think. But I don't want to be like this and I am scared of doing it again. I read Beyond good and evil by Friedrich Nietzsche, The Prince by Machiavelli, laws of human nature by idk, and now I am even more messed up

[cobalt widget]

Yes true... She always wanted princess treatment... TikTok really screwed gen z i think

[grim granite]

I'm a part of Gen Z, I don't think it is TikTok, because it isn't famous during my childhood, but it definitely is one of the many sources

outside of social media and shows influence, we can link them to childhood education and peer pressure

i know a girl who's from rich family, but she can cook delicious food, she learnt how to cook ever since she was a kid and her mental maturity is ahead of my age, she's independent and intelligent. She doesn't show any sign of princess aura, but just a smart girl enjoying life without hurting people.

the notable difference between her and other commoner kids? Childhood, her childhood as I mentioned, she started to be independent as a kid while we still have parents cook for us

[cobalt widget]

I feel like politics is also a huge point. I do look for the "soulmate"... The person that is somewhat similar and so on.... But i wonder what makes love happen anyways yk? I am male and I feel pressured to make 100000000 Euros so I am good a "goodenough provider"

[grim granite]

that's insane indeed

people could still be happy with just average income and spending

[cobalt widget]

I do have lots of valuable skills but i am not worth it as long as i don't make enough money

[grim granite]

let's take this view, if u are rich enough to have enough money to spend it on almost everything and go anywhere any time u want, what's the joy? Because u can have everything, there's no need to choose which took away what makes it special.

[cyan laurel]

To be honest, while human nature in theory is based all around oneself, and one’s selfish desires, on a deeper level there is a communal and caring aspect towards other people. We as people are social creatures. If we lack that social aspect of our lives, serious issues will occur. These books try to simplify human nature into one simple stretch, but honestly there is no one view of human nature. We act how we act because it’s just how our bodies are designed. If someone kills themselves it doesn’t benefit their body our soul, but because it benefits their “mind” it’s seen as selfish behavior or something for one’s self. Donating to another person is seen as “helping yourself” as well because it makes you feel good helping a person in need. This doesn’t necessarily mean all people are bad though, it just means that all our actions do something for ourselves

It’s understandable why you lost hope, looking at the world and seeing the state it’s in (especially if you’re chronically online) is depressing. You see the stupid things people say that are just, objectively and morally wrong to the majority of society, but scream louder than everyone else to be heard. You see greedy politicians exploiting poor as well as rich. The world isn’t a perfect amazing place, never will be. Someone is always going to try to take advantage of another, it’s weirdly coded in our traits as survival instincts if you’re “weak”.

[cobalt widget]

As of right now I try to get into acting because I used to love that and it makes lots of cash but money is actually not everything in my opinion... Tbh if we lived in a world without overconsumption i think that the world would be a marrier place

[cyan laurel]

The right person won’t ask you to financially provide for them. They’ll split responsibilities or do something else. Having a good stable situation is important (decent paying job, financial stability) after a certain age but you don’t need to become the next bill gates just to bag a girl.

Your skills and interests are important, they make up a part of who you are

[grim granite]

Donating to another person is seen as “helping yourself” as well because it makes you feel good helping a person in need. This doesn’t necessarily mean all people are bad though, it just means that all our actions do something for ourselves

Literally what I told my friends, I'm not helping out of kindness, I was helping people because I felt guilty for ignoring the helpless like the crowd would do, just walk away.

i believe true kindness happens in one understand there's people need help and would go to reach them even before knowing what they are suffering from and will try to understand the situation in order to help them [talking about my friend , she went to disabled center to volunteer helping physical and mentally disabled people at the age of 13!]

and that's her weekly routine

[cyan laurel]

yeah but you can’t classify helping out of nature or helping out of guilt into one category, which is what these books do. There’s different varying levels of helping yourself and helping others. We are a communal species that rely on one another, so a lot of us will try to aid others in our circles. (This becomes complicated as society grows and circles condense and become small and more manageable).

[cobalt widget]

I am a fighter, i am skilled, my iq is about 143 eventhough i find it hard to believe, I write books in my freedom, i sing, i play the guitar, i am healthy, i am not terribly looking, i am not poor nor rich, i try my best, i am raised christian which is maybe not perfect but ye idk, i do have red flags due to abuse but all in all i do consider myself "fitting into society" but i am scared of society nowadays too since society seems to get more violent and has less empathy

[cyan laurel]

You honestly have to find the right people and put yourself out there. I was, still kinda am the same way. I just had 2 interviews today, one was an amazing place, clean, nice, manager was chill, detailed and agreed with my stance on stuff.

I went to another interview and the room they interviewed me was cluttered and messy. The place was in a bad neighborhood. There were only 2 workers there.

It’s about people you meet, knowing when to walk away and knowing who to keep in touch with. There’s always bad people and good people. Unfortunately the bad ones overshadow the good but if you make an effort to look, even a tiny bit, you’ll find it.

[grim granite]

that red flag is the thing u need to be careful the most in relationship, to ensure it doesn't affect it negatively

I would say, u are living a life there

[cobalt widget]

I was abused back then

And I got additced to pornographic content

That stuff still affects me nowadays

I am really honest and open about it

But I managed to get these things in order

[grim granite]

Younglings nowadays have a very abstract concept of love: Wealth, Authority, Lookism, Puppet Material, Sexual Desire, Venting Machine, Gardener

[cobalt widget]

And often times I want people to express admiration for the things i do

Many times i feel like i am not doing anything any good

[grim granite]

by the last one I don't mean, nurturing relationship with 1 people, i mean it by having multiple couples and see which one is best for them, in the end the rest will be emotionally harmed

man... i know which kind of woman u mean, the one I met recently, but I was late and I have this problem, once I fall in love, my emotion became the king of my mind, my intelligent dropped 0

we were best friends who knew each other very well and I deeply scarred her, destroyed our friendship, caused her betrayal trauma...

she was the girl i mentioned just now

greatest regret in my life and I'm just 23...

[cobalt widget]

When relationships don't work out nowadays, people simply become mean. They post mean things on social media and so on. I am scared of women nowadays. Not because of women but because of the mean women. And feminism seems to turn into male hatred or domination sometimes which is not great either

[cyan laurel]

Are these things you encounter often in the real world or posts you see online?

[cobalt widget]

Male hatred happend to me in my last relationship and her friends

The feminists in my area are also absolutely mean

They are not feminists

They just dominate

[grim granite]

Man, try East Asian girl, especially well educated japanese girl

[cyan laurel]

Well

does this happen irl?

[cobalt widget]

Yes

It does

[cyan laurel]

like has it happened to u irl

ok

[grim granite]

in the land far east where the Sun rises, you might find your soulmate

i typed this out like a sage

🤣

[cyan laurel]

I mean yeah, some people can’t take break-ups they always need to have a falling out don’t let it weigh you down man, there’s a lot of angry resentful people in this world especially women

as for their friends, women always tend to support their friends over their lover, it’s weird, imo you need a balance but the father of your kids should come first usually but hey, I won’t judge anyone’s beliefs

[cobalt widget]

I had moments at which i was almost called a patriarch simply for saying that back then humans had to find ways to secure survival and therefore it was benefitial to have one person work at home and care for the children.

[grim granite]

yes, before 2000

[cyan laurel]

I’m sobbing that’s stupid, dawg RICH women didn’t work, poor women worked their assess off day and night feeding kids and supporting the household

[cobalt widget]

Yes... I don't think that the modern change is terrible yk? I think that it is great that women can provide for themselves. I am also fine if they don't want to... The weird part is that most people's marriages i know of failed since this change happend... I guess men weren't ready? But back then it was really benefitial. And i don't think that it was an issue for that matter... But when you say it from a historical perspective, you get canceled... And I am into history

[cyan laurel]

I mean I think there’s a benefit to having a two person (financial) household, more money for the kids, kids r expensive these days and you will be able to provide better lives for yourselves and them, but there are also people who believe in having house wives/being stay at home wives while also men take care of the household

Although I think it’s unreasonable to want a woman to be a stay at home housewife and expect her to provide or expect her not to want you to fully be able to provide for the household

[cobalt widget]

My grandma used to live this type of life. She had depression due to war trauma and so on but she was in a marriage that worked out even with all the fights and so on... She loved my grandpa and wouldnt have left him ever...

[cyan laurel]

only rich women didn’t work, that still applies today LMAOO poor women HAD to work they just weren’t allowed to do the same factory jobs men were allowed to do because at the time they didn’t think women were able to do these jobs, until they found out they could and started hiring women and children for reduced labor costs to exploit them

people are so dumb sometimes

[cobalt widget]

The following thing messed my head up: there probably is no free will... Meaning that cheating happens due to survival mechanisms? Therefore educated people like the jews tried to make themselves less attractive in public during 1900 in Germany. That's partly why later on people made fun of their looks and so on.

[grim granite]

history holds an archive worth of lessons for lifetime

[cobalt widget]

Yes

So I thought that maybe I should have a women that wants to suffer in public with me and be awesome in private yk?

But I don't know if this works that well nowadays? I hope so... I hope that this works... Dressing ugly in public so you are less likely to cheat is actually incredibly smart if you are not rich

[scenic flare]

ok

[grim granite]

i can't blame you for having that kind of thought

but it does gives u a sense of security via surface view

i think a sense of security without worry about appearance is built through mutual trust and understanding

because people who love u would never want to cheat or play dirty on u

[cobalt widget]

Yes, but i wonder whether people decide to cheat or not. I mean surely they do. But it might just be human nature like within hierarchies yk?

I don't know though

[cyan laurel]

Nah. There is not enough evidence to support this theory. We come from primates and they do both. There are species of primates we are related to that do long term pair bonding (basically monogamy)

The idea of polygamy only exists from a historical level. Historically men would have a wife (top of the chain) and mistresses to have many children, but as women developed freedoms and rights (and were not allowed to be with more than one man) the societal norm became being monogamous. That’s what supports multiple pair bonding/breeding.

[cobalt widget]

We have common ancestors to primates but we don't come from them. I wonder why cheating happens even in happy relationships if it is not just survival mechanisms or so on that causes us to breed. I wonder why cheating seems to happen more common as I hear my brother for example loves having sex with women of other people which messes my brain up btw.

Besides that, I wonder why so many people break up even when they are married nowadays. Is it because men "can't provide" or is it because of survival mechanisms and so on? I have no idea what to believe anymore since everyone seems to "know it all" you know? Mostly I hear about "oppression by men" where I live. Exspecially my brother says it though he is absolutely not selfreflected.

All the girls near my area say that women are simply manipulative due to the patriachry and so on

But I don't believe that

I believe that manipulative people are manipulative because they suck and nothing more

[cyan laurel]

The couple becomes unhappy, the love died out, or they simply want different things than eachother. Some couples agree to split up because they know it’s for the best, same reason why any (HEALTHY) gf or bf would break up

[cyan laurel]

I agree.

[cobalt widget]

Yes, these are the type of thoughts that make me wanna unalive myself tbh... Because you never know... That's why I am scared

[cyan laurel]

That’s just life. People grow in relationships and change, their values no longer align or they’re no longer the same people they were 4 years ago. It happens, they mutually agree to leave and move on because they’re not the same couple they were when they started dating. Is it sad? Yes, but it’s healthy. Love isn’t always meant to last forever, sometimes it’s meant to go. Forcing it to be like that may ruin it. Some love does last forever, some doesn’t. Whatever happens, happens. I wouldn’t waste time doting on it all the time.

[cobalt widget]

I can not stop doting... I really wanna unalive myself

Everything is meaningless

There is no happy life

Anything is just survival mechanisms i guess

Everything happens beyond good and evil

And therefore I wonder why i even try to be "good"

And I live in a world that I don't want to live in

It is all just "social constructs"

But why continue living then

Seriously

What does it even matter

Oh wow a cool painting

As if it had any meaning

Oh look a word I like

A song

But it is all just nonsense

And you can try to manifest positivity and all that shit

But it is just ideas

It just is there

[cyan laurel]

Believe it or not there is meaning. Social constructs are used to explain ideas related to intelligence rather than biology, or ideas that aren’t grounded in science. (E.g, racism, this occurs because we’re intelligent and not because of a biological aspect).

We are creatures with intelligence. We do stuff that is beyond just survival mechanisms. Creating art, pottery, music, is not for a survival mechanism.

Being “good” is rewarding in both a social and survival aspect. We are a communal species that rely on one another for survival. We are not likely to survive independently. Doing stuff other people likes/we like raises our social status/hierarchy in the community, but we also do it because we want to. That’s part of our freedom and intelligence.

Pairings have meaning. That person created that art for a reason.

Songs have meaning. They share pain, emotions, feelings, stories of our past history and culture, parts of us that are important.

It’s not just ideas, it’s your views and how you see stuff.

Life is worth living, feelings are worth feeling, if you hyper fixate on all the bad stuff on society you’ll get depressed.

[cobalt widget]

For me it is hard to believe in all this after walking around in public nowadays.
Besides I had a look into history and it feels as if most constructs were made to control us or to secure our survival or to make something more efficient and so on. I feel like it might all just by an endless cycle. My entire family broke up and my brother is fine with making people cheat and so on... I don't know what I shall believe anymore and I feel as if most of it is a question of power and so on. I think that this sounds crazy but idk

Political Propaganda also messes with my head... I don't know what to believe anymore

[cobalt widget]

Do you think that it is even possible to have a relationship that lasts forever nowadays? I thought that mine might have worked or smth but generally speaking I don't think so anymore. Isn't it so that attractive girls have more partners in their youth and attractive males in old age? I tried to do anything I could to make it work and I tried to make her understand that tiktok nonsense is not the reality of the world but after she hit me in public and so on. I don't believe it anymore. I mean that which is called free will is in the end just an illusion according to the libet experiment right? Einstein didn't believe in free will and if you look at his life, you will realise that he embodied exactly what I described before: he had one love in young age and afterwards he had multiple partners in old age.

[cyan laurel]

yes, i think relationships that last forever exist

attractive males and females generally have more partners because they're well.. attractive, but not everyone can date 1 person

if you were dating someone who HIT you, thats an abusive, delusional person. A lot of peoples minds have been corroded by social media and political news outlets. They like making people believe that the world is going to shit and some guy is the magical fix for it all (its not), its how political corruption starts

Free will is not an illusion, to be honest, you could run away, live on an abandoned private island and live off of pure survival skills

I don't know if I'd use an old guy from over a century go as the embodiment of what love represents in modern times, and relation != causation

there are many old couples that last until their very last breath (my grandparents, on both mom and dads side)

and even modern-day couples that have lasted until the other died or passed away

i think focusing on the philosophy of everyone and listening to their input as to why we are the way we are causes confusion, as theres many reasons to explain human behavior and summarizing into one behavior oversimplifies it