#Need advice

29 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

robust moss
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can you provide more details

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sorry for being dry i am kinda tired today but i will try my best

robust moss
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i am running out of battery

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4%.

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no electricity.

vast swift
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We've been dating for almost 3 years (3 years on april 8th) , i live in the US and he lives in Canada.
For the first 2 years we were doing great but then as of 6 months ago we've been argueing more, he stopped communicating as much, stopped showing much emotion and stopped comforting me after arguements. The other day he brought up that since he's been going through alot with his family that he was thinking on breaking up with me but he said "dont worry i'd let you down gently, at least i wont ghost you", naturally I started crying cause I was shocked to hear him say that and like every other arguement he just sat there on call, watching me cry, almost analyzing my reactions. I thought it was weird and we tried to talk about it but it didn't go anywhere.

Today we were having another arguement (being honest I've been so worked up I don't remember what it was about) and while crying I asked him "what /how do you see our relationship as?" , he responded with "I love you but I've been seeing our relationship as a science experiment". I didn't know how to react, it genuinely hurt being told he just sees our relationship as a science experiment and not something genuine , i cried for an hour in my room confused and hurting as he just sat there completely emotionless. We separated after that agreed to talk later today but I'm feeling genuinely confused

Edit cause i forgot to add that sometimes during arguments he says things like "it's not you, it's me" which leads to more confusion on my end

robust moss
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i would read this in the morning at 5 am currently its 2 am

vast swift
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Im Sorry it was alot to type

robust moss
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take your time its fine

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i cannot reply 3%

vast swift
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It's ok, no worries, thank you though

ivory shard
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that’s a really heavy thing to hear from someone you love. calling it a "science experiment" makes it sound like he’s been observing more than feeling, like he’s detached in a way. have you noticed any changes in how he talks to you or treats you besides being distant? like, does he still make effort in little ways or does it feel like he’s just going through the motions?

vast swift
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he kinda would let things get really bad and watch my reaction until i got bad, like crying and really worked up, begging for some sort of communication from him or emotion to then apologize and comfort me

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we just had a long talk and he said he did see it as a science experiment. He said every time i forgave him for hurting me in some way, it made his brain see it as a challenge to push farther and farther to "see my loyalty to him and how much i loved him" and to quote "see how many times id come back to him"

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i dont think i could forgive him and not think he sees me as a science experiment anymore, so we broke up

high shell
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I think, and this is with as little respect as possble, he's deeply fcked in the head
I used to be, and to some extent still am, a compulsive liar. occasianally I pushed to see how big I can tell. that's kinda what this sounds like, he sounds like he lacks empathy, trying so see, yeah like you said, how much it would take for you to either break up, or you to just lose it, he doesn't love you anymore, and I know that's gonna be hard to accept
hopefully, y'all can get couple therapy, or breakup

vast swift
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i agree but hearing that he saw me as a "science experiment" made me lose trust so i felt the only good option was to leave him, cause even if he swore to change how would i know its true and not just another test like the others

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im just baffled that after 3 years it turned into this

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well almost 3 years

high shell
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yeah that's bull

vast swift
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so i just caved and called him..

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lets see how it goes cause all i want is to feel comforted

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but i dunno if its right

vast swift
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im talking to him still, he says he wants to try not to think of me as a science experiment anymore...he seems genuine..

vast swift
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im not forgiving him, just maybe seeing if he could try

plucky hawk
# vast swift im not forgiving him, just maybe seeing if he could try

My opinion is my ex drove me to the ground near killing me (not suicide just literally temporal arteries pulsating and not sleeping for years) with sleep deprivation stress and intentional abuse

You will regret it if you let that be you, if he effects your sleep or happiness in anyway intentionally that’s an immediate reason to teach him a lesson by leaving so you aren’t a victim like I was

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Science experiment is too far anyone who says otherwise is biased towards the other party or slow just giving it to you straight hope things get better goodluck , there are people who will care about you if he won’t.

robust moss
plucky hawk